All I’m going to say is stop helping. Someone is not going to lose weight until they are ready for it. I understand their family and you want to help them but you getting angry is not going to help the situation. Honestly depending on the person they could either not care or they understand that they’re in this situation and they don’t know how to get out of it. Someone who weighs that much needs help losing it. Whether that be starting with a therapist to find out why they are eating like they are and not preventing this or maybe they need a trainer. I’m not trying to be mean or sound like I know exactly what I’m talking about but they’re not going to do anything until they are ready. Getting angry at them is not going to help the situation so it might be best for you to back away.
If it is an eating disorder, An eating addiction is just like any other addiction.
Use the same steps.
You cant make someone want to do better for themselves. Their health and wellbeing is their responsibility and you have to leave that up to them.
People seem to think fat people don’t know they’re fat, and just telling them to lose weight is going to help instead of making it worse. They KNOW they’re fat, and it stems from trauma and emotional problems. The overeating is just a side effect. I’m sure she avoids going out or being with people because she gets stared at, judged and berated when she does, and who willingly wants to be bullied? And now you come INTO her house to bully her more. Sheesh. It’s like telling Black people they are black and they should try to be more White. That’s just as atrocious.
Stop shaming her. Get her some psychiatric care. Does she have medical insurance? I don’t know how old she is, but it will be a very long and difficult journey for her, and she will likely relapse into depression and despair many times. Focus on how much you love her and find examples of when she was strong and triumphant in her life and shut up about anything else.
She does nothing around the house because at that weight I’m sure everything hurts. The strain on her joints, the fat gets in the way, and at this size she probably feels hopeless and that nothing she does is going to make much of a difference anyway. Even if she loses 200 lbs (an incredible feat) people are still going to fat shame her, and even at 300 lbs. everything is still going to hurt.
Just leave her alone except to build her self esteem, encourage her on her mental health journey, and just be her non-judgmental friend. Instead you’re just being one more person berating her and adding stress to her life, making her more despairing and frankly, ready to die to escape all you self-righteous people. Buy her pretty and sexy plus size clothes. (Woman Within/Roamans or Torrid are good places to start).
If you or your kids don’t want to help around her house then don’t. I’m sure it’s painful and difficult to stand, reach, etc. At least she still cares about what her house looks like and hasn’t despaired and given up on that.
Think of being pregnant and trying to tie/fasten your shoes, put on a pair of tights, get comfortable in bed, run fast. Now multiply that discomfort and disability three or four times while being laughed at and you have just an inkling of how she feels.
Or picture something that is hard for you to do: paint a masterpiece, do complex math, understand the tax code, lift 250 lbs, ignore a terrible boss or bully, stop a migraine by willing it, run a mile in two minutes. Now imagine being badgered to do just that continually for most of your life.
Just stop. If you have a bad habit, phobia or anxiety, or even when you’re angry or sad, does yelling at you and telling you to just stop or calm down work? No, I didn’t think so. You owe her an apology instead. Ask her how she would like you to support her outside of house cleaning for pay. And just love her. She probably feels your love is conditional on her losing weight.
Maybe reminisce about happy times before whatever triggered her trauma/depression happened. Even if she was referred to as “the fat one” growing up, that’s enough to make it a self-fulfilling prophecy. Think of another, positive way to refer to her: the creative one, the one with the beautiful hair, the one with the great laugh, the one with the musical voice, the one who is an avid bird watcher, the one who knows all about dinosaurs or whatever. Focus on everything BUT the fat and the food and do fun stuff with her she CAN do: work puzzles, play board and card games, read books together and then talk about them, take an online intellectual course for fun, enjoy a fun movie or TV show together. Bonus if it has a positive role for a fat person like Melissa McCarthy in Spy, not a depressing one like Gabourey Sidibe in Precious.
Take her to see something in the car (drive through gardens, Christmas lights, pretty views like Skyline Drive or Pacific Coast Highway. Give her a reason to enjoy life and want to keep living. No saying things like “If you weighed less we could go to the amusement park/take a walking tour”; that just basically tells her she’s a failure. Could you take her to a swimming pool when there are few people around? Put her in a wheelchair to visit a museum or other handicap-friendly attraction?
