I’m 36 weeks pregnant, and my boyfriend has agreed to let his mother, her fiancée, and little sister come to visit and stay with us in our two-bedroom apartment the week after I am expected to be due. I have only met these people twice, and we have only exchanged maybe ten words in those meetings. I have tried multiple times throughout my pregnancy to make the mother feel included, yet she only communicates with her son. I have communicated to my s/o that I do not feel comfortable with them staying here, with me being a first-time mother and trying to adjust to life with a new baby and recovering from delivery myself - I’d prefer not to have to do so in front of a crowd of pretty much strangers. He is upset and feels I am selfish for wanting them to stay elsewhere. Am I selfish or should I stick to my guns and politely ask them to make other arrangements?
Stick to your guns. Stress is the last thing you need
If you can’t communicate with your partner you are in big trouble
Stick to your guns. You don’t need all that stress especially a week after you have yalls baby.
He needs to listen to your concerns & ask them to stay else where. You & your boyfriend need this time to bond with yalls child and not have everyone grabbing him/her when they want.
STICK TO YOUR GUNS YOU HAVE A SAY!
Yes you should, or just keep telling yourself it’s only temporary and it’s an opportunity to bond with her.
Stick to your guns. Your world will quickly be turning upside down and you need to be able to handle and process everything without the added stimulus. Specially when it’s not a relaxing supportive environment/relationship.
Stick to your guns and let them stay somewhere else! No one needs that as a first time mom
Say something. I had to. You want to bond with your baby and have that quality family time and in laws can be overbearing.
You are the one recovering from delivering a baby (wether it’s from a c-section or virginal delivery). You say and do what you need to be comfortable.
Stick to your guns. You’re the one who will be recovering and adjusting and its easier to do that witgout anyone else staying in your home. Let them know they’re welcome to stop by and visit for a bit if theyd like but they need to sleep somewhere else.
All these mamas are right. If he cant understand that thats unacceptable, you guys have another problem on your hands… im so sorry girl. I hope they dont end up coming and you get the r&r you need and deserve
How long are they staying? 3 days, get over it. 3 weeks, hell nah!
Is he going to be there to cater to them 24/7? They can stay elsewhere and come visit for a bit or maybe visit at a later date where you wouldnt mind them staying. That’s alot of people while you’re recovering and trying to figure out somewhat of a schedule, and it’s flu season!!
I was literally in this position last year. You have to stick to your guns and let your
s/o know that you’re not comfortable at all, maybe explain to him why you feel uncomfortable?
I’m telling you now STICK TO YOUR GUNS and you will be so thankful later. Recovery from birth and adjusting to having a newborn is stressful as fuck by itself and for most women post birth isn’t pretty, you want to be comfortable in your home during this period not tip toeing around strange people in your house.
Go with how you feel if he doesnt understand or care stay somewhere else
they can wait, your recovery, bonding & adjusting takes precedence over anything else. especially you saying they’re pretty much strangers, don’t need that added stress.
So. Kinda similar situation. I hated my husband’s mother at the time. She came with his aunt who I adore but i sure did make them stay in a hotel. I wanted my own 4 walls to be mine when i wanted it to be down time. Come visit come spend time whatever but when im done i tapped out and they could go else where my husband if baby and i were gonna sleep left too with them for a while but the second I messaged that we were up or I wanted something or whatever he was home in 10 minutes or less.
stick to your guns. Everything is about to change with bringing a baby into the world, you don’t need essentially strangers impeading on time where you have every right to be comfortable & adjusting to a new way of life. Your recovery is more important than the bfs mothers “comfort”.
Where are they all going to sleep, your baby and you need some quiet time after birth not a house full of people.
Stick to your guns. I promise you, the first couple weeks can be rough… trying to adjust to little to no sleep and your body is still going through so much trying to heal, you don’t need added stress. Plus; you may have the “baby blues” the first couple weeks and be very emotional, and I’m sure you don’t want almost strangers to see that. I cried often after both my boys for the first week, and sometimes I don’t even really know why. You and your baby should be made priority. You shouldn’t have to worry about feeling uncomfortable in your own home at such a transitional and important time for both you and baby.
Yea my boyfriend had his brother come stay and even though he was super helpful and kind, I was silently screaming in the bathroom every time I peed. I was hobbling around in so much pain I was so emotional and embarrassed I felt like a wounded animal on display. Say no trust me!
