I am single mother of two. I left my kids dad approximately 4 years ago because if severe physical abuse. The abuse was so bad that I almost lost my life. For the past four years, I’ve dedicated my life to my two boys only, and I think I’m doing a good job with them, but deep inside I feel so lonely, but u don’t know how to start dating again. I think I’m attractive, but I dont feel like any other man will even contemplate having a relationship with me because I have two children, plus, I don’t even come out, so I don’t even meet people to say I can even think of getting to know. I have the desire to have a male in my life,but I don’t even know where to start from.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I don't know what to do, just feel so lonely
Don’t look for a man. Just focus on being the best you… and he will come. Lol
First of all, I’m a mom of 3. I found my husband through friends. He loves me and my children as if they were his very own. It’s scary to take a leap of faith. But sometimes it can be the best thing that’s ever happened to you! Go out with friends. Find a reliable baby sitter and have some mom time!
Try a dating site. List that you just wanna talk. See where it goes. Nothing other than that. If you eventually wanna meet up. That is all on you and if they are true men, two kids won’t come in the way. If he says well you can’t find time for me. He isn’t a true man. I spent almost 3 years alone. With two kids. I thought the same. Never thought i would actually meet someone. Ive been with my guy for almost 4 years and we have a baby. Mind you. He didn’t have ANY kids before that! Just take it slow. If they don’t like that. Move on to the next.
Start with healing yourself and loving yourself.
I am a solo mother of many, been single for 8 years. Also left a highly toxic and abusive relationship.
The feelings you’re feeling are partly a phase, and partly your own unhealed self trying to make yourself feel whole again with a companion. When the truth is, only YOU can make yourself whole.
Enjoy raising your kids on your own… not everyone can do it.
Dating sites! Be picky:)
I forgot the name of it, but there is a dating website for single parents. I’ve seen it advertised on Facebook. I’m not a single mom, but I am a mom probably why I’ve seen the ad a couple times lol
I was a single mom of two boys when I met my now husband. We have been together for 10 years.
Singles groups or classes at church are a good easy environment.
I feel the same way too, I don’t even go jogging anymore. I used to love jogging; but there is this ex of mine that dm’d me that he wants me back in his life. I care for him, but I’m scared to mess it up. He is much older and he doesn’t have the typical looks I go for. I know I sound shallow.
And it’s a struggle to find a sitter for me.
Singles group church friends
Church meet a good man.
I became a single mom when i was 20, when i left my husband. My babies were my everything. I became the person i am today because of them. I just retired last yr (I am 68) i went out not to find someone, but just to dance & gave fun. But this was back in the 70’s & 80’s. I also did the two things (careers) i wanted to do since i was a little girl. A hairdresser, then a RN. Both i loved & happy i did. So i would say, enjoy your kids, because before you know it they will be grown.with a family of their own. Join a church or whatever you believe in. Go back to school, even if it’s just for fun. You will meet people there. Just have fun. Don’t worry about meeting your next husband or your next boyfriend. Just enjoy your life
Well, can’t help with the lonely but trust me, the right man won’t be deterred by 2 kids. I’m living proof of that
First things first momma…
Find your self esteem. Therapy, walking, Tai Chi/meditation (YT has great beginner video’s), start a journal… Decide what you want and then start a plan. Any plan. Start slow. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Just DO something. Exercise lifts your mood bc it releases endorphins. You and your boys can do stuff together. You’ll notice your self esteem start to grow.
Write down 3 things you like about you, daily. Doesn’t matter what. 3 things. Read them in front of a mirror every single day. At the end of the week, read all 21 things. Out loud. Look yourself in the eye. Be comfortable in your greatness and flaws.
Trying to love someone else is harder when you don’t love yourself. You’re a fighter. You’re a mom. You’re smart. You’ll be a catch but before that, work on you girl. Work on liking you first. Confidence will come.
Don’t just jump in and settle bc you’re lonely. Look for someone you’d like your sons to immulate and respect.
One day at a time.
I have 5 grown children now, I was single with 3 after 11 years of marriage, had 2 more children in that marriage of 8 years…and was single when I met my husband of 10+ years. If they are not willing to love you and your babies…they’re not worth it. The right one is out there.
My only advice would be to seek a therapist maybe? They can help you talk out your feelings and help with the trauma. Change is scary.
