I don't like how my boyfriend talked to me: Advice?

Sounds like you are both young, but your best bet is to speak up and tell him you do not deserve to be spoken to like that and set boundaries, if he can’t accept them or refuses to try you don’t need to be together

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Talk to him. Have you not done that to him.

This gives the same feelings of “I’ll give you something to cry about”

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Accidents happen but if no dick wants to get mouthy tell him to change his tampon.

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He reacted because lap tops are expensive. That’s not yelling technically, sounds like you came from a bad relationship before. We tend to find tiggers where there isn’t any. I stayed single for long time and did therapy.

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Sounds like abuse and threats made can turn physical in a heartbeat. Get out while you van

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Threatening to show you what yelling looks like is pretty fucked up I’d say that’s a red flag. Trust me I’d know.

Tell him you will not be yelled at its disrepectful and hurtfull. If he does it again leave

Lmmfao this isn’t serious, is it? You are over sensitive

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If this is the only thing that’s happened and you’ve been together a while, it was likely just a sudden reaction to you bumping his computer. Now, him saying he’d yell if you want him to was an AH thing to say. A lot of people react defensively when told they did something that they don’t think they did. I’m not making excuses. But this also isn’t abuse. Unless there are any other incidents, there is no reason to believe this will lead to abuse. His emotions were high. He got scared his computer was about to break and people react when they’re scared.

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I think abusive would be calling names worst than bro :unamused: if I heard that I would probably laugh.

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Yea so something I made a rule in my relationship, don’t raise your voice to me period. Your not a child so you know how to communicate, I know how to communicate, it’s never appropriate and it’s not tolerated. 16 years later he still honors my wishes. Tell him your expectations and if he can’t respect them then leave but I wouldn’t tolerate that.

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Man stfu … this sounds like you shouldn’t have bumped his shit

Is this a serious question?

Sounds like he reacted. Did you hit him while he was playing a game? Sounds like he wasn’t thinking at first response. Then he was just annoyed by your response.

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He sounds like a dick, don’t let him get away with it, then it may become a problem :shushing_face:

It’s patronising and manipulative. If he had an uncalled for tone and then wants to make you feel worse for speaking up, then he’s being a jerk. Ask him later if he was having a bad day and give him the opportunity to apologise. His reaction will give you your answer.

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Just my opinion saying this is narcissistic or abusive is reaching. He’s allowed to react. Yes he could’ve done better but we all fall short and mishandle things at times.
Maybe once both have cooled down you can ask him to in the future try not to raise his voice and just communicate better.

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Not verbal abuse. He was just saying it may have been loud but was not yelling. There is a difference.

Someone could say “hi” and y’all will yell that it’s abuse. Jesus. :joy:

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If you seriously think that’s verbal abuse you clearly don’t know what abuse is :joy: Wow

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Don’t make a problem outta nothin

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If my partner yelled bro at me I’d laugth in his face :rofl:

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If this is an issue, I highly don’t recommend marriage…

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He was reacting to something you did … that’s not abusive . He didn’t demean you or scream at you . Unless he is constantly yelling or talking down to you, one statement like that isn’t a red flag for me

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:joy::joy: lady you sound like a :clown_face:

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She’s asking if him saying “if you want me to yell at you I will” is verbal abuse.
I wouldn’t say it’s abuse but it is disrespectful & I would have a major problem w that.

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What happens when you get angry or react to something that upsets you? Doesn’t everyone have a right to get angry or upset sometimes? It sounds like a normal, non abusive, reaction… probably an overreaction but I don’t see it abusive. If you didn’t like his tone then when you’re both calm bring it up and tell him you found it disrespectful. Just be sure when you do you haven’t been guilty of the same before.

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Wow some of y’all —whew! How many of our parents said those exact words to us… :raising_hand_woman:

He is repeating something 90% of us have heard in our lifetime and probably that same amount have repeated. It’s exactly what I would have said if you accused me of yelling at you when I clearly wasn’t lol saying loudly Yo Bro to someone who carelessly bumped into a computer isn’t abuse. Regurgitating an age old adage when accused of yelling— isn’t abuse. Some of y’all should really stretch before all this reaching lol

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The bro thing is not what she is upset about I’m pretty sure it’s him saying “if u want me to yell at u I can yell at u” that she’s having a hard time with

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Depends on his tone…was it threatening…the words certainly seem so!!!

:woman_shrugging: if you think this is verbal abuse then leave. To me it’s laughable because I’ve had way worse said and done to me. Only you know what you can deal with.

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Nothing but yelling in my house- swear my husband is def lol

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Anyone else say things like this to there parents or kids… “ I didn’t yell but I will if you want me to” unless you have other examples I think he was taking the piss

Wow if this is the worst thing he’s ever said to you consider yourself lucky.

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I mean I’ve said it. I would say it. My parents have said it. It’s a reaction. I think you’re being sensitive.