I think you’re wrong, it’s his mother and that should matter to you. His family is your family now so you should treat them so. Gee I wish I had people offer to stay when I was due and after, I’ve never had a single visitor with all my five births…some people just don’t realise how lucky they are when people want to be around.
I agree with you. Maybe if she had made more of an effort to develop a relationship with you beforehand it wouldn’t be such an issue, but she obviously never cared to…
That honestly sounds like a bad idea. They should stay close by in a hotel.
Ugh I had so many people in and out of my house. It was awful. This is a really important time to bond with your baby and you’ll be pretty much topless all the time for breastfeeding and skin-to-skin. Just say that it’s important to you for the three of you to have plenty of alone time to bond with baby. Aka. No f***ing way man.
Do what you feel you need to bringing bubs home is stressful enough I know the first few weeks with both my kids I had very little visits it’s not selfish it’s getting to know an spend time with your bubba an recover
Idk what everyone else is saying, don’t have time to read all these comments, but I wouldn’t do it. She’ll just end up trying to tell YOU how to raise YOUR child, how to feed YOUR child, how to dress YOUR child, etc. No-go for me. I know my bf’s mom but she sounds like she doesn’t care much to know you or what you feel about anything.
It’s his mum off course he’s going too be upset about it l hope your child shows u the same kind off love and respect don’t get me wrong l understand what your saying and if it was anyone else l would agree with you but not his mum
With everything going around and all the sickness it wouldnt be very smart to have them there but that’s just my opinion tho on top of other reasons. Stand your ground
This first 2 weeks need to be just you 3.
Stick to your guns. You need your time to bond and adjust to your complete life change. Dont feel bad either…you are in the right with this.
Ask them to make other arrangements. It’s your bonding time with your baby
Stick your ground! My husbands mom and step dad showed up at the hospital before my first was born. Knowing she was toxic and so was he ( they’ve never been stable and snuck past nurses) and felt they had to be part of everything.
My opinion, I would just say to your man listen Im not being rude, but im the one carrying our baby, this is my first delivery, this is going to be hard for me. I really want this time to be our family together, and after the birth, and us bonding with our baby. Then I’d explain how having more people under the roof after all your about to go through, might be stressful, at a time your going to need him to be there for you and baby. And when you feel better then you can plan a visit, that would be how I’d do that. Good luck to you!
They need to wait to visit 6 weeks
My opinion would be
Even though that’s his mother and I can get he wants them to be involved and to be there to help or whatever BUT!!! that is YOUR home too. So if you’re not comfortable with that then he needs to change somethings!YOU are carrying that baby. YOU are the mother!! Whatever makes YOU comfortable, yes he will be adjusting too, but your body will be going through a LOT of change!! And I think the most respectful thing for them to do is probably go find a hotel close by and stay there and come to visit. And if the in-laws try to over step you in ANY way do NOT being afraid to put your damn foot down and say what you got to say. Do not allow it just because it’s his parents. And he should being taking in consideration how the mother of his child feels!!! And that’s that!!
And do not let him or anyone make you feel like your being selfish! You’re a new mom. Do what makes YOU comfortable if not it will just add stress and heart break to you and that baby and you won’t ever be able to enjoy and be genuinely happy. And right now you and your baby need nothing but positivity, to be COMFORTABLE, to be happy.
I wouldn’t, especially feeling so uncomfortable, its ur home and u shouldn’t b made to feel awkward
Hotel. They can stay at a hotel.
Hell fking NO to that!
Do not do it… trust me… have been there and done it myself…
Tell him no it’s unacceptable, you are having your first child together and REQUIRE your home and privacy…
I would not want ANY guests in my home immediately after having a baby. Not even family! It’s absolutely not the time.
They gotta go!!! That extra stress is not needed. Especially around a new born.
Stick to your guns. Little ones are pretty vulnerable when so small. You don’t need all those extra germs etc in your space when you are trying to get settled and establish a routine and recover.
They can come visit after the first 2 weeks have passed
Either they leave or you leave. Go to your family.
I’ve been married 35 years and any relationship is about communication. But also about understanding his needs and yours. I know this is your first child and you don’t know his mother. But it is his mother. Hopefully you both can have a talk about it and find a way to work together. Congratulations on your baby!
