i’m a 22 year old woman i’ve never had a serious relationship. i’ve met this guy who is 28, we have great connection and have a wonderful time together. he makes me laugh, he can be vulnerable and open and still have boundaries and isn’t afraid to truly show his true colors. i’m nervous, because he has two kids (5&3) it doesn’t seem to be any baby mama drama, and they have a clear understanding about how to coparent and have respect for the childrens sake. i’ve never dealt with kids before i mean i’m 22. we’ve both discussed that we need to have a stable relationship between us and really know that it’s serious before i meet his kids. and i know we’re no way close to that stage. i never saw myself having a kid because i don’t want to experience pregnancy (my views could change, i’m stills young) but do i walk away because of that view i have, do i deny myself and even him the possibility of a legit love because im afraid? any advice from other ladies/mamas who have been through something serious i could use some guidance
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am nervous to date a man who has kids: Advice?
Just make sure ur ready for that commitment before u enter those kids’ life and they actually get attached to u. It’s not just ur partners life that ur entering!
My fiancé has a baby that’s almost 2 months old now. There’s baby mama drama and I stay because I love him and I love his baby. You may be nervous and end up loving his kids and it being the best thing to happen. But make sure you’re ready for the commitment so you don’t meet them and get to know them and just leave their lives. But I personally love having a stepdaughter she’s perfect and even with all of the drama and everything being with him is the best choice I’ve ever made.
Mmmh your 22 why be tied down
Honestly sounds like a great deal. You dont have to have your own but you get to experience parenthood. You’ll still have time alone with the kids dad obviously when they’re with their mom. Just make sure you love on those kids.
Just remember, if you and his kids were drowning , he would save his kids. Don’t interfere as far as discipline, tell him upfront if you need to escape from the kids, you’re taking me time at your moms,
Kids are amazing. And fun. And stressful. And scary. And small humans, just like you. They can change your life (both good & bad) if you let them. I took on dating my husband when I was 20 whom had an 11 mo old at the time of our meeting and his baby mama came with all the drama because she didn’t want their relationship to end. And now, together we have 4 children (his son and his sister’s 3 kids) & I’m now 31 with a my first biological child on the way. 
It’s absolutely your choice. But, if you’re afraid to love a man because he already has kids, don’t be. If we’re being honest, be glad you found a man who still wants to be a dad and is serious enough about his kids to make sure this is what you’re ready to sign up for before you even meet them. That shows true integrity right there. I’d even go as far as offering to meet his ex before meeting their children together. Befriend her. Show her you’ll be safe around their kids. Again, if that’s the road you’re willing to take. If any of this scares you, that’s okay. It’s okay to take that leap of faith. But, you’ve got to ask yourself if you’re strong enough to deal with whatever happens next. 
From my own experience, I’m 23 with 4 kids of my own and 1 step son. To me, I have 5 kids. I was so excited to meet him when me and my bf when we were comfortable with meeting each other’s kids. I only had 2 kids at the time. U have to let the kids know that u are there for them as well, not just their dad. Don’t force them to like u but don’t make them hate u either. Set boundaries and rules. Treat them as u would ur own kid if u had any but also don’t step on mom’s toes. If u can build a relationship with her as well, definitely try that. Let her know that u are there to love her child too but not to take her place either. Those kids would love the extra love I’m sure.
Kids are scary, being new to them is worse and even the possibility you could one day be thier stepmom. I wouldn’t run away though real love is 100% hard to find plus if you fall in love with him you’ll fall in love with those kids too because they’re a part of him. I had a kid at a young age, younger than you. I’m sure you have this just take it slow and if you end up still not wanting kids you can always just leave since you are waiting to meet them which is a very good and mature decision. Who knows maybe they’ll be what makes you change your mind or be the kids you needed without the baby bump.
Just keep it slow and simple, eventually you will know what to do.
You won’t know if you don’t try.
You know what life is to short. If you can see a future with this bloke go for it.
