I do not like the way my husband talks to our child: Advice?

Stand up for your child. Even if it’s against her father, defend your child. As a child who was in this situation, she will grow up with anger in her heart towards both of you. Stand up for her.

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Record him. Maybe he thinks you’re being dramatic so this will show him 

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Do you know how he was raised? I’m curious if this is how his father parented him. I’m not excusing the behavior, but this may be something that isn’t corrected by you talking to him. They may need to go to therapy together and him individually to help improve their relationship. Don’t let it go unresolved. It won’t get better and your daughters heart will stay broken.

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Defend the child. Tell your man to kick rocks. He can stay with you & the children if he can act right. This isn’t complicated. Just because you love him does NOT mean you condone his behavior.

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Gentle Parenting
Parenting With Connection
The B Team

You Definately have to advocate for your child…

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I suggest some parenting classes. Or there are you tube videos that day care workers watch when going into daycare. I did have the link but trying a career in daycare didn’t pan out for me in my job search. But there are a ton of resources for all kinds of child development. Shoot even therapy that revolves around maybe some anger management and the proper way to go about disciplining? If he’s willing to see an error in his ways and go about any resource he can find to better his relationship with his children then he’s definitely a keeper.

Always remember she will think its normal. You do NOT want that. It happened to me with my EX and he seen that with my new husband that he would take a bullet for me and him. He knows what love is suppose to be My husband treats him better than his real father. With everything… it took awhile fore to get out. He was 16 when I divorced him. Then it was I will change I said u had ur chance…

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It will only make her hate her dad more and more.

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He does it one more time walk out with the kids

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He’s abusive and he’s doing it with your consent. Every time he treated her like that in front of you she sees she’s alone.

He’s also very dangerous at this point because any public pushback from you at this point will create more rage.

Find a program that helps people in domestic violence relationships and start making a safety plan. Get to safety as soon as possible.

Teach her not to accept emotional abuse as love which is what she’s being taught now.

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Talk to him about it again and ask him if he would be open to learning some new skills so you can get on the same page and also having one on one time with the kids for both you and him. Come at it from a team aspect perhaps?? See if he’s more inclined to listen and take it in than get defensive.
But at the end of the day, if this continues, you may need to take a harder path and tell him this isn’t how you want family life or relationship to be and you won’t continue on if nothing changes because your kids and having a happy home are important to you.

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Oh…Hell No!!!:angry: Tht should have Never Started in tha first place!!!:expressionless:

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Correct him! You stick up for your baby always!
How is he supposed to correct her behavior if he himself is going about it the wrong way.
It’s not about picking a fight with him it’s about letting him know that is not ok with you and it’s not ok for your baby to be disciplined in that way.
If he cannot see it then you put your foot down and don’t let that happen

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Definitely advocate for your child and straight up tell him how what he is doing makes her feel

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Parenting classes for both of you!!! Asap! Stand up for you child. She doesn’t have her voice yet. She won’t ever have one if this continues. Please seek help.

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Girl omgosh I’m in a similar situation. Pm me and I’ll explain

Girrrrllll you better go stick up for your baby!!! Do not let him bully her! It’s one thing to discipline it’s another to bully that child every single day. Y’all are traumatizing her and not realizing that y’all are raising a broken human with that treatment. If she already questions his love … you’re in trouble.

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You need to confront him in the moment! You are your child’s advocate, if you think she’s not being treated properly it’s your job to protect her period!

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Protect your babies. If you don’t nobody will

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Absolutely no-one gets to bully your child. If he can’t control his anger that’s completely on him and you need to protect your baby. If you let this continue she won’t be able to trust you either.

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Dump him and move on to a healthy relationship for you and your children!

He screams down a six year old so the point is she thinks he doesn’t love her! You put a stop to it and you defend your child

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he woulda got slapped if it was me. lol dad or not i get protective over my kids.

