I am having major relationship issues: Advice?

I could really use some advice. My husband and I have been together 11 years, married 5. We have three children. Neither of us has any family and friends, but his family would surely take him back in if he just got rid of me. They hate me because I refuse to put up with their nonstop drama. My husband is a lot like all of them. To be quite honest, every single one of them acts exactly the same. So here’s my problem. I have been going through some serious emotions lately about my marriage. My husband asked me what was bothering me last night, and I told him. Our marriage has lost every bit of its spark, and I’m just not feeling very interested in him anymore. I didn’t tell him this to hurt him. I feel like relationships don’t work if you’re not honest with each other about what’s really going on and work together to fix it. Things are, he just flipped it all on me per usual and then kept taking little cheap shots until I got tired of it and got mad. When he finally managed to push me to that point, he decided he was just going to bed—also, something he always does when something is bothering me. We don’t talk at all unless it’s about how his day at work was or how the kids have acted all day. We have sex maybe once a month, and even then, it’s over in 5 seconds, and he’s the only one ever being satisfied. We don’t cuddle or anything. Like it’s all just gone, and I can’t stand it anymore. I used to give so much. This man would come home to a warm plate of food well after midnight and so much more. But he hurt me; he broke me, he crushed my soul. Nothing I ever did for him was good enough. He just took until I had nothing left to give. I can’t even tell what’s normal anymore and what’s absolutely unacceptable. After our fight last night, he hasn’t spoken to me all day. This could go on for days, weeks, or even months. It’s something else he makes a habit of doing. It’s mental abuse at it’s finest, but I’m honestly not even sure he knows that. I wish I could tell you everything, so you have all the pieces. I don’t have anywhere to go, I don’t have anyone I can reach out to, I’m a stay at home mom and I never even leave the house. There are no shelters in my area, and the closest one shut down last year. Everything I had is gone, and I feel like I am losing my mind. I don’t know what to do anymore. Any advice you can give that would help my cause would be wonderful. I don’t ever see a cent of his paycheck, so I can’t save money either. I’ve tried so hard to find a sitter so I can get a job, but this town is so small and so full of dope heads. I feel so stuck!

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Tell him you’re getting a job and you guys will just have to go halves on daycare. You can’t leave unless you’re financially independent.

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you are really in an abusive relationship. the fact that he made you entirely dependent on him that is a red flag of an abuser. He isolates you and make you feel miserable and trapped and hopeless. You are not crazy, you are being victimized and abuse. Is there any group near you that you can call so they can really assist you step by step so you can finally gain back your freedom from him? Abuse is not only when you are being beaten and being physically bleeding. Dont wait for that to happen. Search google for someone who can help you.

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It’s called marriage counseling… Go to it and stop getting your advice from bitter washed up women who hate men. Go see a professional.

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You really need to try and get out more and if you truly deep down inside love your husband and want to try one last time to make it work, you two need to reconnect somehow whether it be date nights, game nights, and def. Need to learn how to communicate better so that both of your needs are met.

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Find a daycare center there’s one in every city. Find a job,save your money, disregard his silent treatment, then leave. Life is not a big party that you weren’t invited to… get out of your situation unless your handicap or something then I can’t help.

If you don’t stop telling me my story. I feel your pain lady, I know this all to well. Pray to God to help remove that misery from him as well as you, because I’m sure he’s not happy either, he’s just too selfish to walk away like a man and encourage you to find your own peace. If you don’t have any family or friends that you can reach out to try local churches or your local dept of human services… maybe they can help you. I stayed so long because I had no where to go or any support from family and friends. You may not want to but find out about income based housing. Try cooking or baking maybe that’ll get you money towards moving on. Use that income towards proof of income for low income housing. Starting over can be scary especially if you don’t know your future… you don’t know where you’ll go how you’ll furnish it or anything. But I’m here to tell you the first night you are in your own space you’ll sleep so good, even if it’s on the floor it’ll be better than sleeping in a cold bed next to an even colder person. Sorry for the novel…I’ll be praying for you

Can you get help from Centrelink or government/ housing and just move to another place. If he loves you he will fight to get you back. He seems controlling and that isn’t a happy marriage if one sided only. Where there’s a will there’s always away

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Go to centrelink and ask to see a social worker. They can help with temporary accommodation up to a week. They can also help you apply for payments and get in contact with a counsellor.

