My husband has a best friend thats a girl, they work together. I call her his work wife. It doesn’t bother me at all, i trust him. Don’t punish your current husband for the mistakes your ex-husband made.
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My husband is allowed to have female friends new and old, including exes. It doesn’t bother me one bit because I’m not insecure in our relationship. I’m his wife but it’s not my place to tell him who he can be friends with unless there’s a legitimate reason. Just being of the opposite sex is not a legitimate reason.
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Go with your gut instinct!!
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I was like you too with my first ex. I had a problem with a female friend of his, come to find out they were secretly together and all the times he went out with a group of people he knew from college he never invited me but she was always there. I remember meeting her once at an outing with him (the first one ever he let me go to) and she seemed to not want to talk to me at all. He always called me jealous and refused to acknowledge my concerns. Those calling her insecure or jealous just try and understand where shes coming from.
Also it’s ok to have friends that are the opposite gender but when something isnt adding up then I would talk about it to the person I’m with.
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He chose you. Plain and simple. If this friend was more than a friend sounds like they would have had plenty of time to make it more, and if she was more than just a friend he would probably delete the msgs between them, he would lie to go meet up with her etc. don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill. Let that shit go and trust him. Why are you with him if you don’t?
Sorry but I lost all my friends due to my ex. I am married now and my friends are my friends and my husband is aware of all of them. She was long before you it sounds and you’re bringing drama from your past into the present. You clearly read what they messaged. You’re married to him? Was she not at the wedding then? You sound insecure.
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Can’t punish him for your ex’s mistake. Should have dealt with those jealously issues before you decided to marry.
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I feel your feeling are justifiable
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I have guy best friends that I would never cross the line with. I have been friends with them for over 15yrs. When we were teens their gfs would get mad. But they would tell them to get over it as well. Also my husband (who I have been with for 15 yrs) doesn’t care. You have to trust your boyfriend. And if he has been friends with this girl for years before he met you I would say it’s not even your place. You better be her best friend too or else you might get cut out of the picture.
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Nothing wrong with a man being friends with a woman. Doesnt mean he will cheat on you. Im with ur husband get over it or you can leave him.
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You have no reason to not trust him and the only things that is going to ruin your marriage is you being insecure x
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Ummm. If I said that to my husband he’d stop talking to them.
Why? Because he cares more about my feelings than any other.
It’s not about being insecure . You ladies need to stop with that crap. 
Either way, do what makes YOU happy in the end. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who dismissed me so easily … Sometimes we can be irrational, but our spouses are supposed to reassure us, and be there. None of this “well, it’s gonna happen, too bad to sad” type of BS. That’s just disrespectful.
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If she was his friend before you married him then you have no right to sook about it now.
You’re just insecure, that’s not his problem, it’s yours.
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Sounds like you’re the one with the issues, weather it be jealousy or insecurity if these were the same issues you had with your last husband and now your current one I think it’s you not him or the girl friend and since he also flat out told you he wasnt going to stop talking to her says that he isnt hiding the fact that he does talk to her.
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Is there a reason you don’t trust him? Was there anything in messages that is inappropriate? If not, it just seems as if your husband isn’t allowed to have female friends of any kind but you and that my dear is a recipe for disaster. You and your husband are allowed to have friends opposite and same sex. As long as you both are respecting each others relationship and the other parties are aware and respectful, what’s the problem? Get to know the girl. You either going to see that you have nothing to worry about, or see your husband is a scum. Either way, don’t jump to conclusions simply because she’s a female.
Has she made an effort with you? If she hasn’t at all that would definitely turn me off. Girls read signs from guys differently, a guy could have zero intentions but in the girls mind she’s planning a wedding
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Thats a tough one. Start talking to a new guy friend and see how he feels about it. If he is cool with it, then go have innocent FRIEND fun from time to time with him. If he isnt cool with it, let him know that you feel the same about his friend. Also if he is cool with it, its a red flag. 🤷
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Oh no. My ex pulled that on me. Sister my … He was committing incest then!
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He is not ur ex…if he has given you a reason to not trust him thats one thing, but if he hasnt than trust him.
Perhaps all meet and discuss the issues so it can be laid out on the table and what the expectations are. How do you know she isnt a nice girl you could be really good friends with?
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Dont let the troubles of your last relationship effect this one. Or its gunna end up just like that last one did. If you cant trust the person your with then that says something in itself
If he’s known her longer than you even known him… Your just insecure and There seems to be a lack of trust in your husband’s word. If you didn’t want her to be there in the picture you shouldn’t have married him! Honestly! 
