She’s 4? They want to be held and loved! I remember my dad cuddling me when I was like 6 and 7 ! It was harmless! My dad raised me and my brother so he was all I had! My daddy is my best friend and i would be so lost without him today! I’m 28 now with my own children and I choose to love and cuddle them the same way I was! I wouldn’t deprive your daughter of this love. Just realize you’re truly blessed you have found a mate to love your child as his own! That’s rare and you sound either scared or selfish ! I would be mad at you to if I was him
Your wrong to think that him cuddling her is sexual in any way. I would be pissed at you also for over reacting. If hes good enough to have kids with let him be their daddy. My daughter is almost 12 and still loves to cuddle with me or her daddy and not once have i thought of it as sexual. Shame on you
Uhmm…do you have an issue with all fathers cuddling their children? Or just your fiance? Is there a legit reason, like he makes you worry about him around your daughter. If that is a yes, then you need to end the relationship anyway. If no and you are just against fathers snuggling their children/step children, you should seek counseling. Fathers and step fathers are allowed to cuddle their children. They can show affection. Actually, my husband is much more affectionate than I am with our children. He is the cuddler, I am not. My kids love to cuddle and my husband has never denied them that, and I would feel terrible for suggesting it is inappropriate. If there is no reason question your fiance, those cuddles are important for her to learn good touches and to know she is loved.
With all of that said, what do you mean by certain acts? Are you referring to the “spooning” or was there a legitimate inappropriate act? I think more info is needed, unless it really is simply just cuddles and laying on the couch together, then you are the one with issues 
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Father’s can cuddle children just as much as mothers can. Are you uncomfortable allowing him to be cuddling his bio kids as well? If so please refrain from cuddling your own children. It’s inappropriate.
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You need to get your head out of the gutter. Unless your children tell you there’s something inappropriate going on you’re being super foul. If you don’t want your husband to treat your children like his own then why marry him?
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What’s wrong with dad cuddling and loving his daughters?? It will teach them love and closeness with a man. As they get older it will be less and less as that’s the way life works. If you have some reason to be concerned I suggest you leave and leave now. So you have something in your past that makes you see this as wrong?? Clearly he shouldn’t be taking a bath with her or sleeping in her room. But why is it not ok for him to do what I am certain that you do as well?? Also, if you had a son would you not cuddle and sit with and love him?? Men get a bad wrap and loving your children should never be considered wrong. Is this something that happens all the time?? Or in a room by themselves?? My daughter used to sit on her dad and I both almost everyday. Were they watching a show or movie?? If he’s just trying to sit comfortably while also taking care of the child I’m having a hard time seeing what you think is wrong with that??
Why do we think it’s bad when men are sensitive and openly affectionate with their children?? Why wouldn’t you want your daughter to know what a good husband and father looks like?? After all she will likely marry one day. And like I said as she gets older it will naturally stop anyway. She’s 4. She loves her daddy and wants to be around him or with him.
FYI- I had my kids and my grandsons basically “spooning”(as you put it) many times when they were little and we took naps together. My grandsons still sit beside me or on my lap and they are 8 and 10. Hell, my 14 year old daughter still sits on my lap. Why is it that people think when men show outward affection there is something somehow wrong with that?? And like I said if you have real concerns it’s time to leave and leave now.
You shouldn’t be marrying him let alone having kids with a man who you clearly you don’t trust… I feel bad for the guy because your treating him like a predator for just loving you other child
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I believe there is more to this story. Do you suspect your fiancé is grooming your daughter for sexual abuse?
If so, move out or have him move out. If you don’t know, go to pre-marital counseling as a couple and get your concerns addressed before marrying this man.
My grandson would climb all over me and try to kiss me lovingly like maybe he saw adults do and I would have to move him off of me and turn my head away from him. But I never made him think he couldn’t be loving just made him know it was over the top.
