I Am Positive My Spouse Is Cheating But I Have No Proof: Advice?

Relationships
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QUESTION:

"How do you catch a cheating spouse?

You know he is seeing someone but you don’t have enough evidence, he has changed the passwords to all his devices and he guards his phone and other devices jealously.

What can you do in such a situation? Getting evidence is not to cause any problem but to have enough proof to confront him and restore the relationship."

RELATED QUESTION: How Do You Get Over — Forgive, Even — a Partner Who Cheated on You?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

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“Proof to confront him and restore the relationship… You deserve better.”

“He won’t stop just because you confront him. Don’t play yourself; he already did that.”

“Once a cheater, always a cheater. My ex-husband cheated on me for 8 years. I was too busy with kids, house cleaning, the routines to do everything he expected and demanded. Also, he abused me too so I dealt with him until my daughter saw him kiss another woman when I was at work. He would bribe my kids not to tell me but they still tell me. So the court gave me full custody, my house just in my name, and everything is mine I can do what I want to do. I will not restore the relationship I threw him out of the house he went to jail.”

“Password protecting you out of all of his devices is proof enough. After 2 cheating fiances (yes, I was engaged twice before my current) who locked me out of their devices and currently engaged to one who allows me access to everything, I’ve learned that this is a huge red flag. Also, once a cheater, always a cheater. Don’t waste your time trying to fix it.”

“He’s not trying to restore your relationship. He’s trying to replace you so why would you want to embarrass yourself by staying with someone that is capable of hurting you like that? I’ve been down that road and there’s no fixing someone who doesn’t see a problem in themselves or their actions. Free yourself.”

“Restore the relationship??? Why??? You can’t make someone not cheat. Once a cheater always a cheater.”

“Just talk to him. Don’t snoop. Tell him you already know in your heart what’s going on and you still want to restore the relationship but to do so you need him to come clean and start a clean slate IF he’s willing to end it and work on your relationship. Maybe he will change. Maybe he won’t. But if you decide to forgive him, do some soul searching and make sure you really can. Because your relationship won’t survive if you can’t forgive him. You deserve better, but I pray everything works out for you.”

“If you prove it and he says sorry, will you trust him again? Are you ready to find out the truth & what comes with it? Changing passwords is already very obvious so it is all up to you, maybe you talk about it & just confront him, it will save you time than finding evidences. If he denies with guilty responses by telling you you’re just paranoid & put some blame on you, that speaks enough.”

Have a response to this question? Leave it below to help a mama out! Or leave your own question and get responses from real moms!

READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

1 Like
2

Look at your phone bill for frequent talked to numbers and then call or text the number. That’s a start

2 Likes
3

Proof to confront him and restore the relationship… You deserve better.

29 Likes
4

He won’t stop just because you confront him. Don’t play yourself he already did that.

12 Likes
5

Leave…i would NEVER stay with a cheater

3 Likes
6

You don’t want to cause problems and want to restore the relationship?Then why bother looking for evidence? Just ask him if your having suspiscions.

7 Likes
7

Look at phone bull or call the phone company, they can tell you over the phone too

8

If he’s with someone else how do you think he is wanting to restore anything ? I think he wants a remake with the obvious new …
Dont waste your time hun .
You’re worth so much more

4 Likes
9

Restore the relationship so in two years he can do it again yeah that’s smart lmao!!! Just leave boo you’re not not dumb and don’t need proof

5 Likes
10

You’re never going to trust him and get insecure, theres no restoration here.
If he’s checked out he’s checked out.

10 Likes
11

Once a cheater is always a cheater. My ex husband cheated on me for 8 years. I was too busy with kids, housecleaning, the routines to do everything he expected and demanded. Also he abused me too so I dealt with him Til my daughter saw him kiss other woman when I was at work. He would bribe my kids not to tell me but they still tell me.
So the court gave me a full custody, my house just in my name, and everything is mine I can do what I want to do. I will not restore the relationship I threw him out of the house he went to jail.

