I’ve been hanging out with this guy every night and every chance we get for the last month in a half. He’s a single dad that went threw a rough breakup. She left him for someone else. Her manager. After he gave his everything. And just got back on his feet after divorce. He left her house, car, everything. He’s really clingy like I am, always wants me over. We talk for hours. We are best friends that sleep together. He told me from the beginning He’s not looking for a relationship right now. I’ve fallen in love with him. And today he brought up he wants to take things slow and doesn’t know when he will be ready for a relationship. That him and his daughter both like me a lot. That he needs to work on himself so he can one day be a good partner. Do I tag around and hope one day he decides to call me his girlfriend? He Is the male version of me. We tell each other everything. He calls me his best friend. But behind closed doors we kiss. Hold hands. We do everything together really. Shop together. I like him so much and I know what we have is special. But I’m falling in love and he doesn’t want love right now. He calls me beautiful and looks into my eyes. He shows respect. Love. Kindness. I’m not sure what to do. I’m falling so hard I know if I fall any harder and things don’t work out I will be upset I wasted my time and heartbroken.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am falling for the guy who calls me his best friend: Advice?
You’re being used. No man is worth that.
He’s absolutely using you. Save yourself and cut ties now.
Take this time to work on yourself and your hobbies.
You can stick around, and he may come around. But you’ll probably never stop wondering why he didn’t want you to begin with and kind of feeling like you convinced him to love you. Which isn’t the best feeling. It’s just whatever you want. You could probably get him. But I always end up regretting the ones that I like more than they like me.
Been there, done that. A man will become ready for a girl he’s interested in and what’s to be with, no matter what’s going on in their life. Don’t be used. I dealt with it for a year and a half before I just couldn’t anymore. He may never be ready for YOU
So he wants to take it slow but had you around his daughter. Weirdddd
Quit the sex and see if he still wants you around
Sounds like he wants all the benefits but no commitment. I know he’s newly single but I mean y’all already doing stuff like a couple?
If it’s only been a month then he probably does need some time for himself!
l Get paid over $115 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $12596 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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Honey I am in the same situation and it’s killing me we have been friends since and just recently connected on Facebook I don’t know to do either
I would stick around. Give yorself a time frame. Ex 1 year if he don’t change his mind then… Move on
He’s already told you the answer. If you are happy with never being more than friends with benefits, stay. If you want more, look elsewhere.
That’s not treating you with respect, cut him out and concentrate on yourself get your confidence back
You are a shoulder and boots call.
He has been honest that he isn’t ready
Sounds like he really does just want to be friends with benefits. You’re going to get hurt.
You need to put space between you or you’re going to be hurt. He’s not ready.
He’s likely lonely and you are helping to fill a void for now. When he is really ready for a girl he won’t have that respect for you and see you in that way because you already have let him enjoy the cake without having paid the baker for it. I hope for your sake I’m wrong because you will probably stay cause that’s what the heart wants….
You should really respect the fact that he’s communicating his needs & wants so clearly. If you are the friend he thinks you are, you owe it to your friendship & what could possibly be a relationship down the road to be patient. Especially when there is a child involved. You are not only in his life, but in hers as well. And she has a say as well. Take it show, enjoy the journey & stay positive. Best of luck to you all✌️
That means he friendzone you already. Move on
He’s either lying to himself or he’s manipulating you. I bet the latter.
He’s telling you exactly what to do. He does not want all in and if you cannnot respect that or handle that then you need to cut the close ties. Stop twisting the sheets with him and let him focus on him and his child.
Sounds like he loves you but the thought of the relationship scares the hell.out of him. Just keep going they way you are. One day it will hit him that he loves you too.
Leave him where is is and don’t waste your time letting him manipulate your brain. Let him do what he need to do and not use you buttering you up for his needs
Time to take a break from this friendship! You’re too invested in it. You’re just going to keep getting heartbroken
You are a placeholder
Idk I also was in this situation, friends with benefits. He is probably just scared to fully commit at this time, I have to say becoming best of friends is a great start. I am still with my best friend it’s been 14 years❤️ do what feels right for you😊
Well he already told you he’s not ready I feel like you’re doing this to uourself
When someone tells you who they are then believe them. He has told you that he does not want a relationship. He is using you to heal and get over his x. He may not realize he is doing that and I am not saying he is a bad person but he told you what he wants. Maybe slow this down or stop it before you are serious hurt by him. I wish you the very best.
