Food addiction is very real. It sounds like they’re still heavily in denial. Just like any addict, as long as you’re helping them, they’ll keep taking the help, and keep asking for more. Enabling an addict is the worst thing you can do to help them.
Set firm boundaries, set your standards to what you are willing to help with and not, and do not cross those boundaries.
There are services available to help them for mental help and their physical needs.
Be firm, but let them know it’s coming from a place of love while also protecting your own mental health.
I’m sorry you and your loved one are going through this.
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You can’t help someone who doesn’t want help. So if you still want to help. Make it like an everyother week thing only. And you lay out the conditions. Leave them be. Don’t talk about it. Stop bringing it up. They know their health is dangerous. They can feel and see it. Do they have an underlying health condition. If they do. It would be helpful to learn as much as you possibly can about said condition. I have Fibromyalgia. I’ve heard some of they very same things you’re saying before. Yes they are worse cause of their size. But sometimes it spawned from something they had no control over.
The best advice I can offer is. Just love them how they are. It’s not your problem on their health. They are grown and can make their own choices. We don’t have to agree with them. We don’t have to like it. All we have to do is love them. Just because your kids help them. Doesn’t give you the right to dictate health conditions. I get that you’re scared for them. And you care about them deeply. If they were to die tomorrow. You would never forgive yourself for the way you’ve treated them. Life is too short. Just love them. And don’t allow the kids to do so much. Start pulling it back. Being 500 pounds is not just as easy as getting up and cleaning house. It’s not that they are lazy. It’s that they physically can’t. They’re so big now. The thought of losing weight and what goes into it is probably overwhelming and you’re making it worse. Be gentle with your loved ones. Tomorrow is not promised.
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Leave
That
Person
Alone
If they are ready they will ask
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Stop enabling them first and foremost. You can love them and not owe them the luxury of watching them kill themselves. You offered help to improve their health and their life, and they made it clear they don’t care to get better. Like with anyone who is drowning and refuses to take the life saver you throw to them, you can stand on the dock and watch them scream for you to get in the water and help them, or you can say your goodbyes and let them know you’ll do anything to help when they are ready to take the help you’re offering. You don’t have to watch them die, and nor do your children. In the mean time, I would call an intervtionist and talk to them about whether or not this person is a good candidate for help.
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I have to parent my disabled mother. I have to deal with her health problems. She hated it at first, been when I reminded her that she didn’t want to be a burden on me, her words, she understood why her health mattered.
I’m not sure why everyone is acting like the mom who wrote the post is somehow in the wrong. She clearly said the person is constantly asking for help. She isn’t just pestering them about losing weight just for the hell of it. She has been offering support in order to encourage the person who want to try and lose weight in order to become FUNCTIONAL to be able to live their own life without the help of others for basic things. She is offering to help this person become more independent and they said they would literally rather stay immobile and not do anything ever and just keep using other people and asking for help left and right. So, considering they want nothing to do with bettering their health or becoming more capable as a person, I would stop associating with them because it’s going to drain you.
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I’m sure it seems like I don’t try to lose weight to some people, even though it’s literally a huge stress on me and I do try. Trauma and grief can make it feel impossible. Don’t go help if it makes you so stressed, only help if you are willing and empathetic
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Idk why everyone is shaming you because I know damn well if one of my loved ones was in this position I would be doing everything I can as well. There’s no way I would support this life style or let my children think it’s ok. Tough love is the next step. It’s become toxic for you and your children. Be there for them if they want to talk or chat but cut off ties of any help when they can clearly make steps towards doing some of these things themselves. There’s no need you have to watch them kill themselves and let them take advantage of you or your family if they’re refusing to do anything about it. Enabling, which you are doing, is a part of the problem.
“You can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink” you CANNOT help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves, they would of done something already if they wanted to or care to, but they dont you did your part to help but in reality the ball is in their court your just on the side lines in their life so just love them for who they are and what they want set boundaries for yourself and dont cross them cause really your only in control of you and how you react to situations you dont have control over another adults body
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If they want to live that way then there’s nothing you can do about it so stop mentioning it. No amout of talking will solve this situation and you need to remember it’s a mental aswell as a physical disease. Please stop trying to change them. Asking about what kind of funeral they want is just horrible! They know what being that big means but you don’t need to say stuff like that to them but don’t feel bad for saying no. You have to live your own life and I think it starts by not being at their beck and call all the time. Nobody has the right to have a hold over you and your family. Some would say your enabling this sort of behaviour and you are to an extent so it’s time to step back.
