Help! I’m at a total loss. My seven year old keeps acting out, not listening, and back talking. Her attitude is horrendous. We have tried a few punishment techniques, but nothing phases her. I’m now to the point of being stressed about it that I’m having health problems. I don’t eat much, don’t drink much, and can’t sleep. My stomach hurts to the touch, and I feel sick constantly. Can anyone share with me some discipline techniques you use?
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I dont have advise unfortunately bc I sadly feel your pain with every single thing you have said… I mainly just came here to give you an internet hug. I’m kinda at my with end in a way too personally… mine is a really good kid overall and been through a lot and handled it greatly. But as you said the attitude and back talk etc is just sooo high now days
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Look up 1 , 2 , 3 magic. Its an amazing discipline plan. Works amazing with defiant kids. There’s also another book called " my defiant child" highly recommended by our therapist and psychiatrist
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When I was younger we got butts whooped. Werked wonders
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Nothing a good spanking won’t cure
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If she has a phone take it away . Take her bedroom door off. No TV. No friends over. She isn’t the parent you are. Ass whoopin , wash mouth out with bar of soap. Ya don’t need a book . Need to put your foot down…
The most important part of parenting is consistentsy!!! Don’t make threats you won’t follow through with. If you make a threat follow through. Always follow through. Watch supper nanny on youtube!!
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Connection and healing is key. Punishment doesn’t HELP the root of the problem. Punishment is a bandaid.
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Our Therapist had us stop responding to our daughter when she acted out. When she realized the attention she was seeking was not going to come the tantrums got shorter and stopped. I remind her when she talks back that I do not speak to her that way and she shouldn’t be doing it to me. If there is something she won’t listen to I try to re-approach it in a different way. My daughter is 8 and is testing boundaries. Its really a difficult time but definitely stand your ground.
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Highly recommend the book “how to talk so kids will listen”
I threaten mine with taking away stuff. Just keep taking stuff away one by one till they stop. I used to spank mine but now he’s getting a little too old for that.
Maybe she needs someone to talk to ? Get down to the root of the problem. Maybe she needs some connection ? A one on one? Spanking is not the answer I promise you. Back talking may get worse and she may get frustrated and can lead to worse behavior. Talking by my own experience growing up.
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One thing that helps me with my difficult child is to not respond to negative behavior, don’t argue with a child. Don’t acknowledge them when they’re misbehaving. Positive reinforcements. I don’t give “second chances” and he only gets one warning, when asked to do anything. He is only 5 but he is very smart and very aware of his own behavior. I speak to him directly and let him know his behavior is unacceptable. I always explain to his the consequences of his actions. It has taken time but he is at a point now where if I ask him to brush his teeth and he says no, I simply take away whatever has him busy, he will throw a fit for a second and go do what I expect of him. In the moment of his fit I ignore it and it ends quickly. I do not return his toys or iPad even after he’s done what is expected so he understands that next time he should do what he’s asked right away if he wants to continue playing. I always hug/kiss, and tell him I love him. I tell him I am proud and hope he is proud of himself when he does listen. When he does not understand something I do my best to explain in a way he will understand.
Definitely dont reward her for bad behavior.
My six year old son reacts when I explain to him how his actions effect others. Very rarely do I have to punish but when I do I just take away his video games and he straightens up real quickly. He has to earn them back. Don’t listen to “just hit them” that’s a weak parenting move. It won’t help you get your child to behave it’ll simply damage your relationship. I’m not saying that I’ve never spanked my kids, I’m saying I have and I regret it. My oldest came to me and told me hitting doesn’t work because then he doesn’t learn, he just thinks about his butt hurting.
Whoop some ass! We all got it when we were younger and we for the most part turned out fine!
Whoop some ass she will be fine too and she will learn to straighten up!
1 good smack on the bare bottom with your hand make it sting a little bit that all you need
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If done properly only one time was needed.
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Take her to a nutritionist. Talk to her doctor too. There’s always an underlying causes to why people act the way that they do.
Corporal punishment never helped anyone
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Bless you raising kids is not easy, I use reverse phycology with my now 8yr old, When she is acting up I say things like other young ladies I know dont act like that , just one example , I also take away her favorite thing which is her tablet for a day.
My son has disruptive mood dysregulation disorder. Which I’m still having problems with. Took him going to parkview behavioral to get the diagnosis at 9. They throw tantrums and get angry. Unreasonable responses for their age. They don’t know how to regulate their moods and its extreme. My son is on an antipsychotic medication and adderall and its not working. I’m actually trying to get him into cognitive behavioral therapy now. Its messing up our family. My husband is living at the mission right now because of how bad it is.
