I am emotionally disconnected from my husband: Advice?

My husband never follows through with his words. We have been married for 5 years now and together for about 7. He’s very mean to our 5 children (1 adopted, 1 from a previous relationship, and 3 of his own). I have left before when I had enough of his anger towards the two older children, which are not biologically his. He has zero patience with them and treat them like employees instead of kids. He tells me he will change and go to counseling for his relationship with them and his relationship with me which continues to crumble due to his lack of initiative in our relationship. We both work demanding full time jobs. When we get home he usually sleeps and I’m left to tend to all the house work and the kids needs. He doesn’t want to pay for a counselor, when money isn’t an issue. He never follows through with his word and honestly I am exhausted from doing everything all the time. He has also been known for deleting texts, messages, and snaps from other women and says he doesn’t want me to get upset by seeing he talked to them even though he states it’s nothing bad. I have been to counseling as well as kids. It’s like he doesn’t see an issue with his actions not meeting his words and I feel so stuck in a loveless relationship. I want out but he guilts me into staying for the kids. It doesn’t feel right and I have emotionally disconnected from him. Advise?

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Girl I stopped reading after he is mean to my kids! No mam! Time to go. It seems you have given more then enough chances. You can’t change someone like this. You need to leave and get help with self esteem… space will help you see all the time you have wasted. Don’t waste more or make your children suffer longer. Do better for them.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am emotionally disconnected from my husband: Advice?

Why are you still with him I can guarantee you if he’s deleted snaps and messages he’s cheating if he’s disrespectful to thr kids too get him gone

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Staying will only teach your kids that it’s appropriate to treat their partner that way. Staying together is neither healthy or happy.

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Talk to him. Ask him to be kinder, more loving. Nobody likes a grouch or jerk.

I’m sorry, hun, it’s only going to get worse. Soon you will both become resentful. Especially you. Also, if he’s not doing anything wrong, he wouldn’t have to delete anything. Obviously he’s a man child in my opinion

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Maybe you guys can do something as a family, a hike, swimming, BBQ, icecream trip.

Leave asap and never look back he’s abusive to you and the kids.

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LEAVE… He doesn’t want to change. Kids deserve better.

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Tell him anger and rudeness is not welcome. You want peace in the home and want everyone to he treated with respect.

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Continue counseling but you and your children have to go.

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Can’t finish reading this… leave… like fuck him if he treats the kids differently qnd is not good to the children he isn’t bio… put your fucking kids first…

I would leave. Not only is it affecting you but the kids as well. Speaking as a kid who grew up with parents who didn’t love each other and would argue over stuff all the time it will stick with you and can mess you up when you try and find a partner. You don’t want them to think this is acceptable and have them seek a partner just like him.

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Leave him. If he’s not meeting you half way or even making an attempt, then leave. Clearly he doesn’t see he’s doing you any wrong. We only have one life to live and you shouldn’t live in misery

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Get rid of him staying will only do more damage to those kids

Leave him. It will only get worse in 5 more years. Showing your kids how to be in a relationship like this. Isn’t for the kids. Christ sakes. It’s for his sake. So he can continue treating you all like this. And get away with it.

Time to get out now and your kids

You leave for your kids. They are being emotionally damaged. We as parents set the standard in marriage/ relationships to which our children adhere to. You are showing your kids that it’s ok for someone to continue to keep treating you wrong

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He had his chance to make it right, he didn’t take it, leave and stay gone. Can’t continue to fight for something one sided

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You’re already doing everything on your own. Leave. If it’s been 5 years and there’s no change or effort, only decline, it’s time to take your children and go.
If you can’t stand how he treats the older 2 that aren’t his children then imagine how they must feel.

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Better for the kids to see you happy and healthy appart then seeing you miserable with him

Free yourself and those poor kiddos.

Your first priority is the well fair for the children! What’s best for them? Mental absurd is a lifelong demon. He’s no mate for you or a provider (mental and physical) for you or his family. I’m sorry, but it’s time to save yourself and your children and cut ties! I wish you the best!

