I have been with my husband for 13 years. From the very beginning, I have had red flags of him being unfaithful and have caught him along the way but not in the act… this week, after I left for the town, he went to shower. I forgot something, so I came home to find him in the shower in the middle of the day with an app called Kik open with multiple chats open for illicit sexual activity… what do I do now?? We have three kids, the youngest being seven months.
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Last month I found out my husband was cheating after 10 years and 2 kids together. I knew the moment he told me I could never trust him again. I’ve only been a single mom for a month and its THE HARDEST thing I have ever done, but definitely one of the best.
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What is this app? Never heard of it. He was kinda alone… In the shower… Doing his thing… Is it just porn? Or video chat? Chat rooms that do dirty talk?
I think you know the answer to that. What do you want to do? Do you respect yourself? Do you think you deserve better? If you answer yes then leave. If you don’t think you do then stay.
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Know your worth. 
You deserve better and your children deserve a better role model as a father. Being a single parent is tough BUT it’s better than another 13 years of self doubt and worry dealing with a habitual cheating spouse. Best of luck.
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Girl.
If you’ve had red flags from day one & it’s still like this all these years later—
You’re playing yourself. Leave that man.
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Y
Tell him to kick rocks
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Leave he wont change and you will spend years and years catching him cheat
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You do what you should’ve done 13 years ago. Leave.
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YOOOOO
MAJOR RED FLAGS…
NOT JUST BECAUSE OF CHEATING BUT BECAUSE KIK IS FOR CHILDREN AND TEENS.
Like that’s the entire point of the app.
I’d be cautious about him alone with your children. Red flag times a dozen. A grown ass man has NO BUSINESS on the app.
Leave it will be hard but staying with someone like that will just make you upset .
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Walk away, or if he says he wants to change make HIM pay for marriage counseling.
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Once someone cheats it’s time to call it quits. It doesn’t mean you automatically stop loving that person, but if they’re willing to cheat physically or even just emotionally, then you don’t mean as much to them as they do to you. Cheating is unforgivable, at least in my eyes. There is no trust, respect, appreciation, or even real love left there if the person cheats. There’s always going to be someone else out there who will love you like you deserve. Cheating isn’t an accident. It’s not a mistake. It’s not a slip up. Your children would rather have a happy momma than one who used them as an excuse to stay in an unhappy and unfaithful marriage.
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Leave , no one learns your worth if you don’t even know it js , you can’t touch fire 300 times and then wonder why your always getting burnt js
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I say you leave he’s been doing it for a while you said and he’s not going to change if that’s the case. What would you be teaching your children if you stay and they end up finding out what he did or is doing to you and they see that you allow it. Yea it’s going to be hard but it will get easier with time.
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He wont change. Been there, it only gets worse. Sorry
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I’m at an age 32
That I’ve lived and learned you got one time to show me you ain’t shit and then it’s a whole nother story cuz he would be the one posting right now asking how to get me back , Rs
Okay - unpopular opinion here.
Leaving is usually the answer to cheating but not always. Only you can know what you’re wiling to tolerate and what you won’t. If you have an otherwise amazing relationship, you might want to talk to him and figure it out. Sex isn’t everything. And it’s completely possible to love your partner but make mistakes.
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I had to leave mine after 13 years of it.
He can’t even just delete his messages he uses an app that probably doesn’t save messages so that shows he is just deeply invested in being a douchebag piece of shit. Leave and take him for all he is worth since being w you.
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If this isn’t the first time, then your best option is to leave. People make mistakes, but once is a mistake. Over and over again is not excusable. So, my opinion is if you stay then you have to accept that he isn’t going to change. Or you can leave and seek out someone who respects you.
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You already know the answer to your question. You are wanting confirmation of it at this point my dear. Do exactly as yo gut has been telling you to do. It will be difficult, your heart will break and you will think you can’t go on but you will. You and your children will be just fine I promise but it won’t be easy
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I know it’s easy to say to leave but I know how hard it can be with kids. I had to leave my first child’s dad because of the abuse, cheating was just one of them, but the abuse is what lead me to leave because I swear he was going to kill be.
If you stay, you’re not giving yourself a chance to meet someone who wouldn’t treat you this way. If you knew for a long time with your red flags, then you knew your heart wasn’t really in it, that’s not love. That’s security you needed so badly. I wouldn’t have met this wonderful man I’m with today, we have a kid together now and I never have to worry about that kind of thing anymore. My first child’s dad is still the same today, I can’t imagine myself if I stayed with him that long.