Maybe after a week of you and your kids being away he will change his views…

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Just wondering why you don’t have family and friends. They’re the one should help you baby sitting the kids so you can go to work. Do you have a caregiver in Your area. Feel free to private message me. I’m hoping and praying that you two will work things out.

If you’re asking for advice to keep the marriage going, I would maybe try changing yourself. I know it sounds awful and uncomfortable and it’s really not fair. But I would try to be the change you’re wanting to see. Try to have a soft heart with him and see if that makes anything better. If you’re truly wanting to save your marriage, you can.

If you’re asking for advice on a shelter or monetary help, I would call your local PD and they should have info on the closest shelter and can refer you to the township trustees, who can help you get on your feet.

Best of luck to you.

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Where are you located??? I work for a domestic violence shelter. Private message me if I can be any assistance to you :purple_heart:

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You need to work out how to leave. He has you trapped and is putting you through mental, emotional and financial abuse. It will keep going until you finally make that decision to get out. You can spend your whole life giving and giving and giving but with a man like this it’s impossible to get through to them and you end up figuratively banging your head against a wall and waste years of your life trying to make them happy when nothing ever will and you will lose yourself as a person and as a mother eventually. There comes a point when you have to say enough is enough and find a way out.

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Whr is ur family? U dnt have any friends at all?..Call a shelter and if u can arrange it get urself kids included as far as u can!!

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I would definitely look up a domestic abuse hotline for your area.

Meditate! Daily or better 3 times a day. Self heal. Vision the life you deserve. You’ll be okay.

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I am going some thing similar not the same but very close so if you need to chat Pv me

Since I only have your side of things and it sounds like you are still in the process of trying to save your marriage, I won’t tell you to leave. What I can tell you is you can only change YOU, not him. I’d start by taking some classes and getting a job at least per diem or part time since you have the kids. what you can try to do to salvage your marriage is change your roles, not the marriage. Once he sees you gain a little independence, he will either shape up or you ship out. Either way, take everything you said and work on yourself and focus on only you. If he doesn’t speak to you, remain cordial and don’t feed into his drama. Instead go online and look for online classes. Get yourself situated financially to leave in case you actually do. The fact that you stated his family will take him back in a heartbeat if he got rid of you is a conversation you two need to have when things are calm. I would get a therapist for myself (which I have) and then go with him to therapy. Always remember when discussing things, listen to what he is saying without interrupting. No mater how wrong he may be, it is his truth and you can dig deeper if he feels you are listening. There’s a reason you two are still together and before you talk to him about it (again) i’d work on improving myself. No one can make you outwardly angry, you have to allow them to get you to that point. Take control back and save your peace of mind.

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Think of the kids and for THEM give it ONE more try. Be sure you let him know you’re to the point of divorce. Perhaps write him a long letter. See how he reacts. If he knows divorce is pending, perhaps he’ll agree to TRY to fix it rather than just shutting down n going to bed. Lots of men have issues expressing themselves. There is always some spark gone. BOTH of you have to work on that- make a date night once a week - no sitter…than it starts after bedtime. Begin to make friends w neighbors or at a church…can always take kids to church w ya. Good Luck. Divorce is HARD…EVEN HARDER ON KIDS!

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Not sure if you’re aware of this but you’re in an abusive relationship. Don’t listen to the people that say pray or worry about other people. You matter.!! Your children matter. Right now… today!!! You don’t need to put up with abuse one more day. I’m going to imagine this guy also doesn’t do well with money which makes you even more stuck. Unfortunately you’re only way out is to get a job. Get one opposite of his shift if he’s not abusing the kids too. Otherwise get one while they sleep. There’s no easy way. Either decide to put up with it or fight your way out the right way which is become more independent. Once you’re out you’ll have more options because of county assistance.

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Pray for him. Study the Bible daily. Look within yourself, see what you can do differently to rebuild the love for him. Keep praying for him and for yourself. Two wrongs don’t make a right but one right mixed with prayer (God) can fix two wrongs. If you guys had that love “spark” before, you can have it again.

