I don't think its appropriate that my daughters step dad cuddles her: Advice?

I have a question. I want to be anonymous. I have two beautiful daughters, and I am pregnant with my third. My fiance is stepfather to my oldest, who is four and biological father to my 16-month-old and the current pregnancy. I have talked to him before about not cuddling with the girls and certain acts that are just not ok in my eyes. I came home, and he was cuddled up on the couch with my oldest (practically spooning), so I told him, please do not do that. He is now mad and saying I am completely wrong. Am I wrong to not be ok with this? Thanks in advance.

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If you not trust him, why are you togheter?

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I mean, if you don’t trust him, you shouldn’t have him around your children at all.

If you do trust him, why is it an issue?

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Trust your gut! If it makes you uncomfortable then it’s just a no.

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I honestly dont understand why you would have a problem with that.

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Would it be okay if he was the biological father of your eldest would you still have the same problem?

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I could trust my man and still feel uncomfortable about this :thinking: I agree with you :smirk::roll_eyes: I think it’s inappropriate. you have every right !

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Yeh you’re in the wrong… You had a child with someone that you don’t trust around children and now you’re having another one with him? Dad’s are allowed to cuddle their kids… You have an issue

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Seems like odd behaviour.

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Jesus Christ. It’s not right and you know it

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My 2 daughter’s have a stepdad (the father of my 3rd child) that they sit in his chair with him to watch t.v. I see no harm. Spooning is something else. My 2 yr old sometimes crawls in the bed with us, but i trust him 100% so i don’t give it a second thought.

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My ex father in law would try to do this with my oldest and i would always get mad BUT he would always try to make her get under a blanket. Outside a blanket is one thing under a blanket nope

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There’s a reason why your uncomfortable with his behavior be diligent and if it happens again redirect the child find an excuse to get her away from him

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I personally don’t see an issue with it. My 2 year old cuddles and snuggles with her daddy all the time. Sounds like your little one and her step-daddy have a good bond…but sadly, sounds like you may have some trust issues.

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If this was her dad would you question it? If there is a reason you don’t trust him with her then he needs to go. Otherwise you’re going to ruin their relationship and your relationship with him.

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I think it’s just up to you personally if you have an issue with it. I personally wouldn’t be bothered by it at that age, but as she got older then yes I could understand where that would be inappropriate. Good luck mama!

Trust your gut… if you feel he’s being creepy or inappropriate get rid of him immediately… if you don’t trust him to be alone with your daughter he should not be there…protect your daughter first & foremost…

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I get the sense you have trust or your own personal issues your projecting into the situation. Take a step back and think how you’d feel if he said this to you.

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Cuddling is one thing, spooning is another. Trust your instincts.

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Not to seem insensitive, but an affectionate dad is a good thing.
Does the child feel comfortable with the step dads affection?
Would you be as concerned if he were her bio dad?
Again, I’m not trying to minimize your concerns.
I’m concerned that the OP is a victim of abuse so she’s hyper vigilant to a man’s affection towards a child. Sorry if I’m way off base.
My husband was affectionate with the child I brought into the marriage and he adopted. I was ok with it because Dads should be affectionate towards their children, step or bio.

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Sounds like you’re jealous. You’re in the wrong. She’s a daddy’s girl.

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It’s a no for me there should be boundaries set

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It’s a cuddle. They’re kids, kids need cuddles.
Sounds like you need some kind of therapy twisting something so innocent.

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Trust your instincts… he will understand. Might be hurt

Please be cautious. If your gut feeling is something is wrong trust it. Your child is more important than his feelings. If you have already said not to and you came home to this and he got mad - that’s not ok. A secure man would not be mad he would say that he would never want you to feel uncomfortable.

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If you’re uncomfortable then you need to leave and stop having kids with him.

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I feel like something may have happened to you for you to may feel like that if he does the same with the 16month old then that’s just him treating your oldest as his own

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Can not believe how many feel cuddling a child is wrong :scream:

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If you think he would do some nasty shit to your daughter if they were cuddling why do you even have him in the house I SIMPLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION. legit mad. Girl bye.

