My son and I were shopping for groceries. We were in the cereal aisle. My son asked if we could purchase cereal for his dad’s house too. I asked him if his dad has cereal or breakfast things. My son told me that his father normally just sleeps. That my son makes his own breakfast. He also makes his bed. While his dad is sleeping, he plays video games. This breaks my heart to hear this! I’m a bit frustrated because I recently found that once his father picks him up on Friday. He returns to work with our son. He doesn’t get off work until 10 PM at night. Our son has been up since 7 AM for kindergarten. In the last two visits, our son came home with hand, foot mouth disease, and the norovirus flu. I’m concerned about the upcoming Christmas holiday when he has a week with our son. I don’t know if he plans to work or take vacation time off.
Time to go back to court! That’s scary.
If he isn’t harming his son, let him be. He is doing his best. It may not be your version of parenting. But he has to work or you don’t get your payment. So let him love his son the best way he can. It’s better for your kid. Maybe adjust your visitation schedule to his off days instead.
Ask him via text or email and get everything in WRITING.
Sounds like neglect, but I dont have all the details.
Hopefully for your sons sake, you go back to court
You need to talk to him. Tell him that if his plan is to continue to work then you will have him. No way a child should have to sit during work hours and wait. And if not then maybe he should plan some fun activities to do.
So I kinda have the same.boat however my.sons father lives with his parents. So my son says hes always with nanny or poppy. And daddy just leaves and goes to work. We dont have an agreement cause they help me every time I need it. And I dont make him pay child support through the courts because he hands me more in person than I’d get on paper. However my sons also 5 and I see his heart breaking more and more. I wish I had some advice but your son will see his true colors. If your worried about safety I’d go to court
Not everybody can just take vacation time and I’m sure you don’t have your son every second of every day, he attends school and probably daycare. It’s not a whole lot different. He shouldn’t be sleeping in the mornings though, that’s not cool. Definitely not neglect or abuse for a school aged kid to get up and make their bed or watch tv/video games for an hour or two though. I’ve taken my step daughter to class with me and she’s gone to work with her dad before. Part of being a parent is figuring things out and it sounds like he’s done just that during his time.
I would just have a little chat with dad and without the child,and get his side
You don’t have control over the home. He needs to work to provide. No one can control that. The sad part is that the child isn’t being cared for and if you believe this is a danger of some sort them speak directly to the father of your child. Voice your concerns with him and together discuss what can be done. Both if you are parents and together have to come up with a solution to an issue the child brought up. He needs Christmas with his dad. Please speak to him to ensure the child will be cared for and that he can enjoy his father. It isn’t in the same manner with you but know that there are so many single parents out there that don’t have a choice but to keep trucking. Kids will get ill and they don’t have to deal with backlash of the other parent so no one judges them. They don’t have help from the other parent and have to work ungodly hours and miss out on a lot due to work. My kid developed bronchitis as a baby and I had to keep working and keep on trying to keep him healthy. It’s hard but if you speak with him and only him then you will probably get some form is resolution.
He gets off at 10pm? Of course he wants to sleep in. Your son is old enough to get some breakfast for himself and play quietly. It sounds like he is exhausted just like I am. My 6 year old would do the same on the weekends.
Isnt it every kids dream to eat cereal and go play video games. Has he said he wants to not to that. Looks like your ex is just tired from working lots. Maybe you could change the pick up schedule to help around his work. Hand food and mouth is very contagious and so it most virus maybe talk about hand washing so to lessen the chance of getting anything else
Also you gotta figure out truth vs. What kid will say. Mine have said their dad sleeps all day and no food…yet when i popped up with food…imgaine my shock. They figured it would get us back together
I mean, he works. As long as your kid isn’t home alone, whats the issue? When you work and his father doesn’t, are you willing to give your child to his dad? And those things you can get from school or anywhere, it’s not really the dad’s fault. Not everyone can afford to take time off during vacation times. When my husband got my stepkids for his holiday I was able to stay home, he couldn’t. If he lost his job due to missing work, I’m sure it’ll be an issue then you not getting your CS. Work with him, but don’t just go for trying to take the kid away.
Be cant help your son coming home with both viruses as they take a few days to affect the system, however I would message him and raise your concerns and tell him how your son is feeling, but of hes finishing at 10pm he may let be getting to bed till midnight and who’s looking after him whilst hes at work
Sounds like no communication …
So what’s the problem here?
Worrying too much … Atleast he makes the effort …my kids would appreciate any second they could spend with their dad . But he don’t come around at all…
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Coming home sick: Viruses and even bacterial infections can take 2-3 (sometimes longer) days to incubate. Your child is probably picking those things up from school. My oldest has brought home a cold and hand foot and mouth. It didn’t show up until sunday evening.
