I am 9 years older then my husband. We have known each other for 37 years and married 34 plus years. My sons wife is 11 years older then him and they have been married and will be married 17 years. If the couple and chemistry is right age doesn’t matter.
My husband is 13 years younger, we’ve been together 16 years and have a daughter together and I have one from previously, she is his for all rights, but this man is not for you, he’s hiding you, it’s not age…you’re his secret…walk away and find someone who is proud to be with you, not worried about what others will think
I say go for it. My late husband was 23 years older than me but we survived three great kids, a couple of grandkids. And when we divorced we were the best of friends>
Take the age difference out of the equation and see the relationship for what it is. Everyone deserves to be loved and sadly it sounds like you are the only one putting in the love. If he wanted this he would make it work and he clearly is not. I have been with guys like this and eventually you have to cut your losses and walk away. Choose yourself and you will never go wrong.
My ex was 21 years younger. I’m 52, he’s 31. We only split because we each have our own growing to do, growth that has to be completed alone. We lived together for almost 3 years. The week prior to the move there was assurance from both of us that love was there, but we knew right now we had lone issues that needed to be resolved individually.
I miss him terribly. One day last week, looking at his Snapchat was a picture in which he had been crying. No tears, but his face was read and the caption was “feeling some type of way.” I know he misses me too. He would say I was young at heart and he was an old soul.
Is it meant to be? I don’t know. I think of him most of the day, but I will not drag him into the trauma therapy I need. I feel we may reconnect down the road but as I said we both have growing to do.
The one thing I can say is he never played games. About five minutes after he posted that picture he sent me a text. I saw him the next day to pick up a few forgotten items, chatted for two minutes and left. He did not ask me to stay, or offer false promises.
I only tell you this because being on my own, right now, is my chance to focus on me. I have decided that if we reconnect right now is not the right time. My focus needs to be here, on me.
It sounds like this guy has no respect for boundary. He’s a cake eater. You just need to tell him no more cake. 
1 Like
If he really wanted to be with you, he would. He’s getting his cake and eating it too. While he’s stringing you along, he’s looking for someone he really wants to be with. But you’ll give him what he wants, so he keeps coming back for more.
Cut him loose. He isn’t worth your time. You could be spending that time with someone who really wants to be with you!
Well, I’d like to think I don’t care about age, but I do. My fiancé’s ex wife and mother to their children is with a much younger guy, (she’s 37, he’s 21) and it bothers me. It bothers me because 1) she continuously chooses different men over her children (my fiancé has full custody) and 2) he’s so close to her kids. 15yr old boy 14yr old girl. I find it extremely inappropriate and to be honest, a bit childish to be dating someone so young. He was only 20 when she moved with him 5.5hrs away and only gets her kids when it’s convenient.
He’s 25 meaning he might want kids someday and you’re not going to be able to provide that
Look at the long-term. Will he ever tell his family and friends and show his love for you? I know it’s hard to stand your ground and not take him back but if he can’t be happy to be with you and let others know that, that’s not a healthy relationship.
You could do either of 2 things…Wa it years and years for him yo get over your age difference, or don’t go back and DON’T LOOK BACK! As much as he says it doesn’t bother him, it does. His family’s opinion of him bothers him. You are very capable of living your own life. Find a hobby or something that keeps you busy and perfectly happy, ON YOUR OWN. Sorry girl, but he’s too immature for you
You need to let that boy go cuz that’s what he is a boy he’s just beginning to live life you two are on two different playing fields he is Young his name began to live his life yet he’s going to want kids of his own I’m going to be 40 in a few months and I’m going to tell you right now that’s not a good idea and as a mother of six boys I would not be okay with that at all
Keep away from him…if he really wanted to be with you he would’ve done that a long time ago… don’t waste your time. He is keeping you from finding someone who is willing to treat you and give all himself to you…you deserve better!!!
If he is really in love with you and wants you to be together… he won’t mind what other people or his relative might say… it should not matter as long you both happy with your relationship and you both accept each others differences.