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No mention of them talking inappropriately. Just mention of them talking. So I’m assuming that you just don’t want him to speak to any female but you? Kind of comes across as controlling behavior due to insecurity issues. I would suggest counseling
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Yeah they all got friends like sisters n then we get divorces!!
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Do you have a real reason not to like or trust her? Have you given her an honest chance or are you just punishing your husband for your ex’s indiscretions?
My husband has a friend who is like a big sister to him and I wouldn’t have dreamed of telling him that he had to stop talking to her just because I entered the picture. I’ve watched friendships deteriorate when my friends start dating and it sucks when women assume the worst.
I’m thankful that she is in our lives. When I found a lump in my breast, I confided in her and she took note of when I was going to see the doctor. After my appointment, she checked in on me.
She has become like a sister to me too. Just because she’s a woman doesn’t mean that she wants your husband! You could be depriving yourself of a wonderful friendship. (Love you, Rachel! xoxo)
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You gatta evaluate your relationship and theirs, have they been friends for a long while… Possibly even before you?
And ask you husband has their ever been any romantic feelings on either of their parts, communication. Especially if you hubby is aware of your past issues.
You don’t want to put him in the position to choose, it’s always a bad idea AND asbhis wife you don’t want to isolate him
Did he know her before you guys were married? Since you are obviously going through his phone, is the talk between them innocent or not? Do you think maybe you’re just being very insecure? It doesn’t take a blood connection for someone to be like a sibling. And who the hell are you to tell him who he can and can’t talk to? Pretty controlling right there.
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Hes not in the wrong for his actions because you said nothing of them being inappropriate… but I do feel like hes wrong for doing it behind your back.
On another note if you’re going to give up that easy without any real evidence or facts, just some theory from an emotional fuck up, then you most definitely were NOT ready to be married again.
Sounds like you better just get the divorce. He will not stop talking to her. You will never trust him because of your previous marital problems. Or get counseling to work through your issues.
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It doesn’t matter. He’s your husband he should be more worried about his wife’s feelings than a friends. There are some women my husband has been friends with and would talk to that I’ve told him I’m not comfortable with it and others I don’t have a problem with. I trust my instincts and will protect my marriage I don’t care what others think.
So what your saying is that your husband can’t have female friends and if he had female friends before he married you a year ago he should just cut them off… sorry suzy, I know we have been friends since 3rd grade but my wife wont allow me to talk to you!? REALLY!?
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You have to let your husband have friends that are girls, if hes going to do something ita going to happen regardless, if you cant love him enough to accept that he has a close friend that is a girl you shouldnt be together, you cant just not like her bc shes a girl I think its more of you lacking trust with him because or your past relationship…
Did he make this friend after y’all got married or did she exist through the courtship and if so did you not discuss this before getting married?
You sound controlling and insecure tbh.
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It just seems like if they wanted to be together he wouldn’t be with you.
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He was friends with her first, remember that before you exile his friends
Your husband may have good intentions as for this friendship is considered, but SHE doesn’t. Tell them both at the same time your fillings and if your husband sees your point Happy Holidays and move on. If he dont drop him and find a new santa.
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Hard to trust anybody anymore. I say trust your own instincts and go from there. Fk what everyone else has to say. After all it’s your life not theirs.
In my experience it escalated to secret cuddle time, lies, and manipulation. If a man won’t cuddle with their male friends to comfort their depression and anxiety there is no reason to cuddle a female friend for those reasons either. Boundaries get crossed and inappropriate behavior takes place. I’d say ditch him before the hurt occurs but in the end it’s your own personal choice to make.
Dont put your past shit on your new shit.
Idk maybe message her… or bring it up to him that your gonna try to become friends with her, just to see his reaction.
You can’t hold your new Husband accountable because of what your Ex Husband did to You
Did you stop talking to every man you knew when you married your husband? If you have no trust in him you shouldn’t be married.
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Did u not know abt this women until after yall got married?
If not, its a real red flag
If so, why didnt it bother u before
My best friend has known me for 15 years.
We have this kinda relationship.
If you can’t respect that I guarantee you’ll kick rocks eventually.
The reason we call each other siblings to clarify the fact we are not and will never be fucking.
So yeah you need to get over yourself
I have friends that are men like my brother , nothing wrong with it , if u don’t trust him around another women u should not be with him lol , it’s all bout trust n if he’s never done nothing with her then they mabe actually like sister to him
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If this chick is like a sister to him, I’d assume she’s been a friend for a while. If you’re so worried about her maybe you should’ve talked to your husband about it before getting married.
He should be making you feel secure in your relationship with him and should reassure you that he’s not cheating. He married you for a reason. He shouldn’t have to defend himself when talking to a friend but he also shouldn’t be dismissive about it.
