Hii, I’m 35yr and a single parent of 2year old boy from India. My baby was born out of a marriage, and in India, it’s still a taboo; it is considered a disgrace to the family, and at times you’re discarded from society if you give birth without marriage. I was lucky enough that my parents understood and accepted. My parents are old, and I’m not in touch with my baby’s father because he never took any responsibility when I was pregnant. He made my life miserable and left me to take care of myself all alone. Being a single mother, I have constant fears that something will happen to me or sometimes dark thoughts for my baby, and if I tell my parents, they won’t understand this. I’m working because of these intrusive thoughts, affecting my mental peace, and I tend to lose temper on my baby, and later on, I’m in guilt mode. I don’t know what exactly needs to be done. Am I turning into a bad mom, or if many mommies go through this. Please don’t judge me. I’m seeking proper guidance.
Mama. U are great and amazing. Your strength is inspiring. Keep going. Push through for that baby and live for your child. Every mom gets “mom guilt” every now and then. All that matters is that you love that baby above all else and work your hardest to support and care for her. You can do it. Have faith and just never give up. Many blessings to you mama.
Awe Hun. Don’t feel guilty. We all lose our temper from time to time. What I’ve learned over the years being a parent is that sometimes you have to put yourself in a time out. Instead of getting mad at your child, make sure your child is safe then get yourself in a time out for 5 minutes then revisit the situation that you are frustrated with.
I don’t believe in corporal punishment so this mommy time out was the key for me to learn how to be the best mom possible.
Your putting to much guilt on your shoulders. Who cares what other people think. Its 2021. Just take a deep breath we all have yelled. Your a great mom.
This is completely normal momma! For the dark thoughts, I had those too and didnt know it was associated with Post Partum depression. Try talking to a doctor about medication for anxiety and depression if you are okay with medication.
The only thing is that matters is what you think. It doesn’t matter what anyone else’s things. You may need to speak to someone about your fears so you can sort them out and understand them. They can also help you sort out your out bursts.
Seek counseling now.
We all lose our temper at temper at times. Just apologize and let you child know your a person too. He may not understand now but your teaching him how to be a good person. If you he’s someone to talk to therapy is okay and very helpful. Keep your head up and keep being the good mom you are
Easy to see you are a fantastic momma based on the fact alone your posting asking for support it must of took alot of courage 
please speak to the drs they will help you through this my messenger is also open if you feel confident enough to speak to me 
your not alone xx
You also might get checked for ppd and ppa post partum depression and anxiety
I’m a mother of a 20 and 25 year old, and all I can do is forgive myself for not being a better parent than I could have. Give yourself credit for not giving up!
I felt very much like you for a long time but now I have antidepressant medication and counselling and it is a huge help x
It’s called intrusive thoughts, it’s very common after you have a baby, you could have post partum depression, speak to a doctor or mental health advisor
Unfortunately it comes with being a good parent to a certain point. If it’s too much on you seek help please.
Hold on… in what way are you losing your temper with your baby? And what thoughts? Nobody seems to be registering this, could mean anything! Is this child safe ?
Sorry you are in a difficult situation, this is very sad. It’s ok to get upset sometimes but when you do try to find another outlet. Go into another room for a moment grab a pillow and scream into it as loud as you can. Take the pillow and hit it on the bed. Just try to remember that it’s not your sons fault like yours that the father chose the easy way out.
Being a single Mom is horribly hard sometimes; I am one too. However, my culture is different so I don’t have the same pressure. If you can, find a counselor. Maybe find a book online that can help you with redirecting pain and anger.
Yoga is a great out source for stress and you can do it with your child.
Keep your head up, keep loving on your child and God Bless!
It’s very brave of you to reach out. A good start would be to call and get an appointment to talk to someone since you don’t feel your parents would understand… Postpartum depression is real and can last years. There’s nothing wrong with getting medication and counciling you deserve to get help and so does your child. No one should live with those intrusive thoughts and feelings and there is help.