Do NOT gift her with anything related to exercise or diet unless she specifically asks for it, and if she does, just say OK, don’t effuse about how wonderful it is she will be doing what you want her to do. The more you push, the more likely it is to sit in the closet.
Leave the diet and exercise to her doctors, therapists and physical therapists.
Think of ways she can be useful or help others: writing letters or making phone calls for a cause or candidate or issue about which or whom she feels strongly, helping with your kids’ homework, tutoring kids online or in person at her house. Could she be a “Big Sister” if she can’t leave the house? Could you or the kids help her with a support animal or pet until she can figure out how she can manage on her own?
Good luck. See how easy it is for you to stop talking about her fat, her health, her eating, her choices and focusing on what’s wrong with her. I bet you have trouble changing your ways too.
I’ll send prayers to the universe for both of you.
You’re going to have to separate yourself from this situation. It clearly bothers you but it’s really being codependent if you can’t stop obsessing about someone else’s life.
Coming from a morbidly person and who is married to someone who is heavier than me….YOU cant say or do anything to change them or make them want to change. They have to come to the point that they want it. You voicing your opinion would only make me want to stay away from you. I know you may mean it in love. I have spent many nights awake wondering if my husband would wake up the next day because his health (due to his weight) is so bad. He got laid off in Mar 2020 and that just escalated the problem.
Now, with all that said….recently I asked my husband if he would start exercising with me. We hired a personal trainer. He has been faithful and has seen her 2-3/week since May 1st. and he’s making improvement. My advice …. Be gentle, don’t put them down and offer to walk with them. (They may be only able to walk to the mailbox) Or offer to help. But until this person is ready…they won’t make any changes.
It is their business when she has to take care of people who cant do basic human stuff to survive. Idk how the dynamic (if both parties are blunt or sugar coat stuff) is so i cant say much though.
How about you leave them alone and take care of your own problem. Their weight has nothing to do with you. They clearly don’t want your opinion so just stop.
People that are heavy or obese are not always lazy. Some medical illnesses or medications can cause obesity.
If your child was to get a job. They would get paid. Which is…I feel…the same. Family members or not. They are getting paid. I’m getting the feeling that because it’s not going as you expect. You’re over it.
You can always have you stop working for them. Which is totally your decision. Just know that what your kids do for them. Helps them out. I would seriously think about this. It’s not all about you.
Only advice is that person has to want the help period other then that stop doing for this person
Honestly as long as you enable them it will never change you need to tell them that you will no longer help them. No one changes without losing everything for their addiction it’s the same with any addiction people don’t Chan he until they are arrested, lose their kids. Family, enablers, jobs, etc
The House Of Bullies well this amazing lady is enough to motivate & brighten up anyone’s day more importantly she’s been discussing the process & benefits of intermittent fasting… give her a listen x
Stop helping and dont allow ur kids to either. Done deal.
Also, if she’s stressing you out and making you angry, it’s time to take a break from her. Just tell her you need your space to take care of yourself and your kids right now. Block her number if you have to, don’t visit or contact her. If she’s in real trouble, she can call 911.
Take a mini vacation and spa days to regain your calm and enjoy your kids. Then decide what you are and are not willing to do (you have NO obligations), and stick to it, whether that’s no contact, once a month visits with no helping out, or whatever YOU and/or your kids are comfortable doing. Hold the line and be firm with boundaries. Whenever you start stressing, or she starts making demands you’re unwilling to do, it’s time to leave.
Talk to a therapist about how difficult it is to see someone you love slowly kill themself. It’s something you may have to learn to accept. I’m so sorry. See if there’s a support group for people in your position. It helps to know you’re not alone.
Sorry if I was overly harsh in my previous comment. I understand your anger stems from not wanting her to die, but all she hears is the anger. Ultimately you are in charge of making yourself happy, so focus on that and do what makes you happy. 
My mom is homeless. Before she became homeless she chose not to work (would get job after job and be lucky to make it the first day). There nothing wrong with her. NOTHING. Oh, but when she needs something she calls me. I literally do not hear from her unless she needs something (typically money). I have 4 other siblings that wont respond to her anymore. She refuses to help herself. Down right refuses. It comes to a point they made their bed they have to lay in it. “Helping” is basically enabling. Not exactly the same, but the same.
