I have a question my husband who I’ve been with for almost a year has a friend who is a girl that he claims is like a sister to him but she is not blood related at all I don’t like her or even trust her at all he has been talking to her behind my back while he’s at work how I know this is yes I got his phone and seen she was the last person he spoke to on messenger I asked him why are u talking to her I said you know I don’t like her or even trust her and I don’t want you talking to her, and he said to me well I’m sorry she is like a sister to me, and you are gonna have to get over it because I am going to continue talking to her… This is the second marriage I went through something similar to this with my ex-husband for 16 years before I divorced him I feel like my ex-husband would talk to other girls and say oh they’re just friends or like sisters to him then it escalated to more… what would yall do in this kind of situation should I go put in for a divorce from my new husband or what I just don’t want the same thing happening to me that I went through for 16 years.
I think it’s totally inappropriate for him to be doing anything behind your back. You’re his wife, and he should care more about your feelings than his friendship with that woman. Sorry.
Would you have an issue if said friend was male and like a brother to him? I think it’s good to have friends of both sexes. Me and my husband have! I would never expect him to give me an ultimatum over friends so I certainly wouldn’t do it to him x
My son is in this situation… There’s nothing going on in his case… It’s like family… Maybe you could get to know her more an have fun.
Give him the choice either me or her. If he picks her. Then you’ll no to move on.
He dont understand you.He will regret when he ruins marriage.
My husband has more female friends then males. If you trust him it shouldnt be a problem. A relationship is based on trust. If you dont trust him then yes file for divorce.
It is possible to have this kind of relationship with the opposite gender… My best friend and “brother” of 19 years is one of the most important people in my life and theres never been a hint of romantic anything between the 2 of us i can count how many times weve even hugged on both hands in almost 2 decades…
Had my husband acted like this about him our relationship would NOT have lasted. David was there when no one else was when i became a teen mom hes had my back thru every hardship ive ever faced i wouldnt give his friend ship up for anyone
He has already told you his choice, he just said it in other words…
listen to your intuition. if you feel there is something more to it there is probably is. yes she may be a long time friend/like a sister but you know that even in laws comes second to the wife. the spouse shall always be the top and only priority next with the children so i think it is only right to feel hurt/anger/disrespected that your husband makes you feel that this friend is more important to you. Learn from what you have experience from your last marriage and from then decide if your current marriage is still worth saving. you know that things will keep on repeating itself until you learn your lesson.
Too bad. You don’t have to nothing her. If you make him choose, you may not like who he keeps.
My best friend died last week. My husband didn’t like or trust him, but he was told, don’t make me choose, because I would choose my best friend. I had him first, before my husband. It was never hidden. You either trust me, or you dont. If you dont, pack ya shit. Cause If I wanted him that way, I would have made it happen.
If he wanted her, he would be with her and not you.
How long have you been with him? Has he been friends with her before you came into the picture? If so, maybe you could call her and ask to meet up with her for lunch or coffee, get to know each other. If she came into the picture after you, then I think that is wrong. Either way, he should be considerate of your feelings, so should the other girl. Maybe sit down with him and explain your feelings, if you haven’t done so already.
I think you need to be very careful not to make your current husband pay for your last ones mistakes.
Aside from talking to this one friend, has he given you any reason to mistrust him? Has he done or said anything that would indicate he is any less devoted to you? While I’m not a fan of discrediting your gut feelings, the fact you spent so much of your post discussing your ex husband’s sins as the reason to mistrust him talking to this woman, it could be more about your insecurities.
I think you should seek out a support group, counseling or therapy (I’m not being an asshole, I’m being sincere) and talk through your feelings with a professional before you end your marriage. I think there is lingering baggage from your last marriage that is spilling into this one, and even if he is cheating, being in therapy can help you navigate that better and direct you down a path that may help you avoid being attracted to that type of man again. If he’s not, therapy can help you learn how to trust and be vulnerable without fear, or at least the demons from the past breathing down your neck.
Did you know about her before and were fine with it?
As a woman, if I knew I was causing marriage issues for someone who is truly my friend I would step away from that friendship. Because that is what a real friend would do.
He WANTS to talk to her or he wouldn’t. Find out why.
If he is sneaking and lying about it then he has an entirely different issue with integrity.
