I would have a conversation with Dad but in the light of your daughter’s development. Don’t make it about the gf or you will just get his hackles up. Suggest it is good for self confidence to sleep in her own bed and her ability to work through things on her own…or whatever you need to say to keep the peace
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I feel that if it’s ok to co sleep at your place it shouldn’t be a problem. Also, i agree with others if you don’t want her co sleeping with dad then make some changes at your place as well.
I know it’s hard making these decisions but don’t let how you feel when it comes to your daughter unless it’s something that puts her in danger or is hurting her.
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I think if your going to introduce a bed you should do it in both homes so she’s not confused
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If she has always co-slept where is she going to sleep when she is with them? Im taking she wont sleep in her own bed?
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It is completely a different set up with ex hub sleeping with the new girlfriend and your daughter between them.He most probably lets your daughter feel that she is still part of him and therefore she co sleeps by Daddy.But maybe it’s time to introduce your daughter to her own bedroom with all her pretty toys,clothes and maybe a plush toydoggie she can cuddle whilst sleeping on her own.Teach her to be independant.Read her a good night story and kiss her goodnight.Leave a little night light on for her.She will eventually gain her independance and not want to sleep by Daddy anymore.
Let Dad also have a sleeping arrangement for her when she visits
In that way you eliminate eruptions that could become huge mountains but only have been a mole hill.
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I totally understand! We got a big kid bed when my new partner started staying the night but my son was not having it.
not a battle I want to pick as a single parent so we make it work
try to give your child’s father the same grace you would ask for 
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Why are there so many immature and toxic parents? Would you rather your child be around a woman who doesn’t love your child? An evil step mom type? God. Get over yourself. 
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This isn’t about cosleeping, it’s about you.
Put your child first. Stop making it about you.
If you are comfy with her cosleeping, then be ok with her cosleeping.
Work on you and your jealousy.
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If she co-sleeps with you then she should be able to co-sleep with them. Is your concern about your daughter or about the gf?
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This is about you. You co- sleep with her. He co-sleeps with her. BUT…he added his girlfriend. And you’re not liking it. Is this really that bad that you want to up set your daughter’s sleep? Think hard before you speak to him about it.
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I wouldn’t want someone I did not fully know sleeping in bed with my child whether it’s the father’s girlfriend or if I had a new boyfriend, so you may need to start getting her used to sleeping on her own.
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Both our your child not just yours
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I agree with some of the other posters this isn’t a co-sleeping issue it’s a jealousy issue you seriously need to get over yourself he has moved on so should you
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Thing is if this was the other way around and this was a new male in her life that she was co-sleeping with that her mom has just got with you would all be up in arms about allowing a stranger to co-sleep with her & her daughter but it’s perfectly okay for another woman to do it because we should be thankful for another woman to want to step in our shoes and play mommy to our children in this day and age you can’t trust anyone regardless of gender…
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get over it and stop being petty
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So it’s okay for you but not him? Hmm
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You can’t expect the kid to co sleep with you but not her dad. The poor could won’t know if she’s coming or going
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I wouldn’t like a stranger sleeping next to my child at night!
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Oh… your one of THOSE mothers! God help your child, that’s blatant jealousy and your just being petty
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If you expect that at his place you need to enforce it at your place. At some point she’ll need to get used to sleeping in her own space eventually anyways. But if you’re going to co-sleep at home, you can’t expect your daughter to sleep alone anywhere else.
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You choose to cosleep, you made that environment acceptable it’s out of your hands IMO
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Yeah. You’re being absurd. You want your kid to cosleep? You don’t get to kick the girlfriend out of the bed. Pick one. Either she cosleeps with all of you or she doesn’t at all.
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Honestly unless you’re going to give her “her own space to sleep” when she’s with you too, all you’re going to do is confuse your child. She’s always co slept, then why change that just because she goes with her father? In reality though, sure you can ask him about it, but he definitely doesn’t have to comply. What works for you when it comes to sleeping, most likely works for him too because again, she’s always co slept. Why would he want to put up that kind of fight with your daughter, causing her anxiety and stress by trying to make her go from co sleeping to sleeping alone (only with him) just to comfort you and your feelings because “you just don’t like it”. Definitely not trying to be ugly in saying that but yeah, it’s kind of selfish.
Is it jealousy or is it being wary of letting someone you don’t know sleep next to your child?
