If he’s known her longer than you then you can’t say anything. My husband has friends that are females, his ex fiance is one but I trust him. Just because your ex was a douchebag doesn’t mean your current husband is too.
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If I were him…I would divorce you.
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My best friend is a guy. We both tell people when we start seeing them at the very beginning that we have a best friend of the opposite sex. We let each other meet the person we are dating and let each other all interact together so that theres nothing to be uncomfortable about. Our children are close, and he and I have been each others rocks through some serious shit. Hes not going anywhere, and he tells women the same about me. Another added layer to this, hes also an ex of mine. But believe it or not, men and women can have a strictly platonic relationship. Six years of it with my best friend. If you don’t have a reason to not trust him, 1) don’t compare him to you’re ex, they aren’t the same man and 2) dont go inventing reasons to not trust him in your head.
My best friend happens to be a male, the women in his life have had the same insecurities. Talk to her and explain your worries, if she’s a good woman she’ll lay them to rest. Me and my “teddy bear” (yup pet name too lmao) have been friends for 14 years and neither of us have ever been interested in each other like that 
we’ve seen each other through the loss of my sister, the births of our children, separation from our spouses and so on. Not every friendship between a man and women wanders into that territory.
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Trust is everything in a relationship. I’d get those papers you deserve someone who isn’t going behind your back talking to girls.
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If he was friends with her before you he’ll be friends with her during and after you. I had exes tell me I wasn’t allowed to talk to my male friends for the same reason. I told them if nothing happened between us before you then there’s no reason to think it will now. They didn’t believe me and kept fighting me on it. Sure enough they are exes and my friends are still my friends. I’m not into being controlled and I refuse to give someone up just to make another person happy. Your husband is grown and can make his own decisions. If he’s giving you a reason not to trust him then leave but if he’s not let it be
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I feel like you may be overreacting. It’s very possible that she is just a really good friend to the point of being almost a sister. You really shouldn’t judge your husband based on what someone else did. It comes off like you don’t respect him or trust him. However I see where you would say that he’s not being respectful of you to drop his friend because you don’t like them. Would you make him stop being friends with them if it was guy and you don’t like them? I would try harder to be friends with her too because it’s a lot easier to see what happens if he doesn’t feel like he needs to hide his friendship with his best friends just because she’s a girl and you are jealous.
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I have amazing friends that are males that I have grown up with, and they make up a huge part of my support system.
If anyone told me to end that friendship they would without a doubt be cut out of my life
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Maybe it’s me but if my husband told me to “deal with it” there’s something going on between them so I’d divorce him 🤷
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It seems like your insecurities might be getting the best of you. I think you should talk to the friend and try getting to know her first before you jump into thinking she’s being with your husband.
If these insecurities exist, you probably should’ve healed from them before beginning another relationship with someone else. Not everyone is like your ex.
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Tell him he stops or your filing for a divorce
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You married someone you met a year ago? … 
Yikes.
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Put yourself in his shoes. What if you had a really good guy friend that’s been friends with you for such a long time he’s like a brother to you. No attraction towards him whatsoever. Then the guy you are with is so jealous and untrusting that they want you to drop your friend completely just because they don’t like them and are full of insecurities.
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Stay away from fellas like him …no respect for people like that
Friends are friends. Gender doesn’t matter. Geez. 
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You might be overreacting since you have dealt with this previously and now it’s instinct to react this way. But him telling you off and to get over it is a little sketchy. Y’all need to have a foundation of trust and work thru these things if you are going to last in this marriage. Hash it out.
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If she’s not willing to be your friend also then there is definitely something up. If use are married use should all be able to hang out not just the 2 of them. Idk about u ladies like sure ur husband has their female friend but if that female can’t try to be your friend either then she obviously has a thing for him. Idc if this didn’t happen to some of you it happens and has happened to people in the past. Trust your gut though. It never lies.
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I’ve lost so many guy friends because of jealous girlfriends.
The only person you habe to like or trust is your own partner.
A cheater will cheat regardless if its a female friend or stranger.
Don’t make him pay for your past.
Just like men should not tell Women what they can do or who they can hang out with, neither should a women.
Thats controling and manipulating behavior.
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Your only together a year and sounds like you rushed into marriage and brought your insecurities from your last one with you. Maybe this friend is like a sister and clearly has been in his life longer than you. Is there a reason you don’t like her? Have you even tried to get to know her?
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As soon as a man says “she’s like a sister to me” you should already know thats bullshit and he’s sleeping with her 
Yes - trust your gut! If he’s talking to her behind your back, and tells you to " deal with it"- you have already lost his respect (if you ever really had it). Once trust has been broken between a couple, it’s hard to get it back. If there are no children in the picture, I’d start packing.