You need to talk about it if it’s bothering you. BUT. Make sure you’re not overreacting. Just because an ex cheated on you doesn’t mean your next relationship will be the same.
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WHAT? Has either of then done anything wrong?
Just because your ex did it doesnt mean this on will.
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Your new husband isn’t your ex. So unless he’s given you a reason to not trust him besides talking to her without your knowledge (not really a reason, if my husband told me I couldn’t talk to someone just because he didn’t like them I still would but he knows MARRIAGE ISNT ABOUT OWNERSHIP so he wouldn’t.)
Guys are allowed to have female friends they talk to. It doesn’t mean he’s cheating on you or ever would.
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So I have a “brother” I have known my whole life he is older than I am my mom and his mom were best friends so we’re naturally always around each other he has had multiple girlfriends be very jealous of our relationship even though it goes no farther than brother/sister and he has been given the her or me and needless to say I still have my brother and he finally has a girlfriend that accepts our relationship for exactly what is and always has been…unless you have proof there is more between your husband and this woman I wouldn’t push her out
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If it’s innocent you need to find out first before you issue ultimatums. If something is going on get rid of him however if there’s not you need to acknowledge that you are the insecure one and try to get to know her properly
He isn’t your ex. You cant control him. If you cant handle it. You need to seek some help to get over your past traumas.
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Ok. I am trying to make sense of this… I have a very close Male friend I have known for 25+ years. We call each other brother and sister. He is a very close friend. His wife is an amazing woman. My husband is understanding of our closeness. So I don’t see the problem with having a close friend that is the opposite sex. However unless you have seen something inappropriate between them. I am going to say maybe you need to stop being jealous of something that is not there. Until you have that proof then don’t go accusing him of something he hasn’t done. All your going to do is push him away even more. My ex husband used to control me by not allowing me to talk to any of my male friends. I believe your just being insecure as well as comparing him to your ex out of fear of being hurt. That is not going to solve anything. Would you want him to do the samething to you? No you wouldnt stop trying to dictate who he talks to. You may just find out what is going on when sitting and listening to him. Instead of losing your crap over this.
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Meet the friend for coffee and ask what’s up
Totally not okay. Not sure why everybody on this threat continues to act like they know how long her husband has been friends with this other “girl” sister friend. All it says is that he claims she’s like a sister… that can be an easy cover up for cheating… and that is not being insecure that’s reality. Also- if he was a good husband, your feelings come before anybody’s and if he is only talking to her behind your back, there is an issue. Lastly if your husband knew that you ex husband did the same thing he should reassure you somehow someway they nothing fishy is going on 100%.
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On the other hand. My husband did not have women friends that were not mutual friends and I did not have men friends except with him. We never talked alone with others. It isn’t jealous or insecure it is protecting the marrige
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Was she around before you? If so, remember she’ll be around after you as well. You not trusting her is YOUR problem unless there is valid reason not to trust her. Has she said something, or done something? If not then you have a right to feel however you want to feel but dont have a right to act out because of those feelings.
Now, if she is a new friend then she needs to stay in her lane and realize that the “bestie” rule doesnt apply here. Maybe get to know her. Try hanging out together. If she continues to be an issue consider marriage counseling. DONT compare your husband to your ex though. He is not your ex and past experiences sont always repeat
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How long has he known her and what kind of conversations do they have? Ask that before you jump down his throat… she may have helped him through a dark period of his life and you want him to just throw her away… get to know her, invite her for dinner and establish that you’re happily married and she can’t get in the way
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Don’t put your past baggage on your new marriage. You dont own him and chances are she’s been around a lot longer than you. If you dont trust him and are going through his phone you need help.
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I think you should give it a chance before jumping
Well, you cant compare the two men. That’s the worst mistake to make because they are different. He should certainly take your feelings into consideration and only talk to her with you present or let you read the messages imo. At the same time, you need to trust him. Without trust you have nothing. Maybe have a chat with her too, woman to woman.
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It sounds like you don’t trust him, not her!?? No trust no relationship
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She may be like a sister to him but if he can’t make his wife feel comfortable and secure by not talking to her, or at least not talking to her as often, or some sort of compromise… Then something is wrong. Talk to him about it before filing for divorce for sure.
Edit: y’all should all try to be friends, if that doesn’t work, you should respect their friendship as long as she’s respecting your marriage 🤷
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Im excited that the guy im talking to has a female best friend! We all have so much in common. My past relationships didnt have any and we never hung out with anyone so it was pretty boring.
