My husband of 4 years we have been together 20 years this year told me when drunk that 15 years ago when he was abroad with the army he slept with a prostitute once i dont know how i feel about this it was a long time ago do i have the right to be upset we get on great we have 2 kids he said it by accident i think and now is trying to take it back saying he was lying it was a joke i dont know how to feel
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I don't know how to feel about my husbands drunk confession...help?
Talk about it and move on. Was a long time ago.
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He probably did it more than once, but when you’re married to the military nothing should shock you. It just depends on how YOU feel.
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You absolutely have a right to be upset. He cheated on you. It doesn’t matter how long ago it was. I’m so sorry.
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I find that the truth usually comes out when someone is drunk. Since is was 15 years ago, talk about it, go to counseling and move on.
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It was a long time ago. I think you should talk about it, then move on.
Well yeah you have a right to be upset. He cheated. It doesn’t matter how long ago it was. He wasn’t loyal to you. That would personally ruin it for me. I couldn’t look at my SO the same
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Well, now the wound is open. You need to decide if you want to heal it or let it stay open forever. If you believe you can’t get past it, just leave now. If you want to heal it, start by talking about it thoroughly. Maybe some counseling. With time the wound can heal.
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He confessed while he had the balls lol. Only you can decide what’s best for you.
Talk and move on… 15 years ago not yesterday
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Drunks & babies always tell the truth
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He definitely wasn’t joking, he cheated. That being said, it was 15 years ago. If it were me, I would be pretty upset but we would hash it out and probably move on. You have every right to be mad and he will have to earn your trust back.
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We can’t tell you how to feel.
You feel how you feel.
Only suggestion would be to talk to your husband about how you feel and why you feel that way.
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If it was that long ago don’t harp on something that you don’t know is true or not. Will ruin what you have now. Move on!
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Was he your husband then ?
As long as he doesn’t have a kid from there coming to meet daddy…let it go and forgive if you feel your relationship is on solid ground now. One thing for sure a drunk seldom lies.
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He must of been holding onto the guilt for years. Speaking to a professional could help you overcome your hurt.
It doesn’t matter how long ago it was, this is a fresh wound for you.
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Well personally, I would leave, but it’s because of what I’ve been through and I know myself. That being said, you have to know yourself and your husband. Talk about it further and seek therapy together if need be.
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We can’t tell you how to feel. I would recommend working this emotion out with a therapist.
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For all of you saying it was a long time ago and to forget about it, no way. He has been holding that secret for 15 years, what else has he lied about or done in that 15 years? I’m not saying leave him, but I would definitely have a sit down conversation about it. I would be hurt to find something out like that years down the road, probably more than I would if it had just happened recently.
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I would be pissed and I would be ready to leave
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That’s tough….yeah that was 15 years ago for him but that’s new to you. Joke or not,
You’ll never know the truth about which it was. You just have to assume or take his word for it. I guess talk it out and later on if you still can’t get past it…let him go.
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He obviously felt very guilty for it if it still weighed on his mind 15 years later. You’re allowed to be upset, but remember what you two have built together and try to move forward.
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Girl make him bust that wallet clean open !
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The truth needs to be told. It will set you free. Communicate and then have a makeup session.
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It was years ago, try yo forget it, forgive, if he is currently faithful! And get on with your life! You probably will never forget it but forgive anyway,
Leave him… eww. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
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The fact he cheated then tried to say it was a joke and lie about it. Cheating is bad enough but trying to cover it after exposure is worse. Big NOPE, what else does he hide or “joke” about that has occurred?
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its probably true and I would discuss it… but also I wouldnt hold onto that if at all possible. it may have been eating him up since and drunk him finally had the balls to open up to you about it.
It’s 15 years ago get over it🤦♀️ PLUS you don’t know if it’s true or not to begin with. Drunk people say stupid **** doesn’t make it true. Don’t do anything stupid
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Drunk word’s are sober thought’s… it’s probably been eating away at him… forgive him and move on
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I mean it was 15 years ago? He didn’t kill anyone. I’m sure he doesn’t know every single that about you. If it doesn’t affect your life today… why bother fighting about it?
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I’d make up a story too
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Once a cheater. Always a cheater. If he did it once he will or already has done it again.
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If its when yee were together (which it is) he cheated, full stop… Just because it years before u found out doesn’t mean its ok now,whether its 15 years or 15 days.
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Is one mistake worth throwing away an entire life built together if the person is willing to admit the mistake and work forward? Only person who can make that decision is you.
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Maybe he was feeling really remorse all these years and he felt the need to take it out his chest. Yes you can be hurt but forgive and forget. It was A LONG time ago and you getting on really well. Just be firm that this SHOULD NOT be repeated and book a nice holiday for the whole family to help you all relax
You don’t accidently stick your peen in someone.
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People can change in two or three years. So I believe people can definitely be different and 15, decide if your husband is one of these people who can change and go from there
He cheated and lied about it FOR 15 YEARS. Meaning not once in 15 years did he care enough or feel guilty enough to come clean. I’d be done.
