I am starting to resent my parents: Advice?

Is it bad that I resent my parents? So a little story, we have ten grandchildren in our family, and I feel like my kids are ALWAYS forgotten. They take a couple of the grandkids to so many places. It used to be because my kid was “too young,” but she’s one year behind one of the kids that’s got to go every single time. My parents know how I feel, and they keep saying they need to take turns, but she’s almost six years old and has gone somewhere with them one time. When the other kids go somewhere at least once a week. I just don’t understand how they can just overlook my kids; my siblings don’t understand how I feel because at least 1 of their kids is always going. I hate being so upset about something that I have no control over.

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It’s called being the black sheep(Iean you) and they’re taking it out on your kids and that’s unacceptable

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am starting to resent my parents: Advice?

I cut family off for doing that to my kids. It’s not fair to them and I refuse to accept that my kids aren’t as important as the others!

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Just let it go. My inlaws used to do this with my kids. Only wanted my eldest. I would force them to take my middle one also. But then I got tired of fighting it and said no altogether or just let them take the one they wanted while we took my younger two out for something special. Eventually, the kids figure things out for themselves or will ask questions, and you let the grandparents explain why. Just keep doing your own thing and stop comparing to your siblings, you’re only going to hurt yourself and your kids

If my parents where doing that they wouldn’t be seeing my kids till they where treated equally as eventually your kids will understand

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Protect your child. Keep them from certain family members who don’t treat them equally. Until every one respects and treats your child equally, no contact. The child isn’t missing what she doesn’t know and she needs to be protected from favoritism and the self esteem issues it causes.

They’re toxic. Cut them off.

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My kids have always been the forgotten ones because we always “live so far away” I no longer make it a priority to go to them. They don’t come to me so why bother

That’s horrible but I go thru the same thing. My mother is not a good or grandmother at all. When she does talk or do anything or act like a grandma is only my sisters kids or her 1 son only. My sister has 4 kids I have 5 kids. Mine were born first.het kids can coming come over and do whatever but my son can’t or if he is here with them and something happens its always my kids fault and he gets yelled at. I gave up a long time ago.

I’ll never understand how grandparents can do this. It’s definitely not right, and fair. Don’t bother with them anymore, till they show genuine interest.

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Sit youe parents down & let your children tell them how left out they feel. Give them the guilt trip.

Not trying to be mean, but maybe your kid doesn’t act right around them so they prefer to spend time with the other grandkids

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I just look at it this way, if they choose not to have anything to do with my kids I can’t expect my kids to care for them. It’s been done to my kids many times.

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I’ve dealt with this for 15 years with my kids. Its heart breaking. My kids have started noticing it and have asked questions.

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Sadly my grandma kind of did this to me and my mom. We live in a different state that her and all her grandkids. It seemed like everytime we called she had a story about taking my cousins somewhere. We once went out there for a week and excepted to be spoiled the whole time we were there. My mom is my grandma’s only daughter. We only went to second hand stores or the dollar store to go shopping. And didn’t really eat out. I was hurt for a bit but after awhile its whatever. I got to spend time with her.

I’ll cut them off immediately, There’s no point on pushing your kids to people that doesn’t want them around. It’s not a bad thing to cut off toxic people even if they’re your own blood.Your family should come 1st, so for your, and your kid’s mental health, I would definitely back off. If they start asking why you don’t call anymore and give you the guilt trip, tell them communication works both ways.

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I dont want to be that person but I’m going to be honest. When I was younger one of the cousins was babied by their parents. When the grandparents would take the grandkids out that cousin would always act up, cause problems and ruin the day for everyone else. When theyd get home to their parents theyd complain that theyd been treated differently than the other kids. Eventually the grandparents didnt want to take that grandchild. I’d be upfront and ask if this may be the issue.

