I am upset I do not get to buy my sons first school supplies: Advice?

My ex and I have two kids together, one of which I just enrolled in kindergarten. We are so so with a relationship with each other. We try to avoid each other as much as possible unless it’s something to do about our children. Anyway, I just enrolled our five-year-old in kindergarten and asked if he could help me with some money to buy his school supplies and clothes, etc. I am unemployed because I just had a baby. I NEVER ask for money unless it’s something very needed like this situation. He responds with, “No, I will get what he needs for school.” And it really upset me because this is the first time I’ve dealt with sending a kid to school so far, and I wanted to be the one who gets the stuff. You know, mom excitement, I guess? Am I wrong to be upset and hurt? No, I’m not mad. He said no about giving me money, but it’s more of the fact that it’s a first-time thing for me, and he wants to do it instead. He works during the week and plans things on the weekend, so I’m almost positive he won’t get anything our son needs before school starts.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am upset I do not get to buy my sons first school supplies: Advice?

Maybe ask if you can go with? That way he isn’t giving you the money and you can still be involved.

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See if he’s ok with u going shopping with him so u both experience your kids first school experience.

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Tell him that. He doesn’t know unless you tell him that, or perhaps go together.

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Take him to court for child support.

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Go together he has just as much right as you do to be there for the first moments

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Just be happy the kiddo has supplies for school. You’ll get lots of “firsts”. In the scheme of things, this isn’t that big of a deal.

If it’s that big of a deal to you, save up some money to buy the supplies, they aren’t very expensive for kindergartners.

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I understand the feeling. My mother is the one who is constantly guilty of this. I’m sorry you have to deal with it. As much as it upsets me I try to look at it like my kid is taken care of and that’s all that matters.

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File for child support and then you don’t have to ask him and deal with him

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Maybe you can shop online and make a list? Or explain that to his dad and ask for the money

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It’s his first time to right? Lol you are exaggerating this situation…be happy he is helping. If he doesn’t get everything he needs them go get the rest…

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You wouldn’t be getting it anyway it’s his money you would just be shopping. Ask him if you guys can go together to pick things out.

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My ex refused to let me last year when my daughter on went to kindergarten so her and I went to get stuff and I donated to the class. Maybe you could take the kiddo and buy what you can then donate it to the class.

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You can feel however you want, but let’s not forget that it’s dads first too.
Your wanting to get him school supplies is not more important than him wanting too.

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Let him do it. Your child get what they need right. I have a 14 year old daughter. Never asked for child support payments. Just… please be there for the child. He helps with almost everything. Keep it peaceful

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If he gets it for his children… then let him

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Make him a list … I would kinda just tell him what you said with no hard feelings you just want to pick it out n all

Send him an Amazon list? Or Maybe on his pick up day you go shopping and have him meet you at the store when you’re done He pays for the stuff goes home with your son and you take the supplies to get ready for school.

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You are wrong for being upset about it. I wouldnt say anything be happy that he is helping with those things.

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It’s a first time thing for him too. This is the tough stuff to navigate with divorce. But also I hope he’s helping financially.

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I’d gladly accept not going if my kid’s dad was willing to pay for anything :woman_shrugging:

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I can see his worry; you using the money on things other than school supplies. If anything, make a walmart pick up list and send it to him with the items you want your child to have. This way, you and your child can sit down and choose items together and dad buys them

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As long as your child will have what they need i see no problem with it.

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He sounds like a jerk

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Omg get a grip. If he don’t pay or offer any other just let him or he won’t do it again smh or just go get a couple things after he does

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Just be thankful, there are a lot of dead beat parents out there

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Pick your battles. It’s also his first time. And you had to ask for money. If y’all can’t be civil then this is what happens. He did something good for his kid. Be happy. Now you don’t have to worry about it.

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Talk to him.

Ask him to split the list Or just tell him you think it’s a very sentimental milestone and maybe you should go together with child to pick it out?

Or just tell him what items you are going to get and let him get the rest.

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Hes paying for it. If you did it you still wanted him to pay for it.

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First world problems. :roll_eyes:

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It’s fine, just fine! I wish the other parent would buy the kids their school stuff! But I was determined to always be the the parent to buy their first of everything… now with teens - here we are wishing someone else would buy a little something! The kid isn’t going to care who bought what, just allow the child to be provided with the necessities and let them be excited for school and thankful they are able to start hopefully a normal year since the pandemic

Be glad…my ex husband helps NONE with supplies

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Buy extra. It is likely your child will need a refresh by Winter break. If not, donate the extra to the class stockpile. Buy the teacher’s wishlist instead.

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Go shopping together. Whether you like each other or not this is a first for both of you. Take a trip with just you dad and your son.

