I don’t know how to do this but I have a question on how others would handle the situation/ what to do. Me and my friend got pregnant at the same time but I miscarried 3 weeks ago at 13 weeks. She just found out the gender(she’s 16 weeks) and wants me to help her plan her baby shower. I’m starting to resent her and have been avoiding her. Tonight she told me to move on and that she really needs my help. What should I do/ how should I handle this? How have others handled this type of circumstances?
This kinda happened to my bestfriend and I. I found out I was pregnant November 17th and she gave birth to a full term stillborn on December 5th. Now I totally get it’s not the same but I know from experience that my friend was HEARTBROKEN, she carried her baby full term only for her to pass away when she gave birth. I signed the death certificate and yet and still my bestfriend was there for me throughout my pregnancy and birth. I know it was hard on her but only god above has control of what happens. She was “2nd Mama” to my child, a daughter, just like hers, a few years later she had her own live birth, another daughter. Don’t give up Mama…it wasn’t meant to be for you at this moment, god had other plans…it’ll all work out in the end…don’t resent your friend!!
Maybe moving on means not helping her.
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Move on from her if you tried telling her how you felt and that’s what she said she’s not a real friend.
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This is a tough spot for you both. She still needs her best friend. You need to work through this season.
I personally would sit and think about this for a while, I wouldn’t plan a full baby shower but I’d go and bring her a small gift and leave when it was time… I’d ask her to give you space because your hurting and she’s happy.
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Wow selfish or what! Talk about the “all about me” attitude. Move on from her! She is no friend.
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Ew & you consider her a friend? No matter the years as her friend her lack of empathy & compassion is enough for me to cut ties.
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No Friend should EVER say get over it or move on etc…
That’s a loss that can’t be forgotten…
Lose her… she’s not a Friend…
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The only moving on you need to do is from her. I’m so sorry for your loss.
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Maybe move on from her… One never really gets over the death of a child whether born or not… She should be extremely thankful that she is carrying a baby and that baby its aloce and well
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Let me start by saying I am so so sorry for the loss. Take the time to grieve and take extra time to take care of yourself. That’s key.
Next, Do you value the friendship you have with this friend? If yes, put your feelings aside and be there for her and do it without reservation. Be happy for her. That doesn’t mean you can’t still mourn your loss but resenting her doesn’t make sense. Unfortunately it happens. I remember miscarrying when me and another coworker and my SIL were all pregnant at the same time. Two of the 3 of us miscarried a few weeks apart and my SIL was a false pregnancy. Right after I miscarried, a coworker/friend found out she was pregnant after endless tries and fertility treatments. She didn’t want to tell me because I had lost the baby but my mom told her she should, knowing it would make me happy. And it did. I got to be happy for someone else and it helped to distract me from my own sadness. Sadly she also miscarried later but being there for her through it all, meant the world to her.
Life is too short.
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My opinion, I think you need to not worry about helping her and help yourself. And if she is a “true real friend” she would already understand this. You have endured the greatest loss a mother could possibly endure. You need time to thoroughly process your loss and try to heal. There are times in life we have to leave all the other things behind and focus on ourselves, and your situation is most important. That is a total lack of empathy and very toxic in my opinion. Many prayers for you 
Sending my deepest heart felt condolences.
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I am so sorry!!! That is very insensitive of her. While it is in no way her fault your baby didn’t make it to Earth and hers is still healthy, that is a horrible way for her to respond to your loss. I would tell her that you are not in a place of being able to help her and you would appreciate some distance.
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What an awful “best” friend. That a bullsh!t thing to say to someone in your shoes, she should be ashamed.
I’m sorry for your loss. Any real friend would both respect your right to grieve and ask if you were up to doing that kind of task for her (or even better, should know if it’s too much for you without asking)
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Simply explain to her why you can’t do it. If she cannot understand your feelings, then she is nor a friend.
No ma’am she went too far
What kind of friend would tell you to “move on” after losing your child? Take some time to care for yourself and to grieve with your husband–you have both suffered a huge loss. Your rather self centered friend needs to back off. I am so very sorry for the loss of your little one.