Don’t mind what others think about your situation. It’s your life, don’t let culture or tradition affect your motherhood journey because the people in your community are not the ones who will raise your child. Just continue being a good mother to your child & it’s ok if you kose temper sometimes. It happens, don’t feel guilty about it. All you have to do is be the mother that your child deserves and continue showing him the love & care that he needs. You will be alright.
Please get professional help, see a doctor, even if you get prescribed meds/therapies etc it’s just a temporary crutch until you can be in a better place and get back to being you again.
I escaped a dv/abusive relationship with my baby (years ago now) I never got help until I had my son years later because of what was said and done to me made me so worried and paranoid. Getting help was essential for me and my babies, I spent so much time sobbing and scared when I should’ve been enjoying it all and my babies x
U need counseling ASAP
Indian here!
I had a child out of wedlock to an American also. I can relate to your post. I am also a single mom. If whomever wants to PM, I will be glad to talk to you.
Oh my heart breaks for you. Seek therapy. It’s post partum and depression. Man mother’s go through this. You’ve already made a tremendous step by asking what to do. It’s ok. You’re gonna be ok. Take care of yourself. Self care is extremely important. Seek counseling. It won’t always be this hard mama. It gets better. They won’t always be this little, or needy.
- you are NOT a bad mom, bad moms dont see the wrong doing and consequently dont try to make their situation better. post partum is very real and it sounds like you may be experiencing this.
- You definitely need to talk to your doctor about this, they’ll be able to give you anxiety medicine to help relieve some of these feelings. Dont sit on it too long, sometimes it can take months to get in with a psychiatrist. My thoughts are with you.
You’re not a bad mother. I lose patience with my baby almost every day. Children are HARD and your culture doesn’t make it much easier. You are not a disgrace. You are human. Sending all my love.
You are not a bad mom. There is no shame in needing help. The real shame is not asking for it. Hugs!
Sorry. Seek counseling
Sounds like postpartum depression, I too had the same feelings. Sometimes anxiety can manefest in different ways…could be anger, could be sadness, it varies. Talk to your ob and she will put you on something without a question. My ob made me feel very comfortable. Hope this helps!
Please don’t feel like you’re a bad mom. Get to your Dr and tell them what’s going on with you. Probably postpartum depression. There’s help out there, please get it. If you get upset around the baby, lay them down and take a few minutes to get ahold of yourself. If your worried about hurting your baby, please get help ASAP.
Love you. And I don’t even know you. But to open up and try to find help, I know your going to be just fine!!! Love yourself and take good care of you and everything else will fall into place. I have no words for guidance but just wanted to say I love the fact you are trying to help yourself. And what ever you do don’t stop!
I’m a single mom if anyone needs helps always here 
Love and prayers for you
I went through this after having my daughter. My son was 3, and I had a newborn & I had a constant fear something would happen to me and they would be all alone. Theres a lot of pressure on single mothers! I went to the doctor, and they prescribed me prozac for awhile, and something to help me sleep & after awhile I felt better. I would suggest reaching out and talking to someone… still to this day I lose my cool on occasion and feel guilty, I think that’s a part of parenting and it doesnt make u a bad parent. We can’t be perfect all the time.
Momma please reach out to a mental health professional. These thoughts are normal, but if they’re at a point where you feel like they’re effecting your daily life you may need help.
We as mother’s always have the what’s the worse can happen onsite first. If you feel it’s beyond that and you yourself will do harm to your baby please seek some help. We all get frustrated with our kids but remember they did not have a choice to be here you made that choice for them. So please have patience and love them as much as possible. Good luck:heart:
Don’t take things out on a baby. You need to learn how to calm down and relax . Maybe ask your parents to watch him when you get upset until you calm down.
