I am struggling to get pregnant: Advice?

Hello. Time is creeping with me as I’m 40 and worried that soon I would be approaching menopause. I’ve had checkups and not currently experiencing any symptoms. I have an eight yo old and an older child but always dreamed of having three children. My other half is not interested in having more children. He’s brilliant with my two kids but doesn’t want any. For the last three years, I have been off contraception but with no luck of pregnancy. I am fertile as I’ve had the checks. This brings me to think maybe because he likes to drink, he might be infertile. He doesn’t know I’m off contraception and doesn’t know I’m trying to get pregnant. I just don’t know what to do. We love each other so much. Do I just finally accept that he can’t have children because of old habits? Maybe I’m not doing something right at 40 to become pregnant. I know he wouldn’t leave if I do become pregnant, but it’s been three years trying, and I’m so worried that I’ll never have another child, especially one with him. Please don’t judge me for not telling him I’m off contraception.

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I wouldn’t try to get pregnant by a man who clearly doesn’t want children that should be a joint decision

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Uhm. You’re letting him think you’re on birth control when you are not. YOU are actively trying to get pregnant knowing he does not want more children. But you love him so much. I’m very much judging you. And to blame HIM for you not getting pregnant. Maybe he was smart and got snipped, lucky for him.

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I was told I was fertile, but then found out I had PCOS. I’m young, but I went on metformin and it helped me get pregnant. It also helped my older sister who is diabetic and has thyroid issues get pregnant.

Most doctors don’t even think of using it as a fertility drug but I’ve heard of many successful stories.

But make sure you are both on the same page about having a child, because it’s stressful even on a good relationship where both parties want the child!

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Your significant other has no interest in having kids so you figure you won’t tell him and have him be suprised?? I would be more interested to know if he had a vasectomy before you or in secret.

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Maybe he got a vasectomy and didn’t tell you

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You are being shady as hell wtf

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Why would you want to have a baby with a man who has made it clear that he doesn’t want one? You say y’all love one another, but you would get pregnant against his wishes?

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I’m sorry, did you just say you were trying to trap your man who clearly told you he didn’t want kids?? This is some
next level sh💩t that gives the rest of us a bad name. lol

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I would like to have another bby as well but I have 3 kiddos from my ex , my boyfriend doesn’t want any right now becos he’s fine with my 3 they call him dad he’s a really amazing step dad but I would never do this to him behind his back it’s definitely a decision both of u have to make not just one person

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Your 40 years old and trying to trick somebody with a pregnancy that they have no interest in - you would want to have a long hard look at yourself !

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1st off. I would not do that to him. If he finds out you have secretly been off bc trying to get pregnant when he DOESN’T want a baby, that is just asking for a fight and possible break up. That is a huge violation of trust. 2nd. He doesnt want a kid. He may have gotten a vasectomy. I don’t think he will be happy if you did get pregnant. 3rd. To be straight, how do you know he wouldn’t leave? Has he expressed saying “i dont want kids but if you get pregnant i wont leave”? This is a horrible idea all around. I think you need to do one of two things. 1. Sit him down and tell him you want q baby qnd genuinely talk with him. Find out why he doesnt want one. Or 2. Tell him you have been trying and risk getting in a fight.
This is a horrible way to get pregnant. The stress of not telling him could easily be a factor. I am not trying to be mean but i think you really need to rethink this and talk to him.

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Broooooooooo that’s toxic as heck. If I was him I would leave so fast. You are not respecting him and his choice.

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This is so wrong I’m sorry but I hope you don’t if he doesn’t want a baby and your secretly trying to get pregnant that’s crazy like why would you even want to have another kid w this man if he don’t want to. Your forcing something he does not want!!!

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You really need to talk to him. It’s not fair of you to not. He deserves to know how you feel, and having a child is something that you both should agree on. You can’t know for sure how he’ll react if you do get pregnant.