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No man she only thinks about herself you still bussy with the process of loosing your baby shes selfish
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She probably said “move on” cuz this didn’t happen to her so she fully doesn’t understand how you feel. I would tell her that you are grieving and there is a process you have to go through and that this is something you just don’t “move on” from. I would tell her that helping her plan a baby shower is just to hard for you to do and if she doesn’t accept that and understand as your friend, then I would “move on” from her 
. Also, you are hurting right now, but either way, your friend is having a baby come into this world and I’m sure she just wants you to be a part of that. You need to take time for yourself and heal (however long that may take you), but you have to try to get rid of the feelings of resentment cuz it’s not your friends fault or her unborn child’s fault 
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Babe that is not a best friend!! Wtf no one should ever tell you to move on what’s wrong with some people 
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She needs to back off and let you grieve and process.
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Let her know you’re happy for her and wish her the best but you need time. Especially given how close your due dates would be. Let her know you would love to help but for now you just can’t and as your friend she can surely respect kt
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That was terrible to say and she should let u heal from ur pain in ur own time . She shouldn’t expect u to be able to help her right now . She honestly should be there for u at this moment. Sorry for ur loss . 
Honestly , I’d end up just cutting her off and blocking her. That’s not a friend and I’m sure if the shoe was on the other foot, she would feel the exact same way. You can’t just get over something like that and it’s quite heartless of her to be that way towards you
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There are no timelines on grief. She is being selfish and very inconsiderate. I would understand it if you don’t want to do this but I would sit her down and tell her that you really are truly happy for her and you will eventually come around, but for now it’s just too painful for you and that you need her to understand that it has absolutely nothing to do with how much you love her as your friend or how much you love her baby. It’s about grief. Ask her to please cut you some slack because you are having a really difficult time right now.
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First I am so sorry for your loss, I know how it feels to loose a child. I miscarried at 4 months and a year later I lost twins at 6 months. It took me years to get over these losses. I think your friend is being a bit insensitive and you need to tell her that at this time you are unable to help her because it’s really a difficult and an emotional time for you and you would appreciate her respecting your feelings and asking her to find someone else to help her. If she shows you any type of negative attitude then you may want to cut ties.
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You need grief counseling. You should be happy for your friend. Be honest with her tell her you’re hurting over the loss and you can’t just get over it and her telling you that hurt more than she ever will know. Ask her how would she feel if she had lost her baby and you treated her the way she is treating you. I don’t think you are truly resenting her I think you are grieving and the pain is misplaced jealousy over you losing the baby and she still has hers.
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I think you need to heal and worry about you. Tell her to find other friends to organise it for her.
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Where’s her compassion?
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Me personally I would have blown up on her knowing how hard any loss is and she wants you to only focus on her happiness while you are going through grief. It never matters how old someone is when they pass it’s still going to be hard on the family. Tbh she is being very selfish and you need to mourn she needs to realize that.
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Nah you don’t tell anyone, ever to move on. Grief will never go away. Nobody can imagine the death of a child till you go through it. A friend would not say that. If it were me - I’m not doing a baby shower and get rid of her as a friend.
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I think you need to have a heart-to-heart with her, did you have a memorial service for your baby? Maybe by doing something with friends and family (or even just her, tell her you need her support) it will help you and it helps her see that you lost a baby, you don’t just ‘move on’ in 3 weeks or ever to a degree… That was a heartless comment and shouldn’t be ignored or it will just keep building up until you have no friendship.
Tell your sorry but your not ready and you can’t help her . If she is a true friend she will understand if not you don’t need her.
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Step back from her. Even though this is her most exciting time, yours was cruelly taken. You can take as long as you need to greive! She’s doesn’t sound like a best friend
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You can only do what you feel up to. If shes such a good friend I think she should have been a bit more sensitive…this is obviously a sad time for you…look after you. If it was me I would talk to her and explain how would she feel if it was her. Im sure you will have more babies in the future just not this time…so sorry for your loss
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Wow i would ask her how she would feel if y’alls places were switched. Like it was literally only 3 weeks ago, she is being completely selfish and only thinking of herself
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Use ain’t bests friends that’s for sure you don’t need her an she doesn’t care about you probably going to be hard to see her happy but your better off not being involved with her or her baby shower will only make you more sad for losing baby
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Wow she is cold hearted to say that. I would resend her too. I would totally say bye Felicia. How heartless. She is not a friend. Hugs and sorry for your loss.