I couldn’t stay married to someone who lies to me.
Was he friends w her before you? If so you should have put a stop to that right then now if it’s after you & him this “friendship” 
has to go or he goes
You’ve only been together a year and he’s your husband?
Was this girl around before you? Did you know she existed when you meet him? Was she at your wedding?
Besides him talking to her behind your back, it could be because they are close friends and you have made a huge deal out of nothing.
People of opposite sex can be best friends and be nothing romantic.
Invite her over, see how they are with each other.
He should want you guys to get to know each other since you’re the wife and she’s the bff
Run my ex had multiple sisters and they were always number one to him over me and no he didn’t know them before we dated however we never married we do Have a child together
The fact you went threw his phone, tells me you are the one who shouldn’t be trusted.
Invite her over for coffee and get to know her. Your intuition will tell u more once u have sat with them both and see how they act around each other
If he doesn’t respect you enough to give up his girlfriend then he doesn’t really love you
I mean why don’t you like her? Is she like a sneaky bitch or are you just jealous and letting previous experiences cloud your judgement? I have a friend whose girlfriend DOES NOT like me and I dont like her, but I’ve been friends with this friend for going on 7 years now. His gf tried to tell him that he couldnt be friends with me but he told her “she’s been my friend for a long time, I’m sorry but you got me fucked up if you think I’m gonna not be her friend” and we are truly JUST friends. So idk unless you have valid reasons as to why you dont like her, I say leave your husband alone. 💁
There should only be one best girl friend and that’s you, if you feel threatened then you have every right to feel that way. If it bugs you, then you also have every right that it does. He needs to come to terms that you’re more important and he will lose you if she doesn’t back up
You don’t trust him. You went through his phone. He already said he’s not going to change.
It’s doomed.
Walk away. Save yourself heartache.
What reasons has she given you not to trust her ? would be my question. If this situation, is one of the most common in this generation, which is because she’s a female like yourself you don’t trust her. I wouldn’t be able to be with someone who’s insecure because I have a friend of the opposite sex. My friends are my husbands friends, and his friends are my friends. However if you do have valid reasoning, and he still continues to talk to her. I would consider counseling, and communication to be your main two things to work on before throwing in the towel.
I’d have a chat with the girl maybe let her know it’s not helping your marriage? Seems he’s already put his opinion down you were “told “basically too d-mmmm bad get over it WOW I’d be closing out bank accounts packing up n be out of where you are !! If he said that to me bye bye 
I think you are projecting your last marriage on to this one. If he’s just talking to her as a friend, perhaps that really is all there is to it. If you constantly put people in the position of it’s me or them, eventually they will get tired of it.
Why don’t you like her and not trust her? My husband has a lot of female friends that were in the picture before me. And there is one or 2 that I’m not fond of. But as long as he isn’t acting shady I don’t care who he talks to.
Have the " I’m the wife" talk with her.
First of all, you cannot make your new husband pay for the mistakes your previous husband made. Secondly, if you try to dictate who he can be friends with, you will definitely push him away and he will resent you even if he gives u what u want. The problem is not him, it is your insecurity and u are going to have to work on that or every relationship u have will have the same outcome. If u truly love this man u will have to decide to trust him and be happy until he gives u reason not to or be single until u can learn to trust again…
Uh yeah. It’s about respect.
It’s very simple, without trust in a relationship or marriage it is doomed. Also, there is 0 reason someone can’t have friends of the opposite sex. Anyone that isn’t ok with this (other than for reasons of infidelity) is just super insecure.
Idc what ANYONE says. Anyyyyy time I have ever heard a man say “she’s like a sister” means like maybe a sister wife…but not sister lmao. They alwayssss have or will have sex.
If you don’t trust your husband 100% then you should put in for a divorce. He made it clear he wants to talk to her. And since your not ok with that, it’s only going to get ugly from here. You will ruin yourself if your always having to worry especially since he picked her over you.
I think maybe you’re bringing your problems with your ex-husband’s into your new marriage. He was friends with her before yall got married especially for her to be like his sister so you knew what you were getting into. He married you not her. You don’t have to trust her, as long as you trust him it shouldn’t matter. I think if he wanted to be with her he could’ve done that before he met you. Also, what are their conversations about? If he’s not hiding it from you then he feels like it’s no big deal. I understand that he should respect your feelings but honestly are you being inconsiderate of his feelings? I think you may end up pushing him away if you’re being insecure because of your past relationship issues.