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Years ago my son was parenting this way. When I was visiting, I recorded him with my tablet, it shocked him to the core. He has really worked hard on changing and communicating. Let him hear how he sounds AND tell him she feels he doesn’t love her! Time for truth and shock value to get through to him.

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Tell him exactly what your daughter said to you about him not loving her. Maybe he will understand and make some changes on how he speaks to her.

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Do not tell your child that someone who is abusive loves her. Love is not abusive. Abuse is not love. She is counting on you to protect her.

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Stand up for her in the moment.

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Definitely need to get some family counseling before your oldest starts puberty and the terrible teens. Dad needs to get his anger and frustration under control.

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  1. You need to confront him in the moment, prove to your daughter that you’re in her corner.
  2. If you can’t do so safely, you need to leave.
  3. IMO you’ve given more than enough of a correction, and you need to leave now.
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Leave…grow up!!! Baby daddy…kids come first!!!

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I’d tell him “your daughter no longer feels loved by you because of the shit you say. Fix it or we’re leaving.”

That is absolutely unacceptable behavior. If he doesn’t fix it you need to show your daughter it isn’t ok, otherwise she’ll bring home someone that treats her the same. Don’t do it, put your foot down even if it’s scary and hurts.

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You put him in his damn place and protect your child. Sounds like you have all ready let it go on for too long. He has already caused that little girl emotional damage.

You’ve tried it privately. Now call him out on it on the spot. Let her see you sticking up for her

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You put him in his place right then and there and in front of her so she knows her worth and what she deserves!! I’m all for dealing with issues privately but if that hasn’t worked time to put your foot down. Would he want a man treating his daughter like this? Probably not so tell him to stop being a hypocrite and shitty dad

Stand by your child. Start documenting (go back) all of this. Doing so it may help if it goes to court. Not all abuse is physical. This is verbal/emotional abuse. If it were me I’d DEMAND marriage AND family counseling in hopes of it changing him for the better. But if he refused I’d file for divorce, custody, child support, & alimony.

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Video his meltdowns and play it back to him later when he’s calm. If that doesn’t help him re-evaluate his behavior, show it to a family therapist when the 3 of you go for family counselling.
If he refuses to go, it may be time to re-evaluate your marriage. It’s up to you to protect your daughter.
Allowing his behavior is teaching her to accept bullying and abuse from males. It is setting her up to accept poor relationships in her future.

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You tell him that his daughter came to you in confidence and said that every time he talks to her she feels like he does not love her. And that he needs to 1. Apologize and express to her how much he loves her and have that heart to heart. He needs to be vulnerable and explain that he is a human and human make mistakes but he wants her to feel loved and he will change how he approaches her. 2. He needs to change his behavior indefinitely. 3. He needs to spend time bonding with her to rebuild what he has broken in her.

That will scar that poor girl FOR LIFE. If he does not do all of those steps, you need to leave. Because your children and their spirits come first and they deserve someone better to live their adolescent lives out with or else she will resent you.

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I call my husband out in front of my child. My children will always know that it doesn’t matter who it is, they are not to be talked to like they are trash.

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He needs anger management classes and possibly medication

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Stick up for her in front of her so she can feel like she’s not alone n remind hubby that not everyone responds to intimidation

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Try to record him and play it back. Some males don’t realize the weight their words have . Ya daughter is gonna have daddy issues if this isn’t nipped in the bud.

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I cannot believe you let him speak to her that way at all, but especially for this long! The first 7 years of a child’s life are the most crucial to how they will think, feel, and act. She is already 6. So she is growing up thinking her father hates her. Shame on him. Shame shame shame.

If I even suspect my husband isn’t talking to our girls in a way I like we will fight. A man ESPECIALLY can’t treat a little girl with that kind of behavior. How would your husband like it if she grew up thinking that’s the way a man should talk to a woman???

One of our daughters is my husband’s bio child and if he ever treated her that way we would have a huge problem. He would be changing his ways real fast or we would have serious problems.