You May be happy for the help after giving birth. Remember this is her grandchild, denying her this opportunity will cause hard feelings that will last a lifetime.
Stick to your guns. He and they are being unreasonable expecting virtual strangers to be in your home when you’ve just given birth.
I agree with everyone stick to your guns and all that do what makes you comfortable. The less stress after having a baby the better…
BUT I just had a baby and I REALLY appreciated having my mom (IK diff between mine vs his) but having someone to help out and watch the baby just so I could get a little sleep was so great
Ok so yes to what everyone before me said about standing up for yourself and putting your foot down. Also, have him read the Lemon Clot essay, it might help put things into perspective. He is the one being selfish, not you. Next time he pushes out or has a watermelon cut out of him, he is more than welcome to have whoever he chooses stay at the house. But until then, your body, your rules.
I have five daughters so I’d say that I know what I am talking about . I will give you a list. #1. You are going to need as much rest as you can get. #2. If at all possible Breastfeeding is absolutely the best nutrition for the baby and it helps to build the immune system as well #3. The baby is sterile you don’t need a bunch of people around the baby . Hand sanitizer’s are every where you go today from gas stations to grocery stores to every seventy feet in a hospital #4 Last thing talk to your Doctor with your boy friend present . He will say the same thing that I have stated. # 5 Viruses are present every where. More people at your house coming and going not a good Idea . # 6 The National average a baby is sick 12 times a year that’s once a month. #7 That’s about all I have to say about that.
Do what you’re comfortable with. You go through so much as a first time mum your body, your emotions you don’t need that. They need a hotel close by and even then there needs to be boundary’s set in place for times they can visit etc. You will be exhausted, uncomfortable and you’ll have hormones flying all over the place. Your other half needs to listen. Otherwise you risk blowing up at someone when it all becomes too much for you!
Good luck mumma you’re going to smash it
Why would they even agree though u have a small apartment and will have a newborn go stay in a B&B or hotel please stick to your instincts I’ve been there and was lenient and trust me I regret it because she made my life hell for a long time because I let it happen every time u need to let your partner know it makes u feel uncomfortable and u need that first few weeks of baby for the two of u your home and privacy are important and that baby needs quiet and time to bond visit fair enough but live with u for a week hell no if your partner doesn’t understand that then he needs to get his priorities checked
Time to get loud! Do not take no for an answer!! This is about to be one of the best, yet most challenging times of your life. Selfish?!? Omg He has no idea what’s coming!! Yikes! He wants to see a selfish person, tell him to go look in the mirror!!! Take care of you Mama b/c he ain’t gonna!
I’m on baby #3. Best thing I can tell you, that I wish someone told me, stick to your guns. Being a 1st time mom is hard, but add to everything being new to you. Tell your man if he truely loves you he will ask them not to stay. If he doesn’t then you need to call them and tell them yourself.
Absolutely not if you have had your baby you need that time to be together just the three of you as a family to bond and if you go over due your going to be so uncomfortable (sorry). If you don’t mind I’d like to pass on some advice I was given as a first time mum Trust your instincts. Congratulations being a mum can be tough but is also the greatest gift in the world xx
Mom it’s a wonderful yet difficult time for a new mom. Stick to your guns.
We had a rule. No visitors for the first week after we got out of the hospital. We had a week of adjusting to parenthood and it was hectic, sleepless bliss. Stick to your guns hun.
Your absolute not selfish the first time you give birth and have to recover and learn to be a new mom is hard enough you don’t need other people to entertain!
Dont be talked into letting people stay if you dont want them too, its crazy enough bringing a baby home never mind having to learn alot infront of people you arnt all that comfortable around, for the first 2 weeks i had my partners mum take our dog cause she was so bouncy and i was a paranoid wreck about her tipping the moses basket over, your going to have enough stress to deal with, if you dont want them staying over maybe you could compromise with your partner and say they could visit for an hour or 2 every day while theyre up visiting so they can bond with the baby too, but also their time is limited so they dont over stay their welcome and yous also still have plenty time to yourselves? X
Stick to your guns. I really wish I had. I had a very similar situation happen.
