Set boundaries for dating. I had to have a parent with me on dates and couldnt date anyone more than 2 years older then me (saved me from a few creeps tbh). Also had phine restictions on both fb and messaging.
Itās up to her if she starts dating or not. Youāre only going to cause issues by telling her not to. Itās not what you want, itās what she wants. Shes growing up and has to learn to make decisions by herself. I was 14 when I got into my first serious relationship and it taught me a lot. Let her live her life and just support it, or youāre going to end up with a daughter who goes behind your back and doesnt trust you.
Maybe let her have a boyfriend but only during group dating or they can do dinner at your house or a movie at your house ā¦at that age you got to find a compromise you are comfortable with without flat out saying no good luck!
I have a 15 year old and I wish she would talk about having a boyfriend, not really. I have always told her since she was 4 no boyfriend just education. My daughter has not even ask about a boy not even interested in them. I would probably lose it as well! Just explain to her, she will have plenty of time to date once she figures out who she is as a person! She needs to wait, seriously.
Well letās see, I got pregnant at 14 because my father tried telling me heād make a fool out of me if I had a crush or boyfriend at 11. So unless you want your daughter to rebel, let her have her simple fucking relationship. I bet anything you were 14 and interested in boys or possibly sneaking behind your parents back to date them, you want her to be open with you right? Donāt tell her she canāt do it.
Why dont you want her to? Whatās the problem? Shes at that age, time to teach her about respect, consent, sex, safety, etc etc. If you just deny it sheāll do it anyway but without your guidance.
Does she go to school? If so then give it up. You have to let her be a kid at some point. If you try to oppress everything then eventually itāll back fire on you.
Just talk to her. The more rules you give her the more shit sheāll do. Let her have a boyfriend.
Lmao sheās gonna do it regardless. Not proud of the fact, but thatās the age I lost my virginity. My parents are still completely clueless about that fact
Hereās the thing: you can be accepting and keep that line of communication open, or you can can forbid it, itāll happen anyway, and your daughter will keep you in the dark. My 14 year old has a boyfriend. He seems like a sweet boy. Heās a country boy who even has his own business already (doing a country boy thingāmaking duck callers ).
My daughter is open with me. Weāve been having sex talks very openly since my kids were all young. Of course we tell them we want them to save themselves for marriage, but weāre also not naive, so if they need condoms, for the love of God, weāll get them. No questions. (14 YO and her bf are not sexually active).
If she wanted to have a date, a chaperone would be required for the time being. They talk on the phone a lot, and he actually encourages her to do well in school saying he wants her to succeed.
Not all young budding relationships are bad. Especially if it keeps communications open and happening.
The boyfriends WILL happen regardless. Do you or do you not want to know about them is the questionā¦
Canāt stop it. Donāt try to stop it. How you handle this is a critical point in your relationship with your daughter,
My 14 year old daughter has been seeing the same boy for a year now. We set boundaries and told them to just be really good friends with each other. They were our neighbors so it was inevitable. But we told her not to just date someone cuz she can date someone cuz thats who she wants to have a good lasting friendship with. Just tell her to be choosy and that you have to approve.
I have a 14 yr old daughter. I said the same thing as you did. But my tune has changed and i snapped back into reality. She is gonna do it regardless. My daughter and i sat down and had a talk. She has a boyfriend now. She goes to his house, he comes to our house, she goes on family outings with his family. They go to the movies. Its really not that bad. Trust in her, believe in her to make the right choices. I put my daughter on birth control it was for her periods but i see it as a double win. Its for her periods but it also just incase she ends up making a mistake. You need to talk to her about all things. Sex, pregnancy, disease.
My daughter has a secret boyfriend and the boyfriends mother is the one facilitating the relationship and helping them meet in secret
Just because shes dating doesnt mean shes having sex. I starting dating at 14 and didnt start having sex until at least 4 years later. Hopefully you have taught her to respect herself and hopefully she will. There is basically nothing you can do at this point.
I dated an older boy when I was 14. I WISH my mom wouldāve forbid itā¦
Itās probably a good friendship, if her grades and behavior are good then allow them to see each other in group of friends and adult supervision, always have āthe talkā and have a open conversation about birth control if necessary. If she goes to school you wonāt be able to stop them from seeing each other. Monitor phone/messages
You need to accept the fact that your daughter is at an age where dating is normal. Allow her to communicate freely with you without judgment.