Using you as an in between. He’s hiding you behind closed doors for a reason…
Sounds like a player
Date other men honey.
There’s never any guarantees - ever. Even if he professed his undying love, there’s still no guarantees. He’s being Frank and honest with you and wants things to grow organically. There’s no reason to “lock” them down. Just let it flow and grow.
So actually my husband and I started off the same way, except I was the one who just got out of a relationship and was cheated on. My now husband was my best friend for like 7 months prior to us dating and me saying yes. The poor guy sat by and watched me date around (including dates with him) and one day he showed up at my work with flowers and asked me to just be his (he had asked a ton of times prior to that) but I wasn’t ready for what he was and I felt it wasn’t right for me to say yes if I couldn’t give him what he was ready for. But that day something in me shifted and I said yes and I have said yes to him for 7 years now, the best 7 years of my life. We got married had a super fun honeymoon had 2 more babies and travel and everything it’s so fun. I would say if you wait until he’s ready it may really pay off in the long run. I still have times where I ask my husband why in the heck did you stay and wait on me?! And he just always says “I knew the beautiful life we could have together and I wasn’t willing to let that go until you made it clear you absolutely didn’t want me or a life with me” which I never did bc I had big feelings for him I just knew I wasn’t in a place to mentally to give him what he deserved and we both had a daughter they are 8 months apart. It was a lot for me but he stayed and let me tell you I’m so thankful he did. He still chases me and makes so much efforts for me to be happy.
Wheeeeee these comments are why there’s so many dysfunctional relationships. Sounds to me like the man is being pretty honest with you. Listen to his words. And then decide if you can handle the rest along with it. If you can’t, move on. If you can without getting your feelings hurt, stay. It’s not that hard.
Patience❤️ Some need more time than others. That doesn’t make him a bad person.
Sounds like your just being used in several ways. Think I’d move on.
He’s not ready and probably won’t be for a while. Plus why would he? He has the best of both worlds. You are putting yourself in a situation of heartbreak for sure. I would explain the friendship stays but all the other stuff has to stop until he is ready
He told you from the beginning he didn’t want a relationship. Respect yourself. you’re already in the friend zone especially if you already put out .
I’ve been there for 2 wasted Years! He won’t commit and will find someone else believe me. Save yourself the heartache and find someone that does want you. He is just using you! X
Yeah idk if you’re ready and willing to wait around to possibly get your heart broken.
Stay friends but also date others.
Personaly I wouldn’t give up stay as you are enjoy being with him he’s had a rough time he seems to respect you and when he’s ready he will tell you . he got hurt so bad .he needs time to heal.its up too you to decide if you can just be there at moment there’s alway RISC of getting hurt is he worth he sounds a lovely man xx
It means he doesn’t want to use you. He is honestly tryin to get over his ex before he makes another commitment. He never wants to think of her while being intimate with you. Sounds like he is honest and l think you should stick around.
I think if you really love him that you will just let things go as they are and be happy with that for now￼ as you said he just got out of a rough relationship with somebody he’s invested a lot of time with and to me it sounds like he’s working on himself? I mean for me I’ve got to be with somebody for at least a year before I even tell them i love them because that is a really big word for which more and more people seem to just throw around and it means nothing without knowing one another truly and deeply, it takes time, just be patient and it will be what it will be, everything is worth the investment in time even if it doesn’t work out. At least you tried and that’s what’s really important￼, trying to rush things like this is one way it actually pushing out another person anyway, I believe that he values your friendship which for me is more important and for the record I’m not really the greatest person to ask about this stuff because I am ace and has never been in a long relationship with anybody other than friendship but I think I have a unique perspective of other peoples relationships, at least I’m told anyways good luck and I hope it works out for both of you.￼￼
I personally wouldn’t want to waste my feelings to only feel heartbreak x
Me and my s.o were best friends for a year before we made it official. We took things slow got to know each other hung out every time my son was at his dad’s. We now live together have a three year old son together. He’s my best friend still but also my boyfriend
If you guys are just friends with benefits then he shouldn’t have you around his child. That what people in relationship ms do. Boundaries should have been set before hand.