Honestly know your worth. Is this what you want to keep doing? No, you want to be happy.
Sending love!
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Kick him out u have 3 kids dont tell him why he should already know he will not stop if u forgive him consequence is needed
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What other options do you have? You cannot just tolerate it just because you have kids.
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kids have 0 to do with this. Stop using that as leverage to stay In some bs.
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Lol I mean…duh? Wtf are we expected to say here?
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Honey, you already know deep down what you need to do. I know you probably feel so weak and beat down. I truly hope you can find it within yourself to be free and live the life you and your kids deserve. Do whatever it takes to find your “true, strong” inner self. Tap in to her in whatever way you possibly can, and free yourself. You’ve already given him so many years, and I’m sure there has been good through the bad, and having kids makes things so hard as a Mom. But you can do this, turn those old songs on that truly resonate with " that girl" deep down that is lost, and find peace and courage and go. Prayers for you Momma 
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Ultimately the choice is up to you. But, you have children. Do you want your sons to treat their wives that way? Or your daughters to grow up accepting that for herself? Or even vice versa.
Whatever you do, that’s one lesson your children need to learn through parenting. Cheating is not ok. It’s not only disrespectful to you, it can be dangerous. What kind of diseases is your husband going to bring home to you after sticking his wick into anything that moves? I mean MULTIPLE CHATS?!! How many women has he slept with you have no way of knowing he’s having safe sex or anything.
Me? I’d be out.
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I was married 58 years. If my husband ever cheated on me just once, I would never have felt like I could trust him again. I believe he felt the same way about me.if he Normally arrived home at a given time and was late, I would have felt like he was cheating. My husband l
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MAKE HIM LEAVE. KICK HIM OUT. YOU STAY. why put urself in a position to be miserable forever. He needs to gooo. HE WONT CHANGE …
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Run for the hills and don’t look back
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I think you know deep down what you need to do at this point!! All we are doing is confirming it for you. It’s probably gonna be the hardest thing ever but you got this mama and you will come out on top because having to worry about things like that just drags you down. Forgiveness after red flags this whole time just shows him he can do it again.
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Collect your evidence, and build a case for a divorce. Do not let him know you know, talk to a lawyer. Put money back, legal documents, marriage certificate, childrens birth certificates, social security cards ECT. Once you are financially prepared, and have a lawyer retained confront him. And ask for a divorce. But do not go into it unprepared. If you have had your doubts this long, I don’t think he will change. But do not jump into the deep end without a leg to stand on. Good luck girl.
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Well hell. Get knocked up again. And hit him for all kinds if child support and alimony
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Once a cheater always a cheater. Kick him out.
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Once upon a time I was married and had two small babies with a Dick-pic sending, cheating, lying, pervert. Life only gets better when you leave a poor excuse of a human like that. I can’t look at him without laughing now because he is such a joke doing all that nasty shit.
Just leave him. You already had those red flags from the beginning…so you knew the kind of man he was already. Why continue? Kids shouldn’t be an excuse to stay with someone like that.
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It always surprises me how many are quick to say leave. Are y’all married? I’m in no way saying she should tolerate that or that he should be doing that but leaving isn’t black and white when you’re married especially not with kids. Kik to my knowledge is a texting app so what exactly could he have been doing? Or is there more to that app?
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Make him leave. Don’t offer ultimatums… They don’t work. I tried that and he still went back to drinking and whatever else he was doing. I found a chat between him and one of those chicks on Facebook ( pretty sure they are dudes) anyway it was all about how she wanted to talk to him and he was so hott blah blah blah… Whatever… Anyway I found it left his phone open to it so he knew I saw it and then he asked me what was wrong… I was like really. You know I saw it. Then it was immediately I am so stupid I am dumb I don’t know why I did it nothing happened… Blah blah blah.
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I don’t understand why you ask what to do. It is your life, you are the only one can make decisions about it.
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Leave. Things will never be the same… dont drag it out
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Only you can answer this and know what to do everyone can say leave him but in reality it’s up to you but your only selling yourself short if you stay because if he’s been like this for years and hadn’t stopped he never will woman need to know there worth and you won’t learn that until you throw the whole man out good luck with whatever you chose
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Depending on what state you’re in if you catch him in the act of penetration it’s technically illegal. It’s adulatery. And could be possibly jail time, a misdemeanor and a fine of 1,000$.