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How dare her say you need to move on from what happened!!! My best friend and I have daughters 2 days apart. Then we both got pregnant again and we’re due a few weeks apart. I miscarried at 15 weeks and my best friend was amazing through it. She would have NEVER said something to me like that to me! This girl is NOT your best friend. I am so sorry for your loss! I would tell this girl that your feelings are valid and you aren’t emotionally available to help her right now. Tell her you need time away from here and would need space! I’m sorry but f"ck that b"tch! I am so sorry she is treating you like this 
You do not deserve to be treated like that during one of the worst times in your life.
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Tell you are definitely moving on… WITHOUT HER
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How she spoke to you was cold hearted … SMH. Either
Explain it too her…or leave her be…your choice.
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You need to grieve and heal
If she needs help then find help
Telling you to simply move on is not a friendly thing to say
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She’s very insensitive
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She didn’t say move on from what everyone jumping down the friends throat I highly doubt she would say that and she’s pregnant herself and not out of the clear but it’s not your friend fault you lost the baby try again maybe God knew it wasn’t your time
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Let me start by saying I’m sorry for your loss…While u do need time to grieve,u also need to tlk to your friend & explain to her that u are trying to be happy for her,but it is hard for u,& u need to step back…Anddd if she’s that type of friend that tells u to “move on” or “get over it” then u need to let her go fr your life…u need all of the support that u can get.
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Move on???!!!??? WTF
I am so sorry your “friend” is like this. You have every right to be avoiding her and limiting your time around her and/or other pregnant women.
I would simply be done with her and just block her.
Lots of hugs. So sorry for your loss
I lost a little one at 16wks and it’s not something we just get over
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She Iz Not Ur FRIEND!
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I had a miscarriage last year…a few weeks later my best friend found out she was pregnant. Of course I had a whirlwind of emotions about everything but first and most of all I was so happy for her. In saying that though she was also super aware of the pain I had just gone through and was so understanding.
I think you should be super involved but she also needs to respect how you’re feelings can come into play, not just tell you to get over it….because it’s not something you just “get over”.
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Be honest with her. If she still doesn’t understand walk away.
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Straiiigghhttt blockage
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Just tell her you are happy for her but you really just need grieving time. It’s hard to explain if they have never been through it
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Tell her that you can’t. She can not expect you to move on so quickly. It’s not something you move on from either. You’ve lost your child. It’s something you live with nit move on from. She needs to respect your feelings on this and ask others for help.
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I agree with you being angry about the lack of empathy but you are wrong for being upset with her about the pregnancy. You have every right to hurt and grieve in your own way on your own time. She did not take anything from you. Il
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She is not a friend. To ask you to plan a baby shower will you are grieving is fucked up.
This exact thing happened to me. I couldn’t handle it. She was looking at baby outfits while I was in the emergency room waiting to be seen because I knew I had miscarried (she was with me) we are no longer friends
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I mean… Yeah if she said that that’s pretty cold. But also what if you get pregnant right away again?.. Do you want her in your life? - I guess is the main question… I dont know your guy’s history or lack thereof.
She sounds like one insensitive and selfish bitch.
I’m so sorry you are going through this, but she’s not a real friend. If anyone needs to move on it’s her!
Your emotions are valid. Tell her you can’t right now bc your emotions are all over the place, and she needs to respect that, and for her to “move on” with her planning of everything with out you…. Good luck mourn you miscarriage as long as you want….
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That’s not a friend!!! She should put herself in your position. You’re grieving. She’s inconsiderate
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If someone tells you to get over the death of your child, you need to leave them, delete their number, and never contact them again. That is one very selfish animal. No human would say something that insensitive
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If she said that, WOW. But I’m thinking you may have misinterpreted. Try discussing this again. If she doubles down, cut her out. Sorry for your loss.
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You need your time to grieve!!!
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It took me years to get over my miscarriage. I adopted the next year but it was very difficult. I sm sorry for your loss. I didnt want to be around babies or their mothers due to my depression.
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Take your time grief is not something you move on from especially of your own child. And her lack of empathy and support towards you shows you her true colors I wouldn’t be friends after the move on comment.
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If she can’t be there for you in this heartbreaking time then you don’t need to be there for her — cut all ties
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Talk to her and explain you’re grieving your lost. She should understand and look for someone else to help her. Unless you really wanna suck it up and just go along with it (I’d advise not to). If she doesn’t understand then she’s no friend. S
You’d think she’d understand… Spiteful Cow she is. There’s no Friendship there get rid of it now.
