Hi mamas I’m 4 months pp and I had a pretty traumatic birth with my daughter. I went ten hours with nitrous oxide and no pain meds to not dilate passed 4cm and then had an emergancy c-section because I started bleeding from a placenta abruption…… my husband looked at me like a ghost for weeks…. And i was just in the trance of new mom and i was depressed/exhausted but was okay. But i am just consumed with death thoughts. I look at my husband and i’m scared when he will be gone, i look at my parents and scared when they will be gone, i look at my daughter and scared to leave her… is this a phase with a tough birth? I’m breastfeeding is it hormones? I’m having a hard time I’d love to hear other moms thoughts, no one talks about the dark stuff
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am having a hard time coping after giving birth
This is postpartum anxiety. Talk therapy can do wonders, and medication is another great option. You’re not alone, mama.
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I’ve never had it so I could be wrong but I would visit a Dr and ask about ppd and ptsd sounds like you for sure have it and dad might as well. A therapist might also be in the theory here for helping
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Yes postpartum anxiety, definitely mention it to your doctor!!! Don’t be afraid, it’s pretty common. You are 100% not alone 
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This sounds like postpartum depression and is very real and very common. Please do not continue to suffer, call your OB there are many ways to help. There are some safe antidepressants and therapy is easier to access now that it’s online and virtual to get you by while medications start working. You do not need to suffer, and you are not alone!
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Ask your doc to help get on medication for postpartum depression
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Definitely postpartum depression/anxiety. Please reach out to your Dr. You can take something in the short term to help you get over the hump. You’re not alone and I’m sure you’re doing a great job as a new mama.
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I felt the exact same way after my second son was born. I felt this huge sense of doom, and was a nervous wreck constantly. I did get medication, and am so glad I did.
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As a nurse and a mom who has been there, PLEASE contact your provider for medication and/or therapy. Postpartum depression/anxiety does not go away on its own and can progress to postpartum psychosis. There is no shame in seeking help.
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Please be evaluated for ppd. Not that that’s what it is but I had SEVERE ppd and I’d rather see someone evaluated and told “it’s normal, no ppd” than not to and end up as bad as I was after my 1st. No, I never had thoughts of death that I remember and I didn’t try to hurt my child like some do but the phsycosis was SO bad.
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I tried to hard to “fight” my postpartum anxiety and waited 6 months to seek help. It makes me sad that I feel like I really didn’t fully get to enjoy those first precious months like I could have! I started taking Zoloft I feel like a new person. Very common
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I felt the same way after my 3rd. I did talk to my Dr and get on some meds, it helped tremendously. You are not alone, mama. This is much more common than people think. I’m glad you are reaching out.
Call your doctor asap.
Personally it sounds like postpartum anxiety / depression. After the trauma your body went through and the fight it’s been going through to try to get you up to the healthy level you should be. Throw breastfeeding into the mix which can add to the depletion and anxiety and depression. The sooner you bring it up to your doctor the sooner you can start steps towards recovery. Fortunately it is generally a temporary condition which is extremely controllable and curable.
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Go to your doctor cause that’s definitely postpartum and you don’t want it to get worse like postpartum psychosis. It’s more normal than people want to admit
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Have you considered you may have post partum depression ? It would be beneficial for you to speak to either your gp or someone you trust about how your feeling. Especially after such a traumatic experience. I remember being terrified when I had to be rushed for emergency surgery after having my son due to complications…my main worry was that I wasn’t going to make it…that may also play a part in why you feel this way…almost like a feeling of being cheated out of what should be a beautiful experience…reach out mama …and know your not alone…x
Postpartum anxiety is no joke! You hear about the depression but not about the anxiety. I’m proud of you for noticing it before it gets too out of hand! Talk to your doctor for some medication, and look into a therapist, or counselor. Motherhood is tough on it’s own, adding birth trama and hormones into the mix can really do a number on you, but you’re not alone. You got this momma!
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You need to talk to your doctor. I’m sorry. Big hugs!
