I posted a while back in may asking for advice. I can’t seem to find the responses to my post now but they were really helpful at the time. It was relationship advice about my partners drinking habits. So we are three months on… it got sorted in may, he went on a complete bender and we almost split up he was devastated and really sad everyone was worried about him I really thought as did his family he had finally understood that time and he was going to sort it out. It was bad and the impact of his choices at that time was catastrophic (me, my child, him and his kids had something planned that my child had to miss out on coz he went missing 
) Anyway fast forward to now… it’s been a bit better I suppose but we’ve currently fell out and I don’t know whether this is the end. It’s all about his drinking. We agreed before then when we goes out drinking with his friends just to stay in contact (I don’t mean ringing me all night I mean like one or two texts that’s it) and the non negotiable is for him to text me when he’s home safe (I honestly don’t care how late it is that’s not a problem for me) but the reasons why is to stop the anxiety… because there’s been many occasions where he’s gone on benders for days so if he texts… it stops me getting worked up… he knows this we’ve talked so many times about it! Two weeks ago he went out and I didn’t hear from him for two days (said he lost his phone and was so hungover he couldn’t do anything about that the day after, he got his phone back the day after that from a bar) I went mad obviously he was apologetic and said he understood he should have been in touch At weekend he rang me about an hour before he was supposed to be coming over and asked if I minded if he didn’t come over and went out instead… I was irritated… due to the short notice, and mainly because I feel totally anxious when he goes out because I know what’s coming- but he went out…. Didn’t hear from him all night until the next morning. I’m absolutely fuming. We are now not speaking I sent him a nasty text yesterday just basically telling him to crack on and go live his life and I haven’t heard a lot since. I’m really upset, we were planning on moving in together and we are actually trying for a baby! I am worried that I sound like an idiot. But I love him and In every other way the relationship is truly amazing… but this situation makes me feel like I’m cracking up… like it’s almost like I could be coming across as controlling but I really don’t mean to be. How many times do you have to set clear boundaries tho for them to be ignored before you have to say enough is enough? It’s making me feel really insecure and paranoid too which I’m not normally like that He says sorry every single time… can’t explain why he doesn’t get in touch only that he is drunk I just don’t get that tbh I can drink with the best of them when I’m up for it and never been too bad to send a quick text -it’s making me feel like a mug… like why is he doing this? Is he with someone else? Is he bored with our life so has to go wild? Does he really not care about how anxious and stressed I get? I don’t know… the thing is I know he loves me… he’s attentive and amazing at all other times 
what’s the solution? It’s gone past me telling him how I feel now coz I have done a million times and he keeps doing it Thanks if you got this far… I’m just really struggling and don’t have many people to talk to … I’m just so pissed off and upset
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am struggling with my boyfriend not texting me when he drinks: Advice?
Good grief. Find another boyfriend already.
Find another boyfriend and for the love of god, DO NOT HAVE A BABY!!
Yeah sounds like you should leave. He’s not gonna make the change that your mental health needs
It’s sounds like he needs help… maybe planning for a baby isn’t the best idea right now. Maybe you & him should be planning for him to have a stay at a rehab for a few months till he breaks his addiction.
You should leave him
I need to know when enough is enough for you?
This is what your child raised around?
He won’t change or respect you so please tell me how he loves you and what you l9ve about him cuz y’all have a toxic way of showing it. 
You can’t fix him.
Stop trying.
And for the love of all things holy, DO NOT HAVE A BABY WITH HIM. 
The fact we have to tell you this should let you know it’s time to walk away.
Omg. Do not bring a baby into this! Alcoholics make horrible parents. Move on unless you want a life of misery.
He’s obviously got a drinking problem. I personally wouldn’t want anything to do with that. And I certainly would not try to have a baby with him.
I would cut your losses unless you are willing to deal with this cycle for the rest of your life. Seriously.
This relationship sounds like a big waste of your time.
3 months and it’s like this? I would drop him like a hot potato. Don’t waste your life on someone who isn’t putting their all into the relationship. Believe me, I’ve done that and lived to regret it for 6 years. Not worth it, especially with kids involved. You will always be let down.
If you have to ask or beg him to text you, no. The right person would without you even asking.
A better way to stop the anxiety is to not be in this abusive toxic relationship! 
You walk away. Choose peace and not to play 2nd choice to drink or whatever else he’s doing in that time. I doubt it’s just drink but you keep taking him back. Everytime it doesn’t change and you accept it, he’ll keep disrespecting you. Youve a kid think off. You leave and do better to show your kid what respect is
Please seek therapy and Al Anon for yourself.