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I haven’t read all the comments but some of them are really great. I can tell you that I have been with the same man for 12 years. We have had relationship trouble like this and more. For almost 10 years I refused to marry him and still haven’t but that’s a different topic. We have also had alot of people against our relationship. My parents are gone and his family has always been estranged. Almost 2 years ago he went into cardiac arrest, died 6 times, was in a coma in ICU and the hospital was telling me he was going to be brain dead. There was so many times he had hurt me so bad that I would actually wish something like this would happen :disappointed_relieved::woman_facepalming: When it was happening I wished more than ever that it wasn’t!! He survived, no brain damage and needed a ICD defibrillator placed in his heart at the age of 42. When he woke up from his coma, I asked him if he still wanted to marry me and he nodded yes :heart_eyes: we still are having these type of issues but we both realized today that we both need to heal each of our childhood wounds, trauma ect for each of us to grow individually, as a couple and as parents. I think it’s a personal decision that there is no right or wrong in your decision as long as it’s the decision that you feel best about. I wish I could give better advice. My heart is with you.

I’ve been there twice. They don’t change unless THEY genuinely recognize it and THEY want to change. It’s so miserable. Only advice I have is pray, suggest counseling or even have him pick up a relationship book, pray some more, and if that doesn’t work, then leave.

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If you are waiting for him to change he won’t. It sounds like you both have mentally and emotionally checked out of the marriage. He may not be physically abusive, but emotional abuse is every bit as bad, if not worse. You need to find someone who can help you get out. Do you have a friend or neighbor who could help you? A counselor you could talk to? If there’s not a shelter in your town, find out where the closest one is. It’s going to be hard to make the break, but you deserve better. You will find out you are much stronger than you think and once away from him it will be like a huge weight has been lifted. Good luck and don’t forget you deserve to be happy.

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Well, been there on my previous marriage, my heart really goes to you…I know first hand how this is. Thankful we both didn’t want kids, that makes it harder, ok if I wasn’t a religious person even back then I’d tell you to stick thru it but knowing what I have now with my husband. I’d say get help from friends, you and your children deserve better, an now if you go to church and he will do counceling then give your marriage a second chance. Make a point as I’d think you pastor would tell you, to date again and really both try, but if you can’t get him to and not a religious person(s), etc. Then yes, time to call it quits, because if he’s anything like my ex. It’s time to quit, hug, praying for you and your family. This is a hard time too, dang it lady, best of luck!

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My mother told me when your having a problem with everyone you need to look at yourself everyone cant be wrong and your only one right Your isolated without friends and family that is not healthy. His emotional abuse could be his best attempt at surviving. You both appear to need mental health support. Him being only person in your life isnt healthy for either of you. You need help together and separate. Your statement was about everyone’s failings and none yours in this life it is not often we are innocent victims so you need to work on healing yourself than healing each other. In my opinion.

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You’re not stuck. There are plenty of places you can go. All you need to do is call DSHS and tell them you’re in an abusive relationship and they will find a safe haven for you. Right everything down. Looks, words he says, things he does and Screenshot. I planned my escape for a YEAR before I was finally ready to actually leave and I wish I had done it sooner. I felt like if I made the wrong move too soon it would be detrimental. Started hoarding little bits of money. Making sure I had the bare minimum to move when the time came. Consolidated and planned. But I wish I had just gone to a safe haven. That last year was brutal.

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What astounds me is that in this day in age…after the countless stories that have turned tragic after hearing about years of abuse and stories similar to this, what astounds me is there are still those who feel that it’s the womans responsibility to stay and fix herself for the good of the marriage!? When did the female empowerment pendulum start to swing back the other way?!
I sincerely hope that the woman who submitted this post finds her strength to leave and also reclaims her life.

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Sweetie you just wrote my story. What’s funny is I knew I should have left YEARS ago and he finally left and my kids are so much happier and I am scared shitless of starting over again but I know I will be stronger for it and a better person and happier in the end! My advice to you is to run and don’t look back you and I both deserve happiness and to be treated like the queen that we are!

I didn’t say we have been together for nearly 20 years. When I met him, he was an active alcoholic and addict and I got him into a 1 year free live in program and he had 17 years clean until a year ago, he suddenly relapsed wirh alcohol. I had never seen him as an alcoholic and he’s a completely different person. I carried this man and my family for the entire relationship financially and as soon as I lost my job, he was out. The emotional and physical abuse also is gone. I know I deserve better and will find the right man one day. I’m so sad about so many wasted years! Don’t make the same mistake I did!

