I am in charge of taking my husband and his grown son to work...advice?

So I’ve been feeling stressed and my anxiety has been getting worse. I am a sahm and I have. 1,3,5 and 11 year old. My partner works; I drive him to and from work because he doesn’t have a license. We let his adult son come live with us because he wanted new opportunities. He now has a job and now I am expected to take him to and from work as well all of the sudden. He works shift work and my s/o works 8-4:30pm. So getting the kids ready and every time is starting to be a lot. Then as I mention this to my s/o he puts him and his son in the same category as me not wanting to help them and to let him know right now if I don’t want to drive them to work anymore, like what??? My step son gives me 25 a wk for gas while my partner barely has money to give me for gas and I seem to be dishing it out a lot. I didn’t want to put in gas one time because they couldn’t give me money either and my s/o put it on me that they couldn’t get to and from work because of me. I’m becoming overwhelmed, I don’t know what to do. I need some input ladies.


I’d buy 2 bus passes…


He wants new opportunities but doesn’t have a license or car, just like his dad? Sounds like they both need a reality check. Why doesn’t he have a license? If he can get one, he needs to get on that asap and step it up.


Public transport or car pool

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Public transport. They are both capable of getting public transport.

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Give them a bus schedule!

Bus, ride share, walk, bike, and so on. Charge adult son rent. Time for significant other to grow up and figure it out.


I feel like I have more questions than answers…can they help get the kids dressed? Can they ride public transportation? Can the stepson drive? If the stepson could drive, I would develop a schedule on days I need the car and days he can drive them to work. I would have them work out how gas gets in the car. I would not contribute to the gas.


I did this for grown kids living with me, they had no car at the time we all worked in the same place. I too got stressed. Didn’t take them long to find a car… bottom line is they need to get their license. Or take a bus ride a bike, grow up and look after them self. God bless good luck.


Don’t do it the more you do the more they expect it’s not fair on you or your kids being in the car all the time

Tell them both to get their own drivers license an car

You have every right to feel overwhelmed and anxious. My husband went without a license for 10 years and I had to do all the driving. And teach my kids how to drive :roll_eyes: I can see how you feel unappreciated. Throw that one at your partner!!! It’s a lot to get 4 kids ready and out the door :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: GOOD LUCK MAMA! Stick up for yourself!


There’s too many other options for them to get to and from work- sounds like both men need to stop relying on you- who already has a full plate. You have every right and a great reason as to not be a taxi service. They are grown and both can get to and from work without putting their weight on you. Stand up for yourself and your 4 children and give them boundaries to respect or to get out of their comfort zone (which you allow by catering and driving them). Sorry but that’s a hard NO- from me. They can get a coworker to pick them up or drive them home or call a friend- you have more important things to worry with- the cost and damage on your car alone costs way more than 25 a week for fuel. Think about YOUR future and your kids because they will be hurting when or if something happens to your vehicle because you’ve signed up to be a taxi service for two grown men.

It’s time for them to grow up. They both either get licenses (or one if there’s a legal issue) and BOTH pay for gas.

They’re adults: treat them accordingly and don’t take flack just bc they want to throw down excuses. Being a full time at home parent to FOUR is a job. (An unpaid one at that!)

So lay down the law and don’t back down!


Tell them to catch a bus or a train

Uber! Public transportation! Coworkers! Walking! Literally anything else. I’d never make someone run me around every day and have to get their kids ready and all that, I’d be ashamed of myself.


Does the son have a license or no? If he does he can drive them. If he doesn’t then they seriously need to work on that. If not then he has no right to fuss over how taxing it is for you to get yourself and a total of 6 others out the door for their jobs. Are y’all in the city where they have transportation? Buy them each a bus pass and let them work it out. The kids are your responsibility not two half grown manchilds

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I would be telling them that they are both adults. It sounds like you also have younger children so the two grown men should deal with it and find their own ways to work and be adults and accountable for their transit to work.

We live in 2023 I’m sure they could find the money if they wanted and be resourceful and responsible


Get them some good walking shoes for Christmas


How far away are their jobs?
Maybe advise them to buy a bike from the pawn shop or ride the bus… or ask a coworker to carpool??


They’re grown @$$ men. Maybe it’s time they learn to drive and deal with getting themselves to and from work.

Stop having babies with a child first. A man takes care of himself. Walking isn’t crowded. Have him get his license. There is no reason you should have to drag your kids out all the time. His grown son is his responsibility.