Favoritism. All grandparents shows it without even noticing they doing it. She don’t sweat them taking you babies anywhere. You take them. That will have a child feeling left out and they will notice that grandma likes such and such more than them. (Speaking from experience) You can’t control it so just don’t let it bother you. I’ve been there

I have been thru this as a child and all I can say is dont force the relationship, if they choose not to spend time with your child then let it be, you focus on what you can control let them figure out what they are missing out on when they do decide to try and take her out and she says no ty

My son’s grandfather from Dad’s side does that so I cut him off he doesn’t see my son anymore I’m not playing games with my kids you will not hurt their feelings

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My mil was like that with my kids…

I cut my kids out of my boys dads moms life bc she refused to take my oldest son and only my youngest son

My two kids are my parents only grandchildren. And the only grandchildren they’ll ever have because my brother doesn’t want kids and yet they NEVER call to see them or text to ask how they’re doing. I just had a baby 6 months ago and my husbands family that lives in a whole different state has seen him more than my parents who live in the same city as me. I’ve just come to accept it and I’ve stopped trying.

If you don’t want to be apart of my kids life then you don’t need to be apart of mine.

Are your child(ren) bad… do u make attempts to have your child involved… (like can the schedules be a conflict) do your rules differ from theirs, are there any developmental delays that may require you child needing extra attention… how about the distance between y’all travel wise, do u offer assistance if/when needed or just because… etc…

“I’M JUST ASKING”

My mom have over 20 grands but only see about maybe 8 of them more than five times a year and goes out with one often. And the others just major holidays…

Now that I’m older and have more than one child, I see things from both sides.

I pray things get better :purple_heart:

Just saying not all grandkids are well behaved or like showing there grandparents respect this what Iam dealing with my granddaughter trying to hit me she 15 and following her mother direction so I’ve decided not to associate with her no longer and I’m not so bad about it

It’s so very wrong no matter how you look at it, I went through this myself and I brought it up to them and they bitched and yelled at me so I disowned them with no regrets

Girl been there done that so you take your kids on your own make them happy you and yours

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Been dealing with the same especially on my husbands side of the family. Needless to say certain people have been cut off and not allowed around my children at all (including the ones I have with my husband).

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I feel you❤
We actually cut my kids grandparents out of our kids life for doing this exact shit.

Wtf ?? Why don’t u join a support group?

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If this has already been addressed then cut them off. My mom is such a toxic person but I kept trying to make it work with her. Once I saw how different she treated my kids I cut her off. I don’t play when it comes to my kids. I dont care if we are blood.

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My mom’s family did that to us so much. I don’t talk to any of them and neither does my older sister. Just a giant toxic family and I’m glad now that I was excluded, it kept me from being involved in their toxic bs. Nothing I could do to change it, it affected my mom and my older sister more than it did me.

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My 2 brothers & myself are adopted so we were treated differently as well. It really sucked to see my cousins get so many gifts n I might get a card n a $5 bill…maybe.

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As a grandparent I couldn’t understand not taking all my grandkids. I have 7 total but 4 are grown now. I always made it a point to take them places either one at a time or just the girls then the Boys. I live pretty far from my youngest grandbabies who just turned one! I’d give anything to take her for a day!!

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Cut them off before it does damage to your children :100:

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It’s not fair on the poor kids to be treated like that, they should have a time table of when they’re going to go out and write down who they’re taking so then they can hopefully see themselves that your kids are missing out.
My mum has always said since becoming a grandmother “what’s good for 1 is good for all” and she makes sure that all the grandchildren are treated equally

Yep! I understand this completely.

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My husband mom has done this for years done everything with her 8 other grandkids but when lt comes to our kids they r left out… I suppose its more that they aren’t given the option then intentionally left out. Their big family trip this is the first my oldest 4 has really got to spend time with her grandma shes always too busy with the others

Yup I grew up the same way, my grandma chose my sister over me and my brother. I would always cry about it to my mom. But as I’m older and know what favoritism feels like, I suggest you knock those idiots out of your life. If it hurt me it’ll hurt your kid.