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Without any underlying medical issues (I don’t that that they do or don’t) or them trying (not sure if they have) , my momma always said
“you can’t help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves” and I’ve always lived by this. Try nicely helping, go see them daily, be their coach, their support. Let them know your not giving up and help them push themselves. As long as they try then you keep try. If they don’t try then don’t keep burdening yourself. Family is family I get that but it’s also painful to watch a loved one kill themselves.
Stop helping them if you don’t want to help them, you can’t force someone to do something they have no interest in and being overbearing about it will probably have the opposite effect that you want
If there is a (gentle) way to get them to therapy, it might help more. Sounds like a couple addictions going on.
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I’ve dealt with addicts my whole life. And eating like this is an addiction. It usually starts with trauma and ends up in turmoil. The biggest thing you need to understand is you can’t force someone to change. Addicts rely on family and friends to enable their behavior, so what you can do is make it harder for them to continue. Stop doing all these things for them. Let them figure it out or hit rock bottom. That is the best help you can give them right now. I understand the frustration of watching someone you love kill themselves. But you have to step back and let it go when it starts affecting you and your family. Goodluck.
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I agree they should and could take steps to help their self but just my opinion, you are not their judge. Do you honestly think they don’t already see what you continue to pick on or point out? Also this is a grown ass adult. You can’t force them to do anything. If this person is persistent in asking for help, set boundaries. But don’t be cruel. Be supportive and maybe ask yourself why your so ashamed of them. Maybe you have things within yourself you need to fix.
It seems no one has read the entire post. Mental health, dietitians etc were offered.
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If they won’t even try they don’t deserve the help. You tried they denied so let them take care of them selfs or they care higher a caretaker to do it it’s not your job to stress yourself out because they are lazy depression is real and I stuggles with it but they don’t want help they want to be lazy and have everyone do it for them so they don’t have to. And as long as you are they they will use you
Maybe look up online prader willi syndrome type of illness
You’ve done enough, u can’t help someone who doesn’t want help. Stop helping them clean their house and stop visiting and just move on with your life
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I would not help, I feel that is enabling them, I’am not cold hearted.
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First off. You need to stop enabling them by allowing your children and other family members to clean their house…its just like any other addiction, “helping” them is enabling. Love them from afar but let them know you’re no longer willing to watch them die, as hard as that may be, and let them know if and when they choose to get the help they need that you will be there to support them, but until then you need to distance yourself.
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I had a really good friend who was almost at 600, yes she had a medical condition (lymphedema) but when she took her meds like she was supposed to she would drop 50-70 pounds of water weight in a week alone. And had she continued to take her meds it would only increase the loss and make her life better but she would only take them like for a week every 8-10 months because getting to the bathroom was hard for her and her husband was a truck driver so he gone all day. Even when she wasn’t on meds there were plenty of times instead of getting up and forcing herself to the bathroom she would lay in bed and urinate/defecate on herself and stay there until he got home to clean her up.
I can’t even begin how many times I helped clean their home, keep up on their litter boxes (husband was also almost 400), etc. She refused any and all help even when it would’ve been covered by her insurance. There was also a 2 year point when she was smoking but had to do so outside, she would manage to get herself outside multiple times a day for a smoke but not to the bathroom. I ended up having to distance myself and my son.
If you are at the point where you are angry and don’t want to help anymore because it makes you angry, then don’t help. Don’t send your kids over. Offer to help them get a PCA through their health insurance or something.
You do not have to help then if it’s a detriment to yourself, and they won’t get help until they’re ready to.
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I was heavy my whole life and on a diet for my entire adult life. I was still obese.
You don’t know their struggles and you don’t need to be in their business. You aren’t concerned about them, you’re upset they are still heavy after you’ve “tried to help them”. You’re not helping. Leave them alone 
you are the worst kind of “friend” a heavy person can have.
Signed- a morbidly obese person for most of her life.
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So by weight shaming you are nothing more than a bully! If you don’t want to help and feel your children and family are being taken advantage of learn to say NO!
