I am unsure on what to do for Christmas: Advice?

So, for the past few years my husband and I alomg with our two daughters (2 and 11 months old) have celebrated Christmas with his family. Mostly because every single stinkin year my mom has started a huge fight, over nothing, completely ruining the holiday. No one wants to celebrate Christmas with someone who wont even talk to you. She just would make the holiday so hostile and cold and it wasnt something I wanted to subject my girls too on Christmas. Well, this year we all decided to drive down to my brothers house (he lives about 3 hours away). I’m all for it, but I just have this sinking feeling that it’s just going to be a trainwreck. My family doesnt plan anything. Everything with them is always up in the air, no one knows what’s going on and they’re always late. Things keep changing from spending Christmas at his house to his girlfriends house with her family (which is an extra 2 hours on the freeway). If we spend it at his house, there wont be Christmas dinner because he doesnt even own pots or pans. I dont even know his girlfriends parents since I’ve only met her twice. I just have this feeling that we will spend the majority of Christmas on the freeway. My husband also has to fly out back to work on the 27th so wed have to be home on the 26th so he can pack. My inlaws said they were welcomed to come here for Christmas and for dinner so I’m thinking maybe it’s best to spend it here. It’s our first Christmas for our youngest daughter (she was only 3 weeks old last year). My oldest will also be here this year and not with her dad. Its a big deal to me! I dont want to spend it on the freeway! I know if I mention it to my mom it’s going to be another huge fight and I just dont know what to do. Please help!!


The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. With all matters of the heart, you’ll know it when you find it."- Steve Jobs

You already sound like you know what you should do. Just have xmas at your house. And invite your fam if they come they come if they don’t well enjoy the holiday anyways.


If you’re questioning it, don’t go. Make new plans.


I would have it your house! Invite your mom if she doesnt come then it’s on her :heart: you have your own family to worry about now.


I would have it at your inlaws or your house. If. You have any feeling it will be a train wreck it most likely will be


You have to start your own family traditions at some point


Go with your gut…forget everyone else stay home and just do it at ur house with ur family. Enjoy ur family for once. Focus on ur kids. Do game dsy and do fun stuff…


Always prioritize the family you made and not the one you come from. In this situation it sounds like staying home would be more stable for your family. Trust your gut.


Stay home. Avoid the drama. Enjoy your Christmas. Tell your mom to take her drama elsewhere cause you are not interested


So stay home and enjoy

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Spend Christmas at your own house… Invite whoever. If they come, they come.


Is this my long lost sister writing this? Lol. It sounds just like my family. Stay home and invite people over. Traveling with small kids is a disaster. We have to travel 10 hours for Thanksgiving and I’m dreading the drive already.

I would just do something small with your girls and husband at your house. Just tell everyone you want to do something intimate this year and if people want to stop by to see you guys that’s fine but you aren’t doing anything big


Christmas at home. Your babies are to young to spend the holiday on the freeway and spending Christmas with virtual strangers. Christmas is for making family memories. Invite family to your house. If they come, they come, if not at least you’ll be home with your family.


stay home and have it with your family


It is time to start new traditions. My son and his family don’t travel on Christmas, and that is ok. It is also his oldest child’s birthday, and they have Christmas in the morning and birthday in the afternoon. Sometimes they live close enough for us to visit, sometimes not. They don’t travel on the 25th.

I’ve always told everyone that Christmas Day will be spent at home with my babies bc I’ve always had to travel for Christmas and now that I have my own little one (he’s 2 1/2) then I am not traveling anymore for Christmas unless it’s my own decision! Christmas Eve is up for grabs for whoever calls it first but Christmas Day is at my house with just me my fiancé and our son. Unless we have my mom or grandparents staying with us. But we DO NOT travel for it at all. I’m more than happy to go visit my mom/grandparents the weekend before or after if they can’t make it here for Christmas but I always made it clear to Everyone that Christmas Day is OUR day. And honestly if your family isn’t okay with that then it is on them. You have young children and if your mom wants to spend Christmas with them then she can come see them. I’m curious as to why your mom is causing a fight though. Does she feel like she doesn’t get to see your kids as much as other family? Or is it reasons that are completely unrelated to that? I think It would be a good idea for you to have Christmas at your house this year or maybe start doing it every other year or so and having people come to you so you can have a break.