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I didn’t get on anything the first time this time I did right away I’m 3 weeks postpartum
I remember having these vivid horrible thoughts. Sleep deprivation also plays a role. Sunlight!!! You have to push yourself to get outside! Change of pace helps!
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Sending love and strength 
These thoughts are normal and do occur, off and on, they will (hopefully) become less frequent; I try to be positive
Totally normal after traumatic birth. Prozac zapped me back to normal. Call your doctor. You’ve got this!!
Please call your OB and let them know what’s going on. You are NOT alone in this!
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Hey we are here for you. It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay. Call your doctor immediately and tell them how you are feeling. 
This too shall pass
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I always worry about my kids or their dad dying.
I lost my dad, my husband’s best friend and one of my dearest closest family
Members while pregnant. I had dreams about death constant before I got on my meds in December. The dreams would be very vivid and horrible. Please reach out to your doctor. I still dream about death but not to that extreme anymore. There are nights I wake up crying and missing those people or check all my kids because I’m terrified they have passed while sleeping. It’s honestly very hard still and probably will be for a long time. The medication will help a lot 
don’t ignore the signs of postpartum 
L&D nurse here. I’m not terribly familiar with post partum but my initial thought is the trauma and thoughts associated with your traumatic birth may be what’s being projected to your newborn or even the rush of hormones you get every time with breast feeding/pumping may be what is bringing these feelings back from a traumatic birth since all of these hormones were present during labor and delivery. I would definitely get with your provider about potential counseling options to cope with these thoughts and feelings but maybe also get screened for post partum depression. Feelings of death/or taking an action of these thoughts whether it be to yourself or your newborn can be common with post partum depression. I’m so sorry you had a traumatic birth and these weeks after have been so difficult. I hope and pray the best for you and your family
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Meds can help significantly & I’m so sorry you’re going through this… Yes, a lot of Mamas go thru more than just baby blues pp & it can be bewildering, lonely & traumatic 
My second child was the easiest but I had depression & never wanted to have another child after that. Pls see your Dr as soon as possible 
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Feels Going down a dark pathway getting narrow and narrow and it feel like your suffocating with all your emotions all at once instead of this beautiful expectation of your hormones balancing out like rose petals spread out leading to to the light , it feels like you are stepping on glass shards . The only way to pull your self out of this is to open you’re mind clear from all by our thoughts breathe take in air … and with every breathe tell yourself everything is going to be ok . Close your eyes and imagine yourself holding the whitest bright light and strongest light you have ever seen hold it close to y out r heart and imaging carrying it through the dark narrow passage way . This will help protect you . Each time you feel the darkest is trying to close in tell it that it’s only your anxiety and it’s not in your mind you k is it’s real but that you no longer need it that you don’t need it to fight for you that you can fight fir yourself and that you can be your own hiding light in the new journey your taking as long as you believe in yourself and what you want this life to bring you can pull yourself out of the darkness and find the light you will get through this and don’t forget today is now and tomorrow is new leave the negativity in the today and follow your heart in the new … you are doing an AMAZING job you just need to believe in yourself and you will find peace
Make sure you are eating and drinking lots of water first !! This is very very important second it’s I went threw it with all of my children it’s post baby blues you definitely need some sleep it will get better it will stop this will pass just remember it’s just a thought
I learned this trick that’s worked really really good for myself and I had crippling post baby blues because my first child passed away 
Basically you reset you brain and let it know your safe
Recognize your five senses
Ok freaking out where am I
I’m safe in my living room what’s can I see cartoons tv flowers ect what can I feel a blanket the ect what can I taste what can I smell this seriously works if you really use it 
It’s Going to be ok
Ps when you have these anxiety attack because that’s what it is elevate your feet and relax your back try to calm your breathing and do the five senses it will help ( sleep! A must !! Food a must !! Water a lot as well a must the more rest you get the faster it will go away you body needs to heal )
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Post natal PTSD! I had a tough birth. My first pregnancy was a normal c section. But 14 months later I had my second child. My first c section cut did not have time to heal since the births were only a year apart. My tissues started to rip apart. Thankfully baby and me were both okay. But I only had severe depression from the hormones. I would talk to a therapist Bc it sounds like you have ptsd. With the therapist be totally honest. It’s the best way for them to help you fast. I also suggest you keep your physical health up. Includes bathing yourself and eating right. After both my births I constantly would stop all hygiene practices. Did not realize it until someone said something to me. Don’t have too much caffeine or sugar. You still have prego brain so it’s easy to forget very simple things. I would try writing everything down. Keep a little notebook with you. But post natal ptsd is serious!! Please seek professional help. You deserve to get help for yourself. You carried and birthed a child. you and your daughter deserve happiness
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Sounds like pp anxiety i would speak to your dr about it for sure there is meds that can help with those thoughts.