14 and having a boyfriend is ok. Itās usually a school crush that lasts a short amount of weeks. I would set boundaries. Make your home the home to be at if they want to āhangā out. If they want to go out on a date itās chaperoned. And set whatever boundaries makes you and her feel comfortable. She is going to have a boyfriend with or without your blessing. Donāt make her chose to hide it from you. Be open and be her listening ear. Be the Judgement free zone for her! You want her to come to you continuously but she wonāt if you are being over baring. Set the rules, no phone in her bedroom with the door closed and no phone in the bathroom. Make sure you talk to her about respecting herself first. No boy should tell her to send them pictures of herself. At this age they are trying to please anyone and everyone doing things that you wouldnāt think they would do. Be active and hold to your boundaries.
Its not up to her my dad had a rule no dateing till we get to 16 and it worked im mean obviously they could probably see eachother at school but u can certainly prevent her from going out unless u know who they r with and a phone number to talk to their parents
I had the same boyfriend from age 14-18. It actually deterred me from going out and partying with all the other high school kids. Talk about birth control once you know she has a boyfriend then your nerves will be a bit more settled.
I had to remember that they are at school, and only there can they see each other, thatās usually what itās all about anyway and in my experience they usually donāt last long!
Go with the flow. If she has an interest, meet the boy casually. She is at the age mama. Teach her to love and respect her body, about consent and that if shes ever scared to call u and u wont get angry. Otherwise she will be sneaking out to see boys in the next yr. My daughter is almost 15.
Educate, have open conversations. Keep them active in school activities, sports, and most of all support them. I have a daughter the same age, she asked we said yes and set ground rules. It last maybe two weeks, she said she didnāt have time to give him the attention he wanted (she plays middle and high school softball with batting lessons and an out of school ball league) but she came to me and told them everything and how he liked her and she kind of liked him, now she sees teenage boys are currently stupid and a waste of time right now.
I feel like at 14 you can have a sense of ācontrolā over her dating, while still letting her do what she wants.
Supervise dates if they go out, get to know the others parents well and have good communication with them. Invite him over and get to know him well.
Donāt view it as dating like us adults do, let her explore a friendship in a healthy way while still keeping her close.
I mean, you canāt really do anything about it. Unless you chain her up and lock her in the basement or something. Teenagers are gonna have boyfriends or girlfriend regardless if we want them to or not. If they go to the same school, theyāre going to see each other. If she has a phone, sheās going to talk to him or text. Teenagers are sneaky or at least I know that I was. My dad hated my first real boyfriend when I was a freshman. He didnāt want me dating him, but I didnāt care. That just made me want to be with him even more. We found ways to sneak around and have sex. Iām not saying your daughterās gonna have sex right now, but thatās typically what teenagers do. You could always switch schools (if possible), but sheād just meet some other guy.
My oldest is 19ā¦ Middle daughter 15ā¦ Neither have boyfriendsā¦ My oldestā¦ Saidā¦ If she finds a guy that reads as much as she doesā¦ She will date himā¦ (Good luck with that).
I give my kids rulesā¦ No dating until 16ā¦ Boyfriend not allowed to be more then 1 yr older then she isā¦ And I have to meet boyā¦ They go nowhereā¦ Until he has stayed at the house and had dinner with us firstā¦ Her curfew is 10ā¦ Thereās absolutely no reason a child needs to be out after10ā¦ Other rules apply tooā¦
14 is too young to have a boyfriend.
Sheās probably going to do it anyway becauseā¦well sheās 14. Trust her to make the right choices, involve him in family events and allow her to be involved in his if he chooses. The more good times they share with the parents the more likely they are to respect you and each other
When I was 14 I was allowed a boyfriend but not allowed to go on dates until I was 16 kinda kills the point of dating.
I was go to school at 13 fresman and at 15 was working 3rd shift at nursing home couldnāt have bf. And was 16 to date.and we dated with groups or7 yr old sister married at 17 Iād say you have to be able to talk and trust.i found that on my 3 raised alone.