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they can have friends of oop sex but usually they come visit at home
If you had a guy friend that you have known all your life and worked with him, don’t you think it would be embarassing and mean to just stop talking to him?
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Depends on the circumstances. If he’s known her longer than you and nothings ever happend, you may just be projecting your insecurities on the wrong person.
Does he know of how you feel? Does he know why you feel this way? Sometimes it is just insecurity, sometimes it is cheating. But he needs to make you feel like you’re the only woman he would want to be like that with. He is dismissive of your feelings, so either you are nagging him about it or it goes deeper. Maybe you need to go to counselling and marriage therapy. Fix the problem before there is one
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My now fiancee and I have been together for over 5 years now and from the very beginning we set boundaries, if he or I ever had an issue with someone of the opposite sex, we ended or made clear that we are in a relationship with each other, and that we came first in each others lives, meaning our friendships with people of the opposite sex would have to be respectful of us as a couple. If I ever had a bad feeling about a female friend of his, he ended it, sighting, losing me would be far worse than losing any of his other female friends and vice versa. You have to literally be with your best friend, or it will never work out long term. That’s all.
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It’s about respect. If you aren’t comfortable with the relationship then he should stop the relationship with his friend. Your marriage should be priority. You should of communicated this before marriage if you feel this strongly about it.
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Leave him he is so defensive , that is a red flag
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I have a lot of male friends who I talk to without my husband getting all worked up. I think you are being paranoid and have no proof of anything else going on. Let it be.
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Go get an education and start making more educated choices.
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Get some counseling. Find out if there’s a real reason to dislike his friend or if you’re just traumatized. Also he isn’t your child. Don’t tell him who to speak to.
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You might be a bit sensitive, but you have to put your spouse first. They have to be 100% invested from both sides so you get final call and so does he or it won’t work. Time for a dining table sit down. Good luck.
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It all come down to.repsect. you don’t like it he needs to stop talking to her. End of story, also if your gut is telling you something listen to it
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If you trust him then it shouldnt be a problem. You should be able to have male friends and he should be able to have female friends. There has to be a level of trust and respect in a relationship and if its not there then you shouldnt be together
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To start with, don’t saddle your current husband with the sins of your ex-husband. It’s just not fair to him.
As far as his female friend goes, how long have they been friends? If it’s longer than the two have been married, or even together, and he says she’s like a sister to him, it is wrong of you to demand that he cut off all contact with her. Again, don’t put the sins of your ex-husband on your current husband. If there’s no trust, then your marriage is doomed.
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If my other half told me I couldn’t have contact with one of my oldest friends who i say is my brother ( grew up together and have known each other 19+ years)
I would tell him to piss if and deal with it.
Don’t put the actions of your ex onto your current partner
He should be able to have close female friends and you male without it causing issue
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First of all, please use punctuation.
Secondly don’t let past relationships ruin your present. Get to know her. Take her out to lunch, be open to it. Once your husband sees you are trying, that you are open to being friends he will likely hear any issues. But right now you are letting something someone else did jeopardize your current relationship.
Lastly are you even in this relationship emotionally? You are ready to jump to divorce instead of making a valid effort in a relationship.
My husband’s best friend for the past 20 years is a female, she is and I didn’t always get along, but she is family to us and our kids. I couldn’t imagine our lives without her or her mom.
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If he tells you they are going to be friends no matter what. They are more than friends I’m sorry to say.
Ummm Possibly projecting your past on to him… if he hasn’t done anything ,to make you not trust him I’d back down a little. Nagging and being overly protective/ insecure gets annoying people tend to hid things more to keep from hearing the spouses mouth…
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I won’t ever give up my friends that have became my family for a man. EVER He can respect my relationship with them or kick rock’s. Unless “HE” has given you a reason not to trust them then you need to decide if your insecurities and past problems are going to get in the way of your relationship with him. After only a year together you don’t know him but should atleast have known about his “family”. Respect it or move on. Either way your living in your past. You need to deal with that instead of rubbing it all off on him as the bad guy.
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Don’t waste another sixteen years… A husband who loves and respects his wife would cut all ties with no problem at all and with no resentment… Do not waste another minute on a husband that would say" you are just going to have to get over it" that says it all…
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Well, it depends on how long they have been friends. It depends on if this was his lifelong crush. It also depends on how they talk to each other. I wouldn’t have jumped the gun on confronting him. I would have kept it a secret that you read the messages, and monitored the situation. They might just talk about everyday life and about their significant others. You could have found out real quick if he has been harboring feeling for her. If she truly is just his friend he won’t hide their messages. I wouldn’t act like it bothers you anymore, and then check the messages after awhile to see if they are innocent like he said. Good luck!