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Hopefully the he wasn’t watch any of the kids . This isn’t his first time and no matter what he says wont be his last . Be your own hero and do what you need to .
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Ask yourself this, if this was your child in this scenario with a cheating partner what advice would you give them🤔 Remember your children are watching and understand and pick up on way more than you think. I personally think you deserve way more and better. Once a cheater…well you can’t change a tigers stripes can you… good luck to you regardless of your decision.
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Men and women often cheat for different reasons.
Men cheat for strictly sexual pleaser (USUALLY)
Women cheat for emotional pleasure (USUALLY)
If he treats you amazingly and provides and protects, I think it’s worth discussing before leaving. However, don’t tolerate disrespect.
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Leave… why would you stay with a cheater?
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For me, I’d be done married or not that’s probably it for me.
I’ve been in my marriage a long time if that trust was broken I’d leave…
Saying i would leave don’t mean I wouldn’t go back or try to work it out depends on that situation.
Counseling, conversation alot has to do with it
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You have seen what happens if u stay. If you want ur life to continue being like that, stay. If you want something better dor yourself ans ue children, u kick him out and divorce his ass. A mom and a dad do NOT need to be together to raise children. Also if u stay at some point your kids will see his behaviors. Idk if u want a shitty life with a cheater who obviously is not going to stop, then stay. I wld say bye-bye
was he with a woman or the phone?
Girl leave why are you even asking ???
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Once a cheater always a cheater. Truth.
Have you ever confronted him ? My husband cheated for 21 yrs. I left after 23 yrs of marriage . He was in shock ! But it was the best thing I ever did for my self !!!
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You could try counseling.
You could put down boundaries.
You could throw him out with the trash.
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Once a cheater, always a cheater! Speaking from experience. Leave. Because this is not the first time he’s done it. If you’re financially stable and are able to provide for the kids, get the support of your family. If you’re not able to discuss and make it work, might as well leave and start fresh with the kids.
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People still use Kik?
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He’s not cheating if it’s on an app I thought that u actually caught him with someone in bed
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Most people don’t change. Either u can tolerate it or u can leave. U will have a lot more respect for yourself if u leave
What is he saying about being caught?
I can’t believe people are saying an app isn’t cheating standards have really gone down. Anytime you’re chatting sexually or video chatting sexually with someone and you’re in a relationship you are a piece of scum. Leave him or risk his children growing up to be just like him- a worthless Chester.
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Umm leave? If he’s cheating why stay? You will always question him from here on out
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well if you want to live in doubt and paranoia that he’s doing it again for the rest of your life, stay with him. or leave him and teach your kids never to allow cheating to lessen the standards of marriage. idc how long I’ve been married or how many kids we have, if he cheats, I’m gone. and I’d want my sons to know if that if they ever cheat, they deserve to be dumped. sorry not sorry. it’s very easy not to cheat on someone you really love. if you have doubts, speak up get therapy or leave! cheating is something that is not forgiveable. once you allow it to happen, your self respect automatically gets lessened. it’s an unwritten law of marriage. you can’t run over your mother in law with your car, you don’t burn the house down when he won’t fix what he says he will, you dont lock up your kids in a room with a water bowl and food so you can finally get a romantic vacation alone together, and you don’t cheat! simple!!!
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“Why are marriages so hard now?” “Why do most people get cheated on?” Etc. Because for some reason women have forgotten that even in biblical times cheating was a good enough reason to leave their POS husband’s. Why are you women so okay with sticking it out with someone who straight up disrespect you and his vows to you like that? Woman up and leave these assholes and show them you deserve better. Period.
Don’t do anything rash, and don’t tip your hand. Have you spoken to your husband about this habit, how it makes you feel, and tried marriage counseling? Ask him how he would explain to the kids what he’s doing if they would catch him? Is this the only thing in an otherwise great marriage and parenting partnership, or is this the last straw in a whole string of indignities?
Make plans to get out safely with your finances figured out, and consult a lawyer and women’s center/shelter/abuse hotline. Make inquiring calls from work/friends’ phones, and research on other computers or erase your call and online history. Use a P.O. Box away from your neighborhood, your work address or a friend’s address to receive paperwork and information. Even if you decide to stay, having this info is useful.