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Dad taking him to work/keeping him up late: it sounds like dad is trying and maybe doesn’t have a lot of options. I had to wake my (then) 2 year old at midnight to take him home. Didn’t really have a lot of options.
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Sleeping in. Well…here’s the questions. Does your son try to wake him up? Or does he let him be? Would dad wake up if your son really needed him for something? Are the doors locked? Does your kid have “safe” things to get for breakfast? (My special needs 6 year old is perfectly capable of “making” cereal or grabbing a breakfast bar).
What your child is saying may be true but it also may not be as bad as you’re thinking.
Talk to dad. Try to figure out exactly what’s going on. Be the grown up and offer to help if you can. Don’t go all ultimatum. My way or no way. Just because you wouldn’t do something a certain way doesn’t make it wrong.
Wait, your son’s in kindergarten and this is happening?! Ya definitely time to either have a serious talk with dad or just go back to court. Just be careful because some parents would take it out on the kid as if they “snitched”… not saying this always happens but it does happen.
I’m mom and my kids have to sit at work with me sometimes. There have been a couple times their bus got here before me n they don’t have keys at their age and had to wait for me to get there… Not even 5min, but if I heard that story from their dad’s house and it had nvr happened here. I know id be unjustifiably furious. We’re really just all doing the best we can.
Talk to your ex and tell him what his son said explain to him his son wants him to spend quality time with him tell him you are concern he might be losing his son respect by not spending time with him tell him I realize you have to work but your son needs your time with him also tell him I just don’t want our son to feel unwanted and not wanting to go any more that not fair on either one of you say I know you are a good father but your son needs to know this
Sounds like you want to control his time with his son. Nothing you mentioned is a problem. Both of those viruses take time to show up so I hate to tell you but he was exposed BEFORE he went to dad’s if he was only there for a few days and came home with it… he is old enough to get himself a bowl of cereal and relax in front of the tv for a little bit until dad wakes up. As for being at work with dad until 10, who cares??? My son has had a 10pm bedtime since birth. Sometimes its closer to 11… from the time he was 5 he has been involved in sports that keep him at practice until 8 or 8:30 and by the time we get home and shower and have dinner its after 10 or close to 11. He is now 8 years old. Get off your high horse and let dad be a dad. You have no say in what he does on his time…
I don’t see anything wrong with what’s going on.
Seems like you need to chill out and only have concerns if something SERIOUS. It is none of your business what the dads schedule is during his visit.
I love how you threw in your child got a disease and flu while visiting so you can try to make him look even worse. The child could have easily gotten it from school!!!
You sound petty!
Leave him alone
Not sure what the flu and hfm have to do with this lol it’s a child and they get sick,.esp if they are in daycare and or school age. Very very common childhood illnesses. As for his schedule, just talk to him. Its really not a huge deal that his dad sleeps in a little bit while your child gets up. I mean most kids get up very early on the weekends and theres been plenty of times I’ve rested on the couch while my kids ate and played for a bit. If dad is leaving him to himself all day well then yeah, but that doesnt sound to be the case…and blaming a child being sick on another parent is just petty and ridiculous. Most illness takes a few days once exposed so more than likely your child is getting the germs when in your care lol
Its not wrong for a school age child to make there own breakfast, make their bed and play video games while the parent is sleeping, im sure the father doesn’t sleep all day. Also about the work issue, do you want your child support? The money has to come from somewhere . The father is working to provide for his child and its not wrong for him to take the child to work with him until he is finished, hes still spending time with him plus he gets to see what dad does for work… with the hand foot and mouth disease that’s a virus that the child obtains its not necessarily that he gets it from the fathers house he could have got it anywhere and it just started showing symptoms when he came home & do I really have to say anything about the norovirus?
Sounds concerning I would talk to him about it 1st and if he isn’t willing to discuss it… take it to court. Shouldn’t be any excuse I worked full-time and still took care of my son. He could wake up make him breakfast and go back to sleep once ur son is settled in.
So many people shouting to just let the dad be but why can’t the dad give up time while he’s working, why does he have to get him while he’s working and take him to work w him? I’ve been a single mom and never took my kids to work with me, nor did I ever just sleep and let my kindergartner make their own breakfast!
If your son was older ya I wouldn’t see the issue but what’s the dad’s reasoning for wanting this time with the son when he’s working and sleeping when he could possibly get the schedule switched up and actually spend time with him??