9 Likes
12

Tell him flat out you know he’s cheating and make him fess up. I ain’t got time to be searching and doing all that.

1 Like
13

Just talk to him. Don’t snoop. Tell him you already know in your heart what’s going on and you still want to restore the relationship but to do so you need him to come clean and start a clean slate IF he’s willing to end it and work on your relationship. Maybe he will change. Maybe he won’t. But if you decide to forgive him, do some soul searching and make sure you really can. Because your relationship won’t survive if you can’t forgive him. You deserve better, but I pray everything works out for you.

4 Likes
14

Find proof to know you are 100% and get out. You deserve better. He’s already made it clear.

1 Like
15

Confront and restore???

3 Likes
16

He’s not trying to restore your relationship. He’s trying to replace you so why would you want to embarrass yourself by staying with someone that is capable of hurting you like that? I’ve been down that road and there’s no fixing someone who doesn’t see a problem in themselves or their actions. Free yourself

9 Likes
17

First find out if he is cheating and then when you do find out, you leave. Never stick with a cheater.

18

Have you noticed women liking his posts on Instagram, Facebook etc that you don’t know or are liking them frequently? Has he been in contact with an ex or someone from the past? Try snooping on his social media first. Other than that I would possibly show up to his job to have lunch with him one day. See if anything is going on at work.

5 Likes
19

The difference between men & women is that women always need proof to know they are right. Men don’t. I’d just confront him.

1 Like
20

All the signs are there - why would you want to work on a relationship when trust is so hard to get back ? Just leave hon … good luck

4 Likes
21

It will be the 2nd biggest problem you have. And it will begin when you start confrontation.

22

You want to stay with your cheating husband???

2 Likes
23

You don’t need evidence. If you know you know. Leave. He’s not going to change.

1 Like
24

Talk and communicate. Don’t ask for proof or to see he’s phone. Just ask if he’s cheating. See how he reacts and talk about your feelings to him. Communication is better than sitting around waiting for ‘evidence’.

2 Likes
25

If you’re certain why wait to get proof. The red flags and gut feelings there then you are most likely correct.

1 Like
26

For him to cheat he doesn’t love you. He’s completely checked out. Nothing to restore…

7 Likes
27

My ex cheated on me for 5 years. We broke up and got back together so many times and each time he promised he would change. He would beg me to forgive him, tell me it was a one time thing, that he was weak, that he needed me, that he never wanted to hurt me and wouldn’t again. It was never true. He would “change” just long enough to make me believe him and then he’d be right back at it again.

If you KNOW that he’s cheating you just need to leave. If you’re already looking to catch him doing it, you must believe that it’s happening and therefore you already don’t have trust. That trust is NEVER going to come back. It’s not worth it.

28

Check the phone records of who he calls the most or how many texts a day

1 Like
29

Huh¿ restore the relationship? So he’s cheating & won’t even be honest, is waiting until he gets caught & you want to restore the relationship!?? Girlll RUNNNNNN don’t walk run. Follow him from work, to work etc& you’ll see what you want to see but I’m not sure why you would want to settle for that!? You deserve better. He will continue to always cheat with a mindset like that of trying to keep him :see_no_evil:

1 Like
30

Your proof is him Changing his passwords and not allowing you to have access to it . If he wasn’t obviously hiding something then he would let you see his phone when you confronted him . I’d just straight up ask for his phone and if he says no then ask why he’s being so secretive about it .

2 Likes
31

If he’s creating he probably won’t stop due to being confronted

2 Likes
32

Get a girlfriend to be your detective if found guilty leave!!!