So many people say do this do that but at the end of the day that’s your family. Maybe they live in an area where buses or trains or even walking would be too far :woman_shrugging:t2: no one knows the situation maybe the s/o is doing his best to make ends meet and pay the bills, the grown son is contributing to gas it might not be a lot to some people but at least he’s working and trying as far as the sahm having to do all the running around in the vehicle it’s not the first time any sahm has had to do this maybe all they can afford is one vehicle. My grown children and I live together until they get in their feet and both work as do I work, my daughter and I work at the same place we car pool but there’s been times I remember doing all the running around and I remember my children taking turns doing the running around does it get tiring yes but at the end of the day everyone is home safely and together that’s all that matters… my goodness it’s so easy for some people to just walk away when they get tired of helping instead of pulling together as a family, or how about this she knew what she was getting into when she got with her s/o and the son moving in was both of their choices so why all of a sudden it’s too overwhelming maybe she’s just fishing for reasons to leave how about the 5 and 11 year old ride the bus to and from school and stay home with the 1 and 3 year old and let the s/o and son take the car and alternate weeks gives everyone a break because compromising or coming up with alternate solutions is way more ideal than taking the easy way out when things get tough :woman_facepalming:t4:


You’re a sahm so isn’t the money going into the car paid by your husband since he’s the one bringing in the income? Or do you work from home and have your own income? Who is financially responsible for the vehicle? Otherwise he should be filling the tank once or twice a week(depending on the car) to make sure he can get to work and your kids can go to school and errands can be run. I understand your frustration because I have been there. Operating one vehicle in a family is tough. If your husband doesn’t have a license because he can’t have one right now I understand. But if he is capable then he should make the time to do it especially if that’s all that’s holding him back from driving himself to and from work. As for his son, he’s an adult. And should have a license as well and should also be considerate of you and his situation. I can see why your husband may be confused why you may not want to drive his son to work when you are already taking him but it shouldn’t be a permanent set up. He lives with you and should be taking strides to purchase his own vehicle and eventually his own place. I recommend a discussion with your husband on what to do in this situation that can benefit everyone. And then sit down with his son and discuss a game plan on how he can become more independent. These talks can be tough but at the end of the day you shouldn’t resent eachother for putting one another in a tough situation.
Currently I’m a sahm and I walk my children to school. I run errands when my husband is home from work or on his day off when the vehicle is available. Find what works for you and your family.


Why do neither of them have a driving license? Why can neither of them get the bus or train or look into a lift share with someone from work?

You have enough on your plate imo with 4 kids to look after; the adults should be adults and fending for themselves x


In my opinion since your stay at home mom, your husband shouldn’t have to give you extra gas money as it sounds like he’s providing for the home. You stated you’re a stay home mom. Are you a stay at home mom or a work from home mom? Sounds like you have some sort of income. I wouldn’t mind giving my spouse a ride to work since they’re the one providing shelter, lights, and food for myself and my kids. If your husband had to Uber there would be a lot less money coming into the home. The step son is a different story. He can Uber back and forth.


Before you do anything, think this over. If your husband stops contributing to the household what will happen? If your a SAHM and you tell them to catch the bus or an uber will you be upset that the money you can be putting in the gas tank is going towards a ride every single day cause uber can get pricey. Once again depending on the whose coming off the most money to pay the bills I would seriously have to think this one through


Sounds like you have two extra kids to take care of and money troubles.
Short answer:

  1. Son has x amount of time to save and purchase a car and get licence.
  2. Hubby and you need to look at finances.
  3. Hubby and you need to discuss if there’s any possible alternatives in this situation.
  4. If he gets cranky again, you need to tell him that this is a partnership and tantrums do not help. And if he won’t be civil he’ll be walking lol

Here’s an idea - your husband needs to get a license. Then he can drive himself to work. That’d be one less thing for you to have to worry about.


1st of all the adult son can pay rent and provide his share of groceries. Second of all why do they not have license? If for DUI then let them take a taxi. That’s on them and not you. That’s their punishment…not yours. You have enough with the kids. Your being used.

If they don’t have money to pay for their gas then they need to find alternative transportation. Taking care of your kids is the first priority. This son should also be contributing to utilities and rent if he’s living under your roof…

They grown adults time for bus or train your looking after kids and young ones at that you don’t have time to run about after them… they being childish

Better think this over ! Your a SAHM. Husband is working so you can have a roof over your head. Get groceries and care for the children. If you refuse to take him to work then he will probably not be able to pay for the household. So everyone will be on the street.