Postpartum Support International
Postpartum Support International
It is absolutely postpartum depression, Sweetheart.
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It sounds a lot like ppd. Ask your doctor for an evaluation. Might be worth to consider starting meds. Good luck
Honey you need to reach out for help from a doctor ASAP. It could be postpartum depression, it could be anxiety, hormones, it could be any number of things. That’s why I really advise you to seek medical attention. Mom’s groups are good for support but they can’t replace a medical professional. Good luck.
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I have been there and it is tough. I’d definitely say you’re going through postpartum depression and anxiety. Mine was also very high with my 3rd and last child. Call your OBGYN immediately. You have to make the move and be ok with knowing that you’re gonna need a little help getting through this. It’s WAY more common that people talk about, but it is VERY SERIOUS!! Mine was so bad that I was suicidal/homicidal. Luckily I got in to a dr who was able to give me the right medication to help me but it took a bit to get me right again. Prayers mama! My inbox is always open
Definitely talk to your doctor and talk to him/her about taking medication for depression.
When I had my first baby, I had postpartum depression reallllly bad.
As an angel mom and a mom who has experienced placenta abruption 2x Im so sorry. There are birth trauma therapists that may be able to help and I would encourage your husband to go in with you a few sessions. I waited to see if anyone would loom at me different after cleaning up the mess from the bathroom. I did get treated different. But it was pure hate. Because I lost our baby. It took time. A lot of time to heal. Hugs. Also there is a placenta abruption and awareness group on Facebook. They’re very supportive.
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So yes, you have had an experience with a very traumatic birth. Definitely sounds like PTSD. I have had two births both I was staring at deaths door. Almost lost my children. Lost my youngest after he was born at 5 months and that is still traumatic. We have been in therapy for two years this year. I started an anxiety medicine but sense worked with my primary and therapist to go off of medication. I wanted to try to live without medication and I have done ok. My recommendation is to find a therapist NOT a Psychologist/Psychiatrist. Pick one that specializes in PTSD and Family. Try that for a bit and ask them and primary or OB if they can work with your mental health therapist to guide you the best. Death can be a very scary thing, facing it is even worse, know that there is a lot of support and you will not feel this way forever, this part will soon not be as intense and you will be able to feel ok again.
Sounds like you may have post pardem. I had a VERY traumatic birth experience as well with my second and i did not have these feelings so intensely. Always good to check with your doctor
My daughter is 10 months old I was having it really bad a while back I totally understand I think I’m doing better now but totally understand
I didn’t have a traumatic birth but had all the exact thoughts. Please see a doctor soon hun xxx you will feel better with time I promise xxx and talk to you husband and explain how you are feeling and need support xxxx
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You may need an antidepressant
100% PPD
I had it with my first and I didn’t even realize I was a zombie until I “snapped out of it” 8 months later. Then I had post partum rage with my second, that was a whole other beast lol
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You need to talk to your dr. Postpartum depression/anxiety is not something to just try to handle on your own. Thoughts of death are not normal postpartum feelings or “a phase”. I just went through a difficult birth as well. I didn’t end up having an emergency c section but I was induced and it was almost 48 hours before he was born. 5 rounds of Cytotec, a Foley bulb to force me to dilate, dr breaking my water, and then laboring for 15 hours without pain meds due to two failed epidurals. The second causing my blood pressure to drop very low and baby’s heart rate to drop. Multiple scares during that time because the cord was wrapped around his neck. I completely understand being in shock as to what happened and still adjusting but you have to get help. You should also talk to your husband because, with a new baby, everybody is tired and he may not have been looking at you the way you think. He could also be having a difficult time adjusting.