Mind your business, it’s good for your health.
You have tow options here. Give up. Stop helping. Don’t let your kids do the work anymore… they’ll have to figure something out or lose the weight themselves. Your other options is to start a LOT smaller. As a trade off, ask them to go to the park with you and your kids. Small walks. Have them take you all out to lunch instead of a pay day for cleaning, but make them chose a place that’s healthy. Understand it’s okay to say no. Tell them that if they want you to continue helping they have to meet you half way.
Mind your own body, not everyone else’s.
You need to mind your own business. You could probably be making things worse on the person. Also if your kids are getting paid they are not being taken advantage of. It sounds like you need to step away.
So whats the difference between an overly weight person paying for help and a rich person paying for help? Not a dam thing. Im not disabled but if I could afford to I would pay to have someone come clean my house too. I cant so I do it myself. Point here is you need to just stop. Ot isn’t helping. No there is Nothing YOU can do. It is up to them to fix themselves. You don’t want your kids helping them anymore then that is your total decision. Im sure they can find someone else to help them. Get off their back and mind your business.
Mind ur business and let them do them. U can not stop someone from eating or tell someone to lose weight!!!
I know your concern for their sake, but you just need to love them the way they are. We ALL have weaknesses! We ALL want to be loved for who we are! You don’t have to help anyone that you don’t want to, but just be kind!
Walk away for awhile… sometimes ppl have to be left to their own destructive behavior, with out someone to call to swoop in and help. Before they realize they have to change
You can’t make someone feel bad into losing weight. If it bothers you so damn much stop answering the phone. Have your kids complained about getting paid to clean?? Do they not want to do it? Make sure to tell them that you are judge-mental af and that’s the reason why they can’t make money anymore if that’s something they wanted to do. It’s literally NOT HURTING YOU that they are fat. How in the hell can someone take advantage when they are paying for a service to be done:joy:
just let it go, and if you can’t get over yourself and your judgement then tell your kids they aren’t allowed to clean anymore, because it’s what YOU WANT.
Honestly stop jumping and running. Yes your trying to help them in every way you can, which is great but you are also enabling them to continue the laziness when you continue to do everything for them… stop doing everything for them
You can have a meeting with the fellow family members who currently provide help and y’all come to an agreement to discontinue your services to them. Allow them to fend for themselves for a while. Sometimes the best thing we can do is simple allow them to self destruct in their own way. There is a difference in being kind and being a door mat for unhealthy choices. You do not have to subject yourself to any type of abusive behaviors.
I mean if that’s how they want to live just let them. At the end of the day, they are the one suffering, not you.
Sounds like they may be struggling with mental health too. Walk away - you can’t keep wasting your life trying to help someone who won’t help themself.
This is not your business. 🤷
Obesity is an addiction…they will have to want the help…and the Surgey is not a miracle cure…after surgery they will have to make lifelong diet adjustments…
First let me say- thank you for loving them. However an addict is an addict and you can force someone to change when they don’t want the help. I was married to an addict for years and became an enabler out of love that grew into bitterness and distain. I also am a big girl and fight the battle of food, emotions, self loathing and frustration. Some give up and others keep trying. I would recommend speaking with your kids, confirm is they would like to keep helping. If not, then kindly tell your loved one. “We love you but we have decided that we can’t keep enabling you.” Don’t allow your love to become more bitter
Give them the option either they try and help themselves…or you are done …if you are supplying them with food you would be classified as an enabler…They really need to watch My 600 lb.Life…Dr. now is amazing…and I have actually learned alot
I think you should mind your own business and quit being so fucking insensitive. They are paying someone to clean their home, and it’s lazy. But if a skinny person did the same, they are far from lazy. How does that even make sense? You’re contributing to a lot of depression this person is obviously suffering through. Take care of your own. If you don’t want your kids to help, simply tell them that and I’m sure they can find someone who can help them and also won’t put them down. Every person who is obese is well aware. They don’t need you constantly dogging them, and breathing down their neck. At least this person is trying to keep a clean home, that in general is hard when you suffer with depression and being over weight. You’re doing a lot of harm, and nothing good for this person by trying to force them into things YOU want them to do. So once again, MIND 
YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
Put your self in their shoes… I weighed over 400 lbs and people thought I was just lazy but to be honest my body hurt so bad to move. I got real sick and had to be in the hospital and it was embarrassing seeing my weight and having to have people whip my butt while in there. It woke me up and on my own have lost over 80pds. Try to be more encouraging and less judgmental. You try doing your daily activities with your husband on your back and then maybe you will realize what obese people go through. The world sees a fat lazy person but it’s so much more than that. I was fortunate to have a family who loved me regardless and support me in my journey. Loosing weight is very hard
You can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink. Honestly thier life, thier choice.