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Time for him to go. He’s not going to change and yoyr feelings towards him will only get worse. That’s no way for the kids to live. Go see a lawyer , ask for separation and him to leave the family home. Request supervised visitation if he’s going to seek visitation.

LEAVE. He will never change obviously and you aren’t dependent upon him for anything.

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Read what you wrote over & over again until you get it !!!

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You and your children deserve to be respected and happy. Unfortunately it doesn’t sound like happiness can be found with him.

As a woman in a relationship EXACTLY like this, leave. If he hasn’t changed, he’s not going to. It took me a long time, but I’m finally leaving. Your first priority is your kids. He’s emotionally abusing them and it’s going to damage them and make their mental health bad, if it isn’t already.

It’s hard, but if I can do it, so can you.

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You should leave for your kids. I wasted 18 years trying to make it work and listening to broken promises. Staying did more damage to my kids than leaving ever would have. I am 3 years free.

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Staying for the kids?
He is the kid.

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It sounds like you know what you need to do. It will be tough at first but you will be much happier. The kids might be too.

You already know what you need to do… should have already done!

Staying for the children is the worst most toxic excuse when you know the children will be better off not being in an environment with him. He isn’t even trying to compromise, he’s literally telling you what you want to hear and doing whatever he wants. You’ve given him plenty of chances. Nows to the time to follow through and leave him for good. Your children will be better for it.

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Leave take kids and get child support

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Tell him to leave. He doesn’t respect you or the kids. No reason to force something out of nothing.

When the mind goes the body will follow. Save yourself further heartache and do it sooner than later. I’ve been there.

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The kids would be better off without him. Why do you allow this to continue when he clear will never change. Leave and don’t come back.

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At this point you’re just as bad if not worse than him. You’re allowing him to mistreat and ruin the childhood of 2 kids all while also being guilted into staying for the 3 that are his. You both are putting the bio children you have together above 2 other kids and that’s just plain wrong. As mothers were supposed to protect our kids and make the ome childhood they get worth remembering and happy.

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Leave. Read what you wrote over and over, and leave!

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Take the kids and go make a beautiful life together. He has proved he is not fit as a partner. If he “wants” a relationship with the kids, he will need to put the effort to do so. You move forward, let the kids move forward, the 6 of you deserve more.

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Time to go! Take the kids and go.

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Leave. Especially if you’re financially able to and have a support system in place from other friends and family. No excuse to continue going on like you are now if all of the above rings true

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How do you feel guilty for showing your kids that his behavior is not acceptable?

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Life is short move on.

Start a divorce savings account and make your plans to leave. I know that sounds harsh, and it sucks. But if he isn’t willing to change, and hasn’t changed all this time, you are just wasting time and making your kids suffer as well. Also his bs about deleting messages is highly suspicious. Good luck. :pray:t3::pray:t3::pray:t3::blue_heart::blue_heart::blue_heart:

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Definitely leave I think everyone would be happier

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Clearly it’s not beneficial for the kids either and your allowing them to be around all this, it’s time to go youve done what you can and at this point it’s doing more harm than good

Stop letting him guilt you. You guilt him.
He’s in the wrong. You don’t want the kids to grow up to be angry and mean like he is. Save them!

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Leave. He showed he’s not willing to change and you are showing those kids that behavior is acceptable to stay with. Stay at Home Moms :fire:

It’s time to go girl.dont let him guilt you this time.

Get the fuck out. Thats a toxic relationship and he sounds like a narcissist. He will never change so its up to you to make the changes in your life to make you and your kids happy.

I’m sorry babe, but you gotta leave this man. He literally sounds so toxic … and most importantly he’s an awful influence on your children. That should be a reason alone to leave him. You will find someone who will treat you and the kids right :heart:

He’s disconnected from you too, he just doesn’t have the ambition to leave. He disrespects you, lies, and has no ambition on making any of it better.

Leave.