Happens in most families just live your life with your little family its not worth the stress because your family don’t care they will always deny it sad but sorry just look after your child

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Hey Tonya. Dont feel bad. Not that they would. But if one of mine tried to hit me. They would not do it again.

Take your kid places and forget your parents.

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straight up ask them silly

You and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers even if you don’t hear from me all the time. About your parents what can I say, it’s the Trenkler family. Love to you all.

It’s hard to being in that situation but your kids doesn’t need to beg or you for attention, love and time just saying…

Distance works well… you will find that you’ll have more inner peace.

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Y’all better stop showing favoritism in these children and grandchildren! That one you love so good gonna break your heart and the one u ain’t stuttn will be the only one who cares​:bangbang::frowning_woman:t5:Yeah I said it​:bangbang:Now bye​:bangbang:

Maybe last year when took the 6 year old they realized it was too hard so now a year later they don’t want to take your 6 year old. Maybe it’s because even tho your child is getting older, so are your parents and they can’t handle a 6 year old. Or maybe they think your kid is a brat. Maybe they think you’ll be a pain in the ass if your kid goes. But if you don’t ask them, you’ll never know.

My mom was constantly talking about my brother’s kids and she saved all my brothers things and gave them to him when his son was born and it was all about him and his step daughters and I had my last baby back in February which was my first girl and nothing but I cut her off for different reason

This all sound too familiar… Great advise from everyone. Cut them off, in so doing you will be protecting ur children from a whole lot of emotional Trauma… Family can be mean and intentionally so too. Plus, learn to not care abt it so much so u don’t walk around with that energy…

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You need to ask them first. Most probably, problem is with you, your spouse or your kids. Why they would be partial with you.

Drop this casually." Too bad my kids wont remember you after your gone"…leave it at that and stand back and see what transpires…if nothing changes…YOU take your kids every week and give them memories they will tell their kids…BETTER MEMORIES OF YOU THEN GANDPARENTS THEY WONT EVEN REMEMBER.

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My children would never go stop making a issue about it, since nothing has changed when you brought it up to your parents. (Unless your always a problem of some sort.) But if your not the problem keep them with you at all times safer anyways. Goodluck my dear chin up :heart:

First of all ask yourself do my kids listen, do my kids mind, do they stay together or run in different directions, do they scream to get what they want??? Do they know the word NO??? Do they stay out of stuff when told no or do they constantly keep getting into it??? Do they deliberately throw food on the floor when they are done and then walk or play in it ??? Not all grandparents want to have to deal with this on their own. They may be older and don’t have the stamina to run and chase kids that don’t or won’t mind. If these questions don’t apply ask the parents why. Good luck.

My heart goes out to u and ur kids…it’s so not fair

Have you asked them why? Maybe they feel your kid isn’t as well behaved as the other kids. Sometimes family does have favorites and sometimes it’s something else.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am starting to resent my parents: Advice?

Be upset because I promise your kids notice. My grandparents did this with us and the fact that my parents had our backs with how we felt was huge.

Accept it and move on. The kids will see how the grandparents are when they are older.

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It’s wrong and I would be upset too.

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That’s sad and I don’t understand how people have favorites when it comes to kids or grandkids.

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Girllll…your children don’t need anybody’s attention but yours! They are the ones that are missing out on your kids!
You can’t force your kids on anyone! Their loss!

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That happened to me to so I stopped talking to my mother until she understood my kids were just as important as the rest… took her a year to get but she did

I’d be upset too. Once they are older they will realize how they are treated. They will resent them too.

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I’d be upset also this has happened to my child and I removed her from them. How does your kid act also. If your child is well-behaved remove you and your child from that toxic abuse!

At least your parents still talk to you. My dad dropped me when I got pregnant with my first and told me to put him up for adoption.