And please, whatever you do, don’t get pregnant. He is not a stable person for a baby to be around in any way shape or form.
For the love of all things, do not have a child with him. Stop wasting your time and move on.
So you said all of that….and then said the relationship is amazing? And you’re trying for a baby? Girl…sounds like he might have a problem…and I don’t think a baby is going to fix it…nor will moving in together.
Just my opinion, but if you truly want to be with this guy, he’s going to have to quit drinking. You’ll never be happy and he can’t stop because he’s an alcoholic. Maybe take a break from him and let him know this is what’s going to happen, he’ll have to quit drinking or forget about you.
A baby? Why in the world would you try for a baby when you already see what life with him is like?!?
You’ve been with him 3 months and are putting up with this? Girl tell him bye!
How old is he? How often is this happening? If he’s well.into adulthood and doing this more often than not then cut your losses and leave. And for goodness sake, stop trying to get pregnant by him. Even if you stay with him, please don’t bring a baby into it.
Why on earth would you want to bring a baby into the world with a guy like that?
He’s telling you… He has chosen the drinking and party life over you… I am sorry, but you deserve better.
I’d be ending it
Didn’t read the whole thing but the guy sounds like irresponsible and you will spend your life Parentinf him and him not respecting you walk or run to someone who has better respect for you there are many guys out there this is not your only chance at love
Let it go… It’s not working now, and definitely isn’t gonna work of you move in together or have a baby. He is not the one.
Don’t have a baby with this man. He is an alcoholic and he will destroy your life and any child you have together life. Move on and find another you have wasted enough of your time and energy on this man.
sincerely,
the woman who had a baby with a drug addict after trying to keep him clean for 4 years.
I suggest you go to Al Anon.
Kick him to the curb
You lost me at trying for a baby.
I don’t know why you keep bothering, he obviously doesn’t care how you feel his made it clear so many times 
3 months in and your trying for a baby and moving in? Did I read that right? 
He’s an addict and at this point he needs professional help. It won’t do any good if he doesn’t see he’s an addict though. Your relationship is on its last legs you’re right, and it should be. Most people would have left by now.
This man is an addict. You must let him go if you want any kind of decent life. Do not have a baby with him as it would not be fair to either the child or you. He cannot raise a child when he can’t raise himself. Please get some counseling. He has made and continues to make his choices.
You’ve talked to him and explained why your asking for him to do it. Leave, he’s not going change and isn’t taking your request seriously. He’s already caused your child hurt in having to miss out because he is not responsible. Definitely do not have a child with him. You can’t trust or count on him to straighten up and be there it’ll just be heartache for you and your children that could get worse.
Ask for him to go to a rehab or AA meeting. Or leave cause it’s not going to change.
Addiction is addiction and often the addict will choose the addiction above everything else. Not bcuz they don’t care, but simply bcuz they can’t fight the cravings off. With that said, only he can choose to quit when and if he wants. You can’t do it for him.
You have 2 options. Put up with it and understand (wouldn’t suggest bringing a child in to this considering how you see his other kids suffering as well as you) basically put up with it. second is walk away and don’t consider going back until he’s got his addiction in check. It’s so easy for them to manipulate you by saying “they’ll stop” and they might but only until you cave, if he’s for real he’ll do everything to ensure he stays sober but again it takes time and he would also need time to be single to sort it out. Relationships tend to trigger the addiction when stress or conflict occurs.
Why would you try for a baby with a man that drinks for days?! He says he loves you, but doesn’t respect you. You allow this behavior by letting it go and not giving him consequences. Your kid and his kids shouldn’t be around someone like this.
Be done with him. You deserve so much better. It’s better that you don’t live with him and don’t have kids with him. Look at what he’s doing to his kids. Do you really want a child with someone so irresponsible? If you have a baby with him, things won’t change. They may even get worse. And then you’ll be setting up your child with a father who disappears for days. You really want that for your baby?
You can’t help or change him why bother with this go live happy without him.
I stopped at the trying to have a baby part… girl, WHY??? LEAVE 
HIM Why would you want to put up with that or have your children deal with that? Find a man that puts you and the children first. He doesn’t want help or he’d be seeking it. Don’t let him hold your life on pause or waste your time doing the same crap over and over. Move on!
Why on earth would you want to bring another child into this drunken madness?
If you have talked to him about multiple times an he is still doing it. Then for me he does not love you
Your in love with an alcoholic tell him to hit the bricks
He isn’t going to change. No amount of love or nagging from you will change him. If you can accept that, then keep him. If you cannot, then go.