I wonder if he has done something to stir up the thought that this is not appropriate or if something was done to you/loved one. If it is the latter, honey you need to talk this over with a counselor. I understand completely if this comes from a dark place in your past. If he has done something then baby doll you should evaluate what your relationship is about and what you should do about it. I know you posted anonymous but if you read this and would like a strong listening ear, please reach out and message me. I am praying over your situation and you.
Why do you feel like this is the first question?
Is it stemming from something in the past? Or, is it just how you feel? Or, is this just what you were taught?
Has he done anything? Also, if you feel he may do something why continue having kids with him? Why have him in your home?
If he hasn’t done anything then why are you projecting this on him?
Also, if he hasn’t done anything then won’t your daughter feel a lil neglected when he’s hugging and cuddling the other children but not her? If he’s done nothing you’re creating unnecessary drama…
If he has… Why he still there?
I refuse to condemn this man without more info
Definitely more questions to the situation. Did you have an experience as a child to have these feelings? Have you seen or had an instinct that something inappropriate is happening? My husband has been in my daughter’s life since she was 4 months old. She will be 8 in a little over a week. They cuddle, take naps together, she sleeps in the bed with us sometimes. Never had a red flag about it. That’s her father figure.
I think if you distrust him that much then you’re the one with the issue, unless he’s given you a reason to be that uncomfortable. If he cuddles your other children but not her she’s gonna think she did something wrong. Its not fair if he’s acting as a father to her for her not to reap the benefits as a daughter as well. If he’s done something to make you distrust him that much then you need to reevaluate why you’re even with him. If he sees her as his daughter, then she should be treated as a daughter. Its not fair to her to keep that away from her. I love seeing my husband cuddled up with his non biological niece. There’s nothing inappropriate about it unless he’s done some questionable things, I.E things he wouldn’t want you to know about.
If you don’t trust him, why are you having children with him? Would it be different in your eyes if he was their biological dad?
Unless you have reason to not trust him, I see nothing wrong.
If you feel that way, why are you still with him? Why are you leaving your 4 year old alone with him? Why is he not allowed to cuddle his 16 month old? Too many why’s for me… I get being cautious. However, if I felt some type of way about my fiancé and kids. I wouldn’t stay. I wouldn’t get pregnant with his child for a second time. I damn sure wouldn’t leave him alone with the child. I also wouldn’t tell him he can’t cuddle his biological child. You are aware women milestones children as well, right? What if he looked at you and told you he is uncomfortable with you cuddling the daughter you share with him? He would be within his rights to say that. How would you take it?
If you think there’s something wrong with him cuddling your kid then why are you leaving him alone with her?!? Why are you with him? I would never treat my husband in that way. How offensive that your wife treats you like a child molester. So if you even suspect he is then idk why you are with him. My husband is a loving affectionate person and never once have I ever thought that.
Sounds like you’ve got jealousy issues unless he’s did something that’s made you think he was a child predator because that’s how it is being made to sound
So basically your telling your fiancé that you think he’s a pedophile and you don’t trust him! I’d be mad at you too! Unless you have evidence that he has ever done anything inappropriate, your lucky he doesn’t leave you! What a horrendous accusation! If you do have any kind of proof, WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE AND WHY ISN’T HE IN JAIL?!
If your gut is telling you is wrong follow your gut…that is how sexual abuse starts…I’m a survivor.
, I know 1st hand
If you don’t feel comfortable with your 4 year old receiving affection from your boyfriend- yes, he is a boyfriend if you aren’t married to him, maybe you need to re-evaluate your relationship. Maybe there is a concern you have that needs addressing-
Red flag is a red flag.
If you already asked him not to do it then he doesn’t respect you in that department. Fiance or not, still a red flag.
You have a lot to think about, marriage is forever so take your time with future plans.
It’s still a red flag.
You sick and don’t deserve a good man. Who hurt you Pooh?! Damned if he don’t treat her like his own, damned if he does. But you wanna marry him but he’s a predator?! Make it make sense.
Why are women having babies with their fiances.
So how R Ur other kids gonna feel when they see him cuddling with his child,their sibling & not them
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If you don’t trust your man with your kids then get your kids the fuck away from him. Wtf?