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As hard as it will be you need to stop being at their beck and call. If they don’t want to lose weight nothing you say or do will make them, you and your family need to live your own life, Don’t let them manipulate you, help them when it’s convenient for you, maybe if you quit jumping every time for them, it will motivate them to do something for them self
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The truth hurts. Everything you told us they should hear it
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When you get to certain size, the idea of losing weight becomes overwhelming and seems impossible. The biggest thing that doesn’t help is others constantly reminding of how fat and unhealthy you are. Instead, adding someone to come for a walk with you is nicer…but don’t do it in a condescending way.
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If it is causing you so much anger, I think you need to talk to a therapist yourself. I’ve had family members that have caused me anger and dealing with them was too much to handle. My therapist helped me a lot. What was best for me was to remove the family member from my life for awhile while I focused on me.
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First of all, Mind your own. You’re hurting this person more than helping them
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You can’t force somebody to do something they don’t want to do but you could possibly force them into helping themselves by stopping helping them at all. Why would the family member want to put in the effort to clean or do errands if they know they can pay somebody else to do it. Take your kids, step away and maybe the family member will be forced to help themselves
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You are using their problem. their unhealthy as it seems lifestyle to bully, shame them to fit your ideas. Learn to be kind and accepting.
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It’s a mental illness and your words probably won’t ever help.
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They’re probably aware they are morbidly obese. There may even be a root cause you’re unaware of.
If your kids don’t feel they’re being compensated enough, they should stop. Otherwise leave it up to them.
I get that you’re over it…but imagine how frustrated they must be✌️
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Just remember, there’s laziness then there’s extreme depression
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Distance yourself emotionally and physically but I feel like you are in no position to judge them for how they’re living. As for your children, if they’re over 18 they can make their own decisions therefore they can decide how much they’re willing to put up with.
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Depression is a REAL thing! Maybe walk away and mind your own business if its bothering you so much.
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These comments crack me up with everyone saying “mind your own”, this person she is asking about RELIES on her and her children to do everything for them. It IS her business 
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Stop enabling thrm. Step back from it and that will force them to do for themselves
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U can only help them so much time to move on
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I see a lot of rude comments, mostly from people being defensive because they are overweight themselves.
There is a different between being overweight and being morbidly obese. Both carry health issues and there is no way around it. Yes the truth absolutely hurts. It is considered a medical issue and when you are so overweight that it affects you normal activities of daily living (hygiene, ambulation, sleep, mental status) it is absolutely a problem. I see no issue in caring enough about a family member to seek help for them or encourage them to get help.
Unfortunately it seems it’s at the point that this is an addiction. Or they don’t actually see a problem themselves. You cannot help someone who doesn’t want help or doesn’t see a problem that is there. If they are not willing to accept help it’s in the OP’s best interest to pull back from the situation and let them live their live. It’s a hard situation but it’s like the old saying goes:
“You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink”
I pay people to mow my lawn… that’s not taking advantage of them.
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If you gave it all you had and they still won’t help themselves then it’s time to stop helping. Gonna be hard to see them struggling but maybe if EVERYONE stopped helping then they might hit rock bottom and have no choice but to do things for themselves. Might be the wake call they need. Just let them know that you do love them and support them but don’t do anything for them. Not a single thing.
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Stop pleading for help and offer to exercise with them! Even if it’s just lifting something simple off the floor. You have to realize that some of those who are obesed are also dealing with their own mental battles and aren’t ready for a therapist. Majority of the time the obesity isn’t something that just happens. Something negatively impacted their life that made them give up. (Normally it’s sexual assault or molestation) work WITH them (letting them have control) instead of calling the shots. Yes I know it may not seem like that but for them it may seem like that. And using words carefully instead of YOU should call, use, hey maybe we should call such and such and see what they have to offer. Words and demeanor matter.
I. Would. Not. Enable. Them
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As someone who is overweight to the point of being handicapped. It is not your responsibility… your family member needs to change her own life. If you need to step back and have your family step back do it. This person will either get help or pay someone else to come in and help.
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No more enabling and step back. Depression is a personal battle that you really can’t do much for. You have your own battles and sometimes we have to put ourselves first.
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My take on it is this, you’re basically enabling them like a drug addict. Stop doing things for them, if it upsets you that much, and they’ll be forced to reevaluate their situation. With that being said, addiction is addiction. Plain and simple. They’re not going to get help until they want to. Whether it’s drugs, alcohol, food, shopping, sex, etc. You can not force this person to lose weight. If it angers you so much then step away from the situation for a while.