You pretty much answered your own question. If your gut is telling you Christmas with your side of the family will be a shit show, then skip it and stay home to celebrate with your in-laws. Rather make good memories than bad ones

Oh my. This is my life. So I know EXACTLY what you’re dealing with. I did this for years, fighting back and forth and dragging my kids from this place to that place. We were al exhausted and unhappy by the time it was all done. So what we started was our own family traditions with our little family at home. And if your family doesn’t like it, oh well. You have to think about your family, and you have to keep your sanity. I mean I love my family, but I can’t deal with all the drama and back and forth bullshit. And since we’ve started our own little family thing, we’re all so much happier and it’s just peaceful. :woman_shrugging:t2:

Stay home who wants to spend time driving on freeways, start your on family tradition and just relax and have a good time with your family

Your family now is your hubby and children. Start your own traditions. Loving grandparents who don’t turn the holiday into a war zone, who love my kids, who will understand when you have to leave and why, outrank the whole Jerry Springer circus every time.

Stay home n don’t stress


Have it at your house.It may be a lot of work for you.You won’t have to travel.Your mom can come or not.Start your own traditions.Good Luck in whatever you do.Hope you have a great Christmas

Great time to start new traditions with your own little family

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Do what makes you happy!!

Spend it at home with your littles ones! Drama free! That’s what we did… I have two boys and when they were little we had to travel on Christmas day to spend it with family but it was so miserable for the boys because they couldn’t enjoy there gifts…I know I know is family…but I much rather have happy kiddos comfy in pjs with cookies and hot cocoa…now my kiddos 13 and 7 we are looking forward to that day!..and for the rest of the family our house is an Open house for every one who wants to join us.

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Why not have it at your home . You could invite your brother . Maybe he doesn’t know how to host Christmas . You could show him . merry Christmas :christmas_tree:

I have the same issue except my mom is nothing but loving but is always late :roll_eyes: I’m just learning to go with the flow and not be stressed. But why doesn’t your brother come out to your place? It would be easier for him to drive instead of you packing up all your kids.

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Your kids are young , they deserve to wake up in their beds & open their presents in their house & to make them leave this, isn’t fair to them. In other words, stay home & have a Merry Christmas with your husband and kids :sunglasses:


Stay home and enjoy a leisurely Christmas morning with your little ones. Make a special breakfast, work on Christmas supper for your group after the gifts and snack on appetizers while you work on it. Watch a movie while things are cooking.

We’re several states away from both families, so unless we travel there for Christmas, this is what we do. I love it!


Why would you even consider subjecting your kids to all the family drama? Stay at home with your kids! They’re the family that matters most now.


you sound so lovely. Typically a mum putting everyone else first. Put YOU and family first. It is an important day you seem really organised and like I read, start a tradition. Who wants to drag their family up the motorway each year for disorganised chaos. you could do the best Christmas…take that opportunity and best of luck xxx

I say have it at your house forget all the drama if you want to then invite others you can I don’t mind traveling for Thanksgiving or in between then and christmas eve but Christmas eve and Christmas I don’t travel I like for my kids to be able to spend the day playing with their presents without having to pack and haul a lot actually most in our family are like that

I agree stay home and create traditions. They’re little. It’s not always about extended family. It’s about the one you create. Maybe cook at your home and invite the parents over. If they show they show if not just enjoy your day.


I think you know your answer… stick to the normal plan …you sound like you’re dreading it already and plus with kids holidays aren’t meant to be spent in the car maybe schedule a different day with your fam

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Can you have both families at your house?