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Sweetie, I just went through the same thing. Private message me if you would like to talk. I can tell you how I finally was able to leave after being 100% dependent on my spouse. He has alienated me from my family and friends for 10ish years. When I left I had no money, he literally closed our bank account and drained all the money out, I really had no where to go (I went back to the area I was raised and stayed with a friend then I stayed with family then with friends until I got on my feet). I couldn’t stay where we lived because I could never make it completely alone. :kissing_heart: It was amazing how my friends from school and my family really stepped up. Sometimes you just have to reach out and ask for a little help.

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If you file for a divorce the right way, and you can find places that will help you especially since there’s mental/emotional abuse going on, he will have to pay child support and possibly spousal maintenance. You should call around to some domestic violence hotlines so they can put you in touch with free resources and legal assistance. There are private safe homes and shelters out there. https://www.thehotline.org/

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I agree, get out ASAP. Life isn’t a dress rehearsal…its the real deal and you get only one. I’d call shelters while he’s at work and I’m sure they could guide you. You are so brave for sharing. YOU DESERVE BETTER…YOU CAN DO THIS!! If you would like me to help you get some numbers send me a PM and I’d be glad to do what I can for you. God bless sweetie. :pray::heart::muscle:

Find a way to hustle some $$$ while he’s at work, save every penny quietly. When you go shopping, ask for $20 cash back little by little. Find someone you can stay with and get the hell out. You could just drain the bank account too if you have access. Shut your phone off and don’t look back.

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Trust me you are not stuck.There’s always a way out.You can do something from home,a night job when he’s back in the evening or try save up the cash he gives.Or maybe even take a broad step of Faith and walk out.There will be help waiting for you at the other side.Don’t allow someone to suck your energy out and drive you into depression.You deserve to be happy and only you got the key to your happiness.

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Everyone on bere is giving good advice. Be careful he doesn’t start getting physical with you or the kids.

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What about working in the evening? That way he’s home to watch the kids. I’ve worked nights for over 10yrs. Plus it gives you time away to miss each other. Marriage is tough and many ups and downs. If both parties are on board to work through it then you’ll get past this rough patch.

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Hide yourself and your children asap. Be very careful. Act like every thing is ok until then. Don’t tell anyone, not even the kids.
I would call the non emergency phone number to the police station, and talk to one of the dispatchers about any help they can provide you to get you out safely. Or any emergency room might know someone who can help… Don’t be afraid and know all of us here are praying for you.

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Sounds exactly like what I just got out of and heroin was involved and I’m also convinced he’s a narcissist. Please seek help look for resources especially because you have no one and that’s a narcissist best weapon. :pray::pensive:

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Im not trying to be negative but something sounds off. Neither one of you don’t have any friends. You don’t get along with his family. It’s like you both are secluded to each other. No one else. You put all the blame on him and his family. Your not taking any responsibility for your actions. We are NOT perfect. We can easily/always see the faults in everyone else but not in ourselves. There may be something you could be doing to make him act this way. No one can honestly give you advice without knowing both sides. The best thing to do is PRAY. I’ve learned in my 25 years of marriage when things start to get bad I pray that God will show me what I’m doing wrong and to be a better wife and understanding to my husband and in return he will receive that love that I have for him and he loves me even more for that. So just pray for your husband lift him up in prayer daily and encourage him all the time in everything that he does men like to Feel appreciated. Words of affirmation. In return just watch and see how his love and attitude will start changing towards you.

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Oh, sweetheart, without having any more details or history to go on other than your post, I would venture to feel like you may be dealing with a narcissist. I could be wrong - and I’m only basing that opinion based on the “language/wordage” you used in describing your relationship. I would suggest to google “living with a narcissist” and see if any of the info provided hits home for you. XOXO

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People aren’t going to like me but leave him. I went through something similar. Actually mine was worse but still similar. If you leave and he wants it to work he will apologize and make an effort. If he asks you back but doesn’t apologize and acts like he didn’t do anything wrong file for separation. My situation never got better and I stayed too long. It’s years of my life that I couldn’t take back. What’s worse is I let my kids see him be verbally and emotionally abusive towards me. I pray that God can make up for what I made my children go through to stay with that man.

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Sounds like a major narcissist to me. You will never matter, it’s always about them. Zero ability to Love or care for anyone else. They know how to pretend and make it seem like you’re the crazy one.

