I got married to a beautiful, caring, and amazing father figure to my daughter from a previous relationship. Everything is literally perfect, except he tested positive for Genital herpes yesterday. I’m literally devastated. I am not positive for any std, and he swears he didn’t cheat. I caught him cheating online right before Christmas. Never suspected he did it in person. I am not sure what to do. He swears it’s from his ex from 2018. Idk what to believe or do. I don’t really want to leave because besides this everything has been amazing. Advice?
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If he cheated before and you don’t have any stds, then you pretty much just answered your own question…
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Have is very common type 1 u can contract as a child! U could have it and never know because not everyone has an outbreak! Hard to test 100 percent unless u have outbreak to swab!
Why did he not tell you about that before???
Call that ex ask her if she has it. Would be a good heads up.
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From what I understand someone can have the virus for years and not have any symptoms then all of a sudden they cause a break out. Research it.
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“Caught him cheating online”, “tested positive for herpes” 
girl… what else you need to leave this douchbag??
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Girl, idk what to say. Have you been tested since his diagnosis? If so, and hopefully negative, then it would have to be him. I’m sorry to say that. Plus, it is transmittable without an outbreak present. You have to take care of you…
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I’m not sure on what advice to give maybe both get retested
That’s one of those STDs that can be dormant and not show signs for awhile, but if you caught him cheating online then I think you answered your own question.
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If he got it from his “ex” in 2018 then are you saying you haven’t had sex with him at all? Because that is an STD. If you had sex with him then you would have it. Throw the whole dude away. He has been cheating. Im sorry ma!
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Just because he has it and you don’t doesn’t mean he cheated he just hasn’t had a break out and had sex with you that’s all. He could have had it FOR YEARS he could have even been born with it and never broken out till not
If you have no faith or trust in him leave the poor fucker he’s already going through something that’s pretty traumatic and has no one to support him instead the mistrust your using against him. No point being in a relo with no trust BABEY
Not sure but if you caught him cheating online before Christmas then why would you assume he wouldnt cheat in person? Wouldnt trust the guy im sorry but hes proven he has it in him.
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He definitely cheated. Save yourself get out. I’m so sorry you’re going through this😞
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So wait… He’s positive for it and you are not? You’re married and he says its from 2018… Im not an expert on STD’s but I’m thinking you’d have it by now unless you guys don’t have sex…
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He cheated online, what would stop him from cheating physically? If he has genital herpes then that’s pretty much your confirmation.
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Was he tested before you got with him? He could have been positive for years without even knowing it.
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Have him get checked again. From what I’ve read herpes is misdiagnosed 20% of the time.
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May as well have the herps together 
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Medically speaking, a person can have that for YEARS and not have symptoms or give it to anyone since there is no outbreak. So he may be telling the truth.
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2018 wasn’t long ago… Go with your gut, I’ve learned in life to go with my gut. EVERY time I didn’t, I regretted it! true story. I hope all works out for the best for you and your daughter <3
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You can have the virus for a long time and not show any symptoms.
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Herpes can stay dormant for YEARS in the body without showing signs or symptoms hun
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Actually you could have the herpes virus and not have any symptoms for a long time…Welcome to Valtrex land…
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Isn’t herpes only transmitted during an outbreak??? I don’t know. Honest question.
Girl, you do know a man or woman can get it if you go down on them and have a cold sore on your mouth? Maybe he didn’t cheat 
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Wellll I’m not sure about herpes. But some don’t show up right away. If he got it from and ex then u definitely have it. Maybe it just hasn’t showed up on tests.? And if he cheated… what’s the chances u haven’t slept with him since he cheated?? I mean to me sounds like either way u may have it , just may not be showing up on your tests yet??
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If he’s been talking to other women online, the chances are good that he is cheating in person. You shouldn’t even have to question your spouse if he’s cheating. Be careful if you continue to be intimate with him. Be sure to protect yourself!
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I would suggest doing some research on genital herpes. It is very likely that he has had the STD for years from a previous partner like he is saying. It can lay dormant in the body for years. Not every person that is exposed will contract the disease either. Do some research and educate yourself and then have an honest and open conversation with your spouse.
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Hsv 1 and hsv 2 aint the same people
It can be dormant for many, many years! Please, do research and then decide what the next steps are. Good luck!
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you caught him cheating, and now he has an std… the red flags is here all over the place. You are comfortable though…so you need other people to tell you it’s ok to stay. It isn’t, especially if this behavior is being modelled for children but hey…you’re comfortable so do you boo. Get that azz in some relationship counselling stat if you want to salvage.
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It can lie dormant for years and may not always be passed to the other partner. However, you caught him cheating online a month ago… chances are he got it recently. Knowing he has this now, if you stay, you could get it from him. And when you actually catch him cheating… you’re stuck with an STI and a cheating husband. Eff that. Leave.
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If he’s had that std for 2 years you would’ve noticed way before that, google it. It would be full blown without medication and you’d have it. He cheated on you online and in person from the sound of it. He’s obviously not going to stay with you if he’s cheating so no point in getting a std and giving it to someone else down the road that cares about you.
