I would rather be a single parent than suffer from a blended family. I’m in the middle of a very nasty divorce. People say to me, “you will meet someone else and have more children don’t worry,” but a blended family makes me uncomfortable. I understand that my daughter will one day have a stepmother, so why would I make her have to put up with a stepfather and step-siblings? I’ve always wanted more children, but I couldn’t do that to my child. I’ve always wanted a family, but a blended family is just second best, and if I can’t have it the proper way, then I don’t want it anyway. Am I the only one who feels like this, or will my feelings change once everything settles?
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Are you a part of a blended family? I’m curious of where you got the idea that its a negative thing
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This has been my feeling always. No I’m not changing either for anyone. You’re aloud to feel how you want. There my kids and I’m selfish and no idc.
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Likely change. Best wishes!
It will change (hopefully). Sometimes in life things don’t work how you want them but it could be because of a bigger plan. Just give yourself time to heal first.
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I initially felt this way too. 4 yrs after, i had my 2nd child. Emotions are fickle things that change often. Dont worry about it right now
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What’s do wrong about a blended family ours works out great
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I felt that way . eventually that goes away . you are grieving your prior family and life that was. Its still there. Just in a different way .give yourself time . and heal ! Best wishes. I know its hard 
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Family is what you make it and if you have such negative feelings about blended families, then it’ll never work for you. It’s all up to you.
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Im from a big blended family and i loved it growing up!
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Everyone is different. Things change. I felt the same in the beginning and most times what I experienced made this sound better for the kids. Someone is always petty. Things change people get older and if your lucky you’ll run into what you need. Hugs. Nobody is wrong. Everyone has the right to have a life the way they feel comfortable. My kids actually told me to start dating. Hugs.
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Get through your divorce, focus on you and your daughter and worry about all the extra shit later. If it happens it happens if not then you’re stressing for no reason.
I am part of a blended family and it is nothing but love. My mom and step dads ex wife worked hard to get along to the point that we took family vacations. It is all in what you make it. Right now, you still have hurt and Anger. My mom had my sister when I was 13 and she is one of my best friends. As far as my step sister and brother, we don’t use the word step. We are a family.
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You will think differently one day. Just choose wisely.
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Blended families aren’t always a bad thing. I’m a mom to 7 (4 of my own and 3 bonus kids). I’ve been thru divorce twice and it isn’t easy (worse on the kids honestly). It’s a personal decision and while your stance could change, it’s not up to those of use who are okay with blended families to change your mind. Best of luck to you!
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A blended family isn’t second best. Maybe one day your feelings will change.
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Thats really weird honestly. What is so bad about it. It would only be bad if yiu did it to your child and then divorced again leading to broken bonds.
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My husband and I have 6 kids. 3 I gave birth to. 3 are his. I adopted his 2 older kids. Youngest has a mom in his life. There is. Nothing wrong with our family. Husbands ex is very involved and we are all friends. My ex is very involved and we are friends. It’s only as hard as you make it. All kids are treated equal. I find it selfish not to allow your kids a family of some sort
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My family is blended. And so is my sons. I have gained wonderful family members who treat me better than my own blood family.
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I mean, you’re entitled to your feelings. 
You may find someone that changes your mind but only the future can tell. My kids see my long-time bf as a stepdad. We don’t have any kids together and he doesn’t have any of his own. But they don’t “suffer” his presence. They love him. And they wouldn’t “suffer” siblings if we ever had kids together. He loves them and treats them wonderfully.
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Idk but I love my blended family. The best thing that has ever happened for my children and myself. Our family is now 2 times bigger than it was. It was a struggle at first but just like everything else you put the work in and the outcome is beautiful.
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I don’t see anything wrong with a blended definitely since I was raised in one. It was honestly double the love having a bonus mom and a stepsister. I didn’t see any selfishness being raised.
Speaking as someone in a completely opposite situation 2 kids 2 dad’s and the guy I’m with at the moment isn’t the father of either.