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You need to make an appointment asap for ppd
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I went through something similar almost the exact same thoughts I promise with time it will pass
Postpartum depression, you need to see a doctor ASAP!
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Sounds like PTSD/ PPD I would look into counseling
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If sounds like post natal depression go c your gp and talk to them about how u r feeling
It’s very daunting by yourself n feeling lonely and not coping
Please ring lifeline and hang in there 
there is help available xxx
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PPD. Talk to your Dr about Vitamins instead of prescriptions. Vitamin D is a natural antidepressant. I would rather see your baby get vitamins in her milk instead of prescriptions. Look into FB pages for vitamins and a more natural way to cope. Prescriptions are not the way. God bless.
I think when you give birth it just shows you how fragile life is 
you’ll never see the world the same again. Everything will scare you. You’re a mom now and this is just one of those things no one talks about. There’s a whole new fear to it.
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Huggs
It sounds like a traumatic birth
Postpartum emotions are definitely a tough thing
It took me a while to accept that I had a c-section
Instead of natural birth
It would benefit talking to your doctor
I’d go the opposite, try fresh air, immerse yourself in nature, go for walks with no shoes on, for no reason just do it and do it everyday. Try that for 2-4 weeks before you try a doctor.
The doctor will only give you pills to suppress yourself, nature will allow you to understand yourself and move forward with your feelings, it’s not healthy to suppress yourself with pills.
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Me I had this problem with my first child!! I had found my mom after she passed away and I was four months pregnant. I was terrified to the point of freaking out and swearing something was wrong with him if I could not hear him breath when I was asleep. It was horrible. I have no advice since I was too scared to reach out for help since it was now just me and my new baby but I can tell you that you are not alone in this
I just had something very similar. Gave birth 9 days ago and epidural failed and i felt them cutting me and they immediately put me under and then I hemorrhaged on the OR table and in PACU and had to feel them pull blood clots out of me while running pitocin full blast to help my uterus contract and i felt non stop contractions wave after wave. I begged them to put me back under but they said they couldnt. It was a pain level I cant put into words and i begged them to let me bleed out. I was in the hospital a week and needed multiple blood transfusions and caught an infection. I still havent processed it all. It made seeing the baby the first few days hard. It was a reminder of the pain? It is better now 9 days out and home with my little one and able to bond. But i am still in alot of pain and struggling with dark thoughts as well. My poor husband thought I was gonna die and begged doctors to save me and he has some trauma as well. He has been so stressed between that and caring for me and our newborn.
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As someone who had postpartum depression, please speak to your physician.
Good vibes coming your way 
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Sweetheart I feel you. Need grief counseling, get yourself booked in asap
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I had this BAD after giving birth to my daughter.
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You have to retrain your brain. I had an emergency c-section with my 2nd. While on the table I heard them say her blood pressure is dropping, and I started to fade out and fought to not go into the sleep. It didn’t affect me until I was pregnant and towards the end of my pregnancy with my 3rd. I painted a feature wall in the boys room with their names, put the alphabet up, because I didn’t think I was going to be coming home.
Try and spend more time, make more of an effort making HAPPY memories is my advise…… this will distract you from the death topic.
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I gave birth on the 18th of this month. I am in the same boat. After 15h of killing labor pain I wasn’t dilated more than 3cm. I got 3 different epidural, all failed. Baby was distress too and finally end up with emergency C section. I lost 1.5 liter blood. I feel like I got a second life 
.
