I can't tell If I am over reacting or not: Advice?

The first thing I do want to clarify is, yes, I have insecurities (who doesn’t lol), but they are not serious, and some are silly forex. My toes are insecurity of mine, but that doesn’t stop me from wearing flip flops out in public! When I look in the mirror I am more than happy, I know I’m beautiful, strong, and an awesome mom. Now with saying all of that, I wanted to get some insight into a current situation I’m in. My SO’s friends are 98% women (he has like one guy friend that he rarely talks to), in the industry he works in that is a minority of women I already expected that. And there are a lot of his coworkers that became my friend as well. They’re sweet funny, and we help each other out when needed. So here’s the situation; my SO has had questionable behavior in the past, I’ve found msgs to his ex, random calls on his phone from women that I’ve never even heard of and time went away that was unexplained (or poorly explained for that matter). So our relationships past has been rocky, but not all the time. Anyways, he just recently began to chit chat with a former coworker (yes, it is a woman), and they have been texting and planning lunch dates. I’m aware, and we talked about it, no problems. He has a lunch date with her this afternoon, and then I started getting that gut feeling (that darn gut) that something was a little off. I saw the msgs between them talking about there lunch, and at the very end, she responded with “can’t wait” with a kissy emoji at the end. Am I overreacting or should I just let it go as she’s just sweet lol, either way, my gut won’t stop doing its thing. And I have talked to him in the past about hanging out with his male friend more (or at all because he doesn’t) rather than just specifically women. Am I creating something that isn’t there, or should I just chill and let him have a close friend?

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If your gut is telling you something is up, trust your gut. I’m all for my SO having friends of the other gender, but they know their boundaries and it sounds like this one doesn’t. You don’t send a kissy face to a taken/married man. However, a man needs to make sure there are boundaries as well. If he isn’t reinforcing them and is allowing the behavior to happen, then he’s just as much to blame as she is.

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Knowing a little about the past you two have together I’d be concerned with the kissy face emoji from another woman on my SO phone too. I’d ask to join them. If he says no then take it as a sign.

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Kissy face is a nono and if u have a gut feeling…its never wrong

If there is no bad texting then let them be

Also u should have been invited 2 the lunchdate

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If you have to question if it’s acceptable that another women is sending inappropriate messages to a taken man…honey, pack up and move along.
You’re better than that.

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I would never let my husband have a lunch date with a women that isn’t family. My god the nerve of him! You’re not overreacting at all

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That would be a roll up and look to see what’s happening. See if its a casual lunch, if so no reason you can’t join. Respect.

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No dear I would be done, most of the time the guy tells it all. Sorry

Guts don’t lie! That would never fly at my house. I have never had reason to ever suspect anything with my husband. That’s what trust is. If you don’t have that , you have nothing.

Uhhh friends don’t send kissy emojis. No way.

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I’m sorry . If he’s is not friends with her before you where together and was the whole time there is NO reason he should be taking another women to lunch!! No texting another women. You already no the answer move on

If he doesn’t show any signs that he likes her more than a friend then maybe she is just friendly. Try talking to him and explain how the kissy emoji is making you uncomfortable, if he gets defensive about it then trust your gut.

Trust your gut. I would COMPLETELY flip my lid if some woman sent a lissy face emoji to my husband.

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If you think he’s cheating then he already had :+1::+1::+1: when u have to worry about it or think it’s happening 99.99% it’s done

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Trust your gut girl!

While its nice that you trust him it seems like there needs to be boundaries. He needs to set them with his female friends. If a woman sent my man a kissy face i would 100% not feel ok with them meeting up or even talking for that matter. Youre not overreacting. Trust your gut!

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Is he ok w you looking at his phone? Or are you suspicious enough that you are checking when he isn’t looking?

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Not just friends.
At the least they are probably attracted to each other or at least she is to him. How would he react if you were to go on a lunch date with an old coworker that was a man and he sent you the same kissy message?

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You already know what’s up, your gut told you. If you want to continue to tolerate it that’s up to you.

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Always go with your gut.

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Sounds sketchy to me. Just sayin

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If you even have to ask these questions ITS TIME TO MOVE ON :v:

I’d be joining. If he has a problem with that you have your answer. Please don’t be stupid and allow yourself to get trampled on.

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I would not approve honestly my husband says a man never has interest in a women unless he has some intent to sleep with them so nope not for me he said this because of issues in the past where men were stating they were friends but with different ultimatums he’s sharing a bond with this women and it’s not appropriate they are not current co workers so that the first thing their building a relationship out side of work not ok unless he plan on being with this women and the kissy face emoji hell no she obviously has other intentions!! If he can’t respect you and ask you to attend with them then nope and if he calls off the lunch because he doesn’t want you to attend well he a lier and has other intentions!!! Your gut is right ! Ps he has probably had multiple other messages you have not see with this women or deleted conversation a women doesn’t just say I can’t wait to have lunch kissy faces emoji to anyone they don’t text to just anyone that way women are to insecure for that! Men are normally the dominant ones … unless they a hoe

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Hmmm no u trust urself, definitely no need for a kissy emoji :roll_eyes: and I would be upset to.