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So my kids father told me he met this beautiful model in LasVegas… before we were together… we had been together about 3 years and then his friends told me she wasn’t a model she was a prostitute.
There’s no humor in that.
I’m sorry I can relate
Girl he didn’t accidentally slip into that snatch. 
yes, you have a right to be angry.
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So many people cannot possibly imagine what it’s like being separated. Couples are not supposed to be away for long periods. I was in the military and witnessed many perfect husbands and fathers cheat or attempt to cheat on their wives while away.
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By accident? He tripped and ended up inside someone else? Smh
For those saying it’s been 15 years, get over it… no. Drunk words are sober thoughts, in his case actions… so no.
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“Get over it?” Na! What else is he “joking about?” What if he had of passed on an STD or and STI should she “get over it” then? 
keeping it that long speaks volumes, I’d be gone!
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How is sleeping with someone an accident? Did he trip and fall in?
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By accident?? What did he fall into her vjay jay?? 
depends if you can forgive and forget yes you have every right to be upset
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If it happened 15 years ago I’d be concerned he is feeling guilty because he either is thinking about doing it again or has recently. I’m an over thinker though! It would make me question everything though.
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My husband thinks he can fly when he’s drunk……….
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You don’t pay for sxxx by accident that’s willingly done , try therapy as he’s come clean , see what else if anything comes out and go from there, many ppl might say leave but many people give up these days, therapy is the answer and whilst in therapy make a back up plan for yourself to.leave so you have all bases covered
You have every right to be upset!
Mum hard one , hurt , astounded, think about what you want like an holiday, or ??? And leave him wondering if your going to do the same, torcher
Would yall responses be the same if it was 6 months ago?
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Being in the Armed Services comes with a lot of stress. Service Men and Women don’t have a lot of ways to deal with the stress and depression from being away from home, especially if they are in an occupied volatile situation. If it were me, I would explain that my feelings are hurt, and trust will take time to be re-established but thank him for the honesty and it is also a good time to set some boundaries for the future and then let it go. Why destroy a now happy family over something that happened over a decade ago?
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He needs to admit to it and make it right. Then it’s up to you if it’s worth forgiving 
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You don’t cheat by accident.
I mean you just slip and fall into bed with someone? Cheating is a deliberate action. He would have had to seek out a sex worker, proposition her, then pay her. That’s a plan and thought out action. That’s not a mistake. But you do have the right to be upset. To him it’s 15yrs old to you it just happened and you’re feeling 15 yrs of betray, lies and hurt.
I would suggest going to marriage counseling. Start there. Don’t agree to just get over it and move on. A therapist can help see if you guys can work through this.
Drunks and kids. They tell the truth by accident.
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he did it. you now know it. you haveEVERY right to feel whatever you feel. doesnt matter how long ago. you have to react to his action. do you want to get revenge, cold shoulder, ignore, seperate for a while? its totally up to you
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Suck it up. 15 years ago!? Don’t be a prude…
He’s your husband it was so long ago it’s over it’s not like he’s still doing it get over it hang on to your marriage the enemy is out to destroy every family that he can
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Silly man! He should of kept his mouth shut. It was 15 years ago and he hadn’t said anything before. I bet he’s kicking himself.
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Were you two married when that happened? Yes, you have the right to be upset. For him to bring it up might have bothered him?? Or why did he bring it up?? But talk about it. Both of you needs healing from it.
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It was eating away at him and he needed to get it off his chest. That’s on him. Only you can say how you feel about it and what you’re going to do about it now.
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He may have done it 15 years ago but to you it’s brand new and hurts. He needs to stop lying, admit it, apologise and try to work through it if that’s what you want to do. But dismissing the issue isn’t going to be helpful for either of you
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He didn’t say it was an accident, he accidentally said it
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I don’t care if it was 15 years ago. That means he held such a hurtful thing in for 15 years, what else is he hiding like that? May be 15 years for him, but it’s current for you. I’d leave. I deal with a LOT, but cheating ain’t it.
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Prostitute has zero feelings for him and vice versa. I would be fine with it:speak_no_evil:
Forgive him for this and enjoy the rest of your married life. Let it be.
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Why would he bring this up after 15years!! Just to hurt her. What a thoughtless, careless thing to do. Could be lying or not, regardless just a jurk would bring up old crap
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It was way before you
If he hid that from 15 years ago. Imagine what more he hid from you?
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I don’t believe OP is saying her husband paid for sex by accident, but rather, TOLD her about it by accident. This is tough, Momma. I don’t have any advice other than to go with what your gut tells you and maybe some counseling wouldn’t hurt too. Good luck.
how do you “accidently” have sex with someone? do you trip and fall into them?
It’s not like he just left the bar with some woman… he had to go looking and then paid? Idk doesn’t seem like an accident to me…that takes planning.
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His still with you, he made a big mistake he told you he wants you. Otherwise he would not tell you about it. People make mistakes.