She will do it anyway and hide it. I dated a guy for 8 months before I told my mom when I was 14.
Honey sheās at that age my advice is have the safe sex talk not saying she is going to but itās a good thing to be open about when she does teens have sex thatās life but also meet the boy shes interested in mama if you tell her not to sheās just going to hide it Iām telling you this from my experience I was a teen Mom at 16
My kids were not allowed to date until the were 16. And even now they only really do school dances, and going out to eat or the movies as a group.
She will have plenty of bfās in her life just set ground rules if she has him over she has to in your vision all the time,at anytime they are not to be alone if they go to a party or movies an adult has to be present no way is he allowed in her bedroom.Tell her if she wants a bf thereās rules and if she donāt like the rules than no bf .Youre right if you tell her no she will be sneaky about it if sheās like any other teen.I used them rules on both my kids (girl and boy) itās not just the girl fault if anything happens the boy is responsible too.
Tell her you donāt want her having a boyfriend right now AND explain why. Have an honest conversation with her and tell her she can have a boyfriend when she is alittle older.(if you havenāt already now is a good time for āthe talkā talk to her about the possibility of boys putting pressure on her to do things she isnāt ready for and explain she has the right to say no if something makes her uncomfortable)
Sheās 14, I personally wouldnāt allow it. Some say sheāll do it anyway but youāre the parent so you make the rules on who sheās with, where sheās at, whos there and what time she needs to be home. Seriously, 14? She should be focused on what she wants to be when she grows up. Not boys. Boys will always be there
Iām a dad. My child is a boy. But I am still a parent.
The best response to a question like this is
āPut yourself in your childās shoes. How would you want your parent to be? Be that parent.ā Thank you for your time.
They are going to have one even if it is in private. Just donāt let them alone together. I find that age they are just hanging out with them at school and maybe the boyfriend comes over. As long as youāre always knowing where they are. I think itās better to let them so they donāt keep secrets from you and will try to sneak off somewhere to be alone. Instead theyāll come over and watch a movie or something.
My kids know they have to be 16. Before they they can go with groups of friends and hang out at houses supervised with adults there. My kids arenāt 16 yet but they already know the rules and my expectations.
I read all the time here āI dont have any friendsā. You know why? You were dating at 14!
Girlfriends last forever. Boyfriends at 14? Not so much.
I was having too much fun with my friends for a boyfriend at 14. We all were. And weāre still friends!
Tell your daughters that. Now is the time to form lasting friendships. Dont get hooked up with one boy!
Do what we did! Drink, smoke, laugh, dance, lol.
Thereās plenty of time for that boy shit!
Youāre not going to like this. I lost my virginity at 13 and fell pregnant. My parents only knew I had a boyfriend as I had to go to them to get a termination. I hid my boyfriend from my parents as they kept saying no all the time. Itās best to let her have a boyfriend, put her on birth control as a protective measure and just make sure she knows her worth and that her body is hers and she should never allow herself to feel pressured.
I was also not the first in my year group to lose my virginity and the oldest girl in my year was 15 when she lost hers. Itās a sad world and I regret losing mine so early but the pressure in schools is unreal.
Why dont you want her to have a boyfriend? Just curious.
I honestly would rather let her have a boyfriend and give her a safe place to hangout with him doors open and know sheās safe and not sneaking around.
Good luck with that. After growing up with my sister and having 3 daughters,I can tell you they will do it anyway and it will be much worse. Invite the boy to do things with your family and try to reduce their alone time as much as you can.
Try the if she has a boy friend she has to be escorted by u at all times with him. And if she is seen with out you with him she will never be allowed to see him again. See how she likes those rules. I would also Wright them down like a contract and have her sign them. So you have proof she agreed to them.
I can almost bet you that some of her girl friends have a boyfriend, and a friend or a group of girls well ask her if she has a boyfriend? And she is going to bow her head and say NO!! MY MAMA WANT LET ME HAVE A BOYFRIEND. SHE WELL BE A LAUGHING STOCK amongst her friends. And she well be so embarrassedā¦ Its peer pressure.
In all honesty what dose it hurt? You ( mom) could just keep an eye out on them, make some rules, let them watch movies, go on outings with the family, let them see each other 2 to 4 time a week it depends whatās going and few hours.