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He wants a lunch date he should be taking u out… he wants to chat he can chat with you… I’m sorry I got overwhelmed just reading it like wtf… u need to make boundaries especially all these women… keep your guards up maybe do a pass by in a friend’s car lol…

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Not overreacting. Go with your gut. It’s usually right

No, something if definitely going on. As small as it is, no woman sends a kissy emoji to guy friends :woman_shrugging:

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Nah, maybe work lunches with co workees. But lunch dates? No.

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Get in your car and follow him then u will know for sure🤷‍♀️ but more than likely your gut is correct!

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Uh, my man doesn’t hang out with the opposite sex period. That’s very disrespectful imo.:roll_eyes::face_with_monocle:

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As a girl who has a few friendships with guys that are 110% platonic, kissy emoji definitely means something else is going on.

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Listen to your gut! Just friends don’t end their text with kiss

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A kissy face is a little more than just friendly

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I would invite myself and see what he says

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I’d be pissed. That’s bullshit

Go hang out with your friends too.

Up until the very end, I was somewhat okay with the situation. Considering how she ended her text, I wouldn’t put up with this! Way too many red flags! You obviously can’t trust him.

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No. Never. Check out Andy Stanley-- we have to have guard rails in our lives. It’s ok to go to lunch— with you included or invite her to dinner at your house.

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This is what you need to do on his next lunch date!

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Follow them? Then you’ll know for sure? :woman_shrugging: but I def wouldn’t be happy

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He could take you along with him. better he wouldnt accept if u wanted to go out for meal with male friend .tell him how u feel .i must admit i wouldnt like it .it could be innocent who knoes x

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If you not married are you both allowed to date other people

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Fucking follow him. Or ask to go along nothing about this seems righy

In his defense. He has been honest about the lunch date and showed you the messages. He can’t help that she sent that. If he was doing something he could have deleted that text before showing you or not showed you them at all.

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Lunch date with a former female co worker on a Saturday. Yes, you should be packing it in & saying goodbye.

Don’t ignore your gut. If you choose to confront him, don’t let him make you feel “crazy” for thinking there is something going, and don’t let him flip it on you. Keep it on him. Your feelings and concerns are valid and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Good luck girl :+1:

Go with! If he has a problem, then obviously there’s something up… annoyingly, some girls do the emojis too often and its habit

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Ive sent kiss emojis to platonic opposite sex relationships because I love those friends. I care for them. Would die for them. We arent insecure to shield that friendly love because too many of our friends have died since we left high school/college. No one can tell you what to do but just know that if you do take the advice of “following him” and he finds you to be stalking him then that in itself could tank your entire relationship. I would think long and hard about that before doing it.

I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with this.

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Go with your gut feeling!!

Um kissy face is implying much more than just lunch date buddys

Yeah fuck that. No women would send that if there wasnt something more going on.

Unexceptional if my man did this to me!!! Bye!! That’s very disrespectful to you. Especially the emoji. Nope !!

Why not go to lunch with them?

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Maybe im a conspiracy theorist but the fact that he’s so open and honest about all of his girl “friends” could easily be his way of manipulating you into thinking he’s not being sketchy because he has no secrets. I dunno dude. If it’s not a work lunch date then why aren’t you all doing it? Why would a taken family man be leaving for lunch dates with other women flirting through text… sorry mama I’m not thinking you’re overreacting…

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I would never want to be with someone who has a zillion female friends.

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Nope. I’d chew him up and spit his ass out again. Kissy face emojis are not appropriate and he knows it. Trust your gut and light his ass up.

I’ll never understand why a married man needs 1847329 female friends. It sure dont work that way in mine. I dont have a bunch of male friends either. So weird.

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Always trust your gut. Message her nicely. When woman ask questions maturaly other women are more inclined to respond truthdally

No that is completely inappropriate

I would NEVER send a text like that to a friend whether he was dating someone or not. That’s blatantly flirting with someone. If he was just a friend why would she send shit like that? Too often these attention seeking dumb ass people cant feel validation until they’re stealing attention away from someone else. Like oh I must be better than her cause he doesnt correct me and hes seeing ME for lunch. He should have canceled and apologized to you. Also having all chick friends is just a gamble. Eventually something is going to come up. Thats nature for you. He needs to grow out of that or include you in all of his outings with these women.

Kissy face emoji? Nah. I’d send a “:facepunch:” emoji to them both right before I rolled up on their next lunch date :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Kissy emoji?? Yikes I’d be highly upset

There are VERY few females that I’d be ok with sending kissy face emojis to my SO. His family, and like 3 of his co-worker friends… The other co-workers I would not be ok with. He works in the medical field so it’s primarily females in the workplace. If my gut is telling me something is up though, it’s not wrong.

