I know its sad to say but I’m afraid I’m starting to resent my daughter. I know that sounds really awful and mean of me as my mom but me and my husband are at our wits end with her. She is 9 years old, she lies, steals, talks back, is mean, refuses to do school work so she is failing classes, she hits us. She goes to school telling them stories that we are mean and abuse her. I have tried everything to make these behaviors stop… I’ve tried time outs, taking things from her to where she literally only has clothes and her bed in her room, I’ve tried positive reinforcement such as earning things back, earning things she enjoys doing like going out to eat, or earn a new toy. Nothing works! My family don’t think that she gives us that much issues because she acts like an angel around them and they tell me that me and my husband are being dramatic. That IS NOT THE CASE! I’ve took her to therapy, psychologist, her doctor and they say they can’t find anything wrong or any such thing because she hides it so well! It has gotten to the point that I hate when 4 comes around or the weekends because I know she will be home. It’s literally a fight from the time she gets off the bus til when I fight with her to go to bed to do anything such as homework, bathe, literally anything. It’s making me feel like a bad mom, I feel worthless, hopeless, and have severe anxiety and depression… I don’t know if I’m asking this to be posted because I’m venting but I know I need help and I don’t know what to do…
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am starting to resent my daughter...what do I do?
Maybe record some of the issues to show to the pediatrician/therapist?
Call Dr Laura and ask for feedback
I would take her to a neurologist maybe there is a chemical imbalance of some sort. Sorry mommy I hope you can get to the bottom of the cause
Behavioral Counseling
You need to do something NOW. Trust me on this😣
Try again. She needs behavioral therapy
Record her without her knowing and show it to a doctor
Councillor from the school maybe and document everything to show them
There could be a biological issue behind her behaviors.
Give her to someone who wants to be a parent
I would look into counseling.
I’m not gonna offer my advice, I’m just reading everyone else’s.
I had the same issues with my daughter however she never hit us n I would win every argument. We took her to doctors nobody ever saw a issue. We started setting up cameras or using our phones to record. Sometimes her knowing she was being recorded would stop her behavior.
Try a new psychiatrist. She sounds like she had DMDD or ODD both of which my 11 year old daughter have.
We have her on 3 meds and it gives us some relief along with counseling
You need connect with her before you discipline. Validate her feelings and work on them with her not against her
Behavioural therapy! There is an underlying issue for sure.
Behaviour is communication
Video tape her behavior and show it to her doctor
Record, use home cameras “Ring”
Get a different doctor. Kids don’t just act out like this for no reason.
You’re an adult. She is 9. What you project on yourself is a you thing. Maybe, establish a relationship LONG running with a counselor she likes for her. And you get your own and work on yourself.
Sadly I feel this way to much but with my son who is 17 now 
it’s horrible
She is testing what she can get away with and knows what sets you off. Don’t let a 9 year old run ya. I would say no tablet until responsibilities get done first
All girls home they will teach her respect. My parents did that with my sister
Video her doing these things,
She needs help, professional help.
Give her to a family member that will love her
I would take her to another doctor. She sounds like she has Borderline personality
without knowing the full story I would say this seems like a connection issue and that the behaviors are essentially a relational issue. I would try family therapy
Hi! So my son is freshly 10. We had this exact problem. He would mask in front of others. Have you ever heard of DMDD? Your daughter sounds a lot like my son. Feel free to message me. We started with a psychiatrist appointment where we showed him videos we had taken the prior month and then did an inpatient stay so that he could not mask. Then he got the diagnosis and medication and therapeutic intervention.
It normally starts out by not disciplining her as a small child. Maybe it’s not to late.
I would definitely take videos of the way she’s acting, that way she can’t fool the next doctor you take her to.
