My husband parents very differently from me as well, most of the time I keep my mouth shut because you can’t expect everyone to parent the same way but there are times he will step over the line and IDC I will immediately tell him enough and he will stop. He came from a very toxic family and sometimes he needs reminding that, that isn’t how we talk to children. If your daughter is expressing that to you, then you need to let him know. Its damaging her, it will eventually lead to self consciousness and insecurities, depression and her resenting her father.
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You do what I did when my ex was mean to our children. Put his ass out!!!
He needs to stop and if he can’t understand what he is doing to the kids mental health now and certainly later he needs to seek counselling or leave.
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Yes, you try talking to him again, and again, and again, and again… until he hears you. The question really is “how do you talk to him so that he actually hears you?” Because you owe it to your daughter to help her dad realize how badly he’s damaging his relationship with her and how much it’s going to negatively impact her as she gets older.
I would probably start with a conversation BEFORE he’s angry. Frame it with as little “judgement” as possible- “I know we were brought up differently but I am concerned about your relationship with [daughter]. She loves and admires you so much and I am concerned that the way you raise your voice/speak to her is doing more to scare her than you realize. I understand how important discipline is but I was hoping, since she’s getting older, that maybe we can talk to her and discuss consequences instead of yelling at her”. If that doesn’t work, the next time he starts, turn on your phone and record it discretely (if he sees you doing it, it’s likely to escalate). You don’t really need video- he just needs to hear what your daughter hears. Don’t play it until he’s calm and try to do it so he understands that you’re just trying to help.
While I agree that it’s important to appear “united” in front of the kids to avoid having them play off you both, you can’t just stand by while your husband berates your daughter. You CAN step in and try and diffuse it without undercutting him, even if it’s just separating them until “everyone cools down”. I remember a therapist telling me that I can “set the tone”. Even when it’s chaotic and there’s yelling and screaming, talk calmly and keep yourself calm and it’s hard for anyone who is enraged to stay that way.
Don’t give up! No matter what, you will know that you are doing everything you can to make your daughter’s relationship with her father meaningful. She will recognize that and she will know that mom always has her back
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Seek therapy or counseling for him. I also learn from our closest friends how they discipline their kids and seeing it in action taught me a lot of parenting. Remind him, his job is to guide her, not to yell as a form of discipline.
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Don’t scold him in private, he’s a “man” . stand up for your daughter infront of her , be her voice till she’s big enough to not back down & have her own!
Shouldn’t matter who it is to her , never let her see you back down when people treat her this way!!
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Well he needs to know that by being aggressive to her he is leading the way /path for your little girl to accept that a males naturally treat you aggressively and you don’t want your daughter ending up with a person that treats her badly when she’s older . just tell him STOP that’s enough if he doesn’t like it too bad.
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Abuse. It’s no different than If he was hitting her. Call him on it because while you’re respecting him and doing it behind closed doors, you’re allowing him to disrespect and frighten the entire family. She’s seeing you take it. In most cases, daughters date and marry the same man they saw growing up. If nothing stops him, leave for your children’s sake.
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Ummm…you stand the fu*k up for your daughter?! How can you not protect her and her feelings like that! You better standup for her next time lady or that girls gonna fee like no one gives a shit about her. All your doing is teaching her to shut up and take shit and abuse. Pull your head out and stand up for her. Geezzz.
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I could not tolerate that!!! He’s abusing your child plain and simple and you’re allowing it … she will feel unloved, not trust anyone and insecure because ‘why’ does he hurt me like that. If he doesn’t own up to his abuse … I wouldn’t allow him to discipline the child and if that didn’t stop him … I would leave the jerk
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Wait till the kids are visiting elsewhere and treat him the way he does the kids.
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Poor kid, being 12 is no fun to begin with.
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Stand up for your kid and stop addressing it in private 
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Or is it me over reacting and letting the children rural the roost 
You talk to him… Again… Stand up for your kid…coz if you do not no-one else will
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It very hard raising children with 2 different parenting styles. There will be many more arguments and your children scared of one or the other parent.
Sit down with him and TELL HIM !!! Tell him he’s going to lose his children. Suggest ~strongly~ counseling !!!
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Scream at him in front of her. Stand up for her. Teach her this is wrong. You’re tippy toeing around a grown man meanwhile your six year old is being emotionally damaged. Stop being a shit mom
You need to step in.
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You tell him in front of her .shout at him see how he likes it .stick up for your daughter if he don’t like it tough. She’s not old enough to do it for herself so protect her.he’s just a bully .
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STAND UP FOR YOUR DAUGHTER IN FRONT OF HIM AND HER! Don’t wait to go behind closed doors to stick up for your kids. That’s bullshit
She’ll resent him in his later years when he’s going to have a softened heart and wants a relationship. She wont be emotionally available to him because of it so he will end up suffering. happened with me.
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If you’ve spoken to him about it and nothing has changed, than I’d probably give him a dose of his own medicine. I’m guessing he doesn’t see anything wrong with his actions. Maybe he will when he’s on the receiving end of it.
Sounds scary to me. What will he do if you stand up to him in front of the child? Hit you both? I don’t have any answers for you. But I know how it feels to be yelled at. It sucks
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First of all your husbands an Asshole but I mostly blame YOU!!! The first time my husband scared my child and made them feel like that would be his last! That little girl is gonna remember her father treating her like shit and her mother letting it happen!!! He’s a dick and you are enabling his behavior! Shame on both of you!
Address it to hubby…you speak with your heart, and calm the storm …
Stop standing there and watching it. If you tried to speak to him in private, it’s time to speak the hell up. It’s your duty to protect her from anyone. And that includes her father. Period.
Your child will hold you the mother guilty as well as she gets older please listen and believe. Nothing is worst than having your child blaming you.
Tell him that 3 days ago, my best friend lost their 3y old. Life is short.