If the father of your child loves his child and is doing his best, please, leave it alone
Speak with the father if you feel something isn’t right, but just remember that you CAN’T control how he parent in HIS house. If your son isn’t being harmed and there is food to eat there, he is fine.
Definitely sounds like you need to talk to the father and not people on Facebook about this particular situation. We can’t answer for him.
Once my kids started kinder more times than not get sick from the other kids. Those are the ones spread fast because someone sent their kid sick . As for cereal not surprised guys usually dont cook . I can understand the up late I hate it to. Should talk with him.
Talk to his dad. Maybe he is working that week and you can just keep your son with you.
… what’s the problem?
Those viruses mostly came from school,
Amen for a child having to make his own bed
Knowing how to fix his own breakfast that’s amazing
It’s a problem if the father is leaving the small child unattended for hours at a time. If it’s just an hour that would be one thing but it sounds like it may be more… I would talk to.the father and see exactly how long your child.is being left unattended
He could choke or anything else and no one would be awake to save him
Um no. Some of shit isnt ok. Who the fuck thinks it’s ok for a kid to be up for hours before their parents making their own breakfast? Fuck off. It clearly bothers the son enough to mention it. That should be enough to address it right there.
HES NOT PARENTING. HES IGNORING HIS KID. Yall excusing this must have some bum ass baby daddies. Shes justified in her anger.
Ask him … but be nice about it . Offer to keep him so that if he works he can be loved and with people who take care of him
Maybe talk to dad my son at that age over exaggerated everything I went out one weekend left him with a sitter and he went around telling everyone that I went out every nigbt, so i had my son pour his own cereal while i was there and he told grandma he cooked his own breakfast. I would say talk to dad first
Wait… there’s a problem here?
My three year old makes his own breakfast. He also makes cereal bowls for his two year old cousin and his two year old brother. 
ofcourse im close by but he does it.
Meanwhile it’s 10am and my 8 year old step son is still waiting on his dad to make him ba bowl of cereal.
My oldest could make his own eggs and pancakes by the time he was five.
I was a single mom for a long while with my oldest. When my oldest was five I worked three jobs and apparently I was a horrible mother because some weekends I would sleep in a little longer knowing my son was mature enough to be unsupervised for an hour.
Everyone parents differently. And your son is not used to the level of independence and self care that is needed at his dad because you probably make sure he’s completely taken care of.
Neither one is wrong. Just different. My step son also struggles with it at our house as his mom does much for him. My oldest son does too and he’s my kid!! My son is used to his dad literally dressing him.
Colds and viruses can sometimes live in our system for 3-5 days before symptoms appear. You cannot by any means point and say this is when and how he got sick.
Don’t punish dad for having to work. Maybe he can’t make it if he doesn’t. I promise you if he could take off to be with his son he would.
I understand you’re concerned. And I understand why you would want your child to be cared for the same way you do. The best way is to talk it out. Let Dad know your routine. Don’t try to instill your parenting on him. Just give advise.
Ye that’s very concerning. When my parents were divorced and my dad had all 4 of us during his time he made us 3 meals a day and then we always spent time together either at the park, playing games, going to movies etc. Just because it’s his time is no excuse for a child to fend for themselves. My dad viewed his time with his children as precious. And no child should be treated as anything less. So u have every right to feel concerned
What you have to ask yourself is does your child ever make his breakfast at your home have you ever slept in this guy works yeah he shouldn’t be taking hon to work but fair play to his dad’s work for letting him come into work a star 
for his employer very few let this happen
Really?! My boys are 3.5yo and 11yo and they both together and alone chill by themselves in the mornings while I’m asleep in my room. They are early birds while I am not. My 11yo has done it forever! Getting a breakfast items for themselves aren’t going to kill them!! My oldest gets up, showers, dresses and eats all before I wake 3-4 out of 5 days a week and has been working on that’s since Kindergarten!! Bahaha
Atleast he is taking him to work with him and not leaving him home alone. At 5 my kids all knew how to get cereal and milk in a bowl and watch tv. My kids all came down with HFM does that mean any kid who gets it is being abused? Just so happens this time he got it while at dads. It’s so crazy to me that people cry abuse when it’s a dad but when a woman says she works 14 hr days and never sees her kid everyone praises her. When you have kids with parents who are not together you can’t control the other persons house. I’m sure you do stuff the dad may not agree with.
I get how you feel, my sons father did the same with him and I had a talk with him about what was said and he said he’ll do better! It barely changed even after he got married and wasn’t much I could do to help the situation! All you can do is talk with the father and hope for the best!
- a five year old shouldn’t be left alone while the adult is sleeping
2)the viruses probably came from school but not getting enough rest (staying up late) helps to weaken the immune system
But with that said.
