Being a blended family, my children still cuddle their "step"dad, at age appropriate levels, and my “step” daughter with me. My two oldest girls still lay on their dad’s shoulder, hold his hands, hug him, tackle him, and mess around with him.
Sounds like you have trust issues with your SO. You might want to check if that is because of him or something in your past.
Physical touch and quality time may be your daughter love language.
Every ones situation is different. If someone doesn’t feel comfortable with the step father cuddling your child then he should respect that. I can understand him being offended over it. However, he should respect it PERIOD. You shouldn’t have to tell him twice!
Now with that being said… do you not feel comfortable with it because your instincts are telling you not to trust him with your daughter?
I feel 2 ways about this.
If I couldn’t trust my child’s step father alone with my child then personally I couldn’t be with him.
On the other hand… it’s always better to be safe than sorry. Unfortunately there have been TOO MANY cases of a child getting sexually abused as a child from the man that their mother loved and fully trusted! Sometimes they’re even the child’s biological father.
So I don’t feel you’re wrong.
I feel that he’s wrong for not respecting the boundary you set for him and her… I also feel it’s wrong that when you saw him cuddling her again after already speaking to you about it… that instead of him saying sorry or trying to talk this out with you, that he just got mad at you when you confronted him about it.
You don’t trust him but you keep having kids with him…
Hug cuddle hold your children fathers especially it is part of bonding there is a line and a real man will not see their children in a sexual way . Or any child
I say if it doesn’t feel right to you…trust your instincts.
You’re crazy. She’s 4. If she was 16 I’d say yeah somethings not right here. I’m a step mom to a beautiful 4 year old girl that we have full custody of because her mother moved away and started a new family. I cuddle with her every chance I get.
U have some issues. If u see a man holding onto one of his babies. Step dad means dad. Period. Get over your own sick issues.
That’s weird you feel that way. I think your wrong. I actually feel bad for him.
If you see cuddling as a sexual thing, then your feelings are right. But if you don’t see cuddling as sexual, then you’re wrong. I see cuddling as affectionate but not sexual so I don’t see anything wrong with it.
Sorry spooning is weird if not actual parent so yeah that’s not right if your gut says so
If it feels wrong, its wrong…trust your instinct
I think this is the one daughter you are going to treat her as competing for attention. She is your daughter not the other woman. Some women become very jealous of their young daughter’s youthfulness because those years for them are long gone and they pick on them. Just maybe there are some hidden underlaying feelings you are holding in that are making you uncomfortable.
My opinion, your being ridiculous!
You’re in the wrong, plain and simple. You’re being ridiculous.
Smh why be with someone if you can’t trust them to love your daughter as his own 
Go with your gut feeling Mom… F it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
If u don’t feel comfortable than tell him to stop! And so what if he gets mad he needs to understand
Anonymous. Get off facebook. Can’t believe you even posted this
Honestly you’re the one making it a bad thing(problem). You’re sexualizing a father daughter relationship. Nothing is wrong with that
Nobody should be slamming this woman unless you know the facts - if these other acts are indecent then she has a right to feel this way and shouldn’t be with the man period.
My current boyfriend isn’t he father to any of my three children and they love cuddling him 
. I don’t see anything wrong with it. But you are the mom and that is your choice.
Lord I hope he leaves you. How can someone be so ungrateful because a non biological dad loves your child??
Don’t agree cos if you’re child don’t want to be hug by real or step dad then you as a mother must sit down with dad and find out y his daughter don’t want to be hug you can’t force her now if you’re man is living th rightous way gods way then he is xpressing how much he loves her
Children are pure and innocent
Thy don’t know what th meaning of lying so thy will speak th truth to you
Does he give you the love you deserve kisses and I love you
Does he wait till mothers day to buy you roses
I’m sorry, but it’s coming across that you were handled inappropriately as a child and you’re projecting this onto your children. As a mother I totally get it, but also as a mother, you’re wrong. Children need affection. If they don’t get it from young they grow up searching for it and unfortunately they take it in anyway. This is how girls get into abusive relationship. Unless your daughter looks uncomfortable, has said something to you or you saw something more than a father cuddling his child (which is 100% healthy) then leave them. They’ve bonded and not many step parents are able to accept another child as their own.
What father doesnt cuddle their kids? Be grateful he stepped up to be there for the oldest and has such a bond with her. Not everyone is so lucky.
It’s not weird until you make it weird.
Sounds a bit like you’re sexualizing your 4 year old and her step father being comfortable together. And that’s a real problem.