I have a best guy friend of 18+ years. My brother is what I call him. I do call him at all hours as does he. But he told his current and all gfs about me from basically our first phone call - he lives hours away.
I did date one guy who hated him - I would still speak to my brother weekly. id rather lose the bf than my brother/best friend. Chance I took. That guy is long gone and I still have my brother.
First, you only known him for a year? I know you don’t trust because of what happened to you in the past.Did you know about her before you married him? I would go to counseling and let them tell him how immature he is being! How come you didn’t know their relationship was so important to him? I just don’t get this! Why are you already throwing in the towel on your marriage? Something is not adding up! You both sound like you need to grow up!
Sorry honey… she was there before you. Will most likely be there after you’re gone.
Um no. Trust him. Or leave.
Really men have a right to their freedom. You ahould never remarry again because you will have this problem all over again. I have my special male friends and no husband or partner can tell me to stop talking to them. Give your partner space.
Why should he choose. You’ve been with him a year that’s his best friend. So you don’t like her. Why??? Give a better reason than you don’t trust her. If she wanted him most likely she could’ve had him before you came around. Sometimes you have to have faith in the man you married. It’s ok to feel vulnerable because it’s happened to you before but don’t make him choose. If he chooses you and let’s her go, you and his friendship will change and then you and his marriage will get complicated. Just my thoughts
Emotional infidelity is real if he has something to talk about it should be with you, he is disrespecting you for god sakes listen to your gut… you did not share if he was ever intimate with her, that would be a deal-breaker.
Men or husbands dont need to have "girl friends " they talk to daily or chat with constantly he needs to talk to his wife like a best friend not another woman trust your instincts
I went through the same thing. You need to let the past go. My fiancee has friends who are girls he doesnt interact with that much bit I know he is faithful. You need to speak with her one on one and everything g will fall into place. You will know if something is up.
He’s cheating. Plain n simple. Leave.
I was going to come and say what quite a few already have. Don’t punish your current significant other because of what someone in your past did. Although I don’t believe he should be hiding his friendship from you I don’t think you should discredit their friendship so quick. I truly believe men and women can be platonic friends. My bff is a guy. And I have zero romantic feelings for him. Get to know her before judging her. Hang out with her. Hang out with them both at the same time. I don’t want you to discredit your gut feeling IF that’s truly what it is and not just projecting your insecurities and hurts from your past. Not all men are the same.
Something my therapist told me, “Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy?”
Let your past experience go and talk to your husband about the way you feel. Also, you may want to see a therapist, it does not sound like you’ve gotten past what your ex did and didn’t do, that’ll for sure trash your new relationship
You sounds like a fucking psycho. Leave the man alone! He should be the one divorcing you!
If he is doing it behind your back he’s hiding an affair, divorce his no good ass
Intuition is everything 
Other than your insecurities from your last marriage , what have they done to make you think you cant trust your husband, or this woman? Has your husband not introduced you two?Why did you even get married dragging that baggage from your last marriage? Let that shit go or get divorced. You are literally giving ultimatums to your husband for no good reason. And no you have no business reaching out to this woman.
well if he chise you to be his wife and this girl has been aroubd for along time. why are you worried. he didnt marry her
It doesnt sound like they have given you any reason to make you distrust them. People can just be friends you know. I have a long term boyfriend, we live seperate. Many of my friends are males and i catch up with them in my free time. Same as females. Sounds like your dynamic is pretty unhealthy. Perhaps your paranoia comes from a place of insecurity.
And good on him for standing his ground. If my man tried to tell me to drop any of my close and long term friends id drop him. Thats control.
If your man is cheating then leave, simple. But he is allowed friends and if you dont trust him due to your own issues, thats not fair for him anyway
You have learned not to trust …your ex husband hurt you very badly…you need to see someone to help you heal, if you give new hubby ultimatum or keep pressing him to stop talking to her, you will lose him
So hes not concerned hurting his wife over her but hes concerned about hurting her over his wife.
Hes up to no good. He obviously isn’t husband worthy.
