I am not comfortable with my body around my husband: Advice?

Ughhh yessss i still make us do it in the dark and I get mad when he walks in on me while I’m getting dressed idk I’m in your boat for the most part but he alwayssss compliments me although it doesn’t make it easier it’s something we just gotta learn to love us slowly but surely

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I’m going to go ahead and tell you…… most men do not care if you have stretch marks, saggy boobs, or weight gain. They will love you regardless of how YOU feel about your body.

I’ve been with my Husband for 14 years, and there is a few things I’m still not comfortable with. Some times he says what your Husband does, but for the most part, he gets it and it doesn’t really hinder out relationship or intimacy in anyway.

I understand completely! Been with my man 13 years when he met me i was 180 with a almost one and two year old always hid my body from him after about 5 years I put on alot of weight went up to 245 from being depressed and having an eating disorder i would eat till I throw up. So I went to Bootcamp and lost 100lbs… but still I hate my body even after the weight loss. I still hide my body from him… so I understand I am working on convincing myself he loves me no matter what I look like so I should just get over it… but easier said then done. All you can do is work on YOU! Do whatever you need to to make you love you! And he’ll love you no matter what!

I definitely have insecurities about my body but I am comfortable around my husband. I know he loves me for who I am and that makes me feel a little more at peace with my own demons.

Therapy. Therapy. Therapy.
While we are our own worst critic, this seems to lean more towards extreme. Almost along body dysmorphia.
I have three children, my first two, I was back to normal size, but my third. Emergency c-section and other medical procedures. There is no going back without surgery. Some days I am really down on myself, but most days I still think I can dress to hide my insecurities and feel pretty.

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I am and have been with my husband 13 yrs. Had my first child young and have lots of stretch marks from when I was pregnant with him. Have hated my body ever since and don’t like showing it because its nothing to see. My husband however got together with me after my body looks the way it does except now I have also put on weight which I also hate. So recently my children and I have started bike riding

Is there a way that he can help you feel better?? He does not seem to see you in the way you see yourself. You are his person! Have you ever thought about making lifestyle changes to mentally and physically make you feel better, like daily exercise? Or pick up a new hobby you both can learn together??

My husband gets irritated at my insecurities about my body after I had a baby, but only bc if how little it really mattered in the grand scheme of things. He thought I was beautiful and helped me get over what was bothering me, helped me exercise and just went out of his way to make me feel pretty. It’s a two way thing. You have to understand you’re not going to look the same, and understanding he’s there for you no matter what you look like.

Not to sound unsympathetic because I am. Be glad that your husband loves you just the way you are. My husband of 26 years, love of my life, left me because I was overweight without even ever saying it was an issue. I birthed 6 beautiful girls, have hypothyroidism and osa which all contribute to weight . Not to mention anxiety. I had our last baby at 40 . So between working full time outside of the home and having a newborn a little later in life, taking care of 5 other children and him and a home, I didnt have time to work on myself. My family came first . And I was literally punished for it. He ended up having an affair. I forgave him. But that wasnt what he wanted. He became mentally and sometimes physically abusive. He didnt want to be known as the man that left his wife and family for another woman. But I did not kick him out and he eventually just walked out. I was shocked. Mortified. And devastated. And I mourned him like he had died. But anyway…if he loves you like you are, try to look at it as a blessing and not so hard on yourself.

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If you don’t love yourself try and improve yourself. But, remember that if you don’t embrace you then it’s hard for someone else to. So try and be comfortable with who you are or else you’ll distant him.

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Been with my hubby 25 years got hit by drunk driver 2015 always had problem gaining wait now I’m fat and he still loves me

We’ve been together going on 25 yrs and I’ve always carried weight. But the last 1-2 yrs I’ve gained more weight and started getting in my own head. That caused big problems for us. I stopped having sex as much with him and a month ago he left. I have no advice except for maybe you should talk to a counselor and work on you before it hurts your relationship beyond repair. Prayers you y’all.

First, the way you view yourself is separate from the love you have for your husband. It has nothing to do with him, whatsoever. You’re not comfortable with yourself so it would be impossible to be comfortable with another. I would suggest talking with someone about this, such as a counselor or therapist. Insecurity about our bodies is normal, but you don’t have to always feel that way. You can become comfortable in your own skin once you realize that our bodies are just vessels that carry us through the world. Your husband and children love you for you, not the body you’re in.
There are steps you can take to change the appearance of your body, exercise being chief among them. However the marks, and inevitably saggy bits of post child birth bodies don’t completely go away. And this still doesn’t account for the mental aspect of insecurity.
TL;DR: You’re beautiful just the way you are and your family loves you. Eat right, get enough exercise. Find a counselor or therapist and work through the insecurity.