I used the shock and awe approach when mine went thru the mouthy phase. Nothing worked either. I reached your point and no other option. Once I popped them in the mouth, they both were in shock and shut up asap. Problem solved
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Not to alarm you, but my husband and I went through similar issues with our son, who is now 14. We asked for help from our primary physician and referred for therapy and a psychiatric. Turns out he was dealing with some mental health issues we weren’t aware of, and also adhd. With the right help things have improved greatly. Praying for you all. I know how stressful it can be, I was a mess for a long time, feeling as if I could do nothing right.
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It’s call to spank there butt and let them be aware they are not raising you you are raising them that is the problem with why these kids don’t know any respect and everyone is so soft and sensitive
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start with school counselor, they can give you resources and list of counseling . Is there a reason she is acting out? Also, remember you can’t give up, you are her mother ( the boss) . Don’t let her run all over you. We are our kids first teacher no matter what.
She’s 7. Do not let her see you stressed. Take her things, Google extinction burst- find a behavioral analyst or a registered behavioral tech that will come to the house and put everyone on one charted course:
Respond versus ReAct and fake it til you make it, if all else fails. All my best- child rearing in this day and age would scare me to death… I wish you great success.
Maybe work with a counselor or therapist to help come up with strategies to help you with This. School counselors are a great place to help with giving parents resources.
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I think that some of the problem is covid19. We can’t go to places and see people and here in Kentucky it’s winter and snow and ice and it’s hard to get thier energy out. I have a 2 year old who I can tell she needs to get it out. Try to find crafts or something that she can do that makes her feel like she did something constructive
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Try finding out what’s at the root cause of her misbehavior. Re-connect, talk, spend some quality time.
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My daughter had similar issues when she was that age (shes 10 now) i took her to a behavioural therapist and it turned out she had add/adhd. They checked her for mental issues also. She helped me so much with my daughters behaviour. Gave me things to try and her to try. It helped TREMENDOUSLY! It was honestly one of the worst feelings in the world. Don’t give up! You’re doing a great job by reaching out. I hope you find a solution to help whatever is best for them! Prayers 
It is a phase…and find what she treasures most like mine was hee tablet and that seemed to work a while and not threaten to take away but actually do.
Therapy works better than any spanking. Sometimes there are hidden issues to why a child acts out. Some parents take spanking a child too far. Hitting a child is not the answer.
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Check the school he goes to sounds like they might be bullying him. The child most likely won’t tell you.
Take away access to social media
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You ain’t gonna like this but a good butt warming worked in my day
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When I was youngster at ass whipping worked glod
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Following I am having the same issue with my soon to be 8 year old 
There is a book called “New Kid By Friday”. Maybe look for that?
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A belt always worked for me.
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Trydabackadahand it wiks
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Parenting with love and logic - it works. Better to be tough now- bless you for asking.
Spank her bottom! And before the hate comments start, spanking and beating or abuse is total different things!
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Do not scream and yell if they see they are affecting you like that they do the behavior more be Consistent sit down at table with child respectfully communicate rules and what punishment will be write on a piece of paper and post them follow through when child does xyz keep in mind as child grows rules need to be adjusted if you are coddling to much then they will get angry about being treated like a baby and act out when child serves punishment for behavior when they calm down ask if you can talk with them let them know I do not want to argue but I would like to understand what happened today is there something upsetting you? what were you feeling when you done xyz? what could we do different next time your feeling xyz ? And always end with a hug if child is OK with it and I love you
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I don’t typically agree with physical punishments as it can easily go too far but it’s okay to pop their butt and stuff like that but for me if it were my kid I’d take everything but his mattress and his clothes out of his room till he could learn to act right he wouldn’t have anything no toys no phone/tablet/tv type devices or anything till he earned it back
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Ask your school, they will (should) be able to help you.
My 9yr old has anger issues and is getting assistance in his school with how to better process anger.
She may need outside help, kids can’t convey a lot of what goes on in their head.
How many parents have come forward to say: I had no idea they felt this way, after a tragic incident involving their kid.
