Last night I accently bumped my boyfriend’s computer screen and he yelled bro I was like wow you don’t have to yell at me and then he said I didn’t yell at you but if you want me to yell at you I can yell at you. Is this verbal abuse or a threat I’m having a hard time dealing with him speaking to me like that.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I don't like how my boyfriend talked to me: Advice?
Leaving red flag
Relax ma’am. Sometimes it is just an innocent reaction to say YO BRO, when someone’s roughly bumps something…
Did he just yell “bro”? Because a little outburst like that is not concerning
I’d probably yell bro too if you about knocked my laptop over. he probably didn’t even think it just came out. Unless he ongoingly yells at you I don’t think he meant anything by it
This is how my dv started
You will never need to question abuse…you will know
Sounds a joke that you took seriously…
Sounds like a slight overreaction on his part and an additional overreaction on yours.
I wish my boyfriend yelled at me like that.
Ha. Wouldn’t fly with me. I yell back!
I feel like you’re being dramatic and may just be looking for a reason to yell abuse
Nope I would leave before it goes any further.
Umm learn what verbal abuse is first but your boyfriend did nothing wrong at all
I’m guessing you’ve never been scared something expensive of yours was going to get broken and kinda yelled at the person to get their attention about being careless?
the shouting is how the abuse started for me. it got more frequent, over small things, he treated me like i was a child who had to do as he says, if i made a mistake or messed up, like you with the bumping… he would then scream at me. i won’t ever stand for someone shouting at me like that again, and neither should anybody else. does he then tell you that it’s your fault he shouted? like he cannot control his reactions, but then turns it on you and blames you for how he reacted? my ex did that, “it’s your fault i hit you” “it’s your fault i shouted at you” no, the fault is theirs, they control their reactions, not you.
Sounds like you should be more careful.
If you have a problem with how he reacts or talks to you, you need to talk to him. Tell him it bothers you and explain why. Or set that boundary that you will not tolerate being spoken to in that way, upset or not. If he cannot change that behavior or adjust, or pause and think before he speaks to you then walk away. My boyfriend has never even raised his voice while around me let alone at me, because I talked to him about triggers and that I won’t tolerate someone yelling or raising their voice at me. It can be a sublet sign for potential abuse in the future but not a concrete evidences
His reaction is less concerning than the follow-up. The follow-up part, Id question.
Don’t let him become a husband…
Idk the yelling bro isn’t really a red flag but him saying “if you want me to yell at you I can” gives me bad vibes . It’s something that was said to me in both of my abusive relationships I was in, they turned physical very fast. I’d be careful. You don’t have to like how he talked to you!!! Don’t let anyone tell you any different .
Yes it is, those exact words sound all too familiar for me.
I can’t really give an opinion. The reason why is because we have no idea what your dynamics are in your relationships. Was this a first time situation? Does he “yell” at you all the time? Was there more said than just “bro” I mean I would have yelled “broooo” right back at him. But again, we don’t know what your relationship is like and this post is extremely vague. SO I can tell you right now this isn’t verbal abuse or a threat… Coming from someone who has been in a verbal abusive relationship that situation is not one.
That’s the first red flag for an abusive relationship. Get. Out.
Okay as a woman who literally left a man like that…. Yeah that’s how the abuse started then it ended with my ass handed to me 4 years later
But he called u bro?
I think maybe your over thinking it is all I don’t think that’s that bad just my opinion tho. but I do hate being called a bro lol
Not a single woman on this post has a right to tell you what is abuse to YOU mentally. The if you want me to yell and you I can huge red flag!!! I’m telling you that right there even if just a threat is one of the ways both my abusers started
Get rid of him, it’ll only get worse
I’d say his first response was fairly normal. You bumped an expensive piece of equipment that can easily be damaged, if all he said was “bro” I definitely wouldn’t consider that yelling.
Straight up… Fuck him off.
I hope he RUNS far away from you because it looks like you are looking for any reason to cry abuse. No, him saying “bro!” Isn’t verbal abuse.
My husband custom built his computer and set-up. If I bumped into the tower or one of the screens I’d probably get a “bro” too. I wouldn’t take it to heart though because it’s like $3-4k plus for the whole setup.
If it’s a problem for you then you need to say something about it. No matter what anyone thinks … you’re the one that has to live with him. If he doesn’t respect it then choose what u wanna do. They only learn how to treat you from what you allow
If you felt disrespected or upset by it then it’s unacceptable.
When he followed up with “if you want me to yell at you I can yell at you you” instant red flag. What my ex used to say to me.
That’s not verbal abuse. It was his response to your over reaction to his fairly normal “bro” response to almost knocking over his expensive technology. Don’t gaslight him into believing he’s wrong here. Apologize and move on and be a little more careful around the screen. You have a right to feel however you want to feel about it though. I don’t like confeontation either and my husband recently apologized for getting as mad as he did for me spilling some soda in the car I cleaned up.
If it bothered you so much why are you here asking, go communicate with your bf to settle the issue.
Nip it in the but quick . Especially if this isn’t the only time he’s done it.
