As someone who’s served I’ve heard of this happening a lot. “What happens on deployment, stays on deployment” or so they say 
he probably got lonely over there and finally told you because it has been eating at him. It doesn’t make it right and you have the right to be upset but it’s up to you to decide if you can forgive a moment of weakness.
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You have every right to feel upset and hurt, however reflect back on the yrs, when you didn’t know this info. Have they been good, has he been a good husband, a good father, think about those things, and then talk to him and tell how you feel, in a sit down adult way, not a screaming match, and let him know he shouldn’t say anything until your done you have every right to your feelings and to express them. Good luck to you and your family.
I mean…it’s obviously been bothering him a long time. I’d let it keep bothering him and address they lying for 15 years part. He deprived you of the opportunity to make an informed decision in an awful lot of huge life choices in that 15 years…
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Be mad!! I get it….but 15 years ago….has he been a good husband since. Not condoning his behavior at all. BUT, in those 15 years has he been a good husband, father and friend. Do you believe that? You can be mad, but don’t listen to any of us…listen to what your heart says. That is all that matters in the end.
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Drunk words are the truth that people dont have the balls to say out loud. He did it, no doubt. But he also feels guilty about it for it to be on his mind all these years later. It could have been the only time he cheated. Feel how you want about it, but if he only did it once then it sounds like he learned his lesson by the guilt. It’s been weighing on him for 15 years, thats more punishment than you think. And if yall get along great, you should try to talk about it. Let him know how you feel about it and hear him out also. 20 years is a long time, he obviously loves you.
You have every right to be upset but think of this does what happened 15 years ago overshadow all the good that has happened in those 15 years? Just take your time and reflect . Best wishes
“Once” I’m sorry but it isn’t ever just once I’m married to a cheater, he cheats about every 2 years. (Yes I’m aware this is unhealthy) due to financial reasons I’m not in the position to leave.
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Depending on how much you love him but don’t let go if you truly love him someone will always take a good man
It was 15yrs ago. Suck it up:rofl:
The people laughing at this have obviously never been through anything relatable. I would say take time to process, talk to a counselor, then make a decision.
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It is what it is
You have the right to be upset
But it’s been 15yrs
Has he been unfaithful to what you can recall?
Be upset
Pray
Let it go
And keep living your life
If everything is good between you 2 since then
Then just letting go.
Forgive n let it go
Or it will eat you alive n destroy what you have.
Good luck
God bless you all
You need to talk with him about it. But it was a long time ago. Not worth getting too upset over.
I think you can still be angry, I would be angry that he didn’t come to me about this before. That’s what I’d be more angry about. Keeping it from me if it’s a mistake yeah I get it, your entitled to how you feel go to therapy to work your feelings out if you need to.
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He should have told u sooner
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You do have a right to be upset. I would consider just talking things over with maybe a counselor and work through it. It was a long time ago and a lot of questions and anger now.
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Honestly no I’d of been gone as soon as I found out and here is why ok sure it was 15 years ago but in reality ok yeah it was 15 years ago but in those 15 years he obviously didn’t care enough or feel enough remorse to tell you
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It’s not the act, it’s the lying. He admitted it drunk and is now denying it. He has been lying for 15 years and is still lying today.
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That thing is common unfortunately and I’d take it as fact. You have every right to be upset because he put your health at risk coming home and sleeping with you! That’s disgusting. I would leave regardless of how well you get along and get fricken set tested every 6 months or more now bc wtf
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Can you forgive him? That’s the question. It was a long time ago. If he’s not showing signs of doing it now… Then. Can you let it go?
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for everyone saying “it was fifteen years ago, get over it” would you be saying that if it was five years ago? six months ago? yesterday? it doesn’t matter how much time has gone by, what matters is that he cheated on her. he didn’t tell her for fifteen years, that’s a long ass time to keep something like that to yourself, it would have me thinking what else has he done that he’s not ready to tell me about? will i hear another confession in a few years time? i wouldn’t be sticking around for that.