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Seriously either tell them it’s at least $70 each a week for gas or they walk or catch other means of transportation they’re taking advantage of you and they know it

Time to stop being their mummy and be a partner and step mother the kid has a
Mother she can take him and he’s a grown man find his way

I have one car between myself and my my husband and guess what he finds his own way to work as we have 2 kids that have school and other requirements that need attending too


I’d ck into Uber/Lyft or the nearest bus line

Good Lord…can they get a scooter or bike or hop a bus or ask a coworker every now and then? Definitely would pay if they did…what are they contributing to the household out of the money earned? Do they help with house chores? So many questions!


Get yr husbands license and the son a bus pass…simple or both a bus pass.

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your husband needs his license unless he has a valid reason (like medical) as to why he can’t drive. until then, him & his son both can uber, walk or catch the bus. they both should be taking turns filling your vehicle with gas.

Get 3 quotes. One from a taxi service, one Uber, one Lyft. How much is bus fair ? Then get a quote for child care. Last, look for a job. Time for a FAMILY MEETING

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That’s what public transport is for. Sorry you have to be responsible for this.

Your a sahm so is he paying the house hold bills so your able to stay at home with the kid’s? If no and you have income then tell him or pay ALL the gas or find his own way. Bus pass Uber etc. As for the son I would just give him a time frame to get a car but until then he had to pay for all the gas he uses or find his own ride as well.

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It’s time for them to grow up get on a bus you have children to take care of.


Are you married or not…why are you paying all expenses, charge them more. What are they doing with their money. Who’s car is it…
Does the son have a license…decide what you want and go for it.


Adult son needs to get his own car and drive himself. Husband needs to get his licence.


Amanda Lundy cause husband has to give her gas money how else is she going to pay for it, she doesn’t work she’s a sahm,

Please clarify if you have an income,who is paying the majority of the household expenses, is the step son contributing for living expenses,etc,etc,etc.


Your 1st priority is your children. Tell them to get transportation to and from work or get their license but your not their errand boy

No real man would expect you to do all of that while having young children🤦🏻‍♀️ When my husband and I were in the same situation as you he walked to work or paid guys from his job to get back and forth!!! Girl put your foot down


Get them a bus card for Christmas. Lmfao. With all the disrespect, fcuk that. :joy::skull:

Where are you getting your money…:thinking:

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So my thing here is your sahm. Giving them rides to and from work so they can pay the bills and keep the roof over you and your kids head seems like a legit reason to at least put in the gas. Now if the step son isn’t helping out financially then yea, I’d make him pay more for the rides, But if your hubby needs a ride to work, and needs you to put in for gas, that’s the least you can do. That’s just my 2 cents. :woman_shrugging:t2:


Grown ass men need to be able to get themselves to and from work. They are grown. Non of that is your fault.

Enough is enough they need to grow up get a license and or a car or consistently give.you gas money, more then 25 a week for damn sure. Your not their parent.

If my husband couldn’t pay for his own gas he wouldn’t be my husband.


Can one or both get rides with coworkers? They can be responsible to give them gas $.

It’s giving bum your husband should be filling up your tank. And his son needs to start helping or pay for an uber

You ppl realize that medical conditions exist where u cannot have a license right :woman_facepalming:

Yeah, that’s bs! It’s not your responsibility to get 2 grown adults t/f work! Buy a bicycle, Uber or walk! You have babies which makes anything twice as hard!

Forget to pick them up for good I’d say.

Is there a reason the husband doesn’t drive?The son needs to get a license and car.

Tell them to get their damn license or ride the bus.

Throw them both the hell out :face_with_symbols_over_mouth:

Wtf??? My 16 year old has her own car that she’s paying off aswell as a learners license, I’m just a passenger till she gets her restricted. She pays her own gas. If she can do it 2 grown ass men can too :woozy_face:

Give them both a time frame to get there liscence and a car. Why doesnt your husbsnd have lisence or money to put in gas tank . The bills and gas should come first before wants