I can’t really tell you how to start because I don’t really get out much either. But I will say do not do online dating or go to bars. Those are pretty risky places to be looking for a mate in my opinion. I wanted to say this though. There are men out there who will love you and your boys. I promise. Do not feel like no man will want you because of that. I’ve seen quite a few men take on single mamas with three or even four kids. Trust me, I promise that they exist.
I was a single mom to a daughter and met my now husband on an online dating app
The right man will not care if you have kids
Fill your extra time with fun and learning. Don’t worry about what any man will think about you and two children. Carry yourself well and proudly… and leave the rest to God .
Learn to “date” yourself. Get dressed up, Go out to dinner, go to the library, get involved with Habitat for humanity, get involved with your local government, join a political party and volunteer at their headquarters. There is so much in life to live!!!
Online dating worked for me. Just be careful.
I have 5 children. Trust me, there are still men out there who will not mind.
I was a single mom of 3 when I met my husband online. We’ve been together 16 years now.
Girl my husband did not care I had two kids from two separate fathers one of which caused serious drama when I got with my husband don’t doubt yourself a real man with love you either way.
I’ve used online dating before. But I’ll be straight honest… it sounds good but it ain’t worth it. For myself, I know I have a lot of personal growth to focus on and the growth of my daughter. I was with my ex for almost 3 years and it was a very hard balance. I’m now single and have been for almost 6 months. It’s been fantastic. I’m really taking this time in my life to be all about MY life.
Being lonely is really hard. But make sure it won’t drive you into the arms of an unworthy man. You’re doing great mama. And if you need a friend… you can message me! We can be single mom friends and come up with crafts and like idk drink wine over the phone or something
But long story freaking long lol
I understand where you’re at in life. You may feel alone… but you’re not alone
Please don’t ever think a man won’t want you bcuz you have kids. My sister had 7 children when she met her now husband who had sole custody of his own 2 kids, they’ve been together 25 years
Omg girly I have to comment I was with a man for 12 years known him 16 years. Long story short we have a 10 and 3 year old I went through what you did always went back because I had his kids. I never needed him I always took care of me and my kids but I stayed single for 6 months before I got with my SO and I wasn’t ready to move on but this man is soul mate and makes me so happy and treats my babies just as good. Give it a chance im happier then I ever have been you will find the right person men love a independent women and there is good men out there that will love younand fix the broken pieces much love. Church and keeping good people in my life and doing things with the kids and working hard has always helped me through any struggles.
I am 37 years old, I have 4 children, now ages 18,18,13 and 8. I’m twice divorced. After my 2nd divorce, I jumped into a relationship with a man who turned out to be just as bad as my 2nd husband. I had to get a restraining order in order to end that relationship. He refused to move out and leave me alone. I swore I was gonna stay single and focus on myself and my kids. I ended up going out with my friend to celebrate her birthday. Her husband brought along one of his friends. We met March 29th 2019. We started talking at the beginning of April 2019, started dating May of 2019 and we were married July of 2019. I didn’t look for him. I didn’t plan it. It just happened. He’s amazing to me and all 4 of my kids. He has no kids of his own, so he got an instant family. We’re actually in the process of him adopting my two youngest children. I promise you, there are good men left out there. Ones who will love your children more than he loves you. They will prove it daily without you having to ask. All you have to do is be open to it!
I have two children and a single mom. I was single for three years after my youngest was born and met my amazing boyfriend online. Luckily I had already known him from high school but hadn’t seen one another since we graduated. We have been together for two years now and he has no kids of his own. Just be careful if you take that route!
Online dating is harsh, people will judge you soley on looks or just expect sex. Find a cause you believe in, or local events to attend, volunteer. Just get out and meet real people, make friends, doing things you like. For me it’s museums, heritage, history, cooking demos… But socialize, rather than dating apps. Those things are brutal.