That is unacceptable behavior my husband would never disrespect me if its just lunch then you should be invited women have gut insticts for a reason!

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You are not overreacting, trust your gut!

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Hell no !! That’s disrespectful why does he have females as friends if he has you? Hes making you believe that hes not doing shit but in reality hes cheating… I’d can his ass you deserve better!! Wake up sis

How have you not hit him with a frying pan already? Oh girl :woman_facepalming:

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I’d follow him and first sign of deception l’d take video and pictures, show him and leave his ass.

Oooooh shit girl. :grimacing::grimacing:
Listen to your instinct always.

Ask if you can come with him on this lunch date?

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Find where they are having lunch and go spy on them. Find out what’s going on. Because something is going on. No way my husband would be hanging out with females if i wasn’t around. Well maybe there is an exception to a small few of our mutual friends

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Your post said females are the minority in his field of work…does that mean he is intentionally seeking them out?

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Nope. It’s Not ok to have lunch dates with other women in a closed relationship.

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Sorry but intuition never lies hes doing more than lunch with more than one even your gut tells you lady just saying

That’s a BAD. Unless you live in a country where it’s customary to kiss.

A woman’s intuition is always right!

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I’d be damned if my husband was going on lunch date with some other b****…

We’re are you during this lunch date???

why are you doing this to yourself…i dont even know you but i know you deserve better. And you CAN do better. Let yourself. Theres insecure, and theres just right. Trust your instincts, if not for the obvious proof this guys already given that hes not the one. Your heart is trying to tell you .

Nope. Just nope. Boundaries! I could never be with a man who only has female friends, idk lol

Have lunch with guy friends and notice his reaction. That might add to suspicions, which would be worth discussing. Keep us posted.

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The gut instinct is usually right

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If he isn’t messing around already, he’s planning on it. Trust your gut.

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Ha…if u know when and where…show up 20-30 mins into this lunch thing. And be all…“omg. I forgot u guys were here.”… Or , u can just observe and not go up to them, if u feel theres more to it. So u can see what’s happening.

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That’s a big no for me

Ummmm. My man wouldn’t even give that the time of day. Find you a man who understands you and knows not to even cross that line. I don’t find that okay at all. Neither would my man. He wouldn’t even allow that door to open… I dont understand this at ALL. I dont have insecurities in my relationship but because my fiance respects himself, me, and US.

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Can’t wait? Kissy lips?? Girl… start saving some money…more friends are on their way!!

ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR GUT!!! There are lots of women were my husband works and he doesn’t go to lunch with them or have their numbers in his phone; or any other females number in his phone besides his mom, sister, cousins and an old lady’s number that was a family friend before we met.

Girl you’re being played

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Trust your gut!! Stay strong!!

This cant be a genuine question. Really??? Of course he cheating. I’m not even a jealous person and this is easy to see from just reading post.

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If you feel cheated by this relationship then have him end it or have a lunch date with a male friend of your own. I don’t think he would like a kids emoji sent to you saying can’t wait.

I would be overreacting as well!

Wow. So many possessive insecure women in one post.
I’m not saying definitively that OP has nothing to worry about, but in my experience cheaters are secretive and super shady, not an open book. Some women are flirty. I’m flirty sometimes, not intentionally. I’m very happily married. My husband flirts sometimes too. It’s all in good fun. We are totally secure, and open with each other. The real matter is, you’re not feeling good about it. In a healthy, mature relationship there should always be an open line of healthy communication. You don’t have to apologize for feeling uncomfortable, or question yourself. You need to talk to him about your feelings, and then tell him how he can put your mind at ease, without sacrificing his friendship. I suggest you ask to tag along to this lunch. Accommodate him, if you need to. Drive separately or get a sitter, or whatever, but tell him you’re feeling some kind of way about this particular lunch and would like to go. If he has an issue, then tell him you’re just not comfortable. If it won’t work with your schedule, maybe he could invite her over for dinner instead and have her bring her other half or her family, even. There’s no reason you can’t ask to be included in his work friendships. If he protests too much, then quote Shakespeare on him, because he’s acting shady. Relationships call for reasonable compromise. Tagging along is a reasonable compromise. If you can’t, switching it to dinner at your place (or whatever) as a back up is a reasonable compromise. Don’t question your feelings, act on them, but do so in a way that doesn’t infringe on his freedoms. Possessive and jealous behavior isn’t a good color on anyone, being aloof and ignorant isn’t any better. But there are plenty of colors in between. Find one, participate, be friendly, and most of all, enjoy.

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If my man is going on lunch dates with female co workers…sorry but you ain’t my man seee yaaa!! In that case be single to go to any dates you wish for…

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Youre right.somethings off here that friendship is a littls too close for comfort ill put an end to it .tell her to stop flirting with him .its not gonna end up pretty