Trust your gut feeling!
Stop getting pregnant if you think there’s an issue
Either you are not saying everything or you are just paranoid there is nothing wrong with cuddling your step daughter’s
I’m confused as to why your mind would immediately go for uncomfortable. Do you have a reason to be uncomfortable? If so, then why the fuck is this man even allowed in your house. And if not, then you’re def the weirdo…if I was a man who was just trying to be a father to his children (biological or not), I’d be not only sickened that you thought this way of me but very, very hurt.
Healing and insight 
No it’s not know if 5yrs from now you need to ask the girls how they feel about that n the beginning it was cute but your daughter should not have to be n nobody arms if. She says no
Dam it bf of yours don’t you know wat no means
Now as for you you carried them children
Then you spit them out and you loved them
You made sure they did not sleep on ther back
My older sister is dAm almost 60 she has a 30,yr old daughter renting a. Studio
My sister lives out of town
Anyways thy sleep together n the same bed now like Janet Jackson would sing whose right who s wrong it’s totally almost to wat I did was lay down one by one whisper how much daddy loves you and those where my step children
I don’t see anything wrong with this. If my kids ever get a step dad I want them to bond and be able to cuddle each other and spend time with each other. Children love to cuddle and for him to push her away it would do a lot of damage to her. Especially if he’s cuddling other siblings and not her.
I think your wrong sorry 
Wow you just seem petty. Leave them alone
I mean how long has he been stepdad? Does she have her real dad in the picture? Is this all he does that bothers you? Is he normally an affectionate person? So many unanswered questions
I get your concerns I work with a huge population of sex offenders and after reading alot of the profiles ive lost trust in EVERYONE with my children. Too much sexual abuse, neglect and physical abuse going on in days. As a mama also we should trust always trust lur instincts in protecting our children. Sounds like you also have some trauma yourself and maybe thats why your so scared?!?! If you feel like this toward your husband however that is a big issue he is someone you should be able to trust 100% around your kids
Sound you are a bit insecure is there a reason for this, he maybe just loves the child cause she is yours , if your concerned why leave him with your daughter
I was abused by my stepdad. I had deep issues I had to work through. Things like this. You have to acknowledge any issues and get help. If you havent had any personal issues to make you feel this way, ask yourself why. If you don’t trust him then he doesnt need to be around your kids.
My kids step dad snuggles up to them and it’s the cutest thing Eva
Would you think it was weird if that was her biological father is he somebody you can trust if you don’t think it’s weird for the biological father and he’s someone that you feel you can trust and want to spend the rest of your life with and raise children with then I don’t see any problem with them cuddling all children need love they need to know that they are loved and cared for but if it makes you uncomfortable maybe you shouldn’t be with him maybe there’s some kind of vibe that he’s giving off you’re going to have to look in your inner self and pray hard and find out the correct answer
We are blended and I have 5 kids total. My girls’ bio dad is not very affectionate. I love that my husband is. He treats them as his own and half the time my girls (all 3) only want cuddles from dad. I treat my 2 youngest (not biologically mine) the same as my 3 older kids. When I first met my husband the baby was only 4 and I taught her how to shower by herself. That’s the level of trust between my husband and I. If you feel uncomfortable with him doing what a daddy should be doing then something’s not right. Only you can make that call though. Don’t segregate your oldest what ever you do. It will cause a rift between siblings and may set the stage for possible therapy on the future
Stop your b.s. Some people would kill to be in your shoes.
I believe the daughter don’t want to
Ok first you need to deeply think about WHY you are having these thoughts. Did a male figure do something to you to make you insecure about men cuddling with girls? Do you have trust issues with your fiancee or suspect pedophilia? Do you have unresolved issues with your past partner and are hoping that your old lover will come back and you don’t want the daughter attached to the new guy? See… cuddling is a perfectly normal thing and most parents of blended families would die for a guy willing to treat all the kids the same. There is no my girl vs his girls it is actually OUR girls. If you can’t see that you are not truly vested in marrying him AND his children and blending your families. Either talk to him and get help or set the poor man free to find a more deserving woman.
My fiance has cuddled with my daughter for 5 years now, she’s now 8. They have an amazing bond and he’s not her biological father. I personally think if you can’t trust him to be a loving and attentive father, then you don’t need to be with him.