Do what’s best for your family (you, hubby, kids). If that means staying home or going to in-laws, then do that. Don’t stress over the drama.

I’d just do it at home.

Stay home! Cozy Christmases create wonderful memories - being on the road in the middle of family drama does NOT!!!

Do what makes you happy! Forget the rest.

I refuse to spend my holidays on the highway - literally if it’s more then an hour I’m looking at I wont even bother. Do you! Make your girls happy and stay close to home. It’s so much less of a toll

Sounds like it’s best to go to your in-laws.

Spend it at home with just your immediate family. No senseless traveling needed.

Now that our LO is here, we made a vow to spend every christmas at home. We may travel on the break or the week before, but christmas day will be in our house, next to our tree, making memories and family traditions

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Girl wave off. Just do your thing.

Choose your happiness. Someone will inevitably end up miserable, don’t let that be your children. We used to travel all over for every holiday, and it was exhausting. We will split it into Christmas Eve and Christmas Day as much as we can, but with what works for use

If we want to visit family for Christmas, we do it on Christmas eve, but I spend Christmas at home with my daughters and husband. I will make a small Christmas dinner since it’s only 3 of us eating (my husband, teen and myself because my baby will be 8 months old for Christmas and won’t require a serving) I’ll make pudding pie (usually chocolate) and it’s just peaceful, which is how I believe Christmas should be. Peaceful. Don’t stress yourself out mama, put your family first and keep your sanity.


Can your brother meet u in the middle of the distance between the both of u? On Christmas Eve. :christmas_tree::gift:
Meet at a nice Restaurant and exchange Gifts. (Buy him pots + cookbook lol) :fried_egg::plate_with_cutlery::shallow_pan_of_food:
And spend Christmas Day with In Laws. :santa::christmas_tree::snowman_with_snow::gift:


Why not just spend the holidays at home with your husband? If anyone wants to come join y’all then so be it, but enjoy your time with the kids and avoid the hours wasted driving to/from visiting everyone else.

Stay home with your in laws

Stay home with your family and love it😁


It sounds like it is time to create some new traditions with you, husband and children. As we get older traditions begin to fade as everyone wants it their way. Maybe you could make up an h’orderve table and invite a few neighbors over for some visiting time. Make new memories that your kids can grow up and appreciate. If mom gets upset oh well. Your kids come first.


Stay home with your family

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You could always invite family to your place or just spend Christmas with your kiddos & hubby. Make it special. I wouldn’t go to your brothers if you have a gut feeling. Always stick to your gut!!!


Go with your heart. Do what’s best for your kids and your family. It sounds to me the best would be to stay home. Just think about it, tell your Mom firmly what you have decided then don’t let it bother you.

Your life, your kids

“Oh darn, we cant make it after all, hubby has to fly out and it just isnt enough time.”

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I know she’s your mom,but I personally would do christmas at home with the kids, and let your mom know that if she is expected to participate in a friendly and NICE manner. If she can’t then she need not come and you’ll take her gift to her at a later date. Believe me I know what it’s like to have a debbie downer at your family reunion.

I would just spend Christmas with your in laws or stay home with your family. We started staying home on Christmas once my daughter was born. It’s so much fun! We do movies, gifts and I cook dinner. We spend all day playing and enjoying each other. See if you can celebrate Christmas with your brother on a different day. It sucks when people can’t make plans and stick to them. It definitely makes for a stressful holiday

Why dont you just stay in your own home and start new traditions

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Time to start your own traditions with your children.

Do what you want to do. It’s your Christmas. Honestly, I would do something as a family with your two girls and partner. See how it works if that’s better than make that your Christmas tradition.

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Stay at home it is easier with kids and invite all to your house. Do the elephant game for a gift exchange for everyone invited.

Start your own tradition and do Christmas at your house, have your in-laws up, and make dinner. This way you have a plan and it’s easier for your husband the next day with work. Your going to end up fighting with your mother no matter what you do anyways.