I think you may need to back off or your going to get hurt and loose a good friend.
The kissing and holding of hands behind closed doors is just messing with your head and it’s not really a place you want to be…I understand he’s your friend ,nxt time he goes to kiss you or hood your hand …stop him and talk ,tell him what it’s doing to you and it’s not fair on both of you …clear the air
Hang in there be there for him if he is giving you all of his time like that you’re special to him but explain your feelings if y’all’s communication is that good his reaction will tell you your next move. Don’t come on extremely strong men get damaged also and he don’t want to be toxic so he wants to fix his mental state before jumping into something serious
Cool your jets. Way too soon to be that entwined with someone who’s just gotten out of a relationship
Give him time. Being best friends is the best way to start a relationship . Then, if it’s right… he will realize how good you are together.
No, give it up as a bad job, he’s using you to cope which means you will never be equals because he will need you more than you need him. Been there got the tshirt. Save yourself the heartache x
I would say it could possibly be worth waiting for. You knowing and being good with his child will be big brownie points and if you let him heal it could end well. However the codependency it looks like y’all are having may prevent that somewhat as well, so also keep that in mind.
That’s so hard. I went through that before I found my current spouse. It broke my heart in the end because it just wasn’t going to happen. Definitely stay friends but don’t close the door for other people￼
You need to put some distance there. He has flat out told you that he’s not ready for a relationship. Why would he want a relationship after just getting out of a marriage? Why would he want a relationship when he can have everything but the commitment with you? You’re setting yourself up and you need to put some distance there. Stay friends but cut out the benefits part and honestly ya probably need to not go to his house for a while.
He needs time to figure out himself. What he really wants in life. I needed time after my divorce to get my head straight and to take care of me and my kids. Two years later I was ready to start dating. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Back off if you have to.
Take it slow don’t get pregnant and be honest also take advise with kids
He’s using you to get over her RUN
Sounds like he has feeling for you to. But I’d not ready to fully commit because of how things went with the last relationship. I wouldn’t necessarily say run…. But I wouldn’t stick around for months waiting on him to be “ready” to commit either. I think he’s enjoying your company right now and the way you make him feel but just isn’t ready (like he said) to settle down yet. It’s really up to you and you only if YOU choose to wait it out or leave him be
I would wait for another 2-3 years or so, this story reminds me of someone else very close to me. Except the woman ended up being with someone else because the man didn’t fight hard enough for her. Years later, they still have feelings and still in communication, even tho they been married to someone else and had kids with someone else. The man regrets not fighting for her sooner.
Honestly, i would wait. If i hadn’t met my now husband, i would still be searching for that person. (The story doesn’t refer to me but someone close to me)
Honestly, if you’re catching feelings and he’s claiming “best friend” status in public but treating you differently in private then I believe you’re being used and getting mind f**ked. You need to protect yourself.
Just remain as you are. You don’t need the girlfriend title to have something special, and it sounds like you both have something quite special in the works. Don’t let the fact you’re not official put you off, if you like what you’ve got going on then that doesn’t have to change!
He’s probably doesn’t know it but this behavior is toxic. If he needs time to work on himself, then he doesn’t need to string you along for the ride with the hope of being with you being dangled over your head. If you aren’t happy with this arrangement anymore, you need to get out before you are seriously disappointed later. Stay at Home Moms
Yall are already together he just needs the time to realize it
Walk away if its mend too be …he will come looking for you.
He’s told you what he wants - if you want more - walk away now.
It’s really a gamble right now and the wager is your feelings. There is a chance he will catch feelings for you too and you guys will live happily ever after but there is also a very good chance you will end up with hurt feelings and a broken heart. He’s telling you what it is right now and giving you no hope it will ever be anything else. Believe him.
I have been in this situation. I have been you, I stayed around and when I finally realized nothing was going to come of it, I made the extra stuff stop. We were friends and that’s it. We actually didn’t talk for two years due to this. After two years things changed but we both had changed. This was 10 years ago and after 3 years we stopped seeing each other. I’m not saying it could or couldn’t work but it’s a horrible heartbreak waiting. I was devastated after we ended things but it took me a while to realize that what we had wasn’t what real love is and it was toxic at times. Just be careful and take things slow, quit sleeping with him, be his friend. Everyone’s relationship is different.
