I can't take it anymore, I need help!

I need to be heard,, please no judgment… My soon to be 1 & 1/2 year old’s behavior is taking a toll on me. He doesn’t say too many words yet, so he will scream & scream. I understand that’s how some children communicate when they can not speak, that’s not the biggest issue. My issue is the head banging. He will get mad over something so small & just smash his head into the tile floor or into an object, but pretty hard. I am so scared he will hurt himself. My doctor said to sternly correct him, and if he continues then ignore him and walk away. The anxiety in my cringes. The head butting. He hits so hard I feel he will hurt himself or break my collar bone soon. Sometimes, not often but he will pinch too. I can not take it anymore. I am so sad. Does anyone have experience or advice without coming for me. Please, I am trying so hard.
103 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I can't take it anymore, I need help! - Mamas Uncut

These were the first signs of my son having autism. The doctors missed all of the early signals until he was 3. Go see a different doctor.

25 Likes

My son is non verbal also lots of screaming and crying and throwing things or himself all day it’s exhausting! We are seeing a developmental pediatrician and a speech therapist

4 Likes

I would try teaching him sign language. The head banging may be due to frustration because he’s having difficulty communicating.

7 Likes

Hey don’t feel so bad! My 2 year old does the same thing! He’s delayed in speech so its mainly gibberish and screaming :sweat_smile: and yes head banging too. Whenever he starts, I just distract him him from whatever is upsetting him. Bounce him, play with him, start singing (he likes music) try it! Might help

2 Likes

Headbanging, could be that hes frustrated & doesnt know how else to communicate.

But, thats also frequently an early sign of autism.

Id seek a second opinion.

  1. See your Dr again. Those are signs of something else.
  2. Correct him. If he continues, put him in his crib until he calms down.
    It’s hard but try to avoid triggers. He does have to learn this isn’t ok. So, when he does it, take a toy. Cut off the tv. Equate bad behavior with losing something fun.
    Also, go back to the Dr.

You may want to try a different doctor. These are early signs of Autism. Not to scare you but the earlier you get the diagnosis the better. And this sounds like more than just delayed learning.

3 Likes

I’ve learned that this is a sign of Autism, you should try to find a pediatrician to help you

1 Like

It might no be autism, my son did this too when he was that age, he grew out of it after about 6 months, he was a bit of a late talker too, I would try to comfort him when he’s doing it, put him down in a safe soft area when he starts so he can’t hurt himself like on the carpet, or place a pillow infeont of his head and pat his back tell him hes ok give him big cuddles when he’s finished. Even if it was autism, he is probably frustrated and can’t communicate/let it out any other way as he is so little still and not capable of doing it appropriately. The older he gets the more you can help him learn to deal with his frustration appropriately. I definitely don’t think you should jump to autism just because of this unless he is showing other signs, but screaming, not talking much and head banging can be normal for a 1 and a half year old <3

My son did this until he was almost 3, buy him a helmet. They won’t stop but at least they won’t get hurt either

Although it can be an early sign of autism, and can just be him. My oldest son was the same exact way. He is now 26… Definitely the most stubborn and hard headed of my three, but no autism. Best to get another opinion as well.

Find another doctor and get a second opinion.

You can try labeling and mirroring techniques to make him feel “understood”, even though he’s not verbal :heart:

1 Like

Doesn’t hurt to get him evaluated for early intervention

Find a different Dr that will send your son for the appropriate screening for issues he needs.

My son would bang his all the time, we put a helmet on him…he stopped around 7 years old

My 6 year old daughter banged her head against floors/walls/items when she was younger. She is not autistic. She seemed to go through phases where she would bang her head on things when angry for a few weeks and then she would stop for a few months and then repeat. As awful as it sounds the only way we would get her to stop was to ignore the behavior and walk away. If we paid any attention to it what so ever whether it was us trying to calm or soothe her or a negative reaction it only amped up the behavior. Every time she started doing it again we would forget this and it would take us awhile to remember that we need to ignore her and walk away to get her to stop and then after about a week of that she would stop doing it. This went on until she was about 2.5/3 years old and then she just stopped and hasn’t done it again.

