Hey, ladies, sorry its a bit long, but I’m really at a loss right now. I’m 21 weeks with my third son! His brothers and I are thrilled! I am a single mother, but I bust my ass, so my boys want for nothing, while also attending school part-time. When I found out I was pregnant, it was a complete shock because I was on birth control. When I told his father, he responded with, “I don’t think I can even have kids,” yeah, okay, I’m pregnant!! Anyways he ended up blocking me on everything! He got ahold of me around ten weeks wanting a booty call, and of course, I went off a little bit… just a little. My oldest son’s father pays child support (actually only for two months last year, and he’s 7!). My middle son’s father is dead. And I’m not going to lie; child support would be very helpful for this man! But IDK if I want him in my son’s life. A week after he hit me up, his new GF and he announced (with an ultrasound) they were pregnant, so I’m pretty sure he knew when he got a hold of me. She’s due a month after me. He’s “so excited and can’t wait for July” it really hurts. He denies our son. They started dating three days after I found out I was pregnant (i told him the day I found out) we weren’t anything and we both knew it. We hooked up twice, but now we have a baby. I just don’t know if I should even get him involved once the baby is born. My mom told me to test him and let him make his decision. But I feel like he already has made his choice.
If you have to decide if you want child support or not. Child support, then yes… pursue it, but be willing to have him in your child’s life and have visitation. If you don’t want child support, then let it be.
He was obviously dating you both and doesn’t want the other baby mama to know he was stepping out
I would just move on. Get ready for your little one and leave the trash behind.
I would take him to court. They will require a paternity test and he will have to pay child support. He probably won’t ask for any parenting time from the sounds of it, and if he does then you guys can figure it out through mediation.
Your future child has a right to know so take the test
If he wants to deny your child and you don’t need the child support then. Good ridence. It’s not worth the hurt it will continue to cause you or your children
Still test him. He should help pay for his child regardless
Your son deserves to be supported financially. Its not about you.
There’s dna blood testing you can do while pregnant. Insurance probably won’t cover it. Even if you brought him for child support they would do free DNA testing right there.
Either way no matter what choices he has made he still has the right to know and be part of his sons life if he wants too
I’d take him for support. But that’s just me
File for child support, the state will do dna testing and start to enforce child support from your first borns father as well. These men think its okay to get their pp wet and have no consequences for abandoning their children. File for sole custody so he doesn’t have to deal with a child he doesnt want, but still has to be just as responsible financially as you do. It takes 2 to make a baby, it should take 2 to financially support it.
Paternity test r very expense
Hes not going to be any kind if father to ur baby
All u can get is child support
For that u will have to put him on birth certificate
I for one would rather not deal with him at all. Dont put anyone on birth certificate
If the father is denying he is the father, let him be. Just list you as the only parent so he can’t try to fight for the kid later down the road. It’s best that way
Depending on what state you live in, they may make you file for child support anyway. That’s what happened to me when I had my daughter and the father didn’t want her. He moved out of state to avoid it so he wasn’t on the birth certificate. But I had to file by law anyway and they tracked him down. He pays child support now but has never met her. He didn’t show up for court to do paternity so it defaulted to him. He won’t have a choice
Child support court. That doesn’t grant him visitation. Just bc he’s a dick doesn’t mean you should support the child solely on your own. It’s up to him if he wants to be in the kids life or not. But he also has a sibling with his dads gf, he should
Get a chance to know the siblings
Child support has absolutely nothing to do with custody. He should help financially. I’ve learned you can’t force someone to be a parent. My ex left when my children were 3 & 1. They are now 6 & 4. Since leaving, he hasn’t paid for anything. He barely sees them, he hasn’t seen them for a solid 9 months now. He doesn’t call to check in or anything. At this point, he really doesn’t know my children. After 3 years, I have a court date for child support. And I’m debating if I want to go through with it or cancel & be done.
For the other child that has a father that has passed he should be getting survivors benefits and as for the other two you need to pursue child support
I’d take him for support especially since it sounds like he wont be there but atleast it will benefit you. Then after he isnt there file for abandonment and still get child support.
Send the paternity paperwork after birth, file for child support, and go on with your life. If he wants custody, he can file for that.
Congrats on your new addition!
He doesn’t get to just have kids and then decide he wants nothing to do with them. Doesn’t work that way. He needs to step up and at least help raise this kid financially. Ur struggling while he’s living his happy life with his gf and new baby…don’t think so.