Get him out, now. Call the police if he does one thing. Those children r your responsibility.
I would kick him out doubt
Why in the hell cant he cuddle and love on the kids ! What a blessing … u less hes molesting her … isn’t that what you pray for in a step dad
Honey, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to but were you molested as a child? As soon as I read your post I felt you probably were. I get it! 100%. It’s a tough spot honestly because on one hand if you’re going to be with him and have children, you’d need to trust him but on the other hand, if you’ve learned first hand not to trust men, I can see why you don’t like it. It’s definitely a tough one. Showing your girls love is normal and healthy but if there’s something about the way he’s doing it that raises an alert in you, don’t under any circumstances ignore that.
You are making something needed and wanted by your daughter into something ugly and sexual!
Pedophiles will always excuse their actions, but you need to go with your gut on this one.
Let him have his tantrum
STAND YOUR GROUND
I MYSELD WOULD NEVER IGNORE MY INSTINCT
Well first off…theres no issue with cuddling. Its shows love and affection to a child.that being said…i feel like something maybe happened to you and its setting off a trigger. And if youre getting an intuition about something…why are you with him?
The last two points…will end this marriage.
If you went thru something…you need therapy.
Because projecting onto this man will result in the end of your marriage even if he has the best intentions.
And if u really dont trust him because of him…you need to get rid of him.
Period
My husband has been around my daughter since she was 6…and she loves him…shes always cuddling him and roughhousing and sittin on his lap
If hes trustworthy…there should be nothing to worry about.
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So your saying you dont trust your partner basically… tbh I think your mind is a bit warped. If hes bringing the child up like his own why should he treat the child differently than his own.
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Your crazy…that’s a beautiful thing for him to want to show her the same love he would show his own children…kids need to know they are loved n appreciated and as a step parent myself…I love and cuddle my stepson as he is my own…in a world so cruel…they need to feel loved.
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Has he made you feel like he can’t be trusted with your girls? If so,then I wouldn’t be in that relationship.
If not, is it just because he isn’t her bio father that bothers you?
Usually cuddling with your parent isnt a bad thing
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Have you been sexually assaulted at some point? Because that’s the first thing that come to mind with you being so worried about it.
Or have you caught him actually being inappropriate with a child? Is he only snuggling her in his underwear and/or her in less clothing? Because if so, you need to turn him in and leave him immediately.
That being said, my 8 year old daughter snuggles my husband all the time. We’ve been together going on 3 years. They snuggle on the couch and even in our bed in the mornings. My husband even has to go sit with her in the middle of the night to get her back to sleep sometimes. She even snuggles him more than she does me lol
We both snuggle my 8 yr old daughter and my 4 yr old son, his 6 yr old son, and his 4 yr old daughter. Absolutely nothing about it is wrong. We love them so much
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This is not her biological father. This is her dad though. He took over the father role, they snuggle, he gets kisses, he changes diapers. He loves his baby. If you feel so strongly about him not showing love and affection to your oldest then you should reevaluate who you’ve decided to have two more children with. It’s going to hurt her more when she sees that the other two get affection and she doesn’t than the two of them snuggling on the couch.
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Honestly, if you have a gut feeling. Look into it or it will eat you alive. I think the real issue is , he refused to listen to your concern the first time. You mentioned you told him not to do it before. And while you were gone he did it. You really cant be too careful. If you’ve already had a full on discussion about it and he is refusing to listen… why would be my question.
My husband has been in my childrens life for over a decade. He entered my daughters life when she was 2. She is now 13. He has never once “snuggled” her beyond shoulder to shoulder or just sitting in his lap when she was a toddler. The spooning thing has never once happened. He adores my children and never once did any of that.
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Is this triggering something inside of yourself? If so therapy can help. If you don’t trust him he shouldn’t be around your kids at all.
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I think either there is something wrong with what hes doing and your gut is telling you that.
OR
You dont know the difference between appropriate and inappropriate affection.