I don’t understand you are a stay at home mom so your husband must be paying all the bills and food and what not the least u can do is take him to work period. The son should help with gas that shouldn’t be all on you or your husband. But I don’t see why your are complaining u get to stay home and be with your kids why your husband works and if he can’t get his license back at the moment then I don’t see why helping him is a problem when he covering all the other expenses. Unless u don’t want a roof and food and clothes for u and your kids then I would stop complaining . I mean yeah it’s a pain to take the kids out and what not but that’s your husband u guys are supposed to be a team and if he is the one providing and doing the most then I don’t understand why u don’t wanna help him till he can get his license back . I dk u sound selfish to me I mean u want all the preks of being a stay at home mom and stuff but don’t wanna help your husband … but as for the son he should help pay for gas bc he is old enough to be on his own if he don’t wanna pay then he needs to get a uber or something


If they’re working then they are getting money to pay their own way. You should go out and leave the kids with them and tell them to pick you up with all the kids. It’s so stressful. But fill them with sugar before you go to make sure it’s super hard so he can’t then say: it’s not that hard cause kids are different with dads then mums.

And who’s keeping a roof over your head? Your husband works so you can stay home. And you can’t do that for him. :rofl: and complaining about gas money? :woman_facepalming:t2:

Someone sounds entitled and ungrateful :rofl::roll_eyes:

Trying having a full time job 830-530 on top of kids and doing everything yourself with no SO.

Get a job. :woman_shrugging:t2:

Love the man bashing in here. All coming from bags that mooch or take money from men.

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Omg! Tell them to figure it out! There’s grace, and there’s enabling……:heart:


I only have two and am pregnant with #3. I DREAD getting the kids ready and leaving lol I couldn’t imagine doing it multiple times a day with all of those kids. Those boys need to grow the f up and get to work themselves!


Where are you even getting money to put gas in if you’re a sahm? I would give them a deadline to either get their license ( if they are allowed to drive) or find another way to get to and from work. There’s no way that I would drag those kids out every morning just to take them to work.

My husband took the bus to work and home. Didn’t hurt him but the bus stop was right around the corner and the station was just a couple if blocks from his work

As a former single mom of 4 kids, this would have been impossible, and they’re so young, that’s a lot to put on you! Do you need your husband bc I would just say no and take my chances of him leaving lol


I know this is tough because they need to go to work to make money but there’s should be some sort of plan for them to maybe purchase a used car together and they can worry about carpooling amongst them too to give you a break


Catch the bus s or a cab or a coworker going that way. It’s too much to do

If you’re a SAHM, why are you footing the gas bill? I would have them fill up the gas tank to full on the way to work and they can fill it up (since they are the ones needing to use it up) and let them know you will play chauffeur either 3 days a week or 2 days a week (whichever is more convenient for you) and the other days they will be responsible for getting themselves there and back otherwise. THIS IS LUDICROUS And they are taking advantage of you and USING YOU. They can either Uber, take a bus, or walk or bike. But using you & your resources while treating you like :poop:is not only not sustainable, it’s not fair to you or your kids for these man-children to treat you like a doormat to be constantly walked all over. This is not a partnership. This is a dictatorship with you being gaslighted into thinking that you owe it to them to babysit grown adults who refuse to adult.

Why don’t any of them have a drivers license? How are all these adults bringing income but no one can buy another car? Why can no one use public transport? This is madness and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. All you can do is communicate and if they’re not listening then I would go on my own way.

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Grown or not most parents want to help their children. But dad needs to talk to him about saving money for a car and getting his license. Tell him y’all aren’t attacking him but he wanted new opportunities so he needs to set goals to better himself and y’all will help him anyway possible but explain it’s hard on y’all with 4 kids so he really needs to set and work towards these goals.

As for your husband yes he does need to get a license but remember you’ll also be giving up the vehicle so he can go to and from work. You mentioned you are a sahm so how is it you putting gas in the vehicle for your husband when he’s the one working to bring in the money? I was a sahm. I handled all finances and part of that is making sure he has the gas to get to and from work.

I can get where the stepson is getting to be too much but complaining about the husband when he’s the one working to provide for you and y’all’s children makes you seem a bit ungrateful!

Kid, you can’t do it all.
You cannot mindfully parent four kids- three of whom are really young - and cook and clean and pay the bills and drive everyone to and from every shift and do it without gas money AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

These are two grown men.

Okay one has no license- what about the other one?

Do either of them have a scrap of decent credit?

It sounds like probably not - and it is super hard to pick up and build it again - and it takes a while -

You will have grocery runs, doctor appointments, school meetings, and God knows what else to deal with, on a frequent & not necessarily predictable schedule.

It’s brutal.

I suggest they take a Lyft to and from work and or find work locations near each other until the financial / credit / license aspects improve, so they can share a ride.