Maybe an ultimatum? Either they get professional help or you’re gonna stop helping. Also by helping them sooo much like that you’re enabling their problem.
Stop helping. It’s harsh, but this person is getting exactly what they need from you to maintain this downward spiral.
You can’t help someone who won’t help themselves….
Start setting boundaries when it comes to you and your children helping them… things like ok they will help clean but you have to get up and help as well… trying to get them more active is key… then if they refuse to help as bad as it will suck tell them that you and your children will no longer help them….
Everyone saying mind your business… this person is making it her business by depending on her and her children….
No offense, but not your life not you body not you choice. Your constant nagging and insults are more than likely having the opposite effect you want them to. Back off.
They have to want change before you can do anything unfortunately … you can only voice your opinion to the point where you know that they’ve heard it and then you have to let them decide what to do with their life if it bothers you to the point where you can’t look at it then you might have to distance yourself and your children from that situation but unfortunately ultimately it’s up to her to want to change before the change will happen
Just keep FAT shaming this person I’m sure its a big help !! I myself am obese, many things contribute to this , depression , food addiction , not to mention my insulation as I use it to ward of men who have used or abused me ! Your fat shaming only drives this person ! Food taste good its comforting ! You should be ashamed of yourself !!!
Mind your own business. If you don’t want to help them, if you don’t want your kids to “be taken advantage of”, even though they are being paid🤔… then stop and don’t help. Your choices, your consequences, their choices, their consequences.
Do you honestly think they don’t know that they are obese? Do you think that they don’t know that will lead to an early death? You really have two choices: love them and help them, or love them and step away. What you cannot do is force them to lose weight. Just accept them as they are. If they come to you for help, give it with no strings or don’t give it at all.
I mean they aren’t interested in themselves why should you be? I know it’s harsh but it’s true.
For those saying “Mind your own business” is that what you would do? If this were your Mom, Dad, Sister or brother? Maybe your own child? Would you walk away and watch them die? How? How do you separate yourself from a loved one in that manner? I’m just curious how you “mind your own business” and if you really would. I personally couldn’t do that.
U can’t help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves
Go to get help for yourself!
Well the truth is a person is not gonna lose weight until they are ready to. I myself need to lose 50 pounds and people can tell me all day and night how I would be much healthier and everything but until I’m ready to do it it doesn’t matter what other people think. I do have depression anxiety and I lost my brother two years ago which didn’t help. I also have a food addiction and I use that to cope with my emotional issues. If you don’t wanna help them anymore then don’t.
Umm you are escalating the problem with them. Step back, get off your high horse and put yourself in their shoes. I can imagine them hating to need you for anything with your fat shaming. That’s all I can say nicely
Op get in
{__/}
( • . •)
/ >🗑
OP, if getting dragged is your kink just say so
OP should work under their car with Harbor Freight jack stands
OP is hereby named, “La Croix” because they are utterly tasteless and gross
OP is about to get dragged harder than a small child in a gorilla enclosure
STOP MAKING THIS ABOUT YOU AND HOW YOU FEEL… JUST THINK HOW THEY FEEL AND THE Last thing a person struggling already that bad needs is someone like you berating them and telling them what they need to do. You are making the situation 10 times worse. Back off and supports them.
