I Am Irritated with My Kids All Day, Every Day: Advice?

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QUESTION:

"I don’t know how to deal with stress when my kids are so bad?

I know they are just kids, but I find myself being extremely irritated with them all day. Anyone have any tips to help me manage? LOL, any help would be appreciated."

RELATED QUESTION: My Mother-In-Law Comes Over Every Single Day & I’m Losing It: Advice?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

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“I have a 5yo, 2yo, and a 1mo. I pretend I’m a daycare teacher and think oh today’s gonna be great bc not too many kids are here today. I can handle 3 plus I’ll only be alone for a few hours. If I get upset I think about how a daycare teacher would react. I called my 5yo daughter “my friend” today. I still get angry and have a holler if I need to truly. Mostly towards the end of the day lol. One of my mottos is genuinely fake it till you make it. You just have to have an outlet or else you’ll have outbursts that you may turn out to regret.”

“All these people suggesting drugs and alcohol… that’s crazy. lol although I do enjoy smoking to ease my stress… I don’t like to be stoned around my child…soon to be children. I think it’s important to find time for yourself, a hobby, retail therapy, just get a break. And when you feel like you’re going to explode walk away. Step outside. Give yourself a moment…a lot. Create a schedule. Follow it. It’s good for your kids and you. My son goes to bed at 7-7:30. Every night. I look forward to the peaceful moments and always tell myself the chaos will pass!”

“Have a drink, or smoke a joint!! It helps!”

“Anxiety medicine! Just a low dose is a game-changer, and it is one of the safest forms of medication. When I stayed at home with my kids full time, I would take them outside a lot as well. Vitamin D is good for all! Remember that sometimes when they act out, they are needing more of your attention. Buy a cheap game to play with them or something that will keep their attention (like kinetic sand, play-doh, or coloring).”

“I feel this, I get so irritated over stupid things with them. At the end of the day, I swear I’ll do better tomorrow but it never happens. They know I love them and they love me but it makes me feel like a failure. I guess know when to walk away for some me time, even if it’s a couple of minutes in a secluded room.”

“Get a job to get a break from them and have adult conversations. Honestly, it’s the only thing I’ve found helps.”

“I get the same way and then I remember that THEY ARE NOT TRYING TO ANNOY YOU ON PURPOSE, it is NOT their fault you are in a bad mood or frustrated, they cannot help that. Sit down & play with them, draw a picture with them, let them help you fold a basket of laundry even if that means they’re just balling it up and throwing clothes around the bed. Leave your worries and get to their level and relax. Mainly, they will only be this little once. Enjoy them. If they’re being bad, distract them with a game or something you guys can do together that is easy going.”

“Structure and routine and follow through on everything. Mean what you say and say what you mean! If they’re misbehaving call them on it, lol momma. Parenting is hard unless you draw those distinct lines.”

“First things first, see if you have anxiety. Your kids will pretty much absorb it from you. Second things second, start meditating before you get your kids out of bed and up for the day. Take time for yourself, set your intention, tell yourself ‘today I will be calm and understanding’ because you’re little nuggets don’t know what to do with their feelings either! We gotta lead by example, show them how you handle your own big feelings so they can learn how to handle theirs.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

16 Likes
2

You could have to share them. That sucks

2 Likes
3

Hun with all this lock down and hell since March I think a lot of us parents are like this just because we aren’t getting any time away

3 Likes
4

I have 5 kids and babysit 3. I feel your pain. It sucks when we can’t really go anywhere.

2 Likes
5

Meditation, Yoga, a bubble bath. A favorite book, a hobby. A new recipe. Try doing something small for yourself for a mental break. Kids will be kids.

2 Likes
6

I feel your pain! I hate losing my temper but if they would just mind then life would be so much better

3 Likes
7

Just stop for a moment, do some stretching, breath and count to 20. Remember it won’t be like this for long. One day soon your kids will be grown and you will wish you had these days back. When your lo goes to bed at night take some time to yourself and take a bubble bath or whatever helps ease your mind.