- a 5 year old SHOULD be learning how to make their own bed
- learning how to pour your own cereal is not a bad skill to have
- dad isn’t making his having to work an excuse not to parent.
So my advice is this, talk to his dad. See if you can work out ways where you keep your son on Friday nights. He can pick him up on Saturday when he gets up. Maybe extend Sunday until 1 hour before your son’s bedtime.
Sounds like his dad is trying as hard as he can n you sound ungrateful
How old is the child. Once they are old enough to make cereal you are allowed to sleep in a little. Kids also get sick all the time. It takes a few days to manifest. I would bet money he got sick at school.
Maybe there needs to be more communication between adults and not you and a five year old🙄 and the two adults need to be adults and talk. Five year olds do not have the mental capacity to tell adults about everything that goes on in a way that wouldn’t be misconstrued as something else.
First off I would go down and talk to a caseworker whoever you have your agreement through as far as finances tell them what’s going on and it needs to stop if you have a good relationship with your husband sit down and talk to him your ex tell him that you don’t mind keeping him until he gets off of work things like that maybe he has no choice but as far as him sleeping all day with the kids at home this is not healthy eventually he’s going to end up getting hurt or into trouble you need to put a stop to it now no matter whose bad side to get on
My kindergartner gets his own breakfast. He also makes his own bed. It could be worse. At least his dad is trying to work and be responsible? Maybe ask dad if it would be easier if u kept him until Saturday morning? So he can work and get what sounds like much needed sleep. Then u wont worry?
Hand foot and mouth doesn’t present for 10-21 days. You have no idea that he got it there. Straws and fetching right there
My 5 year old, get up before any of us with her bothers, gets her a pop tart, or cereal and turns on the tv, she makes her own bed. And cleans her room… the father sounds like he’s trying… be grateful.
Appears to me that you are looking for an excuse to alienate your son from his father. Different parenting doesn’t mean wrong parenting and doesn’t give you any right to keep him from his father. Parental alienation is child abuse.
I think you’re stretching for a problem.
This honestly sounds exactly like my house 
two older kids wake up super early and grab cereal and either play or watch tv, while I take care of the baby and dad gets lunches ready for school. I didn’t realize that was neglect… kids need to learn to be independent at times. As far as sickness goes, every single kid gets sick every winter. It’s going to happen. As working adults in a middle class world, we do everything we can to provide for our kids.
You need to try and stay out of it, meddling will look bad in court, especially if you don’t have any evidence he is being a shitty dad. Work commitments are still current whilst sharing custody, so of course he would have to work, and if they didn’t get home til after 10pm, there is no harm in a Saturday sleep in. Just buy the kid his cereal and try to keep out of his business. I know it’s hard, but you have to accept you are not part of THEM, you are part of Your son and You. Make sure your son has everything he needs when he’s with you and that’s all you can do. We all want more say in a coparenting relationship, but let’s be honest, if the relationship worked well, you wouldn’t be separate, breaking up isn’t going to automatically make him a perfect dad, he has to learn this new step, parenting on his own. So you need to try and step back and let him navigate it and move on. X
So are you saying his father is the reason he’s gotten sick? Tbh it sounds like you just threw that in there to gain a sympathy vote. HFM is going around like crazy and symptoms start days after exposure and everyone gets colds as well. Incredibly tacky and childish.
At least his dad works.
I wouldn’t allow my son to go back over there if he got sick when he went and if he has to make his own breakfast he’s in kindergarten that’s uncalled for!!!
Y’all are beyond dramatic in this thread 
Talk to Dad about Fridays and ask about breakfast food. Something easy for the son works and Dad can sleep. But maybe come on Saturday since he works so late. Stay longer on Sunday.? Getting sick, well that could have been in the making before he went to see his Dad. We got allot of illness when I school and brought it home. As kids we got up early to see cartoons until parents got up. We got dry cereal to munch on, sometimes I would make toast. I was 8 and sis was 4 . I wouldn’t worry just maybe talk to Dad about breakfast food and Friday nights. Maybe son doesn’t want what his Dad has for breakfast?
Again alot of negative nellies on here geez! I definitely feel you should talk to dad first. I saw one mom suggested keeping until Saturday morning and letting him sleep in. Great idea. Don’t think it’s a great idea for a 5 year old to stay up so late or be dragged back to dad’s work after being at school all day. They just want to go home and relax. As for the sickness maybe ask dad to wash his bedding? Communication is key though. Talk and Express your concerns with him. Your aloud your his mother! God gave us the right to do that…
Get caseworker involved…and communicate with ex…