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The biggest and most painful mistake upon having children is not taking the time to rediscover each other. So much time is spent working and being a parent and paying those bills, that often couples drift apart if they aren’t constantly finding subtle ways to keep that spark. Pray your heart out, do your part and more, and leave it up to God.

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Not giving you money is the control part.
Sadly, if you leave he will probably take you to court to get the kids. Narcissistic tendencies.

Girl it was hell living with mine

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Leave now. Go to the shelter that isnt close the space may help. Trust me its only going to get worse. Your depression and feelings of hopelessness will get worse as well! You have to suck it up and rough it out until you get on your feet. The shelter will help with counseling childcare and job search. Get out while you still have some of your sanity and some of your life left.

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I went through something similar, but I had family to help me when I final left. There was mental and physical abuse. I would definitely try to find a job online you can do at home. If you do find an out look for low income housing, file for child support, and take the kids a town or two away ( not too far). You need a fresh start.

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If he an narsisist they don’t believe in counseling if you have a debit card take a little bit of money each week where he doesn’t notice and put it a safe place do you have a church family? Call the national abuse hotline wen he’s not home or go to the nearest firehouse these are all safe places

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I feel your pain dear poster. Good thing you spoke up. Using myself as an example. Staying home with kids for me wasn’t fulfilling. Why don’t you first try apply for flexible jobs, working night shifts when your husband is home, or just weekends? Maybe you just might get support from total strangers and this will go a long way in boosting your self confidence. Unfortunately there is absolutely nothing you can do about your husband than what you do at the moment. I pray God’s strength finds you.

I wish I knew who wrote this, because a plan needs to be made that fits your situation and needs, every situation is different. I been through this, so I know all to well how it feels

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Try to get a job at a daycare or YMCA childcare program that you may be able to take your kids to.

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35 years ago I was in the same boat as you , I was lucky my husband died of an aneurism when he was 42, I was 33 , the day before my 34th birthday. He made a lot more money than I did , I left when my son was 2 but then had to go back because we had 2 cars and one of them was in his name and the other one was repossessed why I left, I never saw a penny of his check,we lived on my small paycheck, I am ashamed to say that I told his mom when he died that God did me a favor, I thought I could change him and kept trying but he brought me down mall the time , our son is 40 now, he died when our son had just turned 6 , I never remarried , I have never trusted anyone after that I. Sorry you have 3 children to care off I only had one a d it’s was difficult

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Hi, I know you only told us pieces of what really goes by and I know that you know in your heart you have to leave. I can tell you’ve been going through so much more than just emotional/mental abuse. One of the problems is most people would advise you, “work it out” or make you feel stuck. You are not stuck, the only thing that has no solution is death. Your situation maybe difficult to get help because it’s a small town but I would look online and find resources near to get out of that situation. Don’t ever stay with someone who breaks you down to your soul. I know he said mean things that almost makes you wanna give up on life but that’s also domestic violence. No woman should have to stay with a man who doesn’t love you, care for you, doesn’t even give you money, and whom you have your life for. He isolated you for a reason. If you don’t leave you know what’s gonna happen next? He’s gonna turn that emotional abuse to physical and please don’t stay. Many women will report their abusers who beat them up! Like literally face and lips busted, sexually assaulted, broken arm and such and when the guys go to jail they wanna drop charges-don’t be that person because after that there’s only two places you’ll end up in - hospital or death. Look for a safe way out and do whatever you have to, to get a divorce and protect you and your kids. But staying with him after he wants to degrade you is not what you need to do. You can’t fix a marriage with someone who doesn’t respect you.

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My heart feels for you! Mostly cause I know how it feels to have been isolated by not having any family around after i moved to a small town. It’s been hard making friends here because I’m an “outsider” in a very close knitted small town in Washington state. But the few I’ve made will literally give the shirts off their back and the food off their plate. If I had the room I’d gladly invite you to live with my family and i while booking you a plane ticket to me. A mother/woman needs to have at least 1 friend who would do anything for them and I wish i could for you. I pray you find a way to leave and get on your feet on your own. Its never a happy ending staying in a relationship you no longer want to be in. Stay strong and look for any safe opportunities to get out when you can mama.