I had a kid and started a new relationship with someone new we split it didn’t work out but that man still has my child whenever he wants my ex is not his biological father as he’s not in the picture but my ex and me get along even now for my sons sake he loves him like his own and his fiancee watches him takes him out and she works with me if you enter a child’s life stay regardless of y’all’s opinions of each other and don’t put the other parent down because she is the baby mama that stuff the children will realize
You are 22 act like it fr I’m sorry to be mean but grow up
If you’re happy, keep the course.
Dating a single parent should not make you nervous
If you are both happy just let life take its course. Don’t stress the kids, let your heart lead you. You just might find the true love of your life right at your doorstep. The kids will just be a wonderful bonus if it’s meant to be.
I was around 21 when I met my ex husband and he had a child and one on the way that I didn’t know about until after I fell. We had a child together when I turned 25 and raised my brother during that time. I will say this. I was scared but divorced and remarried and his daughter is my daughter! Meaning she’s 21 and I’m still very much her step mom because kids are forever to me. I fell in love with her and I wasn’t willing to loose her. ( I never got to be in the other baby girls life much but still would even now if I could). Kids are freaking amazing!
All of us has have standards and preferences. My kids are grown, youngest 18. I will not date a man with non grown kids.
I from experience would have never married a man with 3 kids…but I did…you need to know why isn’t he with the mother of his kids. Most of the time this man is going to be without money because he has to pay child support and medical insurance on these two kids…and if he isn’t paying child support…you need to run away from this relationship…the drama with the ex was never ending… he’ll have to pay medical insurance on these kids until their 26 years old …and he will not want to father any children with you because …if you two split up now there’s another child he will have to support…do your self a favor and don’t get involved with this mess…it’s not a mess yet…but it will be…
Honestly your 22, I’d live your life and enjoy your care free freedom hahah. You’ll figure out if dating a man with kids is your thing or not, follow your heart on this one despite what everyone comments
Then don’t look for advice on face book.
Just go with the flow. Enjoy the time you have now.
Go with your gut feeling chick ! But I feel your so right not to rush it with his children, if it’s ment to be chick it will happen, good luck 
Sooo I was 19 when I had my son and I wasn’t sure about even having kids! I love my son 100% like I’d do anything for my baby. Well dating someone with kids now that I have one was always iffy with me……well I met my current boyfriend a year ago and he’s got 2 of his own……they are 8 and 5. I was so skeptical first. Like I just wanted a guy who was by himself like no kids other than my one son. The first time I was actually with him and his kids……I fell in love instantly. His little girl LOVES me. She’s now my little girl. 
our two boys get along and play together. It’s definitely a change for me bc I never dated someone who had kids……but now I wouldn’t change it for the world! I love his two like I do my own son. I have 3 kids and I’m so happy and wouldn’t change it for anything! I took a chance. It’s all about how you feel about that one person. I’m a package deal just like he was. And I was willing to take it……it just depends on you and how you feel. 
life’s too short to not take a chance on love. Just see how it works for you
Take in knowledge it may feel scary cause it’s new something you’ve never had to go through before . My advice is be strong you can do this kiddos have a way of being there in all the right times an ways even if they aren’t biologically yours there love is real an unconditional. And might guide you and possibly change your mind. Give it a chance an good luck to you 
At 22, I had just gotten out of an engagement with someone with a kid. He didn’t have any custody and that’s one of the main reasons he’s an ex. If you don’t want kids, I wouldn’t be with someone who had kids. I am a mother and refuse to date anyone who doesn’t want kids.
I mean, he has kids, which means you can have kids without experiencing pregnancy. 
BUT if you’re asking the question here, you already know how you feel about it and just maybe looking for a little support.
I’m glad you know he has kids. He’s an honest guy.
It takes a super hero of a person to co parent someone else’s kids. Many aren’t made of the cloth needed to fill those shoes.
See how things go. If being a co parent at your age doesn’t work, you can walk away. Be careful to not let the kids get attached to you until you know what you want to do, though.
I really wish you all the best here. It is a challenge but parenting can bring so much joy especially as you grow older. Seeing life and experiencing adventures through the eyes of a child is nothing short of miraculous.