Stick to your guns And shoot him in the ass while you’re at it. He sounds like a dumbass ignorance immature fuckwhit
Stick to your guns they’re been unreasonable and should not want to impose on you as a new mother and especially through your recovery period
You are absolutely not being selfish. I can tell you from experience, you will NOT want to be bothered with anyone after you have gone through labor and delivery, especially people that you are not comfortable around in a two bedroom apartment?! No, he should definitely be understanding of your feelings regarding this.
Big fat nope! They can think whatever they want. SOME women want a herd of people around them when they get home…SOME women do not. I fall in the do NOT category. My inlaws lived on the same property when we had our first, and I had strict rules. Yes, I know it’s your first biological grandchild for his mom, but shes also my first child. I’m a more private person by nature and I don’t like others in my house in general. The inlaws could come visit, but they had to give me warning as I would likely be half dressed, smelling like spit up and dirty diapers and I can’t promise my boobs would be covered if they just came walking in, lol.
Once the rules were laid out, argued about and then firmly set in place, it was great really. If I was particularly tired, MIL was always wanting to he, so she’d take my daughter to her place for a while so I could nap or she’d bring prepared oven meals that I could just heat up for the husband when he was ready.
Anyway, put your foot down. You just went through the whole process and have every right to be in your home, as quiet and calm and relaxed as possible.
If he’s upset over something like this he needs to get over it and put himself in your shoes. You’re the one about to give birth and the week after giving birth is all about bonding with the baby and resting when you can and recovery…you don’t need them there or stress they put on you . Maybe they should be more involved and even then they shouldn’t stay there.
They should have more respect than that!
So that would be a hell no from me. His mother or not she cant even respect you enough to speak to you. So that would be strike one in general. Why would they even think staying with you in a tiny apartment is a good idea for a new mother recovering from child birth. Strike 2 and 3. They sound selfish and disrespectful. That is an extremely stressful time for you and it will be exhausting and painful. The stress will hurt you more and upset baby.
My mil stayed with us for a week after my 2nd child was born and honestly as much as I love her it sucked. All she did was nap and hang out on my couch. She didnt help with anything and she made a mess in my kitchen. And my husband wanted to kiss her butt. So he kept going and spending money we didnt have on shit for her. So they caused more issues… just in general dont do it. I wouldnt want my own family at my house at that point in time.
Plus as someone who works at a hospital and has seen my share of sick babies and kids come in and out. I dont recommend visitors for awhile. There’s several types of colds and flus going around currently and some are pretty nasty and hard to get rid of. Rsv is no joke with a newborn. My son got it at 2 weeks and we were in the hospital for 5 days. It was a very scary time for me.
Also you dont know their habits. Do they smoke? Are they clean people? Will they respect you wishes? Will they wash their hands before touching baby? Their strangers to you. You dont know how they will act.
All around you dont need to be cleaning up after 3 extra people on top of yourself, baby and boyfriend.
You need to sit down and have a heart to heart. And flat out say no they’re not staying here. This isnt up for discussion. He needs to respect why they cant stay with you. He’s not the one who gave birth and he’s not the one healing and having to go through some traumatic shit. Plus who knows when ppd will hit you and cause alot more issues.
The whole situation is just a hell no all around. Your house, your body, your baby, personal space, your right to say no and your mental/physical health need to be respected.
I personally feel like they shouldn’t come AT ALL until you’re comfortable. Those first few weeks post partum can be very emotional. It’s not your job to entertain guests. I wouldn’t invite anyone over before you give birth. I would wait until after so you can gage how you’re feeling. So yes stick to your guns!
Tell them no. There is no need to add to the stress of recovering from child birth and learning to be a mom. If she wants to be apart of the event at all she needs to communicate with you as well as your boyfriend.
Girl after giving birth I guarantee you’ll be telling EVERYBODY to f*** off birth changes you, I had zero patience for anybody that wasn’t my baby !! you’ll be healing and enjoying getting to know your little guy/girl. Tell him HE can go stay with THEM
No your not being selfish
He is the selfish one!
Stick to your gun. The relatives should also understand
That right you need the couple of weeks to figure out stuff on your own an know your not selfish
No no no no no no, nope! You stick to your guns. I’m a mom of four and I would never have wanted anybody, even my own mother staying with me after I had those babies. That is your time to recover and bond. You need to have your boyfriend tell them that it is not a good time to stay with you. Good luck!
Idk, I’ve been married 20 years with 3 kids. I was controlling with my MIL, I regret it now. Just keep in mind that you will deal with these people forever. How long have you been dating your bf?