Continue to focus on God and loving yourself and kids. God will put you in the position to met a good man keep your Faith honey
In exactly the same boat. Met an amazing respectful loving man who admitted after 2 months he didn’t feel like he was spiritually ready to raise 2 kids. While I understood that, it hurt. We are still best friends so it wasn’t a complete waste of time but it made me feel like most men will view my kids as an inconvenience, not a blessing. My only advice… have zero tolerance for red flags. Wait to let them meet. Don’t rush into a physical relationship. Tinder is cringe. I personally like Christian dating apps. The men on them tend to have better values, a stronger sense of family. Best of luck to you. Was married almost 5 years to a physically abusive drug addict, then wasted 2 and a half years on someone who decided to cheat. It’s hard. Be firm. Set your standards high and tell them upfront what you won’t deal with. The right one will respect you. I’ve not had luck meeting anyone in person, it seems like good men are so shy to approach a female. I’d avoid bars!
My husband fell in love with my 3 children and me as well. He is the biggest blessing we’ve ever had! Don’t think no one will want you because of kids. I met my husband online
Oh honey the right man, the man for you, will not hesitate in the slightest because of your children. What are your hobbies? What do enjoy? Sign yourself for classes or join a group and see what happens naturally. Good luck to you!
Use a dating website!
I was in the same boat but when I wasn’t looking for it, I met my now husband at my grandparents house, of all places! Lol. Do things for yourself, whatever activities bring you joy, those places i.e., book store, gym, library…that’s where you’ll meet people with like interests. Good luck!
I have 3 children and eventually met a man that accepted the whole package. Met him through coworkers.
here if you need to talk
Sis, I have a niece that had 5 kids, relocated and met her fiance and had another baby!! YOU GOT THIS JUST.
GO AFTER WHAT WARMS THOSE FEELINGS YOU WEREN’T THINKING MATTERED
I’m in the same boat. I have 4 kids and left my abusive husband after 15 years, I’ve been single for 3 years. It’s hard when our kids become our life and getting out is harder these days. I tried the online thing but just a bunch of guys wanting booty calls
Try church find a singles class to get involved in.
As someone in a similar position; kids, prior abuse, and all, I understand the feeling. I recently tried dating and was in a relationship for 7 months when I called things off. Make sure you know what you want in a relationship and what your boundaries are. You’ll be surprised by what you come across. I will say this past experience makes me SOOOOOO much happier to be single. There’s a lot of trash out there.
Start attending some groups, gym, art classes ect.
Single mother of 3 here. I was just as lonely as you. Went on a dating site and was just looking to see what was out there. My current boyfriend found me and messaged me. Best thing I ever done was replying back! We’ve been together almost a year now!
It don’t matter if you have kids just be yourself and get out and see other people they are people who like kids and you need to see other people you are very pretty and don’t let anyone tell you different
Oh you’ll get there, take your time but don’t let that loneliness drive you into something you’ll regret later. You will find what you’re looking for when the time is right.
It will take time. You keep raising those two boys until you can find someone that can accept all of you and not leave after a few months. I have two step kids of my own and love them like there my own. It’s honestly hard to find a man that will be a step dad. There’s not to many real men left in this world that will step up
Hi! I’m maddy. This is my husband nick. We met on tinder, and fell in love. Together, he’s adopted my son, and we now have a baby daughter. Good men are out there, who’ll love your children as if they were their own. I don’t normally advocate for dating apps, but it helped me meet the love of my life. Yours could be on there too!
First of all, I’m so sorry you endured a toxic and nearly deadly relationship for so long. Congratulations on escaping and building a new life for you and your children. Brava! Sending love and positive vibes to you.
You have to be good by yourself before you can invite someone else to share your life. Please seek counseling to get over trauma, explore if you are co-dependent or depressed or whatever hole in your life you are looking to fill. No one can fill it or make you happy but you. You have been through a LOT, and it will probably take a lot to feel safe, normal and get rid of the horrible abusive messages you got. Also make sure your kids get therapy as they lived through trauma too. If you crave sex, get a sex toy for now.
Next, find things you enjoy and participate in life. You may have to push yourself a bit. You meet people with similar interests by volunteering, taking classes from painting to a foreign language to history to auto mechanics to a Home Depot birdhouse workshop. Join a walking or cycling group, take a class at a gym or Rec center. Help at an animal shelter or take in foster animals and get pure love from the animals there. It’s a more natural way to meet and get to know people without the pressure of dating.
Make good new friends, don’t just look for boyfriends. Older people, younger people, every color, gender, ability, culture. They’ll expand your horizons, have you doing more new stuff, be potential babysitters, job sources, and will expand your network. Human contact with nice, ethical people will bring out more joy in you. Other moms make great friends. Sadly there are a lot who escaped abuse too, but they may “get” you like no other.