Or she can do it behind your backā¦
Unfortunately she will have a partner regardless on what u want. Keep communication open and honest. Be patient and calm. Say no and she will hide everything from you
ā¦be more ok with the thought and she will be more open. Talk talk talk. She may not even be ready for one, but is starting to think about it. Set up some rules TOGETHER. Talk it out, dont make her think itās wrong because, girlā¦teens thrive off that stuff and will go way too hard if u say itās not allowed at all (wellā¦depending on the teen of course. Lol).
Let her date but they want hang out got be with a parent around and or at school
Unfortunatelyā¦ she will do what she wants especially as she gets older. Iād rather my daughter not be afraid to be open and honest with what she is up to.
My parents were much more strict towards my older sister with over bearing rules and consequences if she didnāt follow rules. But it didnāt stop her from going or doing what she wanted to realistically, and just caused many fights and arguments. With me my parents were more laid back, my house was a safe zone for me and girlfriends, I had no verbally set out rules for boys, my mom educated me on sex and my Own body fairly wellā¦ and I ended up having the same boyfriend in the 9th grade for over 6 years. Every person is different but restricting her on having a relationship with someone isnāt helpfulā¦
Basically all Iām saying is being too strict and judgmental over your teens decisions might cause resentmentā¦
The āworstā that can really happen is she gets pregnant., but thatās on you to make sure she is educated on safe sex, and contraceptivesā¦
the other negative could be she gets her heart broken or breaks a boys heartā¦ either way this is life and we all learn from our own mistakes, she needs to spread her wings in order to grow!
Good luck with that. Just set ground rules.
Set ground rules. She is not allowed to be in a private setting with him. If they hang out it must be at your home and in the living area, hanging out with friends there must be parents around. Give her the talk and get her an appointment to get her on some kind of birth control. Explain to her that it in no way means you want her to have sex, it is just in case because you were her age once and you know what it is like at that age. And if she ever comes to you with information about her personal life, do not tell all your friends and family. She trusted you with that information and she needs to be able to keep trusting you.
Just let her grow up and learn through her own mistakes
Just simply donāt allow it - plain and simple !
If they want a boyfriend they will get one whether you like it or not unfortunately, itās much better to go from the approach of approval and then the lines of communication are open. That way when your daughter talks about what is going on with her boyfriend you are there to give her advice and guidance. If you tell her no and she hides it she wonāt tell you anything and you have no idea how she is being treated or what she is up to. I have four adult children now and the first I said no, she done it anyway! The others I learnt, then itās more open to talk about things like consent and safety!
Might as well be supportive, my kids arenāt teenagers but I remember having my first boyfriend at 14 and my parents made me feel like I had to hide it. They were NOT open to the idea. Needless to say I did a lot of sneaking around, and ended up getting accustomed to the sneaking and snuck around to do a whole lot of bad things the following few years. Have the sex talk. Talk about BC. The more open you are about it the more sheās going to come to you with.
Sweet heart court them
A lot of parents do it. Set boundaries, rules and if they go on a date they have to have an adult supervising them
Omg let her grow up. They cant be locked up forever! I understand being that I have 6 kids however they need to learn to make mistakes. They will never learn how to fix those mistakes unless they make them. Hell my daughter is almost 17. She is done with school and graduation is in june. She is going to college to be a obgyn and engaged. She has had a few boyfriends and made mistakes. Now she knows what she wants and is very smart! For all the people that will talk shit about this you will be blocked and I dont care what you think. She has no intentions to get married anytime soon however she loves her fiance very much and he treats her with the upmost respect and loves her and no she isnt pregnant! Lmao
At 14 a relationship is only as serious as you allow it to be. Forbidding her to have a boyfriend will be devastating to your relationship with her and her keeping it a secret will only create a larger desire plus it wonāt help her develop healthy communication. Instead be the chaperone, be constant in her life and help her set healthy guidelines for relationships.
So, whatās going to happen is youāre going to express that you do not want your child to have a boyfriend. And then she will get a boyfriend and hide it from you. The end.