In the end its about your son. Even tho u dont like his fathers actions, ur son has the right to know who he is. I mean if u file for dna, child support etc dude will most likely still flake out but atleast u will be able to tell ur son u tried.
He knew the risks when sleeping with you. If I were in your shoes I would file with the courts and they will do a paternity test. My mother raised me alone because my father didn’t want to be a father but knowing who he was would have been way better than not knowing. It’s one thing to know your not wanted but at least he wouldn’t be left wondering like I was…but go with your guts mama, it’s called mother’s intuition for a reason!
A child deserves the right to know who their father is . Get a DNA test and let the dad make the decision if he will be involved or not . In the end he is still responsible to help support his child
He has a legal obligation to financially maintain his child. Wherever he actually parents is another story. Get was is due to your child. It’s rightfully the babies money. Do the dna test and get it out of the way. Let him pay for it
Child support and custody are two different things. Put him on child support
Even if he doesn’t want to be apart of this kids life, you can still get his ass for all the child support.
Stop spreading your legs to everyone that says “hi” and you wouldn’t be a single mother with 3 kids and two deadbeats. Go file for child support and have them do a DNA test.
Establishing child support establishes his right to file for visitation. Just depends on how badly you need the money.
Tough one, but personally he blocked you once except for a booty call. Block him in return and let him reach out. Tell your son about his father (what you can say that you know) and leave it at that. He made his choice and it is clear. He may assume that he wasn’t he only one you were seeing, or could have been told you were with others. Once baby is born and he sees the baby he may realize it is his and step up. If not, you can’t force him to step up and guys seem to find ways to get out of paying child support (ie quit job, have gf support him, work under table etc) and they seem to always have girlfriends of family to help them get away with it. A child needs a father, but not one that isn’t going to be around or one that is going to prove they love their other children more. That is toxic. He will learn when baby is born, he will likely see pics online if you or any friends post any. He will know it’s his and then it’s up to him. But that is my personal opinion. Might be wrong, might be right.
I’d say get a dna year done and get child support
I’d tell the girlfriend that her baby has a sibling and the father will have to be responsible as well.
I would file child support papers right before your due. If he denies the baby then the DNA test will be done and he will have to pay for it.
He needs to wrap it up if he’s gonna sleep around. I would block him too and deal with him only through text or the child support office.
Girls go thru dhs an they’ll make him pay for it an put his ass on child support. Then tell him see ya
Have the baby… Get a DNA done…hit him for child support …then b done with him an u an the baby go one in life…if u gotta force him…its no good !!!
Get DNA Tests then file for support!!! Go after this 2 timing ass!!!
Just be sure to hit him up for child support. That’s it
I cant believe people think he should get out of his responsibilities because he’s a dick. Make his butt pay child support. Im so sick to death of women saying well if he doesn’t care just forget it. No! Dont forget it. Your child deserves the best life and if all you do with that money is start a savings account for college then do it! This is why so many men don’t give a crap. Because so many women are picking up the slack. We know women are capable but they shouldn’t he left hanging just because some guy couldn’t man up. You are responsible for teaching your sons what’s acceptable dont start with showing him that it’s okay to sign off on your responsibility. He will either pay you or run for the rest of his life but they will eventually get that money.
I have near the same story…so this hits home for me. I went thru the same issues while pregnant, a little worse at times tho. We had dna while pregnant, it showed 99.9% his child. After birth, he took the baby without my knowledge and had another dna done, with his lawyer and that one came back 0% … fight after fight, his lawyer finally threatened to sue me for falsely making the father believe it was his child. Before I could get it to court, his lawyer made an agreement that if i changed my daughters name, he would drop the case. He presented their “dna” test to the judge and the judge signed over saying I had the right to go change her name on the birth certificate (since he did sign it at birth) and her social security card…and that he be relieved of all rights of her. I couldnt fight it, bc my lawyer as well had his dirty fingers in what they’ve done. Now I cant find a lawyer to take my case against all involved. So now it’s a matter if I want to keep fighting for what I know is to be true, or leave him alone and go on with our lives.
U better get that child support order in. The first kid always gets more. If she winds up getting support before u do. She will get the majority and your kids won’t. Take his money and let him be non active.
I’m guessing the other girl doesn’t know about you? If she doesn’t he probably doesn’t want you interfering. So, get his ass a court ordered paternity test lol.
Child support and a person being involved with a child are 2 different things, one has nothing to do with the other. As for your child’s father who passed he should be receiving survivor benifits. File for child support, and if he denies the child in some places he will have to pay for the paternity test if it turns out its his. Then file for sole custody and abandonement. Congrats on your new addition as well.