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How about you not act like a child and force someone to do something they dont want to do. Way to mock your relationship! No wonder so many men dont trust women🙄

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Okay what you are doing is wrong. He doesn’t want kids why try to trap him. Then when he doesn’t help and doesn’t contribute to the baby you’ll be ready to call him a deadbeat and drag him to court.

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First off I honestly think that tricking a man about conception should be actually criminal. You are taking away his choice and so he will have to provide for the children?
If you do break up if you get pregnant the courts will make him pay which is wrong.
I honestly hope he went and got a vasectomy and thats why you can’t get pregnant because he knows your devious.

And for the actual question. You can harm your fertility by drugs and alcohol. Are there booster to help both of you yes… and I gonna tell you… no… I won’t be part of your f*ed decision to trick him

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I’d file for divorce if someone tried to manipulate me into having a kid I didn’t want. HE DOES NOT WANT ANOTHER CHILD. He made it clear. You are not more important than what he wants.

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I hope he finds out that you’re off contraceptions and trying to get pregnant. If he’s made it clear he doesn’t want any more kids and you’re doing this behind his back, that’s awful!

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You do not love him much if you are deceiving him

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Hope he leaves you, that’s shady.

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Someone did something similar in a post and her husband shows no Interest or love for the unwanted baby. Why would you do that to yourself or your child? Do you want to break up? Idk this is something else.

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Well I hope he got a vasectomy and didn’t tell you because that is the least you deserve for deceiving him … it is not right, you are selfish ,only thinking about your needs!!!

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Wow. He deserves better.

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Wow! Just wow! Your partner told you he doesn’t want kids but you don’t respect his decision and instead you are trying to get pregnant without telling him? That’s really awful to do to someone you say you love. Girl, look for help, you are not right on your mind.

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What you are doing behind his back is so wrong!! He has obviously and it clear he has no interest in having any children yet you’ve taken yourself off contraception and have been keeping it from him! I would be sorting yourself out!

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Reproductive coercion. It’s honestly disturbing that you would do that in the first place, let alone for three years.

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He clearly doesn’t want any more and you don’t care? He prob had the snip :sweat_smile:

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That’s kinda childish and very wrong of you to try get pregnant with someone who clearly doesnt want anymore kids. Accept that you aren’t pregnant and your kids are enough.

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I’m sorry but that is just wrong. You can’t go behind his back like that…

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Please don’t judge you? LOL! You’ve got to be kidding. Did you ever think maybe you’re not getting pregnant because, oh, I dunno… KARMA?? That is beyond WRONG.

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I’m judging you anyway. That’s just wrong

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Tricking someone into getting You pregnant without their consent is WRONG!

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You’re a crazy b*tch
I’d tell him to run

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That’s litterally intrapment and on Par with a man poking holes or not using a condom when that was mutually agreed upon.

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Stop lying to that man! He’s told you flat out that he doesn’t want any more children. With no room for confusion. :woman_facepalming:t2:

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Also…I drank alot and I’m pregnant.

The people in my backyard are alcoholics and drug addics, yet they have like 6 kids?

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  • smh * knowing he doesn’t want another one you take yourself off birth control to try & trick him instead ? Obviously you’re only thinking of yourself & if you do get pregnant I can’t see this ending well.
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Okay so maybe your deceit about being on birth control led to some divine intervention on his behalf and thats why you’re not getting pregnant. That’s some grimey ass shit that’s like a dude pulling off a condom without your permission and not telling you how gross

You are playing with fire girl. You are not a good partner and should be ashamed of yourself. He deserves better.

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Maybe he already had a vasectomy

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Maybe he took a page from your book and had a vasectomy and didn’t tell you :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Wait. He told you he has no interest in having a kid…yeah been there…

Wrong wrong wrong. Do not try to get pregnant if he doesn’t want a baby in the first place.

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My advice: PLEASE SEEK MENTAL HEALTH HELP. Cause that st ain’t right :flushed: what grown a woman is really gonna lie to her partner about being on birth control to trick him into getting you pregnant

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You are simply the worst kind of person.