They can stay a motel and visit during the day…Thst gives a visit and you a break from them.
So 5 people soon to be 6 in a 2 bedroom APARTMENT? Is he mental? H to the ell no. And you know what is going to happen, she’ll be criticizing how your taking care of baby, etc… Stop that train and cancel those tickets to crazy town ASAP!
I’d say no… lol I wouldn’t want my fiancé’s mother to stay here. No way in hell.
I wouldn’t want them to stay either
Cause i didnt no them
I would make them leave
Go else where
Parents are important, but not nearly as important as your own damn family.
Wish people started to understand that.
Oh hell no!! Mama, you tell him that they aren’t staying with you guys. How dare he make that decision without your consent! No. You are absolutely, 100% right and within your right to say they can’t stay with you guys. And while you’re at it, tell that little “BOY”(surely not a man)friend of yours to stay wherever they’re going to stay. He obviously cares for them more than he cares about his own immediate family (you and baby).
He should stand beside you WHATEVER you decide. This is your home, your baby, your family, his equal.
Stick to your guns. The healing process after giving birth so emotional and personal. Having strangers around could really mess with your emotions and may even cause some depression… because you know they are going to want to be holding your baby… if they can’t find time to build a solid relationship with you, than you can’t find room in your appartment to house them.
Stick to your guns! He has no idea what kind of pain you will be in! Tell him they can stay in a hotel and come visit for a very short period of time. You will be overwhelmed with the new baby. He needs to stand beside you and not worrying of pissing off his mom. Plus his side of the family needs to show more respect than that. Thats incredibly rude!
Definitely stick to your guns. Life will be so different and you need time and space to be able to adjust. Good luck x
Two bedroom apartment is too small for that many people. Call your landlord and ask if that’s even okay. I’d hate to be you. Kick them out on behalf of saftey policy and living concerns within complex. That way you’re still being friendly, but just following rules.
You’re not selfish at all! You have every right to decide who is around your newborn and in your home, even if you share it with your partner. The only thing I have to say in their defense is to tell them not to book/make alternate/cancel travel and lodging accomodations asap.
Dont do anything your not comfortable with. If they give a damn about you they will understand. Its your home, body and special time. Stick up for yourself. It took me the whole 10 yrs between my sons to realize this.
Becoming a new mom is stressful enough.
You don’t need strangers in your space while you learn what your baby likes and dislikes and needs.
It’s selfish of him to not consider the fact that this is a life changing thing for you and it’s going to be difficult enough as it is without people you don’t feel comfortable around in your space.
Shit take your baby and run for the hills. Been there and done this… I allowed it and a few weeks later his momma and family is taking over and I’m carrying my 7 weeks old baby down the street no where to go cuz mommy moving in and we gotta go
Your not selfish. He needs to understand that it will be hectic enough. If his mother does not even try with you to have a relationship but wants to be right there in the middle it sounds like a power trip. I’ve seen this situation before and no good come of it. Yes you need to sit down and have a talk with your boyfriend and his mother to figure out why she does not want to talk to you but now is not the time. After you heal from having your baby is the time. Stand your ground now or they will never show you any respect.
I wouldn’t say that they couldn’t stay. I would say though that you set the rules- when it’s quiet, how long it’s quiet for, if you need this or that they cater to it. It’s his family, they’re excited and it’s only temporary. They’re excited too and want to see the baby. I would have him completely responsible for catering to his family though. This could be a good opportunity for you and his family to bond as well.
If you don’t stick up for yourself now it will just get worse… his mom will more than likely try to be controlling down the road too and you guys are living in a two bedroom which is way too small for all of you… if they do end up staying there I would make other arrangements for me and baby… if you have family close by maybe you can stay with them? I know it’s not the same as being alone but at least you know them better!
I can see your stress about this but I would be very worried about the long term effects it will have on your relationship with your S/O and his family moving forward.
No your not selfish. It’s understandable ,
Stick to your grounds. It sounds horrible to begin your healing and 4th trimester in front of a crowd of strangers crowding your space. People need to understand a mothers needs
I can understand where He’s coming from, but at the same time, He’s expecting too much from you so soon after having a baby. Having house guests is a pain in the ass on a normal day, let alone after giving birth and caring for a newborn. You shouldn’t have to cater to extra people.