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That’s a red flag break up with him.

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Ok I totally get maybe he originally yelled as an accident. Human reaction. I’ve done it myself along with my husband but the response after is a huge no. Me and my husband both have apologized to one another after like my bad totally just reacted in the moment. Not made snarky comments in return. All he had to do was apologize if it was just a outburst which humans we entitled to it but also good to admit it afterwards if you have.

I think that you are overreacting…

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My Grandma use to say dont make a mountain out of a molehill. You have to decide for yourself if its something you can handle.

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Take it now and it will get much worse. You treat people how to treat you. DO NOT ALLOW IT. Period

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He was probably in a heated match and when u bumped it u made screen glitch I’d be mad too… lmao if your this sensitive still your too young for a relationship or you just need to loosen up a bit. Lol

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I’ve had worse said to me. I say bro or bruh out of reaction which he probably did the same. Don’t worry about it, also men have louder, deeper voices so sometimes we mistake their loud talking for yelling. I especially do with my man lmao trust me when a man yells at you, you’ll have chills run up your spine (at least I do)

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It seems childish on both ends. Something of course he’s going to do when someone bumps into his shit, but in all reality he could’ve been nicer about it. It’s not “abuse” but it’s not necessarily normal either. And the fact that people are trying to justify someone getting so snippy with you real quick. And as someone who’s had the shit beat out of me, The fact he said he could “yell at you if you wanted him to” is a little bit of a red flag there too. Which I don’t see why people are saying that’s normal? Lmao

Yeah, we’re all allowed to get pissy when people accidentally do something. But the fact of the matter is, he didn’t have to go about it the way he did. You should apologize for bumping into his screen, and then tell him it really upset you the way he snapped. He should apologize as well. Once again, we have no idea the tone or voice that was used from it. I’ve been in situations and for all we know, he could’ve been using a super scary tone with you, or not. Hopefully you both can communicate a little more nicely with each other

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Stand up for yourself and tell him if he wants to live somewhere else and talk to someone like that, he can. :joy:

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Is this what normal non traumatized people feel is abuse o.o it was rude but

So tell him that. His response will help guide your next move.

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How is saying bro yelling at you? I am not trying to minimize what happened but to me that doesn’t like yelling. As a gamer I’d say watch it if my equipment was bumped but it wouldn’t be trying to be mean, that shit is expensive though and if in a game it can cause it to glitch or freeze.

Most people are going to be flustered if something expensive unnecessarily either breaks or nearly breaks due to carelessness.

Without tone we dunno if you were being sensitive or he was being an ass.

He could’ve been absolutely correct and you are being sensitive, or he could’ve been overly hostile.

It’s not what you say it’s how you say it. Only you can decide, you might be wrong or right.

How old are you? This sounds like a teenage reaction :rofl: if you bumped my computer I would react the same way

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You both sound young. If you don’t like how he spoke to you, tell him you don’t appreciate him talking to you like that. Some people naturally speak louder based purely on reaction. I don’t think it’s abuse, I don’t think it was a threat I think you were shocked that you of all people could actually be reprimanded for not paying attention. You have 2 options, talk to your boyfriend about it and if you don’t like his reaction then your other option is to leave.

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I would have yelled if you werent watching wtf you were doing too.

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You are not his child and if he when he said this that would have been my reply…We gonna be two yelling folks Sis!!!

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Verbal abuse? Watch where the fuck you are going!!

If his computer is so important that it cant be accidentally bumped without him reacting like a child I’d tell him to move it. Set up a little corner for him and his precious screen…preferable in a different house.

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And you should have repeated to him what he said to you… Play crazy too​:face_with_spiral_eyes::face_with_spiral_eyes::face_with_spiral_eyes:

Grow up, since we only have your side,and don’t really know if he yelled, or if your just a drama queen…

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That’s not a red flag to me He obviously speaks before he thinks. However, you should of already told him that you don’t like it. As soon as it happened. Communicate clearly and hopefully he follows. He obviously fails to communicate effectively as well

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Ya’ll need to both mature.

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Run. It just gets worse

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ONCE… if forgivable. Sit down with him, calmly, tell him that this is NOT acceptable. Tell him that it will NOT happen again. Talk about how & why the yelling happened… and how to avoid it in the future. Counseling could help if there are anger issues that you are concerned about. Then… you let it go.

Bro calm down. So he yelled bro and you say it’s verbal abuse :person_facepalming:lawd

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As a therapist who works with domestic violence - that IS ABSOLUTELY a red flag and a threat. Be careful… society often downplays abusive behaviors and I’m hearing A LOT of excuses for his behavior on this thread. If this is an isolated behavior pay close attention BUT I would venture to say if you honestly think about it there are probably a few. Remember it starts out small and gets worse over time. :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:

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He will treat the way you allow him to put a stop to it or walk

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So yes and no.
I’ve yelled because mr husband ate the last donut lol. Only part that triggers my childhood trauma is the “if you want it then I’ll give it to you” style statement. Ugh, super gross. As long as you know where your boundaries are and what you’re willing to deal with then you can work it out but that one is a red flag.