If he has the audacity to disrespect you like that, then its up to you to get gone or suck it up. Be smart.
It sounds like you have trust issues. That girl is family and has she given any reason for you not to like her? You sound judgy and a bit controlling to me. 🤷🏼
Men are allowed to have friends that are women. Especially if they’ve been friends since before you. It’s not fair to make him choose between a good friend and you. Men deserve to have good support systems and sometimes that involves people of the opposite sex. This situation sounds like it has more to do with you than it does with her. I also agree with what others have said about projecting the issues from your previous relationship. Maybe try some counseling to work through those issues.
I was just speaking to a male friend yesterday, who admits his bestie female friend was complicating his dating. Why? He has come to realize his fiancé/wife is his best friend. Other women can be his friend and 1 or 2 women may be close friends, but his romantic life partner deserves best friend status. Not everyone needs to believe this. But I feel his female bestie complicated his last 3 relationships.
If u can’t trust him kick him to the curb trust is Everthing
My best friend is a man. We talk and respect the boundaries. His gf may not like me but i am the very last person she should ever worry about. If she was his friend before you married and were aware then why are you so threatened now. Maybe you should spend some time to get to know her for yourself. Youre building a wall that doesnt have to be built.
Had the same situation for 22 years, we’re divorced and he still sees his friend on a daily. Shitcan his ass!
If he talks to her at work he is bring secretive besides when your at work u need to be WORKING not texting or talking. No I been through this too. Its def a RED FLAG
This page is absolutely insane… 90 percent of you commenting to divorce him arent even fcking married or in any form of relationship… I wonder why 
if your already thinking of divorce then you have your mind made up already. Stop asking stupid question when you dont want stupid answers. Be logical and reasonable. Grow up.
Well interesting…the only woman he should be talking to is you.
I would not be concerned that they talk BUT I would be very concerned with his attitude and his lack of concern for me.
If his concern for you is nothing in such a short time it won’t improve.
If she was in his life before you and they were friends and you married him knowing this then sorry but you have no say.
Partners are allowed seperate friends you can’t dictate who they can and can’t interact with.
My best friend is a male and my partners best friend is a female.
We knew this prior to getting into a relationship and we have made the effort to get to know the others friend.
I have trust that if she was to say or do something that we both consider crossing a line he would block her.
Have faith in your husband, ask him to stop hiding that they talk and to be open about the conversations.
Communication is massive! Let him know that him hiding the contact makes you more insecure and ask if it would be ok if you all met for dinner somewhere so that you were able to meet her too!
Who knows you may have a lot in common and become good friends too.
Could be your insecurities from last marriage but if he’s doing it behind your back it’s because he knows it’s wrong! BIG RED FLAG
You just sound pretty insecure to many. Too many missing pieces to this puzzle for me to give me 5 cents
Kick him to the curb or find you your long lost brother
Your his wife … you are supposed to come before all others . If he is choosing her then let him have her and walk
Number one, your man shouldn’t want you to ever feel uncomfortable… if he won’t stop talking to her, won’t try to explain and sit you all down to explain, limit the times of talking. Show you conversations etc. It’s not right
If he is honest and open about his contact to his friend and it has never escalated to anything more in all the yrs he has known her then you you need to have a bit of faith in him n I’d try and make this girl yr friend too
You’re taking your trust issues out in him. If they were friends before you came along, they could have been together if they wanted to. He chose you. You will make yourself miserable worrying about it … and him too, which will he the end of your relationship
Every relationship is different my deceased husband had a best friend and it so happens when I personally meet her we became the best of friends . Never in a million years would I distrust them together , they had known each other from 1st grade and grew up like brother and sister . Don’t let your past ruin your future . And don’t discount your gut feeling either . Just saying some men are good others are not but that works for women as well . Your instincts are 99 % correct also follow them is what I tell myself . Good Luck with your decision .
Guys and gals can be friends without sleeping together…
I’ve had a friend for 30 years, and we have been exactly just that, friends. You dont like her because what happened with your exhusband, not because of what the current husband has done…see if you and her can connect, you never know what kind of friendship may develop.