Maybe you should be more concerned with the dope heads in your town!! JS some of us have buried our kids to dope and look at you like maybe your just judgmental and should grow a back bone,its 2020,Single parents making it work everyday!! Your no different your just teaching your children to depend on someone else and to be unhappy

He is a narc. They will never change and you have to get away. Save money up, go to DSS, you have to get away bc it will only get worse in time. They cheat and cheat and think they’re so great and do so much but they really don’t. No empathy, no emotions, nothing. You’re wasting your years, get out ASAP. Don’t engage and yell bc they like that. Start researching and you will find so much. Good luck to you.

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Firstly take responsibility for marrying some one like this. Secondly for giving to the point of being crushed. Now stop and assert your self. Say no to sex when you dont want it. Tell him you want a house hold allowance and insist. Sit down and work out what you want and what you need to spend it on. You can find childcare and you must insist your husband play a part in this. Get a job, make some friends, find some adult education classes. Open your own bank account. Time to take charge of your own life. X

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Sounds like something I could have written at the end of my 10 year + kid relationship. Idon’t even want to get married anymore. It ruined it.

Look up narcissistic and gaslighting - not speaking to you is def gaslighting. It is hard enough to change ourselves when we want to. We can not change someone else - they have to want it and do the hard work.

You could start with mothers day out. I do not know how old your kids are, but that would get you out if the house to possibly look for a job. That is if he will let you have one. Don’t be too picky. Don’t be afraid to be a burger slinger once he gets home you can go to work. Get you a separate banking account and start saving. Do everything you can you try and same the marriage. Counseling, churches have it free of charge. Try to work it out while you are saving money. Then if or when you leave, you know you did everything in your power to work it out.

Seems like what my aunt ended up with, she’s been in a dead marriage for years and is now 60 and still trapped in that same dead coexistence with her husband. My advice would be to reach out to social services and start getting things in order to leave. If you’re feeling all of these things, your children are experiencing them also. You can leave, it is possible even if it doesn’t seem like it right now. You’ve got this momma.

Is there a women’s resource center in your area that you could look into helping you be more independent? Or a similar foundation?

This sounds like an abusive controlling relationship. I am no expert ! Have you tried everything even marriage counseling? If you have done everything in your power to make your marriage work you can walk out knowing you have done everything possible. Hold your head up high and walk out that door. There will always be someone there to catch you !

In moments like this I wish I knew who posted this… I had something similar except I never loved my husband… I was forced into it… (wont get into all that now)… one day I packed up my mini van and a trailer with everything my kids owned and blanket, and a little electrical heater and extension cord… I drove my kids to another town as far away as I could get I then filed for divorce and public assistance… located a shelter in that area and once I had everything worked out I had a home for my kids, I was taking classes at the local college and I was free from a horrible marriage

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Have you heard of narcissistic abuse? Watch Kris Godinez, thrive after abuse, inner integration, Richard Grannon, Lisa a Romano, self care haven on YT. Sounds like he has many traits of narcissistic personality disorder. He will never change and neither will his family. Good luck.

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Naww sorry to hear, it sounds like yous have both lost your love for each other and bearly holding onto what was. Ask yourself and weigh out the pros and cons. If you see the same repetitive cycle and nothing improves, it’s time to move on.

Do what i did? Still his money when he gets paid abd hide it? So you can save it till you have enough to leave his ass? Take your kids to the biggest town so you can get help so you can work

Get out and never turn back!

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You’ve been married for 11 years. Have you ever worked during your marriage? If not, check into maintenance…aka alimony. Sell some items on ebay. Do whatever it takes to make some $$$$. He won’t change, they never do. You deserve to be happy. Your kids deserve a happy Mommy. Run and don’t look back.

Sorry you are going thru your hell. Have been there. Try a shelter near you. You need to leave!!!

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Omg! You need out. Sorry you only get one life dont waste it

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Tough situation your gonna have to pull yourself together hun you have to survive not only for yourself but for your kids. Contact your family see if they can help out go to defacs and speak to them im sure there are ways. As for your husband he is probably butt hurt because u were pretty much telling him your not interested in him anymore ofcourse he is going to be upset wouldn’t you ?! If he doesn’t do anything to try to fix yalls marriage after telling him that then maybe you should boot up and file divorce besides you can file for alimony since he is the only one for who is providing for you and your kids you can also file.child support

Apply for government paid childcare so you can take the kids to daycare and get a job. It’ll result in 1 of 2 things. Time away from the house and him will help your marriage, or you’ll have the funds to move out and move on. You have to look into all your resources. You have options.