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Tell him her or me, if he doesn’t comply than ask him to leave. Don’t put yourself through a second time of heart ache.
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Have they been together ever? Made out anything? If absolutely no then it is a respect issue. Has she ever come on to him even if she were drunk? Then that is a no way at all. If you feel she is after him then let go or make a real stand against it. Any male friends I’ve had, if I want to keep their friendship I made sure to befriend the new spouse as well. He should understand where you are coming from and have some empathy for you. He should be open with you about his relationships with friends male and female and you with him. Go to therapy because marriage is a vow. Learn how to respect and share with each other and yes be best friends
Honestly, I think this is obsessive and borderline abusive. If it was a bloke talking about going through his Mrs phone and telling her she can’t be friends with someone, there’d be shit.
People are allowed to have friends. If you don’t trust your husband enough to be friends with a woman without fucking her. Then you shouldn’t be married to him. If you’re throwing the idea of divorce out so easily, maybe you should so he could find someone who’s not going to try and control him…
Sounds to me like you’re projecting your insecurities from your first marriage onto your second marriage. I think you should invest in some counselling
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If you trusted him, you’d allow him to have friends. Either get over it and stop being so selfish, or move on and let him be free to have friends!
If he had any sense, he’d leave you. You’re clearly just a jealous control freak.
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Okay well he is speaking to a girl… Its not a crime… Your past is not his fault, your trying to control who he can be friends with who he can and can’t talk to, if anything right now it should be him thinking about leaving a controlling relationship
Get some couples therapy to help you deal with him having a female friend, it’s you that needs to get over this not him that needs to change, u wouldn’t have a problem if this person was a guy…
Invite her round, try and get to know her, maybe she will become your friend too and instead of speaking to her on the side he will just invite her round and not hide it,
Your currently thinking about divorcing your husband because he has a female friend and you don’t like it…
The question is do u really wanna be with this man?
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Sounds very immature of you. Unless him and this woman have been intimate there’s no reason for I to be actin this way. Pretty sad that men and women can’t be friends. And you’d threaten to divorce him over him having an opposite gender friends, that’s controlling and projective. Go to counseling on your own to deal with the past and your insecurities and then couples counseling to address the lack of trust you have in your husband.
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I trust my gut if something feels wrong it is wrong. Since this man is YOUR husband he should be taking your feelings into consideration and after you have asked him to stop and have explained to him why and he just answers we’ll get over it? Why not back you up and make you feel secure or show you he considers your feelings?! I know if my significant other came to me I would disregard everyone else’s feelings and sacrifice that relationship because it wouldn’t be worth loosing my significant other.
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I have learned to hate that phase “like a sister”. especially when I do not talk to anyone but they can talk to other girls and delete the messages because “you would get mad if you knew we were talking” it’s personally a red flag to me and causes me to dip
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Surly they were friends before you got married? If he’s going to cheat there’s nothing you can do to prevent it, I have many male friends that are not blood but are a whole lot better than blood & have been there for me through thick & thin & I would never ever give them up!
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I have lots of close male friends, that will always remain just friends. It isn’t fair to expect someone to give up their friends for you. Work on your trust/insecurity issues, divorcing someone over something as trivial as this is crazy.
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Honestly, he should have enough respect for you to not go behind your back and talk to her at work. If he has nothing to hide bc they are like brother & sister then why hide it? Just don’t let past relationships ruin this one for you. I would give her a chance & then if I still felt the way I do now I would give him an ultimatum. Best wishes hun
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If I was him, I’d run. From you. You’re trippin, why should they stop being friends because you are insecure. You’re dead wrong.
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Some of yall should not be in relationships. Why do you think you get to dismiss your partner’s friends. Especially if they were friends before you ever come to the party. They need to leave you.
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You’ve only been in a relationship with him a year and already married. Sounds like they have been friends a long time and he shouldn’t have to drop that friend because of your insecurities.
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Have you known about her before marrying him? Tbh you sound like u jumped in that 2nd marriage.
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Ok, I’m just going to be blunt and if it comes off as rude I apologize but I’m not trying to be.
You just asked strangers, on social media, if you should get a divorce because your husband is speaking to someone.
You took a vow, before God to be this mans partner through thick and thin.
Yes, his response was harsh and definitely could’ve been handled better. But if someone came at me, and said “why are you talking to this person? don’t talk to them i told you i don’t like them and don’t want you speaking to them”…I’d be pissed.
On the other hand, if a grounds for divorce for you is someone talking to someone else, when you have NO proof of any wrong doing and it’s stemming from previous baggage, then you had NO business getting married. At all. None. You have no right to treat your husband that way because of what happened in your past. Instead of jumping straight to, “hey everyone i don’t know, that doesn’t know the entire story…only my side, should i go get a divorce?” You SIT DOWN WITH YOUR HUSBAND and have an actual conversation with HIM and tell him how much this is actually effecting you and why it’s effecting you so intensely. Give the dude a chance. Actually, give your marriage a freaking chance.