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He’s not going to change. You staying isn’t for the children. Start putting money back for you and the children to get out. Leave while he is at work that way he can’t guilt you and the children into staying.

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Hun that’s your heart and souls way of telling you it’s time to move on. A person can say ‘I’ll change’ a million times, but they become nothing more then meaningless words without action. It’s also really not healthy for yalls kids to see this. Leave, focus on counseling for you and the kids, and work.on healing as a family.

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take your kids, your clothes and anything you need and just walk out. go be happy, you only get one chance on this earth

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He obviously grew up in a loveless home…not sure he fully understands the level of pain for you. He also doesn’t understand how much you all need family counseling. if it doesn’t change, the kids lose.

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That sounds like a dead end road
How can your kids be happy with you staying when the problem is his attitude towards the kids?

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I just got out of a relationship like this, and I feel like I can breathe again.

You have to be happy, or your kids will never be.

What lesson do you want to teach them? Would you want them to stick it out and be unhappy forever, or would you want them to stand up for themselves and realize that they can do better?

Be the example they need, mama. Do what you have to do.

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You sound like you’re on your way to divorce court and I’m very sorry to say that to you but from what you said there is nothing you can do except save yourself and your children from the toxic and unhappy environment that you’re in. Best of luck

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Stop keeping yourself, let alone the kids, in a toxic environment! Leave. If he’s made promises & not kept them, then you’ve done your part.

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You married the wrong man…

Girl, tell him bye bye!!

I completely understand wanting to stay “for the kids”, however there comes a point when the negative overcomes the bad and staying “for the kids” is nothing but damaging and miserable for the kids. Don’t put them through that. They can see it and they can definitely feel it. If your unhappy now and there is no improvement you need to end it so your children and yourself can be happy again

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Get out. Most people see me as a strong, accomplished, assertive woman. But I stayed until I was crushed by the lack of balance. It took a year of therapy to get back to normal and now I can’t imagine why I wasted so much time. My ex wrote me that because I left him he now is a better husband because he learned from his mistakes and he is sorry he wasn’t a better husband to me. I’ve been happily married since and I’m only sorry I waited so long. Being mean to the kids is a clear indication he’s not partner material.

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The kids need to see mommy happy too. That’s important for them to see. That situation is not healthy for any of you in the family esp the kids.

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From my experience it never gets better only worse. The kids and yourself would be better off without that kind of toxicity in their lives. My kids were very happy when I left my ex and expressed to me how unhappy they were when he was around. They wouldn’t say anything before that. Believe me leave for yourself and for your kids.

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It’s not fair for the older 2… feeling of rejection is never good.kids don’t need that :pleading_face:

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Leave… FOR your kids

Staying for kids is never a good for them or even for you

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Don’t… do NOT stay “for the kids”… that’s the worst thing you can do to them. Do you want them to think this is normal ??? NOPE !!! You make an exit plan. Get another home. Separate your finances. And LEAVE ! Then you will find somebody who loves and respects you.

You’re not doing any favors to the kids by “staying for the kids”. You and them will be in a better emotional place if you leave this abusive person (verbal child abuse is still abuse). You’ve put in a lot of effort to save the marriage and he doesn’t want to. You deserve so much better. How is this even a question? You know what the right choice is.

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Id pack up the kids, and let him know youll be in a hotel until a decision is made… Tell him he has a week to pay for a counselor and start showing some initiative. Some people dont understand a marriage and a boyfriend/girlfriend are completely different. You build an entire life with that person. You have a family. I think whats best for you is to give him an ultimatum. Let him face the very REAL reality that hes about to lose everything that at one point, was everything he ever dreamed of. Im sorry youre experiencing this. I’m sorry your children are going through this. I can tell youre not looking for the simple, yet devastating response “leave”. Sometimes, it can be unfathomable. Its not easy after either. If you do take my advice, and a couple days in he shows no initiative lole you and those babies deserve, id start child support immediately. Id start looking for a new home or decide if he has to leave (which would be right. From the sounds of it, youd have main custody). Id also get the divorce paperwork started. Also, talk to TANF. While all that goes down, if it does, you can get financial help while the courts figure out what to do with him. I wosh you the best of luck dear and i hope things get better, with or without him.