Do you have any reason to feel his cuddling is somehow more than that or otherwise inappropriate? Children naturally seek out love and attention from caretakers. If you feel he has other than honest and noble motives/intentions, why is he in your home and children’s life at all? Does he cuddle his biological children? Your daughter is 4, not 14. It should be a blessing that he is treating her as his own. Do you have past trauma that make this uncomfortable for you? There is definitely more to this story.
There’s nothing wrong with cuddling. My husband snuggles my six year old daughter all the time. It makes her feel safe and loved. There’s nothing sexual about it. If you trust this man enough to marry him and have two more kids by him you obviously trust him. So unless there’s some under lying reason you aren’t telling us you’re wrong for getting upset over them bonding that way.
If you feel he shouldn’t cuddle your daughter, get him out of the house. If you love and trust the guy, be happy that he and your daughter love each other. As a step dad, I would not have stayed in a situation like that.
Would you rather he reject them bc they aren’t biologically his??? Kids need love and affection. Unless there’s something we all don’t know about him like he’s a sex offender or something. I don’t see why this would be an issue. I cuddled my dad all the time growing up. My kids snuggle their step dad all the time. There’s nothing wrong with him cuddling her.
If you don’t want him to cuddle your daughter, then I’d ask do you cuddle her? He’s a parent and you should be grateful that he loves her as much as his biological children. I had a stepfather who merely tolerated me and never loved me, so let him give her the cuddles. In my experience, children seek out hugs and cuddles when they need to feel protected or reassured or love.
Theres nothing wrong with cuddling, kids enjoy and need the comfort but I would NEVER be with someone who I didnt trust to even cuddle the kids. He may not be her bio father but the fact that hes being nurturing and loving towards her should be a good thing. If he were to only cuddle his daughters and not her, it would definitely make her feel unwanted and to tell a man he cant cuddle his own kids is very controlling if theres not a reason and if there is a reason, he shouldnt be around them at all. If I was him, I’d feel some type of way to. Part of raising kids is showing them that love and affection and with out it it can cause problems later on in life. Technically he has just as much right to cuddle his daughter as you do.
You are absolutely right not to be ok with it. He is the soon-to-be stepfather and not the biological father. There are just so many cases of inappropriate touching/child rape these days. Better be cautious than sorry.
If she was 15 and he was spooning with her I could understand it… but 4…? Kids feel close through affection and cuddles.
If he’s been inappropriate in the past, I wouldn’t be with a guy who I didn’t trust around my kids. 
If you doubt him why you with him…
Not all men are attracted to children! There’s something wrong here, if you view it any differently than a parent/stepdad vs. child relationship. I know society has made it harder to trust when you hear about sexual predators and inappropriate behavior with teachers and students, but if you love this man, you should also be able to fully trust him. Is there a reason you don’t? Has the child said anything to make you think it’s wrong? If so, then, yes, I’d not ever be in a situation to leave her alone with him…
If not, let it be.
ETA: wait, I just noticed the post said “not cuddling and certain acts”
What the heck do you want him to do? love YOU, and take care of YOU, but not them? He’s their dad/father figure. Why would you have sex with this guy and have another child if you were weird about him helping and loving them the same?
My hubby is not bio for any of my 4 daughters but when they were little and needed a good cuddle he was just as good for them as I was.
My son gave my ex partner (not his dad) more cuddles than he gave me. He loved and trusted him. Dont ruin that with a bad mind
My husband sometimes cuddles with my daughter, totally innocent, if you feel like you can’t trust him then maybe you shouldn’t be with him 
why can’t he show affection without feeling weird?
I used to nap with my dad and I loved cuddling with him. When I was 6/7 my stepmother threw a HUGE fit about how inappropriate and gross it was and how I was to old to be sleeping with cuddling with my daddy anymore. I didn’t understand why and it made me extremely sad and angry and my dad let her have her way.
Granted he divorced her because he found out she had been abusing me and my brother so I don’t have to worry about her anymore but still.
What’s wrong with girls cuddling with their daddies…step or bio? If you had a 4 year old stepson who wanted to cuddle on the couch with “mommy” how would you tell him the reasoning of why you refuse to?
if your daughter feels close to him then let her cuddle with him… children can sence things… if she’s freaked out by him then she wouldn’t go near him… it’s perfectly fine… my husband cuddles with our 6 month old all the time… im not going to sit there and tell him he can’t cuddle with her… that is completely wrong… I think its the cutest thing in the world to see my husband with our daughter…
If you think this dude is a closet pedo, why are you with him still and procreating with him?
If you don’t think he’s a lowkey pedo, why are you sexualizing their interactions?