I completely understand where you’re coming from and you do you and whatever you feel is best. But if it does eventually feel ok. Don’t hold yourself back just make sure you’re on contraception that works before hand (learn from my mistake)
Wouldn’t change my kids for the world but I’d change their dad’s in a heart beat
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I resect your feelings towards blended families. Although, I must say, I had my daughter young and her father and I are not together. I met my husband when I was pregnant with her & we have had a blended family for over 8 years. I am currently pregnant with my 2nd daughter - but in our family there are no steps or halfs. We’re just family. Everything has been wonderful.
But like I said, I can totally respect your outlook.
I came from a really messed up blended family situation and feel the exact same way you do, to this day lol
When my husband and I started seeing each other I made it clear from the start I wanted no more kids and even had my times tied also had told him if he had kids we never would have started dating, he loves my kids but he ever wanted kids of his own so it all worked out great
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We have a blended family my three daughters from a previous marriage have a new step dad and step mom and some more siblings from both. We all get along as co parents and the girls love all the support. I guess it just depends on the situation
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Ok so i half agree. When I wassingle with my two boys and doing all the online dating stuff, I passed over most men with children because I was having a rough separation from my ex. I still don’t know that if today (even though I have a decent relationship with my ex) that I would be interested in dating men with children. Its not selfish although I’m sure it sounds like it, it’s just more that I have a lot of drama issues in my life with my ex and my family that I don’t know if there was friction with the other family, that I could handle it mentally. I ended up marrying a man with no kids which was HARD because he had no idea where to start and my kids weren’t babies so it was and 3 years later, still is a huge adjustment because he’s starting from scratch with all the problems that first time new parents have. It’s been hard. But it’s been rewarding to watch him grow into a father figure. A man who Already had kids would be adjusted and understanding more of kids and kids issues BUT he would have already established his methods of Parenting with his own children and that can clash with your own. So I see what you’re saying.
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Same. Unless the kids are way older I dont want my daughter to have step siblings. I just dont want my daughter to gon through anymore stress and i dont want to have to worry about someone mistreating her.
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My family is blended and I definitely don’t feel like it’s second best. It is definitely the best outcome.
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I felt like that too while I was going through my divorce. My new husband and I have 5 kids between us. My step daughter, my 2 from my first marriage, and our 2 from this marriage. You’ll probably change your mind later.
I won’t date someone else with kids. I have 3 and I would hate losing children that I grow attached to. So I def understand
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Don’t remarry and have more kids. If you don’t like the idea, don’t do it. She’ll grow up one day and then you can remarry, or not.
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I have a blended family , we both got together have one child each from previous relationships and then we had two more children together, it’s the real thing and there is no such thing as second best. Actually my situation now is no stress and way healthier then my first. All kids never been happier
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Maybe it’s for the best. I wouldn’t want to join a family with someone who thinks like this, and would treat my child poorly just because my child isn’t biologically theirs.
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You need to do some growing up. Calling a blended family second best…I cant with you.
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I see where you are coming from. I never wanted my kids to have extra siblings and step parents, I just wanted our real family to work. But then you meet an amazing guy with kids that helps you and your daughter and he loves and cares about you as a family and that all changes. Bc sometimes a blended family is exactly what a kid needs to heal.
My brother and I are technically half siblings. I never think of the half. My mom never mentioned it. He’s just my brother. I always thought I would stay with my ex husband forever. That didn’t happen and now I’m with a great guy and have a baby boy on the way. I would never think of my boyfriend or either of my son’s as second best. But that’s just me. Everyone is different
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It is extremely hard to blend families. I wouldn’t advise it. Been there and too many obstacles. Keep separate households until the kids are grown.
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I get it, your feelings are all over with everything going on. But don’t close your heart completely, just temporarily. One day you’ll find someone that will make you see how horribly you’ve been treated until then. Do you babygirl and the rest will come in time, however it will go.
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I have an honest question.
Do you honestly believe you will find a potential partner that 1. Doesn’t have kids or 2. Doesn’t want kids?
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Think you need to stay on your own tbh.
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Blending my family with my husbands was the best thing to happen to all concerned. We have 6 kids in all and all partys behave like regular siblings if not closer.