1 Like

This story sounds word for word what my mom told me I used to do when I was a baby. Doctor and everything… my doctor told her the same thing. Actually the Drs words were… she’ll hurt herself and be like WTH that hurt… and guess what apparently I did it hard enough and realized it hurt like hell and I stopped. I am now 45 years old and have no mental health issues. I promise I understand this is stressing you out, but I also can tell by you worried you are a good parent. Your baby will be fine, just throwing a good ol’fashion temper tantrum.

1 Like

Sometimes it’s just frustration on their part. They’ll go thru stages of this.

1 Like

My son use to bang his head and would have huge bruises. He was not delayed in any way and is not autistic. He did this until he was about 3 and then he just stopped. His doctors were aware and even witnessed him doing so. I was never given a medical reason as to why he did it.

My daughter is on the autism spectrum and that’s how her behaviors started as well. And you have to get that official diagnosis before you can get them into therapy, but once you do, it will help so much! It will take a lot of patience and work but remind yourself that you are the voice for your child, you have to have their back a little bit more than others. Learn what they are saying when they can’t say it. You will get there. :sparkles:

Has he been screened for autism?

1 Like

Absolutely nothing wrong with getting a second or third opinion from other doctors! Find that one that will listen to you.

1 Like

I would definitely get him into a doctor and early intervention. That’s exactly how my autistic daughter acted. I got her into an early childhood intervention and she’s done pretty good. She’s considered high functioning. Good luck

Whenever a kid does that around me i get on the floor and put them in my lap and just bear hug them with their arms and legs pinned while talking to them calmly. If they headbut me and i get hurt so be it. At least they arent getting hurt amd eventually they calm and relax into the hug until theyre hugging back. Has worked every time for me with multiple children.

1 Like

There’s safe ways to block the behavior. I don’t agree with saying anything at all. Ignore the behavior while blocking. They even have foam pads that you hold to prevent them from hitting the floor. My daughter does it. I’m a behavioral technician and we see it a lot. Best way for us is to protect them without physically holding, just blocking or using the pad, not reacting by saying anything like “no” “stop” etc and trying to say “hey let’s go play with this” etc.

2 Likes

Look into one of those helmets for the protection of his head for starters and just keep doing your best trying to be stern and redirect him when he gets like that .

2 Likes

My oldest used to do a backwards head butt, and she did it a couple of times into my face as I was holding her. She just grew out of it.

Your child is autistic (which is ok!) and your doctor’s advice is crap crap crap. But if you (as a start) find a doctor who is informed on the subject you WILL be fine.

4 Likes

My second daughter started this for a short spell. It isnt always autism related. Shes normal…she was just frustrated and started doing it at a year old. Best thing i did was ignore it. She did it so hard one day it left a bruise and she hasnt done it since. Was a good lesson for a short time. Now she just like jumping on furniture and falls off and doesnt seem to learn to stop that one…

2 Likes

You need to tell your sons doctor so they can evaluate him and refer him to someone that can help get you answers.

Seek a behavioral assessment. See if they have Easter Seals in your area

My nephew did this at this age. He was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder at age 2 and Autism at age 5. He would beat his head until it bled and carry on, throw tantrums and scream until he nearly passed out. He didn’t talk until he started speech therapy at age 3. Physically harming themselves and not stopping is a good indicator that something is going on.

Some things we learned for my nephew was get a mini trampoline, wack him with pillows, give him toys he can hit and be forceful with. He needed alot of rough housing and deep input activities.

7 Likes

This reminds me of my son who is now 11 he has ASD he started all the same bahaviour s youv mentioned at the same age

1 Like

Also - look at his diet. I’m not sure what he eats but research red dye. It does say it causes kids to bang their head. I just researched this last week.

3 Likes

If you feel this is a communication issue then baby sign language may help his frustration

4 Likes

It’s called temper tantrum’s. Your doctor is right. Not everything equals autism.

6 Likes

I did this as a child all the way up to age 11 I even used punch myself in the head as hard as I could, I’m not autistic or on any spectrum. Dr said it was caused my frustrations and even tho I could speak communication about feelings was hard for me and I’d take it out on myself by doing those things

My little is the same age. She also doesn’t speak much yet. She has started grabbing her face and pinching as she tries to rip her face off. She also throws herself on the floor, bites herself and other objects. They have all the same emotions as we do but they don’t know how to express them like we do. I would tell your doctor you want a referral to a behavioral therapist so you can learn how to teach him ways to handle his emotions and he can learn how to express himself safely.