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How long have they known each other, was there ever anything sexual between them before you? Honestly you sound jealous and untrusting so maybe you guys need to consider counseling
My opinion is if she’s such a close friend, you should also know her and be friends as well. If he is keeping her separate that’s cause for concern in my book. I also think if anything makes your spouse uncomfortable then you should do what is in your spouse’s best interest.
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This story has been posted before and accumulated a ton of opposite to what everyone here is giving. 
I will say this just like the “old post”… don’t worry about it because I’m sure you have someone in your life who you consider the same. Don’t create a problem because you feel like it.
Does a wife really have the right to tell her husband who to talk to? I mean, if you don’t want him telling you who you’re allowed to talk to and who you’re not, don’t do it to him. Maybe the reason you don’t trust her is because of your past experiences, but that doesn’t mean they’ve done anything to deserve that distrust. Going through his phone only shows that you don’t trust him. What kind of marriage is that? Without trust your marriage is doomed to fail. My ex husband slept with a woman I worked with and then rubbed it in my face. My new husband doesn’t reap the consequences of that pain. I respect him enough to trust him.
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You and husband haven’t even BEEN TOGETHER a year? It sounds like you moved way too fast.
He’s obviously been friends with her for a while. Not telling you every time he has talked to her isn’t lying or being dishonest. Why share something that’s not a big deal?
Honestly, you seem controlling, bordering on abusive. I guarantee if this were a male asking, it would have been called abusive immediately. Your husband hasn’t shown any problems, so you’re being over the top. Completely.
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Hun this is what my ex boyfriend would say 2 me ol she’s my family or she’s like a sister too me and then find out from he’s parents that hes a freaking lyer that’s the only thang they no how 2 say so they can have there cake and icecream too I wouldn’t let that crap go on I would leave hes ass seating and find you a good man that will cherish the ground you walk on like I did god bless you hun
My best friend of 27 years is a guy and if my husband had told me not to talk to him, bye👋he’s family
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marriage has to be based on trust and men can have female friends that are just friends. Is there really a problem here or is the problem just that you are jealous? if that is the case you need to deal with your jealousy
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I wouldn’t have married another guy that does something that I already knew I wasn’t okay with, honestly🤷♀️ I don’t TELL my husband what he can and can’t do, not ever. Why would you put yourself into the same situation you just got out of?
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Marriage is not a dictatorship, you don’t get to tell him who he can talk to. You can ask him to stop but that doesn’t mean he will or has to and he already told you he’s not going to. If you can’t trust your husband your relationship is doomed.
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In my opinion there’s really nothing you can do about … you cant pick your blood family but you can chose your real family… I have friends male and female and if my husband didn’t like it my saying is " don’t let the door hit you on the way out" I am sure you might have a friend he doesn’t like how would u feel if he told u to give them up
I think you should know someone before marriage
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You do you, Girl. My former boyfriend had a Little Sister saved in his contacts.
When you have to start playing detective, become a babysitter and do mental gymnastics I’m out. So to the curb mine went.
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You told him it bothers you he didn’t care …thank you next
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If you have the same issue in both marriages than it just might be you. Why are you so insecure? Also have you been married for almost a year? Or it’s almost a year since y’all have known each other? In any event it seems like you are making your new husband suffer for what your ex husband did. There’s nothing wrong with people having friends of the opposite sex. Did you ever stop to think that if they wanted each other they would be together? 
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I dont let my husband talk to women . He lost my trust with that
Sorry not sorry your marriage should come first
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My opinion is get to know her, if he doesn’t want you too then he’s hiding something for sure. But if he genuinely wants you guys to become friends I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about. No harm in trying and if you still don’t like her after trying to be friends then you can have that discussion
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If you can’t trust your man maybe you need to be single. He should be able to have friends with vaginas just as you should be able to have friends without. Grow up.
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I think if you’re not comfortable with him being friends with her then he should let her go because you come before anyone. I don’t understand why everyone saying he’s entitled to have a female friend. Your his wife and if your not comfortable with it then you come before anything and anyone.
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you need to ask your self, do you trust your husband fully? if not why did you marry him? he isn’t hiding anything your just assuming that it will lead to an affair, whether you trust her or not, it is him that you need to ask about, if he is open and honest about what and where and when they talk then let him have his friend, don’t assume or you will drive hi into another women’s arms, insecurities wil ruin a marriage quick
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Your current husband isn’t your last husband. If you have no reason to not trust him, don’t make one up in your head. My best friend is a guy. My babydaddy’s old best friend was a girl, she wanted to get with him, but he gave me no reasons not to trust him in that situation so I had no issue with them being friends at all. Some guys will cheat, some won’t. You can try to control your husband all you want, but if he’s going to cheat, he will. If he’s given you no reason for mistrust towards him, you’re just gonna start the ball rolling right to the end of this marriage
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It only seems wrong to me because he KNOWS you’ve been through something similar and you just worry and don’t want it to happen again.