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Lmao what?
He has as much right amd its his money. Send him the list of what’s needed amd be grateful he’s willing to contribute. You can do the next kids supplies…

What does a 5yo even need for kindy? A lunch box? :rofl::rofl::rofl::woman_facepalming:

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Get the list from the school & get it to him … It’s more important that he’s willing to get the stuff than it is for you to do the shopping …

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Be happy and let him. Be thankful he wants to. Many many more years to buy supplies…. Trust me

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Its the fathers first time to why are you more important

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With this its one of them it is what it is as long as the kid gets what they need for school. I get it’s something you wanna participate in doing and he feels the same probably.

Ask for a gift card and get an estimate on how much the stuff will cost. Or send him the list on Amazon.

You people are funny :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:
If the relationship is good for the kids, go with him…both of you enjoy it and then go home. Simply put.

Just let him do it, in my experience, let him do it! The experience of buying everything for the first year is so small compared to the childs actual year in school. And don’t worry you have 12 more years to buy school supplies and they will need more through out the year as well.

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So, he is offering to pay, and shop.
It’s his child too. It’s his first time too.
Clearly ,if yall avoid each other then you can’t be civil to shop together.
Youre lucky he isn’t telling you to buy the stuff yourself.
Maybe, since you are home with a baby he is actually trying to show some kindness by taking this task off of your plate.
Let the your son and his father enjoy the time together.

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I understand the disappointment of taking them to get it, but being upset he is doing cuz you want to do it kinda seems childish to me.

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Just have him get a few basic things but KNOW that usually they give a list of random specific items on the first day of school.

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Get a list and tell him you wanna go with him you are excited about your child going to school.

If you dont agree with him providing things and you want cash then go to court and get a child support order

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At least he is offering to get the stuff…

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Yeah. I would have loved 50 cents from my kids father, let alone, going and getting everything. Be grateful, it could be a shit ton worse.

You should count yourself as lucky. My daughter enters 3rd grade this fall and she is still waiting on a pair of sneakers that her donor offered to buy her when she started pre-k 4 years ago. Not to mention, it’s his child as well as yours and it’s his first time doing the kindergarten thing also. If your son is enrolled in school in your district and you’re the primary point of contact for the school, just make sure dad knows when school starts and when the supplies/clothes are needed by. Have him take the kid with him so lil man can pick out what he wants. You have to remind yourself that situations like this aren’t about you or dad, they’re about the child. And you should never stop someone (anyone) from doing something for your child that you’re not able to do.

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Unfortunately I’ve gone thru this years ago my x would buy a set of everything for his house and I would buy for mine. Because they weren’t allowed to bring their stuff to my house. This included clothes, toys etc. It was not fun for my girls. So if need be reach out to organizations to see if they can help with some school supplies to have with you.

You’re mad that he won’t give you money to buy school supplies? Isn’t it the same thing if he buys the school supplies anyway?

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Plenty more years of school shopping to be done. No need for an argument. Just thank him and say ok I’ll sort next year’s :blush:.

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Maybe you can send him a list of things your child needs for school that way he can get them? Or do the shopping together? He probably just wants to know that’s definitely where the money will be going as unfortunately yes sometimes women do use child support for their own needs rather than their children, not trying to be be nasty or anything but it does happen

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Just be happy he is still helping you.

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Why don’t you get half and he gets half?

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Just send a specific list of what your child needs for school. Or ask if you can come along and explain that it is a special time for both of you. Tell him it is an important milestone that you both should share together and thank him for buying what your child needs. Gratitude can get you far in an iffy situation.

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Buying school supplies always gives me a headache. I wish dad would have said hey I got the supplies this year. It’s really a blessing. Make it fun, and when he drops off the supplies y’all go through them together, and pack the bookbag.

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As long as your child gets the school supplies needed, be thankful. There are families that struggle with financially being able to buy supplies, much less clothing for school.

Yes, it’s the first time, and you would like to be the one to get the supplies, but we don’t always get to do what we want. The important thing is that your child’s needs are met.

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I truly understand you! Just take some pressure and guilt off of you. Let him do it

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Yes, you are wrong and immature to even make this an issue! Stop being childish, let dad get what he can and you can supplement the supplies through out the school year. You were aware that the first day of school was coming, if it was that important to you, you could have saved up or hit up the Dollar store. Don’t create issues to be upset about, it affects your children.

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As someone with a child who’s father does not do anything extra, be grateful. If my sons father said he wanted to get his school supplies I would jump on that opportunity. I feel like your upset over nothing.

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So what if he wants to do it. Let him do it…and you do what u can …

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How about making a list of what he needs and you take half and he takes the other, that way their is no duplicates and you both get the “first”.