I’m telling you. The number ONE thing that helps my kid is the therapy I do for myself. I know so much about what I cause him to feel/ what things my behavior can cause in reaction, etc etc
We started eliminating red dye 40 from our sons diet and have seen crazy improvements like he’s a totally different kid. May be worth looking into. Goodluck
Wear that ass out‼️ open hand on the butt is not abuse by law…
All girls home or military school should set her straight.
Put her ass in juvie for a couple weeks
You should have busted her ass when she was younger and been the parents.
Is your husband her bio father? And if not, when did your husband come into the picture?
Go to a different Dr. It took us 4 psychologist’s to listen to us.
Start recording her all day…
The way she’s acting tells me she’s missing something she needs. The parent needs to figure that out. Kids will act horrible if they aren’t getting enough attention because the negative attention typically given to negative behavior, is better than a lack of attention, in their eyes. Positive reinforcement isn’t enough when it goes away quickly. Sounds like she needs a lot of quality time or she’s crying out for help for another reason.
If possible try to catch the behavior on video. She can’t lie if there’s a video of it
This is so sad to know. 
If i where in your shoe,Probably feel the same way.
Feel so hopeless.
Salute to you,mom. You still carry on even if its at your end. Pls,keep praying and may God help you to find solution in your daughter’s case.
Virtual hug 
Have you sat and had a serious conversation with her and asked her why she is the way she is with you 2? Maybe there is something she’s holding onto? This is not normal 9 year old behavior. I would take her to lunch or a walk and just heart to heart zee if she is holding onto something she doesn’t know how to express and this is how she can. Positive vibes to you.
Sounds like ADHD and ODD both of my kids are medicated and it has made a huge difference but yes my 9 year was doing the same things I’m not looking forward to summer at all
Record her so that you have proof
Record these episodes she hides.
Get cameras in the house and tell NO ONE. Do this secretly. Every room, corner, see what’s really going on…there may be more behind this behavior. If this doesn’t work by showing these videos to doctors or even finding some truth out that’s being hidden etc, then try a week stay in a local foster home maybe, or a boot camp type school to make her understand how good she has it.
Have you had a conversation with her and asked her why she acts that way and expressed why it’s not okay? Maybe she has some hard feelings going on inside her that she doesn’t know how to express otherwise. Sounds like she is definitely wanting attention, even if it’s negative.
Could be hormones she may be an early starter mine was 9 and it was like walking on hot coal, egg shells and broken glass all at once. I got showered in glass once as I took her phone away for the way she spoke to me
My heart feels for you
And your husband. Hoping for a breakthrough
for your daughter.
Set up Nanny Cams. Record everything. Bring it to a doc. She likely has a personality disorder. I know it’s hard, but try not to blame her. Mental illness isn’t anyone’s fault. You wouldn’t resent her if she had diabetes, or a heart condition. Mental illness is no different. But you need a break from this. Over the summer, see if the family can take her for a week or two. That will give you the break you need, and it will give the family a view of what she is actually like. Someone with a personality disorder can hide it for a few hours, even a few days. They cannot hide it forever.
Jsyk having her earn back the things you took from her isn’t positive reinforcement
A child doesn’t absolutely despise their parents for no reason. I don’t think we are getting the full story. She is telling people you abuse her. There’s a reason 
now you hate having her home and dread her presence. That’s not good.
The resentment is probably mutual. Kids at this age push back because they are finding themselves. Offer her a safe space with forgiveness. They say be a parent and not a friend but I think there needs to be a healthy balance between both. She’s a little person who’s mind is growing and her behaviors are also learned behaviors. My mom took everything out of my room as punishment and all it did was make me feel less safe/secure and it built resentment which made her less patient with me. Break the cycle.
You need to keep a record of incidents (date, time, etc) and record (audio/video) situations/behaviors for psychiatrist. I wouldn’t let her know you are doing it, to be safe. It definitely sounds like something mental is going on with her. Also, you may want to find a Psychiatrist that works specifically with children.
Sounds like she may have ODD (oppositional defiance disorder). My son has this and it’s gotten so much better! He is 13. She needs professional help and behavioral therapy.