He’s just got a good thing with you. You’re always there. Nothing to do with age. All ages of men have commitment issues.
1 Like
My cousin is 27, has been with his woman for over ten years, and she recently turned 53.
The age is his crutch, he only wants you when its convenient.
Walk away. You’re hurting yourself. Walk away, change numbers, dont accept contact again. Hes old enough no one is gonna look at him funny for dating an older woman.
In my eyes age is just a number my grandpa was engaged to someone the same age as my dad. The age is just the number of years you have existed for that’s all it is
Go for it!! My work friend has been with her man 15 years. He was 25 when they met and she was 42.
15 years later and they are still happy together.
He is not ready. And you have become a crutch for him if you keep taking him back. That is unfair to the both of you. I know that matters of the heart are delicate and it is not that simple but he isn’t being fair to you when you leave and he running back. The age difference isn’t important. Maturity levels are. If he simply cannot commit, stand your ground. For your own peace of mind and heart.
There is nothing wrong with dating someone younger because I was a 30 year old single mother and the guy I was dating was 24 years old and we have been together for 4 years going onto 5 years next month and hes great. Both our family’s love us and dont have an issue with it. So I say go for it but if hes being weird and doing this back and forth with you then you need to stand your ground and move on. Find someone better that will treat you the way you deserve
If he is concerned with what the community is going to say or concerns with what the family has to say, sorry to say it, but you been his booty call all this time, he wants his cake when he wants it, no age dont affect most ppl but obviously is affecting him, please move on with your life you are not the one for him, that’s why he hasn’t settled.
Nope dont do it, he’s only in it for convience you deserve so much better. Ive been with people where the age gap was 12+ years and a few that were 3-4 younger, as soon as they started doing that I noticed they did other things like keeping it a secret so they still had a back up. Age isnt the issue maturity is
Age is just a number…get um young train them right…if theu arw willing to take u as u are witj kids and grandkids and take them in as their own…and love u unconditionally then f*** it why the hell not…the world is so full of so much that we arent used to…its a new era…do what makes u happy
He’s using you mama! If he loved you and wants to be with you, he isn’t going to care what the community thinks. I’ve been down that road where younger men have tried to date me, one who tried to make me believe he actually loved me and wanted to move in with me and my kids. I saw right through the manipulation and never gave him the chance. We never dated, but we were friends and evidently he wanted more, I knew better than that. These type of guys believe that dating an older woman with kids that they don’t want a commitment so they don’t think that they will get too attached. They basically have these relationships for the sex and or a sugar mama.
I am 43 he was 30
Everything was ok for a year and over …we got
Engaged, I brought him to England…and boom
3 month after the engagement he changed he’s mind and went back home to he’s mum
I didn’t beg him to stay
I learned my lesson for good
Stay with in your limit
Never go above or less
Think about when you gonna be 63 and he is 50
Maybe now is not an issue but later in life will be
Think about when man hit 40
My advice is stay alert and time will relieve everything just be careful for your children.
Good luck
My husband is 14.5 years younger than me. No one has an issue with our age difference. My kids encouraged our relationship. My son is only 8 years younger than my husband and my daughter is just 10 years younger than him. It’s working for us.
Plain and simple. End it. Walk away. Have more respect for yourself then to be with someone who’s clearly not that into you cause if he was… there would NEVER be a question in his childish mind!!!
Move on!!! Look for a REAL MAN!
I definitely think hes using you when it is convenient for him. There is 15 years between my fiance and me. I was 28 with a 3 year old when we met and he was 43 with 3 teenage children. Sorry, but if he really loves you, he wouldn’t give two hoots what his family says.
Walk away. When you’re 61 or 71 he’ll still be youngish. I want to look better than my man. I’d be so self conscious. But if you can handle it…
Sounds to me it’s more of a commitment issue, his saying he loves you but walks away, that rings hollow. Just words he knows you want to hear…time to move forward. Let your heart heal. Good luck.