Stop worrying about trusting HER and focus on HIM. You don’t have to trust her. HE hid the fact that he has conversations with her. If there wasn’t something to hide he wouldn’t have to hide anything. He’s cheating or planning to do so. The ball is in your court on how you want to deal with it.
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Was she in his life before you? You haven’t been together a year? Has he done anything to make you not trust him? Is there a reason you Don’t trust her? Don’t bring past relationships into new ones. I have a good friend, who is just like my brother. He was there long before my husband. My husband will never tell me not to talk to him. We tell everyone we’re brother and sister and he calls me sissy. But if you don’t have a reason to not trust them, don’t automatically assume you shouldn’t because of your ex. And if he knew her before you, don’t try to make him stop talking to her. That’s controlling as hell. If he recently became friends with her, then yeah I’d be suspicious
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I see your side but I have a friend who is like my brother his wife accused him and I of sleeping together many times, I had a serious boyfriend who never once said that about us . We had in fact never even kissed I think the only time I hugged him was at his wedding. So part of me thinks your jealous and overreacting but part of me probably wouldn’t be to excited if my husband had a she’s like a sister friend. My husband now is not a huge fan of my guy friends but He gets it. I guess you need to think about how much this really bugs you and why and if your able to live a happy life or if your not able to get over it and be happy
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Okay! IDC how long my husband has known someone they would NEVER be of more importance to him than me. It’s crazy that people actually think their friendship to a married person is more important or even on the same level of that of their friends spouse.
With that being said, I don’t see an issue with having friends of the opposite sex. However, the dynamics shift. If I have LEGIT reason to believe that there is something inappropriate happening in that friendship then you best believe he’s going to dead it ASAP. I wish my husband would choose a friend over his family. 
Keep letting y’all husbands do whatever in a marriage cuz “you’re not insecure” and you’ll end up a someone’s step mother. It’s one thing to have trust. It’s another to just be nieve. It’s up to you to judge.
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I can tell who all the side hoes are by the comments🤷
When you are married , it becomes a mutual respect thing . If you are not comfortable with it , he shouldn’t do it. I agree that being controlling is not ok but there is never any room in a marriage for another woman or man.
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Be friends with his friend!
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What’s with all the salty hateful replies ? Damn.
Use common sense. If she’s sluty or acts flirty with him then yes you should say something but you cant put him through hell for something the first husband did. If ya can’t trust him maybe ya should not had got married or at least waited longer & get to no his friends. I’m sure you have male friends. If ya don’t have trust for any reason it will never work…
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Girl leave. I had an ex boyfriend of 8 years had a girl (sister he clamied was just friends. Then i was at work one day and they left without telling me on vacation that he paid for everything. Then i started noticing our acxounts start empting out fast. He took care of her more then he did me n our home i up n left n never looked back. Now they are dating n have a home. Im soo happy i left. 6 years laterni have an amzing man iv been with for 5byears and our beatuful2 2 year old.
Those who say they don’t “let” their husbands do shit is hilarious. U can’t stop a man from doing what he is gonna do! Good luck cause he will just sneak and do it when u aint around, like at work with a co worker etc. If u can’t trust him , leave him it’s simple as that. If he disregards how u feel towards the issue and continues to do it, that means the other woman is more important to him than u are, so just leave him. He’s showing u that he obviously the thinks the relationship with her is more Important Than your marriage.
Honestly if shes a friend from before y’all got together you should really chill on that part. Everyone is so ready to just throw out their marriages because of stupid petty shit. My ex used to talk to an ex gf of his and I had a good reason to not trust her because she actually “stole” a different bf of mine before. I didnt like when they talked and on occasion hed block her but then I’d find out hed start messaging her so I fully understand but to throw out the WHOLE relationship because of it is just plain ridiculous there are other measures that could and should he taken before deciding to just straight up telling him boy bye.
Leave it looks like it’s happening again in your life!!!
Really…husband tell you get over it…
I mean if they’ve been friends for a while I don’t see the issue.
I think you’re letting your insecurities get the best of you.
He’s allowed to have friends that are girls just like you should be allowed to have friends that are guys.
I would NEVER tell my man he can’t be friends with someone just because I don’t like/trust them because I trust HIM.
If you can trust him then I don’t think you should be with him.
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Like a sister to me is the equivalent to he’s like a brother to me, which means I would sleep with them or have already.
In my opinion
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