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Herpes stays dormant for years!
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He could have had it for years and never knew… You only test positive when there is an outbreak… If it has never been bad or painful then many people think it is only an ingrown hair or irritation … Some feel the burn quickly others take some time…
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Once you contract GH it stays with you forever and can be dormant for years and then just reappear, so it very well could have came from an ex like he is saying. " Genital herpes doesn’t always cause symptoms. You may not even know you have herpes until you pass it to someone else or get tested." (Herpes Symptoms in Men: Signs and Symptoms of Genital Herpes)
Trust your gut, do your research on this subject ^^link above will help too, keep yourself protected from contracting this virus from him and go from there. If you don’t want to leave then don’t just keep the communication open with him.
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You can have herpies for years without an outbreak and you can only catch herpies if there is an outbreak. So it could have been from a previous relationship and he is just now finding out. But if you caught him cheating online theres definitely red flags. Cheating is cheating. If you want to continue the relationship i suggest really digging deep into the issues perhaps marriage counseling. Good luck
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Herpes aside … he did cheat. You said so yourself. So what’s the question?
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People can have herpes for years and that doesn’t mean you will get them. He may actually have gotten it from his ex
He could have carried the herpes virus since he first became sexually active. Some people don’t show signs for years some people only show minimal signs and some people never show any signs at all. There is no cure and possibly no way to tell how long he’s had it or who he got it from. Unfortunately 2 out of 3 people have it. This is why protecting yourself is so important at the start of being sexually active and why it’s important to not have multiple partners.
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Idk, you can have it and not know for years. He very well could have gotten it in 2018
Don’t have sex while he’s having an outbreak. I would do your research if you haven’t already and see if it’s something you want to risk
You caught him CHEATING online before Christmas?? There is your answer. He ain’t gonna change.
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ANYTHING is possible but if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck…
Trust your instincts.
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Its possible he had it from before and its just now showing… however, you said youve caught him cheating online… its likely he cheated “in person” as well. Not sure what to tell you but personally I would not stay in a relationship with someone who cheated on me in any way, but thats jus tme.
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People can have it an not show symptoms for years. And it’s not something that is guaranteed to transfer to everyone you have sex with. I think he definitely could have got it before you but at the same time he could have cheated. No way to know because herpes and the situation is so complicated. I would take a step back and think about if you want to be with him and accept the risk that you will probably get it. Alot of people are commenting saying you should leave him but you know there is way more to your relationship then these issues. So only you can decide if you should stay. Having a man cheat in any way sucks but it doesn’t have to define the relationship.
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People can have it for many years and not be aware of it and not pass it on unless they have an outbreak. This is an std that they generally don’t even screen for unless you have symptoms. The online cheating is an issue though…
Cheating is cheating. Leave!
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Why was he tested?
If it was from years ago, wouldn’t be have had an outbreak before?
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Either way he cheated so leave him now cuz he’s gonna keep doing it and just cry and beg you to believe he didn’t. Idc how much I love someone I would never stay if they had an STD. To me, love isn’t worth an STD for the rest of your life. Especially knowing that ANYTHING can happen and if you two separated and you met someone else you’d have to tell them you have an STD…
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So lets say it did come from his ex in 2018… why the hell did he not tell you before you had sex with him??? Thats beyond fucked up!
Get some counseling and let a professional answer your questions.
If it was from before… Youd have it too… You also caught him cheating so… Leave him. Thats disgusting
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If you already CAUGHT him cheating, you don’t need any other reason to have him stick around. Happy relationship don’t start out toxic. Don’t ignore the red flags. It’s not all that good if he is looking elsewhere.
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He cheated online anyway. I’d leave
You caught him cheating online, he more than likely is sleeping with someone else and blaming the std on his previous relationship hoping you fall for it.
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Maybe I’m indifferent but cheating is cheating! Whether it’s in the mind or the act! I definitely wouldn’t put up with it it! However, he may very well be telling the truth as it can lay dormant!
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Leave before you do have it and God knows what else.
Give him this 1 and only pass. It could have been from before. But…what was the online cheating about? That’s 2 passes. So obviously everything isn’t as perfect as you say.
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There’s only going to be more that will surface if you keep letting it go
He cheated I’m a nurse it the only way
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Have you had a pap and blood test
I feel like no one is worth being with if they have contacted herpes from being unfaithful that’s just low like stop making excuses because hes a good parent.
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He’s got herpes and you don’t
And you caught him online cheat bye 
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Girl he’s cheating. If he hadn’t been the one to cheat, why wouldn’t he be blaming YOU for giving it to him? Why automatically assume it was the ex unless he knew he had it before he got with you?
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What made him get tested all of a sudden? Sounds like he cheated and now needs someone to blame. I’d personally contact the ex and ask if she passed it while everyone is on the phone. It’d be a good way to let her know if she needs checked or she will call him out on cheating while you and him are on phone. Probably should have both been tested long before this point and no questions would need asked.
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Cheating on line is cheating, if you are unsure go to a doctor and ask if it could be possible for him to have had it for two years and you not get it or him not have an outbreak. Also why was he tested in the first place. Cut your losses and leave, anyway if you stay you are going to get it also.