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This should be illegal.

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You asked, “Do I finally accept he can’t have children because of old habits?” You are putting blame where it doesn’t belong. Accept the fact that he does not want anymore children and at 40 years old, you are still too immature to handle the word NO.

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Girl they judging​:rofl::rofl::rofl:

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Maybe the stress of deception is why it’s not happening. Food for thought

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And this right here is exactly why I encouragement men to get vasectomies in their late teens/ early twenties and not to have them reversed until they are ready to become fathers!

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Sadface. I hope this doesn’t blow up in your face.

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Entrapment, plain and simple. What you are doing is so, so messed up. I hope he finds out before you get pregnant and he leaves. He might love you, but I seriously doubt you love him as much as you say. If you loved him, you wouldn’t have lied to him for 3 years.

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My doctor told me sometimes there is literally no reason it just doesn’t happen

I sometimes believe Everything happens for a reason an maybe this is why ur not getting pregnant!

Hubby an I tried for 11 years after our first daughter. Then there’s a 5 year gap between our 2nd an 3rd. We were off contraception the whole time.
But I wouldn’t lie to my partner if I went off contraception if he didn’t want a child. It’s a joint decision just like if u didn’t want kids he couldnt force u to come off contraception to get u pregnant. It’s not right.

If ur wanting a child then u need to say u have come off contraception an if he leaves. Then find someone that does. But u can’t trap someone into having ur child when u clearly know that don’t want one.

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I’m sorry but I’m afraid you are setting yourself up for ridicule. Having a child is a JOINT decision. Just because a man can’t bare children doesn’t mean they don’t have a say. And keeping him in the dark about not using contraception is just damn right wrong and deceitful, he will find out soon enough and I hope the consequences aren’t too bad for you.

If you regret not having another child, sure that’s a bit sad but you’ll live. If you have this baby and HE regrets the baby for the rest of their life that would be devastating for your child.

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All the judgements. You get all the judgements. Don’t entrap that man. That’s going to bring you nothing but resentment and bad karma.

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KARMA!!! Serves you right to not be able to SECRETLY AND DECEPTIVELY get pregnant with your s/o’s child without his knowledge. I wish he knew what type of person you really are. Why so desperate? Maybe the joke’s on you and he’s had a vasectomy and never told you, especially if he had any idea of your lies. You need a therapist, not a baby!

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He’s not interested in having children! Hell yeah I’m judging you. This is so shitty. I hope he’s snipped.

Wow…maybe you aren’t getting pregnant because you’re tricking a guy into knocking you up which is so wrong on so many levels. I hope you’re prepared for him to leave you and if you do get pregnant to raise a baby on your own because that’s most likely what will happen.

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It’s God stepping in to save that man from your devilish ways :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

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How can we not judge when what you are doing is so wrong? You cannot trick him into another child. That’s just not ok.

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I feel like this is almost a form of rape :flushed:

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He told you no more kids. You’re wrong, so wrong

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Why are you trying to get pregnant knowing he doesn’t want any more. That is completely deceptive.

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Wow, absolutely selfish, gross human being. Hope he finds out about this & karma gets you :face_with_symbols_over_mouth:

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WOW that’s so wrong! Maybe it’s Gods way of saving your husband from your deceitful ways! So disgusting to have a child behind your mans back

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You need to tell him that you aren’t on birth control. Since you want to quit taking them without him knowing and get pregnant knowing he doesn’t want another one then dont get mad because he leaves you when you do get pregnant or gets mad. Also dont get him for child support either since you wanted to be dishonest . He has mad it clear to you that he didnt want any kids and you forced him into it

:face_vomiting: you need help for real!!!

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Sounds like the price you pay for deceit :woman_shrugging: how would you feel if you told him you wanted to have a baby, he let you keep “trying “ and then he told you he had a vasectomy ? That’s just wrong

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Karma for not being honest.