My 10yr old got to me 2ith her behaviour a few weeks ago, I got to the point I was so frustrated a screamed, not a small on, but one of those im in the middle of nowhere extra loud ones. Low and behold shes been as good as gold more or less since. This pandemic isn’t helping the kids at all, there missing interaction with friends and class mates, so they are acting out, you just need to try and front it out the best you can, but if its making you physically ill then I’d talk to your gp about it, I know my anti depressants have been a life saver this last few months, xxx
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My 7 yr old does the same thing. She would throw the fits where she would flop in the floor, kick and scream, throw things, be mean to siblings, etc. We took her favorite things and started with taking it for a day. The next fit it was 2 days and on with each fit that was thrown. Eventually she would scream for my mother in law. So my husband decided not to let her go after she threw a fit that night. The random fits have stopped, now it’s just over her not wanting to do her homework. It’s exhausting but consistency is key. Keep your head up momma! I hope you find something that works for you!
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I just put my kids in their rooms. If they keep it up they spend longer in there without their favourite things. They are younger though. Tough love works sometimes. Have you tried the buddy system? She might just need an older, trustworthy person that’s not a shrink to talk to, play with or just even hang out with. It might work but be careful because you don’t want an adult as she might throw it in your face. Teenagers are helpful.
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Every time they show disrespect they lose a privilege. The bigger the outburst, the bigger the loss. They only get their privileges back when they earn them trough the good behavior. And I have even hauled them to do volunteer work to learn to be more grateful for what they have and really miss what they want back. Justvdont try to beat anger with more anger. Sometimes refusing to even acknowledge them during the outbursts gets their attention more.
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Talk to a behavior therapist. They’ll help both of you.
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We struggled with this as well with our 9 year old daughter,and we started sitting down with her and talking about the unwanted behavior, we gave her 2 punishment options and she had to choose one. It worked wonders for her. She felt like when we were talking about it and not just getting upset with her and giving out a punishment it made her realize what we expected and how to handle future situations. So now before she throws a tantrum or gets out of hand she will tell me she would like to talk about why she feels the need to act out.
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Whoop her ass. Believe me I raised my first 2 with physical discipline and rarely had to deal with any issues if ever. My second 2 I tried that talking and listening and taking things and they only got worse, now its even tougher on them cause now I whoop them and they straighten up but are overly dramatic about it lol. Won’t make that mistake with my twin babies that’s for sure.
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Yep, sometimes a good ol spanking works. 3 hard pops on the butt. Always reset mine, but… you have to be doing right as well. Talking, a reward and punishment system, and help them find ways to express their feelings. Has there been any possible trauma that might have taken place? Humans take things out on those they feel the safest to misbehave with. Ijs.
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I have a 7 yr.
Old as well. Take toys away. T.v anything. Treats. Just start taking things away. Don’t give them back til the child apologizes . And if they do it again take away whatever is you gave them. Consequences, and you have to stick to them. If you say you’re going to count to 3 then there should be a consequence after 3 . Otherwise your child knows you’re not going to do it you’re just saying it.
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You mention you are having health problems. Perhaps without you realizing it the dynamics of your home has changed as a result. She may be picking up on this and be very unsure of what is happening so as a result is acting out. Maybe you need to explain you are not feeling good but are still her loving mama. Let her do a little care giving to you so she feels she’s in the loop.
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We had issues like this too where consequences seemed to not phase her. I thought, this child needs to go into the military as an adult… nothing breaks her strong-willed ways… turns out she has ADHD and hearing loss. 
The ADHD is untreated and she’s older now so she’s more manageable but I just felt like the worst parent… had to adjust my expectations and approach drastically.
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her world got upended in the pandemic. none of us know how we would have reacted if this occured when we were kids. maybe start by asking how did all of these changes affect you. what do you miss. what do you worry about. you may decrease her frustrating behavior by simply punishing but at what cost ? kids aren’t good at talking about their feelings. letting her draw her anger and fear can give you insight into her, and teach her that you are open to listening.
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There may be an underlying reason they are acting out, they may be trying to tell you something without actually saying it. Maybe having a calm heart to heart with them to try n find out the reason? Maybe something is happening at school. I really hope things work out 
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I smacked mine in the mouth not hard but enough it got her attention. Now it’s yes ma’am and no tlkn back.
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Dealing with this exact same issue, health problems and all, with my 5 year old too. I’ve even been to the doctor, for both of us.
Give her a good one and look right at her tell her your not playing and your the boss not her scare her my grandkids know I don’t play I snap my fingers they know I’m not playing
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Just ignore her!
Dont argue wid her coz it will lead to higher tension between u and her.
Walk out whenever she is having her tantrums etc.