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I’m sure you can find someone reliable to watch your kids. Get a job, save up and get out. You deserve better.

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First of all what is wrong with woman these days, having babies with men that dont even give them a dime. I believe the problem is you, you liked that life and know you are realizing is a miserable life. Well i hope you realize they are his children aswell and you dont have to worry of paying for a babysitter all by yourself. Its just hard to believe you dont have any savings what the heck you just wasted 11 year of your life with someone who dosent value you at all. And what angers me the most you let it happen from the beginning.

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Contact the YWCA they are quite helpful.

Make sure you get a job and get yourself independent first.

Damn… sounds exactly just like my marriage to a T… sad… but true…

For better or worse. This is the worse. :woman_shrugging: you swore you’d never do this remember?

I don’t know how I ended up here…

Be cautious of fa jissan advise. Doesn’t seem legit.

Sweety this will sound stupid but I been through this and more in my 42 yr marriage. You are looking at your husband’s faults more then his positives.And in my marriage I had to fix me first and formost.Your already leaving him in your mind.If you want your marriage to work you have to stop saying negative things to him,I think your not trying hard enough to change your stinking thinkin.One thought at a time,one word at a time.Try being more loving,more kind even if hes being his worst.You have to do what Michael Jackson sang about,Start with the man in the mirror.This works I’ve done it,I now have the sweetest most thoughtful loving kind husband.But I had to stop the me and focus on the he.Read the song of Solomon in the bible,it truly helps.Im praying your marriage is better each day.This is how me and God saved mine

You can get out. Call 211 or your local police or any church. Ask for help and use your voice i need out of this town and into a shelter. One of the three will help.
Mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. Speaking from experience.

Personally I’d file for divorce, during the divorce ask for child support. I’ve got 2 children with an alcoholic drunk sperm donor that I’ve dealt with for 20 yrs. Thank God I never married him, but he has emotionally, mentally, verbally traumatized myself as well as my kids. He is a narcissistic bastard that I’m finally trying to put myself together and get away from him forever. I’ve lost so much stuff that was important to me, but mostly I’ve lost respect for myself. I know not having support, it sucks. I’ve been in behavior health and on medication for yrs, they were my only out, just to talk to someone. I lost my friends. And most importantly I lost custody if my 3rd son because I thought oh he will change, but no… it never happened. All my kids r grown now, but I hate the fact that they have seen my rage, my crying, my hurt, my anxiety, my PTSD, they way I take care of myself, the depression is real. I’d leave and never turn back. I not only lost myself trying to fix others, I lost alot of communication with my children, I knew they were hurting, I just didnt know how to fix it. The damage is already done. I just hope that u r able to find resources to help you. Here is housing assistance 5203474500, get on the list. Call a behavior health clinic Ask about a place called Emerge, see if they have any knowledge of that. I do live in Az now, but am moving to Nevada soon, to get away from this prison. You can DM me anytime or wrote me on here. Hope I was a lil bit of help. Stay safe.

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I don’t know about not changing, see when my husband I got married my kids were already adults. However his weren’t and they were living with him. They were teens the oldest gave me lots of crap and hubby wouldn’t put his foot down. Finally I just had it and one day while he was at work his son text him lies when in fact I told him he wasn’t allowed to drive my car if he couldn’t show respect to me. Hubby called to yell at me and tell me if I yelled at his boys i could leave. I told him you know what you never have to worry about it again he asked what that meant. I said first off I never raised my voice secondly I kept telling you to buy cameras and put them in the house. You didn’t, you should have called and asked what happened you didn’t, well i am leaving. Hung up started throwing stuff in my car he comes flying up took off from work. Started pulling stuff out begging me not to leave. Told him I am tired of all of it. It took awhile but he did start to change however he said he wanted to catch how his son was acting and started to really watch once he opened his eyes he saw it, made his boy go into the military he gets out needs a place to stay with his wife they come here and both being disrespectful to me, i again told him I want you to get video cameras. Because i had major back surgery and really couldn’t do anything both of them didn’t realize my husband was leaving work early came home to them being disrespectful he told them you both need to leave. It was her that said to have you both here and not charge you, it’s her who took from her check to pay your bills. He said I walk in and you both telling her she isn’t allowed to hold or look at your baby he said you need to leave. They left. Sometimes don’t get me wrong i think he pms and becomes a jerk other than that though he is now nice, helpful, thoughtful etc. The weekends are my day off during the week no matter what time he has to be up for work right now is not even 1 am i get up make his lunch bag and walk him he always says you don’t have to get i am capable which he is but I like to see him off. He always go back to bed. Usually don’t though. I work my day at my job weekends we both have off because he is an early riser he leaves me to sleep and most of those weekend morning i come out he has breakfast made and waiting for me. Weekends we cook and eat together they can change if they want to