As a 14 year old myself she aint gonna listenā:woman_shrugging:
Chelsey Lange you also got people that had nothing to do with that in trouble
Iāll try to be brief. I have a 14 yo son. My rule was always āyou can date when you can driveā because honestly dating is pointless in my opinion if you canāt actually ādateā them.
I should add that I grew up in a Christian home, that preached abstinence and I ended up pregnant at 18. Iāve always had a very open relationship and conversation with my son.
He has liked the same girl for 3 years and took her to homecoming. I could see his commitment and how much he valued this girl. So I agreed they could be boyfriend/girlfriend. Their dates are spent hanging out at our house or hers, with adult supervision. Often playing games and watching movies. His maturity has surprised me and Iām comfortable altering my rules. Ultimately I knew that parenting involves compromise, and as long as the child can show some maturity and good decision making, I can allow it. If my child was moving from girl to girl and being disrespectful or I could tell it was more about game than actually liking the young lady, then I would just say no. He could always try to find a way to undermine my authority, thatās never going to change. Kids will always push boundaries. Being able to have an open and honest conversation about WHY I have rules has helped. Iāve let him live and learn and suffer the consequences and he understands my rules are there to benefit his life and guide him because I love him and want the best.
And honestly if him and his girlfriend broke up, he knows weād go back to āno dating until youāre olderā. And now that heās seen my compromise he respects my decision to protect his heart. He even told me the other day that heās not sure he was old enough to make such a big commitment. But he cares for the girl and they will modify their relationship as needed to focus on grades, etc.
Canāt do much. All you can do is educate and keep a close eye on her. Being too strict might cause her to rebel.
Express to her the reasons behind why you donāt wish for her to be in any relationships. From there, let her make her own decisions. Believe me, bad things happen when you overly-shelter a child. Especially at that age.
My rule was no dating till 14 but it had to be a group date until 16.
As someone who has 2 younger sisters I can tell you telling her no will just make her want to do it more, but explaining to her why youād prefer her not to might make her wait, from what Iāve witnessed teens just want their parents to understand and talk to them like adults, I told both of my sisterās that although I donāt approve of them dating at a young age that I knew I couldnāt stop them and that if they got hurt or needed me I was always there for them
Sheās a minor so your rules go. Have a discussion about what your concerns are and see where her head is. Maybe you can compromise on having a friend whoās a boy. Encourage her to speak to you about how sheās feeling about the opposite sex and why you feel sheās too young to date. Set a goal age for dating and provide other things to do (job, chores, sports, girlfriend hang outs) to keep her occupied in the meantime. Good luck!
This is such a rough topicā¦my little girl is 4 ughh not ready. Well my dad scared us shitless with if he ever found out i got the belt, i wasnt allowed to go out with friends etc. until age 15ā¦so i didnt have a bf til i was 16 and that was behind his back because i wasnt allowed until i was 18 lol. My sibling on the other hand could care less and had her first bf at 13 and experience at 14ā¦ my parents were more relaxed with her. I would talk to her about it and put conditions such as keeping her grades up and absolutley supervised datesā¦idk if thats a thing at that age because everythingās so different.
I have a 14 year old who wants a āboyfriendā. Sheās NOT allowed at this time, but I DO all her to have male friends and talk on the phone. I explained my reasoning why she CANāT at a young age and that she needs to learn to make good choices and decisions. If she proves to do that with spiritual lessons, good grades, completing chores at home, and maintaining an honest and open relationship with me, then we will discuss it when sheās 15.
My daughter understands and is trying. We have our days, but for the most part, sheās doing a good job.
I say let her because if u let her she will know the signs of cheating etc. But do advise her to be careful and those feelings she think is love itās her hormones all over the place.
Do an interview with her to see why she wants a boyfriend?
Ask her what qualities she looking for in a guy or whatās her dream guy. Etc
My daughter only 3yrs old but I have a son that will be 13 next Friday and i asked him these questions.
nothing you can do about it. just hope hes someone you know better than she does first. my oldest one is married too. but i wasnt really a fan of him because she didnt grow up with himā¦ but she was an adult so i bowed out. the one my youngest one is with i know. hes decent.and the one im going to marry after my ex i only knew for 9 months and then married him to try to help himā¦well. i didnt grow up with him.and the one im going to marry ive known for more than 10 years. hes a man and my ex is a boy. he never grew up. just listen to her talk is all you can do at this point.LISTEN.