Kids are involved so if you aren’t sure please move on. It’s not just about your love. In order to be with someone with kids you have to be sure, there’s not a lot of room for error. This is 2 little lives you will have an impact on. You’re dating their dad there’s no way you won’t impact them once y’all meet. You need to figure out how you feel about kids before you meet his. I don’t mean whether you want them, that doesn’t matter. I mean you need to figure out if OTHER PEOPLE’S kids is a deal breaker for you. That is the most important factor, your love doesn’t matter. You can find 1000 childless lovers to replace him, there’s not just 1 man on the planet and you missed your shot at 22. That’s not how that works.
That part of u that says girl run, is probably right. If it sounds like too much don’t commit because u can’t love him and hate/ dislike his kids or not even want kids they are in the picture. But then again love covers all so maybe as you get to know each other more things will change.
If you aren’t feeling the kid portion of this; move on. It would be hard on everyone for a bond to be made and things go south - especially the kids.
Do you personally not want children (right now) or none at all? I only ask because I just went through this kinda thing with my now ex husband. At first he personally didn’t want any children himself and by the time we were 6 months into our marriage he admitted his didn’t want children or any kind.
Don’t walk away… try it out. You are still young and like you said you may change your mind about kids later on. It sounds like he is a really good guy and I’m sure if and when you guys are more serious you will adore his kids. Don’t me nervous. Just be honest with him about you feel. You could be denying yourself the love and happiness you deserve.
If you feel this way about kids
Walk away before he falls in love with you
Him and his kids are a package deal
You should look for a bloke who doesn’t have or want kids
As your emotionally to young and
Self centered to love some one with kids
Better do it now before meeting his kids
Remember
His kids will always take priority over you
Rikki Mays it’s not like the olden days my mother an father were together since teens been married now almost 50 years I was 15 when I got with my husband it’s 20 years I been with this man our oldest daughter is 19 it’s so crazy how people are just like friends with benefits or sleep around or as they call it have fun
Don’t do it! Way too stressful
Definitely don’t meet the kids until you KNOW you are in it for the long haul.
Once you guys get serious, meet the Mama before you meet the kids.
No, I don’t think you should pass up on possible love because he has kids.
Your too young to make that sort of serious commitment and you could regret it, being a parent is hard and you should just enjoy life right now and not worry about such a serious decision and then get the kids involved and now they get heart broken
If your wishy washy about it you need to walk away before you hurt both of yall for no reason. If you were more on the fence of you want kids but aren’t ready I’d say go for it. No one’s ever really ready for a kid but with how you stated you feel I don’t think your ready to try it
Focus on now. Stop thinking so much about future. Worry about that when you are in that moment. For now… focus on now… it’s the only thing you can do something with. So what ever you do… follow your joy… now. Do the next best thing, now. The future and the past only exist in your mind… as thoughts… all you have is now.
I say see how it goes . Wait a couple months you have plenty of time before you meet the kids . And if you truly don’t want to have a pregnancy. I’ve had 4 I get it its not for everyone . But maybe this could be a blessing . I mean if everything works out with him you could become a step parent . And your right maybe one day you’ll want to birth a child. But its ok to necwr want to do thw whole pregnancy thing. I think its very mature of you to truly think this over and to see what is best for you short and long term 
Walk away live life to the full then think about family life x
I think you should first ask yourself if you are just adverse to pregnancy itself, or if you actually want to live a kid-free life. If you just didn’t want to go through pregnancy, but don’t have a problem having kids in your life, then this might actually be the perfect opportunity for you. But if you just don’t want to have to be involved with kids at all, have to help raise them, etc, then yes, it’d probably be best to break up.
And no judgment either way! Its good to know these things about yourself, and it doesn’t make you a bad person if you don’t want kids!
Do you have anyone in your life who has kids around that age? Cousins, siblings, etc? If so, maybe see if you could start spending some time with those kids - take them on an outing, or for a sleepover, or something like that. Get some experience of being around kids as a caretaker, and see what your feelings are. That might help you make a decision.