Marriage isn’t a walk in the park. You’re both gonna do things that flat out pisses the other person off. Sometimes y’all are gonna disrespect each other, hurt each other’s feelings and let each other down. THATS NORMAL WHEN YOU SPEND THE REST OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE WITH ONE PERSON. It’s how you handle it, if you come up with a solution, communicating, and having an open, accepting and forgiving mind that will get you through it.
YOU do not have the power to control another person. No matter how hard you try, you will NEVER get to call the shots on another person. What you CAN do, is express yourself in a MATURE, honest and caring way. Set your pride and your ego down because apparently your marriage is on the line.
I understand that there’s stereotypes on people of the opposite sex being friends. BUT, that’s not always the case. That’s just not real. Not every single person on this earth is a lying trashball and you could very well throw away your marriage over your ill feelings from your last marriage.
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imho… sounds like your trying to hold what your 1st did to you over him… hes not your 1st and you havent said anything about proof he had cheated. he is a human he is allowed to have friends of either sex… just like you are. sounds like you have some serious trust issues you need to get help to deal with… if you dont trust him why did you marry him??? you basically have 2 choices… stop treating him as if he was your ex put your trust into your marriage and husband or cut him loose and file for divorce and allow him to find love with someone who will only hold his actions over him and not the actions of others while you deal with your issues.
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you are acting like a child. She has been a friend to him for a long time. You shouldn’t have married your husband. You are comparing him to your first husband. You are looking at his phone !! Big trust issues here. You need to step back, see a therapist & hope to God, if you really love this man, he doesn’t leave you because of what you are doing !!
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I think it’s time you get yourself a “boy”friend. I bet he will get really pissed off about it. 
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Why behind your back? And responding by saying you’re going to have to get over it? Nah… I don’t think that’s ok
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You can’t come in out of nowhere and change his friends if they have been friends for a long time. So if you been married almost a yr or together almost a yr where they friends before does she hang out with you also have you made a point to become her friend. If he’s gonna cheat he’s gonna do it but if this girl was here before you and you come in and demand she be gone then he may decide you be gone
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Did you know about this friend before you married him?
“They are like a sister to me” is the oldest and lamest line from the book. He is a liar!!! Something may not be happening with his sister yet but it will.
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Trust your instinct…really we are the only animals who don’t. Trust your instinct.
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Was she his friend before you ? If so you need to get over your insecurities because he’s not ya ex. If she’s new… leave now… no new friends !
Why are you trying to police who he can talk to and who he can’t?
If you don’t trust him why bother?
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Grow up and live
Dont het jealous, it kills.
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You need counseling or you will project your insecurities into every relationship and it will ruin it.
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Let him be friends with who he wants, you married him so you should trust him…
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I wouldn’t ever dream of telling my partner he can’t have girl friends?! If you don’t trust him 99% why even marry him? Poor guy!
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I am a little sister to a guy I have known since we were 16years old.We are not related but talk to each other a lot.There is nothing wrong with it and works for us,his ex wife is my "sister"and his kids are my nephews.
Just understand that you can work on it.
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If you feel you can’t trust your husband, then you should never have married. Throughout my work years I have been friends with many female associates. In today’s environment being friendly, mentoring, even having lunch together is part of many businesses. All you will do with your jealousy Is create problems. Try to take an interest in his work, listen , and converse with him and trust he is being truthful.
I don’t thinks grown man has “girl” friends. Unacceptable. He can have his guys friends but shouldn’t be hanging out or talking to other ladies. #Islam
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Get out lol there’s no respect there. If you tell your husband to stop talking to a female you don’t trust for certain reasons and he’s going behind your back and still talking to her…That’s just showing me he doesn’t respect you. If my husband tells me to stop talking to someone he just has a bad feeling about, I’m going to stop because that person is obviously not healthy to be around. I wouldn’t want anyone ruining my marriage. Now mind you, if you’re telling him to stop talking to her because your insecure, and they’re not doing anything that would “ruin” your marriage per say, then you have a lot of growing up to do.
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The whole like a sister like a brother is a lie… lol that’s probably his “friend with benefits” for a while now . I’m not saying change his friends but if he cared about the relationship he wouldn’t be so defensive. He would try to make it work and make you comfortable around his friend or have you guys get to know each other . I know if I mentioned anything like this to my husband he would do what’s best for us.
I am sorry but if he is only talking to her when your not around and hiding her he is lieing. Tell him to let you get to know her and hang out with her if he has a problem with it it’s more then what he said.
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