He sounds like a real douche bag but where I come from you make a baby you pay your dues. If he don’t he can set in jail and maybe he will become the booty call.
I would take him to court and tell them he is denying the baby so you would like to request a prenatal paternity test, and then once baby is born file for full legal physical custody n child support ASAP.
File. Get child support. Just because he pays support doesnt mean he’ll actually want to be in baby’s life. Sad but true.
You can get child support custody is different and has nothing to do with child support.
Make him take the test; go through DSHS and once it’s positive they’ll put an order for child support in.
Just because they PAY doesn’t mean you OWE them anytime with your child.
Well I had a similar situation, left it alone, he isn’t on the BC and my son will be five this year. Anytime I’ve contacted him his wife or GF would speak for him but he would tell me he didn’t want him. The wife, he got with after me and telling me he didn’t want kids had one with her and there like a year and some months apart. I think . He was a fling and I was shocked when I found out. Thankfully God sent me and angel 
and my son has had a dad since I was 6 months pregnant. I’d leave it be for now. You do have time to think it thru .
Go after him for child support. The courts will order a DNA test if he fights the child support I’m pretty sure. He got another girl pregnant a month after you. Just because he doesn’t want to be with you doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be there for your baby, but he should be there for the baby of the mom he wants to be with. He was irresponsible and got two girls pregnant. You were on birth control and were trying to be responsible. Even if you are happy about it, it wasn’t intentional. Since he is with the other girl, she won’t request child support. Do yours first!!
Honestly? His girlfriend will be giving birth right after you, the chances of him actually being involved are slim.
File for support, if he doesn’t pay he doesn’t pay. It’ll add up and catch up to him eventually. Don’t let him skate by not helping because he’s a jerk.
His right to file for visitation is there regardless of whether you file for support. A child support enforcement division does not set up visitation or custody. That would be up to the father to hire an attorney and file to the clerk of court. My child’s father pays support through the court but has never asked to see him or filed a court action. He is 18 months old. I hope it stays this way, honestly.
OK child support has nothing to do with visitations, yes, it does give him a parental right to the child but it sounds like he doesn’t want anything to do with this child if he’s denying the child. Go through the state, they will order the DNA test to establish paternity and garnish his wages. It’s not just your responsibility to be protected and birth control isn’t 100%. And never withhold the truth of the paternity to the child. It’s in the child’s best interest psychologically and health wise just in case there are any future health concerns. You don’t need to involve anyone else, it’s his responsibility as much as it is yours. Take care hon. Congratulations.
Sounds like my ex. Put him on child support. More than likely, his new GF and him won’t want to be around your baby, which honestly doesn’t seem like it would bother you too much on that end. There is no shame in putting him on child support to receive the monetary help that you and your baby deserve. I’d take it a step further if you have proof of him trying to cheat on her with you, I’d send it to her. He sounds like a dog.
We met in October
I got pregnant in November
He left in December.
He stated he didn’t want to be involved. So he hasn’t been, all his choosing, I’ve left every door and opportunity available for him to be, he chooses not to be (also with the she’s not even mine she’s as much his as she is mine, in fact she looks identical to him), he’s been no contact since she left the nicu and came home. I did the whole pregnancy alone, was in the hospital for 4 weeks before she was born at 31 weeks and 3 days alone, he didn’t come, no one did, stayed at her beside alone for 3 weeks and have raised her these last 7 months alone. Everything she has is because of me. No involvement is no involvement, I don’t want child support, I’ve refused it. If he doesn’t want to be in her life which is priceless, then a portion of his paycheck is pointless. I won’t degrade myself by holding out my hand to someone who doesn’t see her as his
Get the child support!! Its his kid he has to pay rather he wants to or not. You both made the kid u both have to be responsible for it not just you even if it was just a “hook up” shit happens. And i agree with mom let him make a decision if he does want to be there great you’ll have some extra help if he doesn’t oh well his loss. You cant force him to be there but the state will force him to pay lol. Im sure you’ll be a great mom to all 3 as you’re already doing it now alone. you got this! I have 3 kid’s myself i was doing it alone at one point also it is hard at times but i managed and my kids are worth it to me. Good luck 
Just for future reference: You should always be using 3 forms of birth control with new partners or broke and unreliable people (ie hormonal + condom + pull out).
Contact social security about benefits for your son whose father died.