He is choosing alcohol over you. Another consideration is if he drinks this much, there is a very definite possibility that a baby you have with him could have disability issues due to his sperm being damaged by the alcohol abuse. So ask yourself, would you be able to look after your child, an alcoholic and a disabled child? Also, is he completely sober when driving around with you and your child in the car or is there a possibility of a car accident waiting to happen? I think if you are on here asking what to do, you already know but are frustrated that you have been put in this position
I think you already know your answer inside. Obviously things aren’t changing which says he doesn’t respect how you feel no matter how many times he says sorry. If he had wanted to fix the relationship he would’ve listened… But you keep giving him chances. If you want change you have to stick to your guns and walk away sometimes for them to realize what a moron they are being and get help. There’s literally only so much you can do or say. I know it sucks to make that choice but that is my advice.
I honestly stopped reading after you said your planning on moving in together, and trying for a baby. The cycle will continue as long as you allow it. Fighting and making up does nothing. It just sends the message that the only consequences he faces, are you getting mad and eventually getting over it. If you want the behavior to end, than you need to dump him. If he genuinely wants to be with you, he’ll take it seriously and change his behavior. Take a step back and look at the example you’re setting for your child. Is this how you want them to be treated? Or worse, behave?
All I can say is you can take ALLL the advice we give you right , but it will do absolutely nothing until YOU are ready to not take it anymore. I have literally been through the exact same thing… everything you just said. I am telling you keep note of every single time, every single suspicion, every let down. Just keep it away in your note pad. Take a look at it a few times a week. One day , I hope , you will be able to let go. You’ll finally see and realize how much you deserve and he won’t even be an attraction to you anymore. You will find peace and find someone who truly loves you.
The solution. To this is to stop trying to keep him from hitting his bottom. The only way he is going to get help is for you to move out of the way. He needs to get into treatment and work a program. But if he is not ready you cannot force love hate anything to make him get help
Your BF is an addict and until he accepts that and takes steps to get treatment, this is just going to be your life with him. For the love of Dog, don’t bring an innocent infant into this train wreck of a relationship.
I stopped reading after we are trying to have a baby. Are you serious?! He needs to take care of his problem before there is a “we” anything. He clearly is not as serious about having a relationship or family like you are. And I’d be worried about exposing my child to this madness. Break free before there are chains.
He is not mature enough for a baby and a committed relationship… he does put you first or respect you or feelings… IMO it will only lead to your heart break and put in a pattern for struggling in life
Addiction is horrible and while someone is actively addicted they will hurt you repeatedly
It just wears you down
Be glad he is just a boyfriend and dont have kids together. Move on. Sounds like he is fine moving on if fine with not contacting you.
For you kids sake dump him. Don’t bring people like that around your kid.
He needs help. He won’t change till he gets some
He’s an alcoholic that doesn’t want help. He will continue to be this way. It will not change. A baby will not make him change. Girl, run. Do not have a kid with this man, it will just drag you down, make a kid that won’t have a present father and earn all the self issues that come with that. You will then have to deal with him for the rest of your life.
You don’t sound controlling. I know you can’t see it, but he is not worth your time or despair. Read what you wrote as if someone else wrote it, you’d be thinking the same as all of us. RUN! Going on benders…?? What grown ass man with kids behaves this way. The ones who will be all but living at the bar by his late 40’s, have his own stool there, and have the constant perfume of alcohol seeping from his pores.
You’ve got no reason to stay, leave before you get pregnant and feel obligated to make it work. He’s going to ruin his life with or without you, no need to let him drag you through the muck with him.
You’re absolutely not stupid or nagging. I know that insecure anxious feeling when you’re trying with everything that you have. But hunny, if he respected you, you wouldn’t be feeling this way after MULTIPLE talks on your feelings and expectations from the relationship. He keeps doing these things and using a sh*tty sorry because you allow him to. Only you know what the next step is. But just remember, he will only do what you let him do. If this isn’t good enough and you’re left feeling like someone you’re not, you need to end this relationship. You aren’t meant to lose yourself, you aren’t meant to completely change and feel lost. I wish you all the best x
Unless he’s willing to get sober, and I mean SOBER, then you are heading into years of heartbreak.
Being in an substance dependent relationship is never going to go well.
Please pack your bags and go.
There is happiness out there.
Just tell him to bugger off & get yourself some help & move on " believe me this will never be any good 
Either go with the flow or move on
U r both adults…don’t be his mom
Well if you have a baby be prepared to sit waiting for him to come back from his benders. He will not change. You sure drugs are not an issue or other women? I would call it a day for your mental health if I was you.