Take away the electronics. Fixes every attitude problem real fast. The bigger the issue, the longer the privileges are lost.
I did check marks and x’s. Takes a bit for them to catch on, but it works very well from personal experience. It’s .25 cents per check mark for behaviors what you would like to reward and an x for one’s you don’t, means minus .25 cents. The end of the week you count all the check marks first with quarters, then you literally take one per x away. It really puts the abstract into a concrete idea.
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Read about the goals of misbehavior from Rudolf Dreikers. Understanding what is behind the behavior can help mitigate it.
Parenting with love and logic
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She’s doing the best she can! Please try to understand…at 7 she’s having BIG feelings and not knowing how to express herself!!! Guide her.
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It’s really tough. With my step son the more you take stuff away the worse he gets as he has nothing left
To lose. Try praising the good things and maybe a reward chart. Have a look at the The Happy Self Journal on Amazon… might help to get off her chest how she is feeling and also you do a day to day diary of what’s gone good through the day so would give her a reason to want to try and behave 
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I struggled with this with my 7 yo. I took him to be tested and found out he has adhd. So everything I tried just made it worse. We’re working on different techniques now- it’s still a struggle but now I know that a lot of it he can’t help so it’s not as frustrating-
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Sometimes going old school is what it calls for, use soap for foul disrespectful mouth, a drop of pink Palmolive she’ll stop lol a well placed smack on the ass and grounded from toys/electronics works. She will get the hint…
YOU ARE THE PARENT! I’ll tell you what I just told another parent be the bitch parent you never wanted to be bc if you don’t stop this now it will only get worse.
I have had to have a few not proud parenting moments to get my kids to who they are todY and if I had to do it again I would.
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I think we all are going through this because of the lock down. All kids are going mad. So I’ve been doing different things. Maybe you both can find something like what I do is called poi. It’s amazing and kids love them. Or start a new hobby whatever you both can do. Paint. Craft. Etc. I’ve found art a way to transform the energy into something better
Only thing that works with my 7 year old is taking away electronic devices! Video games, Tv, and tablets
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Take everything away. TV, tablets, video games, phones, if it gets worse take her mattress and door off the hinges. Bad behavior kids can do without these things if they can act out
If youre feeling that way then id look for coping techniques for you. Or a therapist you have to take care of you. Aand trust me you will always have these good stages and terrible stages so you need to learn how to cope so you dont cont to feel the way you do during the trying times of parenting
Wendy
Have you tried spanking her ass a ces times, I am sure that will help her attitude.
Therepy for you both. Also a Dr visit and request some testing to determine if she is nero divergent. Adhd, add, odd, ext…
Diciplin does not work the same on us. Spanking just causes more anger and resentment, espically those with adhd like myself, alot of emotions go straigh to anger. Spanking works for very few in my experience. But in a daycare setting we have to use time outs and other diciplin, no corpral punishment allowed.
Unless they are hurting themselves, others or doing somthing dangerous, ignore the bad behavior.
Also look for good behavior and praise her when she does good things.
Also food dyes, espically red are terrible for behavior iasues. If she is adhd or any kid benifits from activity. Dance, tumbling, Karate,
a sport, something high energy.
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Spank her butt every time she throws a tantrum problem solved.
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I would never let any of my kids run me into the ground like that! She’s 7! Sorry but with you breaking down like this she knows she has the upper hand and your making yourself look weak…I really hope you figure out a way to get ahead of it now if not your really screwed
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It’s too late good luck
The number of people who believe beating another human in to submission is a good idea is just shocking. To say nothing of incredibly lazy parenting. Why not kill them while you are at it. Then they will never misbehave again. See how stupid you sound.
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Wow you took it to the next level from spank on the butt to beating to submission or even killing, shit I don’t think that’s what was suggested Karen 
How to Have a New Kid by Friday and Birth Order Book by Kevin Lehman were really helpful. Also Love and Logic book. We had a blended family of 10 and a few acted like that.
I had to do extreme timeouts. Put them in a place where they can’t see the TV or you. Walk by them like they aren’t there. If the child is 7 start with 7 minutes. At the end of the time sit down with them ask them why they are in trouble if they can’t tell you tell them you love them and start over. You aren’t being mean but you must demand respect and require they know why they are in trouble.