Please- it may bean eating disorder and addiction— I struggle everyday… please - they are addicts vjust the same as any drug user. Just a different trigger… they eat when they are happy, sad, angry just about any emotion you can name. Food is tbheir solace… please don’t threaten with death , we’ ve already died several times. With remorse !! They need help not criticism!!
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In counseling we say you cant help someone who doesn’t want help.
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You are enabling them. I know it sounds cold and heartless but you have to let them do it on their own. Maybe you should talk to a therapist. You’re a good person to care and want to help, but I think you might be doing more harm than good. Good luck to all of you and God bless!
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This family member has to really depressed & if you weigh 500 pounds, that would feel hopeless to the person to lose. Can you try to boost her self esteem! She is in a dark place, & your comments hurt & push her into a even darker place. You have some mental issues too!!! Who asks about planning someone’s funeral!!! This person is eating to numb their feelings!! She needs help, but not judgement!!! If she started feeling better about herself, she would come near to thinking about her health. Offer to style her hair or do her nails. You have to be a friend first to ever get her to listen to you. Tell her you love her & mean it! Then talk to her about how hurt you & family would be if she passed. Find something to compliment on on!! Get her feeling good about herself & caring about herself!!! Let your kids help her. They probably add sunshine to her day!!!
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They have an eating addiction. They will only seek help when they have had enough of themselves. You can’t say or do anything to help them. They need to want to help themselves.
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Give your relatives unconditional love and accept them as they have chosen to be. Obesity is a addiction and the person has to strongly decide to help themselves and seek assistance.There is professional help and groups available to assist. I have watched this sadly in some family members for years and they encourage their children to join them in unhealthy lifestyle and overeating as well . I feel you should move on, let them make their own decisions and just accept and love them. Set boundaries on their requests for your assistance in their home, give them some phone numbers of local housekeepers and others that they can pay to assist them. ( this can motivate them to clean some on their own) Your responsibility is to care for your home and children and to just love your obese relative.
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Hoarding/binging usually stems from depression, which always has an underlying cause of personal needs for comfort, safety, and companionship not being met. They need someone who loves and accepts them for who they are. They need someone to hold their hand through the process of accepting themselves and wanting to do better for themselves. You are not that person. You have already proved that you dont have the patience to support them the way they need, and if you try to change your behavior towards them, it will only come across as a manipulation tactic. There is some kind of trauma within them that is preventing them from standing on their own two feet. It can even be as simple as the constant nagging and demeaning remarks from family. Or the overwhelming pressure that nothing they do is good enough because everyone continues to tell them they arent trying hard enough. Weight issues like this are not laziness and the fact that you used that word repeatedly suggest you dont truly understand and are not the right person to help.
The fact that you are angry that they arent meeting your needs/desires is a “you” issue. Spend more time getting to know them and their needs and desires, without turning it around to use as a weapon to force them to change. Spend some time figuring out why it upsets you so much that they dont change to meet your needs.
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I had an uncle that way. He didn’t start losing weight until he had a really bad health scare and almost died because of the extra strain on his heart. It took a near death experience for him
Have you watched my 600lb life? Maybe this person could consult with Dr. Nowzarden
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Dealing with people with who don’t want to help them selves… all YOU can do is walk away or else you’re enabling their bad habits/ behavior. Sometimes tough love is the best love. No point in hurting yourself because that person doesn’t care enough to get better.
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Stop helping. Make them see that you aren’t going to enable them by helping or letting your kids help. You can’t make someone change, they have to want to do it themselves.
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Sounds like clinical depression (letting things get out of hand with weight, boxes/stuff piling up, extensive online shopping). Have you considered just being there for the person without the “weight” judgment? Maybe it’s not so much they don’t want to but they feel they can’t or are afraid to fail. (They already feel they’ve failed and you keep rubbing it in so they turn to comforts, foods/shopping). Sounds more likely they have given up hope and feel alone.
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When you go to heaven God will give u a tight hug:heart: you have done your best go download “I can’t kill myself” and dance to it… you will die before her if you stress more than the owner of the problem. The kids are getting paid unless the wage is little. Ask for more. They have work experience in cleaning. Something for the CV 
Listen as someone that is fat I am fat! It’s hard to lose weight. You are winded, your back hurts, hard to walk long periods of time.