With mine all I do is ignore her bad behavior and praise the hell out of her good behavior. Positive reinforcement goes a long way!

You need to find a Doc. To take your concerns SERIOUSLY! And to evaluate his mental state A.S.A.P.! He could have neurolgical issues, because it’s not normal behavior! He could be acting out in frustration because of his communication deficit, and as he gets bigger it will only get worse as he gets physically stronger!
Prayers Up! :raised_hands:t4: :pray:t4: :raised_hands:t4:

I would get a second even a third opinion. Just to make sure there is nothing medically wrong. If you have to hold him put a toss pillow between him and you to help with any painful blows with his head. Yes i have been through this. No the child didn’t have autism. But do this fast. Prayers for you all.

2 Likes

I’m sad you’re going through this, but I was also slightly relieved to know someone else is going through this too😅 The headbutting is what freaks me out most.

My older son who is now 22 would bang his head against the wall all the time. I literally wanted to put a helmet on him at all times.His pediatrician says it is normal. It lasted about a year…he is now a grown man with no issues

I think you should take Ki
Him to the doctor and get referred to a pediatrician there could be some underlying medical health Issues

My son was hitting his head as early as 10 months old for sensory input. He’s autistic.
He also was almost non verbal til 16 months because he had so many ear infections they did tubes, idk why they waited that long!

2 Likes

What you need to do is :When he screams put him in his room close the door and tell Him when he is finished he can come out;If he comes out and starts to scream,keep putting him in room till he comes out quietly,same when he bangs his head,You most likely fuss over him when he does it, He likes the attention so when u put him in his room He doesn’t get the attention;Be patience and no matter what he does don’t give in,If you can’t handle him at 1 you’ll never handle him at 8,Try to ignore the screams, turn the radio on sing along with it: if he knows ur up set he’ll do it more: it’s just to get attention::: Good Luck! Say prayers for him and it will help you also

2 Likes

She’s one and a half. I would not worry about a condition this young unless you feel you need medical intervention. So many big feelings in such little bodies learning to navigate the world. I’m 26 and still struggle with my frustrations. Patience is :key:. May need a bit extra attention, may also help to get down on their level, literally, show them that you are listening to what they are concerned about and help to try to fix what went wrong to them. When she does something on her own she gets a lot of praises for doing so. Adding some basic sign language or some sort of non verbal cues may help with the communication part. Wouldn’t hurt to atleast get referral for therapist if you feel it’s needed.

1 Like

I did the same thing as a child, my mom legit thought I was gonna get brain damage because I hit my head on everything, turns out my dad did the same thing as a child, my mom broke me of it the same way my dad was broke of it, she would throw me in a cold shower, shoes and all, I stopped after the showers, we was just angry children lol

1 Like

I would get him checked for autism. Also try to teach him some sign language like eat if he wants food, drink just a few sign words might be a big help

1 Like

Contact Child development services and see what’s needed to get a referral and evaluation from them. My daughter was the same way st the age. She was speech delayed. We did speech therapy and developmental therapy through them. It helped alot. Shes was delayed until she was about 6. She’s now in high school but does suffer from ODD and anxiety/ depression and borderline adhd that was diagnosed in 7th grade. Shes always had sensory issues. As well.
Seek the help now. Since he’s under 3 cds will give services with a parent recommendation. My daughter couldn’t communicate so learning the skills and speech helped alot

1 Like

I would definitely go for a second opinion honestly

I would absolutely get him tested and if it is a temper tantrum and not something going on I would pick him up smack his butt put him in his room on his bed and that’s where he would sit but if it is an issue of behavioral or some type of mental issue like autism then you need to get a specialist and get him under treatment cover your own self because if he gets hurt on your watch or hurt someone else sad to say but children services could get involved I would get a different pediatrician I would call my nearest children’s hospital and ask for their mental health behavioral clinic something’s not right you have to find out for sure what it is and then deal with it I had a screamer nobody could do anything with her she’s actually my goddaughter and one day I had enough they were living with me for a couple months and I politely picked her up brought her back to the bedroom I sat her on the bed and I told her to scream and yell and there’s such a fit if that’s what she wanted to do but I didn’t want to hear it wasn’t going to hear it or be a part of it and when she was done she could come out and we would talk about it and why she was upset or what was going on I almost had the time mammal in the chair but we did it a few times and it worked she realized she wasn’t getting the attention and that when she got upset it was okay to be upset but she had to learn how to handle it you just got to really figure out what’s going on