U can’t fix them if they don’t want to fix themselves
Honestly they could be depressed. I know people that have had a bad life (even were touched as kids ect. And it has messed with their heads badly) and sends them into a bad depression. I have heard overweight people that have been touched when they were younger that they wanted to be heavier so people wouldn’t be attracted to them and leave them alone. Which is sad if you think about it. If a person doesn’t wanna be helped you can not force them.
You’re trash 
They don’t need all that fat shaming, anger, and bullying in their life, gtfo let someone that cares and encourages them help them! Take your anger and bullying somewhere else
You can’t help someone that doesn’t want the help. Same with addicts.
Stop being an enabler. Give them 2 weeks to find different “help”. Then back out.
You cant talk someone into improving themselves. As someone who was 240 lbs and lost 90 lbs i can tell you there is a root cause but for me I wouldn’t do it until i was ready and my mental health was good. I actually went to a therapist for depression and once she helped work through that I cared enough to change my weight. My weight was never even a discussion at my therapist. She fixed my depression and I had enough self esteem to fix the rest. I would recommend you not enable them. In the words of Dr Now at that wt they cant do it themselves and need someone to enable them. Dont cut them off from your love and support just from enabling their lifestyle.
There’s no point in berating her, I get wanting to help her get better but making this about you isn’t how you’re gonna do it. Don’t have your kids clean up her stuff anymore. Maybe then she’ll realize she seriously needs to change since she can’t even tidy the house up.
You’re the one who needs help. Judgmental as fuck.
You will have to have them figure it and want to do it for themselves. Sounds sad and selfish but it is not. This will be the only way they will want to change. I left my bf who was a drug addictand I also tried everything and was there because I loved him and felt guilty leaving him. It wasn’t until I left that he got help and this was after a long year trying to get him to stop. You are not selfish. This isn’t your problem or fault. You are human and this stress will do more damage to you than you think. Kindly tell them that you will not be helping her/him as much as your children and you yourself need to do things. Let them know that you accept them for who they are but it doesn’t mean you will stand and wait here until something happens. That you love them and know that they are capable of overcoming this. That you will now back off, go back to your life and let them figure it out and do things their way.
OP, not even Nationwide is on your side.
Send they ass to Dr. Nowzaradan and get to be on tv‼️
Who makes and buys food for this person? Maybe start by assisting in changing diet for them, having them eat healthier? Maybe even the keto diet stuff everyone talks about?? I’m assuming someone is buying the food for this person because it says they are to big to shop.
I have had two very close people to me weight that much or more…one passed at 38 because of health problems (actually not weight related) the other had the surgery where they did bands on stomach I think? She had to loose some weight on her own before surgery and had to follow a diet after…she’s lost a ton of weight but has A LOT of extra skin she doesn’t like and it’s been really hard for her to find someone to take it off for her.
Start slow be honest about why you are worrying about it with them and offer smaller steps to help
Why are people so angry about this post? Being 500 lbs or obese in general is a major health issue. They most definitely will not live long and this person clearly wants to help save their life.
For one, you can’t make a person change who does not want to. You can’t force them. Also, you don’t need to feel bad because of the choices they make. I think you and your children should just be honest. Honesty with kindness. If I were you, I would explain how I feel and I would stop helping them. Maybe by you not helping, they will eventually do something to help themselves.