8

Get a job to get a break from them and have adult conversations. Honestly its the only thing I’ve found helps

2 Likes
9

I guess the first question should be is how old are your kids?
If their babies and toddlers that I think you need to get a grip on yourself and your stress level you probably need some alone time to regroup.
If they’re older than that you should probably sit down and talk to them about their behavior and really address it and how it’s affecting you and them and your guys’s relationship. Since my kids were little and fully capable of understanding things we would have discussions on expectations. And I always started off the discussion about how much I love them and blah blah blah blah blah you always got to start off with a positive and then let them go first with their expectations of you and then you discuss your expectations of them. You have to set clear standards in order for people to know that they’re being met or not being met.
Also usually when kids are naughty it’s because they have no direction or purpose. Give them daily goals

3 Likes
10

Same , but I try to watch movies in my free time . Or documentaries, or just be in my phone lol then wen they need me here I go again mom time …

11

Go get you some alone time!

12

Ask for a break and leave the kids with family or with their other parent for 30 mins to an hour at least. Go for a ride or take a long bath and relax.

13

Start taking some vitiate b12 stress complex

14

Smoke some marijuana !

27 Likes
15

Have a drink, or smoke a joint!! It helps!

6 Likes
16

I do everyday. Mine are 13 and almost 4. Husband’s at work. No social life for us. But I do what I need to do for me. I’m an adult. If I need a beer at 11am so be it. Of i wanna smoke a joint at 8am i will. Moms need time. Even of its 35 seconds to puff off a bowl lol.

Your allowed to hate motherhood at times and be stressed.

Your allowed a minute do to what you need to do.

None of that makes you a bad mother. It makes you great. Take a minute.

37 Likes
17

I’m not sure their ages but I saw to tell them that you need to charge like their tablet ect. Or you could use you need gas like the car. Something that they can put into perspective.

2 Likes
18

Sameeee :weary: mine fight every second of every day. I miss them when I’m away from them but they torture me :weary::weary:

1 Like
19

Pick your battles, don’t stress the little things, I had 4 under 5(now all teens):woman_facepalming: and they weren’t ever perfect, but I put a sched in place, and tried to stay to it. They love structure

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20

I agree that it’s hard more so moe than before covid

21

Lick yourself in the bathroom and take a few deep breaths

Take the kids outside to play for some fresh air that will refresh everyone

Explain that mommy doesn’t feel well and also for a moment or relaxation with them

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22

I smoke weed on a daily.Having 6 kids is such a joy…loudhouse all day.Relax and roll up😜

9 Likes
23

Sounds like anxiety. I struggle with it myself. I had to be put on a low dose medication to take the edge off to help me not sweat the small stuff and not loose my shit. But definitely talk to your doctor for your own sake. You have to take care of you so you can take care of those babies :black_heart:

24

All these people suggesting drugs and alcohol…thats crazy. lol although I do enjoy smoking to ease my stress…I don’t like to be stoned around my child…soon to be children. I think its important to find time for yourself, a hobby, retail therapy, just get a break. And when you feel like you’re going to explode walk away. Step outside. Give yourself a moment…a lot. Create a schedule. Follow it. Its good for your kids and you. My son goes to bed at 7-7:30. Everynight. I look forward to the peaceful moments and always tell myself the chaos will pass!

8 Likes
25

Anxiety medicine! Just a low dose is a game changer, and it is one of the safest forms of medication. When I stayed at home with my kids full time, I would take them outside a lot as well. The vitamin D is good for all! Remember that sometimes when they act out, they are needing more of your attention. Buy a cheap game to play with them or something that will keep their attention (like kinetic sand, play doh, or coloring).

1 Like
26

7 altogether 3 teens … 4 12 and under 5 yr old younger … my house is loud … crazy… I get driven out of my mind at times. I just learned to tolerate it … but I do get my me time when I can … do what I need to do… I guess it’s with patience … but I have my days too when I have to change my tone … and then I know they need to be in there own rooms 30 minutes of peace …

27

Too much screen time, for me, makes me super grouchy and annoyed.
Both my children and I have noticed🙄

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28

And we wondered why we weren’t supposed to bother our parents unless they were dying or bleeding haha… I have 6 living and 1 angel. It can get pretty chaotic. Idk meditate, find your center, and breathe for me.

29

Apart from smoking. I make sure they get some outside time and I do some one on one time.
I always give myself time after they go to bed too.