Well I was once in the same position as your friend. I had gone through a bad divorce, left to raise 2 kids and pretty much on my own to figure things out. I became best friends with a man who I developed the most amazing relationship with. He was so very patient with me, he knew from the beginning I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I spent 2 years getting to know him and working on myself. I had to work through all the feelings I had about my failed marriage. I knew if I couldn’t let that go I would never be able to fully move on. We have now been together for 6 years. Our relationship is solid, he is my best friend, my safe place and the love we have is amazing. I thank God everyday he was so patient with me and didn’t move on when I wasn’t ready.
Maybe your friend is still trying to work through of some of his issues.
My bf and I have been together 3 years he wanted a relationship I didnt yet bc I just left a 9 yr relationship and he and I were messing around and best friends before we dated and he has a son. We were pretty much official without me making it fb official or anything. And after 8 month we made it official official well fb official and I couldn’t be happier. I was scared to be with another narcissist so I put it off bc I had a fear of being hurt
That is toxic af sister! He wants his cake and it eat too. You don’t want a man that is wishy washy with feelings. You’re not experiment 129! Shame on him for introducing you to his kids when he doesn’t know what he wants!! Tell him to kick rocks
No matter how will end up is never a waste of time or you wouldnt invest your time in primis. Just give him time and give yourself a timeline , i mean if in the next 3-4months nothing change , then you should step back and explain him that you are in love and keep this relationship the way it is , will hurt you. Then let him to decide if he wants more or not… thats what i would do.
You both need to take a couple steps back. One y’all are dragging his kid into the mix so she’s seeing y’all love on each other but outside the house y’all aren’t that’s not setting good examples and could possibly be confusing to her in the long run. He already stated where he stood and you guys are on two different pages… i think you guys needs to step back and give each other some space and figure things out that way for your sake his and especially the kid.
If you give up to give those things that he benefits do you think he still hang around?
Your wasting your time. He has it made. He gets everything he wants from you without any commitments. Be friends but definitely not with the benefits…why would he ever change the way things are?
Been there done that and the guy and me finally got together lasted 15 years
Hun keep re reading. You’ll see that he enjoys the benefits and clearly doesn’t want to commit with you. If you stay, your only hurting yourself. Choose wisely & good luck
Give it time he will come around .!!
You’re already giving him everything without a title… You might as well stick around at this point
He got his foot in your bedroom and no where else. Honey no. It doesn’t matter how much alike you are if he isn’t willing to reflect the same feelings as you. Tell him no more hanky panky. Because you are falling for him it’s not fair to either of you or HIS DAUGHTER to be catching feelings. Keep the friend in a friend zone until he is ready to commit.
I wasted 4 years on this EXACT scenario. Only difference is my kids are adults and he doesn’t have any. If you continue this “friendship” you will break your own heart over and over!!! I know it’s hard and you have hope he will come around but the truth is he probably never will! I advise you to proceed with caution at your own risk and try not to fall to deep or it will just hurt more in the end.
Time to run away as fast as you can. He is not worth causing you heartache.
You are a rebound and giving him everything he needs without having to commit. When he’s ready he will likely move on with someone else. Give him space to mourn the loss of his relationship and figure himself out. If he loves you he will come find you
Stop the sex, kissing and such until he is ready for a committed relationship. If you ate just a friend to him why give him the benefits of a relationship without being in a relationship?