Do your own thing and start a tradition on your own

Sounds like it would be perfect to host and send drama out your door if you need to. :slightly_smiling_face: No driving with little ones :slightly_smiling_face:

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Just stay home with your family if it’s too toxic to be with your extended family. Your kids are young, create your own tradition :heart:

Do what’s best for your family if you cancel notify in advance enjoy

I have 4 grandkids. I’ve always either spent the night or got there very early to watch them open their presents. Then we had brunch at my daughter’s house. When the kids got older I would have Christmas dinner at my house for everyone.

If you’re asking , you already know the answer.
Stay home. Don’t travel with a little one. Make your own traditions.

You already know the answer, now tell them youre not coming. Your family is first, period.


I would do christmas at home with the kids. Both my husbands parents and mine are divorced and I’m tired of doing the 4 christmases routine. So this year we are staying home and starting our own traditions. It’s not worth the stress and the kids can definitely sense it.

Christmas got to be too much traveling for us with 2 small children. We tried to split the day between my family and my husbands family but we were exhausted and cranky at the end of it. Last year we decided just to stay home with the kids. We spend thanksgiving with our families but Christmas Day we stay home and enjoy the day with our kids.

In-laws. It gives your husband time to rest.

Take care of your family first! You don’t have to put up with toxic people.

Since having kids I’ve decided we stay HOME on Christmas. We only travel 1 hour away to see my grandparents cause they’re in their 80s. Everyone else can come to us or wait til we plan something with the whole family. Don’t make your kids grow up and have the only thing they remember about Christmas be long car rides/fighting.

I do what is best for the kids… all that traveling with such little ones will be a pain.

Stay home our Christmas is not to bad inlaws we celebrate 1-2 weeks before Christmas then we do Christmas Eve at my mom’s with my nephew may not happen this year long story then we do our own Christmas day and dinner at my sister’s house usually my daughter and myself go and my husband stays home. This year will be a little different as my husband works at Wal-Mart so his work hours will be in consideration.

We do Christmas at home with our son. We want to see the look on his face Christmas morning. If our family want to come over they can but we’ve made it to where it’s at our house. Do your own thing. Make a new tradition for your family.

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Stay home and start your own family traditions with your children. Just explain your husband has to be back to work and it would just be to much on you both with two small children. And leave at that. Don’t discuss any further. You said yourself chances are your mom will create drama anyways.

Do your own thing. Start your own tradition. Why ruin the holidays when you know you can make it the best for the kids.

Yes i agree with Mavis your family comes first do what you want to do Christmas is not to be all worn-out family have a relaxing christmas

Have Christmas at your house. Invite them down and the in-laws over. Being home with my children was the best. You need to make your children and husband your first priority. Good luck and God bless.:revolving_hearts::revolving_hearts:

Start your own tradition in your own home.

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Keep it small, and stay home.

The drive alone would put you and your kids in bad moods and then you have to deal with the headache your mom may give, and being uncomfortable at your brother’s place with nothing to munch on or at his girlfriend’s house who you don’t know, being even more uncomfortable. You must have a very patient husband if he agreed to this.

Stay home and cook and spend it with your little family. We are staying home this year, I am cooking.

Why not stay home with your husband and your girls, invite your brother and his gf or go visit them before Xmas.

Do nothing it’s your decision if you want to go with your in laws but why can’t you have Christmas at your house … get everyone there and get them to take something towards cooking and have fun

Do what’s best for you! If that’s going to your in- laws do be it if it’s cooking dinner for your family and inviting everyone else over for dessert what treasure your holidays with your loved ones your girls are still young but it won’t be long until there not.

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Why not stay home with u family.

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Why dont you just stay home and do christmas with your kids and husband. Itll solve your problems

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Eh, find a nearby family friendly restaurant serving Christmas dinner and don’t cook. You just pay for two and let the kids eat part of your dinner.