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30

THC! a mom’s best friend

5 Likes
31

Go to your doc about PPD/PPA

32

Exercise them until they are exhausted. Exercise yourself to get rid of the stress and increase your happy hormones. Find time for yourself to do what you enjoy. Get tablets for everyone and f-ck screentime limits on the bad days. Offload anything you can that prevents you from having the energy or time to deal with the kids (hire a maid, mommy’s helper, get take out or pre-made meals, whatever it is). Sign them up for activities to get them out of the house and out of your hair. Let friends and family support you when they offer, drop them off at gram and gramps house once a week for 2 hours. Get a good routine going where you have time for them, and you have time for yourself, and everyone knows when those times are (“it’s quite time from 5 to 6, and everyone gets their tablet or their TV time and sits down and shuts tf up before mommy has to make dinner”). Tell your partner they get the kids on their days off from x time to x time, and they have to get out of the house weather permitting. Tell your partner you want a semi regular date night even if you’re just going to the park, or walking around freaking Target for an hour. Join the Y or some Mommy’s group and make friends that you can safely visit with masks on, and let the kids go nuts while you all sit around and relax with a glass of wine or whatever. Go to bed early and let your partner handle bedtime. Get up early and do what you need to do, or relax in bed on your phone, or take a nice long shower, whatever you want. Be consistent so on bad days you know when your next break is. Take all the help you can get. Don’t beat yourself up for yelling too much, or cussing, it’s human. Just make sure to apologize and try to do better next time to set a good example. No one here knows what they are doing, but we all just try to do our best. That’s it.
Sincerely, the parent of an adhd/autistic tween and a hyperactive strong-willed toddler.

4 Likes
33

Structure and routine and follow through on everything. Mean what you say and say what you mean! If they’re misbehaving call them on it, lol momma. Parenting is hard unless you draw those distinct lines

2 Likes
34

Sounds like you need some you time. A break!

1 Like
35

I get the same way and then I remember that THEY ARE NOT TRYING TO ANNOY YOU ON PURPOSE, it is NOT their fault you are in a bad mood or frustrated, they cannot help that. Sit down & play with them, draw a picture with them, let them help you fold a basket of laundry even if that means they’re just balling it up and throwing clothes around the bed. Leave your worries and get to their level and relax. Mainly, they will only be this little once. Enjoy them. If they’re being bad, distract them with a game or something you guys can do together that is easy going.

1 Like
36

Ok, kids can be shits, and it sometimes seems like they’re playing a game of "who can make mom bat shit crazy first ". Discipline this behavior as strictly as you can (I enjoy my house being deep cleaned by children). But take some time for yourself every day. Read, take a bath, do a home facial, or whatever you enjoy (I plant things). But if you have that little bit of you time every day, you will find patience with others easier to come by.

37

We all have our hard days. I struggle sometimes as well. It’s just life as a mother.

38

Depends on ages. … just lock yourself in a bathroom and call it good ! I realized personally if I just give in to a thing here and there and play robots all day with a couple breaks then it helped him the next day … sometimes all they need is you… but it’s a mindset before you wake up in the morning… (Just my personal part on this ) or if they are super young put them in a crib and walk away for a few minutes …

39

I always have to calm myself down by talking to a friend. Or just going in my basement or my room, and kindly telling my kids to leave mommy alone so I can gather myself and they do. It gets hectic in my home too… and I find myself easily irritated as well. I’m a single mom to 6… Lots of ways to manage stress. I have 3 older kids, 3 younger ones. So my older kids usually help me out when I need it. Good luck to u :slightly_smiling_face:

40

I have a 5yo, 2yo, and a 1mo. I pretend I’m a daycare teacher and think oh today’s gonna be great bc not too many kids are here today. I can handle 3 plus I’ll only be alone for a few hours. If I get upset I think about how a daycare teacher would react. I called my 5yo daughter “my friend” today. I still get angry and have a holler if I need to truly. Mostly towards the end of the day lol. One of my mottos is genuinely fake it till you make it. You just have to have an outlet or else you’ll have outbursts that you may turn out to regret

7 Likes
41

I have a 16, 13, 11, 10 and 7 year old you need a break mama alcohol helps so does technology but it doesn’t fix it well for that day it does lol iv tried everything they still are shits when you get a great answer let me know

2 Likes
42

You may need some time to unwind. If you’re all the time either working, keeping busy, cleaning, and/or tending to everything then you’re wound up and have no release.