I had a mother in law that favored her favorite daughters girl. She overlooked her other grandchildren. Especially my sons who was her only grandson. So My sons grew up not knowing her. I figured it was her loss

i had the same situation with my inlaws too. I think it is unfair my son is not being treated well like the other grandchild but i got over it by concentrating on my own son’s well being and taught him that a few people may not like you but there are more people that sincerely loves you and you focus on them. You dont need to chase love and approval or you will only get abused. Years later the golden child my inlaws adores so much is now their problem. I am so glad i took away my son from their drama from day 1 i saw that he is treated unfairly.

Very sad but they are missing out on so much are the other kids from split parent’s ? They may think they are more needed there than with yours . Let them know how you feel. If nothing changes then you’ve done all you can xx

I’m in the same boat!! It sucks but you gotta just dust it off because there isn’t anything that will change it… no matter how much you voice you opinion, nothing will change unfortunately

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Sounds like my parents and my kids. Eventually you just accept it and know you are doing the best for your child that you can! Your child will understand one day.

My 3 kids are in the same boat with certain grandparents. It bothered me alot at first then I finally let it go because my kids will know who’s there for them and who isn’t

Girl same here. My parents never see my kids they haven’t in over two years. But yet will see the other grandkids and acknowledge them but mine are non existent in their eyes. They even kicked us out of family holidays. It’s easy to say their loss but I know first hand it’s not easy. I have voiced my opinion several times and it gets me no where and my siblings don’t get it either. Once you hit the screw them mindset it will get better I promise.

You take your kids places and make memories, when the kids are bit older they will see it by than your parents will want to see them and u can say…yeah no thanks, we r used to not having u around. Don’t beat yourself over this, its their loss anyways

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Well this one is tricky for me because being a grandparent is the best thing in the world for me!!! I absolutely love my grand babies with all I am but I know a few who love their grand babies like crazy but they have trouble spending time with them due to the way the kids act. The parenting style is very different and the kids are seriously bad!! Act out like crazy so who wants to deal with that? But I also know that when my kids were small their grand parents would do everything for the other grand kids and mine was a after thought! I remember many times my kids would ask my why and I always told them ( we have each other we don’t need anyone else)

Maybe you need to talk to your parents and tell them how you feel. Maybe they have a reason and are worried about telling you?

As a grandparent myself , i tend to spend more time with 1 particular grandchild -BUT that is because of distance .
I do make the effort to spend what time i can with the others .
IF they all lived close , i would definitely be sharing my time with them .

I see a lot of people quick to jump down grandmas throat, but I’m just curious how much effort YOU put into it? Because if you talked to my siblings they would probably say the same thing about me and my kids being my moms favorite, but that’s not true, I just put way more effort into mine and my kids’ relationship with her. I ask her to go with us to the snow or the beach or fishing or whatever. I also don’t expect her to just take my kids places… We go together. Obviously it could be that your parents are playing favorites, but it may not be as clear cut as that.

My grandparents did this to me and my siblings . My siblings were much younger than I and my mom tried “letting them see for themselves” but then would get hurt they aren’t treated the same… so she cut them off . This was about 8 years ago my siblings are 13 and 14 and say that was the best decision. Every situation is different but don’t be afraid to cut off family if you have to.

I had this happen to me. My maternal grandmother was jealous of females, she even left my mother (her daughter) out of things. Out of 9 grandkids my cousin and I were the only girls. Debbie and I were ignored and even at Christmas given small cheap gifts, when the boys got what ever they asked for. When grandma passed Grandpa over compensated for the way she treated us. He taught me to crochet, gave me expensive family antiques, and had to have me and my parents over every Sunday for supper. Debbie kept her mouth shut about what she felt and now she has passed, but me on the other hand, I told my aunts and uncles about the way grandma treated me and ways she had put me down. By the time I was done, my uncles were apologizing and my aunts were crying. So hang in there, everything comes to light in the end.

I get it, been there. but at this point all you can really do is find peace with it & move on, unless you want to continue to be hurt by it… don’t allow toxic people, family or not, to disturb your & your children’s inner peace.

