Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I can't handle much more of this
I have no advice but damn that must be hard. prayers are with you!
Are they all like that? Or learned behavior from the oldest? I’ve been there( don’t get me wrong my kids are pretty good) but I have had my days and stents of OMFG! If I’d have acted this way, my mom would have beat the brakes off me! And honestly, that’s half the problem is you can’t discipline your kids … like at all, with out having to worry about DCS! I’m not saying beat them, but to give us NOTHING to be able to do! That’s not right! Time outs and taking this away or whatever sometimes just don’t cut it! I could go on and on! If you ever wanna just vent… message me! I’m sure there will be haters saying… times out and take away this etc but … I get it!
Gotta put the fear of God in them early on.
I went through this with my oldest. After the state locked him up for 8 months he was and is a totally different kid! If you need someone to talk to feel free to message me! Being a mom is the toughest job there is. And if someone tells you it’s not they are lying! Good luck Momma!
Prayers momma. I have one like this, I also have one that’s a smartass 24/7
Take everything away from them leave them with a bed and blankets and seven outfits. No cell phones nothing. DCYF can’t say anything they have a bed and clothes and food. Let them learn the hard way
I would take everything away besides a bed and a cover for each.
This sounds so tough. I was a prob child too. Diagnosed as adult. I prob should have been institutionalized at teenager. Might be unpopular opinion but quit tip toein around issues. If need more hospital time let it happen even tho it sucks. Is better to get their head straightened out before the dominates them as grown ups and they get fired/go to jail
Send them off to scared straight I have heard great success stories with kids who get a reality check.
I wish I could come help you whoop some ass. Too bad tho honestly, this was shocking to read. I couldn’t imagine. I don’t beat my kids, but my son knows discipline. He gets his tushy tapped every now and then. This whole new way of parenting “gentle parenting” “letting the child choose” … they need structure and order, not choices and people catering to their every need.
Get cameras for inside so that you can show DHS how they really are.
I feel like I was reading about myself…
Honestly take them to the local police station and do the scared straight program. Or boot camp desperately time desperate messaures. I was off the walls and my mom threatened that I straighten up quickly
I’m not sure it can be fixed, that ship sailed when they were little. A stint in military school might help, don’t threaten to send him away unless you mean it, then do it. The time to nip it in the bud is the first time they’re a smart ass or sass you. Don’t laugh at them, get in their face and draw the line in the sand. I told my kids that I wouldn’t stand for any disrespect, yelling at me, talking back to me was disrespect, I wouldn’t stand for it with any other adult. Parents tend to laugh when they’re little stinkers and sass machines and wonder what happened, you let it happen.
Unpopular opinion probably, but my oldest was like this. (He’s 12 almost 13) He is diagnosed ADHD, and since he’s started medication he’s a brand new kid! He struggled A L O T with impulsiveness, and that is behavior. My 10 and 11 year old daughters are also diagnosed and medicated with/for ADHD, and you can definitely tell when they miss their meds.
I know a lot of people will say that it is over diagnosed, but it’s really not. What you described was my life as well, to a t. My life and theirs is so much better now. It doesn’t zombie them, it allows their brains to function on the level that it needs to. It’s something to talk to their doctor about.
I hope that everything gets better, and please feel free to reach out with any questions!
This is why you teach them when they are young. Not wait until you can’t handle them to try.
I’m so sorry this is the hardest time I’m having a hard time too
I know a kid who did the boot camp thing and then had to move out of his parents’ house when he was sixteen. I don’t really remember how we met him but he came to live in our guest house after he moved away. We live on a farm in the middle of a forest. He told us boot camp was the best thing for him, as well as getting out of his house. He admits it wasn’t his parents, it was him making bad choices. He’s a great young man now in his early 20s. We got him working on our farm, paid him a salary, fed him, and let him stay. He finally grew up enough and moved in with someone else and has a great job. He’s done really well for himself. He has a good relationship with his family and thanks his dad for sending him to boot camp and getting him the help he needed.
