I Do Not Want My Ex's New Girl Posting Our Kids On Social Media: What Can I Do?

QUESTION:

"My ex recently started dating new women. They have been seeing each other for about three weeks when I noticed she started posting pictures of my kids on her Facebook. I have never even met this woman yet. When I messaged her about this and asked her not to do it, she told me that she would post whoever she felt like, and I had no say in it! And that I was selfish for saying anything to her at all. After this, I told her she would not be spending time with my daughters until I meet her and can get to know her. To this, she responded that she would spend time with my daughters whether I like it or not! Am I in the wrong for not wanting her in my kid's life"

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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

"It’s weird of this woman to be posting these kids 3 weeks into dating their dad. I wouldn’t be thrilled about it either."

"It's dads choice as well. Since they are his children as well. So while they are with him it is up to him."

"Maybe I’m old school, I strongly believe that a parent shouldn’t introduce their kids to whom their dating for at least 6 months. Yes, it was rude an disrespectful of her to post without meeting you first."

"If the dad said it was okay then she has the right to. You aren't the only parent to those kids. Yes it sucks and you can state your opinion but in the end he can allow it as well. She should be respectful of you though and she does sound like she won't last long if it's only been 3 weeks. I would talk to him about it and tell him how you feel about her posting pictures."

"Woah, in my opinion this woman is way out of line. The only people who should have any say on what is and isn't posted of your children is you and your ex. If your ex doesn't come to an agreement, it's important you set out some boundaries. This is entirely inappropriate and she is completely ignoring the fact that you are their mother. Everything you've said is perfectly decent. Keep doing what you're doing, I think you know what's right. You aren't being selfish!"

"Absolutely not. She has NO say or right to post anything about your children or the need to be around the children until you meet her and know it’s safe and okay. She has NO rights to your children. However if dad still has his parental rights and she’s with him then unfortunately unless you go to court and give them reason to believe she shouldn’t be around kids there’s not too much you can do. If there is worry then don’t send them and pursue as you need to. I think he should wait and get to know her himself before bringing the kids into the mix and there shouldn’t be an issue with her meeting you especially if the kids are there. It’s just the respectful and adult thing to do."

"Report the photos. Facebook will remove photos of kids posted without parental permission."

"Talk to your ex about this. Does he post pictures of them?"

"That's a nope for me. I don't allow others to post my kids on social media and if she had any respect for you or your children, she would want to meet you. 3 weeks is too soon to even meet my kids."

"If dad is allowing it, then you need to back off and learn that you are NOT in control of everything that goes on at his house in his care."

"I would respectfully bring this issue up. All you can do is try, just tell her why it bothers you and try not to create drama out of it."

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For me, this is an issue of safety. Most parents have strict privacy controls on who can see photos of their children, whilst this lady may not. Having photos of your kids on the internet for anyone to be able to see just isn’t safe.

Add to that, if she’s also posting locations, then it’s really not hard for a pedophile to be able to track them.

However, instead of going off at the girlfriend, I would have spoken to the ex, and raised my concerns with him, as attacking the girlfriend could well have been perceived as jealousy on her part, regardless of the truth.

Asking for any photos of the children to be made private and unshareable is reasonable and rational.

Going off saying that “you’ll never see my kids again,” whilst perhaps understandable, isn’t.