My np is 26 years older than me. He didnt tell right away and I almost wanted to walk away. I found I wasnt judged as much as him. His family was always good to me, but had alot to express to him about his choice for a good 3-4 years. It’s been 12 years now. Kinda gotta go with your gut on this, I promise it won’t be easy.
Coming from being the younger of the 2: idont have family but I have opinionated friends. My relationship started when i was 19 i think and i didnt stop questioning it till i was closer to age 30, it was a rough road. It took me that long to be comfortable and not dwell on others opinions 
I’m 28 and my husband is 40. We’ve been together since I was 19 and he was 31 and never have problems. It sounds like he’s worried what everyone else will think and not what he wants. He might just not know exactly what he wants yet and maybe wants kids of his own? Maybe have that talk with him since I’m sure you’re done having kids.
You’re too old for him . I’m 41 as well and the thought of someone my age having a relationship with a 25 year old is disturbing in my opinion .
Girl the signs are all there, let that baby go, i know easier said than done BUT it can be done, let him go, most boys that age have not matured, just hit it and use him for that.
A friend of mine is with someone 20 odd years her junior , and from the word go age was never a problem ,they have now been married for over 20 years and really happy , he actually gave up his family as they wouldn’t accept her , that’s when you know someone loves you , so I wouldn’t be his secret .
I have a whole lot of experience with this issue. If you need advice about you can PM me. Way too complex for this platform. I am 16 years older than my Husband. He was 22 when we met with no children of his own. My oldest son is only 4 years younger then him. It’s very complicated to say the least.
Sweetie that is called gaslighting! He keeps you around because he knows he can until he finds someone else that catches his eye. Then when that doesn’t work out he comes calling for you again. I don’t personally know you, but, I do know you are too good for him. You are at a prime time in your life right now to be and do you. Your kids are grown with babies of their own. Now is your time to shine and be just you. My advice ditch the gaslighter and travel and be free for a little while.
25 is so young and probably not completely mature enough for u. If u like him as a person, u can agree to be friends but cut off the romance.
My husband is 17 yrs old than me. It has never been a problem. I think you need to think really hard about this. If he doesn’t want anyone knowing then you have a problem.
I’m 26 and as a person around the age as your guy in question. If he wanted to be with you he would be period. He wouldn’t care what others thinks but he’s still too immature to be with you. It’s time to move on to someone who is ready to love you like you deserve!! 
Age is a number I’m 45 and my husband is 61 so who cares. My older kids tolerate him but they are both adults. Now my 9 year old that’s his daddy (not bio) but if you ask them they are son and dad. If he loves you who cares
Age is but a number sometimes. But it sound like he likes you when it convenient and doesn’t want anything serious. Cut your loses and yes it will be hard and hurt but will save you more heart ache in the long run.
Setting yourself up
For failure. If he can’t take you in public or to meet his family, shows a complete lack of respect. Love yourself enough to want better. You deserve it.
My husband is 5 years younger than me. It’s not the age difference you need to worry about, it’s his inability to commit. If he’s more worried about what other people think than being with you, he is probably not the one for you. Sounds like you deserve better. IMHO
Coming from a GUY here…sounds to me like he wants to play with an older mature woman but doesn’t want the older mature relationship that comes with it. If he really wanted it that bad he wouldn’t care about what others think because he loves you! That’s how I see it. Don’t give up anything to him unless he is willing to give up the same. It’s his loss later when you move on and are happy and he is alone and miserable. Hope I didn’t sound too mean but I would hate to encourage a heartbreak. Tell him exactly what your last sentence says and if that doesn’t change his mind nothing will. Sounds like he either doesn’t have a supportive family or has serious self esteem problems to be worried about how people will think about you two
1 Like
The OP sounds like she’s a placeholder girlfriend. I hope she can figure out how much she’s willing to put up with and then set those boundaries. I wish her the best.