Couple of years ago I had something devastating happen and at the time I weighed 270 after this happened I totally quit eating all together except for a little bit here and there when I went to town I got down to 224 and it wasn’t very much couldn’t even a whole hamburger anymore when I tried to eat so I go on that way for a while I don’t clean my house just depressed and then one day I started getting something to eat again I get more and more and more on and on because of the depression I lost the weight because of the depression and I gained it back because of the depression the only problem is when I gain it back I gained up to 329 last time I checked I would buy ice cream and eat it all in one day like 3 gallons of ice cream and I couldn’t stop myself still ain’t been able to stop myself I don’t eat the ice cream and all that no more though I got tired of it it is very hard to lose weight I kept not cleaning my house for over a year and one day I decided I was going to clean it my daughter kept saying she’d help me my daughter and I said she’d help me when I come down to it neither one of them wanted to help so I started doing it myself I did my room then I did my bathroom the hallway the kitchen and by the time I got through with that part took several days I could not stand and walk my knees were hurting so bad and it lasted for a long time like a year lasting but when I got through cleaning I had 18 bags of trash that’s how bad my house was since then I’ve been keeping it cleaner and I’ll pay my daughter-in-law to come clean it whenever it needs done real good what’s all I need her to do is my bathroom sweeps mop the hallway the kitchen that’s very few dishes the living room sweep and mop and that’s it every once in awhile I’ll get her to do that it is so hard to lose weight and keep it off my son keeps telling me he’s in prison he keeps telling me to get up and walk go outside don’t stay in the house too hot to stay outside and mosquitoes button so if you tell somebody that and they don’t do it it don’t mean that they don’t want to do it it could mean that they can’t do it I only have an air conditioner in my bedroom my TV so I stay in my room cuz it’s cool except for when I go cook to eat and stuff and that’s usually like after 8:00 or 9:00 at night I don’t even try to lose weight now because it’s never going to work everything I’ve tried except for quit eating has not worked you just got to hang in there and do what you can but my opinion do not do it all at one time good luck to them just don’t be putting them down and act like you’re higher up than they are and if they don’t do it after you tell them don’t bug them again because believe me we know we’re overweight we know we need to lose weight for our health it’s just hard to get the momentum to do things about it
I would nicely suggest that YOU get therapy. 
At that weight they need professional help with getting the initial pounds off. For real they need the right help.
Stop doing things for them. Period. They will eventually have to do housework themselves. I really can’t give other advice, but it could be depression/other disorder. They have to want to change. You can’t change them.
I wasn’t quite sure up until the very end but this is a woman acting this way…I can tell by the “scary” part more so than the defensive 
Sounds like a close sister or mother.
I’m Truly sorry. I too was thinking depression but if they won’t receive help:weary: what CAN a person really do? Sit there snd watch??
Every excuse. And they’re not scared to die, which is a blessing but it’s sad they won’t do better for the ones that live them. And see how much their absence will hurt in the end:heart:
My husband was 520lbs … he tried every diet there was including pills the doctor gave him … no depression/ no child problems he just liked food … my son and his wife were doing the keto diet I told my husband ( after making him some keto snacks for him to try) he should try it for awhile and see how it goes … he did and now almost a year later he is down 100lbs … he was shocked and so were the doctors when he went back for a check up that he had lost 25lbs with in 2 weeks of starting yes he has saggy skin but you can have surgery now to have it removed and he knows this … you have to start small once they see the problem then they might feel better … if you don’t have it down load tic toc type in keto you will find all kinds of ways to help … maybe go over and cook a few meals for this person and show them they can have healthier food that are better for them and not lose any flavors
Are they on disability she can get help for people to come in and clean house 
and she can get a case manager who can run and do Aronss
This is a codependent relationship. Read Codependent No More by Melody Beatty, it will give you some good perspective.
Learn how to set up healthy boundaries for yourself, it will help you to better help them.
Hi l feel your pain. I think you know what you are going to have too do and that is withdraw from their life to save your own sanity. I am.in the same boat and no l haven’t managed to do it yet… I resent my family member so badly, for refusing professional services, for refusing to consider a nursing home, for refusing to try and have a better quality of life, and for making me feel guilty for living my own. I love them dearly but lm so over it… I see all these adds for elder abuse on tv and l just want to rant and rave, what about abuse of grown adult children, of adult carers, of young family members who are carers, the list goes on. It happens. Goodluck to you, you arent a bad person, if anyone thinks that they havent walked in your shoes…x
Literally don’t help. They’ll soon realise that they can’t look after themselves at the weight they are and they’ll seek help themselves
Why are you so worried about someone else’s life? If she wants to be that big, let her. If it isn’t hurting you, keep your mouth shut.
It sounds like a food addiction 
just like drugs. You can’t help her until she agrees to do therapy & drs or you’re only helping her die
just don’t let your kids go over there.
But you can’t help someone who doesn’t want help.
You’re stressing yourself out over something you have absolutely no control over, which automatically should make it irrelevant to your life.