My dad adopted me, I was cuddled by both my parents and it was never weird. I’m 35 and I still kiss my Dad goodbye. Not sexual in the least BUT if it weirds you out, say no.

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I cuddle with my teen boys (14,13), and I honestly don’t see anything wrong with that. It has always been just the 3 of us and we are extremely close. Sometimes when I’m on the other bed 1 will come to me and say lets cuddle…BUT seeing that he is not the bio dad and you feel uncomfortable with it then you have every right to say something, maybe explain to him how n why you feel that way. Better to be safe than sorry.:hugs::heart:

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Wait. I’m confused you said Girl’s so is he not just cuddling the Four year old?

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Im gonna be that person and ask…if this was a step mother and a step son would everybody still have an issue with this? My son is 4 and that is his favorite way to cuddle. I don’t see an issue with this. She is bonding with her step father. She’s at an age where she can tell you if she doesn’t like it or if she’s uncomfortable

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Would you allow him with his biological daughter? If so. Can I ask how you see no harm in that?

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My 12 year olds step dad has beeb in her life since she was 4 he cuddles her regularly even when shes poorly its him shel cuddle upto on the sofa. Personally i dont see the problem but obviously u do so trust ure gut

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Let’s examine why you have an issue with it. What bothers you fear? Fear of what? Is this transference? My three year old gets laid down with every night either me or her step dad. Tonight I had stuff to do so he snuggles her in our bed while they watched baby shark.

Conversely his 2 year old that we have full custody of sometimes tells me not to touch her. And that’s okay. If they child feels safe and isn’t displaying any of the red flags of abuse I think you need to talk about it with especially if your reasons you are u comfortable with this are rooted in trauma.

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There’s a reason why you don’t trust him… If he has showed something behind doors that you think he could be a pedophile, then you should have made the decision to leave him right away. I have 3 daughters and one of them is my husband’s biological daughter. My oldest two were raised by him since they were 2 and 3 years old. My husband has always showed respect and has even told them to always wear pijamas that cover them up because ladies cannot walk around naked. Just my 2 cents.

Follow your mom gut. If it feels wrong… it probably is… BUT… If you felt it was wrong for him to cuddle with your daughter why would you have a baby/babies with him in the first place. A bit lost here. But YOau listen to YOU

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Unless you think he’s a sexual predator what’s the problem? I lay with all 4 of my kids this way and when their sperm donor decides to show up he does too.

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I only have sons so I’m having a difficult time wrapping my mind around this. Your man is touching your daughter in a way that makes you uncomfortable…and he’s still your man :thinking:

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I know that having a history of myself being abused as a child has definitely made me feel very uncomfortable with things that are typically deemed normal. My husband is a step father to my oldest two children and I don’t think it’s fair to ask him to parent and not let him be affectionate. Cuddling is normal for most parent child relationships. Please remember you are marrying this man and if you’re uncomfortable with him being a parent to your kiddos as well as being affectionate, you may want to rethink marrying him at all. I am sorry if this comes across rude. But try and see it from his point of view. And make sure that nothing you’ve been through is affecting and skewing your judgement.

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No. I wouldn’t allow it either.

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Um there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with him cuddling her… would you say the same if it was his BIO daughter??? He’s her step father for crying out loud nothing more! I’m sorry but I personally think you are over reacting and need to chill tf out

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If you don’t feel comfortable with him and ur oldest why are they left alone when u are not home ?

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What are the other certain acts? Sounds to me he or u need to go you are putting your girls at risk who should be FIRST !!

I think its totally appropriate if hes an appropriate man. I actually think daughters need affection from their father. My daughters father is not present, & everyday i hope that they start to build closeness with my current boyfriend. I want that for them. I dont see why its inappropriate, esp if hes treating your daughter the same as his kids, then you’re blessed with a good man. Sexualizing innocent things like kids cuddling (which they need) is weird if you ask me. I understand having boundaries, but why would you be with a man if you can even slightly think he’d do that to your child.

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Go with your gut… you would be the only one to know if it’s just cuddling or felt or know it’s something more. Never doubt your intuition!