Try sign language… if he can communicate some of his needs effectively you might be able to avoid a few meltdowns :woman_shrugging:

5 Likes

Definitely have him screened for autism.

2 Likes

He needs an evaluation through early intervention.

First of all mama BREATHE!!! Sending you so much love and light, it’s going to be okay and your baby is going to be ok this I can promise! Can I suggest getting on your littles level? Especially if he is screaming or banging his head? Get on his level so you can see his eyes, and just love on him during these moments. Feel free to message me I have 6 kiddos the oldest is 22 and the youngest is 9 months. I’d love to become friends :slightly_smiling_face:
Also it LITERALLY takes a village, do you have anyone close?
Just remember to breathe mama!!!

4 Likes

My son was the same. Head banging and speech delays. I got a referral from the pediatrician to get therapies to help this. It helped 100%. And yes, he was also screened for autism but didn’t have it. Now he’s in 8th grade in all gifted classes and you can’t tell he was ever delayed. Reach out for some speech and behavioral therapies. It will be okay. And know it will pass. :two_hearts:

Not being rude have you had his ears and hearing checked . Didn’t know my daughter couldn’t hear after surgery also much better

My daughter did this alot.
She was diagnosed with autism at 2 years old

My 3yr old son does this. The doctor told me to tell him to stop an if he didnt listen to walk away an just let him do it. He does it multiple times in a row ends up with horrible bruises. We have tried everything to get him to stop. Doctor said eventually he would stop. Now my 1 yr old does it to but not as hard as the 3yr old

I had the same problem and my the pediatrician sent us to a behavioral specialist that figured out that my daughter couldn’t speak or eat solid foods. Her condition is called dysphagia. My daughter still bangs her head on things all the time. We are doing food/speech therapy weekly. We are all learning to use sign language as well. I recommend getting your son evaluated.

I was just going to advise getting him checked for autism.

2 Likes

Headbanging doesn’t automatically mean autism. I know more kids that headbanged that grew into neurotypical adults than I do autistic ones. That being said, try redirecting him to something else if you can! Encourage sign language skills so he can communicate better, if he can tell you why he is upset I’m sure the behavior will lessen over time.

2 Likes

He is more then likely seeking attention. When I got older my family said me and my brother use to do this too(My mom at times would put something under our heads) It had nothing to do with autism. We were just seeking attention. I’m not saying it can’t be autism because it can be. However that’s not always the case. It could just be his way of getting your attention or getting a reaction from you.

1 Like

My son will be 2 next week. He head bangs and now recently hits himself when he’s frustrated at the slightest thing. I found he does it most when he’s tired. What helped me and some people might think it’s bad but I redirect his head butting and hitting to one of those punching things that fall over but come right back up. It has helped SO much. When I see him get frustrated when I tell him no or things aren’t working the way he wants I immediately grab it and ask if he wants to hug or let it out. I tell him “It’s okay to be angry or frustrated but it’s not okay to hurt yourself or others so let’s try a hug or let’s try hitting the bowling pin (it’s the blow up thing) like the weebulz woobles.

2 Likes

Sounds like he may be autistic. My kiddo had some of these issues as well.

2 Likes

Occupational therapy, they will help both of you cope and they will teach you how you correct him as well as screen him.

2 Likes

Sounds like autism
My daughter got diagnosed at 2

My son banged his head too. Ignored it he’s a great 18 year old young man.

My 19 month old does this sometimes. She has slowed down the last couple weeks. I tell her NO BANGING THATS MEAN AND GIVES OWIES!! As for the pinching I have pinched her back after several times of telling her no it’s mean, we are nice. Not hard enough to actually harm her but hard enough for her to realize it hurts. She now says owie no pinch. She was trying to bite for a couple months and I kept telling her no bites it hurts so now when she gets mad she yells I bite and bites a toy.