Google Optivia. They have food and coaches.
I have no thyroid, had seven kids and I am insulin resistant. I have tried to lose weight for years. I don’t eat a bunch of junk, or fried foods. I am careful with everything I eat. But yet I am over weight. Not everyone can lose weight like that. Some struggle. We get looked at like we are nasty people who must eat so much.
For a lot of people food is as big of a problem as drugs are for some people. And for many others losing weight is nearly impossible due to genetic or other underlying issues. It doesn’t sound like you have handled it very well. To say someone is becoming a burden is cruel, what if they had cancer ? Would you feel the same way? Just because you assume they can control their weight or could lose the weight doesn’t mean that’s the case. And of course they are going to be defensive, they have probably spent most of their life being misunderstood and being treated badly by people in general because being overweight is the one thing most of society agrees on is ok to belittle someone over and it’s bullshit. If you don’t want to help them than help them to go through family services and get a home health aid a couple of hours a day that will do the things you do. Their insurance should cover the cost with a doctors request.
There are a many reasons why this person CAN’T lose weight . Mental health concerns, health reasons. Calling them lazy, and preaching to them isn’t the answer. Has it helped in the past?
They have everyone harping on them as is. You say you try hard to understand?! But your words don’t match that. Find out the why , sit and talk and stop blaming and expressing why YOU feel them need help.
They don’t want to be this way …
I’ll add I have pcos + insulin resistant… and for me Losing weight is a constant struggle. Eating right , exercising and doing my very best , is never enough.
Be kind you don’t know what they are truly going through.
Sounds like mental illness. Instead of hounding their weight and calling them lazy, offer to call a psychologist…or maybe just talk with them
Work out what you can and can’t do and stick to it.
I weighed 500 pounds. I had weight lots surgery. I was waiting to die. It was the best decision I ever made for myself. I’m 43. I have sagging skin… I dress to disguise it. And I think I look pretty damn good… I’m on the right in my pic. 
But at the end of the day… It’s none of your business and they’ll only resent you for it.
I have been overweight my whole life I’m more in control of my weight but it is a Constant struggle.And if somebody really doesn’t want to lose weight you can’t make them.
Sorry, hon. Stop doing anything for them. They we figure it out. It’s hard watching someone kill themselves but there is nothing you can do unless they want to change. I know you’re scared for them. Perhaps they will be accepting of help when they have a stroke or heart attack. In the meantime, get yourself some counseling to help you cope with this difficult situation. Good luck
Are they on medication that has caused the weight gain? Or a thyroid issue? They sound like they have depressed. And your wording of them being “lazy”, do you know the energy it takes for a person of that size to just lift a leg or get up and go to the bathroom? And you feel like your kids are being taken advantage of because they are paid to do a job? Like WTF! YOU need to speak to a counselor so you can understand, because you just sound angry and super unhelpful.
Your words don’t match your actions AT ALL. if this person had an autoimmune disease and exhausted most treatment options would you act the same? No. Because for some reason people love to be disgusted by FAT
Stop enabling them. Simple as that. If they can’t even clean, they sure as hell can’t buy food. So someone is enabling them.
You have absolutely 0 control over someone else’s life unless you can have them declared incompetent. All you can do is step back and let them fall. People are only motivated to change when they hit bottom.
You can’t change someone They need to do it. You can control if and when you go there. Choose what will make you and family happy. If kids want to continue to help, let them. Their choice too
Do u really think what you’re doing is healthy and that ur helping? You literally asked them how they want their funeral to look. They might be lazy. But you’re rude and have a disgusting attitude. Keep it up and hopefully the person sees how toxic you are and u won’t have to deal with them anymore. That’ll be some weight off.
Cut them out of your life if it’s that much of an issue for you to live and let live. Let your kids get paid to do their house work it will help the kids with work ethic but literally stop trying to help them bc you cant. It’s obvious they don’t care enough about themselves to improve. Stop adding extra stress to yourself by worrying
You just completely remove yourself and your family for your own mental health and let them be!!! Boundaries for your own good
Sometimes you just gotta let ppl help themselves.
It is time for you to back off and let your family member life with the results of their addiction,don’t enable them.