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He fessed up bc alcohol and guilt leads to admissions which means he is generally concerned . He retracted bc of fear. Let it go. He knows you know. If there hasn’t been any other occurrences or patterns of cheating then let it go. Good people make stupid mistakes especially when young and dumb. If it’s a pattern then that points to deep seated issues that only therapy and self awareness will help 
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Key word 15 YEARS AGO…
Like Elsa from Frozen sings, “LET IT GO!”
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It’s the tip of the iceberg.
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Tell him to call his best mate and have him ask if he ever told him about the time he slept with a hooker, while the phones on speaker… That is something I’m sure they’d of discussed a few times if it was true and he wasn’t trying to get a rise out of you.
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It was 15 years ago!!
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Honestly it sounds like he knows you are upset which is why he is trying to back track. He’s probably realizing he should’ve just never said anything. On the other hand, it might make him feel better on the inside that he came clean to you. You absolutely have every right to be upset by this - your feelings are completely valid. I’m sure it still hurts that he slept with someone else while you guys have been together. Since it was 15 years ago, you will have to decide if you can look past it especially if he hasn’t done anything like that since. I would definitely just have a conversation with him. Explain how you are feeling and ask him how he’s feeling now that he has shared that with you - it really does sound like he needed to get that off his chest
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We’re you together at this time
Tell him you have to have a full treatment spa day to think about what you’re going to do. You get a nice day, he gets the kids and sweats a little. Then let it go.
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You should probably consider marriage counseling or seeing a therapist for yourself. Idk what resources you have but there are affordable options online. I’ve seen Cerebral advertised a lot and it’s very low cost
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Honestly no one can tell you how to feel about your husband. We are not there with you & your family day in & day out. We don’t know EVERYTHING. We only know this one small detail about you and your husbands relationship. This is something that you need to sit down to think about and figure it out for yourself. A therapist or marriage counseling may even be a great idea. Don’t make decisions based on what social media feeds you. No one can tell you what you should do about this situation. You are a fully grown woman and you are capable of making the decision for yourself. Just do some deep soul searching and ask yourself what is it that you really want, need and deserve in life and in your relationship.
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Once a cheater always a cheater. He kept this behind your back for 15 years. Big betrayal
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If he lied for 15 yrs about that it makes a spouse question and wonder what else are they lying about. This tears the trust. There are couples who get past infidelity (I personally cannot) but if yous choose to want help to make it work maybe marriage counseling.
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It was before you damn. My husband supposedly knocked up a stripper on a one night stand:rofl: turned out 7 years later… Maury determined he was NOT the father
Definitely not a joke 
don’t fall for that crap … but that sounds like a really held in admission of guilt at a moment of weakness for sure 
you absolutely have a right to feel hurt
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Your being dramatic. Move on its not like hes saying it happened last night FIFTEEN YEARS AGO you gonna sit there and say 15 years ago you never made a mistake? Jesus
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I’d be pissed. I’d be pissed at the health part of it as well. You could’ve got something from him being stupid.
I see it as he has been lying for 15 years.
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Don’t listen to everyone! That was a long time ago, he loves you he’s with you. It probably weighed heavily on his conscious all these years and that’s why it came out when drunk. He didn’t want to hurt you. It’s hard to be in the service away from everyone you know & love n it probably was a lonely drunken mistake. I don’t condone cheating at all, but this one time tell him you forgive him & let it go!
In my opinion. That’s what I would do. Good luck & God bless!
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I think 15 years ago is forgivable.
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Please remember accepting it is basically saying it’s okay for you to cheat on me. I’m sure you have more self-worth than that. Whether it being 1 month ago or 15 years ago - Cheating is cheating. It saddens me that so many people are willing to accept this rather than “ruining a marriage.” Its not you who is responsible for ruining the marriage. He did when he made a decision to sleep with a prostitute. That he has hidden for 15 years… Who knows what else he is hiding.
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He did it. Leave if you want, stay if you want. I’d be gone.
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I know the betrayal is old, but the wound it’s created is fresh and still very raw.
He did this a very long time ago, it doesn’t make it right and it doesn’t excuse what he did.
He never told you, because he didn’t want to hurt or lose you. But it still bothered him for 15 years to know he betrayed a loyal woman and that’s revenge enough.
He was a much younger and irresponsible version of himself back then.
Think of how he’s always treated you, with love and respect? How he’s stood by you through hard times? Think of everything before you decide if this is something that will break you or ultimately maybe even make you stronger?
My fiancé betrayed me by sleeping with his ex one last time, 3 days before moving in with me and I only found out 5 months later… It was ugly, very ugly and it broke me and all trust I had. Things went rough as hell for a long while and then he showed me that he’s changed. We’ve been stronger ever since.
So do you get a hall pass since he got one
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U have zero right to be mad.id be laughing my ass off , like for real babe tell me more. Pass the beer .
Maybe he did. However wrong it was of him, I can see that there is a lot of pressure in the military. Like other guys doing it and don’t want to feel disgusting so egging other guys to do it with them makes them feel less disgusting about it. Has he been a good husband these last 15 years? Has he given you any other suspicions? Maybe it was a one time thing and he felt awful about doing that too you too.
Idk you guys or your situation but maybe a conversation and/or therapy wouldn’t hurt.
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