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Im a child from a blended family. I am grateful for it! I have a stepfather who I adore, a stepmother who is wonderful, a half brother who I’m nuts about and 2 stepsisters who are just sisters and have given me a neiece and nephew. I am blessed to have each of those people in my family. And that doesnt include all the extended family I have that I love as well.
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Best thing that ever happened to me and my daughter was gaining her three step sisters and her step father.
You can feel however you want to feel. That doesn’t mean it right or acceptable tho. That’s a very immature way of looking at things. There isn’t a “proper way” to have a family.
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I think it’s best you do stay on your own. No child deserves you as their stepmother if that’s your attitude.
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Unfortunately I grow up in a blended family and it was very toxic but I feel like if you find the right person it won’t feel that way
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Everyone has the right to their opinions. You’re going through a nasty divorce so you will likely feel that way for a while. Your feelings may change and they may not however your plan isn’t set in stone and things happen for a reason. Some people’s first marriages last a life time others it takes 10 before it’s right. Just because it’s a blended family doesn’t mean that its gonna be bad. My son has a step mother 3 step-siblings and a half brother on his dads side and a step dad and 3 half siblings on my side. Blended just means more love and happiness. I never wanted that either but life threw me a divorce then a second child.
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Let it settle. Things might change and I personally know SEVERAL blended families that are AMAZING with each other and do not see each other as second class family members. Hell, some of my own relatives have blended families.
Do not push yourself, but do not turn down what could very well be the absolute BEST THING that could happen to you AND your kids over this.
My family is blended and while not always easy it is a wonderful blessing
I can imagine life any different!!! You may miss out on your blessings with that attitude towards others
Bless your delusional heart… that mindset is so toxic. best thing that has ever happened to my family is the bleneded family we built. And I want my kids to know that there is life after heartbreak!
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I think the only thing I can really say is… When u decide to go back in the dating scene if you do… Try not to make it a make or break point, I feel like you/anyonecould lose sight of who a person is for you if you refuse to make it an option.
I have always said I would only ever have one dad to all my children but never ruled out meeting someone new. Now I’m one and done and still married to her father so can’t speak on the rest.
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My mom and dad had me and my 2 sisters I’m 11months older from my 1st sister and 4years older than my 2nd sister. My mom met a dude had another kid I’m 16years older than my brother. which is fine were still close. well then she met another dude and had another kid this time 20yr age difference and honestly I feel weird and disconnected from this one and shes pregnant again and I’ll be 21yrs older than this one and I already know I have no attachment Also expecting my first niece at the same time. So personally I wont ever want or accept a blended family of my own. whoever I marry has to be it whatever kids we have is it and if we break up that is it.
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My family is blended and I wouldn’t have it any other way… in my house we don’t use words like step or half. We r all just mom’s dad’s brothers and sisters. It’s your opinion, but sounds ignorant to me.
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I felt the same way for a long time… I loved my life with just me and my kids but My children begged me for a step dad. I met my husband 2 years ago and he is the best step parent you could ask for. He treats my children as if they are his own. He never acts like they aren’t his. There are truly some amazing people out there.
When you meet the right person with the right family dynamic it is a blessing not a curse.
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Maybe it’s for the best. I wouldn’t want to date and have a family with someone who thinks like you. You would probably just treat your step children poorly.
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Very sad narrow minded thinking. Wow!!
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As the youngest kid in a blended family I definitely have thoughts. I have 5 older siblings none of which are my full blood but I absolutely love them all to the fullest possible… I could not imagine not having all of us as siblings. My brothers are technically my dad’s and my sisters are technically my moms but we are all just siblings as far as we’re concerned and love each other no matter…
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Also for some of yall judging. Different strokes for different folks
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Second best? Maybe you should stay single…I think any future stepchild would be unfortunate to have you as their step parent. I have two beautiful boys…one from a prior relationship and one with my now husband…our family is amazing and my husband is an incredible stepfather to my oldest…and my oldest loves his step father and little brother like nothing else in this world…your comment is really hurtful…
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depends on the relationship. I have seen some that work so well together and the adjustment became so normal and then I have seen some that just didn’t work and became hostile. Every situation is different, one day at a time is all you can do… you may be surprised how things can make us change the way we think. Best of luck to you and your daughter whichever way it goes.