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Hugs. I would make sure that nothing drastically changed in his life. Such as a new teacher or different relationships within the household, new friends. Also he may be frustrated because people aren’t understanding him. I will check to see if there’s something going on inside of him if he has any type of issues such as ODD. I would do positive parenting. Try to stay calm, low voice when you speak to him. when someone’s being aggressive toward someone and if they react the same way it will just escalate the situation and no good will come out of it.
Make her write standards. Kids don’t want to sit in a chair and write 20 plus time, “I will not…” Did it for my son. Time outs don’t work the older they get. Just up the number of times she has to write the same sentence over and over until she stops. No breaks no getting up until she’s done. She does it again. Have her write them all over. Every child is different but this worked for my son. 
It may be because of what she’s watching or being entertained by. Not everything that says for children should really be for children. To make my point, peppa pig, cailou…they are no gos because of the behavior of the characters. Daniel tiger is a disruptive character too. And Arthur…forget about it 
According to Jo Frost aka Super Nanny, time outs are the answer. she goes in for 1 minute per year of age. So every time she gets in trouble, you give her a warning, second time you go down to her level and you explain why she is going into time out. You put her in and set timer. If she gets up before the timer goes off, put her straight back in and restart the timer back to 7 min. Does not matter if there was only 50 seconds like.You must restart it. Do not talk to her. Just take her right back into time out. Even if she is kicking and screaming. When she does her 7 min you go over to her and get down to her level and explain again why you put her there, then tell her she needs to apologize to you, if she does then give hugs and kisses and go on with your day. If she refuses to apologize then leave her in timeout until she feels she is ready to. You have to be consistent. I have seen it take hours just to do a 5 minute timeout. But if you stay consistent then eventually she will get it. Good luck!!
Sounds like you have a daughter who is a spoiled brat. If that is the the case don’t fall for her demands. She is going to have to realize that as long as she lives under her parents roof that she has to adhere to your rules. There is no such thing as rewarding a kid who misbehaves. Sorry it doesn’t work that way.
Dont discipline, he yells at you ignore,
Keep your voice quiet at all times
He demands, use quiet voice to say quietly, sadly your ears dont work to loud noises. Ask quietly with a please and magic can happen
It’s hard, dont be just the disciplinarian. If you can get out…grab the kids throw them in the car drive to the park.
Build castles
Have a foid fight
Be a child
And if that child throws a tantrum on the floor…join them !
Mother to 5 Gramma to 18
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Set the boundaries. ( She knows the rules).Be consistent w one word answers only said once and said in quiet voice ( don’t try to explain why) and/ actions ( physically take her to room,or gather up all toys/games or turn TV off, etc wo a word) spank when necessary (w a hug afterward) she’s 7? Plan or do something fun together after 7 hours of good behaviour. Maybe let her put a smiley face or sticker on fridge for every hour good to acknowledge herself. Be patient which is the hardest but stay your ground. Bless you
Our Mom spanked the shit out of us not counting slaps on the face. I raised my kids the same way and the turned out perfect
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It’s called a belt works wonders
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Bust her butt spare the rod spoil the child
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I’m in the same boat with my six year old. Nothing works. Counseling/therapy was a waste of time and money. No disciplinary methods are effective. I’ve just come to the conclusion that this is my life now: a mom to an asshole kid and no hope in sight.
I used to get the belt when I was a kid. One slap with that will straighten any kid out. In fact, if I was being bad, my dad would stand up, take his belt off fast, and make a popping sound with it. I would literally sit down wherever I was standing. And the beauty of a good ol fashioned ass whooping is, you do it one time and the kid straightens up for a lifetime lol. Buuuttt if that’s not what you want to do, take her to a scared straight type program or counseling. And get yourself to a doctor too. Sounds like you are giving yourself ulcers and no 7 year old should be powerful enough to do that. My thoughts go out to you in whatever situation you make
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You shouldn’t use any physical punishment on a seven year old, in my opinion. If grounding and taking away privileges isn’t working, maybe you need to get down on their level and talk to them as a big kid. Take them out on a date and lighten the mood for the both of you before sitting alone and asking what’s going on in their mind that’s making them act the way they have been and if there is anything that you as a parent can do to better the situation/relationship.
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Have you had her evaluated by a good Doctor for learning disabilities?
Read 1-2-3 magic! We didn’t use all of it but it helped with my kiddo a ton. I was even told to place myself in time out instead of my child, less intrusive and oddly it worked wonders, I told my daughter it was her choice and it stopped fairly quickly, I only put myself in “timeout” for about 5 minutes In my room, no words, just locked myself in. Gave us both a chance to calm down without escalating the issue.
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