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It’s not your responsibility to help them. If you don’t help they will be forced to deal with their issue or pay for help but saying hurtful things, judging and playing victim is not going to help them change anything. If they are paying your children to clean that’s not taking advantage unless you are forcing the kids to help against their will. If y’all don’t want to help then don’t. But “helping” and being resentful is not helping you or them. Shoving all the judgement in there face and telling them to get help is not going to help either. They have to decide they need help to get help.
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You don’t need to say anything ever again to them . They know already that they are fat . It is their choice and you saying something only makes them resent you and
Want to eat more . If you feel like your family is being taken advantage of , just say y’all
Can no longer help . This person has the choice to make their own decisions . I know what I am
Talking about . They will either sink or swim . Leave it alone please .
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Sounds like they are dealing with depression which until you have it you won’t understand .
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Are you a doctor? Do you know they are overweight because you think they want to be? As someone who has been on every diet known to man, nothing works. Yes, I refuse the surgery. It is not a cure all. It doesn’t work for everyone. And many gain the weight right back. I also know I have a thyroid problem. Despite the meds it doesn’t seem to help make it better. Exercise? I have a treadmill, I use it. A former boss built a gym on the business, hired a personal trainer. 9 months of 5 day a week exercise. A diet that had nothing I wanted to eat on it. I lost 5 whole lbs. Everyone else in the company lost 30 or 40 or more. Not me. I rarely cheated. But it got me nothing. All that effort and I still am no smaller. So take your judgements and stick them where the sun don’t shine. You don’t want to help them, don’t. But stop making it all about you.
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If you feel stuck, just imagine how they feel
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I would have your family member checked out for mental health related illnesses. The act of chewing, actually produces chemicals in your brain that makes it happy. So sometimes if someone is suffering Feom depression they over eat as a coping mechanism!
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You sound very judgmental i say your aday late on helping be more worried about who will be there for you when you personal trIls in life start the happen to us all im 60 i had lung cancer in 2015 and back surgery in 2010 ive been disabled for a while now worked all my life meet many poeple and for the most loved to work but now im alone 90 present of the time.
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Start by telling the overweight No. be honest & say you can’t deal with their situation any more.
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Wow! Your lack of empathy is more concerning than anything to be honest. Your family member is obviously struggling with mental health issues and you getting mad at them only exacerbates the problem. You honestly don’t think they mentally beat themselves up everyday? If you can’t handle it, I suggest you walk away for now. Don’t make it harder on them by lecturing or getting angry for their mental health struggles.
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There is a underlying problem…depression, anxiety etc…
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Sounds like you’re an asshole.
You can’t force someone to change or get surgeries they don’t want, and you can’t force people to help. You can only control you. I’m sure she knows her obesity is a threat to her life.
I think a big part of your anger is you haven’t learned how to say no. You are the decider of how much help you give. If it’s too much, stop or lessen it. Point her to resources where she can help herself, and there are also in home caregivers and nursing homes that can probably be of help to her.
Stop taking and making someone else’s problems yours. It’s nice and a great thing to help, but you can’t let it consume you and run you ragged. You’ve done more than enough already. Maybe if her on call help stops she will do what she needs to do, maybe if you step down a bit your other family members will step up, it’s easy to put responsibility on someone who is always so willing to take it. Step back. I promise it doesn’t make you a bad person.
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Don’t help him/her out:woman_shrugging:t2: simple as that.
Cut the cord off
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Stop doing stuff for this person! You are only enabling ! They also know they are obese and telling them isn’t going to help. I had been thin all my life until I broke my pelvis a few years back and went from 125 lbs to 240, I knew I was overweight but being told I was only pissed me off, it didn’t make me want to lose the weight at all & All those fat comments hurt! I didn’t really want to be fat but My weight seemed to bother my family more than it did me and seemed to be the topic of conversation every time I saw them. I did not lose the weight til I moved away from them and didn’t hear the fat comments daily. I was comfortable in my skin at 240 and at 125. This person has to want it for their self! Stop answering the calls , make them do for themself, that’s the 1st step to helping them, STOP ENABLING THEM! No more beck and call, no more errands, those small steps will get them active& moving, burning calories. This person will get pissed at you for not helping them, but not helping them really is helping them! I have been both depressed and obese and my sweet hubby all buff looking like a body builder told me he loved every inch of me thick or not and would fetch me whatever I ask him for bc he’s such a good man, but he wasn’t helping me. He had to go out of town for work & I had to get off my ass and work thru the pain of my accident and do everything for myself and my kids that he had been doing. Slowly I got back to myself after he wasn’t there to help . I had to walk the dogs while he was away and I actually started loving walking so much that I joined a gym just bc I wanted an indoor walking track on rainy days, then I saw ppl doing cardio, lifting weights, Zumba, water aerobics, spin, and ended up getting addicted to working out! We added a home gym but I was working out at gym 3 hours per day as well as daily walks with dogs. Some of us with bipolar & depression disorders can’t do anything in moderation, plz don’t tell them they are fat or need to eat right or whatever, either walk away so they have to do for themself or take them to a pool or for a walk and try to get them up and moving!