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If you don’t like that then may you should stop as well. You can’t say they can’t co sleep with her when you do the exact same thing. Stop being petty. If he’s a good father then there’s no problem at all, you’re just trying to create one.
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I’m sure the gf doesn’t like the co sleeping either who would but u created this mess of co sleeping where your child is used to it and now expect her to not when she is with dad ya good luck
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You’re jealous of your ex replacing you that’s what it’s abt. You started the co sleeping habit but now u don’t want her to co sleep with her dad cause of his new gf that’s pure jealousy.
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Well, its a double edged sword. Pick one.
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Wtf is wrong with you ppl? It’s not jealousy to not want your kid sleeping in bed with the dads gf. It’s totally inappropriate. I would never allow my child to sleep with his dad’s gfs or my bf for that matter. I can’t believe how many ppl think this is ok and are actually calling this mom jealous when she’s being perfectly reasonable. I feel bad for those of yall who are just ok with their kids sleeping in bed with any and everyone🤦🏼♀️
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I’m a mother and step mom & I went through this , I didn’t get it at first because all I wanted was to show love to a kid, if they wanted to sleep with me I wouldn’t turn them away .
If it makes you that uncomfortable you could explain that .
But don’t you want her to love your daughter , show her unconditional love . Even if the child isn’t hers . I don’t think a lot of moms even consider that aspect. It’s all about the kiddo.
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I can’t believe how many of y’all are so stupid…jealous, don’t want kid co sleeping with dad, petty…y’all just don’t have common sense or intelligence at all, I see.
Take the co-sleeping aspect out. Read this as a mom who’s asking about her daughter sleeping in the same bed as her ex’s new gf…and maybe that’ll help y’all, since you can’t comprehend on your own 
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I wouldn’t want that either especially if he’s switching girlfriends every time you turn around. (Not saying he is but…) It’s extremely inappropriate. You have every right not to want your child sleeping next to his gf. In my court ordered custody arrangement bf/gf weren’t even allowed to stay the night. The kids come first.
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Not over my dead body would that be happening,
She could be a nonce
Nope!!! Only people who should be sleeping with the child is mom and dad period!!! Nope nope nope!!!
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Im curious as to the age of the child. Its one thing to allow your 2 year old to crawl into bed with you but its a different thing if your child is 12. Im assuming mom knows about the sleeping arrangements because her child told her so …
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I think it’s funny how op asked for opinions… and is getting angry at the responses… don’t ask if you don’t want brutal honesty…
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Sounds like the kiddo needs to transition to their own bed.
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You have no control. He will probably do it regardless. I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t like it either
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Sound like jealousy to me
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If you aren’t willing to stop it how do u expect them to stop it when that’s what works?
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Is she supposed to stay up crying and not sleep on these trips?
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I personally felt opposite way. I co slept with both my kids and it use to stress me out that they would force her to sleep alone and she would come home miserable and tired cause she was scared alone and didn’t sleep a wink
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- You say your daughter probably wouldn’t get down with it because she is used to come sleeping . So she would probably crawl back in bed with them anyway . And then should he say no you can’t Bc your mom said so? 2. How do you know this is happening , do you question your daughter when she comes home from her dad every time ? Or did you ask him . 3. You say this is just on trips , never mentioned this is happening in his home , so it can’t be that often , or maybe a night or 2. 4. You can request it , I’m not sure how you can enforce it . You aren’t going to be able to control everything that’s happening at his house . Yes I’m sure this is all new to you , and I’m not saying you aren’t right to have all these feelings .
You can absolutely set that boundary that a new gf doesnt need to co sleep your baby and ignore anyone who says otherwise. Protect your babies.
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There is some missing Info. 1st how old is the child and how long have dad the GF been together. I’m a mom and a step mom. Honestly if mom co-sleeps it would be hard for dad not to and get any sleep. Js That child isn’t going to want to sleep alone if mom has her used to co sleeping.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I don't like when my child co sleeps with her dad and his girlfriend: Advice?
Your kid wont understand the nuances of their dad having a girlfriend and why that bothers you 
they’ll feel punished if made to do otherwise.
Just let them enjoy their innocence, they’ll grow out of it soon.
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Whenever I first met my husband, when his son would stay he would co-sleep with him.
I always respected that and I would sleep in the spare room, and they would co sleep together.
It was a bit of, yeah I didn’t feel comfortable and also respect for his mother too as if it was me with my child I would have liked the same done as well.