Pretty sure it’s happened more than once, once a cheater, always a cheater
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he’s with you now and , if he’s a great guy? let it go 15 years is along time . Maybe counseling to help get through it
I’d be mad that he did this but I’d also be mad why on earth did you tell me now 15 years later what was that for.
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No he probly told the ,truth and how many more
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Ok a point everyone else is seemingly missing. He paid to have sex with a prostitute. He wasn’t having an affair, he wasn’t “in love with her”, and (just guessing and dependent on location) it wasn’t “vanilla/missionary style”. I have had close Navy friends who “enlightened me” on some of the unusual/acrobatic acts that could be “purchased”.
So, I get he cheated…but not with his heart. Just something to consider. I personally could get over that, but that is me.
I mean this is new news to you so it’s reasonable to be hurt and angry. All the feelings you’re experiencing are very normal
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It may have happened a long time ago but it’s new info to you so I think you have every right to be upset about it.
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Umm … Things like that never happen just once . Run mama
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I would feel terrible as well , but 15 years ago, abroad? And he was probably on some weekend leave with the guys. Most of them have done it, they just haven’t felt the guilt of it for so long. I would have told him better not to know, but…Try to work through it, for your family
I mean. I’d leave. Because. He cheated…. I get it’s hard. But. I wouldn’t trust him anymore after that
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I understand how you feel. If he can hide this, what else is he hiding? What did she look like? Why would he do this to you when you’ve been faithful, holding down the fort while he was gone. This can cause a major mental breakdown for you bc you’re going to spin out of control with emotions and thoughts. So I do suggest seeking help to speak with a counselor to help you compartmentalize everything and help you get your feelings in order then go to marriage counseling so then you can express to him just exactly how you feel and how you two plan on moving forward from that moment.
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I’d definitely be hurt that it happened and that he took so long to say it. I’ve been with my husband 16 years, if he told me this id be extremely hurt. I’d probably at least have to have a few days alone to think about things.
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The lies would send me packing!!! He can’t be truthful abt something that happened so long ago…I would be mad all the way ard but the lying is current
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Seems like his true inner thoughts and desires come out when he drinks. I would be very deeply hurt by it…no matter how much “time” has passed.
Actually, it would make me even more upset that it happened within the first 5 years because it basically robbed you from being able to leave him and start a new life with someone else….
He kept it a secret so he could have a nice life with a loving wife…Didn’t seem to care that it would affect his Wife’s life if she were to find out about it. And obviously it’s something he’s been thinking about for a long time to finally announce it…
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He should have told you sooner and sex is never accidental… I hate the people try to use that as an excuse 
15 years…15 days or 15 minutes…He cheated. He lied to you and it’s you’re decision and your decision alone on if you can continue to trust him knowing he’s kept this from you for so long. Nothing against SW but he also put your health at risk sleeping with a prostitute and lying about it. 15 years doesn’t change the fact that he took away you’re trust and lied about it.
It still hurts no matter how long ago and it stays in your head. If it was a couple years ago idk I’d probably leave but that’s ME. It has been 15 years and you guys are happy right? Continue to be happy, this life is so short. Do what YOU think is right and feel how you feel. Figure out if it’s really worth the argument, the tears at this point in your marriage especially when things are good! Good luck 
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I’d leave. Not only cuz he cheated. But he lied for 15 years.
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Wouldn’t care about this.
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Forget it that was long ago ,get on with your life.
I refuse to be with a liar. I can’t…
I would leave. Not because he cheated 15 years ago. But because he lied for 15 years.
I would never be able to trust him again.
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Get him absolutely Lit, and see if he has anything else to say. Slip In a couple vodka shots and he will be chirping like a bird on sunrise.
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That’s not a joke and I’d tell him I wanted a divorce asap cheaters are disgusting, I don’t care how long ago it was that still doesn’t make it right, then add in he’s lied for 15 years? That shows he has zero respect for your marriage who lies for that long?