No you are not in the wrong. A man should always have boundaries set especially these days and if he is not the father of the girl then he definitely isn’t allowed to do things like that. He needs to respect your boundaries with your kids Good for you that you have those boundaries some mothers don’t care and let any man just touch and fell on their children then wounder why their children were raped or even killed

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Imagine if someone was insinuating that you were molesting, or had those intentions, your son… it’s disgusting. Now, if you have a gut feeling, then you need to pack up your kids and leave right now. Otherwise, that’s just a good dad… our daughter is 11 and occasionally still gets in her dads bed and sleeps. Just earlier today he was laying on the couch with her watching a movie… I did the same reading with her.
As far as the spooning, the kid is 4 I mean it’s a small person, I don’t think spooning is the actual term you’re seeing

Like I said, if you think it’s inappropriate that he’s doing it, then you need to leave NOW

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let’s stop acting like every damn man is a fucking child molester… really?

You need to deal with your issues and stop projecting them onto the kids. Or if you thing he is a paedophile - leave :woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming:

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What’s wrong with you

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So your trust him alone with her but have a problem with the cuddling … That’s a bit backwards …

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First of all if You have some sort of sexual predator fear why the fuck are you with this bloke and having his children!
Second He should be aloud to fucking cuddle his step daughter without anyone thinking anything sinister he obviously has been in her life for some time and cares about her and thinks of her as his own why make it into something it isn’t :woman_facepalming:t3:

Trust your instincts…no means no…

You can never be to careful please keep an eye. I wouldn’t like it, especially if it’s not the actual dad’. Don’t let them potentially get abused

Is there reason to be uncomfortable? Because my bf and my 5 yr old are very close and I’d never tell her she can’t cuddle or be in his lap. There’s no reason she can’t be.

And if I ever had a reason then he wouldn’t be in my house around either of my children

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My oldest is not biologically my husband’s child. When she was super little like that they cuddled all the time. They’re super close and nobody sees eachother as step dad or step child. They’re just dad and daughter. And my husband cuddles our 10 month old son too. Children need affection. If its INAPPROPRIATE is different but cuddling in itself shouldn’t be a red flag. If you’re marrying this man you need to trust him. If you don’t, then don’t marry him.

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There is no right and wrong. Everyone will have there opinions. It’s your family you do what’s right for you.

Look for signs, trust your gut, watch how he acts and always always have open communication with him and the babies.

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If you feel uncomfortable about it than you are not wrong. Why would he fight you on this? What does he stand to lose? Get your kids away immediately!!!

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go with your gut instinct better safe than sorry xx

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Why be with him if you already dont trust him

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You’re sexualizing an innocent act between father/daughter. He’s her father figure, so yes, her father. If there’s truly nothing inappropriate going on, then why would you have an issue? And if you do have an issue with your man showing your daughter love, then why are you with him? My man cuddles with my kids, just as much as their other dad does. Nothing inappropriate about it. I see why he’s upset. You wish to be married to this man, yet aren’t okay with him showing affection with cuddling to your kid? Why see you so against it? Your daughter seems good with it. Unless she says she isn’t comfortable, why ruin their bonding?

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I think its great that she is close to the step dad to cuddle. I’m not in the situation and I’m not there to know what goes on but if you dont trust him like that around her why you with him? Why is she left alone with him? If I didnt trust someone I wouldn’t leave my kids alone with them.

Sorry but why leave a man alone with your children if you do not trust him enough to cuddle

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I always believe an affectionate father is a good one. However, if you’re uncomfortable by him being loving/cuddly toward your oldest, there is something going on in your gut that you should trust. You shouldn’t be with someone who you don’t trust cuddling with your children - any of them. Biological or not doesn’t matter.

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You can tell him not to cuddle your oldest but you absolutely cannot tell him not to cuddle his own daughters. Stop projecting your issues onto your fiancé.

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What are the other certain acts .
Has he done anything before to make u think it’s something other then cuddling

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What happened to you as a child for you to feel this way?