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I would just plain tell your parents if this is they way you wanna be your kids will grow to resent them, and they have nadasity to treat them the way they are what’s the matter with them??? They treat them all equally or not at.all. If it doesn’t sink in move on not worth it.

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Sounds like preferential treatment to me, I understand your resentment. I never had grandparents, so I can’t say I missed anything. Things are so different now and children expect so much more from parents, and grandparents unfortunately that’s just the way it is now a days

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I would ask is your,child well behaved. If hey aren’t taking the child that could be the reason.

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Heres the deal… You care more than the child… I have two kids who are now 18 and 21… Their grandma and she is the only grandparent they have, her husband died when my oldest was a infant and my parents are deceased… But this grandma always took her other 4 grandkids who was her daughters kids to the zoo, games, camping etc several times a month… For years… My kids were hardly if ever invited to anything… But guess what they could care less and still dont… They just accept it and take what time they do get… Just like at Christmas… The other grandkids get huge expensive gifts… While mine got a outfit or book… Now they just choose to say thank you and leave quickly… Kids are resilient and really only care cause the parent made a big deal about it… I was like in the end kids grow up and decide for themselves… I never put her down and when they asked questions… Id answer the best and honest way and than distract them with a activity…

I know the feeling and the kids notice it to our told them if that’s what your going to do don’t bother coming over and seeing me or the kids I stopped them seeing them

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Try really talking to them about it. Perhaps they feel your sib’s children are missing out on something your children get from you.

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My dad favors my brother and his kids over me and mine. My kids noticed that their cousins were getting gifts and being taken out all the time while they got nothing. Long story short. My kids don’t like their Grandpa and we don’t go over there anymore.

I do understand you being upset over this, and it would bother me too. I’d try one last time to talk to your parents. Explain how it makes you feel, and tell them that as your daughter gets older, she sees that she is not treated the same as her cousins. This will affect how she feels about them in the future. After trying to appeal to them one last time, then let it go. Do things with your children yourself. In the end, they are missing out on memory making with your child.

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They may have trouble making sure all are safe Car seats and car.And managing the money spent and promises made.

Your parents are being unfair and mean. My in laws had 2 grandchildren and they had a favorite! My son was the first grandchild but they always cared more for the 2nd one. He got better birthday gifts, they spent more on him and his Christmas gifts were always more and more expensive. But my son grew to realize how he was treated and he used to tell people he had one good grandma and grandpa (my parents) and one poopy grandma and grandpa.
You should talk with your parents (again) and express your feelings and then YOU make sure your daughter feels special and when grandma and grandpa call to see her tell them you already have plans…sorry!!!

Please avoid letting your kids see how they are treated differently. They don’t need the insecurity issues. You just be the best parent you can be. I’d forget they exist.

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Same happened to my kids and I was so upset about it my mom got sick and passed and I resent every day I wasn’t with her til she passed because I was upset at her and my dad

It’s a privilege having grandkids which sadly I would never have but all grandkids should be loved equally and have the same quality time it’s terribly sad when this doesn’t happen

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Try doing special things and not invite them , birthday party, movie day ,whatever and tell them about the great time you had and say we didn’t invite you as we know you would rather not be around this child . The guilt trip may work

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How often do you drop by to see your parents? Perhaps your parents are just not that familiar with them. I had a family member who was always asking her mom & she just knew them so much better. Could be a distance issue as well. :face_with_monocle::teddy_bear:🧚‍♀

Talk to your parents about it. They won’t know unless you tell them. If they don’t adjust their behavior after that, it is what it is and you’ll have to adjust your life accordingly

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I’ve always resented my parents, I don’t think resent is the right word. I have 11 siblings and I’ve always been the one left behind. Parent play favorites. If your parents ignored you it will fall all the way down the line.

Don’t be upset that you aren’t included with other ppls plans. Teach your children to be ok with being excluded as well. Spend the time with them instead

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Just start dtopping your kid off more ?