QUESTION:
"My ex and I have two kids together, one of which I just enrolled in kindergarten. We are so so with a relationship with each other. We try to avoid each other as much as possible unless it's something to do about our children. Anyway, I just enrolled our five-year-old in kindergarten and asked if he could help me with some money to buy his school supplies and clothes, etc. I am unemployed because I just had a baby. I NEVER ask for money unless it's something very needed like this situation. He responds with, "No, I will get what he needs for school." And it really upset me because this is the first time I've dealt with sending a kid to school so far, and I wanted to be the one who gets the stuff. You know, mom excitement, I guess? Am I wrong to be upset and hurt? No, I'm not mad. He said no about giving me money, but it's more of the fact that it's a first-time thing for me, and he wants to do it instead. He works during the week and plans things on the weekend, so I'm almost positive he won't get anything our son needs before school starts."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Whoever wrote this post, your feelings are valid. It's ok to feel bummed u cant pick out ur baby 1st-time school supplies & worrying if the father will take care of it. I hear ya girl & its gonna be ok. Congrats on ur new baby! Everything is gonna work out. Best wishes."
"As long as your child gets the school supplies needed, be thankful. There are families that struggle with financially being able to buy supplies, much less clothing for school."
"get excited to buy that stuff too, and being the sole parent she is likely the one who will be packing the lunch/ containers and bags. As a mother id want to get that stuff too."
"Let him buy the supplies. If you really want to get supplies yourself, you still can. You can feel however you want, but let’s not forget that it’s dads first too.
Your wanting to get him school supplies is not more important than him wanting too."
"Maybe as a father he is excited too. Since you aren’t in a place financially, let him. You will get so many firsts that some fathers miss, let him have this one."
"Girl pick your battles wisely. Be happy you don't have to buy it. Kids are expensive and believe me you will be buying him stuff the rest of your life."
"I mean if you can't afford it, I'm not sure you have a say, as it's not your money buying it, he's providing for your child where you financially can't, which is actually a really good thing in my opinion."
"Can you go with him? Do you guys get along well enough, tell him you just don't want to miss out on that special first experience."
"On one hand, I get you wanting to be the one to do the school shopping…it's a nice memory. On the other hand, does it really matter who gets the supplies if your child has what they need? There will be many other "firsts" that you'll get to experience with your child. Be grateful that you have an ex that is willing to do for your child….there are a lot who don't have that….and look forward to the next "first" that you'll be part of."
"I want to say pick your battles but I know this is a tough one. Can you gently suggest maybe making a co-parenting day of it? Like you and the ex and the child going together to get supplies? If not that maybe you can get him something small from you, like a special change "purse" (for lack of a better term) for snack money or a special water bottle. Something he can associate with you. And congrats on your new baby."
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