Get/make copies of all financial information now before he can cash in anything before you get divorced. Think about how you want to handle custody and determine what child support you might get.
Figure out if you can afford to stay in your home or will need to find new digs. If you will need subsidized housing, find out if there is a waiting list, and how long. If your family is far away and you want to live with them, will the state allow you to move and take the kids that far from their dad?
Few people get alimony for very long—if any—these days. Start socking money away in one of the kids’ names with you on the account. This way it’s not marital assets. Use a different bank and don’t have statements sent home or where your husband can find them. If you don’t have a good job or source of income, you may be forced to stay until you can get things lined up, or even until all the kids are in school. You can separate and live separately in the same house to save money, but it’s awkward and uncomfortable.
Chances are the process will take a while so you will have time to get used to the idea of getting divorced and managing without him. Try to finalize the separation when there aren’t a lot of other changes going on in your kids’ lives, and before or after age 13/14 which is the toughest age for many kids.
Look into resources for counseling for the kids and yourself. You all will need it, probably even the baby who will ask “Where Daddy?” Figure out how you will answer this & how you will explain the divorce to the kids. This will be the hardest thing you ever do. If possible, do it together. The separation agreement is where you’ve done all the hard work and made all the decisions, then you just have to put in your 6 months of being separated and the divorce is a formality, so you’d tell them after the separation is done.
Hopefully you and the kids have family and friends to talk to when you and your kids need to vent or be sad so you all can get through it. My women’s center offered reasonably priced classes on legal, financial and emotional aspects of separation and divorce, which were super helpful, and they also had great online suggestions, checklists, and resources, including lower cost lawyers: thewomenscenter.org.
Fortunately a lot of kids have divorced parents so they shouldn’t feel too different/ostracized among peers, and can take comfort in that most of these kids do OK.
Before you get into another relationship, be sure you have a way to leave if things go bad and that you can support yourself and the kids. Do NOT intentionally get into another relationship for several years after the divorce. Rebounds are not good.
I hope you have plenty of support, resources and opportunities. It’ll be tough with three kids, but I did it with two just fine. Made some mistakes, but that’s inevitable. I guess it was for the best because my son noticed, “Daddy is crying but YOU are singing!” May you be singing too.
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I think the ppl condoning this are either doing it themselves or they have a SO doing it and they’re so desperate to have someone laying next to them at night they allow it. Then you have the ones who think it’s not so bad as long as you’re married and have kids. Makes me wonder what their daughters are learning on how a man is supposed to treat a woman. If you’ve caught him cheating, yes people sexting is cheating, then you need to decide if you want to stay and deal with this. But ask yourself this, would you want your daughter to think this is okay if her partner does this? Would you want your son thinking the same way or behaving like this? Just know it never stays exclusively online I’m sure he’s met up with someone or is at least planning to and like you said you haven’t caught him in the act. That’s a health risk so he’s risking catching AIDS and bringing it back to you.
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Ok whole pandemic aside because well he’s meeting with strangers and could get you and himself and children sick but what about giving you STD’s and or having kids you don’t know about outside your marriage. Please don’t let this man diminish your self worth to nothing. Why didn’t you hit him the pot of hot grits or a cast iron frying pan when he stepped out the water? Like I don’t get why you’re so closed mouth and quiet? 
Don’t you even care about your own health? Cut the shit and throw him out
If this guy has always done this to you why can’t you, clearly he feels the terms of your relationship allow this so join in the fun and see how he likes it, sign up to every dating site quick date app message loads of men then leave your phone out to ping ping ping and make sure he see it then carry on lol sorry but if your hoping for reassurance he will change then unfortunately your going to be very disappointed you only get in life what your willing to put up with, honestly please don’t waste your life on a down breed like him
I’d be gone. That’s just me, If you don’t want to leave him (which you obviously don’t because you said you’ve ignored the red flags from the go) I would consider an open relationship at this point. Seems like he’s gonna do what does and he’s gonna keep doing it.
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Do what’s best for you and the kids. For one thing, talk to a divorce attorney and see what your situation would be if you left him. In some states, child support is minimal. If you decide to stay, go to a marriage counselor
I’d leave his ass! In a heart beat! You are a queen 
girl you deserve so much better, Obviously he doesn’t deserve you! Cheaters will always be cheaters.