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Im still not all the way comfortable with my man and its going on 8yrs now. He dont like it either and tells me from time to time

God yes. I have had to work really hard on body neutrality instead and even though its a process and taking a bit of time i can say it’s helping so so much. I have delivered three children and i am the heaviest i have ever been. And its been rough. But i stay focused on the body neutrality and I am currently more confident than i was even in high school!
Unfortunately i dont know any way to rush it but i think its worth it. Theres lots of body neutral groups on facebook that were a big help

all about perspective, we tend to focus more on what we see as faults on us and others don’t see what we see … he knows how you look and he loves you. let him :heart:

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I don’t have a belly button. Think of that next time you are down on yourself. I’m a size 4 now after having lost 179 lbs. I have extra skin on my arms, which isn’t going tighter even with exercise. Love your new you. Once you embrace yourself, you CAN improve. Just do it in a healthy manor. You’ve got to love yourself before you can truly live anyone.

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I hate the way I look but my husband doesn’t care at all which means I know he know he still loves me for other qualities I have

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Yes me too two kids takes it’s toll. It’s not because you don’t love him it’s because you don’t love yourself and feel insecure baring your flaws. I’m divorced my two kids are my ex husbands. Engaged to another person and I feel particularly paranoid as the kids and aftermath of them on my body are not his x

We’ve been together a little over 18 years and I’m very insecure after having our child 8 years ago. I totally get it!

After my baby I feel extremely insecure ab my body and I don’t like my husband to see but any time I feel that way we talk ab it and he’s reassuring. Your husband needs to stop taking it as a personal thing to him it’s not like you distanced yourself from him you just feel differently ab yourself and your learning to love your new body. It’s hard and he needs to be understanding

You’ll be surprised , but I bet he doesnt even notice your flaws, he won’t see flaws. He sees you as his beautiful amazing wife who sacrificed her body to give him Children, you gave him a family. Our bodies are meant to change after children, it’s normal and a mature man knows this. My boyfriend says he doesn’t notice any flaws.

Get drunk :woozy_face::crazy_face: you’ll feel like a supermodel or at least it’ll just help you relax a bit. Lol But seriously…
I’m not too comfortable with my body but if my husband didn’t like it he can leave lol
I really think we women care more about what our bodies look like more than the men do for sure. Goodluck :heart:

I’ve never been insecure around my husband. I mean, he’s seen a baby pop out my vagina for goodness sakes. Maybe some therapy would do you good to get you secure with yourself again.

My question would be does your husband point out your insecurities? Or does he compliment you?

I’ve been married 13 years and I’ve had 3 children via c-section and put on 50lbs. I definitely have had feelings of insecurities but my husband gives me compliments daily and let’s face it he still acts like when we were dating. When we discussed my body changes he told me he seen none of what I did. While he understands I have issues with my body he said all he sees is my beauty and he knows I grew his babies and that only makes him love me more. I know not all men are like this.

But talking to your spouse can help. And I agree with dating. Even if that date is candle light supper after kids go to bed. I’ve found when I’m lost in my own thoughts my insecurities are worse and when we get our time it definitely helps.

I’ve been with my husband for 29yrs/ married 23 & I go through this regularly l was in a bad car crash where I was disabled because of a dui driver. I have a scar on my stomach from under my chest to my bikini line, a scar from top of my butt to middle of my back, scar across my neck & have gained weight. I hate how i look and it definitely can cause issues. I try to just (as able) do my make up, my hair, or get some sun. Anything that makes me feel good about myself-and that does help. More importantly ask yourself would u still be attracted to your husband if he went through body changes-I know I would / so I try to focus on that. But remember it’s about how u feel/ if your not happy with your body-only you can fix the way you feel.

I know for me I feel the same everything changed after kids and I had them late in life my youngest is 2 and I’ll be 40 so I don’t bunch back a fast and them taking care of three I don’t have time for extra self care
Like working out or doing my hair or make up

I do shower lol

Anyways so I don’t feel cute or sexy so far I haven’t found anything to change those feelings but I have ask him to work out with me and we can’t lose weight together but he put on weight also and Honestly because I don’t find his weight or his body attractive anymore I know that he hast to feel the same way about me I would say maybe ask if you guys can help each other out with cooking good and work out together when possible that’s what I’m aiming for

It honestly sounds like you might not be comfortable with your body right now, period. I wouldn’t focus as much on being comfortable around him but instead focus on YOU being comfortable and confident in your skin. This will take work, and I don’t mean at the gym, I mean emotional work. I struggled with body image and unhealthy eating issues for years. I was so sick of feeling bad about myself and started to put in the work to heal, it took a long time and it wasn’t overnight but it DID work. I can confidently say I’m “healed” and my body image issues have taken a complete 180. It IS possible to change your self-talk and it CAN get better. :two_hearts:

Run, do not walk, directly to therapy. You’ve got some deep seeded issues you need to work on. I promise that waiting till your mid 40’s to take of this issue is not a road you want to travel. Handle it now or it will handle you.