I went through this. I even went as far as going to a counseling center to talk to someone and they wouldn’t see me because I had 2 different types of insurance. My mom came and stayed with me and helped with the baby. 3 weeks after I had my son, I started hemorrhaging at home, taken by ambulance, taken in for surgery and I think that is why I had post partum depression because of everything I went through, I was traumatized and afterwards I was scared to be alone with my son. When he was 6 months old I was finally comfortable being alone and taking care of him without any help except for my bf/his daddy. I’ve always had anxiety/depression issues. I’d possibly get on some type of medicine to help you and maybe have some friends come and help you out. It’ll help you out a bunch.
You should never take anger out on a baby. You could be suffering from postpartum depression, even though your baby is 2. It could stem from soon after birth and it could have gotten worse over the last 2 years. Are you able to talk to a doctor about your feelings? I would start there.
When you lose your temper what do you do? It’s not easy being a single parent, if counseling is available you might try that
I’m sorry for your struggles. There is a book I use in my work called “the power to break free”. It was written by a woman with a similar culture you explained and is a powerful book about domestic violence but talks about similar struggles you have had. I wish you the best. Ps-all moms get upset even w their kids put baby in a safe space (crib, buckled car seat) and step away for 2 minutes. Even if baby cries it won’t hurt them. Take some breathes ground yourself then try again.
I think you might have pd, and should seek help from your doctors and or family support worker. You’ve been through the ringer abit with the move aswell! Please seek help for yourself, you obviously dont like how you feel at the moment and see that it’s not healthy for you or you child. That is overcoming a huge part of it! You can do it, you are good enough and you are worth looking after aswell. I’m a single mum too, to a 15 month old. Yeah its bloody hard work when they are so young!!! Eyes in the back of your head and oh my the tantrums!!! But you got this! Good luck and thoughts are with you x
You need to speak to a doctor. You probably have post partum depression. When my daughter was a baby she cried constantly. One night I locked myself in the bathroom and turned on the tap so I couldn’t hear the crying. I was afraid I might hurt the baby. Please see a doctor and tell them how you are feeling
If you’d ever need to talk or to vent or get your anger out please please message me call me. I’m free. No judgment ever. I’m hear to listen truly. Praying for you.
What area are you in? Check your local noticeboard for other single mums, sounds like you need a friend. Get to know your neighbors as this will help you lots
It’s normal to feel frustrated and angry at times as a parent. I was a single mom to my oldest and I’d get frustrated I’m not a single parent to my youngest and when I’m frustrated I can walk away because I tell his dad I need a break. If it’s all the time or having fear that is affecting your everyday life it does sound like pd. I don’t know if you have services to help your mental health but I would definitely seek help and see if it’s pd
Try counselling also join a group of young mum’s, you need a support group. Things have changed will get better s mall steps.
Sounds like postpartum anxiety/depression. It can take up to 2 years to show up. Time to see a doctor. Don’t let your parents discourage you from getting mental help. If you suffer from it, it’s actually possible your mother did too. It’s my understanding that mental health issues aren’t spoken about in Indian families (could be wrong, and obviously not all families are the same) but if that’s the issue, it might end up being helpful discussing your journey and your medical treatment with your mother. If she suffered silently, this could help her work through any feelings she may have left from when she was raising small children.
You need PROPER guidance, like counseling NOT Facebook!
Sound like post partum depression and you should absoulty speak to your dr about these feelings they can help …your not a bad mom and believe it or not it’s very common for moms to feel this way after child birth and months later too please see your dr they can help you and put you on the right path and if possible maybe when your not working and have some free time join a moms group if they are having any in person or vitural and maybe even a support group you’ll never know the kind of support ,tricks or hacks moms have to offer You wont always feel this way I promise and don’t let your parents make you feel ashamed or bad about your feelings do what’s best for you good luck momma you got this
Please seek therapy. You are good enough. You obviously love that child and the end of the day. That is what matters. Please don’t that old fashioned views influence you.