I suspect it’s the second, but either way I would highly encourage counseling for yourself to figure it out.
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I think cuddling with a parent to fall asleep is pretty normal…and if a step parent steps in and loves yours like there own then that’s wonderful. BUT if your gut is sending you a message and this makes you feel uncomfortable, I wouldn’t ignore that feeling either.
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If it makes you uncomfortable and you’ve VOICED THAT, aint no need for more talking. FUCK THAT! He supposed to honor your wishes at all times. Too many rapes, molestations going on while mothers tryna save a "man’s feelings. All yall talking bout therapy and counseling is WHACK!!!
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It’s not wrong, your mind is wrong. If she is comfortable and sees him as her dad (or as a dad) then it isnt wrong or weird.
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Wth is wrong with you? Unless you’ve seen him be inappropriate with your daughters it’s cuddling??? It’s a normal sign of affection and love. I cuddle and spoon my 3 year old Son and I will until he no longer wants me to.
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My husband cuddles up with our kids on the lounge all the time, as do I. Is there some underline issue you haven’t mentioned? If not, it sounds like you could be overreacting the situation. Why is he not allowed to cuddle her? It shows he accepts her and they’re bonding
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There isn’t anything wrong with cuddling your kids…
He isn’t harming the kids in any way and is trying to build a good relationship with them. Unless there is something going on outside of what you are saying then that is kind of a ridiculous question.
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If he’s being otherwise inappropriate, then you shouldn’t be with him in the first place. If he’s not, back off.
Cuddles and snuggles are great for childhood development and bonding. If he’s to be a parent (even a step-parent) it is advisable for him to be willing to give healthy affection like cuddling. You are punishing both of them by trying to keep them apart.
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I think it’s a little odd that you have such an issue with him cuddling with the non-biological daughter there’s a reason why you have an issue with it. It’s quite normal actually especially if he’s in her life and the father of your two other children what should he be doing treating her completely different like she’s the the stepdaughter Who Can’t Be Loved?
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Wow. Can’t believe you’ve gone mad at him! Would you prefer for him to leave her out? And only cuddle his blood child?
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If you don’t feel like he can be a real dad and do that, if you don’t trust him with them then why are you with him?
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Unpopular opinion here, but trust your gut. If you’re even slightly uneasy with it, it shouldn’t even be a discussion. You should be putting your foot down. You may change your mind down the road, and that’s also okay.
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I feel like there is missing, relevant information that is needed to make a determination.
Why are you with him if you don’t trust him? Are you going to tell him that with the his own child? I could understand more if your girls were teenagers. But I agree with him, you’re wrong.
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Seems like you have past trauma that has ruined the beauty of showing love through affection. I was abused as a child also, and get funny about it sometimes but I still let my partner hug my daughter it’s bonding 
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My partner is both my son’s bio dad and our oldest loves cuddles to fall asleep. Maybe your daughter was feeling off and wanted a cuddle, thought her step dad was as good as mumma cuddles. Don’t punish him for loving your child like his own. Just cause they are girls and his a man doesn’t make him a monster
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Sad. Hes the father of your children. If you think hes a creap then you shouldn’t be with him.
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Maybe counseling would help get to the bottom of why cuddling makes you uncomfortable. I couldn’t imagine someone telling me that I’m not allowed to show affection towards my child or step child.
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I use to cuddle with my dad all the time. I even did with my step dad as a kid. My first step dad was great until him and mom broke up. Thats when cuddling took a turn for the worse but I was almost 16 by then. I dont see anything wrong with cuddling. If its the way they were cuddling that bothers you then tell him it looked like they were spooning and to sit up and have her learn against him with his arm wrapped around her.
Cuddling is way to show kids love and make them feel safe. That’s like telling a mom or step mom not to cuddle with her son.
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I don’t see the issue, he’s giving her love and showing her affection. Which is important for children to have as they develop and grow. You’re the one who brought him into your life, you should know that if a Male is going to be entering your life and you already have a child. Then hes gonna be the father figure, so let him do fatherly things. Like love HIS children.