Don’t unpack your luggage from your old marriage in your new one. I’m curious why this wasn’t addressed before the wedding since it seems she’s been his friend a lot longer than he’s known you. And why jump to divorce so quick? Wouldn’t counseling be the next step? Laying out ultimatums would probably backfire. And if he’s aware of your last marriage’s issues, he should try to find middle ground with his wife and best friend. Trust is already damaged because of your past and now you’re snooping through his phone…
Go with your gut if you feel something is not right then he’s probably being unfaithful and it doesn’t have to be sexual. If he’s telling you to deal with it he doesn’t respect you.
Dump his ass if he can’t put you before her. Period
If you had a male friend that your husband wanted you to kick to the curb, would you? Whatever your answer is, is what you should expect from your husband. A spouse should mean a lot more than a friend.
you need to work on yourself, that is ur insecurity talking which means u ddnt heal from the past experience n u r probably gonna self sabotage without realising…there cud b nothing going on between them or there cud b something either way step back n pray to God to reveal the truth to u…good luck
You are basically saying that he can never have female friends and can never talk to females because of you. You are bat shit.
Oooooooh this is a hard one … I personally wouldn’t do it … my ex husbands Friend that was a girl also claimed to be my best friend… well hence both not in my life now …
My best friend is now a married dude. He’s been my best friend for 15 years and her husband for 2 years. It would be totally crazy if she tried to tell him he can’t talk to me anymore. If you don’t trust this guy around his friends, why did you even marry him?
Your husband should be putting you first…period. If you have explained your uncomfortable with him talking to her and he says “get over it” something isn’t right there…sorry. He’d only tell me that one time 
Has he ever done anything to make you not trust him? Were they friends before you came around? Give her a shot and trust him. You will ruin your marriage if you dont
All you people would just give up your best friend if your spouse told you to? That’s just crazy
Your relationship should come first. This is the person you chose, and they chose, to spend the rest of y’alls lives with. Friends will come and go. They have their own lives, families, and it’s your spouse that you have to come home to every day. I have had plenty of guy friends. Close friends too. I have always respected them and their relationship and took a back seat. His friend should be doing the same. If she isn’t, it’s more then just being a friend. Your husband needs to acknowledge you and your emotional needs as well. He needs to help you feel secure in the relationship. But you also need to be secure with yourself. Is she being blatantly disrespectful? Do they have a history?
follow your guts after all this is your second
Your insecurity runs deep
You need to see someone about your insecurity…
He,s fucking around
…leave him now! It’s only gonna get worse
He should be putting u first before her so what if shes like a sister well she isint his sister this is tommy rot you’ve got desicions to make good luck luck
I’m very old school about things like this. There is no need for married people to have friends of the opposite sex. IF you do, then there should be no conversations that your spouse does not know about and you sure as hell do not need to be in each other’s company without your spouse. Those of you saying this woman should not have an issue with it obviously don’t understand that your relationship with your spouse is more important than any other. I’m really pissed off and troubled by the husband’s response to his wife. He basically said he doesn’t care about his wife’s feelings which is straight up bullshit! I wish my husband would tell me something like that when I asked him not to continue talking to some woman I don’t like. “Sis” would have a new “brother” moving in with her because his ass would be put out of my house.
You definitely sound immature and insecure. Going through your husbands phone is a no-no. Trust him or move on. The girl has nothing to do with this. You’re reflecting your previous marriage’s troubles into your new one and the husband is going to resent you and push you away. You still have time to save your marriage, if that is what you so wish. Seek counseling!
My ex husband done this to me and was even going over to this girls house with her husband gone. I knew they were friends we got married but he went on to say she’s the sister he never had and always defending her and even told me he would choose her over me. Needless to say he is going through his 2nd divorce, because he is doing the same thing with this woman he was with me. Karma well played. Your gut is never wrong
I think is insecurities from past experiences seeping through to new ones and if you don’t work on or will ruin this experience. People have friends before they meet their significant others. If they were going to be together they already would have. Work on that past anxiety chick.
You have trust issues. Unfortunately you can’t stop anyone from cheating and there is no point in making yourself go crazy thinking they will.
You need to heal from the inside out maybe you need time for youself and make sure that you are ready for another relationship… your past shouldn’t interfere with your present… if you are not ready to trust and give yourself an opportunity
Move on…
He gave you his answer on who is first.
Divorce him so he can find someone trusting.