3 Likes
33

It really boils down to are you going to deal with it or move on.
Your guts aren’t wrong.
Nothing will change, it’ll only make him work harder to hide it.
Or he’ll stop hiding it and not give af.
:woman_shrugging:t2:

34

I would leave. You have to be pretty sure he is cheating. From my experience he won’t admit to cheating. I just happened to see a sweet telegram that was sent to my ex when he was out of town. He had been seeing by his woman for five years out of the twelve years that we were married. The only good thing that came out of those twelve years was my son. Don’t waste your time

35

I will tell you what my friend did. She hired a PI and found out her husband was cheating and went to the mistress house. She was pregnant. Before anyone judges, My friend had been through a lot and had cancer. Husband was by her side 100%. She had to find out for herself. It is dangerous so I do not recommend.

Now, what I want to know is why do you want to know if he’s cheating if you plan to stay? You can’t love a man into loving you and definitely can’t scare a man into being loyal. Why go through all the trouble? If you think you having proof to hold over his head will stop him from cheating, I can promise you it won’t. And if it did, why would you want someone who is miserable to be at your side? Looks like you have a decision to make. If I were in your shoes, I’d separate and collect myself and my thoughts. I’d get away from all toxicity and limit contact to just being about the kids. If he doesn’t miss you or is scared of losing his family, I’d stay gone.

4 Likes
36

Honest people have nothing to hide!

1 Like
37

Password protecting you out of all of his devices is proof enough. After 2 cheating fiances (yes, I was engaged twice before my current) who locked me out of their devices and currently engaged to one who allows me access to everything, I’ve learned that this is a huge red flag.

Also, once a cheater, always a cheater. Don’t waste your time trying to fix it.

7 Likes
38

Why in the hell would you want to restore an unfaithful relationship?!:flushed::woman_facepalming:t2: Get out! What makes you think that mess is worth restoring?

3 Likes
39

And if you already ‘think’ that he is cheating, he IS. :woman_shrugging:t2:hopefully you find your self worth and exit stage left. :smirk: but if I had to guess…:expressionless:

40

Restore the relationship?

3 Likes
41

I don’t have any good advice to give. I hope you find the strength to do what is right for you and your family.

42

Could You ever trust him again ? I couldn’t! It ruins the relationship.

43

Girl there is no restoration when someone is cheating

1 Like
44

RESTORE SERIOUSLY hes cheating he don’t love you why the hell you planning to stay

1 Like
45

Leave once a cheater always a cheater he’s not worth it

46

You guys don’t know her situation, and she thinks she can restore maybe she can… not for y’all to judge just give advise. I know if you have Verizon or at&t you can log onto it and see call and text logs… call the one he calls most frequently while you two are apart? :woman_shrugging: or text it just so you know, and it does say if it was a picture message as well… we use it for our kids but hey I’d use it for Hubbs if I thought something was up!

4 Likes
47

You already have your proof.

48

lol. restore the relationship.

just walk away. ive cheated and ive gotten cheated on and its better to start fresh with someone else.

i had the best guy ever who i trusted him with all my heart and ive had the worst guy ever. so i can honestly say if he truly loves u he wont cheat on u.

49

Restore the relationship??? Why??? You can’t make someone not cheat. Once a cheater always a cheater.

8 Likes
50

There is no restoring a relationship after cheating. You deserve better. Leave.

3 Likes
51

Not worth it move along

3 Likes
52

It will happen over and over if you stay. It’s a never ending cycle! Don’t punish yourself for someone else’s problems

3 Likes
53

So you think he is cheating and you want to restore the relationship… yea, that probably won’t happen. He is being unfaithful, why restore that

4 Likes
54

If you prove it and he says sorry, will you trust him again? Are you ready to find out the truth & what comes with it? Changing passwords is already very obvious so it is all up to you, maybe you talk about it & just confront him, it will save you time than finding evidences. If he denies with guilty responses by telling you you’re just paranoid & put some blame on you, that speaks enough.

4 Likes
55

Talk to him, and realize if he is cheating there is most likely nothing to restore because the cheating does not stop, it only gets more frequent.

2 Likes
56

You can’t restore a relationship once cheating is involved. If you’re looking for a way to prove your suspicions, maybe set up a cam where it can pick up audio from his calls.