1 Like

All three of my boys did this at that age and it was just a phase. It really sucks I know but it does pass. They all stopped before they turned 2. Their pediatrician said the same thing. My youngest who is my only daughter never did it tho :woman_shrugging:t2: Your pediatrician knows your child’s health and wellbeing best and if you don’t agree with them you can always seek a second opinion from another.

Unfortunately I’ve found that anything a child does temper wise people will say it’s autism. Definitely speak to some professionals, he’s not even two yet and little kids have anger issues and yes can even bang their head on stuff, he should grow out of that habit soon. I used to hate it when my son would do that

3 Likes

My 12 year old son used to bang his head. His doctor recommended the same thing and that’s what I did, it stopped eventually. He does have adhd, which I read somewhere that head banging is common among boys who were later diagnosed but it’s also just a common phase some children do. My 3 year old was mostly nonverbal until age 2, he screamed all the time and would throw stuff out of frustration. He has childhood apraxia of speech, did a little less than a year of speech therapy and he is caught up to his peers. To reduce his frustration, we used baby sign language and cvc picture cards/ choice boards. I think the head banging is likely related to his inability to communicate his needs to you, definitely look for nonverbal ways to help him until you can get him in speech therapy.

2 Likes

My boy would bang his head when mad too. He grew out of it

Like most people here are saying— I agree he should be evaluated by a specialist. And in the meantime, maybe you can find a helmet that he’ll wear to keep him safe. There are some that are soft and comfortable that he may not mind wearing. You can find them on Amazon.

2 Likes

My son started that at 1 and just kept getting worse. He ended up being diagnosed at 5 with ODD. He’s 10 now and with medication management and therapy he’s doing awesome. It’s been tough. I get it.

1 Like

My recommendation would be contact the county and see if they have a birth to 3 program. Also learn and teach him some basic sign language so he can tell you what he wants and needs. He’s aggression is out of frustration.

Mine didn’t do that. But she would just throw herself on the ground dramatically and our whole house is tiles and floor boards.

So I would just Pop her in her cot and walk away. I’d check on her every few mins and tell her I’m not getting her out if she doesn’t stop throwing the tantrum.

Fortunately she could talk enough for us to understand what she wanted most of the time.

She’s 3 now and a great toddler

I think I would be looking for a different doctor.

3 Likes

My son did this, although he could communicate he would have these meltdowns and be overwhelmed & unable to process or calm down starting around 2. No professional would diagnose him with autism bc he could carry on conversation and look you in the eye. We paid 6k out of pocket for testing through his counselor after receiving a contradictory testing report using old testing measures from the children’s hospital near us. He was 10 years old when finally diagnosed. He needs occupational therapy. Sounds so much like sensory overload. Look up sensory diet.

2 Likes

My son is 5 years old now and he was diagnosed at age 3 with Autism! He would do literally all of the things you just explained and more! He would scream for HOURS and bash his head as hard as he could off of the walls and floors! We always tried redirecting him, but it NEVER worked and it would just make it worse and he would have Huge Meltdowns for HOURS! And if you tried redirecting him he would start right back up and not stop! He did numerous other things also that pointed towards autism, but his father and I were not aware that the things were things autistic children do! I would definitely seek a second opinion and see about getting him evaluated just to be safe! He may not be autistic, but it’s always a good thing to get him evaluated so you will have better answers if he is or isn’t! I hope you can get some relief and if you need someone to talk to Judgement free you can send me a message! I have been through this and I know exactly how draining/terrifying this can be! You will be in my thoughts and prayers

6 Likes

He is only a year and a half old!! That’s pretty normal behavior at that age. If he continues it until around the age 3 then yes have him evaluated. My God people always want to label a child. Is it frustrating? Yes I am sure it is but think about how frustrated that BABY is that he is angry and can’t verbalize it. Banging his head is his way of getting it out

7 Likes

He absolutely knows what he is doing, My 2yo just turned 2 and has started talking very well since and just stopped this so it must have been a frustrated phase from being non-verbal when she had big feelings about something.