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I’m just going to put this here. I had a niece not biological, was actually my friends child whom I cuddled whenever she wanted because I loved her, not because my intentions were bad. And if she were a boy I would’ve done the same. If he had a son who was 4 would you just not cuddle or show him affection? This seems wrong, if you think he’s got bad intentions then why would you be with him? Your sexualizing your own child. I would spoon my child, I would lay with my child however, and if he considers her his child like he should then I don’t think you should be telling him to reject your daughter when she’s looking for some love and cuddles from a father figure…

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And it’s people like you who literally bring men down!

What a lovely man he is treating kids with love! My best memories are ones cuddled up with my dad! Go sort your own messed up head out and if you don’t trust him let him go the poor man! Sounds like your a control freak.

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You are robbing your kids of love! If you worry that much about his acts then WHY WOULD YOU BE WITH HIM? IF he is a good guy you need some mental help!

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Okay is it because it’s about a little girl?? My step son is 3 and i cuddle him all the time. He loves to lay on the couch with me and watch tv. If my fiance told me that was inappropriate and to stop, id be angry too. They’re small children and human contact is important in bonding and it’s just nice to cuddle with your child; and yes if you have other kids with him and yall are together she is his child now too. But these questions are on my mind. Are your other children cuddling with him going to be a problem as well? Has he done anything to indicate he shouldn’t be around children? Has your daughter expressed that she doesn’t want to cuddle with him? Does he give any red flags other than what just seems like normal parental affection? At the end of the day look at everything and figure something out because I bet this will be a serious problem later on; by serious problem i mean the fact you have a problem with the man youre with and having mire children with trying to give affection to the kids and you not liking it.

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If he can cuddle his biological daughter but not the step daughter then all you are going to do is cause huge jealously between the girls and they both will notice how dad ‘loves her more’. I still cuddle with my 11 year old son, does that make me a bad person? My husband still cuddles our 9 year old. Does that make him bad? If your oldest’s biological father cuddled her like this would you have a problem? Would you confront him? Call the cops or cps? Or would that be ok because they are dna linked? Just things to think about. Your daughters are watching. They can see if you allow one to cuddle but not the other. They notice. They will question.

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The fact that ur questiong him means u dont trust him around ur children. Would u feel that way if he done it to his bioloigical child?
If u dont trust him with ur kids why are u with him. Ur kids r obviously the most precious thing in ur life . So if there isnt any trust its game over

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So he can cuddle with his biological kids, and not his “step daughter”? That a bit confusing.

If your not okay with this, you shouldn’t be with him. :woman_shrugging:t2: I don’t think he should treat your daughter any different then he would his kids. She’s going to see him cuddling with his daughter but can’t with her? It’s going to hurt her.

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Your either wrong or need a divorce, if what hes doing is wrong then you shouldnt be with him BUT to me it sounds like your over reacting and your in the wrong. Cuddling is not inappropriate, its been proven that cuddling your kids is extremely beneficial to them. Why would you allow him to cuddle his bio kids but not step? And if you dont let him cuddle any of them and hes never done anything to make you worry about the safety of your children then something is very wrong with you.

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Theres a reason you are uncomfortable just admit it.

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Unless hes a creep then I dont really understand why its an issue? And if he is then why are you having children with him…
I think you’re making it a bigger deal than it needs to be. Would it be different if it were his actual biological daughter… those are the moments parents love, step or not.
Why cause hes a guy? So moms cant cuddle their sons?
I have 3 boys and hell would freeze over before anyone told me I couldn’t cuddle my sons.

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My mother’s husband (legally my step father) is a convicted pedophile, however never cuddled, yet my 14yo cuddles her step dad every chance she gets.

Though I understand why you are hesitant, if he is just being loving, then that’s fine.

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I think that you might want to double check you actually trust your fiance. My two daughters cuddle with my husband, step dad to both, in the bed and on the couch. Never once thought it was inappropriate or anything. Momma instincts are momma instincts and clearly you are saying that for a reason.

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My first born was 2 when I met my first hubby, they cuddled all the time until baby 2 & 3 took over… It never seemed odd to me and my first born is a boy. They are all healthy adults now. Affection affirms discipline. It helps children to accept boundaries because they know love I there. Please be sure that you don’t have any personal trauma that you’re projecting. Cuddles are perfectly normal, everyday occurance and healthy for all family members.