It sounds like he’s an alcoholic. He needs help, but he has to be the one to take that step. I was married to an alcoholic for 8 years before I finally left for good–after many separations and going back because he promised to get help, but never did. I am now married 25 years to a very good man. Encourage your BF to get help; AA meetings are a good start. No matter what, you will have to decide how much of his behavior you will tolerate before you are done with it, as it does not seem like he’s interested in changing. Good luck to you.
Get out. Go to Al Anon. Been there, done that.
Sweetie, walk away for an EXTENDED period of time. Allow yourself some time to heal from the chaos and allow him to hit his rock bottom as a few others have suggested. He has to learn this lesson on his own. I did this with mine (nearly identical situation) and he’s been doing amazing.
Just tell him, this is what’s happening, I still love you but I have to love myself and my child(ren) more, that means walking away until you realize what you’re doing to yourself.
You gotta make it about him, what he’s doing to himself for him to get it. He is still a man afterall lol😜
Hang in there, love. Best of luck❤
- He’s an alcoholic. 2. You can’t control his drinking. 3. Don’t “try” for a baby with an alcoholic you’re not even married to.
WTF. Wise up!
Doesn’t sound like either one of you is mature enough to be dating at all!!!
Do you have a half porch ?
You can’t make an alcoholic change. He has to want to change. He still thinks his drinking is just for fun. He doesn’t realize the impact it’s having. He won’t stop for you.
And oh dear God, please stop trying for a baby. You aren’t even living together. There’s no happy home or love between you two. I say this as someone who’s husband is an alcoholic. He’s sober now for a few years, is active in meetings and works at it everyday. But trust me, he won’t change until he wants to. Message me if you need to. Good luck 
So I’m not sure what to say but I’m sorry he keeps doing this to you and do you really want to add a baby into that chaos?
When people are out drinking and getting drunk, they have a totally different attitude, your thoughts are totally not in anyway responsible or good choices are made.
It sounds like your boyfriend has a problem and needs help , not trying to be cruel but when you are drunk consequences or responsibility is not even a thought in your head.
Actions speak louder then words you get upset he apologizes and says everything u need to hear , behaviour changes for abit (honeymoon phase). Once the fire settles he returns to the norm.
Stand your ground. He needs help and you have shown him he can keep getting away with his actions because you keep forgiving
I’ve lived this both sides.
The baby I would wait. You get pregnant baby may get affected by the alcohol.he drinking like that he need help. Does he want a baby I would hold out . That’s not the type of environment you want to raise a child
It’s time to give yourself a much needed break. Stay away from him for awhile. He needs to choose what means more to him.
This won’t get better only 3 months and already set pattern
End relationship he is alcohol
Maybe I’m crazy but it sounds like your boyfriend enjoys alcohol more than your relationship. You can’t make someone be ready for something they’re not! If he wanted what you wanted, his actions would reflect that
He’s not texting cuz he’s with other girls. Period. Leave before it’s too late. Loves not fixing that train wreck. Save yourself
Usually I’d say if you still feel like putting up with someone who disregards your feelings go for it, hopefully it changes. With kids involved… please do not stay. You deserve so much more, and so does your child.
Sounds like you are baby sitting him.
Well you can make all the preparations to shield your finances from his stupidity (DUI, negligent manslaughter,or even burning your house down) but theres no insurance against him alienating the people in your life, giving you an std, or eventually abusing your children, shitface drunks are runnaway trains of chaos
Are you actually serious? Trying for a baby when you can’t even rely on that person to CALL or TEXT you? 
That’s the worst idea ever. If you think that’s going to make him bonded to you or change, you’re dead wrong, it’ll make him drink and disappear more. Who knows what he’s even getting up to, you certainly don’t.
When someone shows you their true colours don’t waste your time trying to repaint them.
Please stop intentionally trying for a baby when you know your partner is struggling with substance abuse issues. If he cannot reign himself in with as many discussions as you previously have had, it seems pretty clear he does not respect you. You set the boundary of what you will or will not accept. If you sit idly by and just continue to take him back time and time again he will continue doing the same things until HE is ready for treatment/to stop the behavior. That type of behavior is something I would absolutely run from to not only protect myself but my child(ren) as well.