If you can handle it on your own- maybe it’s better. Either way- I don’t think anyone can judge you for your decision. Good luck!
Have him tested child support would make him anyway and if he doesn’t want to be a part of his life he can still financially support child. You knew what it was as u said and have u been with other men besides him recently ? I believe there is more to the story
You won’t get child support til baby is born and u can prove paternity
Also don’t rely on child support it is income based he probably has a shitty job I get 18.00 a week for my son it’s a joke
Wait for the kid to be born, get a test done and have everything be set up through the courts (child support/visitation schedules). If its really his kid, he wont be able to deny it at that point, and if its not his child yall can be done for good. But its not your choice to deny him the right to be in his childs life.
Test him let your child determine everything later in life just do your part for the open door and No more booty calls
I agree with alot of people here, child support doesnt mean he has to be involved! File, they’ll make him pay for the dna test if it comes to him being the father and then you will be receiving financial help. Its totally not fair for that child or you.
Jill Franssen that is bad advice. Once she files for custody he will counterclaim for visitation. If she files just for paternity testing and child support through DSS then it’s the father’s burden to file for visitation in a separate action, which may or may not happen. But when you file in family court in a private action you can be sure the father will get all the visitation he can now that you’ve filed the court action and he can piggy back your litigation. No. Go to DSS for CS. It may take longer but mom is sole custodian until father files his own private court action. FYI.
Dna and go 4 child suppory
Custody, paternity test and child support.
I’d have the courts perform a paternity test and fight for child support
My husband went through this with his biological dad. Even if you showed proof that the child is his he can go months without paying before they will force him. Even then he can sign over his rights and not have to pay at all… in my husband case… it would’ve been easier to just know even know the guy… would’ve been better emotionally in the long run
First off look into survivor benefits for your 2nd then just file child support they’ll do dna testing.
Unpopular opinion: leave him out of everything and move on. He’s already made his position clear and he wasn’t for the pregnancy so he shouldn’t be forced into supporting or a relationship with your child.
If you want his $ then follow through with paternity tests. If not leave the immature jerk alone.
So no one is going to say anything about him obviously cheating on his pregnant “girlfriend”?..because I’d be so quick to show her he’s running around. Secondly, I would consider the whole relationship itself. Would you two be able to coparent? If not I would leave him be. But if so, do the test, make him look like an idiot and get child support. But I also dont know if getting child support automatically means he gets visitation or not.
I’d let it go. He doesnt want you or the baby in his life and even if you pushed it, he’d probably be a crappy dad to your child and you’d also probably complain his “new gf wants to play mommy to MY baby” and it would hurt both kids in the meantime. Let it go. Raise your kids with love and move on and maybe no more booty calls or hookups until you can get better birth control.
I would not want that slimeball raising my kid. Get yourself an education and a good paying job so you don’t need baby daddy’s to support shit.
Hes clearly made his choice. But id take him for cs. Establish full 100% custody first. You can leave him off bc and take him for cs. My husband isn on his oldest bc and he pays every month. They will habe him do a dna test and then once comes back positive he will be paying. Or you could just say fuck you and completely cut him out…if it were me tho id make him pay cause he was man enough to fuck with out condom knowing bc isn always 100% full proof then he can be man enough to pay for his baby. Wether he wants it or not
You’re not a quick learner are you?Three babies, three different fathers, no husband. Geez. Time to make some changes. Figure out how you’re going to support three babies by yourself and make sure you start living a lifestyle that doesn’t result in a fourth. File for child support as soon as you have that baby and prepare to not get any. Don’t let him use you anymore. You’ve got bigger things to focus on.
You file a case for child support. Better yet, apply for state aid (Medicaid, SNAP, etc) and the state will handle the rest. They’ll order a paternity test. On his dime when it comes back that he’s the father. He can fight for visitation at that time though once paternity is established. So you have to weigh what’s best for your child n
I would do the DNA. So your baby knows in case at sometime wants to meet him. I understand the money part but he doesn’t want this baby. Do you want him even connected to your family? I have to side with Mom. DNA and okay what are you going to do (the guy)? Keep your last name for your baby to avoid him trying to take your baby. Maybe even don’t put his name on Birth Certificate? I hope whatever you decide for you and baby you will never regret, feel comfortable with your decision. I haven’t been through this so others may have better advice.