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so many women are ok with this, and do you know what that tells him? that it is ok, that he could easily go out and cheat again, if he hasn’t already… and then tell her in another 10-15 years and she’s gonna be fine with it again because she was the last time, don’t be a mug. you let it slide once and it will continue. you’re all weird, and clearly have no self worth at all🤦♀️
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He “accidentally” slept with a prostitute? 
no. 
“accidentally” kick him in the balls.
It was not a joke most likely. Do you think it’s possible he could still cheat? And if you think yes then probably leave if you do not think that’s the case then work through it. Positive is it was a prostitute there was no feelings involved.
A drunken mind speaks a sober heart. He’s held onto this for 15 years and his conscious finally took over.
This is something you have to decide on what’s best for you.
Forgive and forget if you want to make things work, or tell him to kick rocks and go sit on a cactus. No one can make that decision besides you.
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no you dont.that was along time ago now if you has cheated on you since you guys have been together.
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drunk words= sober thoughts
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That was then this is NOW move on. I am not sure
“getting on good” is some who gets drunk says stuff then takes it back as a joke.
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Paying for something with money isn’t an accident… Let it go… It was only sex not mutual affair. He paid and he was deployed. It’s been a long time. Let him confess and let go.
You have the right to be upset. You were together for 5 years when he did it… yeah it was a long time ago but you’re not supposed to do that shit when you’re with someone… and lie about it for 15 years.
Nobody can tell you how to feel. Or what course of action to take. Take some time, think about it deeply. Then choose what to do.
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Naw I’d be mad . If y’all where together 15years ago it doesn’t make it right just cause it finally came to light.
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Well is this something you can get past? I’d honestly have to let it go. Think of all your years and memories together. Unless of course you think this is something that is continuing, or your not going to be able to keep trusting him. But idk how its worth it to let it ruin your relationship now. You certainly have every right to be angry but its a big decision and something that needs to be thought about heavily. Good luck to you
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Why tf are people saying to let it go!? Tf kinda shit is that!?!! He not only cheated but lied to her for 15 mfing years!!! Hes unloyal and a liar at full capacity!! Id leave that mfer!!!
He did it only once sorry but I doubt it 
actually, who am I to say that, right? Maybe get him drunk more often and then corner him into the whole truth IDK, just a suggestion. I’m sorry this happened to you. I would be going spastic if it were me 
you guys have been together too long for secrets
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You have every right to be upset!! He hid this from you for 15 years. Honestly, I’d worry if he was hiding anything else since he was so great at keeping a huge secret like this for so long. Idc how good someone treats me, infidelity would be a deal breaker for me. Idc how long ago someone claims its been. That trust would never come back. The thought of their being more would always be in the back of my mind. Nobody is worth that pain and doubt!! If he didn’t want to lose you, he should’ve kept it in his pants. Cheating is never an accident. He didn’t fall out of his pants and into another woman’s cooter on accident. I’ll never understand how anyone could do this to someone they claim they love. And if they do cheat, the spouse deserves to know so they can decide if they want to try and fix things or not. Cheating and then hiding it for so many years is an act of pure selfishness. You deserved to know 15 years ago. Be mad!!
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You have three options
- leave
- get all of your anger about it out, forgive him and never bring it up again
3)cheat back so your even
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For those of you saying “Let it go” because it was so long ago… So you would be okay with your spouse cheating on you today as long as they got away with it for 15 years? As if it becomes less and less relevant as time passes
It would matter even more to me the longer it’s been because they wasted my life as I would’ve been gone a long time ago!
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You can feel However you want to feel but I wouldn’t let actions from over a decade ago ruin who he is now and the relationship that you have today. Is it shocking perhaps but unless he’s still doing it and full of raging STI’s and treats you awful you should be able to move forward. If you can’t and it bothers you try talking about it .
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The amount of people telling you to let it go JUST AMAZES ME!!
Cheating is cheating doesn’t matter when it occurred - yeah 15years ago is along time but YOU are just now finding out!! You have every right to be upset!!