If the guys wants kids that might not be possible with you when he is ready. He may not be ready to be your caregiver when you are 60 and he is 45years old. Great chemistry is good but it doesn’t always come with a life time partner. Wish you the best to move forward before you let this make you crazy and depressed.
I agree with Amanda Toth Scheller… U need to put urself first! He’s not committing to u, if my guy did that even a little bit, we would never have lasted! U don’t want to be someone’s second choice! U deserve to be treated better than that!
My sister was 14y older than her husband. She had two kids already.They were together for a long time and had a child when she was 40. Her 2 other children were adults. When she started pushing 50 and he was in his 30s, things somehow started going downhill. She ended up packing and leaving. He had another woman not long after. Maturity is more important than the age.
Age is only a number if he true my loved you he wouldn’t worry about what other think. I’m sorry to be so blunt but it sounds to me like he wants you to be there when he needs you to be there not as a family but as a fill in till he finds his next go around then when that’s ended back to you hon don’t waist your time if he is saying he is worried about the family an the community an what they think then what you think doesn’t matter to him . I would say take a hike if you can’t take me at my age because of others then go be with the others an leave me alone
Stay strong and walk away before you waste any more of your precious time! I wasted 40 to 47 with a younger man. Go while you’re still young please.
If he’s mature enough, he’ll be the right one. My husband was 26 when we met, I was 40. Less than a year later, we were engaged. He wanted a real relationship, and I wanted a partner, not a boss. We worked. Some will be mature enough.
My boyfriend and I are 16 years apart, he is 47 and I’m 31. Been together for 3 and a half years with a infant together, which he adores and loves my oldest like his own.
The guy that you are in love with either need to step up and be with you like he says or move on. It’s not worth the stress.
I am 32 my husband 52 we met when I was 25. He would make it work if he loves you. It’s not as taboo as he is making it out to be. I am afraid he just wants the benefits with none of the commitment or hardships that come with a relationship/marriage.
He obviously cares what others think…so move on. Cause if he loved you as much as you say he does…it wouldn’t matter🙂
1 Like
I’ve done this. Mistake except my daughter out of the whole situation. He’ll be gone when he’s your age now. Your just security for him…looking fie a motherly figure to protect and take care of him. If it just for short term go for it, but long term your just gonna be hurt in the long run…
I was married to and had a child with a guy 14 years younger than me… I don’t believe age means a thing when you love someone. Everyone knew our age difference, some didn’t care, they thought we were the perfect couple…others didn’t exactly LIKE it, but they knew they had to accept it because we didn’t need anyone’s approval or permission. I think if he REALLY loves you, he wouldn’t give a damn what anyone had to say about it…THAT’S what bothers me. If he is more concerned about other people’s opinions than the “love” he claims to have for you, that’s a red flag. I think it’s sad we live in a society where it’s “normal” for older men to be with younger women but not the way around? That’s a sexist way of thinking…It’s actually WAY more common now for older women to be with younger men…people just don’t realize it because they have an old fashioned out dated mindset. You should do what makes YOU happy…however, it doesn’t sound like he is making you happy right now.
Sounds like he’s ashamed to be with an older woman if he cares what the community think.
He is quite frankly getting his cake and eating it. My advice would be to move on and stop going back. Get out with family and friends and enjoy your life because he will be believe me.
He is not interested in a long term commitment.
You either decide that this is the type of relationship to pass the time and have fun. Or move on.
Best of luck to you.
I am 40 my fiancé is 27 nobody has an issue and if they do it’s their problem as long as you two are happy that’s all that matters. If you two love each other nobody’s business your age.
Excuses. Irregardless of age, he should want to show you off to the world if this is a committed relationship. He’s being secretive about the relationship and making your age difference a problem when real love sees no age, race, or shape. I honestly think you are just convenient right now and not forever. I know it’s hard, but it’s time to let go. Find someone who appreciates you!
Move on…he is playing with your emotions and your heart
1 Like
Nope. If he really wanted to be with you he would. YOU are nothing to be ashamed of. His attitude is.