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Find a job. Then it will somehow work out. Trust

U need to get out . im sorry

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Am very happy to get my lover back after 3 years of broken up, it was not ease with me and my kids but since i contacted Dr oboh my lover came back to me without no delay. contact Dr oboh if you want your lover back or ex back home in peace and joy via dr [email protected] or whatapp on +2348143147936

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Look up Shelter, Inc and STAND!. Both are in Contra Costa County but will likely know of resources here in Alameda County. Good luck.

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Any form and abuse and neglect is ok. But I want to say one thing.

Love is not just a feeling. Love is a choice you have to make every single day.

Once again only giving every excuse of why you can’t leave rather than leave…why put up with it for this long? We know when things are starting to get bad, so that’s the time to start preparing.

Keep looking for a way to get out. Until you find it,take care of yourself. Find a hobby to get things off your mind; exercise to help you cope and look for online classes to prepare you to become more marketable to join the workforce. You will struggle if you cannot find a decent job to support yourself and your kids.

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Same thing I’m going through

Leave! Take the kids and leave. I can’t help you as in where to go but you definitely need to leave.

I know what you are going through my husband of 13 years decided two weeks before Thanksgiving he didnt want to to be married anymore i never saw it coming but now that we are apart iam starting to see things that he was doing then and never paid attention to them till now it is a real hard pill to swallow to be thrown away like a bag of garbage but he was the one those two weeks. Would tell me its none of my business where he was going stopped talking and stopped sleeping with me. It has been so devastating for our grown kids and our grandchildren but to this day he says this whole thing is all my fault i was the one who worked two jobs to make ends meet and he was home on social security

I can really identify with where you are in your Spirit and how empty and hopeless you feel. Your telling your hubby how you feel takes a lot of courage and I am sure he feels upset and sad because really sometimes men can be so naive that they can’t see the forest for the trees. Perhaps you need to think about counseling where there is a mediator to keep you both on track with issues of concern. If he won’t go then you go anyway for yourself so you become stronger and recognize your value and worth. Your minister or priest is a good place to start. A support group is also a good thing to be a part of. As far as ending your relationship if that is what you decide to do, then there are tons of resources to guide you and help you.
There is always a way to address your problems and one way is to pray for guidance. People will help you. Just ask. Your placing this request on Facebook is also a way to get advice but remember you ultimately make the decisions that are best for you and don’t go off half cocked before you weigh all your options and get counselling. May your footsteps forward be blessed and guided. Sincerely

This is a very common story in cases of abuse. I would ask about the reason your family is absent. I say this because I know most abusers will try to separate their victims from their support system so they are entirely dependent on them. Oftentimes in these cases, it feels to the victim like they can’t go back and ask for help, but their family would love to have them back. If your family is absent for other reasons, there’s an abuse hotline you can call that will listen to all of the specifics of your case, and be better able to help you decide where to go from here, and help you get resources in your area to do so if you need them.

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Look up narcissistic personality disorder and all things that go with it. A lot of this is abuse (it doesn’t have to be physical) then figure out exactly what you want and need and what you both can change and how you each contribute to the situation and sit down and rationally discuss it with him and see if he is willing to hear you and try. If he just gets upset and turns it all on you then it’s probably time to leave. He sounds like he wants to control everything and punishing you for having wants and feeling is never ok. But you have to talk and see if it can change and if not you need to get out of that situation because it will only get worse.

When you said you were not interested in him that might of hurt him and caused him to fire back not saying it’s right but best to avoid you in arguments and council couple and individual

I’m sorry you’re going through this. This sounds exactly like my last relationship and it only gets worse. All I can tell you is to look up narcissistic abuse and the counter measures because he sounds like a classic. Good luck, mama. Praying for you