I can t stand my husband anymore and I don't know how to get back into the relationship, advice?

This question was submitted anonymously by real people looking for real advice. Please be mindful with your responses. No bashing or derogatory comments will be tolerated.

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Mine drives me crazy sometimes, I don’t completely trust him when it comes to his phone because it has caused issues in the past and sometimes I resent him for it. He’s been there for me through so much crap, we lost both our parents in a matter of 4 years, he’s broken my heart a lot but in the end of it all we still have found ways to fix it, to spark things up be more open with each other. If the love is there even just a little bit, communication is key, don’t be afraid to try new things together. If you’re still arguing about things that’s good because it means its worth fighting for and when you’re no longer fighting then it’s time to leave

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Hard to believe that you could love him so much then boom he is someone you hate. Remember he did this to you and its been there for a while now.
Ask yourself is it worth fixing? Will thing change? Is it worth spending money in getting help to try fix it? Because it will NEVER be the same. He probably killed your feelings for him himself and that says a lot about him.

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I can guarantee posting it on Facebook will not help the situation. I don’t mean to be critical, but unless you are DONE, you might want to try something more private like couples counseling, talking to your clergy, individual counseling… especially if the communication has broken down between you. Posting marital problems is only going to make the divide greater. I do know that.

Probably need to start by figuring out why you feel this way and work on yourself and communicate the issues with him. He can’t fix anything if your don’t communicate it and until you address the issue with yourself, you can’t communicate it effectively.

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I would highly recommend looking into why you can’t stand him? Is it REALLY him? Happiness is very much an inside job - it starts WITHIN YOU and until you are happy with yourself…no one or anything will be “good enough.” Look very intensely into WHY you are unhappy with him. I obviously don’t know your situation and maybe you have every right to be unhappy…but I just encourage you to look inside yourself first and maybe go to counseling by YOURSELF before you call it quits or divorce. Life isn’t easy for any of us and we all have a story. I encourage you to keep that in mind as you experience these feelings/thoughts. I wish you the best and I hope you can come out better in the end…no matter what the outcome. :heart:

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Some will say divorce and about 2 years ago so would I. But, I was in this spot 2 years ago. I literally thought I’d be perfectly fine if he left and I got to the point of hating his guts, hated the way he breathed and most importantly I couldn’t stand to hear his voice. He could feel it and asked me how we could fix it and I told him I didn’t want to fix it. However, we have a 6 year old special needs daughter so I didn’t leave right away and it slowly just got better and better. Is it a perfect marriage? No. Do I still have feelings of giving up? Yes, rarely. But I literally told myself, you are stuck here and there’s something you can do to make this more bearable, do it. I became nicer and so did he.

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You can’t stand him Lol? That’s not really fair to him… end it. I did, and we’re both happier and still great friends. I’m all for breaking up. People call divorce such a dirty word, sometimes it’s the way to go :zipper_mouth_face:

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Depends on so many factors, but if you both want to stay in the relationship, start by sitting down and talking it out. Do some self reflection and figure out what you’re missing and what’s making you feel that way. Set aside time to be together as often as possible, at least once a week, no distractions, talk to each other. Do nice things for him, I cannot stress this enough. Every single day, find something nice you can do for him: pick up his favorite candy bar while you’re out, give him a back rub, make his favorite dinner, volunteer to go do something he likes etc. Don’t do the same thing all the time Bc then it’s not special, and don’t expect anything in return. You will find yourself subconsciously thinking of him in a better way and thinking of nice things you can do. Hopefully he will pick up on it too and appreciate those things and start doing them for you as well. Relationships have ups and downs, you don’t always feel hot and heavy and madly, deeply in love and that’s ok. The best part of being in a long term relationship is knowing it’s ok that it’s not always like that and knowing you can work anything out together. Good luck!

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One thing I don’t understand is why everyone is blaming the husband? We don’t know the situation or what went on or wrong. Best thing is to tell him how u feel and go from there

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Being with someone for a long time can get boring and annoying. I’ve been with my husband 15 years. Yes sometimes he annoys me, sometimes I don’t want to be around him. I simply tell him why he bugging me and if he continues I get away from him and have me time. I hope it’s a rut you are in. They have these books for dating your spouse. Something lit that fire once it’s just time to find that spark again

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Maybe don’t tell him you can’t stand him🤷🏼‍♀️…start trying new things together. Go somewhere as a family that you’ve never been. When you’re around the same person all the time odds are youre gonna get on each other’s nerves at some point. Get out of your daily life and enjoy a fun day together away from home. Try to make a habit of going somewhere new together once a week.