Children need to be protected, bio parent or not you cannot treat a child like shit and call it discipline.

He needs to fix this and as her mother you need to tel him he needs to fix it asap or honestly, I would leave him.

I will never ever let any man/woman even my child’s biological father treat them in a shitty way ever. I won’t allow it and if that means the child needs a break then the child gets a break from seeing them until they learn how to speak to a child.

Tell him to either change or your filing for a divorce.

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Thats your child a mother is suppose to protect her child,he’s hurting her more than you realize put your foot down. Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.

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Call him out in front of the kids so they know that the next time he does it you are leaving because you nor the kids will be talked to like that

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It truly amazes me how quick people are to suggest divorce, no matter what the problem is! Divorce is not always the answer. Talk to each other and workout the problem. Divorce just creates more problems.

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Yeah my husband isn’t great with my kids either and it takes a lot for me not to get on him right then and there but I have quite a few times, I’ve gotten in between them, told him to fix his shit or we done . I told him calmly not in front of our kids, that he had hanger problems and gave advice on how to handle the situation and things, nothing had changed in 4 years but recently it’s gotten a little better.

And I’m sure it’s been like this for years…smh

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yelling still upsets me manybyears later

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That man needs counseling or your daughter is going to have a hard childhood. I can’t imagine why you’d have to yell at a 6 year old like that. Imagine how it will be for her when she gets older and actually starts testing limits.

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Before he talks to your child today, tell him privately that you’re done with the way he talks to her and if he doesn’t figure it out like now there will be problems. Then if he does it again he needs to be confronted in front of her. Im all for parents being on the same page and not letting kids see the division of parenting styles, but this is much different. If she doesn’t see you stand up for her, she thinks you agree with it and its ok. If that happens and he doesn’t take heed of what you’re saying then you need to leave. If she feels this way you need to tell him and if he doesn’t care then its verbal abuse. Bullying a child is abuse. Discipline is not. There is a difference. I raise my voice to my children when its needed, but its not to scare them. There is a difference. Also even if he does change in his tactics for correcting bad behavior he need to spend happy time with her and gain her trust back to rebuild their relationship.

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Maybe try to find a subtle way to record him & their interactions- a nanny cam or something similar. Maybe if he saw it from an outside perspective & he saw the imagery of a grown man bullying a child he’d realize how wrong he is.

I’d also definitely suggest family counseling. If he isn’t willing to work on it & isn’t open to addressing it then it might be best to let him go.

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Oh I wouldn’t put up with that I’d be getting involved I wouldn’t be able to help myself.

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No you’ve talked to him enough!
It’s time for you to put your foot down and be a mama bear.

My husband use to yell all the damn time and one night I couldn’t take it so I raised my voice at him and said get your ass outside we need to talk… yeah he changed his tone.

Remind him he is talking to a child and that child will get on your nerves but you need to be an adult and learn patience is key.

Correct him in front of her so she knows you are not okay with how he treats her.

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Some people are just yellers. That being said, I really appreciate couples that are able to check each other. It’s hard in that moment and takes great strength to be able to make a change in those moments. I am not saying belittle your partner, or flat out disagree with them, in that moment. I am saying to be able to step in when things are happening that you don’t stand by. Say something like “ok maybe it’s time we all take a break here and breath”. Then take them away from the situation and have a conversation about what’s going on.

More times then not, it is usually not about what’s going on, but what is happening deeper inside for that person. Triggered. When we are in those moments it is VERY hard to get ourselves out. Sometimes, like in my situation, it is very helpful to have my spouse step in and almost remind me to breath and step back. It’s a cue for me that I’m triggered and not realizing it. Therefore yelling when I don’t have to. It’s quite the journey and is hard. Worth it though. Gotta start somewhere.

Have a conversation with him (not in a heated way just as an “I feel statement situation”) about how he would feel if you guys tried this. If you go at it from a “you need to” or “you should” situation it’s unlikely he will truly hear you and could be ego threatened. Good luck!