1 Like
I never dated younger until my husband who is 10 years younger than me and we have been happily married for 11years
There is a 16 year gap between my husband and I. I am 44 and he’s 28. His parents weren’t happy at first but now they couldn’t care less. 8 years and 3 children later. We are still together and happy and that is what’s important
If your afraid of getting hurt then your head is already telling you all you need to know now you have to build the strength to do what you know needs to happen… no one can make that choice for you or tell you the right thing to do and age IS just a number but I think you already know the right answer… good luck!! Stay strong!! Love hurts!!
Please also be realistic, sometime in the future one of you will inevitably have to take care of the other, my mom and step dad are 20 years apart, completely made for each other but my mom who’s a young heathy 60 who does yoga everyday and is 100x more flexible then me, spends her days caring for my step dad, who has to be home for his afternoon nap, and we have to be extra super careful with Covid, and any really, over the last 5 years or so it’s been sorta sad to watch, if only he was her age otherwise a perfect match, my mom and I have talked and she said she was prepared for this and knew she was making that choice when she married him because true love and all, this was back in the 90s and they also had us 3 teenagers to deal with… I let my friends believe he was my grandpa for as long as I could… lol…
If someone is afraid of what someone will say, they aren’t being honest to you or themselves and aren’t ready to commit.
1 Like
Its too much age difference. Take yourself and get away. Youre young enough to easily find someone close enough in age to Really have a happy life.
I would just remain friends only. My son was the same age when he loved a 45 year old woman. It did not last. She ran off with someone her own age
I know it’s always better to be the Queen of an older guy than the Slave of a younger guy .
1 Like
I’ve been in an identical relationship. Get out now! Otherwise, it drag into wasted time, and YEARS of heartbreak with you getting nothing in return.
He’s enjoying the ride. If he hasn’t told his family he doesn’t plan on telling them. If you like yhe ride fine but if you are looking for happy ever after let him go.
Boys really act as if they knew everything emotionally. Regardless of age, still has some immaturity issues. Well i would say this is from my experience and some friends. But still may depend on you.
The answer is get rid of him. He’s using you. If he truly loved you he’d be proud to show you off. Have some respect for yourself lady.
Pray about it. Love has no bounds including age. If the love is true then you wouldn’t constantly be worried about it. If he can’t commit after 3 years he is unsure. I would ask the dreaded question like do we have a future? Will we be together forever? You could be wasting the best years of your life.
If he is hiding because of the age difference now can you imagine as it goes longer. You deserve to be shown and proudly. If he truly loved you he wouldn’t care what anyone else thought. Find the man that will be worthy of you, no matter what the age is.
3 years and he doesn’t want to be a real couple? No way- it’s time to find someone else. Nothing is wrong with an age gap - it truly depends on maturity- if he is making the excuse of what FaMiLy will think, he’s not the one. Because either A- he does care what they think so he won’t ever tell them (I mean hello it’s been 3yrs) or B- he wants to just see other people and enjoy his 20’s afraid to really COMMIT.
if you truly love someone it doesn’t make a difference what ANYONE thinks. watch out for your heart.
If he doesn’t want to be in a real relationship with you ( does not hide relationship) then he’s not the one, hopefully you find a guy that wants you 100%
You only get to choose who you spend you time with once and at my age I can’t be with anyone who isn’t willing to let the whole world know I’m his woman. Doesn’t matter how in love I was. You deserve some one who will shout it from the rooftop that you’re together…
Honey go for it. I’m 11yrs older than the guy I’m with, we’ve been together for 40 yr.