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Nobody has the right to say that to you, she isn’t a very good friend if she has to say that
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Be honest. Ask her to put herself in your shoes. You’re mourning and If she doesn’t understand, then she’s not your friend. Bless your heart xoxox huge huggsss
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Thats a little cold… and way to early to plan a baby shower anyway. She must give u time to grieve your loss if she is your friend she will respect that and help you through it first.
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I would not help her. She’s being selfish telling you that and expecting you to help. You need your time. Just give her your absence. She’ll be upset but she needs to get over it.
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She told you to what! Wow
Thats no friend.
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Talk…share your feelings…if you don’t agree or resolve, then she wasn’t a true friend. You can still be happy for her, but she should still grieve with you. Hugs hon…
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Only you know how long you need to grieve don’t let anyone tell you to move on and get over it, you tell her to find someone else to plan it because you need time to yourself
When I miscarried I couldn’t go to any baby showers for at least a year. She should be more understanding and allow you your time to grieve.
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It can take years to get over a miscarriage. Don’t let anyone tell you different. It takes time to actually process and to feel the way you do.I would tell her how you feel and to please understand what you are going through and if she gets angry upset that’s on her. You will know if she’s a true best friend or not. If not find some new friends.
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It’s not for someone else to tell you when you are done grieving. She of all should understand simply because what if the tables were turned. Voice your feelings. If she cracks it, then that shows her true character and rven though it will be hard, you can assess your friendship and work out if it’s best to let it go.
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She’s not a good friend.
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Very insensitive for her to say that. I was in her shoes with a bff… and I was very sympathetic. Told her, whatever she needed, I was here… if she wanted to avoid me, I understood and when she was ready, I would be here… If she wanted to be extra involved that was ok too. Whatever she needed… She chose to be extra involved… I was also going to be a single Mom… I left the guy the day of my child’s conception. She was with me during birth, drove me to the hospital, and home… and thankfully became pregnant again… shortly after… and then I got to be with her… Loss of an unborn child is pretty much the same as the loss of someone… you experience all “stages of loss and grief”… (look that up). Maybe send her some info too. Let her know you understand her excitement, but she needs to take some time to understand your pain, too… Best wishes!! 
She’s insensitive and being a jerk. Tell her your mourning doesn’t just end because she wants it to and cut ties with her. That is not a friend you need in your life.
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You are grieving. Take all the time you need xx
Not a true friend. She would never expect that of you. To tell you to “move on” is a horrible thing to say. Hopefully her pregnancy is a healthy and successful one. Karma can be devastating. Big hugs to you. I had five miscarriages before being blessed with a baby girl.
Ask her how she’d feel if she lost her baby, or anyone close to her. Remind her that you are grieving, and having her pregnancy in your face just makes you feel worse. Ask her if she’d help you come up with a memorial for your angel baby.
If that doesn’t make her re-think her request, tell her you need to take a break from her until you finish processing your loss. You will always grieve, but this is so fresh. If after not being with her a while you are able to reconnect, great. If not, make new friends.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
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You do YOU in this scenario you have been through alot. Im sorry hugs to you
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It sounds to me like you’re both resenting each other for your own reasons regarding pregnancy. I suggest you be open and honest with her about how you’re feeling and hopefully she does the same. In saying that I don’t agree with her telling you to move on
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MOVE ON… what a bitch, thats so insensitive i think you need to tell her how you feel including her nasty advice to get over it
Sending you hugs x
What a frRking BitCh… Straight Up… it’s actually DISRESPECTFUL, tO You Your Angel Baby & Your friendship… ‘Get Over It’ Na I’d be telling her tO help herself with Her baby shOwer…
It’s alil insensitive of her tO think You would want tO do it after Your lOss- And even if You did, that’s YOUR decisiOn… Not to hAve some snOoty lil bitCh Expecting You tO fOrget You are gOing thrOugh a traumatic tiMe just to satisfy her wants & needs…
Because she ‘needs You’…
Well Darling Girl- You need YOU mOre, & right nOw it sOunds like nOw is the tiMe You need YOU the mOst… FrRk her & her needs… #SorryNotSOrry*
You need to cut her off without explaining yourself because if she was in your shoes she wouldn’t want to be around someone like that either. Losing a child is not something you ever get over especially not for someone else. You’re grieving the loss of a child and shouldn’t be expected to be planning an entire party for someone else’s, her parents should be the ones doing that if she doesn’t have another friend who would do it. She is not a friend to you, she’s being extremely selfish & expect your hurt to stop for her. This person is not your long time friend
Your friend is a jerk. Period. I’ve had 7 losses and 8 live births. I’m still not over the loss of my daughter Dylan from 2019. I’ve had two other children since losing her. You don’t just simply just get over it. And your friend is a jerk for even thinking that, but the fact that she SAID IT TO YOU shows she is not a friend. She is a selfish jerk. There is zero reason for her to talk to you like that. You lost your child. She is lucky enough to still have hers. She needs to be thoughtful of you and what you’re going thru right now. That’s not a friend. Cut her out of your life completely.