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Yikes!!! How about focus on why you are willing to deceive your husband. This is wrong. So wrong.

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Maybe he wised up and had a vasectomy

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Maybe he got snipped without letting you know. Also you should talk to him about it not just do it and hope he will accept what happened.

This should be a crime! You don’t love him! This is a life-ruining action you’re making for him, you, and the poor child that you may conceive.

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Healthy relationship you have, you need help!

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Wow…so sad…its hard accepting the fact that he wants no kids…and harder to accept you have tried and nothing…I got pregnant at 36 and he was a drinker (heavy) but maybe there is a reason behind it all that he just cant have kids and therefore doesnt want any…at least tell him your wanting and trying…he needs to know and maybe he will tell you the why! Good luck hope you all the best

Way to take someone’s ability to make a decision about their life away from them. This is a complete violation of their trust and I’m glad that you haven’t gotten pregnant by him. You don’t get to make those kind of choices for someone else. This is disgusting

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You really should sit down with him and have a nice talk about it once he knows you trying to get pregnant he may be totally for it there’s a difference in somebody telling you they’re doing something or wanting to do something then it is to actually be doing it it sounds like you really do need to sit down and have a long talk with him and all you can do is sit back if it’s God’s will it will happen I really wish you luck because I had two kids before I was 20 a boy and girl and I got with somebody that was 50 when I was 20 he had three kids older than me he had had a vasectomy and I let him talk me into getting my tubes tied biggest regret I ever had never to have another one but you do still have a chance because you only took birth control so your outcome could change to have another one mine can’t well really just sit down and talk to him and just leave it in God’s hands good luck

WTF is wrong with you? Karma is coming for you.

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Because of you “trapping” him for this long, your karma is actually working in his favor by not getting pregnant. Take the hint!

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That’s so fucked up… you’re trying to force him into something he doesn’t want. That’s so selfish.

That’s not cool, honest, trustworthy. Sorry not sorry. That’s not something to keep from a partner

Wow this is so wrong. I’m sorry but what you’re doing is disgusting. You’re a grown woman. Focus on your other two children and just enjoy what you have. It’s not meant to be apparently and lying won’t help ya.

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Wow what a why to ruin a marriage and saddle someone with a kid they don’t want. That is all kinds of wrong

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Tbh he very well could have gotten snipped before u met him would explain y u haven’t gotten pregnant

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You are trying to dictate what this mans life should look like. Thats so upsetting on so many levels. He has been open and honest to you. How dare you shove your wants of what you think your life should look like down his throat. Yuck. Thats therapy worthy.

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This is a form of abuse btw

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So u r trying to trick him? What kind of psycho are u? Who does that? Keep it up he may leave if you are not honest and trying to trap him with another kid. You sound like a Teenager. 40yr old grown women don’t do that childish shit.

Wow, talk to him. Dont trick him or force him into more kids

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Honesty is the answer

Hopefully this guy g9t a vasectomy

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That’s evil. Seriously something is wrong with you

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You not being honest with him about being off contraception is a big red flag!

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You guys the whole point of women sharing their problems here is so they can get good advice but all of you guys are being so judgmental and nasty!!! Just give her a good advice and stop judging or at least keep it to yourself :cold_sweat::cold_sweat:

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This is beyond so fucked up at any age. But at 40 your a grown ass woman, you should be ashamed of yourself.

If this were the other way around and my partner stealthed me, (yes, stealth. That’s what this is.) I’d be livid. I’d feel betrayed. Tell him and let him leave you. Get therapy and heal from whatever is going on with you that makes you so willing to betray and use your partner so selfishly. Then get a sperm donor if you still want a baby.

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I truly hope you don’t get pregnant. You are wrong on so many levels. Trying to bring a child into the world based on deceit. Maybe u haven’t gotten pregnant bcus you don’t deserve it by the way you’re going about it. Shame on you. Seriously.