You may need a day or at least an hour or two to yourself to breathe and de-stress yourself. It’s sometimes hard to see until you realize you’re not yourself.

43

Any chance you have anxiety? I do and have days where I’m on edge as well.

44

First things first, see if you have anxiety. Your kids will pretty much absorb it from you. Second things second, start meditating before you get your kids out of bed and up for the day. Take time for you, set your intention, tell yourself “today I will be calm and understanding” because you’re little nuggets don’t know what to do with their feelings either! We gotta lead by example, show them how you handle your own big feelings so they can learn how to handle theirs :two_hearts: good luck

45

Hey mama

It’s great that you want to find ways to enjoy your kids and seeking advice to get thru this.

I have a 4.5 yo, a 3 yo and a 1.5yo. I’m also due fir another baby in Feb.

For me routine is my best friend. Starting the day off with prayer and morning cuddles tgda. Love and affection at the morning sets a good tone. I make it a point to smile and greet them really excitedly when they wake up as I feel the moments just before they sleep and wake up is v important fir them to know I love them. (even thou at times inside I feel like OK… The day begins when I hear them in the morning).

Been orgsnised helps Alot. I have a helper 3 x a week so I can meal prep and orgsnised my tutoring work. My days in between I try to dedicate around exciting activities for them. Find things that all of you enjoy tgda to make time tgda memorable and fun.

There’s no screen time before lunch. We limit to 1.5 or 2 hrs per day max. My kids don’t do well in terms of their behavior with lots if screen time. I have a selection of cartoons I apprive of. They not allowed to watch freely whatever they please of you tube.

After breakfast we try and do energetic stuff, get outdoor playtime.,exercise etc. This helps them to burn all that morning energy healthily and by 11 everyone needs lunch and to unwind. Screen time here helps me get things in order and relax a little at this part of the day when I need it.

I always declutter and box toys so they distracted with different things fir longer as opposed to them just having everything at one go and getting bored.

I noticed a clean, tidy and orgsnised house helps reduce my stress levels and they also happier in an environment that’s free of clutter and too many distractions.

Encoursge free play so that they can find ways to occupy themselves when they are bored and u dont have to constantly be actively Involved in what they doing. In my case there’s lots of fights but they have each other as company which is a bonus.

I box and keep activities on Hand that they can play with which they can put away thereafter. They don’t always put things away. I get ideas from Jady A on you tube. She’s a v orgsnised and fun home schooling mum of 5.

It is v exhausting and tough. Days do get v rough. I do feel Im Losing it Alot… But I keep trying. I wake up an hr or 30 mins before everyone just so I get breakfast and prayer time alone. This helps me Alot as I feel I ask God for help and guidance thru my day. It also helps to get a head start on putting a load of washing on and sorting a to do list so u have a plan of how to shape your day.

Seek professional help if u feel u need to. It’s v heartbreaking watching them sleep when we feel that we could have handled the day better and given a Lil extra love. Just know that despite the chaos u really trying to be a good mum and it’s not an easy task.

46

My 13 will watch her siblings so I can just be alone for a bit. I lock myself in my room

47

Let them have the tv or other tech and take ten minutes or skip the chores and take a bath find time to do anything that calms you you like knitting you do that

48

If you feel this way imagine how they must feel during this pandemic,

49

Workout daily. Therapy. Get away for a night… Or sleep in for a day, c if fam wants them.
This will pass. Take some self care time and straighten your crown

50

I figured out one of my triggers was when everyone came at me with a million questions in the morning before I had time to wake up so I literally get up at 4am just to have a jump on them. I read, sew, binge some TV, whatever I want for 2 hours while I slowly sip my coffee. It’s glorious!

We also go for daily walks. This is for me and my peace of mind. I lost 80 pounds before having my second baby and it was a big deal for me and my self esteem to lose my baby weight. Kids might not always enjoy it but that’s my time. I dedicate so much to their day and their interests they can give me an hour. Plus they run off a lot of energy that way.