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She’s not your friend!
When I fell pregnant with my son I was very much aware that all the closest females in my life (cousin, best friends etc) had not yet had children nor seemed to of ever fallen pregnant. I had lost twins many years before, to stillbirth and felt like I absolutely deserved my little boy but I was also aware of their feelings and even though they were never verbally spoken, that feeling in your tummy of knowing you have what they are dreaming of does hurt. You are so happy for yourself, but you are also cautious of their feelings. It doesn’t seem like your friend is all that understanding, how can you be around her when she is not understanding of your feelings? It does not make you jealous, nor bitter for not wanting to be around it. You are human and protecting your heart from further damage. Take all the time you need, if she can not understand your reasons for doing so then maybe you should cut ties. I am sorry you lost your baby, sending love xxx
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I’ve been in a similar situation and I done the baby shower and I can honestly say it was one of the hardest days I’ve had to get through.
You need time to grieve and to get your self together again.
I would just say I’m sorry but this situation is to hard for me to handle at the moment I hope you have a nice day but I’m going to give it a miss. If she gets upset or cross with you then she is better off out your life because that’s not being a good Friend that’s being selfish.
I am sorry for your loss I know how you feel has I’ve also had 2 my self xx
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Bro no, your ‘friend’ is a dick! What your going threw their are no words for. She not only as your friend but as a woman should be empathetic to your pain. Honestly sweety, you need to either speak with her about the way she’s treating you or let her go. She says she needs you and fair enough but there is no comparison what you’re going threw requires understanding. It’s shocking that she would even dare say get over it. That is a clear sign. You deserve a better friend!
Also I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending all the love I can woman to woman.
How insensitive of her. Just be honest, explain that whilst you are happy for her, you are currently grieving and are not emotionally ready to be part of the planning. That you will attend however. She is allowed to be disappointed or even upset about it. But not take that out on you. I would revisit giving her the title of “best friend” if she continues to be so self centred.
Just to add, I fell pregnant the same time as a good friend. Hers was a result of IVF, a much desired baby and she unfortunately miscarried. I was so worried about “flaunting” my pregnancy and took a step back, when actually she needed me most. Communication is key. We spoke about it. And ultimately we moved at her pace. She was the one grieving, I know she found my pregnancy hard. I had to be mindful of her emotions. For example she wasn’t my go to to, complain about all my aches and pains and I certainly wouldn’t have expected her to throw me a baby shower. Sorry you are having a difficult time.
I think she should have enough respect to not even think to say that to you, for one!! And for two, how does she really think you should feel helping her plan a baby shower when you jus miscarried your baby… Thats awful to expect that from you… I understand that youre her best friend but i dont think my best friend would do that to me. Doesnt seem like much of a friend at all. Youve barley had time to grieve your loss…let alone plan a baby shower for someone else so soon. I dont think i could do it. Esp emotionally. Its crazy she doesnt think about that. Im so sorry youre going thru this girl. And esp sorry for your loss
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Wow… pretty insensitive of her… I get she wants her best friend right by her side thro one of the most important things in her life… but u have just gone through such a heart wrenching trauma… she should be thinking of you too… if u don’t feel like u can do this and its too soon… please be honest with her… if she is any kind of friend she would understand and support you … sorry for your loss… x
She is not your friend honey…
I tell you what! Some friend she is; really insensitive! You’ve lost a baby, does she not realise that you’re grieving? Some time apart from her will hopefully make her realise what she should. If she doesn’t, she doesn’t deserve your friendship. Make new friends. You deserve better.
Do exactly that…“move on” from your friend. She is self absorbed.