Do whatever you want for the rest of the day. Maybe drive around locally and look at Christmas decorations, put up a little tree & decorate it if you haven’t already done so, bake cookies, open presents. Get kids instruments and let them play along as you teach them to sing carols—even the baby can say “Fa la la la la, la la la la.”
Or bundle up as the weather dictates & take a stroll around the neighborhood, or go to a park or playground.

Visit lonely people at a nursing home, shelter or hospital (arrange a time & specific people in advance unless there’s a group program you can join). As long as no one is sniffling (bring hand sanitizer anyway) sing songs, hand out pre-crafted ornaments or have the children color or put stickers on paper, fold it and you write a holiday message & your first names inside & hand them out. Or play plastic instruments with them and sing the resident or patient’s favorite holiday song (kids can hum, go “la la la” if they don’t know the tune). Just seeing children can bring so much joy.

Go to various church services even if you don’t have a faith. Many have mid-morning services & child care unless it’s a children’s service to begin with.

Or join friends vs. family for dinner & have fun at their house, or invite them to yours. Find single people or college students or military members who can’t afford to go home for Christmas and invite them to share the day with you: finding them room at the inn, so to speak.

Or go someplace fun that’s open & more local. I live in Virginia & people go to Williamsburg for example, or book a cabin in the Shenandoah mountains or go to a ski resort. The little ones might like snow tubing & an indoor pool, or if you have a Great Wolf Lodge that’s an option.

Just spending a night in a hotel can be exciting: there will be decorations, maybe a tree, steps to climb, vending machines, big beds (if you let them jump on the beds, make sure they know it’s ONLY at hotels), little refrigerators, long hallways to go up & down, elevators with buttons, ice machines, maybe a pool or porch or garden, a different bathtub, maybe a yummy breakfast.

Sounds like you should only meet your mom in public places where she may be less combative & it’s easier to pack up and go.

Or invite her to join you all for an activity where she has to move something besides her mouth: the Rec Center indoor pool, Chuck E. Cheese, the playground, a walk in the park, or baking cookies, putting up lights, taking a “Mommy and me” class (substitute dad and grandma can help, or just substitute grandma for “Mommy”). You may have to have two one-on-one times as there may be different classes for a one vs 2 to 3 year old. Swimming, creative movement, tumbling or nature center exploration are good choices. Or library programs like story time.

Or have get-togethers with fellow moms & their moms (kids’ grandmas) & spend time with someone else’s mom who doesn’t make you crazy. It counts as time with you and the kids, your mom has fun & may make new friends, & people who don’t have issues with her can keep her entertained so you don’t have to deal with her that much. Have drinks and snacks for kids & adults & stuff for the kids to play with (Nerf balls, simple puzzles, crayons & coloring books where the adults can also play with the children.

As long as your kids have you & your husband & something in a wrapped box to open & a sweet treat with a meal on Christmas, they’ll have fun. If you know your neighbors, invite the nice ones to drop in for a drink & cookies, or see if you can drop in on them to see their decorations and what Santa brought. Be thankful for your blessings and be sure to take a nap! :heart::green_heart:

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Do what you think is right. Sounds like it will be a fight either way.

Could you try hosting Christmas at your house? Invite your inlaws and brother?
In my family its almost a potluck type thing so no one is having to make and do everything by themselves?

I would stay home & just do your little family. Cook if ya want to tell people they can come by if they want. Dont go out of your way for anyone else. You your babies & husband are family enough. Good luck. I know what you mean about a family " not planning" can’t get along " just bull sh-- - when gathered together…lol…And a mom that likes the drama.

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How about u guys start making your own family traditions? Hubby and i do christmas day and old years day home. We bring in the new year in our own home . Christmas eve we do by my parents. Boxing day we do by his parents. Keep a balance that way all the while starting our own family traditions


Why not do your own thing for Christmas and start your traditions.


Too much traveling, stay home and do your own thing and actually enjoy the day .