Sorry but how old are you :flushed: this the most radiculous post iv read in a long time. Send him a list of what is needed for yours and his child. And then maybe keep some money aside so you can go with your child to choose home a lunchbox of his choice and some wellies, that’s really all the child will care for anyway tbh and your child gets the best of both worlds without any of this pettyness. It’s really very simple​:see_no_evil:

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I’m sure he’ll forget something. You can pick out what he forgets or you can get him more personalized items.

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I feel it! Strange enough, buying school supplies is one of my favorite things.

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So you upset you are not going shopping for supplies? It was not about the money since you asked him so technically he’s buying it.

Umm it’s crayons and such… here the PTO buys all the supplies for kindergarten, you just buy a back pack

there’s usually a reason a parent won’t give the other cash. most of the time it’s because it won’t be spent on the child. be thankful he’s getting your child the needed supplies.

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Accept the help and go together OR allow him to pay and you go get it

Maybe he doesn’t trust you to do the right thing with the money. At least he is helping. I’d just make sure he had the list provided by the school/teacher.

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You can’t do it…He can.

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Maybe see if you can go shopping for the stuff together?

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Dads have the same excitement too. Stop being selfish

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Probably was a horrible baby m a.c ma

Tell him that you would like to go too. He doesn’t know how you feel or what’s important to you unless you tell him. My husband grew up with only having a dad, so sometimes things like this I may not think of as a big deal, but he does. He wants to be there for everything like his dad was.

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Is it possible to ask if you could meet him at the place as this is an experience you were looking forward to with y’all’s child since it’s a first?

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I mean, think of it as at least he is helping. Some of us don’t have that. And since I’m sure you will be the one to bring him to school be excited about the first day. That’s the most important one. Try to find excitement in the other firsts that are going to accompany his first day.

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It’s a first for both of you so just do it together :woman_shrugging:t2: make a day of it, take kiddo to the park, out to eat etc make it a special memory for all of you. Honestly it’s not even a big deal trust me it’s exciting the first time but my oldest is in 5th… it’s lost it’s appeal :rofl:

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I feel you girl. It’s legit. Everything is a power trip from now on.

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Hugs while I totally get you feel like you are missing out on the experience of buying them with ur little buddy the first time let him buy the supplies and maybe y’all go out and get a new back pack or something that way you still get some of the experience.

Why don’t you get a couple of new school only outfits and some shoes instead? Or get a couple of extra items in case he runs out?

See if you can go with him and if not, trust me, there will be so many other firsts that you’ll be there for that his dad won’t, so let his dad have this one.

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Is it a first time thing for him too? Maybe you could do it together

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Obviously you don’t know how expensive school shopping is!!! You should be happy !

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You should honestly be happy he is willing to help without complaining about it. Considering so many guys this day and age wouldn’t. But maybe ask if you guys could go together. Explain to him what it means to you and why you want to be apart of it. Make it day thing. Maybe take the kids to lunch or something. My parents split when I was in 7th grade. We still did family stuff together. 28 years old and still do. They get together for family dinners and birthdays, we’ve even done vacations together as a family.

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My oldest is in 4th grade her dad has never bought them anything for school ever not from prek up. Take the blessing. It’s supplies it’s not all that it’s all the same pencils and crayons and glue.

I mean honestly that’s why coparenting is so important. I think because it’s his money & maybe he feels the same way that he wants to be part of the experience that he should be able to take him shopping. Idk what your situation is & why you guys don’t get along but if it’s possible maybe try working on that coparenting relationship so you guys can do things like that in the future. Otherwise I do think it’s unfair to be upset that he didn’t just give you the money to do it when he can just as easily do it himself. Especially if you guys don’t have a good relationship.

Doesn’t the school send a list of what is needed for supplies?

Give dad the list or ask him to get half of the list and you get the other half

It wouldn’t bother me in the least to not be tasked with school shopping tbh

My daughter’s father takes her shopping for first sometimes and sometimes I do. …she’s going to be 13 on Monday…trust me there will be more firsts for you to experience try not to hyper focus on something so small :relaxed:

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Why don’t you just take him out for his backback and lunchbox? Kids don’t care much about the rest anyway.

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Im not sure why you are upset… maybe he wanted to do it as well. You asked him to help and he came through. Its not really fair for you to just want him to be the money aspect of it. Had you asked to shop together for it, things may have sorted out differently.

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You get your own supplies and keep them at home. They will bring work home and won’t send home the supplies. You need your own set

There are places that give school supplies.

My ex asks me for money outside of my monthly child support to him for our daughter , and I ask what our daughter needs and I’ll pick it up.

It’s a first time thing for him too…?

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Maybe you could ask if you can go together

I mean… it’s a first for him too. He should just send money and miss out himself?

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Br grateful hes willing to buy everything. You said youre unemployed bc of a new baby. Thats a good $100 plus bucks youre saving and him helping you out. Your kid has 12 yrs to go. Say thank you.

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