Either way, something is wrong with one of you. Fix that shit before it affects your kidlets.
Wow… a man not allowed to cuddle his own kids. That’s messed up. Why do you keep on having kids with this dude if you’re not allowing him to even be a father? Do you cuddle them at all? If so, then you should stop too since it’s “inappropriate”. That poor man.
My fiance would tell me to fuck off if I told him he wasnt allowed to cuddle his own children. It’s where they take their best naps. I dont understand how you’re comfortable marrying someone that you dont feel comfortable cuddling your children…
don’t project you idea of children being sexualized and whts not okay… talk with him… understand reavh other… he doesn’t seem like any kindof monster i encountered… my rapist didnt touch me when other were around…
clearly you have qualms that need calming best of luck
Is there something you aren’t telling us or are you basing everything off of what the media is caring you with? Kids use cuddling as a form of safety and comfort. If you aren’t comfortable with this then why are you still with him and having more kids? If you keep making this a big deal where you dont seek help then… Someone else will think otherwise and maybe cps can do an investigation. While they do that all the kids will be taken from the house until done. You need to accept that he isnt the bio father or leave. You’re going to teach him and her that she is different and should be treated as such. Thats not fair to her. I have a step son i dont even get to hear or see because hes out of state so be lucky you found someone who accepts your daughter as his and is able to be in her life. You will end up chasing him away and it’ll make all your kids end of resenting you in the long run. Seek help.
Why would you want to marry somebody that you obviously don’t trust around your daughters? Sorry but this is a dumb question. What’s wrong with him being sweet and loving to your children and treating them as his own? You should be thankful that he’s like that because a lot of men wouldn’t treat kids like that, especially when he isn’t even the bio dad. I would be offended if I was him but that’s just my opinion… Hell my kids dad doesn’t want anything to do with them so be happy that’s he’s a kind man.
I feel like if you married him, you obviously trust him, and trust him with your child?!.
So he loves her as if she was his, and he’s allowed to cuddle his bio daughter but not his step daughter?
And if you have concerns about him cuddling her, why don’t you have those same concerns with him cuddling his bio kids?
I think it’s wrong to say he isnt allowed especially with his biological child and why would you want your oldest to feel any different, if you have a gut instinct that theres something more to it then you need to look into it more and leave if so. But if it’s just a harmless cuddle whilst watching a movie what Is wrong with that, My stepdad has been with me since I was 3 year old and we have always cuddled and I love him like my real dad. I couldn’t imagine not having some affection from a father figure and being able to feel safe and secure xx
Wow he is your fiance and you are having issue so early in the relationship
I don’t understand y would want to Mary
My xpercinc as a ugly man
If the lady am going to hold at night then I 1st have to get the children approval to sleep with mommie
Once you get the daughter to like it’s a awesome feeling have a child hug you kiss you be say gudnite and I love you then momma like butter n your hands tAlking in tongues
If a mother cuddles her children that normal you don’t hear many women being charged with molesting a child now consider if th father drinks do meth he has no control of his sexual needs not all father are sick
I think you’re gross and feel bad for your husband.
If you’re worried about this with the man you’re marrying there are more problems here
There isn’t a sexual component to it so it’s completely fine if he doesn’t show the girls you know love and affection than they’re going to go and try to find it somewhere else and it’s going to be a lot worse in the long run he’s showing them that you know he does care about them instead of you know the opposite it’s not a bad thing I personally think that you are wrong for thinking that you are kind of putting a negative aspect on their relationship like a pedophilia sort of thing is not like that now if it was that would be an issue of course but if he’s just showing them love and making sure that they know that their loved then that’s fine there’s not an issue with it
If you think your husbands a pervert why allow him in the home at all?
Its quite normal for a parent, step or not to show affection to their child, hugs, kisses, cuddles. Why isnt he allowed to love her? So sad she is 4 not 14.
Don’t let him do that
He may not be able to control the feeling on his …when is close to another female
Protect your daughters, plenty of father’s molest their children
When I was 13 I had a stepdad I knew him for 4 or 5 years he had kids who I played with all the time but one day he back-hugged me and it was really uncomfortable for me because he picked me up and chucked me on the sofa or bed and I had a skirt on I never told anybody how I felt is that abuse ??
I was 13 years old and he hated me but he kept back hugging me and like doing weird things like pushing my back closer and closer and I wanted to get out but couldn’t
Is there a reason you don’t want him cuddling his non biological children? If he is their stepfather why is it an issue for him to show love and affection towards children he is helping you raise?