Counseling. Protect the child. It can cause long lasting emotional damage.

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If u don’t sort it before her teenage years it’s going to be very very bad few years !!! They test your patience no end :rofl: poor girl only 6 an thinks her dad hates her

I left the father of my child after 12 years 4 the way he was treating our daughter…like he was jealous she got the attention…was ridiculous… until he lifted his hand out of anger 2 reprimand her…I sent him packing…he was not going 2 put her thru what he put me thru…

I’m gonna ask the hard question: does your child actually listen to him? Is it an automatic yell or is it compounded after saying things numerous times and her ignoring him? My husband is a yeller for sure and while it definitely has its moments I’ve noticed it happens when the kids just ignore him and he feels like it’s the only option to get through.

Not excusing behavior at all, but when we were in counseling he has valid reasons for getting loud. He didn’t realize how his tone was vs his volume until I recorded him.

When she gets older and starts relationships she will settle for me who yell at her the same way. If he won’t change then leave!

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It hurts the kids, so never argue in front of the kids. The adult thing to do is take a walk, talk in the car away from the kids.

He must have issues with himself if he is a angry person and he is taking it out on the poor little girl you need to get her out of that house before he hurts her . I def wouldn’t leave her alone with him. If I was you I would get out cause u need to protect her we also try to protect our children’s from bullies and if her Dad happens to be one then you still have to protect her get away from him

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You are allowing a nuclear “resentment bomb” to be built in your house, a 6 year old who is suffering from disfavored child status will resent the abuser, you for not intervening, her other sibling who she will perceive as “favored”, and any other family who know but dont intervene, combine that with the fact that loud menacing verbal abuse is damaging to everyone and you need to step up and protect your childrens future

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As a father, it’s my job to protect my daughters. Mentally emotionally and physically. If he is that mean and rude to her then you need to be mama bear and go for his throat. Don’t ever let ANYONE talk to your children that way. Been going on too long to talk about it. Put that mf in his place.

Tell him what she told you. And see how he responds to the both if you after hearing that. My husband is also a yeller but after I explained to him a few times and told him what the kids told me he’s been better about being more calm.

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Your number 1 most important job is to be advocates for your children.

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If you don’t protect her she will grow to resent you , saying and my mother just stood by and did nothing

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Tell him soon. Your precious little girl does not DESERVE being yelled at! Omg! How hard it must be for you to not say anything! Now is the time to speak up. My heart is truly breaking for your little girl.

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Leaving her husband solves nothing to everyone suggesting that. :roll_eyes: the courts won’t allow that excuse that the father yells too much or too loud.

Parents are supposed to be their child’s inner voice. So when they grow and they go through challenging times,their inner voice speaks to them gently and with love. It tells them calmly to be strong and reassures them they are loved for who they are. It’s says You can do it!! Speak love into your child. Your husband is doing the opposite. She’ll hear anger and doubt and words like You CANT do it. Nobody love you. You aren’t strong enough. Your just not enough. Which one do you want her to hear? This man needs to change or get out.

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I noticed my dad was the same way when I was a child. Now that I’m an adult I realized he had anxiety, no excuse; but maybe your husband is just going through that?

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That sounds to me like verbal abuse . Please remind him that what he says / calls her she will become for she will believe his words that scar . He needs counseling/ parenting classes

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What exactly you do not like ? He yelling at her or the things he say , because sometimes we need to raise or voice / yell, to be heard because kids are experts ignoring us , and yes usually use the “scaring “ talking, like you have until I count till 3, or I will spank you blah blah but most of the time we do not do anything.Do he treats her like that ( the shouting) all day long or just when he is tired of repeating himself?
Have he physically abused her ?
Also kids usually use the “ you do not love me “ when they do not have their way .
It’s very common to disagree with your partner about parenting style , most of the time one is more soft/ permissible than the other and that is the one that the kid “ prefer “

Take Jacqueline’s advice. Do it now while there’s time to save this child. He will destroy her self esteem, which will cause so much heartache for her.