It’s definitely a mix of everything. Hormones, adjusting to life after birth, healing from trauma, etc. It’s a big change transitioning to motherhood and you’re not alone feeling this way. It does get better but depression and anxiety after birth certainly are not uncommon. I’d seek out help if necessary, but it will get better in time as you adjust. Your brain and body are going through extensive changes and healing. Seek out support from other moms and remember to prioritize yourself as well. We cannot pour from empty glasses and must take care of our mental and physical health! Do something you enjoy, take time for yourself, remember you’re human. Best!
Baby doll you need a therapist. Please. These kinds of thoughts are not good for you. You don’t need to live every day in that kind of fear. You should be happy. Not all rainbows and butterflies all the time… But enjoying being a mom and a wife and a family. I’m sending you well wishes.
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You have post natal depression by the sounds of it. Try to get to the doctors for help asap as you can’t just suffer alone in silence.
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I just had a major surgery and am going through the same thing. I think it’s from trauma
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I went through the exact same thing 11 months ago! Therapy, Jesus and medicine helped me. I am now about to have another and I have these thoughts still but not all consuming, and I am on medicine again until I have her and I feel I’m ready to not use them. My fiancé had to take a couple weeks off work cause I was so deeply depressed when I was about 8 weeks post partum it peaked. It did get better, death is a very real fear and it is not talked about. My life has completely changed since experiencing that depression. Not all In bad ways… I appreciate life and my children more. It is hard, please message me if you need to!
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It sounds like postpartum. Talk with your doctor and seek therapy. It will help a lot, hang in there
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get help talk to your midwife dr anybody i had this 32 yrs ago traumatic birth of my daughter and i didnt speak up till it really took hold of me so i beg you get some help hang in there things will get better with help xxx <3
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Oh mama. Sounds like postpartum anxiety. I went through this. Please speak to your doctor
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I’m a great believer in nature…Getting out daily, working in the garden etc…are much better for us than meds . …but sometimes we need a bit of extra help to turn ourselves around after trauma before it gets too bad to deal with without meds. Go to your Dr. Talk to your family. Tell them honestly how you feel . Dont just say I’m fine. Just tired. Let them help you to help yourself
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Honey you have been traumatized im so sorry that happened. Book an appt with therapist. I have ptsd i see a therapist weekly. I really like talkin to her its really best thing ive ever done for myself. Hugs to you
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Anything postportum depression you should talk to your doctor he can help you through this difficult point in your life. I had postpartum depression for 2 months and with the help of friends I came out of it but it was awful to have, please seek help, you went through so much…
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I lost my daughter at 37 week with placenta arupchion and my husband looked ay me the same to. She almost took me with her. It’s hard to get past from. Everyone looks at you a little different. For me I just thought about my girls at home and how thankful I was to still be there with them. Maybe try some counseling. It does get better. Look at your new baby and think how lucky you and the baby are.
Totally normal imo, just got through/going through those pp thoughts. It’s crazy and feels like you’re going crazy.
Completely normal!! Facing your own mortality puts everything in a different perspective. This happened to me. Emergency c section too! I was terrified and alone. No time for epidural. These feelings will calm down soon, dont worry. But it wouldn’t hurt to mention it to your doc.
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You need a huge hug girlfriend!!! I wish I could give you one, and tell you everything will be okay! You need to be healthy for you and your baby! Trauma from such experiences can make you think about everything. Try and relax and get your mind right, probably a good time to talk to your doctor. Sending you love and healing prayers
I definitely went through that postpartum, as well. Make sure you’re talking to your doctor, too. They won’t judge you and they have resources that can help. It’s okay to need help.
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When I had my son 8 years ago. I also felt this same way. Your absolutely right, no one talks about the dark stuff. I went to my Pcp, I went to my Obgyn, no one did anything. I cried at every appt asking for help. I literally felt like no one was listening. I think this should be part of the discussion during prenatal care during the pregnancy at appts. It’s a real thing. It happens to new mamas more then people think. Talk to your dr. I hope they are understanding and give you someone to talk to, or if your up for it, medication to help. Good luck mama. You are NOT alone. And it’s ok to not be ok. Just make sure you don’t struggle in silence.