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As the step parent he shouldnt. Esp with him being a male…i dont let my daughters do stuff like that. If he cant respect your mama bear instincts then he has a problem.
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Yes you are wrong. There is nothing wrong with a father cuddling his child. Step parent or not. You want them to have a good bond.
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It just shows that you have NO trust in him; and your relationship will therefore not last!!
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Awww that is sad. As a step parent, I treat my step son no differently. 4 year olds are so cuddly and lil love bugs. If you don’t trust him, you think he is doing something he shouldn’t, then thats a big problem…
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I agree with you…your the mom and if u feel it’s inappropriate then he should respect that
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Could you elaborate more? I mean I feel like there’s not enough being said here to truly get the best judgment in making that call of right or wrong based on this brief concern you gave us… like what other acts? Do you trust him? I mean a mother always knows I’m my opinion.
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I really don’t see the problem here if he wants to cuddle his daughter biological or not why not? I’m sure he’s been in that little girls life a long time now and could be her only father figure they love each other why not?
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If I told my husband not to cuddle out child he would laugh at me. That’s ridiculous. Unless there are underlying issues…in which he shouldn’t be around those children at all let alone snuggling with them.
Esp at 4… its great that he loves her as his own and wants to snuggle with her. There are a lot of dads who wouldnt even with their own child.
Is he allowed to play with her toys with her or no? Is she allowed to play hairdresser and put bows in his hair?! If so why is he allowed to do all the parenting things EXCEPT snuggle and watch a movie?!? Seems like you have other things in your head and you need to work thru that before accusing him of being inappropriate.
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What are the other “certain acts” ??
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Question is why are you married to someone you’re not comfortable with around your kids? Wtf…
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I dont see anything wrong here? I cuddle with my son?
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There is nothing wrong with cuddles. Children need them to grow and adults need them to calm the world around us. You may want to talk to someone about your mindset before your daughter’s get older and you end up calling your man in to the cops for hugging his teen daughters. I’m sorry but that is what I see in this situation. It really sounds like you were touched at some point in your life and now you are holding it against your children’s father. That is wrong. It is not fair to the father to be thought of that way and it is not fair to the children to see their father yelled at for cuddling with them.
Why are you even with a man and making more children with him, if you don’t trust him? Smh
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Ask yourself the question is the reason you may have an issue with it is that maybe something happened to you as a child and if that is the reason you yourself need to get help and but don’t punish your daughters let their daddy love them and always remember there aren’t many men out there that are willing to take on someone else’s child for these exact reasons and some men who really just don’t care about their own children.
If he isnt being innapropriate then there should be no issue. Be thankful that she has a step dad that treats her like one of his own and takes care of her.
A father should have every right to cuddle his daughters, help them get dressed, bathe them, change their diapers, etc. There is nothing sexual about being an affectionate and attentive father. You might need to seek some counselling to work through whatever issues you have surrounding this as it will poison not only the father’s relationship with his step and bio daughters (sounds like you have the rules in place for both girls) but it will also poison the marriage because with these rules you’ve given, if there’s no reason for them, these rules are painting an innocent man with a perverted brush and that’s tragic.
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it dependa like if hes doing other than just cuddling than girl you need him outta your house and away from the girls , but if its just a man trying to be a father to a girl that not his then theirs nothing wrong about it.
Nothing wrong with it unless you know something he did was wrong but that would be your fault for letting him in around your girls
This is sad. Why can’t parents cuddle with their children?
So are you saying you dont trust? It says more like you have an unhealthy relationship with him then he does with her… you should be happy she feels comfortable and secure in his arms
So you dont cuddle them either right?
If you feel like something is wrong then get rid of him. But clearly you dont think hes doing anymore than cuddling or else I’m sure he’d already be gone. What does his gender have to do with him being allowed to cuddle his children? You’re saying if your daughter goes up to him and asks him for snuggles hes supposed to say “I’m sorry but your mom says I cant cuddle you anymore”?