Do not move on with him or have a baby with him. You don’t bring a innocent child into a life with an alcoholic. This will be a life of hell for the kid. Love yourself and your children more than put them into this situation. Alcoholics don’t just quit. Not because they don’t want to but because they can’t. He will have to go to rehab and stay away from bars and drinking buddies or it won’t work. Girl your life will be in misery if you don’t let this guy go
He dont care about your feelings… leave… hes not gonna change anytime soon. Stop trying for a baby with him
Wow a lot of problem at the beginning of your relationship and you’re trying to have a baby with a dude who has a problem & doesn’t respect u enough to respond??? U can’t fix him & he’s obviously got something going on with him …. U can’t make him do anything unless he really wanted to so I wouldn’t make your life more complicated by being his part time mother instead of his girl - sorry but he sounds messy and why keep that ?
My first Husband was like that. He would disappear for days at a time and no contact. He became very abusive. Also I don’t mean to sound negative but he would say he was too drunk to call. We had 4 kids together and I finally gave up after 17 years. He always had someone on the side . When I would kick him out he would call crying and begging to come home. In hindsight I wish I would have divorced him sooner. His kids are all grown now and when he passed away they didn’t care because of the life he took from them. I did remarry to a great guy for 30 years. He passed away 4 years ago due to serving in Vietnam. Please take this seriously because he is probably not going to change. I suffer to this day from PTSD from the abuse from him. Physical and mental. Not trying to get in your business but it sounds like you need to cut ties . 
Alcoholism is a disease.
It just doesn’t fix itself or get sorted out.
If he doesn’t want to change - he won’t.
If he won’t get help - nothing will change.
It’s up to you to decide if you want to continue wasting your life on someone who clearly doesn’t give a rats about you. With an alcoholic the booze always comes first. Do you want to come second to that?
This is just the beginning
You said it right there; you keep telling him, obviously that’s NOT working and he knows there will be no other consequences. He will keep doing it. Run while you can.
Hes a alcoholic, you have to decide how you want live, you’re children are being exposed to it,frankly you seem to be in a bit of denial as if thats just partying with pals,pissed because of texts hes blacked out somewhere and you’re left holding the bag,worry about those children and what they’ve been seeing
Girl I really don’t see what your in love with? Why would you tolerate that crap. Best thing for you do to is stay away from him.I damn sure wouldn’t want a child with him. I think he’s a party boy and you are in denial. Run!
I only read about half of the post before I came to conclusion that the relationship isn’t his first problem. His first problem is he’s an addict. He can’t be in a functional relationship if he’s in active addiction. Its best to leave until he gets help and has a little sober time under his belt. He has no business being in any relationship until he works on himself.
hope you dont have kids with him. he sounds like a douchebag wannabe teenager. tell him you are ending the relationship and then leave him!!!
He’s an addict and u r apparently codependent. Get urself into therapy for the sake of ur child. Ask urself, y would u subject ur child to this behavior, let alone urself.
I didn’t even read the whole thing.
1)He’s an alcoholic more than likely and you can’t stop someone from being one they have to hit rock bottom hard to stop
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you do not need a baby with this man after a few months of knowing him.
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I highly doubt that he goes on these benders like you’re saying he’s most likely with another girl n the texting you would most likely get him caught by the other woman.
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leave.
Is this the life you want for you and your child? If you move in it will get even worse, you cannt make him change and please don’t have a baby with this guy, he’s very irresponsible and acting like a child himself He has a major drinking problem and you and your child deserve better than this!
Leave this relationship. Please do not bring another child into this situation with someone who is either an alcoholic or makes really bad decisions. If you’re not that far in and this is already happening….welcome to what your life would be like for the rest of your life. This isn’t going to change.
I tell my kids to go with your gut not your heart, cause sometimes the heart just gets so involved its hard to make decison my ex did this to me and I would worry myself all night about him sometimes he wouldn’t come home till 4 or 5 I b the morning. I’ll pray for ou Hon. And what Kimberly said at keast yall are married with kids. Tell him that no kids till he cN change…loves and hugs
I used to be your boyfriend.
Long story short, I landed myself in treatment (more than once) and got sober. Chances are he’s in the denial stage of his alcoholism. Until he comes to the realization and seeks help, all bets are off. He has to want it for himself. Until then, I’d be looking for the door if I were you.
He shows all the signs of an alcoholic
Get thee to an AlAnon meeting. You need support and help with his actions
Tell him that until he quits drinking and stays off the booze he’s not welcome in your world. And stick to it.
You and your child do not need this very selfish person in your life.
You may love him but he is killing himself and any normal relationship with you and his children
DO NOT WAIT—DO IT NOW
Run fast
Take care of you & your children. All of you deserve better.