I have had nothing but a pleasant experience with blending families. But i found an amazing man who is an amazing father to his kids and we dont discipline one anothers children unless its an emergency like situation where something has to be done then and there. Find a good person that raised good children and it shouldnt be an issue. Also highly recommend waiting until the kids meet until you know youre serious about one another. Makes a huge difference for the kids too. Kids want to see their parents happy. So, do what ever makes you happy. No one is living your life but you 
So if you were to meet a man… and he had kids and wanted something real with you and you were really into him…you’d tell him to fuck off because you won’t accept he has kids?? Is that right?
There is no proper way of having a family. Blended families are what you make of it and if this is your attitude about it then maybe its best you never be a step mother and youd better pray your daughter never has a step mother who feels this way
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Wow. I’m am shocked at the responses some of you have on this!
I’ll tell you right now, I have a blended family and it’s real we have kids together and each of us have a child from a previous relationship. I consider myself so lucky to have a son that is not my blood, but 100% mine, Just like my other children. I think some of you need to remember that life happens, and yeah it might be hard at times, but if you wake up every day and put the children before your own selfishness, you can be so happy!!!
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Wow you should most definitely stay single, especially with that nasty attitude towards something like this.
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I think your feelings may evolve. It can be extremely scary but also can do enrich your kid’s life to find another adult who loves them and supports them. And it’s important lesson for her also to see her mom happy, that there is love after heartbreak .
My husband is an amazing step dad and the kids adore him. He makes us all smile and laugh and feel loved and appreciated and supported.
I’m gonna say this so I don’t hurt some feelings. My family (and MANY others) are not second best to YOURS just because it’s blended. 
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Then don’t open ur legs and stay single
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I feel the same way my children are very young and me and their dad split three years ago and I’ve been single the entire time honestly we both still want to be together but theirs things that he not willing to do so I had to move on and oh dear god I do miss him but I’m scared to have a blended family and I’m not sure what to do with the scared feeling so I just be alone although I am open to the idea Of being blended I just haven’t met anyone
Once upon a time I felt the same way.
I ended up changing my mind when I got pregnant with my oldest son.
My blended family is literally the best I could ask for. My teenager loves her sister and dad more than anything, and he is not her biological father. Don’t deny your chileren enriching relationships, because it isn’t what you feel is ideal.
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By the sounds of it, your ‘proper’ way of doing it made you and your daughter suffer anyway. When my mum met my stepdad when I was 6, it was the best thing that happened to me. I had holidays, bike rides, bbqs, more people to go visit at Christmas time… so many memories. Your view on it is toxic. And you should stay on your own, because no man or child needs that kind of attitude getting brought to the table.
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Sometimes blending families are the best thing to come of a shitty relationship. I grew up with all but 1, out of 9, being my real family . And we did great… much better then the spot me and my sister were in
I never wanted a blended family either but once I got over everything and was single for a couple years having someone else was still not on my mind but i can honestly say that my now husband now married 3 years is the best ever and he has 2 children with his ex wife and i had one child with my ex and we have one together and i love all the babies we do have custody of all four and my ex is not in my child’s life and neither is his ex wife in the other 2s life (their choice they do not have any visitation to the children but we would let them see them if they actually wanted to but they just dont want to) anyways I love my little blended family and wouldn’t trade anything
I have nothing nice to say to you
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Blended families are not second best. Yes they are difficult. Not going to lie at all. Theyre a real pain in the ass alot of the time. I have 5 bio kids and 5 step kids. At anytime i have between 5 and 9 kids living with me. Its insane. But i love my “step” kids just as much as i love my bio kids. If thats how you feel, dont do it because youll end up being shitty to the step kids and that isnt right at all.
Yes. You’re absolutely selfish and your moronic rant makes me believe you’re highly immature. Not all families are perfect. Get over it
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This is the same sort of thinking that makes people jump to conclusions about people who don’t want kids, are happy with one, don’t want to get married, etc… an individual should be applauded for knowing what they can handle in every sense of the word. And if it’s anxiety inducing to think about having a blended family then by all means find ways to be content with the single life.