3 Likes
57

If he is currently cheating and not willing to show you proof himself, you can’t change him. It’s better to leave.

The only way you can restore a relationship where one side cheated is for it to already be in the past when you learn of it. Like if he had cheated at one point and decided to stop of his own volition once your relationship got serious. Even then, there will be a lot of issues involved and you might not be able to trust him again. But you can only know that if you have access to his devices. If he doesn’t and you know he is hiding something, then it is time to go.

1 Like
58

Just ask him. Tell him his actions have changed. If he doesn’t want to be with u he needs to tell you. Don’t let it drag on. Don’t be afraid of being alone. Better alone than being cheated on and disrespected.

4 Likes
59

Cut the crotch out of all his pants

3 Likes
60

Leave. Serioisly its not worth it. I wasted a marriage thinking I could and the poor girl whose with him now deals with the same shit.

61

Tracking device on car or tracking app on your iphone/ smartphone, throw it in car trunk or back seat of his car where he can’t see it and track him from your computer/iPad. Take screenshots of all location stops… do this for a few days. You might find out where the woman’s home/workplace is, drive to the location where they’re meeting and catch them there! No need to restore the relationship though.

5 Likes
62

Slap yourself for staying when you know

2 Likes
63

Once a cheater always a cheater. Yeah u might fix things for the moment with couples therapy but later on down the road given the opportunity he will do it again. Because you forgave him the first time. So in his merely developed mind he’ll just think to himself oh she’ll forgive me so he’ll do it. That’s why you catch a man cheating once you kick his ass to the curb. Health over history!

64

The only thing you should worry about restoring is your sanity after this trash can is finished playing with you.

2 Likes
65

If your aim is to gather enough evidence to reconcile things I wouldn’t bother. If he wants to cheat and continue he will do so irrespective of whether he is caught out or not. If he does not want to work on the relationship with you then nothing will force him to do so (trust me this is from first hand experience). My advice is to work on yourself and to build up your own self worth and self love. If your spouse comes to his senses and realises the errors of his ways he will make every attempt to reconcile things with you but relationships need effort from both people in order to flourish and succeed. I am deeply sorry to say this as it sounds so harsh but I’m trying to give you the best advice I have. I really do wish you all the happiness in the world and hope you get what you want. I imagine it’s going to be a tough ride for you but you will come out the other side stronger irrespective of the outcome. Have faith lovely lady!

2 Likes
66

To be honest if he is cheating tell him your leaving. Go stay with a friend. If he wants to restore the relationship he will beg for you to come back. If not you’ll know your answer.

13 Likes
67

Your assuming that he wants to fix the relationship!!! You can’t make him want to restore your relationship. He has to want to do it as well. If he doesn’t then theres not much that can be done. Feather more has it occured to you that once you have the proof that you need and you confront him, he may own up to it, and say something to the effect of I no longer want to stay with you? All I’m saying is he has a choice as well, and things may not go down the way you want them to, or the way your expating them to. It rarely does.

2 Likes
68

You want to restore the relationship? Don’t you mean proof so that you can leave the relationship??
Don’t think you can just find out and then change his feelings

3 Likes
69

Nothing to restore. Move on. Once a man starts this behaviour itll only keep happening if you keep allowing it.

2 Likes
70

Two possibilities:

  1. Your intuition is right and he is cheating.
  2. Your intuition is wrong and you’re insecure.

Final outcome: Divorce

2 Likes
71

Gooi hem er uit als je het denkt is het zo

72

Restore the relationship :joy: why don’t you just get I’m a doormat inked on your head because you clearly let people walk all over you #MUG

1 Like
73

Idk but if you find out what her number it is you should cross post ads on Craigslist and other free ad sites askin for dick pics to br sent tp her number. I did that before when a bitch deserved it.

74

If he’s not cheating and you don’t trust him the relationship is over. If he is cheating the relationship is over because he doesn’t have enough respect for you to stay loyal.