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Leave he clearly doesn’t care and you take care of him and that is why he says what he says.

My advice is, when people show you who they are- believe them.

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From someone who was a kid in a similar situation… Trust me when I say this… the day you walk out those kids are gonna breathe a sigh of relief. He is guilting you because he knows your a pushover and he has successfully walked all over you and has mentally abused you and those kids. He wants his cake and to eat it to. Run don’t walk… NOW before the kids end up resenting you for allowing him to continue to treat you and then like that.

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Ew. Time to move on.

Leave. Or watch 15 year old daughter end up in the same relationship.

He guilts into staying for kids he doesn’t acknowledge?
Of course he won’t change , he knows you’re not going anywhere , so what’s the point .
You’re doing it alone anyways , why not do it alone and be happy ?

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You need to put your foot down and say you’re done if he won’t try counseling

Leave before he breaks you. Been there done that

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Ask him what’s more important, y’all’s marriage or money. 2nd off, him knowing you’re living there he is getting what he wants, no counseling and you living there. You need to give him an ultimatum, I’ll give you a week in a half to find a counselor and start going or I am moving out. He won’t take you seriously until you are out probably, but if that’s what you have to do in order to save your marriage, then do it.

Yeah. There’s a line, and it sounds like he’s crossed it over and over. He’s going to emotionally scar those kids and perpetuate this cycle of abuse. :pensive:

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So: you stay and you and the kids suffer because of his behavior, or you leave and you all get healthier emotionally because you aren’t dealing with him daily.

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Sounds like he’s in over his head and not, at this moment, fully invested in family like you are.
My advice? Tell him, in a non angry way, that you’re about done w it and if things don’t change you’ll be moving on.
See what he does, it’s up to him to change his actions

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Girl free yourself. It’s up to you how long you want to live in his pattern :confused:

Actions always speak louder than words. This situation is toxic. Especially for these children. Kick him to the curb or leave. Take the kids with you. He isn’t going to change.

Leave !!! The kids will repeat all the damage he is doing to you and because you have gone along with it they will think it’s right. Don’t let him guilt you to stay for the kids, he wants you to stay so he can have a person to take his aggression out on. Don’t tolerate it, he just wants to break you down into nothing and you continually needing him.
LEAVE NOW don’t wait

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He sound like my ex husband. He was a narcissist and was pretty evil. He’ll never change its just lies to keep you going longer. You need to leave not only for you but those children. They are seeing the way he treats them as acceptable because you are letting him stay. Show them it isn’t and tell him to leave.

When he treated those kids bad he would probably be laying on the floor. I don’t play with treating kid’s bad. That’s wrong and they don’t deserve it. We wouldn’t continue that behavior from a grown ass man. He doesn’t care.

Those kids deserve better and staying for the kids is doing more harm

Leave him and take the kids with you he says he will change but he probably never will

Remember children learn what they live. They will learn this behavior and either copy it or look for it in a relationship unless you leave. Is this the type of relationship you want your kids to have? If not leave.

Leave. He is not going to change. I’ve been in a relationship like this before - minus the kids. It doesn’t get better and every time he lures you back with empty promises it just makes him think you’ll never actually leave. So leave him - you deserve so much more and the two older kids need you to protect them.

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Take your kids an get out! Never put any man above your kids an their well being!

Get the hell out he doesn’t care about you

My motto is this, if I’m going to do everything myself I will be by myself!! Life is too short to live miserably!!

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U and your kids are what is important go

You must make plan to separate and do it.

Sounds like it’s almost time to move on :broken_heart:
No one deserves to be treated like that. It is emotional abuse to you and the kids.
Look at it this way, he is abusing your children. You are their mom. Are you doing your job as a mom or do you need to get them out? I believe you know the answer.
It’s hard, I know. I have been there. But your first duty is to your kids. :heart: Good luck momma