I was in your shoes not to long ago I was going to go to college and do something with my life and better either my life by myself or with my husband, it was the love and understanding I got from him through my schooling that made me fall madly in love with him again don’t give up soon try counseling or see if there is a new something that can help you two rebuild the love.

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Make a list of everything you liked/loved about him in the beginning. Why did you marry him? That kind of thing. Now look at each thing and answer if it’s changed and why? Sometimes people quit doing things because they get too comfortable or lazy, other times it’s because the partner doesn’t react in a way that shows appreciation or other positive feedback. Then communicate communicate communicate. What makes you happy? What makes you feel loved? How do you show love? Is it in the way your partner needs to feel loved?
Marriage is complicated. Mines had a lot of low points and we nearly quit more than once but we didn’t and I’m glad. Some days I’m not happy but I’m joyful. Happiness to me is connected to what’s happening and sometimes that’s just garbage. But I know I love him and he loves me and that is a joy that doesn’t change with the day to day happening.

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Relationships are only as good as the work you put into them. They are NOT effortless and require time and attention.
Everyday life easily takes over and daily stress has a way of bringing out the worst in us sometimes. You must remember life is full of peaks and valleys, sometimes we are on top.of the world and other times we are in the lowest spot we could imagine but if you are committed to putting in the work and facing your flaws, you can come through the other end. Divorce should be the last resort, what you do after you have tried everything (really honestly tried everything with your whole heart) and still can’t make it work.

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You know what? Stop and look at yourself. You can’t change anyone or anything else. No one is responsible for your happiness. You will start to be angry and resentful if your not happy about you. So fix you then reevaluate the whole thing. Mindset is half of it.

Ever think that maybe he might feel the same? And its probably you and you need to work on yourself. I once got asked this ? Is he the same guy you married does he treat you the same act the same yes we all grow but is he still man you fell in Iove with if yes then its you that needs help and your unhappy with yourself and until you find what you need your never going to be happy. Hard lesson the grass is rarely greener on the other side.

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Therapy, spice things up in the bedroom, take time apart, take a vacation, practice some self care, if you’re considering divorce i suggest a trial separation for a month or so before making a more permanent decision if you think it is something you may end up regretting later.

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Somedays me and my husband love each other because Jesus says we have too. But we talk it out. The only person you can change is you be the person u want him to be. Give it every effort you have so you know u did all u could.

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My husband and I were together 22 years with 4 kids. The last 2 years I was absolutely miserable. We did try but we weren’t the same people we were in the beginning. We divorced and are both in new relationships and it was the best thing for us. Everyone is different. Do what’s best for you.

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We just went on an “alone” vacation. No kids, friends, nothing but us. We acted like we used to and it was so fun and nice to reconnect…

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Hunny reach deep down into your soul.ask yourself do you really love him. Does he still love you? or is your mind playing tricks on you. Do he belittle you does he make you feel worthless does he still compliment you. do he tells you he loves you does he call you on his lunch break does he still buy you flowers does he tell you you’re beautiful?do you both sit down and talk about wat bothers you?do yall talk at all.is it always a screaming match do yall agree to disagree do you still go on dates does he open and closes doors for you? If most of these questions are yes .then save you’re marriage. Go to counseling .I’ve been married for 30 years and we work out what ever trails and tribulations we have. I absolutely love and adore my husband. He’s still the same gentleman that I met in 1991. Pray go to church if possible talk to God.talk to you’re husband. Divorce isn’t a option. Only if its toxic abusive or you have grown apart. Everyone deserves happiness.find your happy place and live life to the fullest. After all its you’re life do wat makes you happy. It’s a decision only you can make.

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I unfortunately was in the same situation and after 20 yrs we are getting a divorce. We are still friends and have a son together I just started a new relationship ( no judging please) he has moved in and it’s amazing . Good luck and I hope you find your happiness

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Also, another couple we’re friends with had a bad couple of seasons with their marriage too, almost quit after 33 years. Their pastor gave her a copy of The Love Dare and recommended they watch the movie Fireproof. She read the book and followed it to the letter. Fixed their marriage … they were like newlyweds again.

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Why cant you stand him? Betrayal? Get real honest with yourself and him…

Counseling. Its easy to fall in love,and hard to stay there. It takes work. Every couple has there moments . The best thing you could do for yourself, your husband and your marriage. Is go to counseling

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My man and I broke up and I found out he was legit just talking to another and honestly realized I wasn’t over it. We’re the most solid we’ve been since the puppy dog stage 🤷

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Something I was told that stuck. Walk towards God, and he should to. At the end of it you’ll meet up by God’s side.