Boot camp …make or break time
Spare the rod, spoil the child.
Not enough time outs , and old fashioned ass woopens
No dear. U not wrong it sound like your children are being spoilt or influenced by the wrong people. U take away privileges. U are providing the home, meals, laundry, utilities etc u don’t like my rules there’s da door. Wen u I in ur home n paying 4things den u will know wat the worth of ur parents. U have options of installing cameras in ur home. If they threaten u wid the tell bring da law n let dem see the footage of the child behavior. Don’t let dem get u threatening u wid taking Der life. Dats not on
Be careful with the institutionalzing them. I did 13 times before I was 15 and I learned more bad stuff and destructive behavior than I ever would have in the regular world. Those places are also focused on making profit, not so much the kids they’re trying to help. I’ve seen other patients go through SA, physical abuse, emotional abuse, all from the hands of the counselors and orderlies who are supposed to be there to help. Good luck.
You was to easy on them when they were younger
As a mom and group member here I am so glad to see others encouraging her and giving her options than bashing her. My heart breaks and is something most households face and no where to turn. Hugs
I’m guessing spanking wasn’t a part of their childhood? Or maybe u thought talking through it would work
I am so sorry, This really sucks & I can understand why you don’t want to be there, But you need to understand this isn’t your fault, no matter what happens, And if they are still with you when they hit 18 & done with school, kick them out. I know this sounds horrible, but kids that have a’problem’, no matter what, will use the ’ I am so sorry mommy I won’t do it again’ 'Please mommy I am so sorry" They really know how to manipulate you to get away with all the bad things they are doing & will do. And all that will happen is you being broken down again & again & again. And taken things away from them now, they will just steal more & more from you & when they can’t anymore, then it’s other family members or neighbors. And taken them to the police station also won’t work, especially since they have been attitudinized before & seen the counters & all that hasn’t work, the police station to ‘scare them straight’ also isn’t going to work. I would say meds, but I am sure they would take them & flush them down the toilet & all that would be is costing you more & more every month, I really am so sorry you are deal with this
So sorry you are going thru this you dont say the ages of the kids .There behaviour is unacceptable u have a right to have a peaceful life and if picking up more hours at work help then you carry on. Leave the systems out of it because you say they are playing the systems start taking things away from then that they really like It seems to me that they need to be reminded of whom the parent is here. Good luck
That’s what happens when the government gets involved raising your children. Back in the day they would’ve been carried behind the wood shed . It’s better than a prison or raising a disrespectful adult to a criminal.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but I can’t help but ask what their childhood was like? Was there a lot of trauma? Were they seeing things they shouldn’t have & behavior they shouldn’t of? Did you have anger issues of your own? I don’t think you are at fault entirely, I just also know that behavior is learned. Outbursts are for a reason. Behavior is all for a reason. To have not one but all of them behave so extreme they’ve been through the system like that… is concerning & let’s me know maybe there are many details of their life missing here. I know you are doing all you can, and I hope you find the right help for you and them which tells me you are on the right path. hang in there.
When did you start disciplining them?( taking their favorite toys or electronics, restricting them from going places, giving them chores to do, grounding them) Authority should of been established at a young age (3+) so when they do hit pre teen or teenage they already know what will happen if they act up but Im only going off of my own experience and what I did with my own children and bonus children! Seems like they’ve been given too much leniency and are now taking advantage of that fact
Unfortunately it’s the new way for kids and you can’t do much except hope that the court will put them in juvenile but it will cost you. It sucks when you raise them to be better than what they are doing. Kids know how to break your heart the worst.
Sign them over to CPS! Let them go live at one of them foster homes where they don’t a f*ck about the kids just the money…
Boot camp, Boarding school Or maybe something similar? I’m sorry you’re going through this! I wouldn’t know what to do either… I definitely would not give them ANY privileges though. No phones, games, nice things not even a coloring book. School, chores, eat and in your room ALL day until you have to do it again the next day. Good luck!