U love him and trust him to have kids with him?
I don’t understand why it’s weird… something is off about this post…
Unpopular opinion here but I don’t know. Especially with the way you described the cuddling (spooning). I think there are certain boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed - whether it be biological or step. I think cuddling is healthy, for anyone and especially children, but I think that the way it is done is what makes the difference. I wouldn’t be okay with my husband spooning my daughter or our daughter together that’s biologically his… that’s just me. I don’t mind him being affectionate of course but definitely not spooning. I feel like that’s a little much, intimate if you will.
My husband cuddled with our daughter it’s usually her that initiates it. There’s more than you’re saying I think
My step dad cuddled us until we were 5 and would hold us around 6 if we had a terrible day. Im 21 and to this day is my best friend.
Do not take that connection away from you daughters. If hes a creep then YOU failed as a mother bringing him around your babies
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I think you’re making an issue out of nothing.
Also If I felt that way i wouldn’t be with him
Doesn’t matter if he is biological or not if its bothering you …I’d go with my gut feeling. It’s there for a reason …I believe
Buy this and a machete
It’s only weird and sexual if YOU make it that way… And if you are then you need to take a look at yourself as to why you’re viewing it in that content.
Technically it’s ok to do that however your instincts are telling you otherwise. But if it feels bad to you why are you having kids with this guy?
Its is ok to feel concern of the matter u can just keep an eye on the matter cuz i dont know what u have been through but there is something that has u to feel like that there is nothing wrong with wanting ro protect ur kids
I don’t think laying down cuddling with your child is wrong. Even if it is your step children. Maybe you need some therapy to resolve your issues?
how old is your daughter? If you have a gut feeling, definitely don’t ignore it. Trust your feelings not others.
I honestly think you should sit down quietly and figure out your reason why you don’t want him to cuddle your daughter.
If you think he is being appropriate then you should be thinking what you can do now. You shouldn’t stay with a person you don’t trust with your kids and, yes, it is that simple.
I’d it was his child would it be ok? That’s what you need to think about. Ether he’s being inappropriate no matter if it’s his child or not, or you’re overreacting! If you think he’s in the wrong why are you staying with him?
You are going a little overboard me and my oldest cuddled until he was almost 7 thats my baby and for you to say its inappropriate because he loves his child there is a difference between showing love and affection and being inappropriate. Good job to him for being a great loving father alot of kids dont have. But if you truly feel in your gut he is inappropriate in other ways why are you with him why is he actually around your kids. Thats not some stranger.
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Maybe something happened to you and it effects you but if that’s the case seek help because there are some fathers that would love to be a dad but can’t because the mother won’t allow it unless if you see something more that may be going on then get him away from your kids but if not let him be a dad to his step kids wtf but you sound like you are the one with the problem
Does she look uncomfortable ? Ask her questions I for one hear too many scary stories and if you feel uneasy then don’t leave him alone sorry I don’t let no one near my kids unless I know for sure who I’m with …people could say oh he’s just being a good dad well I was raised differently and aware of sexual abuse it’s always been a fear of mine … if you feel that way it’s for a reason
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If he’s just cuddling the child he considers a daughter and not touching her in her no no places I see no issue? Unless he’s doing it sexually I think you should stop sexualizing his relationship with the kids🤦🏻♀️. I cuddle with my son, does that mean I am doing anything wrong? Children are sexualized enough. Unless he’s making it inappropriate then I think you’re just dramatic
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Umm thats her daddy too ! Whats wrong with a man showing a child affection(thats his step or not shes his too) ? If you have a problem with him touching your daughters then theres something up . Something you’ve seen,felt, or heard that has triggered flags in your mind . You need to find out why it bothers you so much . If thats the case then you need to leave . I feel you dont trust him and shouldn’t have stayed . If you dont have trust you don’t have anything ,but heartache. This man has stepped into the role as father . Ive seen amazing men step up and become wonderful fathers to children not biologically theirs. So you need to find out the root cause of all of this distrust is coming from .