Whatever you decide, it’s ok. Good luck!
Some of these comments 
Advice? Don’t date a man with children.
Honestly kids are great and bring alot of joy but they’re extremely hard work and taking on a role model figure in a child’s life is massive. If you really like the guy don’t let kids stop you but you have to understand that if you want to be with someone that has kids your accepting the a big responsibility. You’re helping those children become good people and well rounded adults one day x
If you not ready to deal with the fact he has kids then break it off before it gets too serious, the kids will always be important in his life and nothing will change that
Can you handle ALWAYS coming in 2nd after his kids? If not then walk
Hey, what if the roles were reversed & you were the one with kids?
Would you want him to walk away from something that could be a forever thing?
Take it slow…
I think you’d fall more in love with his kids than him, once ya meet them😊
Kids are amazing and adjust well
OMGosh I hope you hang in there n y’all become a blended family❤️(by blended, I mean with mom in the pic too lol maybe one day y’all will have kids together, if u change ur mind about pregnancy, that is)
Good luck, sweetie!
Don’t do it. RUN!!! YOUR TOO YOUNG.
You should keep in mind he doesn’t have them full time, and it sounds like you really connect with this person.
I think you’re borrowing trouble. Maybe it will fall apart when you meet the kids, or maybe it’ll be the best thing to ever happen to you. You can’t know that where you are, but it would be foolish to walk away from an enjoyable experience because it might not be forever.
Listen to your heart.
YOU ARE BEING WAY TO HARD ON YOURSELF AND OVERTHINKING
You have just started this relationship if you enjoy your time with this guy then continue and take it slow
You shouldnt be in any rush to be making any harsh decisions
Just because you arent thinking of having a child you never know maybe down the road you might want one but maybe not but right now its not important
If you stay together for awhile then he will introduce you to his kids…which us no big deal if you dont maje it a big deal
My daughter didnt want any kids and got together with someone 3 years ago they now live together and his 13 and 16 year old come every weekend
Yeah walk away, sounds like u still got a lot of growing up to do still
Children are a big responsibility. He will put these kids before you, as he should. And children especially at those ages can get attached. So don’t come into their lives if you’re not ready to be a part of it. Staying with this man, means that’s there’s a chance you could become a step parent, keep that in mind. Going from being free to do anything to want, to having 2 children. I love children, To me, they give life purpose. I had my first child at 19, so while my friends were out drinking and partying, I was home, taking care of my child. Its a different life style. I met a guy a year later, and he kinda had the same opinion as you, wasn’t sure if he wanted kids, he was 21 when we started dating. He loved my son and they bonded. We’ve been together ever since, married for 5 years yesterday and we have a child together now too. If you really like this man, go for it!
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You’re 22 and want to be a step mom? Others your age are studying, finding career paths living their life and you want to worry about another woman’s kids. Are you fine?
Sounds like you aren’t ready. Step back and take a break. Really think it all over. If things got serious are you willing to take on the responsibility of the 2 kids he has as a stepparent? If not, leave and don’t look back.
Well you don’t have to experience pregnancy. Go slow maybe it’ll help you with your views
Dating doesn’t make you a stepmom to his kids. But what you have to know is his kids WILL and SHOULD come before you do. And if that is something you can’t handle then don’t waste his time or yours.
DO NOT meet those babies unless y’all plan to have a future.
And when I was 22 I dated an older guy with a 4 year old. I was so awkward at first cause I didn’t know anything about kids but man do babies have a way of stealing your heart. I still think about that beautiful princess. Her dad ewww. But I am sad we created a bond and I am no longer able to be there for her.
Point is. Know YOU are ready before you enter into a family. 