No judgment here, that sounds like depression and anxiety please get your to your doctor and get some medication and don’t be ashamed you have been brave for speaking up before it took hold and you do something you would regret. We all have stressfuls moments with the kids if you can try to make your child safe by strapping in a pushchair or if older just leaving for a couple of minutes to gather your thoughts I find this helps rather than lay a hand on the child. I can see you are a good mum for asking advice and caring about this so I hope you get the help you need
No judgement. Not a bad mom either. Find a counselor or someone from church if you go. Just someone you can meet up with and talk to. Sometimes just having someone that will listen is so helpful. Being able to let out frustration that doesn’t affect the baby and so you don’t feel guilty.
It’s normal to worry & stress when you’re a mom, especially a single mom. You have alot more to carry on your shoulders. Make sure you’re taking personal time for yourself. You said your parents are old & I’m familiar w/your culture as you’re probably caring for them as well. Get a sitter from time to time. Go have lunch w/a friend, pray, meditate, go walk in a park, or go shopping. Caregiver burn out is real & we have to make sure we’re taking care of ourselves so we can continue caring for others.
Postpartum depression. Contact your doctor
YOU ARE FANTASTIC . Although you knew the consequences YOU kept your baby 
. This little child has a chance at life. Don’t feel guilty… Feel nothing but pride . Relax and enjoy your beautiful child that YOU brought into this world . Let your Son see how strong his Mammy is… Teach him to be the Man he can be with Respect, Kindness, Trust and good manners no matter what . No matter what Religion or Society YOU GOT THIS . YOU can do this… You’ve done NOTHING wrong. . I wish you both all the very best in life and if things get overwhelming ALWAYS ask for help. I’m here for you
I can’t speak from the single parent or cultural part but the rest I can relate to. We all have bad moments with our emotions getting the best of us. I didn’t expect my sons tantrums and behavior to trigger my anxiety so badly. Whe I was able to recognize it I was able to be a better parent. Also though use it to teach your kid. When I screw up i apologize to him. I explain how I was feeling and that I didn’t express myself well and I will try to be better next time. That’s the same thing I want him to be able to do. Your feelings are completely fine. Just jeep trying to learn how to deal with it all in a healthy way. Therapy would be a good idea as others have pointed out. We are all humans who need help sometimes. Mom’s aren’t perfect.
No judgment momma! I would talk to your doctor. These are signs of depression and anxiety. It’s treatable with medication, it will also help you and your child to be happier♥️ it makes those thoughts go away
I am so sorry you are going through a hard time right now and absolutely no judgement! We all have our struggles no matter what it looks like. Don’t feel ashamed or beat yourself up over any of it either. You are an amazing mama and I don’t doubt your son knows that!
Reaching out with your story and being vulnerable is a huge step. It is ok to not be ok. ALL mothers feel this way at some point and if they say they don’t they are lying. Therapy may take time to get appointments due to covid but in the mean time write all your anger and sadness down. Say all the things you want to say authenticity, to get it out. When you are done rip it up and burn it. It may sound silly but it allows you to get it all out without being judged and its no longer bottled up inside. Your son WILL appreciate all.your sacrifices when he is older trust me you are enough❤
Seek therapy. It sounds like ur either bipolar, depressed, or have anxiety issues. U need 2 seek someone’s professional opinion and get proper medication if needed. It also sounds like ur taking ur resentment from the ex on ur kid. If they understood about ur situation they should understand anything else u bring up. If this helps u, I have a hormone imbalance which causes me 2 look like I’m bipolar. When I’m not on my birth control (which balances my hormone issue) I get really mean and intolerable of everybody then turn around and cry when the touchiest of commercials come on or someone says something 2 me that hurts my feelings.
Sounds like you are dealing with PPD or anxiety. I would get therapy to work through the issues you are dealing with and possibly medication to help with the anxiety.