Imo u should of left in December when u found out the 1st time. I very seriously doubt it was only emotional. Even if it was, that is just as bad if not worse. If u don’t leave, your risking your own health everytime u sleep with him. I know u can use protection but still. Ain’t no way in hell I would stay.
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You need to go to the Dr asap, to get tested and ask them about how long you could have it and not know. But if he got caught cheating online…
You have to know what you can deal with. Cheating is a deal breaker for me, but some people can work it out.
??? How does he have it and you don’t? LOL do you never have sex or???
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Do some research to see if he could have it for so long without knowing
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Im so sorry, but you can’t trust anyone anymore. I would move on.
Love is supposed to be one of the most beautiful things in the world. But hurts so much. Its good for a while but, some how someone gets so hurt.
It could take years for symptoms to show for herpes.
But that being said, if he was cheating online. He cheated. Period. Online, on the phone, texting, in person, which ever way, is cheating. In my eyes anyways.
If it was me, I’d file for divorce and go my own way.
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You caught him doing what online? Talking ? Looking at porn? What??? And herpes can come and go you can have it once and it can be dormit for years and break out again years later
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Genital herpes can be dormit for years before being detected and no signs or out breaks. And wait, his ex from 2 years ago? How long were you together before getting married??? And you did catch him online cheating. That’s not to far off from going real life. Weird that he has it but you don’t thou. I’m not sure how long you have to have it before you can find it on a test lol I know someyou have to wait a certain amount of time before being tested for it. Honestly if you have doubts about anything, I would leave. Or it’ll only get worse between you two. And you’ll always have doubts And soon probably start to feel jealousy over everything and insecure and resent him.
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You caught him cheating online in December and now he has herpes. Uh. He’s lying to you.
He already cheated. He’s still cheating if he has an std.
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If he has herpes and you guys have had unprotected sex, you have herpes. If you guys have only had protected sex and he had an outbreak, you still have herpes. However, a person can have herpes and not have any symptoms for years. The only way to test for herpes without an outbreak is to get a blood test.
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And…he doesn’t sound very prefect:thinking:
Please do not assume just because he had herpes herpes you can have for years before you officially get diagnosed with it or start showing any symptoms… I had a partner in hs withgenital herpes and because of that my gyno checks me every year just to make sure
He should be notifying his ex partners of this … and if his ex has it then you know it’s from before forsure
Both of you get retested HSV! A majority of people have HSV antibodys with out and outbreak it is hard to tell 100 percent if you have herpes if he has never had an outbreak the test could be negative or it could be positive! Most people are exposed to oral HSV when they are children!
With herpes, he could have it YEARS with NO symptoms, and speard it also. You can’t use that as a way to determine if he cheated or not.
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Agree, he could have had it for yrs before he met you
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Go get tested. And if he was cheating online. He’s a cheater. You’re the one that has to decide if it’s worth the struggle. Cheating is a deal breaker and cheating WITH an STD that he could have given you?!?! Oh hell no.
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Walk away and don’t look back
I need to know what classifies as cheating online or what he did. Was he just talking to someone? Did they exchange pics? Did he say things like he cared for her? Etc.
RUN!!! Once cheat always!
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If you ever had a cold sore you may be immune just keep an eye on him. Time will tell
Learn all you can about herpes be for you deside.
Follow your guy and work with him… time can only tell 
Viruses can lay dormant for years with no outbreaks or symptoms he can be telling the truth
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HSV you can have for years and not have breakouts he could of caught years before and if he is stressed or something he can be flaring… but you said you did catch him cheating… sooo
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It could have been dormant. But, how is he -perfect- if you’ve caught him cheating before?
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He could have had it for years! He needs to get with his old partners so they can get tested too.
Only one way to find out if he cheated or not just go through his phone and go online and look at his phone records
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Genital herpes can lay dormant for ages, I know someone who has genital herpes but her partner doesn’t, you can only contract it if you have sex when when the herpes have ‘flared up’ some people have herpes and it very rarely flares up at all, he could have caught it years ago and never knew about it until now.
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Herpes never goes away but if he knew he had it he should of told you…before you guys hooked up…break outs happen when ever …they want too …they can’t know when they come …look in to it more …and communicate ask that girl if she has it too if you can
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First and for most y’all are married how tf can he marry you and not tell you he has herpies!!
What a fkn dick was he just waiting for you to contract it and be like oops I forgot to tell you … I saw he said he got it from his ex in 2018 and he says he just found out sounds like BULLSHIT you busted him in December and all of a sudden he just found out sounds like hes full of shit takes 2 weeks from time of intercourse to start having symptoms ( if you contract it) yes he might have had it but sounds like he’s just trying to cover his ass and probably contracted it from this December fling. I’ve read up I know there’s a possibly he could have it but but hadn’t had a outbreak in years… again you just busted him so what are the odds …he cant be trusted theres no really way to know if he did have it before or not (only he knows) it’s possible y’all been intimate and you haven’t gotten it, comes dwn to you simply cant trust the man.