Regardless of the fact that you aren’t a step mom yet join some Facebook step mom support groups. It’ll give you sooooo much insight into the life you’re getting yourself into. If you can read all about it and still want to try then maybe he’s “the one”. Good luck either way
Dont waste his or your time . Kids are alot of work and will always come first. Also depending on his relationship with their mom if she senses the kids love you she may accept it or make it hard on you. But remember kids get more attached and they already been through their parents not being together
Having kids is hard af but rewarding! If you don’t want to get pregnant but think kids are still an option this is honestly your best case. Take it really slow and see where things go. If your not meeting his kids right away there’s no harm in seeing where things go.
Children are a blessing and if you are not prepared to accept them then you should not enter into a serious relationship with this man… If he is a good man and a good father he deserves someone that is going to accept and love his children … They are a package deal…
Isn’t this a mama’s page?
It’s a huge responsibility and commitment. If you aren’t ready to take on the possible future outcomes of this then I’d decline going any further. Casually dating and falling in love, eventually means taking on a family not just a partner. It’s not an impossible situation, just a lot for someone your age.
I think you should move on .
If your gonna be with him and everything thing is good on the baby mama no drama it will be ok as long as the kids love you and you love them they are still small so that’s allot easier
Don’t do it. Don’t waste your time.
If you like him then give it a chance BUT before things get serious tell him how you feel about not wanting to get pregnant but that how you feel could change. He already has children so there could be a chance that he doesn’t want anymore, but you won’t know until you discuss it.
l get paid over $190 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $17661 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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Step out of this relationship now. Keep him as a friend but not a serious commitment.
Ask him and talk to him about his kids. Get to know them before you meet them.
Does daddy know u dont want kiddos ?
l Get paid over $ 145 per h0ur working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $19627 a m0nth doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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You aren’t prepared to be a stepmother. Walk away.
When I was 22 I met my husband and took on 4 kids. We’ve been together 11 years this year and honestly I would do it all again. I raised my nieces, nephews, and siblings so I had experience with kids and always wanted them in the future. I couldn’t have children due to infertility but I was blessed with raising mine now. It takes a lot to be a stepmom. You will catch puke, deal with flu bugs, place doctors appointments, run to practices and attend every detail of their lives now until then end of yours. I think you need to take a step back and evaluate before you meet them. It’s a long road ahead of you and it doesn’t just hurt you and your partner if you split up
I have bad experience and I was over 30 years old and love love kids. It always started our sweet and lovable but it went to hell. I don’t wish anyone to experience it. Baby mama is psycho and brainwashed the kids to hate their father and me as soon as she saw how happy we were. If you’re my sister or someone I close to. I prayed that they will run for their life. Some bio parents are great but my experience with in and out the court and cps…ughh I don’t wish that on anybody else. Take time, you’re too young to be a step mom. Don’t ignored any red flag
I would date someone else, there are many fish in the sea, 22 was the BEST YEAR of my life…and girl it goes quickly. DO NOT SETTLE, as much as you feel like…wow im single, I miss a mans touch…THAT mans touch will always be there. just wait till you find someone who aligns with you in every way…its NO JOKE , and wish I could have taken my advise years ago and foound a better fit…nooo, I jumped the gun, I was “lonely”, and now I have to face that choice everyday because we have a child together.
You’re only 22. Live your life. Being with someone with kids means commitment to them and the kids, and it means having kids in your life. Since you do not want or see yourself with kids, this is not ideal for you. Having kids means they come first.
Being pregnant and bring a bonus mom are 2 separate things. You say you don’t want to experience pregnancy but you could still be a bonus mom. But IF there’s NO desire at all to be a mom then walk away now! Don’t waste his or your time! His kids will ALWAYS be 1st!
Walk away.You are not ready.You will find a better fit and he will find someone who is mentally ready to be a step mom. Go live your life.
Not wanting to be pregnant is a far cry from not liking kids. He already had two. May not want more. That’s fine. By the sounds of it, their mother is very actively involved. You wouldn’t automatically assume the role of “mom” once you potentially met his children.
My ex and I co parent as well and we have what sounds like the same agreement he has with his ex. One of my biggest concerns is someone who meets our daughter needs to know they are not the new “mom”. I am her mother. Period. End of story. But she also must treat my daughter well … and my daughter needs to be well behaved for her.