Honestly, you have six children on your hands and putting their vocational success entirely on YOU is irresponsible, inappropriate, unfair, & whiffy of emotional abuse.

If they can’t see this, if they aren’t willing to cooperate, if they aren’t sensitive to what YOU do all day and all night, every day and every night… I’d get my kids together and head out to stay with relatives for a few days, or weeks, if that’s possible.

YOU need support.
YOU need help.
YOU need time.
YOU need to take care of yourself - bc it doesn’t sound like your husband will - and THEY need to take responsibility for THEIR decisions & ensuing consequences.

Work too far?
What’s more palatable, moving closer or finding a closer job?

Their jobs - their responsibilities - are THEIRS.

bUt MaRRiAgE iS a TeAm EffOrT!

Yup, but they’re a couple daisy pickers in left field, while you’re trying to pitch, catch, hit, and run the bases.

That’s no kind of team, my friend.

Good luck.

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I wish I divorced my first husband way faster girly. I was given all sorts of bad advice.

The way he talks to you is not valuing your feelings and how you are so exhausted.

When we break a leg we go to the doctor.

But why are women so hard on our hearts?

I don’t know the full story.

How is your relationship other than this issue?

Because I have a feeling other things are wearing on you too.

Mopeds…no license, you need to still have a way to go instead of expecting your partner to haul around kids multiple times a day, getting on coats, shoes, into car seats, listening to the squabbling, and all that goes with driving with kids. I can understand driving them to work if it’s pouring down rain, or a blizzard…but everyday and different shifts for them too…NO, just NO!! How could you not be stressed, and how can you get anything done at home, laundry, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, between the kids and school and 2 grown adults you’re a full time taxi driver on overtime with no pay. Stop the insanity.

It sounds to me like she has some sort of income. I understand they should pay for gas but maybe after all the bills he pays maybe he doesn’t have enough. If he is capable of getting a license he needs to do that. That being said, you married him and unless you want to pay childcare and go to work instead of being inconvenienced to drive him to work I suggest you count your blessings that he works hard to take care of you and your children. I’m not saying what you’re doing isn’t hard but it’s a small price to pay until other arrangements could be made. Ask for help getting the kids ready and loaded up and be happy that you get to stay at home with them. His son needs to pay rent and get a car and or get his own transportation.

You need to choose your kids!

Do you have a transit system in your area? We only have one car. I do a crap ton of running using the system. Appointments, meetings, work, ect… It makes life so much easier for everyone in our household. We have 3 teens that use it as well. Not to say we don’t use the van, but when you have people going in a few different directions… It helps a lot.

Edit Even ride share, or see if they have co-workers in the area you live that they could get rides with, ect…

That’s a lot to put on any one person. I can understand being overwhelmed.

Oh, and we save a lot in mileage on the car and gas.

I’d be leaving the bum… grow up and get a license

I would drive my husband to work anytime he needed me to, he is my partner and best friend, however his son would be taking a Uber or getting a bus pass

Look up the bus schedule for the both of them and hand it over lol

Sounds like you have 6 kids. :grimacing:

Depending on where you are, can they not take a bus or uber? Maybe if they are forced to pay for their rides, they may start forking the little you are probably asking for gas. But I feel like the situation isnt as simple as that. They need to grow up.

Get him a bus schedule and tell him where to buy a bus pass.

My ex husband didn’t have a license. Not ONCE did i wake my kids up to drive him to work. Make him find another way

Why does he not drive. Like get a license? At this point it’s obviously a lot of driving on ur side so it just seems like it’s time he does that.

Y’all really be playing house with some bums :woozy_face:

Tell them to start looking into the public city bus or see if they can get a ride from a co-worker or something. I shouldn’t all be on you when you are a sahm or 3 kids.

Ridiculous. Men are responsible for themselves. You have enough to do.

Who is paying the rent? The Groceries? All the other expenses of a family??? There are a lot of questions not answered not just who is buying the gas. The stepson should be paying a lot more that just a small amount on gas.

Can you help your man get his license???

Ok so charge a rate to get to and from for both of them if they don’t like it let them Uber

You’re raising a man-child. Tell your s/o to ask a coworker that lives nearby if he can carpool with them. Also tell your step-son to find a coworker to carpool with. Or if you live in an area that has public transportation, have them buy bus passes to get to and from work.

That’s to much. Y don’t they have a license?

Adult son needs to pay rent and transportation or get on a bus. How does your partner work and have no money to contribute? Your a stay at home mom without income? I’m confused.