75

Why do you want to restore that bs? If you know it 100% then go. Or make them go. It’s a struggle you don’t want and not worth the effort

76

Don’t restore anything. He is so intent on cheating. Why stay. He obviously isn’t invested

77

Although I would not want to reconcile or restore a relationship with a cheating spouse, there is a possibility of restoration. Some couples even grow stronger after something like this. Every relationship is different. To catch him, act like you know nothing. Eventually he will let his guard down and then you’ll get your proof.

78

Leave this cheater. Once a cheater always a cheater>

79

You gotta track him…think Phone records and maybe go to his job, bring cookies and just check the vibe.

80

Why would you even wanna be with someone who doesn’t wanna be with you?? LEAVE

1 Like
81

There is nothing to restore… not many “cheaters” change… they all promise they will. They never do. And as for evidence… you don’t need any… throw him out and move on… be the best thing for you.

1 Like
82

Catch him in the act. Follow him one day when he leaves. If you have kids have someone watch them. Then follow him. DO NOT CONFRONT HIM IN THE ACT. Take pictures then confront him. Try to look over his shoulder try to lean over while he’s on his phone and if he turns it to keep you from seeing it ask “what are you hiding, why can’t I see who you’re talking to?” When he messages someone ask who he’s talking to. When you get enough evidence confront him. I’ve had to do that countless times with 1 man. Finally left and found someone 1000x better.

83

Just leave, no point asking the internet when your intuition is telling you hes done…

84

He clearly doesn’t want to restore the relationship…

85

Put A GPS device on his auto find out what he’s upto.

86

Just pack his stuff nicely. Leave it out side the front door. When he ask why , tell him you know and your tired of the lies.
I’m sorry but you deserve someone who will be loyal to you and only you.

87

Um. If you’re sure he’s cheating…run

88

If you think he’s cheating and you want to restore the relationship, you don’t need evidence. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel and tell him you need transparency in your relationship.
Also know that he may not be looking to restore it and you have to prepare for that.
Be in prayer and find some Godly support.
Prayers for you and your husband.

7 Likes
89

You’re asking the wrong question. The question you should be asking yourself is what are you going to do IF he is cheating? If you’re going to ultimately forgive him and carry on in a trustless marriage, don’t bother finding out. If you feel that trust is absolutely essential for a committed relationship, and are prepared to either leave or boot him out if he is, you need to ask him directly. He may be cheating. He may not realise how you’re feeling and how his actions look like. If he’s got nothing to hide, he should be happy to prove it to you.

2 Likes
90

Is he cheating physically or just texting and just have improper text to another women. You been to find that out first.

91

Go to ur cell phone carrier & request ALL texts messages to be printed out! You have to pay for it but would be worth it! Hopefully you guys have a joint acct!

92

Phone records are an easy way. Itemize # by most called. Its a quick easy way. Then…call the #. Trust me, she’ll answer.

93

You need to take care of you
Move on u deserve better

1 Like
94

You can Hire a Private investigator , this way you can be 100% sure that he is indeed cheating on you. Me personally if my husband ever were to cheat on me, i wouldn’t give any second chances, I love myself way too much to accept and tolerate any disrespect towards our vows, cheating to me breaks that trust and bond… Even if you were able to fully forgive him, you will always have those doubts and question his whereabouts, even if you keep those doubts to your self. it’s not a way to live or be in a relationship

1 Like
95

Hello guys, finding the perfect man that befits your work is better than chasing after a fake hacker. its hard to find a real hacker nowadays cuz most of them are fake but this man was able to get my job done without stress or complain. He is capable of all sort of hacking like fb,WhatsApp, wechat,Snapchat,twitter,computer programming, bank hacking,grades upgrading, tracing any cell phone without detection. Believe me guys he is the best hacker emrysghosthacker@gmail.com ever…tell him Rhonda refers you to him…and remember to thank me later…

96

The fact that you question it reveals the answer let him go he not worth all the stress

97

The fact that you question it reveals the answer let him go he not worth all the stress