Once you are having fun, have plenty of friends and are feeling more whole, only then do things where you’re likely to meet men. Things like Events and Adventures get singles together for fun activities where you meet new people. Or there’s speed dating and singles mixers. Talk to friends who have done online dating and find out techniques to up your success and pitfalls to avoid before you do that. I’ve met a few good guys online but also a lot of “frogs.”
Say goodbye and drop people who don’t make you feel good. Be around positive, energetic and enthusiastic people and it will rub off on you. There are billions of people in the world; the more you meet, the more good ones you’ll find and you don’t have to be friends with just anyone. Also, the more friends you have the more likely one of them will have someone who wants to meet you.
Lastly, as others have said, kids won’t make a difference to the right person. No worries. There used to be a group called Parents Without Partners for single parents.
Go hang out at home depot… Im contemplating it😂
My dad dated a woman with 5 girls. Only reason they didn’t work out was lack of communication.
A good man will love your kids as their own . It won’t matter . Just be very picky and don’t repeat old patterns . You need a fresh start and do not need to be with anyone who doesn’t respect you completely
Join something just for you. Mom groups, some kind of art class, or start working out at a gym.
Dating sites! You can start stepping out there even just talking. I broke up with my abusive husband 4 and a half years ago. I finally had the courage to leave …marriage was bad last 10 years of the 22 year marriage. After 6 months I got online… I had fun. I met my current love on plenty of fish… we’ve been together almost 4 years now He loves my 2 sons like his own he and my daughter butt heads a lot… she’s 22 … but he hangs in there and he absolutely loves and acts as a grandpa to my grandson (daughters son) he’s not close to my ex so he only knows my boyfriend as his Pop Pop. Good men are out there willing to step in
I’m more in the mind set, that once your a mom your a mom. If you failed in the relationship you, should at least wait till your kids are old enough to protect themselves a bit. Nowadays women just jump from one failed relationship to the next, showing their kids nothing but a shit show of failed relationships. Then their those who fall in love with child molesters and abusers and trusting just about anyone. Better be safe then sorry enjoy your kids. You just might come across your soul mate when your not looking.
As a single dad I join these mom pages so I can get insight and make sure I am able to provide for my son as much motherly love as possible… might sound lame but y’all give me great ideas.
I feel exactly as you have described and understand the loneliness. I don’t feel I will ever find a mate again and I try to be alright with that… but it’s hard. I just focus on being the best parent possible and hope that someday I will find someone to share a life with along the way. It’s not fair but when I see my well adjusted child succeeding I know that it’s worth it and somehow that gets me through.
It’ll happen when it happens. Just take things slow so you can be picky for yourself and your kids. In the meantime stay stocked up on batteries
Don’t even look, you’re not ready. Just focus on raising your children. You first have to heal yourself, build your confidence and love yourself before you can jump into a healthy relationship, otherwise you’ll end up in a relationship with the wrong guy and cause emotional damage to you and your children. You’ll find your soulmate when you’re not looking for him.
I left my abusive ex the father of my 2 kids 2 years ago. He made me feel so worthless that when i left him i never thought i would ever love a man and find one who could love me with all my past … But now ive been in a relationship for 1 year with agreat guy who loves me and my kids lots of man are attracted to momma with kids.he loves kids but never really had the desire to have babies of his own but to assist me in my role as a mom he loves it go for it girl you got this
From my own personal experience, do nothing. Sounds silly but it was the best thing for me. I’ve been with my now husband almost 4 years. Hes the exact opposite of every “man” I’ve ever been with and he treats me like a queen.
A real man wont care about what was before. He will take you and your boys as if yall are already his. Mr. Right is out there. Sometimes he just takes his good time getting to you. Start slow, make friends. Get out, do something. Even parks have potential. Just enjoy life and what it has to offer will show itself
Find a single dad lol! And try online dating.
Start with dating apps! good luck !
On line dating is big these days. There are single clubs or even church
Parents without partners google
Go to church goin a single group there
Be kind, be true, know your worth, never settle for anyone. Dont stop til you find the perfect match, you’ll know because y’all will click almost instantly