Don’t talk to him again block his ass and wait for your state requirement to File for abandonment abandon for custody get that approved and then NAIL has ass for child support !! He won’t be in the picture unless you let him and he will be under a court order to pay child support my states 6 months of no contact
Yes survivor benefits you should be able to get atleast 1k a month. My cousin passed away and left behind two boys and there mom gets 2k a month they weren’t married or anything actually they weren’t even together, so definitely look into it! And as far as the lame ass dad goes, F him. If he doesn’t want the baby and denies it then that’s on him!
And we’re all mothers here, let’s not bash the girl on how many baby fathers she has. I’m sure you Karen up there have slept with more than one man and we’re just lucky enough to not get pregnant 
Sounds like he was already dating someone else before he left u tbh , if he can just walk out and block u everything for no reason other than u telling him your pregnant then he had defo been hiding something , sounds like an absolute snake but defo get money for your child , your child is entitled to it x
Have your baby get the dna to prove his dad and then tell him you want nothing to do with him and you dont want him in the childs life.
Far the father of your your child you can get death benefits of the father is on the brith Certificate I know a lot about it jus sent me a message on messager and I can anwere your questions but child support is different from Custody that is 2 different things and yes most states go wen you go far custody if he pays child support they will want him to to the child but if he has stepped out in my state is far over 6 months they will use that Against him if he does go far Custody and if you have proof of it or if he a a danger to the child just keep all texts and records every phone call wen you talk to him or email keep those to far proof so if he does try to go after it later then you will have the proof and after he is proven to be the father they will but him on the brith certain
Can people maybe stop being assholes and either throw out helpful suggestions or just shut The hell up? My lord…
file for support after this little one is born and do the DNA so he can stop with the doubting…does his gf know u are pregnant. These kids will be siblings and deserve to know each other.
Move on but let his wife/girlfriend aware about it…he need grow up wow
Seems like you need to make some serious changes in your life. Your kids DO want for things…like stability and a present mother. Time to grow up toots.
I’ve went through something similar but a DNA is done with my daughter and he’s only seen her 4 times in her life and honestly DNA didnt change a thing. I’d keep the baby and move on. I wish I had because now I feel like I force these people in being in my daughters life and they want nothing to do with her. I told his gf about the baby and she parted sides with him.
Just do the test and make him pay child support if he wants to be involved he will be!
Sadly it’s not up to you. That child has a right to know their biological father and ALL their siblings. Even if that means he’s not present and is just on the birth certificate for a later date when the child goes looking for him. It’s an offense to lie on the forms and say you don’t know, which if he ever turned around and went after you for, wouldn’t be hard to prove you lied.
And whether you like it or not, his gf and their child is also your child’s sibling, so the children come first.
Do the test once the baby is born to put his doubts to rest (you weren’t dating, just hooked up a couple of times it seems) and go from there.
Paternity test with child support enforcement in your state. Other option is to file for sole custody once the baby is born. The court will have him do a paternity test if he denies being the father.
Honestly…let him walk away and do not put his name on anything.
I would have put him on blast on that post. 🤷 that’s just me
Let him go, you will be better off and so will your son
Child support and custody are two different things. Get child support! Highly doubt if he doesn’t want the kid now, that he will prolly not want him later
Exactly… whether he wants to see the baby or not it’s his responsibility to pay support for the child he made… it’s your child’s right to be supported by his biological father…kids are very expensive as you already know… bio dad needs to learn to use his own birth control or he will continue to do this… very irresponsible… teach him some responsibility! What about all this unprotected sex & sexually transmitted disease…geez people get a grip!
Get a DNA…get child support and let him be the daddy to his other baby…sounds like a toxic situation to have a dad in the baby’s life if he doesnt want him. My girlfriend went through something very similar…she gave her child her last name…got DNA results and went to court for child support. He never admitted or never wanted to be in his sons life…he had a different family … a wife and child.
Have your baby first. Then contact a lawyer a few months later.
But start doing your own research in the state you live in. Some states will automatically gives the father rights once hes proven to be the father.
Also dont put him on the birth certificate or give him that guys last name.
I would attempt to contact that new girl just to give her a heads up not like she will believe you but I would want to know if i was her
I’m sorry our situations are as they are . I’m in the opposite position n would love to be in your shoes again.
I say do a dna test just so you know. Dont push the issue if your not comfortable. But dont burn your bridges incase he mans up. I have one son who is almost 3 who has never seen or met his Bio Father I left the gates of communication open on my end I left the ball in his court because I do not wish for my son to not have his father in his life if n when he MANS UP. bit I dont harass him his new gal or his new baby. best of luck hugs n loves