This decision is yours love regardless of anyones opinion. Firstly do you love him still? Can this be fixed? Can you trust him again? Did he make you grow as an individual with him? Ask all of those things and do what you see fit. Much love❤
Chop his Willy off 
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Have respect for yourself hunny and leave his pathetic ass. Take the children and move on. It’ll be hard but its doable. You don’t want your children growing up and thinking that its okay to treat your partner the way your husband is treating you. You deserve better for yourself too xx
If you had red flags in the beginning, WHY did you stay so long? I wouldn’t deal with that crap! He is cheating on you and it will never change.
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Not be funny but you said there was red flags along the way and stayed. He thinks it’s OK.
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If you choose to stay, address the issue by seeking marital counseling, prayer, and purchase the book, the Power Of A Praying Wife by Stormiest Omartian
If you decide to leave, get counseling for yourself and develop a safe plan for your exit.
Lorena Bobbitt his ass 💁😂
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If it happens more than one time it’s always gunna happen. when you take someone back (using the excuse of children or how long you’ve been together) that’s basically telling him you’re allowing him to act that way because them things aren’t ever going to change. I think the only way to see if someone really appreciates what they have is to leave him for a good while and you’ll see how much effort he makes to get you back because he truly loves you… or if he’s just an arsehole.
Id leave honestly not worth it… Cause every time you leave your going be paranoid OMG what is he doing … Thinking he doing the same thing which make leaving him alone stressful and miserable
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Gosh there’s a lot to think about. Take your time and do what’s best for you and what feels right. I know your heart hurts. Wishing you comfort for your family.
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Anything physical? Or just online?
If he has kik he has something else kik is an app to text it does have chats groups but most commonly used for text without having to exchange numbers only you can make a change mama I wish you luck no judgement I took my ex back many times til enough was enough and I knew it wasn’t what I wanted in my life the repeating cycle gets tiring and all the cheating being unappreciated you will come to that point when you just want to end it it’s not impossible either I have 4 kids with my ex and it’s been 3 years since I left
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He remains the same just charges the name!
13 years, red flags along the way, caught more than once, why do you stay? Why are you teaching your children that this is okay? Would you want this for them? Where is your self esteem?
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Till you handle it with grace it will stay in your face!
Why is it as women we are told to think about the family and to work it out, not to break up the family, yet these men cheat knowing what they’re putting at risk and from what OP said it seems it’s not the first time. He’s broken the family by being continously unfaithful, don’t tolerate it. He knew what he was doing and consequences of it and it didn’t stop him.
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Get yourself tested.
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You already know the answer!
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You have set a president that it is ok I won’t do anything. So you need start planning a life with out him or you accept your spouse is not faithful. Take you time to be hurt but after that wake up
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Just dont have a 4th ,or 5th child,please.They are the ones to suffer most…
Flush his phone down the toilet
You stayed for 13 years and you aren’t exactly blown away you know how he is. I recommend couples counseling. That being said what do you want from this person? You are right that you have kids and they need a role model not just a body that lives in your house that they can call Dad who doesn’t do anything. You deserve a partnership with someone who should not have to be told that sex all the time online or not is disrespectful and a sign of a problem even if it’s all online or not. Good luck.
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I was in a situation very similar to this. Many times my ex husband was unfaithful through messages and pictures and I stayed trying to work things out. I eventually found proof that he had actually had sex with someone else. I still stayed for 2 more years. I made myself miserable. We fought all the time. I finally got my ducks in a row and my 3 kids and I moved into our own place. 7 years of marriage and 7 years of being cheated on in one form or another. Think really hard about what you want to do. Only you can decided if you want to stay or not. But from personal experience the longer your let this continue the more he will think what he is doing is acceptable. My kids and I are much happier now.
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Either go poly or leave
Do you think if you were work through it you’ll ever be able to trust him again? You deserve someone who is willing and able to be with only you. And your kids shouldn’t see this discord in the relationship. Because trust me, no matter how hard you try to to hide it from them, they’ll pick up on it! I’d think very carefully about your next move. Good Luck to you, in whatever you decide.
Dump him get to court ASAP!!! Mistakes. I think not!!!
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13 years, red flags from the very beginning and you still stayed. You know what to do!
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Be smart funnel money set yourself up for success , anything he buys you go and cash it in make an escape plan . I’m not harsh but if you gonna cheat then imma get paid until I can financial afford to move out . Will I leave yup but when I’m ready not when he wants me to
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