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If you are uncomfortable with him being affectionate with your kid then you need to stop leaving them alone and need to leave the relationship. If you feel he has pedophile tendencies and don’t trust him then why have him around your kids or stay with him?

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My mom had a boyfriend that was like a step dad to me and I was always trying to hug and kiss on him. I could tell he sometime got annoyed but I was grateful to always have someone to get a hug from. This shouldn’t be a problem. It would make me feel weird as a child if my mom didn’t let it happen. Like I was wrong for wanting cuddles.

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So in my option on this is, you’re excepting him to treat your oldest different then your child together bc he’s not her dad. I mean if you feel like there more to then just him trying to be equal to the girls so neither feel like he loves one more then the other then why stay with him and why have another child with him

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Mine cuddles with my kid’s and I don’t see anything wrong. I trust him or he wouldn’t be here. Is the kid’s comfortable with it? Have they said anything? Do you have open communication with them? I think you should really think about why you’re uncomfortable with cuddles. Would you be ok with it he was blood? It’s amazing when father show affection.n

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spooning us not appropriate at all it is different to cuddling if you feel something is of chances are you are right go with your gut

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If you feel that uncomfortable with it then you shouldn’t be with him. If you cant trust him 110% as a father, whether its step or bio then you should not have your children around him.
And if he cuddles with his bio kid(s) thats not fair to the baby girl who isnt his bio to just get left out…

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Lol is this a joke?? My husband loves, cares for, and cuddles my daughter just as much as his own… You’re really going to complain that she’s getting positive and healthy affection and love from someone you thought was good enough to lay down and make a baby with? I can’t even with this…

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If you feel like he is being Inappropriate with her or has the potential to be…

L E A V E

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Why would you be upset or angry with a man, that’s father to two of your children and soon to be husband - showing affection to your children? He’s cuddling them, what is wrong with cuddling children?
If you have an issue with this I would seriously have a look at yourself and maybe there are some underlying issues, OR if that’s not the case and you just don’t trust him to be affectionate to your children you shouldn’t really be marrying him and definitely shouldn’t be having children with him :woman_shrugging:t3:

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If you don’t trust him why are you together? There’s no reason why that should be seen as not ok

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IF she was a lot older maybe but at 4 I dont see why you have an issue unless you dont trust him to keep the snuggles to a platonic area. If that’s the case you really either need to find a new man if he is the cause or you should probably seek professional advice because even comming from a household where ive had bad things done I dont view that as what everyone will do. My almost 3 year old insists on snuggling her daddy (my fiance not her bio dad) every time he is home. She has gone as far as to crawl into our bed which we don’t wear cloths and weve had to get up and get dressed due to finding her there. (We’ve since put a baby lock on our door handle to prevent this) we will all lay in bed when he is home and snuggle watching a movie and take a nap ( eing pregnant naps are great and with him working such long house over the road its a comfy family thing) I trust my partner completely with my daughter. Now if it was someone else it might be different or if she was much older same. But at their ages they need comfort. Its like saying if you had a 4 year old boy it would be wrong of you to snuggle and cuddle him

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I would like to add that everyone here being crass should remember we are all human and sometimes our feelings may not make sense. She is clearly reaching out and being diligent on her response seeing if it’s justified. Y’all should be kind.

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Soooo would it be weird if he cuddled with his own kids??? Why are you sexualizing it?

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Listen to your daughter’s cues.
If there’s something not right going on no way would she be comfortable cuddling with him like that.

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Stop sexualizing your CHILDREN you pervert. Its their dad. My husband sometimes hugs or cuddles our kids and its ok because he’s their PARENT. Several Yikes on Several Fucking Bikes. Please go get some legit counseling for your obvious issues and then go apologize for accusing him of being a child molester. :unamused::unamused::unamused:

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If you feel it’s inappropriate why are you asking strangers opinions you need to shut it down now , if he respects you he wouldn’t be doing that

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