Discuss with family taking her in for a few months.
I’m sorry but sometimes problematic children need an old fashion… Or take her to a child phycologist to see what’s bothering her. Either way put on your big girl drawers and handle her before it’s too late!
Record everything
I’m sorry momma I do hope it gets better
Get in touch with Dr Phil McGraw he helps with Kids like this!!
Tough love. Child needs punishment and a counselor. Your the parent she can’t refuse to go
Set up nanny cams and record her behavior.
Have you tried not making her do things and just loving her and paying attention to her and not acting like something’s wrong with her? How do the other people treat her that she acts in a polite calm manner toward? Maybe model what they do?
Put cameras in the house so you have the recordings if everything
You should set up a video and hidden camera to catch her in the act.
My grandmother gave me the best advice when my son acted out constantly.She said he needs conquered young or the world will do it for you when he’s older.CUT A GREEN HICKORY ABOUT A FOOT AND A HALF LONG,SMALL BUT IT WORKS,TRUST ME,STRIPE HER ANKLES EVERY TIME SHE ACTS UP.STICK TOO IT…A FEW TIMES WITH THIS AN I HAVE THE BEST ADHD CHILD EVER…
She sounds like she has a sociopathic disorder or DMDD.
So, film her behavior. Every single time.
Start back with a regular shrink & show them the videos. Make sure you say that date/time on each. Keep a journal.
She may need a specialty shrink eventually.
Even if you think consequences don’t work, use them. Every time. Do not stop. She has to understand it’s not acceptable.
It’s a process but her future is worth it. 
Oddly, enough, look into diet & psychopathy. There’s amaxing studies regarding diet & disorders in children. Especially involving gluten.
Is she aware that her lies about you mistreating her will possibly land her in care? Or is that something she wants something needs doing before it’s too late maybe see a professional and be honest with them about it all I’ve no advise really sounds like it’s the only option here before she does permanent damage to anyone or herself wish you all the best tho 
sounds like a nightmare
God bless you Mama, you are not a failure! I would record her acting out so you can show it to the doctors.
I would go to her and ask her if this is the way she wants to grow up. Explain that you are doing your best and you want her to be happy and that there are many ways she could be growing up. Help her see that you want a good relationship and ask her if she does, too. Tell her a good relationship needs work from every person. Express that desire for a good relationship. Write it out first, pros and cons, first to last. Make it simple and eye opening for EVERYONE
Girls are EXTREMELY hard on their moms mostly. Good Luck XXXOOO 
Video or record her and show the therapist or her primary care dr. But don’t let her know that ur doing it either.
Try secretly recording her behavior and take that along with your child to a counselor who specializes in child behavior. Her behavior could put her in serious danger. Good luck
You may want to try to find a counselor who relates to her and that’s her likes. A place that specializes in this type of behavior and give it time. It does take time to find a good counselor that relates. I would tell her that she is going to have a counselor so whatwould she like: a woman? Or a manhandled maybe give a couple other options s so she feels she is picking them. Then, after a bit if she’s still not responding there’s always boarding school for a semester. Also, does she have adhd or any other conditions maybe? Does she act OCD, or ODD? Sounds like she needs some help.
Set up cameras in the house and go back to the Dr’s and psyc
Hmmmmmm. She certainly DID NOT wake up one morning with that behavior right?. You allowed that nasty behavior to grow over the years by lack of discipline, now it’s reached this point. 9 years old and can’t be controlled??
who is the parent and who is the child?
What you need is a scared straight program
I would take her to see a psychologist. There are some seriously harsh comments on here. Just like wow y’all chill.