We all are insecure about our bodies in some form…you’re a mom, try and enjoy the fact that those things that happened to your body are because you brought another life into this world, that your husband is attracted to you and finds you desirable. I know it’s hard, we have stages in our 20, 30, 40 and by the time you reach your middle 40s you will learn to be confident with yourself. Unfortunately it takes that long…but take some steps to work on the weight gain, small steps, don’t beat yourself up.

Sending love, I’m in the same boat. He loves you and wants you to love yourself. It’s so hard to do but I’m working on it because he reassures me that I’m loved. He wants me to love myself like he loves me.

I got pregnant with my daughter at 17 I gained 45 lbs I had stretch marks from the top of my breasts down to ankles. My whole body changed I didn’t know how to carry myself or how to dress. So I know how you feel

My heart hurts for you mama, your body is beautiful look at those babies :pleading_face::heart:

Been with my kids father for almost three years and we’ve got two kids and my body looks so bad to me so I definitely understand I hate having anyone see it. Especially lately I’ve been getting comments from people telling me I’m big now or I’m getting chubby.

My husband is the only one I trust to see my destroyed body. He knows it inside and out (no pun intended) so there’s nothing new or horrifying to him. Hes still around. Still turned on. Chances are your hubby doesn’t care. Enjoy it, it’s so much better. :+1:

Girl learn to love yourself :heart: he clearly does and that should mean a lot.

Honestly? Love and beauty come from within. A man who truly loves you, is in love with your soul and your heart. Those are the most beautiful things in any person. The outside is a wrapper. Some men are idiots and want a trophy wife hanging on their arm for a status role. But a real man loves everything about his woman. Saggy boobs are beautiful, stretch marks are sexy, scars are stories of how strong you are and how beautiful you are. Trust me, a real man will love every inch of your body. You are human, a real woman and that’s beautiful. Fake is what society has demanded and brainwashed people with, magazines, movies etc. to look a certain way, those aren’t real, photos and films with filters and make up etc. when you’re real, Your soul glows, your heart pounds with a love no one else can have except for who you choose to give it to. Love yourself, try seeing yourself through your husband’s eyes because to him you are the most beautiful woman alive. You’re his soulmate. Your two hearts beat as one. Love yourself and don’t deny your husband that he deserves. He chose you and you chose him. Believe me, I don’t know you, but you are a beautiful woman. You just have to believe in yourself. Your imperfections that you don’t like in yourself are perfect in his eyes. Open your eyes and start loving yourself because by you not loving yourself you are denying your husband the 100% of the love and beauty that he loves you for. Love him back by loving yourself. His love for you is genuine and real. Some people don’t have what you have in their life.
Listen to Bruno Mars song “just the way you are”. Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are (Official Music Video) - YouTube

“If nothing changes, NOTHING changes “

your husband loves you for you, No matter what you weigh, the bigger boobs, the stretchy gut, He doesn’t see that , he see you Be grateful & love what you are in the inside, even if you are not that happy when you look like in the mirror, Get over that, See a therapist if needed, But again be so grateful your husband loves you…all of you

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I think you need a therapist or other professional to help you deal with your body image issues. You should be proud of the fact that your body grew several small humans, plus diet and exercise may change a lot of your outward appearance, but you still to fix your mental image of yourself.

You created 3 babies, cut yourself some slack. I think your husband sees you as the woman he fell in love with and you fell out of love with her. I would try some therapy or try some self help/motivation books on loving yourself or seeing yourself differently.

Maybe he needs to show a little more love and passion for your body…instead of making you feel even worse and guilty like you don’t love him just because you fell out of love with your own skin…

If you can’t love yourself how do you expect someone else to love you. In my 40s I don’t look like I did in my teens but we aged together and loves me more after 30 years than he didn’t when I was young and smokin. This is you and the man loves you.

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I understand and have been there. But once I realized that my body did such amazing and miraculous things, I understood it wasn’t supposed to be like it was before, life is all about change and acceptance of what’s out of our control. But never lose sight or focus on the fact that you are way more than just your body! This man has been with you for 17 years and loves everything about you, including your imperfections which it sounds like to me are perfect to him :heart: