I am having issues with my boyfriends oldest son: Advice?

I have been there. Unless your BF steps up and teaches his sons some manners and respect… I would leave. If you stay nothing will change and you deserve better treatment.


My opinion if both living together both paying the bills together then both have right to make rules regardless. Ur both helping each other out so both should have say so on each other’s kids. All need to come together talk and free one anothers minds on the subject then take it from there. But to me if both lives together both r paying the bills then both have say so over the kids


Point blank the problem is ur boyfriend!!! Kids try to play the adults against each other. Ur boyfriend needs to stick by u!!! My husband had 3 daughters nd i have 2. There will b no disrespect to me from his md mine will not disrespect him!!!

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The bf needs to step up. Ur doing the right thing by treating them all the same. Maybe the eldest son needs some counseling to learn how to deal with things. The boyfriend needs to stand up to the eldest son and stick up for the gf.

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If you’re bf isn’t making you a wife then he shouldn’t put you in position of mother. He should handle his kids make the punishment ECT. You handle yours.apparently he did not have the same rules and punishments as you did before you came along and expecting the kids to change everything at this point just doesn’t seem right. I’m not saying you should be able to run wild but it seems to me that you expect them to suddenly treat you like a mother and listen to you. I’m not sure how long you have been living together how long has his wife been deceased. It cannot be easy for the kids either especially if they are seeing you and what was their mother’s home


I understand so when he is disrespectful what your now live in bf say after all you all are trying to be a family tell the teen you know you not his mother but you do in fact love him and respect him as a young man and he a hold return the respect and it may work but if dad don’t back you then it maybe time to move on you never know what to Say if bout parents don’t stick together

He lost him mom, doesn’t matter how long ago, a mother plays the nurturing role and at some point he missed out on it. He’s hurting but trying to be strong. Even with a good dad, even with you there he is still missing something.
His social life is probably the stable thing that he’s held onto. By taking away his cell phone and PS you’re taking away his communication with the outside world. His constant. His safe place. Especially with quarantine and everything else that has gone one this year.

I’ve always believed no two kids are alike and no two punishments should be the same. Take my son for instance; he’s 4 so a little different, but with him I can’t get mad when he acts out, I can’t always take things from him, his anger will overwhelm him and we will be stuck in an overwhelming cycle. I literally just need to stop and hug him, and love him. Or sometimes we go outside and run it out to distract it.

I think you should let your husband take over discipline right now, I don’t think that’s what he needs from you. I don’t know what it is that he needs, but it’s not that. Not that you are wrong, but when my son and husband weren’t getting along I took over all disciplinary steps to allow them a chance to bond, and it worked. Teenagers are so much harder to understand though, but I would try just talking to him.

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You all three should handle this together. Just the 3 of you and all listen to each other. If that doesn’t work and you and your bf are solid seek professional help. Child counselors can be the difference in a healthy or unhealthy adult son.

A 15 year old needs to stay in a child’s place.


Sorry to disagree but im old. It is not your place to discipline his children nor his to discipline youres. Causes trouble now and always has


Your boy friend needs to step up and be a father to his kids. He should let them know that you and he rule the home. He should let them know that your discipline is his discipline. He should let them know you are not going anywhere.

Why is your husband not doing anything???


With all due respect-get married or get out. You should be married to the one you live with. If you don’t respect yourself don’t expect the kid to respect you.

No if he is living in the same house as you and his dad you have every right to discipline him. Especially if he’s doing wrong. There are rules and he should follow tres as well

LOVE them pray for them and show them the way wich is Jesus .Jesus says am the way the truth and life no one comes to the father but thru me .

Hi I have grandkids live with was and the oldest one lies a lot when he first moved in so I took his cell phone gaming controls and tv and computer for 30 days and if he can sow me change then he got one thing back at a time it took him almost six months to get everything back, hold your place and by the way dose the boys dad back you? If so stay strong at that age he needs to be a big part of the family not a side kick, my grandson is doing wonderful not just got lost when him mom walked out. Tuff love is the hardest thing with kids stay strong it will pay off


you didn’t mention if your boyfriend is doing any discipline or is it you. I would do it when it is serious and your boyfriend is not around. Also it is important that your boyfriend backs you. Keep in mind that 15 is a hard age and not sure what discipline he got growing up.

His father needs to handle him with a iron hand set the rules and if he doesn’t go with them take away the one thing he cares about the most. Dad needs to man up

The dad needs to do the disciplining, not you. Otherwise it causes way too many issues. It takes 5-7 years to blend families and get over all the “hiccups” and bad feelings.

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If the father does not handle the situation telling his son his place, is not behind you. Allowing disrespect. Leave

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The father should be disciplining them not you


What is his FATHER doing to reprimand his behavior??? If your bf is not doing anything to correct his son’s behavior perhaps reassess your relationship. I dated a guy that would only talk to his kids after I said something to him. Then I started to notice his son in particular would complain and whine about my son and his friends trying to bond or hang out with him so the guy started to tell my son and his friends they needed to basically do their own thing and not bother his son… I asked him to leave MY house without hesitation.

I hear you loud and clear! Teens will be teens! They are selfish people at this age! I urge you to communicate with their dad, he holds the golden coin! I also think you need to lead by example!!! Pick and choose your battles!:heartpulse:

Tough situation and as I was reading thru all posts, I agree with something that was said in all posts. Can be very difficult to discipline someone else’s children. Teenagers can be especially difficult in new relationships

Why don’t you actually try bonding with him instead of just focusing on the negative.

From what it sounds like is ur bf is allowing it cause he isn’t saying anything to the boy then her doesn’t care if that’s the case u need to leave cause it’s only gonna get worse gl

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I went through this and it’s an uphill battle but the only way it works is if the father steps in sets the rules and you enforce them. Unfortunately if he doesn’t it will not stop

His Dad needs to back you up and talk to him!

i made a horrible mistake i got involved with a man who had kids i left him cause his kids although older was causing to much trouble in our lives my opinion i will never date another man that has kids even if there older but like i said my opinion i do not think it would a mattered who he dated his kids did not want there dad with anyone and over over he did nothing about there behavior he let them interfear ,

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Hmmmm. You aren’t his mother or stepmother. I think you need to talk to the dad. Dad needs to set the rules and enforce them.

That is the father’s problem. You prepare yourself when you see if the father takes sides with you or his son.

You need to tell him point blank he is a child and its absolutely non if his business. Its not his home unless hes paying the mortgage and he needs to respect your marriage and respect you as the adult if he can’t he can always leave or you can tell your husband he needs to have a serious talk with his son about respect and his place in your home. I would personally laugh in his face so hard id be laugh crying…lol.

well, you are not married.shacking up so thats one thing right there. He misses his mom and he just wont accept you. hmmm. sticky situation. Do you like this kid? are you prepared to go thru this for years? you have to ask yourself if it is worth it.Also, you are praising YOUR kids, and finding fault with the bf kids. you have issues mamn. serious ones. The child can feel the difference you make in them. Also, are you living in the house his mom lived in? ask yourself the tough questions and maybe get family counseling.

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The big question is if she ask dad to disciple and he doesn’t. All of the kids in the household should get the same consequences for their actions. If she is around the kids the most and has to be the main disciplinarian then he has to back her.

It’s just a stupidity now the kid is telling u get out from house next time more neusense he can do so it’s the correct time to teach him a lesson? Nd even ur bf

Does your bf speak up and tell him to knock it off? If not, he will continue to berate you because its ok.

Did his MOM ever live in that house?


Your boyfriend needs to step up and be a parent.

You should not be reprimanding them. You are not their mother. Their father should do the disciplining. They should treat you with respect however. Their father should demand it from them.

He’s dad should take care of it…unless he wants u out too.

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That’s the father job to teach him and punish him you are going to cause the boy to hate you if you don’t watch want the man of the do nothing

Your bf needs to discipline his children . It will never work if he don’t.

You should talk to your boyfriend it’s his responsibility to talk to his son not yours

I would leave and next time you meet a man dont move in till ya have the ring…then maybe he will be the right one

Dad needs to step up. If he agrees with your rules, and the method of disciplin, he should say so. But that being said, it’s completely natural for him to feel resentful, about you trying to replace his mother, depending on the amount of time she’s been gone. Perhaps therapy might be an option??

You shouldn’t be doing the disciplining when it’s not your biological child. That’s his dads job. It’s clearly causing the child to dislike you.

Kids do not respond well to step parents telling them what to do. How long have u been living there?

Sounds to me like an episode taken directly from the Brady Bunch with updated punishments just to get then15 mins of fame and glory

Hes probably being poisoned by family members about you, I’ve seen it my fair share of times, just ignore him when he starts in on that, I guarentee when he has his first real breakup or gets into some kind of trouble your the one he will run to

Why are you punishing his kids? Why isn’t he? He NEEDS to step up and parent his own kids and you do yours!

This is exactly why I’m single. I refuse to deal with undisciplined children. No thanks.

Your bf had to handle it and tell him in front of you that he does not have the rt to tell you that

Stick to what you believe is right for all kids. Never back down…you are the adult

He has a mother no? He has his dad. He should be deal I g with this not you

Your boyfriend and you need to present a united front when it comes to raising children, your boyfriend should’ve immediately address the issue the moment he said, or the moment he found out about it, that’s totally unacceptable. I would personally until you decide how you want to proceed, I would start saving and looking for your own place. It’s not a good place to be, and you could get your own place and still date, but not live together until that situation is under control, a little boy told his stepmother that, and ended up poisoning her with arsenic, and his friends told on him as she was sicker, and they got scared and told, not saying it will happen in your situation but I would rather live in peace rather than the drama

Your his girlfriend you shouldn’t correct his kids not
Your job

Well if they are that old I would only be a Mentor in their lives and let their father discipline them.

I think dad sould take his sons feelings seriously. He shouldnt have to live in a home where he is uncomfortable or unhappy. If my child came to me like that my kids are number 1 so bye :+1:

move on…protect your kids…if you ignore the kid…your kids are next to get picked on…

Is your boyfriend backing you up on this discipline?

You’re not their mom. It’s up to your BF to discipline his own kids.

If bf can’t control his son then it’s time to go. No one deserves abuse in any fashion.

His father needs to teach him respect. Why his father puts you in between each other is beyond me. I’d dump his ass.

The dad needs to get hold of him and lay some rules dwn!

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Sounds like you’re the outsider here. For everyone’s peace of mind, move out now!!!

The father needs to step up…

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Every single therapist and psychologist will say when blending two families together especially unmarried ones you have no right to punish his child that should be left up to him and he has no right to punish your child that is left up to you for at least 3 years. After that time is come and you can come together with appropriate punishments for all of your children then you co-parent. You haven’t even been in their house over a year you have zero rights to to punish his children. my ex wasn’t allowed to punish my kids at all he would tell me what they did wrong and I would deal with it when I got home.


Let your boyfriend disciple his children. It’s not your place

“I” would end this relationship! Your boys need you! You can be in a relationship in years to come!!!

Well, since you and dad are the adults…

Treat him with lots of love, he will hate it

Dad needs to step.in

The father needs to handle it

Be careful with that kid. He could turn on u or ur kids.

Your bf needs to grow a pair and be a parent.

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Ask him to prove you wrong. Tell him you can’t trust him but you want him to prove to you that you can.

Move out and raise your children

Leave and live with your own kids

Time for Dad to step in.

His dad needs to put him in his place for sure.

Leave their discipline to their father.

Not your kids, not your job.

Move out. Not worth the aggravation…lol

Ummm whats dad say, that’s the real question

Isn’t that his problem . Why you staying with him? MYOB

THIS IS FOR LAUGHS Shit marry his dad and then send him off to military school like any normal step parent :joy::joy::joy: (again for laughs. Disclaimer:I do not think that real step parents do this or is it actual advice)

Move and you will be much happier.

You honestly cannot discipline him, his father is his parent and you’re just some woman who moved in with her kids. It’s his home, let his dad handle discipline and you should try to get to know him instead. You cannot become an authority figure if you haven’t earned his respect. You’re not even his step mom, learn your place


I agree and if you want to enforce punishment make it that if one person messes up everyone is punished not just one. That way you’re not signalling out one all the time

I lost brain cells trying to decipher this🥴

The boy probably just wishes he had his own mother back instead of “his dad’s gf”. Tell your bf how you feel about it and how hurt you are. If he doesn’t do anything, leave. Do you try to hang out with his kids? Do anything special for them? Bond with them? No? Then I can’t blame him for wanting the evil “step-mom” gone if all you do is take their things away.

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Maybe leave the discipline to your boyfriend. If I brought someone home to my house and they started telling my kids what to do straight off the bat, they would want them gone too.
You need to take a step back.


Let your boyfriend do that if he doesn’t take a walk because your kids are gonna pay for it

You and his dad must present a united front. If dad isn’t willing to back you up, perhaps ya need to rethink things.

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Talk with your br. Perhaps you can have the same rules and punishment for all the kids. But he should dole out the punishment to his kids and you to your kids. Also some group counseling might help. Since you are not married his son may feel you are overstepping.

She said the dad is a widower, that means that the mom is dead

I would pack up and leave… if you have bought things for the house, BF, kids,etc take it with you and any money you two have combined.

Easy fix— move out, quit shacking up.

There is a lot of additional information needed…like how long since their mother passed away, how long have you been a couple, how long have you all. lived together. The boys behavior could be based off of how much time has passed for each thing. Also is the father on board with the punishments that you are doing with his children. You didn’t say one way or another on how he feels about this.

They are probably hurting just as your children are from the loss of a parent. It sounds odd but be their friend before you be their parent. Their dad is their parent. You need to earn that position with them. Spend some one on one time with them. Figure out why they feel the way they feel. Sounds like you all need to get on the same page. Taking things away does not solve the problem. What solves the problem is discovering where the problem is starting and what needs to happen to fix it. If you want your relationship to work with your boyfriend, you need to make it work with his children as well

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Get a new bf, he can get a new gf. But he cannot replace his kids and it sounds like ur making them unhappy. They don’t like you so let them be.

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