Have a man twice his size speak down to him the same. Put him on his knees and stand over him screaming with a booming voice, spitting and raging. Copy the mannerisms he displays, flailing his arms and towering over him leaning in and yelling and insulting.
Put him in the exact same physical and psychological conditions and see how he likes it.

Let him know she told you than and he need to walk away when he upset until he is calm enough to handle in a more appropriate way

How about you record a few interactions. Talk to him when things are calm and show him what it looks like. Hopefully he will get it.

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Can you film him and play it back to him so he can see what he sounds looks like?

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I would see if you can find grown people who can give him some insight of how they feel about their parents who spoke to them that way.
My dad was very emotionally distant and the one emotion he did show was anger. Lots of yelling and discipline and not much of anything else.

Our relationship has been very strained since I was maybe 11 because of this. We’ve been estranged at times and gone years without speaking. He has told my sister he regrets the way he “raised” me. I love him because he is my dad, he’s grown a lot as a person, and our relationship is better. But he is the second choice parent and he knows it. He knows how much more I love my mother and the high regard with which I view her. I know it upsets him now. But it’s too little, too late. I’m grateful we have the relationship we do now, but I know if asked, he would say he would go back and do it over

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Ask him if he would like her to accept being treated that way by a man when she is older. If he teaches her that it is ok for a man to speak to her that way, she will grow to accept that from the men she has in her life as an adult.

And if you want my opinion further, it is up to you to model for her hiw to not accept that treatment.

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Give him a taste of his own medicine!! Privately if possible.

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My dad was always like this with me!!! From a young age. Complaining about everything from what I wore to what I ate to at 5 years old telling me I was getting heavy. Thanks to him being up my ass 24/7 by Jr high I was anorexic n lasted through high school. The next 10 years bulimia ruled my life. Yelling all the time made me very nervous n I had awful clinical anxiety n stIll do in my 30’s. PLEASE KEEP HIM THE HELL AWAY FROM HER!!! HE’LL RUIN HER LIFE!!! ITS SO HARD TO HAVE ANY SELF CONFIDENCE WHEN UR OWN DAD DIDNT ACT LIKE HE LOVED YOU!!!

Tell him what she said!

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You need to have a talk with him and both come together on a plan for discipline. Talk openly with out blame , let him know how she feels. You never know what will happen one day he may be the only parent she has God forbid, so dont wait. It might be the way he was raised? Get on the same page and show your kids a firm but loving discipline.

Lots of great ideas. Bottom line, what you accept, you condone.

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I think parenting classes, child development. I think he probably was raised differently my dad was the mellow one and my mom was the loud one. Not ok…

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Honestly call him out when he gets too aggressive.sometimes some people don’t know how aggressive they sound. My husband checks me when I get to aggressive or vise versa. Communication is key.

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This is not alright.poor child is going to grow up hating her father.he needs to set things right with her.and your other child, to listen to daddy yelling abuse all the time is surly unhealthy.put your foot down and say know more.its not only hurting you’re daughter’s feelings it’s hurting your’s as well.i wish you the best of luck.

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He will suffer when they become 15 years old and hate him and their relationships with men will suffer in their life :sob::sob::sob:

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I say film him and play it back for him later when things calm down and see if he can see that he needs correction. If not, he will not change until HE feels he needs to.

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She said “every time he speaks to me…” That’s extreme!!! That needs to stop and mommy is the only one who can stop it

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STAND UP FOR TOUR CHILD IN FRONT OF HER
Show her you care and have her back
Don’t back down

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you’re a better person than I am, I would made sure his jaw needed wired shut… can’t scream at anyone for a while :person_shrugging:

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She will end up hating him and having low self esteem!! Step up and defend her! This is emotional abuse! Leave his ass if you have to! Children don’t deserve this!!

I would sit him down and sit her down and have her tell him how she feels

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