But it’s your choice on what you do with the information given!
To me, once a cheater always a cheater! I’ve been cheated on I know the feeling - it makes me feel gross!
You and him need to have a deep convo!!
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My husband would be well dumped
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Cheating is cheating. You guys were obviously together if you’ve been together for 20 years and he did that 15 years ago. I’d be pretty upset too because he hid it for so long.
I’d honestly wonder what else he hid from me for such a long time
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I’d leave. Not only did he cheat, but he then lied for 15 years.
For those people saying “let it go”, you’re basically saying it’s okay for your partner to cheat providing you don’t find out/find out years in the future
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Letting it go is saying “I welcome all your infidelity and everything that comes with it, I won’t go any where”
Cheats again
You will be expected to turn your cheek again.
And WHOSE TO SAY HE HASNT CHEATED ON YOU SINCE??
He just NOW came out with this, WHAT ELSE IS HE HIDING FROM YOU?!
I have too many questions - not my circus not my monkeys
Good luck lady
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If she wanna leave because of something 15 years ago:thinking: Go ahead & walk out that door. One thing she gotta remember! One monkey don’t stop no show:man_shrugging:t5:
Idk who would joke about sleeping with a prostitute…. Kinda not okay and super nasty so I definitely don’t think it was a joke but it was 15 years ago… you can either pick to be mad over it or you can just move on
Girl be mad about something that happened 15 days ago not 15 years ago…fuck what he did…what is he doing NOW!!
He risked your health. I’d leave because he paid to cheat on you… 
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Sit him down and warn him you need to vent. You just want him to listen, not fix or rebut. But, ask him if there’s ANYTHING else he needs to divulge. Give him that time, should he need it (could be he bought a fecking Starbucks hen y’all were scrimping) and tell him you need to process (if necessary- 15-30 mins to yourself to process any new info) and then continue.
Vent.
Say your piece, thank him for being honest, tell him you’re ready to move past (assuming you are), and mean it. You cannot keep badgering the past bad behavior; if you can’t change it, accept it and move on.
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Who cares that’s the past if your happy let it be
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Here is what you need to ask yourself:
- do you love him and will you still be able to love him after this?
If no, leave.
If yes, next question - do we need counseling to work through this or can I just let it go? Either way, it has to be then left in the past. It can’t continuously be brought up when you’re mad or feeling insecure
- if you go to counseling, make it count. Talk about it and how you feel and get everything aired out. This can and does work with both parties do the work.
- continue on in your happy life and enjoy your life, not dwelling over one long ago incident before you were even married.
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You always have the right to feel your feelings… Don’t ever let that be an issue. I would be upset, hurt, pissed. Either way, you’ve gotta make a decision on whether or not to try and make it anyway, to move on, or to let this be a game changer. I’m so sorry… I found out my ex had a baby while we were married. Not the same thing because we’re not together obviously, but I understand the betrayal. And just remember, hurt, has no statute of limitations.
I wonder how many other lies he has hidden from you. If someone can keep a secret from you for 15 years I’d question everything.
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He cheated regardless…bye
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You were probably nagging him. My wife would put me in a mood. I’ve said things to my wife while intoxicated. I’ve been sober two years now. Maybe it’s time for him to sober up. Give him a decision. My wife did. Best decision I made. It’s the booze or her. I chose her!
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Don’t talk to anyone on here about it…. Sit down with your husband and talk about it. Communication is soooo important and that’s what everyone is missing from their marriages. Best of luck
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Drunk people don’t lie
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Don’t just let it go… bc now you will have trust issues with him no matter how long ago it was. It needs to be talked about and worked threw if there is gonna be a future even if it was 15 years ago… and if he has any other hidden secrets best they come out now…
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It was not long ago for you. It was recent so feel however you want to feel about this betrayal. He shouldn’t be laughing it out. I’m sure if you said “ok, I slept with someone 10 yrs ago once so we are even.” He won’t hesitate to let you know how he feels.