But that’s just my situation! Hope you get sorted x
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My double-standard sense is tingling!
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If you want them to stop co-sleeping with her then stop doing it yourself. They are just doing what makes her comfortable. I’m sure they’d love a bed to themselves too but you can’t expect it to be easy for them if you don’t do it also. Team work in Co parenting
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I’m all for separated parents as I am and my son always goes to his dads but I wouldn’t allow my child to sleep in bed with his dad and girlfriend just like I wouldn’t allow him to sleep with me and my partner it’s not his dad and she isnt his mam…each to there own though but I have a brilliant relationship with my sons dad but we no our boundaries so maybe have a talk with him instead see if yous can Co parent instead of arguing and come to an understanding but to me it sounds like the girlfriend is nice and will be good for your child so try not to sound harsh about the girlfriend and explain its your concern for your child and your not comfortable with it xxx
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I would defiantly stop the co sleeping and get that child in her own room, especially at her dad’s with his gf
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Yeah you sound absurd definitely! My stepdaughter has her own room and stays in there but i don’t get your problem of her sleeping in the bed with them if she co sleeps in your house too? what a strange thing to moan about you sound very insecure and jealous!
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I just wouldn’t have my kid in with anyone but me . If I had a bloke it wouldn’t happen. Just find it weird personally . So don’t see why either of you would want them in with your boyfriend/girlfriend 
but maybe that’s just me
If Shes used to Co sleeping with you she may not settle on her own or sleep for longer when Co sleeping. I think best for her to do what she’s used to with you with her dad too
His girlfriend probably feels uncomfortable sleeping with a child that isn’t hers but puts up with it for the sake of your child and ex partner. Children done understand why not so your daughter is more comfortable sleeping with her dad than alone in a room, as you get her to sleep with you. Double standard and I think you just need to accept / get over it as no harm coming to daughter and she is happy too. Think about the girlfriend and how she feels - she will be sacrificing to allow a child to sleep with her that’s not even hers; I’d be pleased my partner was with someone so considerate about the child rather than someone who wasn’t nice to it!
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My ex has a new fiance and my 7 year old sleeps in bed with her dad and his fiance and she sleeps in bed with me I have no issue with it as I know that my exs fiance wants nothing but the best for my daughter theres nothing weird happening just comfort for my daughter and if she is happy so am I, to be honest it sounds like your jealous and only want what makes you happy speak to your child ask them what they like or wish to happen and roll from there if your child dosent like sleeping in the same bed then stop it if she does then get over it as its your issue not theirs (mean that in the nicest way possible) x
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Would you stop the Co sleeping if you get a partner that is the question you need to ask your self and if the answer is no then their is your answwr
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If you co-sleep with her why can’t her father co-sleep with her
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As a now fulltime step mum, your dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t, I remember my SK wanting to snuggle and watch movies and share a bed and I remember thier now absent bio mum being upset about it, despite she herself sharing a bed with random and one of my SK.
Take it from me, if your child isn’t uncomfortable, leave it alone, they are more than likely initiating it.
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Have you asked what your daughter wants? She will give you the answer. It’s not up to you or the dad it’s up to her.
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I think it is a bit weird that the partner would want to sleep in the bed with someone else’s child tbh 
if that was me I would sleep elsewhere when she is over when the child is more comfortable sleeping on her own room then I would be going back to the bedroom with partner
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You: She’s always co-slept and I have no plans on changing that style
Also you: But as long as it’s only with me and not her other parent.
Get a grip. You sound insecure, selfish and jealous as hell
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So if you were with another man in bed your daughter couldn’t co - sleep with you? Not being funny it works both ways
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You can’t expect your child to co-sleep with you and then not with her dad… girlfriend or not… you either stop co-sleeping altogether or just deal with it…
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I don’t get why everyone is calling you selfish and jealous, that’s crazy. I totally agree… I personally would stop the Co sleeping just for baby’s sake it’s good to get them sleeping alone… But that’s ur choice and I’d be of the same opinion, Co sleeping with dad is OK… But not someone else.
I would maybe base it off a few things, how long are they together, is she possibly step mam material or just a GF who will be gone in a few months… And is the child old enough to make a conscious decision to want to have this person in the bed with her. I
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You answered your own question with your “ Am I absurd” question. Yes, yes you are. Should probably stop thinking about what you want and start thinking about what is best for your daughter
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Are they only all sleeping together on trips? If so it’s probably a cost saving measure.
If she’s allowed to co-sleep with you, why can’t she co-sleep with dad?
I don’t think the name calling is needed guys. How many of us are separated and our biggest thing to get used to is someone else playing a parent to our child and having that bond. Of course it’s an amazing thing if your ex meets someone who loves your child too but it doesn’t make it any easier. Co-sleeping is special to her as her mam and was a thing they did as a family and now he is doing it with his new partner and her child. It’s lovely her child and the new girlfriend are comfortable doing that but it’s going to be hard for the mam to get used to. I’m newly separated and although I hope he meets someone who adores my child as much as I do, I’m scared as hell. Xxx
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You actually sound so selfish
My child can do this with me because she always has but not with her dad because I said so???
Really? Like my step daughter sometimes climbs into bed with us of a morning for a cuddle. If she is allowed with you unless she is in danger or being mistreated her father can do what he would like on his time with her.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I don't like when my child co sleeps with her dad and his girlfriend: Advice?
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Is this a steady, long term girlfriend? My concern would be, if, this was something happening with just anybody. But otherwise, his child, his time, his rules.
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Seems a bit petty, if she’s always co slept with you and dad there shouldn’t be an issue with her sleeping with dad and Gf
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I am a co-sleeper and also went through this same situation. And for a moment felt the same way. Your “concern” is based on insecurity. Co-sleeping creates its own magical bond and you don’t want to share that. Which is understandable. However, I can tell you, your child’s security is her father, not this woman. That bond has already been instilled. You and her dad will always be her safest place, remember that. Laying next to her is just laying next to a warm body. When she wakes in the middle of the night, she’ll move in closer to her dad, without even thinking. We are magnetized by spirit. Be mindful that your ex has a woman willing to cater to the heart of your daughter. I’ve had women try to push my kid out of the bed and into his own, at a young age. His father luckily gave them the boot. Approach this with more peace and gratitude, you all will feel better if you do
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If you have coslept with her and this is what she is used to wouldn’t it be less beneficial for her if they didn’t allow her to cosleep with them? IMO it’s wonderful that she is putting her first by having her in the bed If you’re really uncomfortable then I’d suggest start weaning her from cosleeping at your house then he may follow suit as it’s what the daughter is happy and comfortable with?
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Simple you don’t. You can feel however ways about it, but when she is with her father it’s his rules. Besides how can you not want him to do something you do?
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If you’re going to ask him not to co-sleep, you shouldn’t co-sleep either. Ultimately, if your child is healthy and happy and taken care of, be thankful. Not many parents have that luxury. I’ve coparented with my sons father for 3 years now and we have a great co-parenting relationship. But jealousy or any ill feelings will not get you there. You have to be open, honest, and with only the best interest of your child.
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Or stop being bitter it’s like telling you you can’t sleep with your child if you have a significant other.
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Well a judge would not allow that. Your ex could have his girlfriend around your child, but all you need to do is bring this up. She shouldn’t be spending the night when your child is there, unless they were married. I do not think your wrong In not liking it, it’s inappropriate. Girl friends & boy friends come and go. It’s not showing any sort of stability for your child and it’s in appropriate. Set the boundary now.
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Why are all of you acting like she has control over what her ex does with HIS child in HIS home on HIS time. You lost the right to boss that man around or tell him what to do when ya’ll split. Might be a hard pill to swallow but that is his child too and dad is allowed to make his own decisions and judgments on what goes on in his house.
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It’s fine… they are keeping her so happy and she is still feeling all the love. It’s totally ok…
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I would also be uncomfortable with it. Given how people are today … yeah. And then the same ones saying you are over stepping if something awful happened to her would be the same ones to say you knew and should have done something.
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i am a girlfriend of a father that has a daughter (well and a son too, and we’re married now with a son of our own 
) but… I was his gf… and his daughter used to snuk to sleep with us, still does… we’d snuggle, there’d be tickle attacks and kissing attacks and fun time, story time, and everything one does with a child… and you know what? she’s loved. and her mom thanked me for it. because her daughter is happy.
be unhappy if your daughter is unhappy with her dad and new partner and find solutions to remedy that, but if she is happy, just be grateful.
I didn’t cause the breakup, she did, she found someone else.
I just found love and kept it.
and as long as he is mine, his kids are mine too, well, I’d still love them even if we break, but I hope we never do, because I love him sincerely, he’s a good guy, a great dad… and I’m blessed for having him\them in my life.
be grateful.
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I understand the fears of feeling as if another women is trying to take a space in your daughters life as a mama. It could feel threatening to us mama bears. It’s valid to not like it. I do agree with the fact that it should be okay with her father to co-sleep with her. You may not like it but if he believes his daughter is safe and trusts this other women then it’s okay. You will always be mom to your daughter and no one can ever replace that, not even a little bit.
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I love how everyone is saying “it’s her dad”. SHE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT HER DAUGHTER SLEEPING IN HER DADS BED. She doesn’t like the new girlfriend sleeping in the same bed as her daughter. If it was the mom having her new boyfriend in bed, everyone would be loosing their minds. You’ll all sit here and say she’s being petty but she’s looking out for her daughters safety. I wouldn’t want someone new in my kids life sharing a bed either.
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If Co sleeping is all she has ever known, might be confusing and tramatic to try change it all of a sudden.
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I think it’s weird. If it was just her bio father ok, but the GF idea weirds me out.
I co- slept with my kids…granted their bio father and I are together I don’t think I could be seeing someone else and allow them to co sleep with my kids too.
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i feel like holding him hostage in his own home with rules you can’t possibly control is a headache you don’t need. I’d focus my energy on not having my child in anyone’s bed but her own, but I also have the great luck of knowing my husband is never gonna bring someone around I have to fear my daughter being in a bed with. If you can’t trust he’s not bed sharing with the scary lady next door, there a deeper rooted issue than just “her” in his bed….
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If you don’t want her co sleeping with her father, then you should stop co sleeping with her, too. Expectations should be as consistent as possible at both households to minimize confusion and difficulty with the transition for your daughter. And if you are unwilling to end co sleeping with your daughter, then do not ask her and her father to conform to your unbalanced request.
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If she already co sleeps and has been doing it for x amount of yrs. She does it with you. Then whats the difference? Because he’s got a new girl that isn’t you? So what is the child suppose to do? Sleep alone at her dads but sleep with you? Don’t worry about what happens at his house unless she’s in danger.
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It sounds more like you are jealous about being replaced and want a pissing match about whose the real mom. Get over yourself. If she has always had co sleeping why would it suddenly be a problem? Because it’s not you.
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She’s used to it I would imagine you would still want your daughter to be comfortable if you’re uncomfortable with it the most you can really do is ask the father to have her cosleep on the outside of him not in between them. You can’t exactly tell the other parent what to do during their time and so long as nothing dangerous is happening it’s not like everybody always has the luxury to comply with different beds and you yourself said that you don’t plan to stop this cosleeping so it would only be traumatic for your daughter to make her stop at that house…. I suggest asking him to make sure she sleeps on the outside of him and they are always appropriately dressed and be as respectful and kind in your request as you can that or all of you need to start working on breaking the cosleeping habit. What’s good for the goose is not always good for the gander.
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Have you met the new GF? Maybe you can try to get to know her so you can feel comfortable since bed sharing is all your child knows it wouldn’t be fair to change it.
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We coslept with my step daughter for the 1st year me and my husband were together. She had a lot changes come very quickly. 2 New houses new step mom, new step dad. Her comfort was priority. But she didn’t sleep right next to me. My husband would sleep in the middle and would hold her. I didn’t mind it and I know her mother didn’t either. I thought it was very sweet.
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That would likely be traumatic for her. Unless you feel that her father would put her in harms way or her safety is at risk then you may need to take a step back and identify the true source of your concern.
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It’s her dad. I can understand however if you do sleep she’s probably not going to sleep alone. Kinda the saying you made your bed now lay in it.
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In my opinion I don’t feel like what he’s doing with her on his time is your concern unless he’s harming her of course.
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She’s always co-slept so of course she’s going to there as well. There’s no reason that I see stated here as to why you would/should do anything about it. As long as she’s properly taken care of and nothing illegal is going on there what happens in their house is their business.
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Hmmm…this is tough. When my boyfriend and I moved in together and he had his son over, I didn’t feel comfortable having him sleep in our bed…even though that’s what they always did. I told him that from the get-go. I felt like it was crossing some kind of line.
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Ask the daughter how she feels about it. As long as there isn’t anything inappropriate going on, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. Seems more like you have issues with it for your own personal reasons. If she’s comfortable cosleeping with them, I would just let it go and let it be
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