If you talk like this to the person no wonder they ignore you why are YOU getting angery? Like shut up If you don’t want your kids getting paid to go clean the house don’t let them make them find someone else to do it your judgment is not needed or helpful
Stop being there for them. It’s a excuse being obese. If they need something done there going to have to do it. Stay away from them. They dont want to be helped. I took care of this woman who weighed 700 lbs. She wanted me to lift her I said no. Called emts and took 7 of them to get her out of her apartment. She got sent to a nursing home and ended up losing 300lbs and went back home. Her daughter was eating a huge jar of peanut butter when I was there and she was huge. Dont help them cause they need to help themselves
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I just had weight loss surgery & I would’ve expected to have everyone around me leave if I was like the family member you described. So my advice, walk away. This isn’t your battle & they clearly don’t care about themselves so don’t waste your time caring about their health either.
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Either help or don’t, but stop being judgmental and rude. You don’t think they know they’re fat? You don’t think they feel the crippling weight of the literal weight and the shame every second? Shame that you are more than happy to keep piling on. Do you have any idea how hard it must be for them to ask you for help knowing that it’s going to come with a heavy helping of commentary? Just stop. Your help isn’t helpful. It’s harmful. So either love them and make sure they know what a treasure they are as you help them freely and without judgment and strings, or walk away completely because they don’t need what you’ve offered so far.
There’s a whole lot of “I,I,I, me, me, me in here. It’s not about you.
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Taking care of them is not your responsibility. It IS OK TO SAY NO MORE.
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Continuously cleaning their house and running errands is enabling them. Tell them your family is cutting ties till there is improvement and them follow through. You can’t keep stressing yourself over something you have no control over but you can stop enabling them
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It’s comparable to preaching to trumpers. It falls on deaf ears. Just stop it already. Hug them and zip lip.
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How about you just stop helping AND stop nagging and judging?
You don’t think they already know they are fat?
That they’re unhealthy?
That they’re lazy?
That they’ll probably die soon?
Trust me THEY KNOW
You, your kids, and the rest of your family may be helping physically but I guarantee you are KILLING this family member emotionally and mentally
So just STOP 
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With what your saying sounds like maybe they have a food addiction, and like any other addict you have to let them hit bottom and say your done enabling them. Let them figure out if they are refusing all your help that you’ve offered. Just my opinion
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Step back and shut up. They know they are overweight and unhealthy - it is up to them to lose weight. If they ask for help cleaning, etc. tell them you are too busy right now, you can help once in awhile but not all the time.
It’s not being lazy it’s depression. If your kids don’t want to work for money then let them quit. You’re making this all about you, if it bothers you so much then set clear boundaries and leave them alone you are making things worse.
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Cut them off. They don’t want the help. They are most likely depressed. They need help and it’s not on you to provide it. My husband and I both have lost quite a bit of weight. He was also a live in home health aide for a similar person. She felt that bc she was paying and was elderly, she held all the cards. She recently passed away and the family was left with her bills and cleaning and selling her house. I may sound uncaring, but people will only do either what they are forced to do, or what they choose if given freedom.
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Yikes, you need help. It’s not your life. Back off psycho.
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You need to see a therapist.
Leave this person alone.
You are not helping them with your offers.
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You sound like a judgmental cunt! If YOU have a problem with THEIR weight then stop going around them. You can’t just force your thought and opinions on someone just because you don’t like the way they look. Maybe this family member has legitimate health issues that you don’t know anything about because you’re too judgmental
I’d suggest, if you can, have your family give them person warning, and leave town, go on a vacation. Somewhere without phone service like the mountains. You’ll need time before and after to pack/plan. Not sure your children’s ages, but after school activities that take up weekend time. So, “sorry, we can’t come over Johnny is off to the science club, he’s now prepping for the science fair.” So, let the person know you will have other plans, so they aren’t dropped short notice, and start living life. Reduce visits, and now that it’s not your job to fix the hell hole that will happen. – As a disabled vet, no to few agencies are there to help with the house, but I can get someone to come wash my arse. Hope you can get other family to take turns and check in on this person. I wish you a lot of luck, and hope you don’t feel a lot of guilt.