I don’t usually comment on these posts, and you may have stopped reading comments by now and may not see this, but please just run. This post sounds like word for word the hell I have spent the past 7 years in. He is telling you that he doesn’t want to be with you, and I know you don’t want to hear it but even when he is ready for a relationship it won’t be with you. He was heartbroken and needed someone to occupy his time and ease his pain. No matter how perfect you are for each other he’s never going to look at you as “the one” bc you’re always just going to be how he cope with the last of someone who loved, and when he moves on from his ex he’s going to move on from you too, not with you. I was in this exact situation, and the guy told me basically what your guy is telling you now, and at that exact time I found out I was pregnant, like literally the next day. Circumstances pretty much forced him into continuing things with me, but 7 years later he says he loves me and it still feels like he’s forced to be with me and that he’s with me only because now I’m a stay-at-home mom and take care of not only our daughter but his other child, and if I wasn’t there he wouldn’t be able to work, to add to matters our daughter is disabled so it’s not like we could just put her in daycare, raising her requires two people that have to live together because one can’t work and one has to be at work all the time. My heart has been breaking over and over everyday for years now and the only reason it hasn’t looked me already is bc I have to be around for the kids. Do not do yours to yourself. Find someone who wants you
I’m in a similar situation but we’re both newly single and we’ve not had any intimacy. We’re best friends and have known each other almost 20 years. We’ve been each other’s rock the past 6 months. He’s a sweetheart and we get along great but I’m starting to develop some feelings. I’ve definitely made hints that I’d “date” him but I just think he feels the same way. We have a great time together, have soooo much in common and can tell each other anything without judgement. I know I’m setting myself up for heartbreak and definitely don’t want to hurt our friendship of almost 20 years. But I can’t help what my heart feels.
If he’s not open about what he wants, back off. If he meets the right person, he’d be ‘ready’ for a relationship tomorrow. Dudes play that game to keep you giving them the emotional validation without them having to commit or be responsible for your feelings and if you’re hurt, they can just say they’ve already told you they didn’t want a relationship. Trust that he means what he says and if you want more and it hurts not to get it, you’re going to have to cut him off cold turkey and move on with your life. Dudes have zero remorse about doing this to women. If his words don’t match his actions, trust the actions. If he’s saying he doesn’t want a relationship and he’s not committing to you, trust that he’s just fine with hurting you, even if he says that’s not what he wants to do. Start seeing other people if needed. He’s not ‘just a friend’ to you and he’s holding a valuable spot with his manipulation. Don’t let him. You’re allowing it currently. He’ll be sad when you cut him off because he will lose that value but he’s not willing to give anything in exchange for it and you’re getting the short end of the stick. Find your worth and charge accordingly.
He just left a marriage, it’s ok not to be ready to be in a relationship. Make it a friendship without the sex benefits. Just be friends- save sex for someone who is ready to be have a relationship with you because that’s what you’re wanting. Find someone who wants the relationship you’re wanting, I wouldn’t wait for a man who is not ready, rebounding, and healing. That’s asking for heart ache to me.
He has legit told you what he wanted . He has it made, he can sleep with you and do all the things a man should do with you but he doesn’t want you. I guarantee you that if you stopped and left him alone, within a month he would be with someone else.
I mean there’s really only two options here you either put your feelings aside and love him as a best friend and still enjoy his company and look at it as a friends with benefits thing if you think you’re strong enough to do that and have enough control over your emotions or you have to completely leave if you think it’s just gonna hurt you because it sounds like it’s going to be a while before he’s ready to commit to another relationship which is understandable from what he went through. Be grateful that he’s so open and honest with you some men were just drag you along not say anything
I say… give him what he wants n back waaay off!! Give him lots of space n plenty of time to miss u. Hang out with other friends n when he calls answer n sound like yr having the time of yr life. If he’s really into u… he will know it n so will u and things will either get serious or fade off. Idk good luck
I constantly find myself in the guys shoes in these scenarios. Speaking from that point of view, I don’t know if I’d waste my time if I were you because I refuse to put titles on things. He might forever be like that as well.
He’s telling you exactly what he wants. There’s no way around it.
If he felt the same he would want you as more than a best friend. You fulfill a need now, but when someone else comes along you will be placed on the back burner. Your worth more than that. Go find the guy who will want to show you off to everyone and be proud you are his.
There is bf material and FWB material You want bf material, a man, he’s not a man, he’s a boy… or keep him around for what he is until you find a real man. Unless one day he wakes up and recognizes you’re the one who is always there for him, regardless of his bs, walk away.
If you love something, let it go.
If it comes back to you, it’s yours.
If it doesn’t, it never was.
He’s just using you. They call that having their cake and eating it too.
Trust me when I say he’s only doing all that stuff so you do sleep with him. If he was to get into a relationship with you down the road, I would bet my life that all that sweet stuff he’s doing now, he definitely won’t do in the relationship.
Unfortunately I know first hand.
R U N.
RUN FAST AND FAR.