I would say if youāre going to have a bf there are boundaries, and rules that need to be followed, and an open door policy to confide in you if she has questions or concerns ie: if this an ok way to be treated, safe sex, respect for each other and each other bodies and their selves. You donāt want her hiding things from you.
Be there for her. Discuss birth control. Discuss boys not taking sex as seriously as girls do, emotionally. Discuss her value and her self-worth.
My parents were SO strict w me, did not communicate w me, were not there for me during emotionally challenging times/teen years, and I felt so alone.
Just be there for her. I believe in parenting as a parent, but there are times in teen years you may need to be a friend of sorts, so she knows she can come to you w any issues that arise or frighten or hurt her.
What is your relationship like with your daughter? Do you trust her to do the right thing and does she come to you with stuff? I had my first bf just before 15 and our parents had us at each otherās houses, we were allowed privacy in the form of younger siblings kept away somewhat but no closed doors etc, they drove us to movies etc, after about 6months or so he started to ask about sex and being a girl and close to my mum I spoke to my gfs(Iām 34 and we all still mates, great bunch a gals) and spoke to my mum and figured out that I wasnāt ready to take that step, luckily for me he was a nice guy and understood so I wasnāt pressured. Iād go with ur gut, have rules. It must be so hard, my girl is 11 so we not quite there yet but Iām not looking forward to it. Donāt want ya precious baby getting hurt aye. Just gotta trust them Abit I spose too and hope u have raised them to be smart strong independent ladies.
Oy I have what 12 years to go before I worry with my daughters! I would just encourage your daughter to always be honest with you and show her that she can come to you for anything. Be fair but firm and be OPEN with her about ANYTHING! My mom was able to talk with me about everything from sex to periods to dating! She wanted me to be able to come to her to avoid me gettin into trouble and to share things with her she rather be honest than hide it out of fear. She would tell me āI donāt think this is a good idea cuz a b cā or āthis would be more appropriateā. But I wasnāt allowed to ādateā that young and luckily for her I wasnāt sexually actively until 19. But she took me to my Gyno and talked to me about these things and I miss her I wish I could thank her for her wisdom and guidance!
The best advice is to get on the 10 year iud. I got with my soon to be ex husband when i was 14. You figure it out eventually. But babies complicate things
Go with the flow. Be there, be easy to talk to, teach her about red flags and the obvious safety measures etc. Be prepared for some crying, but thats part of growing up. And if you are present with realistic rules I doubt anything will get too serious. Just normal young dating. Too strict or not present enough though and that can backfire. I think its all pretty obvious BUT its scary and new, so good luck and hang in! Parenting is hard, especially during big changes like this!
Teach her how to be safe, teach her about heartbreak and puppy love, chaperone, be involved. Teach her self love, self respect, and be open to answer her questions. Kids ādateā, I mean, really, itās kind of a āpick your battlesā moment in my opinion. Show her the importance of boundaries. Sit with her and have a chat. Express why you feel shes not ready or why you dont want her to date, in a calm manner, but be open. You expressing to her your feelings will make her feel comfortable to express her feelings to you. Then, go into the talk about boundaries, agree on some, let small ones fly (hand holding, and probably pecks on the cheek or the likes.) Safe touching. And word it that way. Then, be there for her during the heartbreak. Dating doesnt always equal teen pregnancyā¦ Its okay for them to explore puppy love. Go soft-helicopter mom, instead of just āNO-WAY-JOSĆā.
I have 3 daughters my oldest is 19 she hade her first boyfriend at 16 they stay together for 3 years then broke up because they both wanted different things in life so I learn from my mistakes and I definitely think 14 is way to yang to have a boyfriend because right now I can tell you that even 16 is not the right age
Does she just āwant a boyfriendā or is there a particular boy she likes? Because honestly, she might be happy with simply the title of being someoneās girl and they do nothing more than hang out with friends and maybe awkwardly try to kiss once. But if thereās a boy she really is crushing on, then sheās going to do whatever she wants to be with him.