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Yes talk to your doctor ASAP… my daughter just went through this and her doctor prescribed a med and she is finally seeing things normally again. It’s postpartum and it will take a month or so to feel better after you get on medication. But you will feel better!! It’s quite common, so your not alone my dear. 
Personally I would get some professional advice on the matter. Don’t wait and allow these thoughts to consume you and interfere. Anxiety is something most mom’s are bound to feel on so many different levels! The best thing is to talk about it.
I to had a very traumatic birthday we my twins and was going through it just tell your ob she can help you
Sounds like a lot of anxiety coming into play from the hormones
Join a postpartum group and also talk to your Dr
Completely normal, postpartum depression and anxiety are very common.
Nothing to be ashamed of.
But you need to talk to your doctor asap. They can help you. Wether it’s therapy or medication.
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Momma I feels you… I was exactly like this 3 months into my postpartum after my son was born… please contact me so I can add you to a WhatsApp group that we have for mommies who need to talk and vent
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Normal to have the what if’s after a traumatic experience. Very normal to have those what if’s . My first born is 22 and I probably have them more now when he’s out driving about 
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It’s postpartum psychosis. I had it for almost a year after my son was born. Get help and check your iron
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Probably hormones. You need to tell your doctor. Post-partum depression is fairly common and it is treatable.
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It will pass…that is a normal response to a near death trauma PLUS pp…I suggest a counselor to talk you through the process and help you realize you are NORMAL …glad ur ok
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post partum anxiety and depression is very normal but I would talk to your doctor about it
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Yes. It is a phase. You had a close call. BUT you did it !! You have a beautiful baby. You need to talk about it. A group or counseling or therapy. Contact you doctor. It could still be hormone imbalance. You can do this !!!
I went through this a year after my son was born when my grandfather died in a very tragic way and I had to help deal with the aftermath. All I can say is reach out and talk to someone cause if not the thoughts will consume you. I actually fought past it all by myself but I really wish I would have told someone and tried to get help. Sending you love, prayers and positive vibes! You’re not alone 
Get in touch with your doctor and be very honest with them. This sounds like post partum anxiety and it’s a doozy. Hang in there. It will get better with time and help.
Oh momma. I feel for you. I had my 2 pregnancies back to back and had horrible post partum with my second. I would have these “movies/events” that played out in my mind all day long. Walking downstairs with one of my kids…I’d see us falling and blood everywhere and me running back upstairs and calling 911 and the ambulance taking us away. The whole scene. Driving I’d see us getting hit by another car and the wreckage and blood and ambulances. The whole scene. It was all day long. And then at night I’d check on them compulsively…but before I could open their doors I’d again see a whole scene. Me opening the door, them not breathing, me calling 911 and doing CPR. I finally told my doctor and was put on meds. It took 2 years to get the right kind/dose. My youngest is now 4 1/2 yes old and I’m finally off of all medicine
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First I’d like to say I’m proud of you for writing this post! Because you are right nobody talks about the dark stuff
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talk to your OB & they will send you to the right support group.
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It is normal but don’t be afraid to reach out to a doctor for some help. You don’t have to go through it alone. You might also try some talk therapy. It has helped me tremendously and a lot of people are doing it through zoom now so you don’t even have to leave the house. Hang in there mama! You are doing amazing.
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Talk to your doctor this is postpartum anxiety , I unfortunately suffered with after my daughter she Is almost 2 and I’m just getting over it . Its completely normal and your doctor will understand also I’d recommend having your partner read up on pp anxiety and depression that way they understand what your going through and can help you cope. It isn’t something you should go through alone. Hang in there mama itll get better
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I had really bad postpartum anxiety. I did not sleep, I watched my daughter take every breath for the first few weeks. I was exhausted. I kept thinking she was going to pass away. And everything in my mind was consumed of thoughts about stuff like that.