Solution to your problem is “Financial Security” and psychological “counselling” for taking out your stress in a healthy way. You can’t control the future or the past. But taking out the frustration on an innocent child is only going to affect his mental health. All the efforts that you put in raising him will get wasted if he never knew a lovable mommy. One bad thought will affect 1000 good memories. Right now all your child needs is love from the only person he has ever known. If you take out your frustration on him, it’s not gonna help either of you. It will only do more harm than any good. Understand its always difficult to manage work life and family life. Every women go through this phase. But yelling at the little baby is not the solution. Baby is not responsible for all the problems in your life. If you hold baby responsible for all the problems in your life, then you will start seeing the baby as a burden. If thats the case, then please put the baby for adoption. That would be a better option for the sake of your mental well being and the baby’s overall well being.
Also boy babies are very hard to handle. They test our patience almost every single minute. They push our limits a hell lot of time. Trust me I am dealing with one of my own. Old age parents will find it difficult to handle the infant boy. Boys of that age are mischievous and uncontrollable. They explore everything including our emotions. Definitely hard to handle. You are not alone in this situation. Don’t worry. So working and taking care of the baby on your own is definitely overwhelming and difficult to handle the emotions. It’s ok to discipline the baby. But when you think that you are doing more harm than helping him to understand things around him, it’s better to seek professional help. Atleast open up to someone who will listen to you or write it in a piece of paper. It does help a lot. You will feel a lot better. Do read many self help books and articles. It will give you new perspective in life. It will change your thought process.
You’re feelings are valid and there are many many resources than can help you, please reach out to your family doctor.
You need some counseling this sounds like depression is trying to dictate how you should feel think and be. You are an excellent mom. If you lose your temper on your son well that’s just part of being stressed tired and depressed. It happens sometimes just as long as you let your son that sometimes mommy losses her temper and that you are ok. Prayers to you. I know being a mom is hard but I have someone to help me. If you can afford it or know someone who you trust have them take your son for a few hours and have time for you. Please go see a therapist that will help to
There are many counseling Centers in Hospitals, Churches Lawyers Offices who can give Sound Advice . And they can help with legal Issues Maybe Appointing If It Would Be Necessary They(Family/Person) Could Adopt
.
“Proper guidance” from what source?
Please contact the Women’s Care Center in Peoria. I’m sure they can be reached by phone. However, they recently had a fire so they will temporarily be relocating.
Reach out to Connie Mc Clure or Joyce Elger in the W.C.C. Office. They are wonderful, caring councilors.
You are not a bad mom . Many women suffer fears and depression. Motherhood is a huge undertaking ! Please take care of your mental self . Remember that the 2year old isn’t the problem so you don’t take things out on him! Stressing is the problem and you need to give yourself a break !!! Hugs !!!
That sounds like postpartum depression which can cause intrusive thoughts and irrational fears and mood swings. I had it with my first baby. It is not your fault and you are not a bad mom. Talk to your doctor about it. If you can find a counselor or support group for depression (even if it’s online) that will be a good start. If you need to step away and take a few minutes to breathe then put the baby in a safe place and go breathe. Things will get better, just keep your chin up.
I agree with the above comments. You have a symptom of depression from stress and… and you need to make amends with what you are in, to continue to be happier going forward. Change what you can to be more of a positive impact. It could as simple as taking up a hobby a change in diet to boost brain thoughts, or perhaps the NiA technique. I dont know you, but you are not alone in this.
Hey Hon, you are not a bad mom for losing your temper. I think you may be suffering from depression & anxiety. Then to top it off you are doing this alone & during a pandemic. Blessing to you & I hope you can find inner peace & continue on being a strong independent woman.
Go to A dr they can help you
This is depression. Talking helps immensely as well as anti depressive medication
Need to talk to someone. There are lots of mental health programs. Check your area! Prayers
Yea sweetie ask your Doctor to help you out with finding someone to talk to . Good luck and remember even though we are all strangers we are always here for you and anyone else who needs a friend . 