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Drunk or not, it was a confession of him cheating, and I feel like it was more than once, but if your relationship is great, I would still probably go to couple’s therapy to address the cheating and so he will know it is not acceptable no matter how long ago it was. Because if it isn’t dealt with, I feel like he would probably do it again if given the chance.
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Let the past be the past. Its the other good family yrs that have bee the real proof of his love and caring.
Std testing for both immediately regardless at u decide to do
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You can barely get the truth out of a man so he isn’t going to say something that incriminating and it be a lie. I’m sure there’s many other instances of him sleeping around.
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Drunk confessions are truth. So he can’t take it back. Now I’d be pissed too and idk if I could continue being married or not after that. It was a long time ago, but he still cheated and that is 1 thing I can’t look passed. So you need to really think on how you feel and if you can move pass it or not. Good luck doll
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The most honest people are either drunk or children.
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Well as long as he was tested to not have anything he can give you that was the past. There’s no difference in girls that hook up with lots of guys that the men sleep with and a prostitute really. I bet a lot of men have even hooked up with the strippers that hook up with men for money. You can only judge him on when he was with you.
So he waited 15 years to tell you he cheated… and now wants to say he lied about it. I’d wonder what else he’s hidden in that time. You’d already been together 5 years at that point so there was certainly no loyalty on his part there.
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Forget it! Everyone has some sin in their past. If you have a good life together now, count your blessings!
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To everyone saying “leave” don’t realize that people are human, people make mistakes. This little confession aside, do you have a good life? Is he good to you? Does he make you feel safe and loved? Do you work well as a team? People are not perfect, every single person commenting on this thread has a skeleton in their closest. You’ve been with this man for 20 years; there’s obviously something there keeping you guys together. So much time has passed since this happened that bitching about it isn’t going to do you or him any favors. You weren’t married when it happened; but you are now and when you said those vows hopefully you meant it and you guys can talk about it like adults. You don’t know where he was mentally when he was abroad; just like he doesn’t know where you are mentally right now. Communication. I am sure the two of you can work through it.
I would hold it over his head like a get out of jail free card. It was a long time ago and people make mistakes. It’s okay to be hurt but if he has only done it the one time you shouldn’t ruin your relationship over it.
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I mean the first time hearing news like that even thought it was years ago, is old info to him and new info to you. Of course you’re going to be upset about it. And now you’re going to have your thoughts. I would not let it affect your marriage though. Learn to get through it and ask him if he has cheated on you while y’all have been married and to be honest, if he says no then at least he has been faithful. I think you have the right to be upset especially since he is just now telling you, but I don’t think you should hold a grudge and be pissed at him forever, that’s in the past like way past. Let it go.
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Did you cheat during his deployment? Lol cheatin is cheatin… I’m jus willing to bet munnies you cheated but it was ok when you did it… Jus slayin
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A drunken tongue speaks a sober heart
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Cheating is cheating and it wasn’t an accident! That’s an excuse… and NOT TELLING YOU IS THE SAME AS LIEING for 15 years. I would need space to think about what’s best for you. I’m so sorry this happened to you. But there is NO RELATIONSHIP WITH OUT TRUST! And I wouldn’t trust him after this. He lied to you for 15 years. Wonder what else he isn’t tell you.
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Visit www.AffairRecovery.com. they are the experts in recovering from any infidelity. Don’t read random blogs or listen to people who haven’t been there. These people have been there and rebuilt their lives. Don’t go it alone!
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It was no joke. The fact that he can’t man up now is just sad. Makes me wonder if that was his only infidelity 
I’m sorry hun either way . Doesn’t matter if he was abroad or if he only did it once . Total b.s
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2 kids, good marriage, you weren’t there, and you don’t know what he was thinking, get over it quickly and don’t let it creep you out now. It’s done and in the past. Move on unless you want out of the marriage now. Keep thinking about it and you will never have a good marriage with him.
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Yes you do doesnt matter how long ago it happened you just found out about it. Did he sleep with anyone else