If you don’t like how he said it, then that’s your feelings. Getting advice on how you should or shouldn’t feel is not gonna make you happy. If you don’t like how he treated you then tell him straight up and don’t tolerate it
Lmmfao damn girl u a softy
I would’ve told him to shut the f*** up. Rude! He wants to talk shit to you, talk it back. If he doesn’t like tough!!
It was a mistake on your part so the first yell probably isn’t anything to worry about but threatening to yell at you when you drew a clear boundary is a red flag for sure. I yell naturally even when I’m not angry and it’s still my responsibility to know when I need to lower my voice or calm myself before I get carried away. He needs to get checked
His response was perfectly reasonable. That’s not a cheap accident.
When he said he could yell at you to show you that he hadn’t yelled at you, that was a childish defense mechanism. Hard to say it’s some kind of pre cursor to abuse. Some people are more animated in their feelings. (Not excusing, just stating). So, the fact that he said that, shows that he’s immature and doesn’t like being called out. My husband is like that, and he’s not abusive in any way. He’s actually sensitive (he gets butt hurt if you call him out.) Anyway, you told him you don’t like it. It doesn’t matter if it met his criteria for yelling, it was too much for you. Stand your ground and whether or not he admits anything, hopefully you’ll see that it won’t keep happening. You did the right thing. Don’t let those little things go, if they bother you. But don’t expect many apologies. You made him feel bad and that’s how he reacted. His future behavior will be your indicator of whether he meets your standards or not. It’s better than an immediate apology; nobody is perfect. Good luck
Get out while you can, this is coming from a 08/16/1999 domestic violence survivor; I still don’t go outside on 08/16
If you don’t like how he talks to you then leave
Take into account how much those things cost.
I’m sure if he accidentally bumped something of yours that could easily break you would have something to say about it too.
Lmfao girl leave domestic violence starting
Omg y’all both sound like drama queens.
His last statement was a red flag though. But asking us isn’t going to fix it. Y’all need to sit and talk like adults and calmly.
If I bumped my husbands very expensive screen he’d say something to me too and he may raise his voice but it would be out of “worry” not abuse. And to that I would 100% understand. So for the “Bro” portion, I say no that’s not abuse to me. Raising your voice when frustrated is a natural thing that everyone has done at some point.
Now for the 2nd comment… it would be a red flag if he abusively yells all the time without merit. But if he doesn’t and it was just words at a frustrated moment I would chalk it up with “I’m sorry I accidentally bumped your screen and I will try very hard not to, but next time I would appreciate it if you lowered your voice and do not threaten me again.”
I would have automatically said “I’m so sorry it was an accident!” My husband works VERY hard and needs his computer for work. What if it was your $200 straightener and he stepped on it? You’d probably get frustrated and raise your voice too.
All these women saying “run” must have some for a man. Frankly, calling it abuse is a slap in the face to those of us who have ACTUALLY been Verbally abused. Men have feelings just like we do and they’re allowed to get mad without it being abuse
OK but did he actually yell at you?? My kids and husband call me bro all the time
I think ur taking that a little to far to call that verbal abuse. U must not know the new language ppl talk today lol. My kids say bro to each other it’s just way guys talk. Computers ain’t cheap.
Calling you bro for a start is a bit like what the hell
and she never once said it was abuse btw, she was asking… ya’ll condemning her cause she asked a question. so many people don’t even realise they’re in an abusive relationship. for me, it took years to see it.
Brawawahaha… verbal abuse, really???
This is the kind of BS that makes it difficult for the victims of real verbal abuse.
He yelled out “Bro?” In surprise to his computer getting bumped.
And she, instead of apologizing for the bumping into the computer, flips the switch, gaslighting him by accusing him of “yelling” AT her.
It doesn’t sound like he yelled “at” her but it was a surprised utterance.
The real “red flag” here is her reaction to a surprised utterance from a supposed loved one.
If he is smart he will run away and not look back.
For him. He should run away fast from this toxic person before he gets accused of behavior from which he can never come back.
Anyone man or woman who has a fit about a item being damaged by ACCIDENT needs to grow up.
The day my man yells at me or even threatens to yell at me is the day he finds out I don’t play that shit lol
For one thing I wouldn’t let him call me BRO. If you live with him get out. If you don’t forget him.
You’re going to need some thicker skin if you plan on withstanding an actual relationship some day.
You bumped his computer and he snapped at you. It’s not verbal abuse or a threat and I totally agree with the comment above mine- this behavior is what makes it difficult for real victims of verbal abuse to be taken seriously
Verbal abuse? No. That’s not verbal abuse. Calling you a cum gurgling gutter slut is verbal abuse. But, then again, maybe I’m jaded and we simply have different definitions for verbal abuse.
Keyword- boyfriend. That’s a narcissistic response from him. Girl say bye and move on to the next. The point is that you didn’t like it and it made you feel uncomfortable. Move on while you can.
Grow up this can’t be real. This poster must be 14
So many drama queens here if you feel that this is abuse then just leave.
Definitely a warning sign…
He threatened to yell at you like you were a child. Naw, he shouldn’t have done that. But if this is the first of the issues you should just tell him.
I’m not a child, do not threaten to yell at me.
Is this the first time?