First and foremost you are not a bad mother at all! You have done the hardest thing and that is to ask for help!
It sounds like you have some sort of depression and a bit of anxiety, go and speak to a doctor (GP) about it say exactly what you have said in this post and they will get you started on the right path to rid your self of this mind set.
Much love from a fellow single mum whom also has suffered in the same way you are.
You are a phenomenal mother and women take pride in how far you have become you are great mother for taking in consideration what you are feeling and fearing for your child, get help honey. Women like you are so successful you have what it takes to grow from all this and live a good life with your child, I am no doctor but sounds like depression, get help. Have patience with the baby’s terrible two’s please!. He will unconditionally have love for you as he grows and will always have your back, give him lots of love, as he doesn’t understand what you had to go through.
If you ever need to talk to someone. Message me I can chat for hours lol. Sometimes you just need a good conversation to ease your problems . I don’t know you but I would like to help by chatting. God bless you and your baby .
Postpartum depression. Best of luck. & Your not a bad mom keep seeking help.
You are not alone…just realize when you have a thought its only a thought dont force it to go away just let it pass by you and continue doing what you are doing.
That’s called PPD - its a chemical/ imbalance from having the baby - your not a bad mom - can seek professional help ?
Everyone needs boundaries. If you have a hard time creating and keeping them, it’s a reflection of your self worth. Those who truly care will honor your boundaries or anyone who wants to stay will learn to honor them. Your needs matter! Read that again.
Talk to doc aniexty and depression sounds like do mindful mediations
Check for post partum
You have to take it easy and pray
Let God be your guide, you will be a good mother
It takes work and patience
As far as the throughs you should find someone to speak to professionally
Best wishes
Single mom to 4 wonderful children with zero help from their father (they all have the same dad). You can do this! I think you should try to speak to a counselor for yourself to help you get over your fears because I know many single mothers, and while it’s not easy, you seem to have higher anxiety than most and having someone to talk to can really help you overcome those fears. Your baby is loved and you are a great mom. Just remember that.
It is hard to be a single parent. Try and give yourself some you time. Even if it is when your child is sleeping.
I raised al 3 of mine alone.
I feel grateful having my children and not having to share them.
But always remember you are not a bad parent just human.
Stress and anxiety. It’s really hard being a single parent under good circumstances, let alone culturally difficult ones. Can you seek medical treatment for anxiety? Anti anxiety medication.
Don’t keep these feelings to yourself. Asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of. You and your child will benefit from it.
I’ve been in your shoes and felt like I was all alone you gonna be fine just breathe and talk to someone most of all get someone to watch the baby and take a break for your self even if it is just for a walk or a cup of coffee it’s hard being a single mom but you can do it.
Postpartum depression is REAL…as is postpartum rage (a symptom from ppd) Many experience these things in silence for fear of being judged. Myself included. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! 
It sounds like you also have situational fears as well. I strongly suggest seeking professional guidance. It may also help to provide your parents with literature to help them better understand in order for them to provide the support you need from them. Be blessed, Momma.
See a doctor…this isn’t normal and you can find happiness:) dont settle!!
Please see a doctor. You are not alone.
Absolutely see a doctor. I had/have post partum depression and anxiety, and my anxiety would come out as anger or rage. My husband said he never saw me lose my temper that often. You are not alone. I wish I saw a Dr sooner because it completely changed my life
See a doctor but also turn to God. I’ve seen first hand the miracles he will do.
See a therapist and run it by them. You re going to get a million opinions on here. 
Seek help from a professional.
You need a friend. Counseling
May peace be with you and your child. Talking and getting support is important. As you navigate your society’s set beliefs. Circumstances does not dictate if your a good mother. Find a way to relieve you from stress as not to take it out on baby.
Boys are terrible at that age. Dont get mad. Laugh and remember that in 10 years he won’t want to have anything to do with you. He will be off with his friends. Enjoy these moments. Annoying as they may be.