I’m sorry. One of the hardest lessons I learned as an adult is that you can never force another person to do what you want. You can ask, beg, threaten, punish, and prohibit, but at the end of the day they will make their own choices.
Sounds like oppositional defiance disorder (odd)
Turn them over to dcfs then go live your life.
Does your community have a scared straight type program with the jail? I’d definitely look into something like that and start making them do some kind of community service. Are they involved in any team activities (team sports can teach a lot of responsibility and discipline…it’s about to be soccer and base/softball season). Lastly if none of this helps I’d look into a boot camp or military style private school (they have scholarships available too at most).
It sounds like family therapy may be needed. You keep saying they do this and they do that. But nothing about what steps you’ve taken to fix the situation. As a parent iI w up to you to try and figure out to reign in their behavior. Maybe they’re just trying to get attention from it children crave any attention negative or positive. Try looking for a family therapist for everyone in the family to work out their issues to try and cohabitate peacefully
Empty their bedrooms. Put everything outside and send then to boot camp.
Take away EVERYTHING. They get a bed, cover and 3 or 4 outfits. Nothing else. Stop buying their favorite snacks and drinks and replace those with water and saltine crackers and the stuff for PBJ’s. Start cooking meals you know they dislike. Start making their lives a little less comfortable and they just might realize some things.
My son is in a severe behavioral program in Texas. I drive him Monday thru Thursday 8-12 and work with him everyday at the center for an hour doing “Parent training”. With a behavioral therapist, my son and staff. It has helped so much. My point is…. There is a book called “The Power of Positive Parenting” that is REQUIRED reading for parents of children in the program. I thought it was a joke with a name like that…. and was like “Oh Lawd is this my life?!!!” But the book is an amazing book and it’s not a feel good magic fix it all. But a way for people like us to changed the environment of our homes. Which changes their behavior. I would say give it a chance….
So, wait? Your kids can have behavioral issues and you can just send them away?? Wow
When I was a therapist the most difficult children were always the ones who had unresolved trauma. You may not be aware of any trauma but it might be worth a heart to heart.
Look into Missouri Military Academy. They’ll learn plenty of discipline if they have decent grades and can be accepted
Military school? I know it sounds harsh, but my best friends brother went when he was young & causing trouble. It completely turned his life around.
I feel like kids these days act and are so entitled… its crap
If you can afford it, military school. If not and they’re 16 or older, job corps
If they threaten suicide then you can 302 them ! After they are released, send them to a scared straight program or boot camp ! Thus has got to be horrible living like this ! My heart goes out to you.
It sounds like ODD. Something very hard to get diagnosed because of how new it is. All the suggestions above will make someone with ODD laugh and cause more harm. As someone who grew up with a sibling with it, I understand your difficulties. If your state has something similar to a CHINS order, that will help the child(ren) get into a behavioral school where they can properly diagnosed them. In school, we learned about them and honestly living with it at the same it can be scary but once they get the correct services things get better.
Maybe that’s exactly what they need, to be in a different house under different rules. You’re their mom so they know they can get away with it. If they wanna threaten to kill themselves put them in a institution and let them know that you ain’t fkn around. If your gonna threaten your life because you can’t get your way maybe they need to be in a group home. It sounds shitty and mean but if you tried everything else its time to really step up to the plate and stick with those consequences. Smarten the fk up or get out.
Maybe they have underlying serious behavioural/mental health disorders? Should be looked into before the other suggestions of shipping them off to places. Iknow it don’t make things easier for you but meds won’t work if they’re being given for the wrong thing, good luck
I’m so sorry! I couldn’t even imagine. Motherhood is tough but should be so rewarding. I couldn’t imagine going through that experience. I have no advise but I pray that it gets better for all of you.
It takes a lot of courage to be as honest as you were.
I’d remove them from everything. What’s your ability to restart completely get them away from any current friends environments and triggering situations.