Age difference matters but only when what one person wants is different from another. For instance its more easy a man to be older than the woman because 1 of conceiving 2 because men most just want to settle down at a later age than 3 if he really loved you he wouldn’t care at all what others say or think in fact he would make it very clear. You need a men around your age or not as young be better with grown childrens just like yours, a partner to set new goals travel relax a glass of wine some nights but honestly 3 years and its been on and off as an adult an experience woman you should stop wasting your time changing diapers. Honest opinion
He is too young… and its selfish of you to hold on to him… he needs to grow up and experience life… maybe he wants kids of his own. Are you wanting to give that to him… also if he is hesitant about being open about your relationship… thats the hint to move on…
I personally think that’s a huge age difference but I would feel the same with with a younger female/older male… my step was 12 years older than my mom my grandpa was 18 years older than my grandma I know society looks down when it’s a younger male but I say screw it and live your life as long as you aren’t hurting anyone so if it’s meant to be it will be but sounds like he is worried perhaps a family thing… hope things work out for you
Be with someone who will claim you. This dude is 25, playing the field and telling you everything you want to hear. He is not ready for the same things you are. Move on.
If he wants his own kids…that’s impossible. Be fair to him and let him find someone he can grow old with. You won’t have to worry about him leaving you when he wakes up and realizes he can find someone else to make a family with.
My mom was 16 yrs younger than my dad. It never worked very well. She was wanting to Do fun stuff like dancing or just going out with friends; he wanted to stay home. He got mad if we had on rock n roll. I wasn’t allowed to listen to hard rock. Only the Osmonds lol. They fought over everything and she left when I was 7…plus she was methodist he was Catholic. Divorced after 16 years…
Age is only a number - do what makes you happy. Sheez Bernie Ecclestone who’s 89yrs old just became a father with a 41yr old…now that’s an age difference.
1 Like
Nothing wrong with it my hubby is 26 yrs older than me age isn’t anything but a number
You are his “when nothing better is coming along plan” he wants things you dont bring to the table but wants your company to pass time until that person comes along for him. You are not the priority you are the option. Are you an option? Then move on honey
I’m really sorry, but if he is that worried in what others think, he is not commited, or a keeper…
Love doesnt care what others that are not in the relationship think.
I’m sorry, but you have learned a lesson 3 years long.
Time to cut that tie, and find someone with less issues
Age matters to him . Reason he doesn’t want to move forward . He’s 25 he isn’t ready to settle down . Move on darling !
I got involved with a 40 year old man, I was,25…it wasn’t good from the start, but he wanted to rush into marriage. My Gram said "the fun HES having in his 40s isn’t the fun YOU’LL Have in your 40s. She was right. Live for yourself if it was real, he would BE with you.
Talk Talks and Walk Walks. Period. Actions speak louder than words. If you’re okay being a secret than fine but doesn’t sound like You are. Move on Honey. Feel the pain either way at least you’ll know it’s the last time.
As a 51 year old woman who recently got married to a 33 year old man, trust me, if he really loved you, it wouldn’t matter. My Matt has stepped in, become a good friend to my 20-something boys (we lost their dad 3 1/2 years ago) and my grandbabies have taken to calling him G-Pa. Step back. If he really wanted to be with you, nothing else would matter to him!!
If he actually loved you he wouldn’t be embarrassed or care what others thinks of you guys being togther I would walk away and find someone who will accept you for you and not care about the age difference.
When you step back, block him from any kind of contact. You have to allow it to be full or not at all. KNOW you deserve better❤️
Yeah he doesnt love you sorry wouldnt give a damn what anyone think hes embarrased is all he will find someone his own age seen many friends of mine date younger everytime they get left for someone their own age everytime
This sounds like some teenage thing. Move on. You are just a convenience for him. Find someone who wants you! You deserve better.
You’ll end up hurt cause he still has a lot to experience and learn and grow. Someone else can easily come along for him and
You will end up hurt. Free yourself as much as it hurts… honestly… I know from experience.
Obviously he’s ashamed of aged difference. But love is blind in your case.
He can’t convince a girl around his age so he comes to you in the privacy of your home. Maybe he tells his mom he’s going to see your son. Just a thought but you know the answer either continue being used (sorry) or just enjoy life with your children and grandchildren.