Some very harsh comments on here for no real reason.
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My step father raised me from 4 years on. He was the best thing that ever happened to me… & honestly, I never even thought of him as my step dad. My parents are now divorced & he is still my dad. It’s not always bad 
You seem to be in a really dark place right now. I promise you that things will get better in your life and you will find the perfect person to share you and your daughters lives with. And your daughter will grown up to have four loving parent-figures in her life. And you may be so lucky to be a great step mom to a kiddo who needs it.
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Your ignorance is unbelievable.
I really hope that your narrow mindedness doesn’t hold you back from finding happiness in the future.
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When I was in your position, I thouht and said the same things. I even sworn that if I wanted more kids that I will have them by my son’s dad. 2 years later, I am married and we have a lil boy of our own. What I learned was that this is now not tomorrow. Be optimistic and stay strong. Keep your head up having another baby daddy or hubby is not a bad thing. God has a plan and you cant control it. You will know when the time is right and your kids will show you. The bond between my boys is unbreakable. My son struggles with my hubby “bothering him”, but my son is the one who asked me if he can be his 2nd daddy. So if anything let your kids guide you. My son is now askinf his dad to get him a 2nd mommy now. I have 7 brothers with a different moms/dads 3 have the same mom and Im the only “odd ball out” different dad linked togethee by the 3 brothers from my mom yet im the rock their go to person our bond is unbreakable blood dont make family love makes a famioy
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You do realize you re COMING HARD for blended families right? We aren’t “2nd best” to single other family out there. You re wild lmao. Guessing we know who the problem in that relationship was. You enjoy being lonely and single while us mixed families live our best lives 
. Have fun with that. 
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Family is family, no matter how it’s made.
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You need to address your biases. Any family that loves and grows is proper.
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My mom already had 2 kids when she met my dad. If he thought the way you do, I wouldn’t be here.
I’m still with the father of my kids but if we ever broke up I’d like to think we could be mature enough to let each other move on.
My blended family is a million times better, happier, and healthier for my son than the abusive marriage I had with his dad.
Not only does he have an amazing, happy blended family at my house, he has a happy family at his dads too. We are all so much better off.
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Once you allow yourself time to heal you may change your mind. But you may not, my mom never got remarried or brought a man to live with us. I was happy for that as a kid, but now I’m kinda sad my mom is alone. I have seen amazing blended families though, and not all are bad.
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I felt the same way. So, I waited to get married until the youngest one of three graduated from college and all of them were gone from home. I was 47 when I remarried a wonderful man who also had three children and gone from home too. I waited 22 years. It sounds like a long time, but I don’t regret, the wait was worth it🥰 I was blessed with a WONDERFUL man🥰
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Family is family there’s no such thing has step family half family blended family it’s simply just family I have a step son and yes was hard at first but years on I love him and our family and I love the fact my daughter has an older brother and the love she had for him is not half sibling love its pure brother sister love
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It’s sad that you’re so close minded to the idea. I have a blended family and we ALL get along and do what’s best for ALL the kids. Period.
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Blended family here and damn proud my childhood sweetheart passed away 5 months after the birth of our son. I never pictured moving on but then i met an amazing man we are a Blended family and absolutely love one another he adopted my son and we are currently fostering with plans to adopt🥰 Blended doesn’t mean less it just means more love to go around.
I have three kids…19, 17, and 15. My boyfriend of five years has 4…16, 14, 13 and 10. My kids father and his kids mom are not involved. I always wanted a big family…now i do. I love it. It’s crazy and hectic. It costs lots of money and two vehicles to do anything…and it is AMAZING.
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This just has to be a fake post… right?
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Wait… is divorce ‘proper’? Lol. Ideals change. Be open to it.
I grew up in a blended family. My step mother is a wonderful woman, she and my dad had a son together. I consider myself lucky to have 2 amazing moms. 2 brothers and a Dad thays always there. Blended families are the best IMO.
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Thats a bleak way to look at a blended family… If my mom felt that way I wouldn’t be alive.
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