If they dont have a medical condition thats makes them gain weight, they are just plain lazy. Give them some tough love. Help them when they help themselves. You are not helping them by supporting bad habits. You can help them by making them be responsible for their own wellbeing and eating healthier. Be polite, but be upfront about your concern for them.
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Ugh, honestly it’s family members like you, that make it worse. 
I’m morbidly obese, have been for years actually, and it is family members that “care” that tell people to lose weight, that are extremely vocal about the weight that makes the depression an the mental health portion harder to deal with, and honestly, just cuz someone is morbidly obese doesn’t mean they are lazy, I walk my dogs, I do what others do, I go swimming, I’m working on losing my weight, but I had to be the one to make the choice, I had to be the one to realize that I wanted to do it. Being pushed an nagged and talked At like doesn’t help the person and makes you seem like the jerk. And people need help for all different kinds of reasons, and as for your kids let then make the choice if they wanna make money or not. It’s their choice not yours. You wanna be “concered” and be like you’re being that’s on you an you can cut the person off but don’t involve anyone else in your feelings. Get over yourself an realize that the world is full of different people, different sizes, different mentalities, and different ways of living.
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I think you are probably feeling scared because you love this person very much and don’t want them to die or live the life they’re living either. You have to remember that nobody works on your time though, this person is on their own journey and no matter how hard it is, you have to let go of the control reigns and hand back the responsibilities of their life back to then. Often times excessive overeating is probably a coping mechanism for some type of trauma they are struggling with (that maybe you don’t even know about) and their brain becomes wired like someone who is doing drugs and food becomes their “drug of choice” when someone is in that situation they will do or say ANYTHING to avoid confronting the bigger issue but inevitably it is THEM that needs to make the choice to make a change. My best advice is to maybe sit down with this person and all their loved ones (similar to an intervention) and tell them how much you love them and how painful it has been to watch them slowly killing them selves (you can even write letters and read them) and then let them know the following ways that each of you is going to stop enabling them. Let them know if they don’t accept help that your kids and your may not be able to be a part of their lives because it’s just too painful to be a part of. Everyone has to stick to their bottom line and be firm. Find some help for them and offer it when you’re all there together. Make sure this person knows you all love them first and foremost! This is a hard situation, best of luck!!
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Just leave them alone. Let them die.
If no one helps, they’ll have to do it themselves, if they don’t do it themselves, they’ll have to lie in the bed they made…
Sounds sad and mean but at some point, they need to take responsibility for themselves and stop being catered to and enabled.
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Live and let Live …back away and put all that time and effort in your life and Live your Best life .
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As someone who has dealt with this my whole life-there comes a time where you have to tell them you are done. I have dealt with this with 2 family members. One went and got help and is doing much better. The other is continuing their behavior.
What I can tell you is this. A person’s perception has a lot to play in here as well. You nagging and telling them about the problem may be making it worse. They could be continuing because it is some kind of attention. Adults will do attention seeking behaviors as well. Pull the plug. Tell them you love them, but you will no longer enable them and they need to make other arrangements and figure it out.
I know it can feel like a burden having to care for family members who have let their weight consume them. It can take a toll on you. But please, keep in mind that they are human too and they already know there is a problem.
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Their weight is not your business. If the kids feel they’re doing more than they’re being paid for they can ask for more or politely decline.
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Some of these comments in here is exactly why disabled overweight people like myself feel like a burden and worthless all the time especially when we have to ask for help.
Guess what I gained weight when I became disabled from brain surgery. I also developed PCOS after brain surgery because of the hormone change. I can’t do a lot of walking or exercising because of my disabilities. I have a young child to take care of as well so SSI isn’t always cover super healthy food. I am also stressed out all the time because my child is autistic and I’m trying to learn how to deal with that on top of being disabled. I am depressed because I am 32 years old and I live with my parents and I can’t drive or anything like that so I feel like I’m stuck at 16 when I had the brain surgery. Guess what I would love to be able to work and drive and lose weight and being normal person you don’t have to tell me that.
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