So my advice would be, before you meet his children really ask yourself could you potentially go on a date with him with them there? Could you play with them? Have fun with them? Be there for them? They have a mother, but could you be a bonus parent so to say?
… if you don’t want kids…and he already has kids(and if he is ok with not wanting more)… then wouldn’t that be like the perfect situation for you? You get bonus kids, without having to be pregnant… now, obviously the entire story isn’t here, but so far it sounds like you’re just scared of getting into something serious at such a young age.
l get paid over $190 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $17661 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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Some things you have to do scared. And if you walk away, do you want to always wonder what might have been? Try it. If it doesn’t work then you can leave
Just reading your post speaks volumes about your maturity level in this situation. I think your approach is great and given how you feel once meeting those children I think you’d be a great coparent if thats what you choose. There’s nothing wrong with how you feel right now about the situation.
So different point of view… before I met my husband, I never wanted children. No desire to be a mom or go through pregnancy…. Buuut then, I saw my husband with his daughter (who was 2 at the time) I met her BEFORE we were serious… before we were actually even dating. We were just friends hanging out. Seeing him with her was what changed everything. I quickly grew a bond with her and cared about her. I actually told her I loved her before I told my now husband. Even then, I was content being a bonus mom and nothing more. I loved this little girl as if she were my own. Creating a bond with her only increased the bond and love I shared with my husband. I’ve since had one child with one on the way. My husband and I started dating when we were 23/24, so yes, absolutely, your views could change, but I will say, if you have no desire to even be a motherly figure to a human you didn’t give birth to, now would be the time to step away, because being with him means those children will be part of your family as well. Blended families do have their difficulties, I definitely won’t say it’s all easy, especially at first before getting into a schedule/routine, but I will say, if it’s in your heart, it’s so so worth it. Honestly, even though you said you didn’t want to meet them before you two are serious, I’d almost encourage you to meet them before hand so you can decide if having them as part of your life as well is worth it, because I’m sure there will be some sacrifices made on your part and waiting until you two are serious to decide you can’t handle being a bonus mom may be even harder for everyone.
Good luck with whatever you choose.
I did this! I was 21 and fell for my now husband who had 2 kids… 13 years later and we have 2 of our own I’m glad I didn’t turn away… but boyyyy what a ride!! So much baby mama drama… so much court… and the children were taught to hate me…it’s still drama with them and they are grown!!! I never wanted kids either when I started and ignored my own wishes because I was infatuated. I don’t regret it because we have a beautiful life now but it did not come without challenges.
Well, I’m sure the guy is very nice. But he and his kids are a package deal. If you can’t see yourself with kids or don’t want kids, this is not the relationship you want. Gently tell him he’s a nice guy and move on.
Please if you do this, don’t come to play no games with this man’s heart.
I married a man with 2 kids when I was 21, and he was 25. We’ve been together since 1992. There was no baby drama much, but I always respectfully referred her to him when dealing with the kids. We went on to have two children of our own. My first was born when I was 28. Good luck with your decision.
Ive veen involved with/engaged to people with kids… The one woman left a 6 mo old baby abd a 2.5 yr old. Raised those kids for 3 yrs… WAYYYYYYA to much drama… And I couldnt say anything as I wasnt their mom… I left… And dont date anyone with young kids!
Having children does change everything. If your happy with how the relationship is now then maybe consider it. He will have to split his time. Most people want children. I never did and never had any. Since he has kids then he may not pressure you into having any. It’s a deep question. Have this conversation later before you meet his kids. Give it a year. Your young and free and can do anything you want. You may not want to be tied down just yet.
Don’t take men with kids at that age. You need to start your own new. I Belice people with kids should b with other single parents.
If you’re not ready for kids and know for a fact you aren’t ready then the kindest thing you can do is walk away.
My opinion, your views sound wrong. You explained it as you’re afraid of pregnancy, having these bonus kids aren’t meaning you have to go through any pregnancy 
huge difference.
Best advice. Is just be there for them. You aren’t the parent.