Why are we choosing for our children? Shouldnāt you be guiding them to make the right decisions? She may get a boyfriend, or may not. Telling her no is just going to make life more difficult. Set restrictions, but understand that your teen needs to be able to make choices. Guiding her and communicating is the only way to help. I have always been very open with my children as I want them to come talk to me for anything. They arenāt just your children, they are their own individual trying to figure that out during those years.
Why does she want one so bad? Its our job to protect our kids. What does a boyfriend mean to her? Does she want to spend time alone in bedrooms? Thats a no. Does she want to hold his hand in the hallway at school, go to school games and dances together? All that I think is ok. 1st thing is 1st lets define boyfriend. I would tell her age appropriate boyfriend/girlfriend is ok and explain exactly what that looks like. I dont believe in sheltering and also making all decisions for them. However like I said before it is our job to protect them.
Chaperone their dates, restrictions on how often they see each other, have the boyfriend come over to your home only and donāt let her go over to his, curfew on phone time when itās time for bed so as not to be talking to each other all night. When she sees how difficult youāre making it to have freedoms with the relationship itāll be undesirable. Idk tho itās something to consider.
My boys I constantly teased āwhen you gonna get a gf?ā Or "you better pick good or I might go to prison " my 19 year old has only ever been on one date and my son who is in his 30s only had 1 girlfriend ever and is single. Tell them they cant and watch them prove you wrong.
Its hard to tell a teenage girl not to date especially when they have a phone. I was very good at hiding it from my dad. But my mom was my best friend.and I donāt know how she did it but I went to her for everything so even the first time I got asked I asked her first if I could. Be honest with her, that you would like her to wait but if the occurance comes up and she wants to date someone that you want her to come talk to you first. Set rules so she knows how dating should go and what a gentleman the boy should be. That you want to meet him first before they hang out or go on a date. Meet his parents and know where they stand on the matter.
Just be honest and set boundaries yes you are mom but you are raising a teen now and they know how to do things without telling parents. Iām just glad my mom built such a trusting relationship that I could go to her for everything. I hope I can do this for my sonās
I had a boyfriend when I was 14 and we are now happily married and have two beautiful kids. My parents didnāt want us to be together either, but only because he is two years older than me. I have a feeling no matter what you say she will do what she wants. Itās whether it happens behind your back or with your knowledge.
If I had a young daughter and she was showing signs of wanting to date etc or if I suspected she may have sex I would put her on the pill and talk with her about everything including waiting. Iām sure very few of us can say the first time we did it we were prepared with protection. Better safe then sorry
Honestly, I never made a big deal of it, they mostly hung out at my place with friends. I figured it was a good learning experienceā¦ made sure they stayed in activities, kept up with friends and didnāt make him the center of the universe.
What can I say, itās made my girls both very picky and I like that. (One is 18.5 and the other 15.5 and both single)
It was an opportunity for me to talk and share with them and instille some of the wisdom I have acquired
The other thing to consider is that when I was 13 almost 14 I wasnāt āallowed to dateā either, but I didā¦ went to a movie with my best friend and met him there. Teenagers are wired to start separating their identity from their parents so if they feel ready to date, they will secretly and then you wonāt have any opportunity to influence and help navigate this new chapter.
This was my experience
Good luck
Communication communication communication!!! No matter what we do they will grow, donāt live in denial and think for 1 second that if you donāt give her some say in her development your going to start a wall!!! Yes she is your baby and yes she is young. But the facts are itās going to happen. Monitor as much as possible, talk to her, meet the boys she want to hang out with. If you raised her right sheāll be ok. But always communicate. Even if the conversation is uncomfortable to you she needs to know you hear her. Listen to her. Remember you were her age too. All kinds of emotions going on right now.
You can tell her no, but sheāll find a way to have a boyfriend anyway. Sheāll see him at school, youād have to worry she was sneaking off to see him any time she left the house unless you were watching her like a hawk at ALL times, and you run the risk of making her hesitant to come to you about things. I donāt want to make assumptions about your daughterās character, Iām sure sheās a wonderful child and maybe all of that seems totally out of character for her. Iām just basing this on what I remember about being a teenager.
This is just my personal feelings on the subject, as someone with a 14 year old sister Iām taking care of right now. Let her feel like her choices about her romantic life are her own. You have every right to control how she spends her time at home, and how much contact she has with said boy. You can monitor the relationship, as long as you donāt force her to have the relationship in secret.