Oh I’m so sorry to hear your going through this! But I feel you on so many levels! And I know what your going through! Stay tough mama. I know it’s the hardest thing us as moms can go through. I have a 16 year girl that is acting the same way. I’ve always had strict discipline in my house but sometimes that never works. I recently just moved my 16 year old out of my house due to these issues and many more. She’s living with her father. As I have 2 other children in the house one being a 8 year old that cannot be around that behavior. We have seen 9 counselors and many therapist and nothing works. I took there advise to let her live a little because I was being to strict with her () now she’s into smoking pot, vaping, skipping school, talking to online guys and giving my address out, sending naked photos and videos of herself to them. and the list goes on. I raised her better than this. And I’m at a loss of what to do with her she uses the same thing as your kids, I’m just gonna kill myself.
So I know exactly what your going through! Not many options out there anymore for kids like this unless you wanna give them a court record. My other 2 kids have respect for everyone and all A students.
Y’all, military school costs THOUSANDS! For multiple kids, it would be an insane amount
Military school or if they still have it Job Corp. I’m sorry your having such a hard time mama, I hope it gets better but make sure you have someone to talk to and an outlet to bring you some joy
This may not be helpful but if I were in the situation I would get rid of the internet, TVs, electronics etc and go back to the basics. Library cards for homework research and books/board games for entertainment. Landline for calls.
My mom sent my sister to a group home to straighten her out it did till she got older now she’s worse than before
If you have more than one kid with the same behaviors to that extreme, you should probably look at what you’re lacking as a parent
I’d take away ALL privileges, if they threaten suicide record it then call police and have them admitted into the hospital psych unit for 72 hrs. I would not keep letting them use suicide as a threat to manipulate you.
I agree with a few on here for Military School. My nephew sent his daughter and she is a totally different person. She is going to join the Army.
Take him to a chiropracter, get his neck ajusted , then take him to get a massage. You might be surprised at the results! Do the same for yourself!
Y’all wonder why y’all kids be acting so crazy you seem scared of your kids. Putting them on meds and sending them basically to crazy institutes and they kids do y’all not understand that traumatise y’all kids. You think they crazy now that’s why they even more I’m sorry but messed up do you not know what that stuff do to your kids.
Well in my day we would have our butts paddled it did not hurt us. That is the trouble now days to much tenancies. They just do what they want and nobody does any thing.
Live your life. Live YOUR life.
I can honestly say…Im sorry for you, but I’m so glad, its not my kids. My son, got a little rebellious when he was around 16. I snatched a knot in his tail, right quick…( well, not literally) and that was that. My kids were not perfect, but they were polite and mannerly. They did there chores and kept their grades up. They are all married with children now. Hugs to you!
They need juvenile boot camp.
Something ain’t right. For both kids to be acting this way is a red flag. Need more info… is father involved in their lives? How long has behavior been going on for? If you let your kids do what the F ever as little ones then this is what you will get when they get older…
So sorry to hear that you’re going through that but every mother nowadays go through that because of our society and because of what they watch on their phones I have had to take away many privileges for my son because of his behavior and I have told him the same thing I’m done I’m not dealing with him anymore he has to deal with his own consequences and I’m like you love him to death but you know what we have to make our kids accountable for what they do and stop babying them and helping them out when they get in trouble I’ve learned that the hard way and he’s now learning and he’s now getting back on track after being off track for many years and acting up like the way your son have I have told him I wash my hands you get in trouble you get yourself out of it you act up you handle it do you wanna act like a grown ass child then deal with your stuff no more me helping him out he hast to do it on his own and this has made him realize consequences and that he needs to grow up already sometimes we have to let our kids suffer consequences so they realize that life is not that easy
It’s most all kids today,no respect no spanking nothing to be frightened of glad l don’t have grandchildren,raised one who is in 50’s now and if he backed talk me l would hit him up side of his head put them where they can be taught
Clear out everything in their room but furniture and Bible. When they get right with their bs they might earn back some stuff. If not donate to someone that would appreciate it.