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Make it fun again! People fall into a routine… marriage doesn’t last 50 years without a fight. Look at him and remember why you fell in love with him and what attracted you to him. :heart::crossed_fingers::hugs:

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Sometimes we have to analyze ourselves to see what’s the problem and then see what solution there is to fix to it and please don’t be offended

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Well this is vague…I would prob suggest individual therapy first with an emotional behavioral therapist. But … couples counseling could work…if he is up for it

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I’m not sure how you got to this place, but some of the best advice I can give anyone is couples therapy. Even if it’s not something that y’all are able to workout couples therapy help you/y’all figure that out as well.

Been together 7 years been married for 44 years. We have so much love for each other.

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True love is forgiveness and forgiveness and forgiveness. If its meant to be it will.

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When was the last time you went on a date? Reconnect regularly

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Amazing to me how many people are full on blaming the husband and jumping right to divorce. Sad that so many choose the easy option and just give up. A happy long term marriage takes work. My husband and I have been married 22 years, and no it hasn’t been easy or perfect. We’ve both at different times even been and felt as you describe. Communication is key and I totally agree with Tessa Villagrana that you need to work together, hold on when the other is struggling. Our last child is graduating soon and we’ll finally be able to focus on getting back to when we had fun and our relationship was easier. Good luck and have faith that you’ll find your happy place again.

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There’s a great book called The proper care and feeding of husband’s. I highly recommend it. I’m about to celebrate my 16th wedding anniversary at the end of the month

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A marital retreat or couples counseling, but you would both want to make your marriage work. Good luck in making a decision whether to stay or go, it’s never easy.:pray:t2:

Tell God how you feel and ask him to help you love your husband like he does. I’ve been there. It will get better but it will only be temporary unless you focus on God. Praying your marriage mends.

Sometimes it helps to remember why you started dating, why you got married.

The grass is greener where you water it.

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Every marriage has ups and downs. It’s normal to feel stale or out of sinc… you need to self reflect, change things up and make an effort to remember that you’re on the same team. When I say you I mean as a couple. It’s never just one person and I found myself being very selfish and self centered when we hit a rough patch… we have to be honest with ourselves too!

Take a long drive and talk. Doing it at home doesn’t work as well you need to be away from distractions. I sat in court ready to leave my 10 year marriage I prayed to God to help me and when our names got called I threw it all out and we started over. Been 2 months and at times we start to fall into a rut again and have to catch ourselves but we are making it. Good luck

Therapy. I know you might think it’s overrated but you need it together and probably apart.

go to counseling together as a start?

How bout some couples counseling and not posting on social media for advice :joy:

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Sit him down and you guys should have a very real conversation
Communicate
Let him know what you want for the relationship and hear him out for he wants also
Communication is power

Start dating each other again .

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Divorce him.

Get your individual therapy on.

If he has toxic or narcissistic characteristics, therapy along with him will only make a bad situation worse.

It sounds like you already know the answers to your questions and you’re looking for validation.

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Well what made you 2 fall in love

Find a common interest or hobby and rekindle the friendship first.

Im at the same dilema!

Ask yourself how he views you? Remember to be Grateful. Did you just jump to a list of complaints tho? I bet he would too. Think again. He was made with purpose. See your value and see his value. That adds up when it’s put together… God Bless.

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People fall in and out of love all the time. Life happens. You cant force yourself to love someone. You have two choices.

  1. Stay in a unhappy marriage with a man you dont love because it’s convenient and easier than starting over on your own.
    OR
  2. Take a risk and get divorced, embrace the unknown, start fresh and build a new happier life.
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Take a girls vaca! :kissing_heart: You prolly deserve it. Won’t solve you problem but come back with a clear mind and a new positve mind set, remember why you fell in love. Reach out to him, then just you two take trip.

Schedule some alone time once in a while where it’s just you two, plan something for you two to do, drive around, go to a movie, do activities or games you two can do together. You are retrying to find that connection. Schedule some of the same stuff you did while you were dating

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You need to figure out why you feel the way you do and talk to him…both need to work at it and make necessary changes

Get out of it. Once you lose respect that’s it.

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Tell him why u don’t like Him anymore and what the problem is. Talk and see if there is a way to fix it and if u can’t after communicating, move on.

Split up a for while if you can.

You need to decide you WANT to be in the marriage or not. If you want to stay then take some time to rediscover eachother and build your relationship up again.

Maybe some time apart would help keep things in perspective on both sides.