51

Go outside and ground! Listen to solfeggio 9 healing frequencies. Drink more water, eat more fruits and vegetables for energy. Get out in nature and have the family do the same. Watch this movie its important for tons of reasons and share it!

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52

There bad because you let them lol!! Sorry I have 5 and yes they made a mess but we clean ed up together I did not let them fight. They were with me 24 7 and now there grown ups and I miss the laughing and driving me crazy days. Keep the. Busy don’t just let the. Be on video games and phones. Take them outside let them burn it off

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53

My kiddos use to frustrate the heck out of me…what are there ages an how many you got…I had 3 tots 15 months apart… if Idk what to tell you without knowing their ages…I did different things at different stages of their lives

54

This is a Trying time for everyone why not start your day with a hike weather permitting or play a game stress free then if you have to do school work try to stay up beat and positive children can sense your mood and it affects them to or maybe just talk calmly about what is bothering them let them pick dinner order out if need be change make a special breakfast Good luck and God Bless

1 Like
55

Reward good behavior, make up paper money and the one that gets the most during each day gets reward.

56

A lady I know starts singing.

57

Cosmic Yoga for Kids is great :slight_smile: And very relaxing :slight_smile:

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58

turn the music loud and everybody dance…

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59

Also though sounds like you need a day to yourself so have hubby or whoever help you by taking the kids for a few hours while you pamper yourself or simply sit at a Starbucks and have alone time :woman_shrugging:

60

Talk to your Dr. Anxiety is no joke and your kids will feed off of your mood.

1 Like
61

Same! I second keeping them busy, wearing them out before they wear you out. It sounds like you’re burnt out and should find ways to make time for yourself (I know, easier said than done!) I was diagnosed with anxiety and started taking a low dose anxiety med and it has made such a tremendous difference.

62

I find listening to music helps. They are already loud and crazy so the music does kind of add to the craziness but I find it helpful anyways. Also trail walks are fun, and then after they are usually tired out so they’ll just watch some TV. If you can’t find anything that helps get your Anxiety under control I’d definitely talk to your doctor though. I have 4 boys so I definitely understand how your feeling, hope things get better for you soon :heart:

63

I find when I get overwhelmed by their actions I tell them I am taking a mommy time out and go to my room or outside and tell them to not bother me for a certain amount of time 10 to 15 minutes typically. I find that this really helps I can come back more level headed then before and we can both communicate better as well (if kids are older)…

64

Keeping the children active be it physically or mentally is the most useful advice I can give you. Wear them out before they wear you out.

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65

Self care is extremely important. Set aside time for yourself away from kid’s. Refill your cup. :blush:

66

I feel the same way!! I’ve been working from home since march, 40 hr weeks, plus trying to keep my toddler busy and learning, house cleaned up, cooking and i have a 16 yr old home doing virtual school…it totally gets overwhelming!!!

3 Likes
67

checkout my blog >> http://supermom.com.au/parenting-style/ Have you ever stopped to think about your overall approach to parenting? Find out whether your parenting style works for you and your children.

68

Give them jobs to do busy hands closed mouths

69

Get some cannabis. Best thing ever

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70

Smoke some weed… for real… turn the tv on give them an electronic, let them do something they don’t get to do very often that they like to do. Go in your bedroom close the door smoke a bowl or joint or whatever. You’ll walk out of that room wondering how you could have even been so irritated in the first place. Then do something fun with the kids :crazy_face:

1 Like
71

I feel this, I get so irritated over stupid things with them. At the end of the day, I swear I’ll do better tomorrow but it never happens. They know I love them and they love me but it makes me feel like a failure. I guess know when to walk away for some me time, even if it’s a couple minutes in a secluded room

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72

I walk away several times a day. I’m always close enough to hear them. But sometimes I have to walk away to keep myself from getting so frustrated.

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73

I understand your feelings. If it’s nice let them play in the backyard. Get up before they do, get your coffee sit on your porch or watch GMA…hey us mother’s can sympathize with you. It’s a tuff job. Just remember your still a good parent even when your getting frustrated

74

I was like this. It was a mixture of stress and anxiety. My anxiety came out as irritation and anger. I am medicated for my anxiety now and it has been helpful. Not in anyway promoting meds because they aren’t for everyone just sharing my experience