I’d watch who they hang around with. Maybe with the wrong crowd at school
The rude comments on this status blow my mind.
sounds like “spare the rod, spoil the child” maybe some whoop ass at young age would have help. I hate that you are going thru this shit.
I would see if you have family that can take a kid for a while. Split them up. Talk to Family Services…they might have some resources for you. This all sounds extreme but extreme situations call for extreme measures.
This all sounds so unhealthy, dangerous & scary!!
I felt this. My only advice is they do grow up. Hold on until then. Lol
You know why my kid started acting the way he does? Because of his Dad and I. Some shit went down, and we argued all the time. Said and did impressionable things, when they were just learning how to be a human. So it sounds like you’re leaving something out, or not taking responsibility for what you do as a parent. Instatutionalizing a child? That’s insane. You need to start with discipline. I don’t care what those kids do or say, take all of their stuff away and hold to it. Leave them in their room, hold too it. Spank them if it comes down to it, hold too it. I don’t recommend hitting, rarely ever, but if they’re screaming “fuck you” to you, then yes, do it. Make sure you’re the role model. Some kids don’t recognize being a child, they don’t have a choice, so it starts with you, period. Medicating your child? Girl, you probably just f’ed up their chemical imbalance even more. You have to undo what you’ve done. You can’t escape that.
Did they have a disaplinary figure growing up? Or did you raise them on your own? This matters… and its one of the biggest struggles with single parenting… theres suppose to be a balance in the household with children… the divine masculine usually acts as the disaplinary and a role model to have respect for yourself and others while the divine feminine is suppose to be nuturing and teach empathy and softness. Combined, they balance one another out to have well rounded children. When a parent is forced or makes the decision to raise children on their own, the parent is forced to take on both roles and its very difficult to be both the disaplinary and the nurturer … but its so important that children are raised with balance, and unfortunately when theyre not … this is often the result. Your children are angry and crying out for whatever it is theyre lacking … whether its the divine feminine or divine masculine. Telling them that youre going to give up on them is possibly one of the worst things you could say to them, saying that gives them no security or safety… which is extremely important for children to have. Please refrain from saying that to them anymore. We werent meant to do this on our own, and without the proper balance, many times … this is the result.
My suggestion is to see if you can get a sitter and focus on each child individually… find time to make a special one on one day with each of them each week. Begin to Establish an intimate relationship with each child individually … they are begging for your attention and love. Hug them every day and tell them they are loved and are safe, that everything is okay … they need to hear that. You need to get yourself together for the sake of these children. Behind every behavior problem is a child screaming for love and attention other than constant disapline. Children are a direct result of their parent so instead of looking at them and blaming them … take a deep look into yourself and ask how well of a job youve done at providing a balance of the divine feminine and masculine to these children. And keep in mind … theres no such thing as bad children…
sorry this is happening. Lean on God for strength and wisdom and keep them in prayer. You don’t deserve this you are a good mom and have tried your best. Sorry this is happening tough times don’t last forever.
It’s the generation. This younger generation sucks. Our parents were the best generation, we were ok… and now this time around just sucks. I do my best and I’ll be damned if I raise assholes. Breathe and we will get through this! Trust me, I know exactly what you’re talking about.
I sent my son to juvie. He returned better. When he started again I took him to police station and said he is out of control. Back to juvie. He figured out I meant it. He is now 50 and the most respectable man. He told me the best thing I did for him.
Omg I swear I could have wrote this!!! Big big hugs to you!!
I use to call it boot camp. Everything I pay for is removed except things to keep you alive… right down to the door on your bedroom and your clothes. Until you have lived it, you won’t understand it. My middle one did the exact same thing. Lots of prayers and consistency. You must regain the authority in your house. Been there. Much love to you Mama!
Either they go to placement and they change their whole lives or they go to placement and ruin their lives. I would try to find some kind of military place to send one of them. 9/10 it’s only one kid starting this stuff but the other kid is manipulated into being that way too. Separate them for a long period of time, you’ll see who the problem is.