She used to hearbutt gentler when she knew it was the floor or a wall instead of mums chest, But when i got the headbutt holy hell nearly broke my nose :nose:

We are an aspergers family which is now included in the autism scale as high functioning autism, But I dont attribute the headbutting to that at all, they’re only little with big feelings in a giant scary world.
Ive shoved pillows in the way right before she hits but it seems to make it worse, I do not suggest that lol
Walking away was effective for me, But never stopped the headbutting only lessened the tantrum, Only time stopped it.

1 Like

My boy done This but they do grow out of it. Just be strong :cowboy_hat_face:

I have a daughter that cant talk and her frustration was out of control she would scratch like crazy she actually bit some kid really bad …i couldnt have anyone around her …what I was told was that she is looking for any attention whether it be good or bad attention…Ilike if they are being good u tell them or if they are being bad you tell them i learned this and hope u can… she is 10 now and hasnt scratched in about 3 years and still cant talk …also sign language helps alot!!!

1 Like

My son does the same thing it got so bad I thought my son was autistic it took me the longest to figure out what worked for my son cuz every kid is different completely ignoring him DID NOT work for us but what did work is I pick him up hug him tell him there’s no reason to be that angry and I love him put him in the pack n play so he can’t hurt himself and walk away he hasn’t done it in a month.

2 Likes

I’m so sorry, sending hug and prayers!
Stay strong :cry:

Hey honey. Those are early signs of autism. Talk to your child’s pediatrician about behavioral therapy and occupational therapy as well.

4 Likes

I used to do this as a child … around 3-4yr old
When I didn’t get my own way.
Mum took me to the dr
And his words were
“Now matter how much it hurts you watching her- Let her keep doing it, she will do it one day and never do it again”

Few weeks later I split the side of my head open on the side of a cabinet and needed two stitches.
Never did it again after that.

1 Like

You need to teach him how to communicate through a productive method.

It would help if you had a homoeopath

my daughter did this too,I adopted her when she was two , she used to bang her head off the wall thro the night, she’s now 26, I must admit like you I was at a loss, one night I went in and shouted for her to stop, It worked and she stopped…I think it shocked her…she’s now 25 she has adhd, but she is absolutely fine, well adjusted, thoughtful kind woman…it is scary tho…he will grow out of it, it’s a phase some kids go thro…x

it’s a faze that will pass

1 Like

My son did that when he was little…turned out he had allergies to meats and processed foods…

My son did this and was finally diagnosed with Autism at age 4. Lots of therapy of all kinds. From touch therapy to sign language. I did everything possible.

1 Like

My 19 month old was like this. We went months with him banging his head off everything. The floor, the couches, the door frame, baby gates, tables. I took him to his doctor because it was scaring me. His doctor said set up a safe, designated area for him to do it, so I would put him in his play pen and ignore him until he stopped. No matter what I did, he would do it. He’d bash his head off me if I picked him up. I even tried pulling him from the situation, taking him to a quite room with just us two, talking to him, and consoling him but he would just smack me or rip my glasses off my face. Eventually, he learned whacking his head off shit hurts, so he doesn’t do it anymore.

Try sign language and some basic replacement therapy like ABA. It’s amazing and works well with small children. My son’s two now as of end of November and I’ve applied my work with him and he’s got some outburst lately;however he’s able to communicate and will if I remind him how. Good luck mama :crossed_fingers::+1:

Sometimes it’s frustration at that age or temper tantrum, however you have described exactly how my son behaved 23 years ago and 3 years later my son was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome (mild autusm). Try distraction techniques…jigsaws, colouring books, anything with vibrant colours or numbers. Also (if autism related), avoid loud places like supermarkets etc. Coloured building bricks are a godsend at that age. It’s a difficult age for any child and parent but try not get stressed, also when you are trying to pacify him, kneel down to his level and try and make eye contact when explaining what is right or wrong behaviour. Good luck x Also, when in public, if he misbehaves, do not worry about other people judgemental looks, only concentrate on him and distracting methods. I used to get myself stressed out incase people thought I couldn’t control my child and that made my son worse as I was anxious. If it’s not autism related, you just need to remember he is very young and learning, so things can be scary for him :heart: