I don't think I can make it alone

My Husband and I have been together for almost 20 years, high school sweethearts. He recently has started being physically abusive and blaming me. On top of that he has been sending videos to other women via snapchat only while I'm at work.. I know that I should leave, we have children and I'm scared to start over. I work and he stays at home, please give me some encouragement. I'm so hurt and lost. I know I deserve better, I just don't know how I can make it alone.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I don't think I can make it alone

I mean if you work and he stays home, HELLO!!! You’re already doing it alone!

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Oh but you are making it alone. Alone while having to put up with this deadbeat. Plus, it’s not “start over” when you already have a job, you already went through the pregnancies… you’re not at zero, you’re good to go :relieved::trophy::tada:

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You are already making it alone… leave the baggage you got this!

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Hunny u can do better all by ur damn self and then find a great man.

Start surrounding yourself with your friends girl. Get help! It is ok to ask for help. And once you start spending more time with your friends, then you will have the proper support you need. It is so hard for us to ask for help. But what he is doing is not right.

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You work and pay the bills already. Make plans and go. If you can get evidence of his adultery that’s even better. Don’t put yourself through that, don’t let the kids think that is okay, and definitely don’t stay just for the children. You deserve better! You got this! Leave him high and dry and don’t look back.

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You have to love your self enough to know ur worth the work

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You got this lovely.
Kick him out.
You will all be happier without the stress.

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I was with my husband for 14 years, I didn’t think I could live without him either. Today marks 2 months and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. You only live once, is this how you want to live for the remainder of your life?

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It’s sooo much easier alone. It sounds harder but, in reality, it’s easier.

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Do you have any police record of the abuse? Next time he is abusive, call the police and press charges. Get a good divorce attorney…at least for a consult on what to expect. You may be able to get a restraining order on him if you file for separation.

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Your already doing it all yourself kick his arse out

Alone. U are already doing it alone. Get a babysitter.

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Oh honey, this definitely sounds easier said then done I know but the fact that he stays home and YOU work? Girl, YOU GOT THIS

As long as you pay him child support

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If you’re the one that works, you’re already financially self sufficient. So you will be fine on your own. Know your worth & set an example for your children that they are not to tolerate mistreatment, no matter who it’s coming from. You got this!

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Please get out. You don’t deserve to be abused physically or mentally. You can do this.

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You work and he stays at home. You can make it alone. Get out now

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You are already alone girl!! You are financially stable, he is not. You don’t need him for money or to take care of you so you’ll be fine financially.

Get divorce papers free online, have them notarized, and kick him out. Get the sheriffs to remove him from the home. It will take a long time to emotionally heal from your wounds but you will never heal if he is there. No one deserves to be cheated on or abused. Stand up for yourself and what you deserve. Message me for positive healing❤️‍🩹

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You are already doing it alone! He is just riding off of you! Kick him to the curb! Yes it’s scary at first but you have proven you can make it without him already! Take your kids and move on… He is nothing but a user and abuser, you and your kids deserve so much better! You will feel so much stronger and better once he is gone. The abuse alone is a reason to leave and not look back! Remember this: It’s better to be alone than to wish you were… Good luck!

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Life goes by so fast! Don’t waste it! Start over and move on. There is someone out there who will treat you well. Don’t waste anymore time or energy on this horrible person!

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There’s a book, “Learning to Leave: A woman’s Guide” - it gives a lot of useful information. I cut the cover off a cheap cookbook and glued it over my copy so my husband at the time wouldn’t become enraged. You can get a used copy off Amazon.

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You already have the upper hand given that you are the provider. Get those divorce papers and kick his behind out!

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You! :clap: Are! :clap: Better! :clap:Than! :clap: That! :clap:
Get out before it starts to mess you and your kids up!

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You need to get a lawyer to protect yourself and your assets. As a stay at home parent he might be entitled to. Alimony

Speak to a lawyer and start the divorce proceedings.

What has changed in him to be this way? Is there something medically wrong that has changed his mental status? Either way, you need to get out and be safe and have your kids safe. Know your worth.

Look at this way… wouldn’t you rather be alone then to be with some one that makes you feel alone

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You can definitely do it without him. It’s hard, and it’s terrifying, but I promise you are stronger than you think you are. Because once it starts, it only goes downhill

There is your answer. He’s the one that should be worried. You work and he stays home. You can do this. Get your kids and get out.

You deserve better.

That’s it. That’s the magic advice.
You can more than make it alone. You will one day find a partner that truly loves you. Until then you love yourself. Love your kids and model the life you want them to strive for.

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If you can make it in a toxic relationship like that, you can for sure make it alone! :100::clap:t3: It’ll take some time to adjust to the new normal & things will be a little harder emotionally & mentally for a bit but you will make it. You will thank yourself for making that call in the long run. Trust me, I would know. I’m a domestic violence survivor. :purple_heart:

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You will do better on your own. You have an extra child in this man who is using and abusing you. You will be so happy when you kick him out.

You can do it just believe in yourself. I was with mine for 12 and I did it. If he’s being stupid it’s not going to stop.

You can do this. I know it’s scary. But put one foot in front of the other and deal with things as they come. Make some preparations before you ask him to leave. Check the local laws. Speak to an attorney. Don’t tell anyone what you’re planning until you’re ready to ask him to leave. As the bread winner, you may end up paying him some kind of support for at least some amount of time. Be prepared and budget accordingly. Also know that your assets will come under review so ask the attorney about how to set up an emergency fund that he can’t attach. It may end up that you literally need to stash cash. Depending on what the laws are. When I decided to leave my husband, I had already made up my mind that he could have everyone in our lives. I only cared about my daughter. Be prepared for other people to have opinions and to tell them to stuff it. Good luck :green_heart:

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You’ve already been doing it alone if he’s staying home, you’ve got this!

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You got this. Pick yourself up and walk away. You’re kids will thank you one day. You do deserve better

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The physical and mental/verbal abuse is where you should most definitely draw the line. You don’t want your children to grow up thinking thats how a woman should be treated. What you do, will always be what they see, so you choosing to stay, is showing them it’s okay to be abused. It’s not easy, I’ve been there, but it’s so worth it in the end to find happiness in someone who doesn’t belittle everything you do, or physically hit you.

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But you are working and he’s not. Why are you scared to start over? It’s not like you need him financially.

I don’t understand. Why don’t you think you can make it on your own? You’re already paying for everything. You’d have 1 less person to take care of. It’ll be easier. Please get a counselor that specializes in DV. They will help you.

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Being single is way more peaceful then being cheated on and abused!! You’re only scared because he’s all you know, but life can be great without him. Think of all the things he stopped you from doing. The person you wanted to be. He’s not the same person from 20 years ago, and neither are you.

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He stays home and you work? You are already doing it alone :woman_shrugging:t3:. Just lose the extra weight. It’ll take time but it’ll be so worth it. :pray:t2:

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U do everything on Ur own anyway get out he’s being a dog… ull get happier and can do what u want

If this is recent behavior, get his doctor to assess him for possible causes. Early onset dementia? Was he a football player? Could it be chronic traumatic encephalopathy? Ask about other possible illnesses.

If he’s always been a bit crabby, call a Women’s
Center for advice on how to find work and leave safely.

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You are already alone momma from the time he decided to abuse you… dont wait any longer for your children to experience that scenario from him… your priority should be you and the kids. God will take care of you. Just pray for guidance and protection… you can survive without your husband. We woman deserve more… You deserve more. You are strong.

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Get a lawyer and get out as fast as you can before it get a lot worse. Or before you or one of your kids get hurt seriously or even worse. And it is coming soon. Been in law enforcement since 1975. Seen 100s like this and it almost always gets worse. It a learned behavior. Please get out before something vary bad happens. God Bless and Prayers. There is plenty of help out there

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Warn him not to mess around while being mentally prepared for whatever that’s put forward by him. The moment he gets violent, call the police on him. Follow up with your statement asking him to stay away from you and your kids. Get lawyer’s help prior to everything and prepare well.

You are ALONE!!! He is not there for you, get him out…you’ll be better off.

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Your already making it alone financially so that’s a plus !!! You can do it if he passed away tomorrow you would do it !! Your worth more then that go on out there and live your life momma

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You are working. You can make. It. Ok. He is not working. He is. The one that can’t make it.

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You may or may not make it on your own but you definitely won’t make it where you are now.

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#1 Tell him to get a job and support himself. Go halfers on a sitter :laughing: u obviously wear the pants so he needs to feel like a man :woman_shrugging: idk

No no no; if you work then take your kids and leave. Gather important papers and set up a new bank account and talk to a lawyer. Document any bruises and take pictures of the Snapchat’s.

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It sounds like there’s no relationship just you getting used and abused. Get out

Brake his phone

Teach him it’s not okay to be abusive
Leave If you have to

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You are not financially reliant and he is abusive. Get therapy and get out!

Like after 20 years he’s JUST NOW acting like this out of the blue?

Listen to me because I am not kidding. If he seriously has had a sudden personality shift he NEEDS to go to the doctor and have tests done. There could be literally something wrong in his brain or body.

The sadder possibility is drug use and I really hope that’s not it because that’s not so easily fixed.

If nothing is wrong though I’m really confused on why he’d suddenly be like this other than you have behavior he’s sick of. It doesn’t make it right to treat you that way though. If it is indeed the case you guys should just divorce already.

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You work. He don’t. He has nothing to offer you other than a false sense of security. It’s all mine games! You kick his abusive cheating ass to the curb and enjoy your life without that free loading dead weight! Staying for the kids will only show them that it’s ok to be mistreated. Would you rather your kids see you happy and alone than together and it be toxic? You can do this!

Spent 12 yrs w my kids dad…not worth it…and much better after I left

Common now… you know what to do.

You make the money girl. I know your hurt but you gotta be smart for you and esp those babies. They don’t need to watch or be around that energy.

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Yes you can make it Divorce this dude he is a looser!!!

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You work and he doesn’t… You’re already doing it on your own… Get child care and be done.

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The day he laid a hand on you should of been his last. You’re better off and don’t deserve that! Of course it’s scary to leave & start over. But you got this!

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SMH. Girl fix your crown, hold your head up and get the hell out of there. You got this.

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LEAVEEEE. RUN AND DONT LOOK BACK. These are the instances in which women end up dead. They’re afraid to leave so they deal until it kills them, literally. You are NOT financially relying on him, making it MUCH easier for you to leave than most women have it. Take all of his belongings, put them on the curb, change your locks, and involve the cops if you have to.

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jou gott a job. gett out of there its not going to gett better.

You don’t need no man. I’ll tell every women that . You don’t need no man… if you are working , and he is staying at home I can’t really say you are doing it by yourself , while you work does he help take care of the house , the kids , does he clean , cook, dishes. Laundry. If not then you are doing it all by yourself… But it is NOt a woman job’s to take care of a man , unless something happens and y’all both was already working and he got laid off or fired , and is trying to find another job, or is disabled , That’s different, but the man should be the provider of the main house… Sometimes things doesn’t work even after 20+ year’s, don’t be scared to leave him and if he decides to changes his way then maybe give it another try but if he goes back to the same way file for divorce… Sometimes it also takes losing what you really love and want to be able to see if it’s meant to be and find its way back… And if it don’t work out divorce hun… also tell him how it is , NO MAN OR WOMEN SHOULD BE ENTERTAINING ANOTHER MALE OR FEMALE WHILE TOGETHER , just because your working doesn’t give him the right to entertain another person at all… and your kids I’m not sure how old they are but they will understand if they are old enough, sometimes it’s also better for the kids as well but a unhappy environment makes the environment unhealthy and unhappy for the kids as well… kid’s can tell when things are wrong.

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Dump His LAZY ASS YOU CAN DO BETTER I DID HAPPY AS CAN BE

I can relate 110%… I left Jan 2020… it was hard… And identical situation. I’m 35. We had been together pretty well since I was 15… 2 kids…house… marriaged. There was alot of abuse. Aug of 2019 our daughter she was 14… had a baby… added more of a dynamic to it all… but here I am . Almost 2 years later… I left with the kids as it was how it was. The kids went with me mainly cause dad never had a predictable schedule. I always did all the mom stuff and dad did what he could when he wantd so away the 3-4 of us went… it’s hard as hell some days/weeks… I wonder how in the hell I’m gonna make it all work… And with Christmas. I am stressed. My girls say I can be intolerable some days. Lol. But I work my ass off. I get no support . Left with the my stuff and a storage locker of stuff. No pay out on house. Signed it over a year ago as I didn’t want the bullshit battle… as i know it would have been… him and some of how family said I wouldn’t gt anything if i fought anyway … I didn’t give 2 shits… I can say I got where I am… ON my own… I bought a truck last July… I always wanted a truck… :revolving_hearts:. It’s all mine. U can do it… I didn’t want my girls seein that… they had for to long. We all deserved better… him, me the kids… we were not happy. Best of luck… the first step is the hardest… but I swear to u it’s worth it… I loved him so much but I had to love me and the kids more. U got this. :revolving_hearts:

You can do this. You do not want to teach your children that being treated like that is okay. Please start calling the police when he gets violent. It needs to be documented. Then get proof of his infidelity…you can do this. Starting over is hard. But it’s worth it hun. God bless you

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You work he stats home? Why do you need him? Leave or make him leave.

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Nah girl he’s the one who can’t make it without you! You’ve got this!

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You’re already doing it alone! Plus all the other added stress. Change is scary but honestly set yourself free.

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Hun run from the cunt don’t look back, don’t fall for the stories or tricks, don’t take his sympathy just start running, you’ll be fine the experience is a shit one but makes you a hell of a lot stronger!! My ex fiancé left me at the beginning of the year and I couldn’t thank her enough she gave me a saving grace because now I am such a stronger and better person then I was

Honey if you work and he stays home. Why do you even want him? Walk out that door and don’t look back. You are a woman and you got this. I’m not a religeous person but I’ve always heard when GOD closes one door he opens another one

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RUN and don’t look back!!!

Take the kids and leave now. If this behavior is new to him - he needs to have medical evaluation - there could be something physical going on in his head. A former neighbor started being really mean to his wife and she finally made him see a doctor - he had a brain tumor - - - -. But I would get you and the kids out first.

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Prayers your way sweetheart… you are God’s child,you can make it!

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Leave. Go now. Your kids see the abuse and that’s unfair. You don’t have to ever talk bad about him to them, they see it themselves. Show your kids strength and courage. They will thank you.

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Bless you , you poor lady. Find the fire :fire: in your belly beneath

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what scares you the most? I have been there it only gets worse if you stay and there are so many resources out there that even when I left I didn’t know about!! You don’t want your kids growing up thinking that this treatment is ok.

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You said it ! You can do better!

You have children…
So, you are more afraid of being alone than raising messed up children who watch their mom get beaten up?
You have to run. For and fast.
He hits you, call the police and get a restraining order. File for divorce and custody.
You’ll have your children, you won’t be alone.

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File charges on him and a restraining order for the physical abuse that way there is proof. You shouldn’t have to leave your home nor should ur kids , he’s the problem not u.

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Everyone is telling her to leave the way I see it she’s the one working. I would have his A** put out in a heartbeat. Girl your the one working sounds like your already doing it alone so stay where your at and kick him out. With him being abusive and you having kids the cops would gladly help you put him out.

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Document on a calendar, EVERY TIME ! … press charges now so those to are documented… don’t wait… if you’re working and he is not, he’ll go after alimony…Document EVERYTHING! (((HUGS))) AND GOOD VIBES FOR YOU LUV :heart: YOU GOT THIS

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Honey you can. I’m divorced, too. Was cheated on. And now my ex husband is transiting into a woman. I was broken, scared, hurt, angry. Then I picked myself up & decided it was time for me to smile once again. And now I am the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I finally have also met the love of my life. You could make it. And find your smile again, as well.

It is possible I don’t know about others but I had start over from an abusive relationship a really bad one with my kids it was scary but once I was in motion I got to a domestic violence shelter for women and children who help you get benefits assistance and a place to get you on your feet safely

You are the breadwinner. He is the one who is being kept up. Ask him to leave. You are able to take care of yourself!

You’re already doing it alone. You work, and he doesn’t. On top of it, he is now physically abusive. Don’t walk, run! Take you and the kids and leave.

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you can call police tell them whats up they can take you and kids to a place he cannot find this place will help you get all you need for you and kids i worked on a womens hot line not even i knew where the place the police will take you there is alot of help out there but every day you stay is a chance for him to really hurt you prayers

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You pay the bills. He depends on you. What more is there to say? Eff him. You’re paying for his living. You’re doing it already on your own. You don’t need him.

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Start saving up money & hide it. Search for a place to move with your children.
Then leave him!
Don’t let him try to scare you. Call the cops to pack your stuff.

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You’re already making it alone make him leave

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My kids tell me it was the best thing I ever did! And I know it! More than 10 years on and he is doing the same to his new lady. I’m thankful I had the balls to do it.
You will be ok.

One step at a time!
Just do it.
Please hurry before you get hurt!
:two_hearts:

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Your encouragement is picking yourself up, adjusting your crown, and kicking his sorry ass out. Staying “for the kids” is garbage. All that does is teach them it’s ok for a partner to abuse them. Not ok! You and your babies deserve better.