This is just my opinion. I know any choice you make will be made with the best of intentions and love for your daughter, and will be the right choice for your family.
I am on the reverse. My 14 yr old boy wants to date but Iām not having that. The girls these days have no morals and itās all about sex. My son is a athlete and is usually one of the best on a team so girls flock to him. Heās such a good kid and I want so much for him. I dont want him to hide things either but truthfully even if we leave that door open and communicate freely i am sure there will still be things that kids hide. Reason being that anything they think we wouldnt approve of will not be brought to the table. I would talk to her and ask that she wait an additional year or two.
Iāve been in your shoes 2 times. My oldest now 18 had her first boyfriend when she 13 I gave her permission under couple conditions and after I herd a lit about this boy. His parents wanted him home right after school, he had good grades lol and I did call her if she was 5 minutes late from school. She was allowed to see him only in school. Lasted 2 months because summer came and on the vacation it was over. No more boyfriend after that until she was 15. Came home one day with a hickey God I almost smack her. I took the phone away and called the boyfriend cuz him out and he never looked for her again. Yes I know I was probably wrong but it did helped. With my second girl I gave her permission 13 year as well. But were ever they went wich was movies or Knotts we were there. 9 months later they broke up she was hut and I told her that was the reason I donāt think she should have boyfriends yet. So I told her the same thing I told her sister. No more boyfriends until you are old enough. Because you are not in the age to feel that kind of pain. Boys all they want at that age is to be popular with their friends letting them know how many girls they can have. That is my story. You make the best decisions you believe is right for your girl only you know what you have.
My mom was a very strict parent she never allowed me to have a bf or even have him or friends overā¦ Let me just say she will go behind ur back and hide things from youā¦I rebelled agasint my mom for a lot of things I even left the house at some point. But every child is differentā¦I hope this is not the case I would let her have a bf if they wanted to see outside of school I would have him come to my house rather then her gonover their if u allow it to that point.
Get to know the boy she is thinking aboutā¦not all boy parents are raising there sons to be predators. The world is changing and we as the majority are raising our sons to be gentlemen and to be aware of boundaries and what is age appropriate. Dont be afraid of your daughter growing up and dont discourage natural experiences but be involved. Set boundaries and take the effort to learn the boundries that the boys parents have set. Talk to the parents and work out what works for everyone. Trust me parents of 14yr old boys dont want unexpected pregnancies either. If the parents dont share your views on boundaries then discuss this with your daughter and how you dont want this to affect her life negatively.
Explain to her that you think there is a time for everything in life. To go out with friends, do stuff she likes, learn, and when she has explored her talents, gifts and passions, and is ready, then she can date. That before been a couple a girl has to be herself, to find a boyfriend who suits her and will help and not interfere with that journey.
Make sure you meet the boy to see if he is a nice lad ,because what you donāt want is her going behind your back and doing it any way least she has been open and honest ,talk about protection ect there is nothing wrong with young love as long as he treats her nice my daughter met her boyfriend at 15 I got funny about it and then I allowed her to go out with him and he actually is a very nice lad he buys her flowers and everything and since she has been with him sheās grown up a lot my daughter is on the pill as well she is 16 now and I know who she is with he comes our house every other day my daughter is happy and settled and sheās not out on the streets pissing around I no where she is, her boyfriend is so good with my daughter
If you donāt allow things sheāll sneak it my mom thought boyfriends that age meant hanging out at school lol little did she know I was lying about where I was after school and going to my boyfriends house ā¦ I was boy crazy all through school luckily I didnāt get pregnant until I was 20 and Iām still with him almost 9 years later married almost 3 years And 3 kids together
Allow her to have boys as her friends. She has to know the difference. Telling her you canāt talk to boys is stupid, because she canāt go through life thinking that she has to snick do things.
Honestly you cant stop her. You either make it where she willingly and freely comes to you to talk about it, boys and and so on or you make it where she feels she cant talk to you and does it behind your back.
I guess I was lucky. I told my daughter she couldnāt have boyfriends at that age, but then she ended up being a late bloomer anyway and didnāt have her first boyfriend until she was 19.