Why do you hate him?

cut ur losses and move on

Tell him how u feel, get therapy…if u can’t fix it after that divorce

I told my husband, if he pushes me enough. I’ll quietly leave. My only warning. When I find it to be enough, I’ll be gone. Will never see me again. I’ll change my name too. Don’t care if you don’t know

:grimacing:all the “divorce him” comments…look, a marriage is hard work. My wife and I went through a rough spot(we slept in different rooms, didn’t speak, etc), I discovered on my own that part of our issues were communication, and part a lack of understanding on both our parts. I worked my ass off to be a better husband, and she did her part as well. Talk about it, men are idiots when it comes to hints, but if you’re direct, and there really is love there, it can be worked out. BTW the rough.patch was 12 years ago next month, and have been married for 22 years

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If you cant stand him why do you want to be in a relationship with him

Marriage vows isn’t until someone gets on your nerves its thru good and bad go on a trip or something take a few days away its ok to take breaks

The love dare…

Get you a side dick!!!

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I’ve got two pieces of advice for you.
First, I was told a long time ago that you know you are in love with someone when you can’t picture life without them. I was in my very early 20s when that was said to me and I really didn’t understand it until the last couple ofyears (I’m 41). I cannot fathom not seeing my husband everyday…even on days that I can’t stand him. I always want to know he’s there. You should reflect on how you feel about your husband. That will tell you a lot about the potential of making it work.
Secondly, I have been married for almost 17 years. We almost got divorced about 12 years ago. He worked nights, I worked days, we had 2 little kids, I was stressed and we never saw each other. I could have easily blamed him and I did at first. But then I realized that if I wanted him to try harder and treat me a certain way, I had to do the same. And as I already mentioned, I can’t go without seeing him everyday. He makes me laugh over the dumbest shit and other times he pisses me off. But I wouldn’t trade him for anyone.

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Pray about it, have God in your marriage

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Follow your own happiness.

Sounds like my situation. Just emotionless. Seems the very sight of me or sound of my voice just makes her sick or annoyed. Is what it is. All I know is I love her with all my heart.

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Sometimes it’s a phase. I noticed that when menopause hit hard, everything he did got on my nerves. I threatened divorce every other day. Now that I feel ok, I like him … most of the time :laughing:

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I think you have to communicate your feeling first and for most communication or lack there of can be a relationship breaker for sure just tell him how you are feeling and see if there is something you can do together to fix it

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I wouldnt leave i felt the same way and I am an impulsive person. I leave or change everything about my life when I feel like that. I dont try to figure it out and I left my husband 13 yrs ago and look back and say it really wasnt that bad. I think about what I had and where I am now. I think everyone goes through this and you always think you can do better. So only you know how much you cant stand him and for what reasons. I should of stayed. He was my best friend

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Contact a marriage counselor, even if he won’t go, go alone for your own benefit.

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Couples therapy and remember that a marriage waxes and wanes. I used to care for an older lady who is celebrating her 50th wedding anniversary this year. She has told me there have been 5 separate years where the entire year she felt very unhappy and wanted to get a divorce but checked her own feelings, talked to her husband and toughed it out. Sometimes it required space (spending time apart during free time not living separately) and sometimes it required reconnecting with a vacation or counseling. It is not easy and requires you to not give up when you’re kind of sick of each other. It’s corny but it’s basically just deciding to “choose that person and keep choosing that person”.
Of course this does not apply to things like horrible abuse (mental physical sexual etc) but for the average marriage is a good ideal

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Sometimes it is a case of imagining you will have a super happy life without him, but the truth is you could be fantasizing. The reality may be that he is a good man for you. Counseling and time might be what you need. Might help both of you to renew the spark.

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Just start walking around the house half naked, that will bring him back to life…:wink:

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Maybe tell your husband and not the internet🤷🏻

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Sometimes single is better

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My opinion…once the love is gone, it’s hard to get it back. Too many spoken words killed it. Be careful what you say or how you act. These things cannot be erased.

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Could come from the added stress of this past year…it is not normal to be forced into seclusion

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For me once it was gone, it never came back. Stayed in a loveless marriage too long. Much happier single. Hope you find your answer.

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Give it to God and get some spiritual counselling. Pray for him.

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Break out your wedding pictures and go through them… I wish I had :disappointed_relieved:

Pray about it, it worked for me!
Just had our 47th!

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Try talking to your husband. Instead of telling the world …it should be kept between the 2 of u

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Marriage counseling.

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You should probably try talking to him about it.

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I’ve been married 40 years. I’ve hated my husband for 20 of those. Not consecutively.

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this is a LOT more common than anyone thinks.

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Look at all these idiots in the comments, taking this seriously with their passionate suggestions.

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Hey if those feelings have left then they are gone and going to a marriage counselor can’t bring them back. Sometimes it’s just better to accept the loss and move on. You could literally waste countless years and still leave the relationship.

Take a trip by yourself

Get off Facebook and work on your relationship.

Make a choice to love uour husband everyday! Go to counseling! Pray that God will open your heart. If he’s abusive… get out!!!

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