There has to be, a underlying reason for this behavior… I worked with kids with behavioral issues… Therapy is definitely needed… Id keep a journal, and a video journal… Maybe bipolar… Meds would probably help… Accountability and consistency is the key. It is not acceptable for her to act like this… I’d take tv, tablets, and set boundaries… When she acts up, try not to react, take a breath, and set up your expectations… Good luck
Put her in a correctional school or military academy for troubled kids:bangbang: Beat her assmenoquestions:bangbang:The Bible says you will not hurt a child by using a rod on them, when you don’t spank them when they’re little an attend their behavior this is what happens:bangbang:
Just my opinion but I am the adult in this house … spankings and being grounded didn’t hurt me as a child and mine gets the same. She’s 11 and if she needs that rear end fired up … that’s what she gets
She’s seeking connection. Try to reconnect with her. It seems these behaviours have pushed you two apart and caused resentment. Children will seek connection in bad ways if they can’t get it in good ways.
Sometimes no reaction is the best reaction. I know it can be hard, sometimes it’s best to let her do her thing and then when she is done calmly sit her down and ask her what she needs/wants from you and your husband. She is too Old and knows better than to be hitting people. If you spank her I’d stop and try a new approach, spanking isn’t working. She may not want to do her homework because she doesn’t understand it, and is struggling. She may feel defeated as it is.
Pray over her, Satan attacks our children but you as a mom can pray the blood of Jesus over your daughter. She doesn’t have to know, just do it and believe. DM me if you need help 
I acted the same way as a teenager and all I wanted was to spend time with my mom. Just me and her. Maybe plan a special day once a week where it’s just the 2 of you to do something special. Mommy daughter time. That might be all she needs. If you have that energy towards her she will have the energy towards you
I think as a mother you should go to therapy, how can you send your child to get help and you won’t go yourself to understand?
Record it so you can show her therapist & for your protection. They can’t help what they can’t see so give them a visual & hopefully they can begin to help you decipher what the problem is
I’d definitely film her so you have proof. My daughter never talked bad about me, she used to hit and kick when she was younger. I have her in therapy now. She still lies, and her attitude is 100% awful, people tell me it’s just her age but i know in my heart there is more to it. It’s so hard to even find the right psychologist. Maybe even try therapy for yourself, let me tell you it does wonders:blue_heart: sending prayers for you. 
Send her to an all girls home or somewhere for a while so she sees how loved and lucky she is at home and how better she has it, seek behavior therapy and for the love of Hera record her pulling these things. Also I know it’s so taboo and people think it’s abuse or whatever but maybe try busting that ass a time or two as well. You’re doing her no favors by gentle parenting and showing her she is above you in the household. Good luck
You need to find her the right therapist, psychiatrist, etc. and she may even need medicine. But I would also suggest you and your husband going to therapy as well.
My autistic brother is the same with completely out of control actions and behaviours at home, yet can act completely normal outside of the home. He also claims he’s hard done by, or thinks everyone’s against him… when In reality he’s just finished screaming at someone and has been told to go away 
And same way, nobody would understand unless they’ve lived in your house and seen the commotion. Maybe it a good idea to talk to a psychologist
It sounds like she is resenting y’all as well. Has anything happened in her childhood that could make her feel like she is in an unsafe place? Or maybe not enough attention? Or too much of the wrong attention?
Not accusing but I worked with adult mom’s whose children acted out like this bc of something she did when they were younger and they never forgave her for it. Not saying that’s your case either. It just reminded me of that particular case.
I had this with my 9 year old. It was awful. It took a good year of tough live but I’ve had a breakthrough and seems to be so so much better now and I done all you did. It took lots of deep conversations between us both lots of tears screaming crying etc is her dad in the picture or is husband dad? X
She is rebelling for a reason at that age… find out why???
I’d try a different psychologist and a family therapist for the entire family.
Record hee n get in with a child psychologist n get yourself into therapy hun I would even try to get home base or mobile therapy for her so they can see how she is she may act like a angel in the beginning but once she’s use to them coming her true colors will shine
If it was me I’d install cameras that are disguised and record her behavior. Then you can prove that she’s acting this way.