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Yeah I’d do the very same thing if my girlfriend did that and it’s just instinct (I have a 500 dollar monitor shits not cheap at all) so I take it very serious when it comes to it, he was also more than likely mid game raging too so like just get over it lol

I mean… if I bump into my husband’s computer he will yell out “babe!” Out of reaction. Those things are expensive. I do the same to my husband or kids when they bump into my playstation. It’s reaction cause I don’t want them to get broken. Like that you took way too much offense over. Now how he said that he could yell out you if you thought that was yelling is odd and something that should be discussed when both are calm. Y’all need to communicate. He most likely meant nothing by it and you took it too sensitively. I don’t see any abuse of any form.

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The yelling “bro” thing isn’t concerning at all. The “ I’ll yell at you if you want me to yell at you” is a red flag. I get the vibe that you guys are both probably toxic with eachtoher.

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Red flag… sounds like a jerk to me

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if he just said bro o would have dropped it but saying if you want me to yell at you i can yell at you i would leave. if you claim he hit you is he gonna start saying let me show you what i mean to be hit. it’s just the beginning

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maybe you should watch where you’re going

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I can’t even visualize my husband speaking to me like that. Anyone I’ve ever known to lose it and say something dumb like that has never lasted long in my life. Red flag.

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I mean instead of saying “my bad” you immediately flipped it on him? You gaslit him and got gaslit back

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lol computer screens are expensive. especially if its a gaming one. id yell at u too. watch where u going next time. :upside_down_face:

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Lol how old are you?

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Ummmm. What did I just read?!?! :rofl::rofl::rofl:

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For everyone who said it’s abuse it’s not he was just reacting to something she did he didn’t yell at her all he said bro probably annoyed with her she didn’t even say she was sorry for bumping it so she’s overreacting and completely at fault

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Maybe you should quit being a baby and thinking everything is abuse. If you want to break up with him, break up with him…Don’t try and find an excuse. I’ve said that to my kids, friends, family…I never beat any of them afterwards. If this is the most he has ever done, feel lucky. Being called a bitch is a favorite by husbands/boyfriends and that’s abusive.

Move on…just the start of abuse!!

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You bumped into his computer, he yelled, and now you wanna say abuse? :face_with_raised_eyebrow:
I’ve been married 14yrs. In those years my husband has legit yelled at me 3x. Guess what, 2 of those I earned.
Sounds like you’re upset with his reaction to something you did. Now, be honest, when you got defensive bc he yelled “Bro”, was he being a smart azz or intimidating bc there 100% is a difference. If he was standing in your space, goaring at you in a hateful way, that’s a red flag. If he was rolling his eyes and sounded bored, that’s not.
Personally, if you can’t tell the difference, learn too.

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If this is the only incident then no. It’s ok for people to get frustrated. You work it out and move on. It was a knee jerk reaction it sounds like.

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Verbal abuse? That’s a bit exaggerated. I’d say rude. He probably said it out of reaction.

Have you ever yelled? It seems it something valuable u startled him . I don’t think it is belive me when I say I have been there that is not verbal abuse

It doesn’t matter about that time. You said you are having s hard time with him speaking to you like that as if it’s been more than the one time. You DONT ever allow yourself to get used to someone doing something negative to you. If you have to confirm to negativity he’s not the one. Move on.

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I’d be like, “it’s just a computer, get over yourself”

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My husband says that to me too like hes stating he’s not yelling but he can show u yelling if u wanna hear it… then again my husband dont yell at me he tells me if I wanna argue argue with myself in the mirror🤣

It’s only the beginning if you stay with him.

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Has he showed signs of abuse b4. Sounds like he yelled at you but not in a bad way. Honey grow up. I was married for 26 years. There will be t yelling no relationship is perfect. If you can’t deal now you need to leave and never be in a relationship

Huge red flag! If you stay with him after this it can get worse and turn into verbal abuse.

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I’m sassy AF, I’ll dish attitude right back. But our whole relationship is sass. Soooo him saying bro or anything else he knows I stand my ground and we are happy. Lol

Just the beginning, RUN.

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Lol it’s not abuse :rofl::joy::rofl::joy: he was just saying he can show u what yelling looks like. Saying bro or ahh other word in that moment is a normal reaction anyone has.

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Red flag!! Why stay with him??

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I tell my hubs that all the time :joy: bro if you think Im yelling, just wait

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Don’t have kids! They will bro you to death! Tell him he was out of line so he knows your limits but I wouldn’t classify that as abuse unless continued in an aggressive manner

Your parents shouldn’t have let you start dating until you’re completely out of elementary school.

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