Seems like on every post everyone’s response is always “leave” to the smallest crap. This is definitely not verbal abuse.
Develop some emotional independence before you try dating the next one
You need to listen to your own heart when it comes to the issues with your boyfriend.
Sounds like he was trying get your attention so you didn’t do worse. Who has never done that? It’s like yelling hey to grab someone’s attention.
I think you’re seriously overreacting.
I would have reacted the same way if someone bumped my computer. One, it’s expensive to fix or replace. Two, I have important stuff on there. If he had something he was working on (that might not have been backed up), he could have lost all his work. His other comments seem like a bit of an over reaction, but maybe because you didn’t seem to take his concern seriously?
Its no big deal grow up yur not a baby geez
Pay attention next time
Omg are u 12!? But to answer Ur question…NO! It is NOT verbal abuse…or abuse in ANY form!
Let the poor guy go and go grow up before putting another man thru this utter bs!
Get rid of him. It will only get worse the longer ur with him
No it’s not abuse don’t act like child
"I’m sorry I bumped your computer, it was an accident. But if you ever call me bro again lol I’ll brake that shit in half… love you babe!! Gimme kiss " lol
Most of the people in these comments either didn’t read this post fully, or lack reading comprehension skills. She is not asking JUST about the “Bro” comment being shouted because obviously that one isn’t that big of a deal. I think she’s more so asking about the next comment he made, “You want me to yell at you, I can yell at you”. I think she’s just trying to give all the details of the situation that happened to help people better answer her question. Which yes, that is toxic and could lead to worse problems in the future. I dealt with many instances like this in a past relationship and it only got worse. Most people in the comments are the ones who still have growing up to do, not this woman. She was literally just asking a question for her own peace of mind.
Did you ask him who the fuck he was talking to? Idk I guess I’m toxic. You need to put your foot down at some point before it gets worse… or just be honest and say hey so when you did this I didn’t like the way you talked to me. His response to that will show you everything you need to know
As reading all these comments, it may not be abuse or even a threat. What it is is not appropriate to talk to your partner like that. It was an accident, he could have said things a little different.
He said the first part out of emotions. The emotions come out. Didn’t really yell at you. I got this a lot from my ex. He said I’d yell and I wasn’t and I replied with the exact words. I didn’t yell at you but I can if you want me to to show what yelling is.
You bumped into an expensive item of his, he reacted on emotion. He was concerned you were going to break it. Apologize and just let the situation go. If it worsens and he does it without reason, worry.
You need to nip that in the bud asap… Let him know he’s not in charge of you
There are ways of saying things . Doesn’t have to
Yell at anyone
All he said was bro? Where was the computer screen and how did you bump into it? Like did you almost make it fall or did something happen to it? It’s not like he grabbed you or really threatened you. Honestly you bumped into his monitor accident or not you should at least apologize
You teach people how to treat you by the amount of bullshit you put up with! Always know your worth and demand respect!
He sounds like a childish ass who just needs a reminder of the respect you deserve! Accidents happen and if his computer screen is more important than you let him sit alone with it for a few days! He will either realize his mistake or you will realize you made mistake by dating him in the first place!
I mean screens are not cheap to replace. I’m sure he did yell as an impulse natural reaction. You then brought up the screaming thing.
Jesus… he reacted. You need to do some serious inside work
Leave it gets worse.
That was both.
He gaslit you after yelling and threatened you.
A threat that he can and will treat you/speak to you much worse if he feels you deserve it, or provoked him.
Your bump was an accident, I could have even let his initial yell slide because often when accidents happen it’s just a quick first reaction…
It’s the aggressive gas lighting and threat for me.
Unless I read that wrong and all he yelled was, “bro”. In that case, I wouldn’t have been upset because that’s just a reaction to the initial shock…
The threat still bothers me. That’s still a red flag.
You got mad bc he said bro?
Seems like toxic guy. Had a husband that used them very same lines. “I didn’t yell at you but if you want me to yell at you I can yell at you”. That went on to him breaking things years later and a divorce shortly after that. I should never stayed. If splitting up not something you want to do maybe suggest couples therapy so he hears what his behavior is doing from a professional.
There are people who have severe cases of verbal abuse. That doesn’t invalidate that this is verbal abuse. Having experience as an advocate for survivors of dv, i can say something many people do that’s harmful is invalidate someone who is hurt by a partners actions. You didn’t deserve this reaction over an accident. There shouldn’t be any excuses for hurtful behavior. I’m sorry you’ve experienced that. It’s brave of you to seek answers but it’s best to do it with professionals. There are people out there who specialize in helping in these situations that are more than willing to talk you through the dynamics of this sort of behavior and some steps you can take that would help. I hope you feel better and that he realizes the way he made you feel.
My boyfriend is naturally just loud and blunt, not abusive.
I think he got defensive when you bumped the screen and then you got defensive in return, but no I wouldn’t say the “Bro!” was him yelling at you just a different way of getting you to pay attention. As for his follow up comment, no I don’t see that as abusive, but better communication should probably be discussed.
You wanna cry? I’ll give you something to cry about. Same logic. It’s abusive language.
I think… you’re a narcissist.