No advice. I just hope you find the help/answers you need.
They need to be jacked up and put in their place! They need the crap scared out of them! Quit tip toeing 1 your the boss and their mom! Shoot my kid knows when she’s gone too far and she gets mouthy to where I try to keep the grace of God but I snap and tell her you must like this so let’s go! Give me everything and then I jack her up I’m not proud but these kids these days are jerks! With all the influence of social media friends and etc smh I’m determined not to raise an asshole to live in society! Smh especially if they are going to be in charge of me later in life! Someone has to have common sense… or we are doomed!
Get a judge involved and send them to juvenile detention
Id start with the way you think and act towards your children. From experience I had an undiagnosed child with severe ADHD. I was fed up all the time, moody, angry, yelling, threatening, you name it I was it. It didnt matter what I did, he would not listen, not behave, destroyed everything, violent towards teachers. It was a complete nightmare. I had to make the change. I had to learn to control myself and think before I responded. I stopped yelling all the time, i stopped whooping him, I started listening to him, we organized a plan on how he could communicate how he was feeling and what he needed from me as his mama. It was hard work and I still struggle. But once I got myself under control things turned around almost immediately.
I would get them an evaluation done. May be adhd, odd could be loads of things.
Is there a trauma history? If so, I’d recommend you see a specialist, both for your kids and yourself
First of all, what is the root of the problem here? Kids don’t just act that way…maybe it’s the parenting method you’re using. Yelling? Little to no punishment? Whatever the case I would send them to military school so they can learn discipline, responsibility and respect!
I hate to admit it I was kind of like this as a kid. What are their ages. Truth… I think it’s attn they are needing. I know they act like they do not want that. Try game nights and such. Buy some fridays appetizers cook ‘‘em up… EVERYBODY sits down and plays a game. Easy going like 5 second rule. Super easy fun, lots of laughs, somewhat short. Tell some good stories about good days. It is what it is…, yeah maybe you should of done something different earlier blah, blah but you are here now! You are welcome to message me. They have learned how to manipulate everything… so take their power give them attn. yes sometimes friends too…,
Truth… my mom threw her hands up. Pretty much gave up on me, I was playing the therapist. No dcs but it was bad. She started playing parcheesi with my little sisters. I just wanted time to laugh with them. What nobody understood was that I believe I was starving for that. Now, I’m 50, happily married, both of my kids are now grown and flown. Life is good! That’s all you want for them. You cannot turn back now and change anything! Move forward!!
Young one- where is the father? These children are products of their environment. I don’t mean that bad towards you in any way. With the stuff on social media, tv, and other children. You leaving them alone longer is not the answer. Remove all things from their lives that are recreational- computers, phone, tv - and get rid of it. Start from scratch- put a board up of chores and the amount it earns - done right - 1/2 a$& gets less- make them buy what they want back - after a while and/or on larger stuff - you can say how proud of them you are- and match their amount.
Another thing - the communication between you needs to change. - you need to read about “active listening and communicating “ google it there’s probably a few. Apply it . Stop yelling at each other- you also need to lock your valuables and money - just to be safe
Realize you are a good momma - and the only way this is going to work out - is together.
What are their ages? Are they involved in reg teenage things, sports, clubs?
I can relate as I’ve gone and am going through so many struggles with my son. Im at the tale end of it now… he’s almost 17. It gets easier and your situation is only temporary. When it gets really rough just picture yourself in 10 years from now when all these troubles are over and they are grown ups
Who watches after them while you’re at work? Do they have any supervision?
Lord, I feel this post all to well!! Unfortunately I’m dealing w the same…I have a 13 and 15 yr old boys…it doesn’t matter Ebay i do it say. They are disrespectful, lazy and entitled… they have not been raised this way…I too have started resenting being a mother…I’m at my witts end!!.all i can say is i hope n pray things get better for you…I’m here if u need to vent, talk. Cry. Yell…Whatever u may need momma!
Send them to a child correctional center.